Abstract
In Korea, it is uncommon for the patients themselves to be informed of their prognosis. However, my father wanted to know his exact status and to choose how he would live his last days. After receiving the bad news that his cancer had spread again and there was no other option for him, he decided to make the do-not-resuscitate decision as well as undergo hospice care. All of the family members agreed to help him have a good daily life. First, we prepared a home office for him. Before he retired, he spent all day at the workplace, so there was no need for an office in the house, but everyone recognized that he needed his private space. In his office room, he made and sent the last Christmas cards to his friends and colleagues. He made a list of people whom he wanted to attend his funeral. Then, he prepared his last gifts for us.
Next, we made a new name card for him. Even though he had worked as a manager for 30 years in a manufacturing plant, he lost his position when he had to resign due to his cancer. He lost his identity. During the last year of his life, he valued his time in church. He had served as an elder at a Presbyterian church, so we made a new name card for him as an elder of the Presbyterian Church. He felt very proud of his name card. Whenever anyone visited him, he gave out his name card on which was printed his new title and contact information. He had a vital role at the church until his death.
One day, he asked me to let him know when his last hours would be. I did not know the real final day and hour, and I did not want to imagine the final hour, but 2 weeks before his death, he asked all the family members to get together. Then he gave his gifts to the family. He left a storybook for his grandchildren with his signature. When they read the storybook, they would also read their grandfather's lovely letter with his signature in the book. For his future son-in-law, he left his favorite pen with a congratulation card. He wanted to join in his daughter's wedding. Finally, he left the last gift for himself. He wanted to set up his tombstone.
Seven years after his final journey, we still have his tangible last gifts. Moreover, we have had other intangible gifts from him. During his end of life, I considered what was good for him from the perspective of the family as well as from a professional perspective. These concerns pushed me to study end-of-life care and ethics, and finally I finished my Ph.D. as well as the course for advanced practice nurse in palliative care last year at Boston College. I decided to devote my efforts as a researcher and an advanced nursing practitioner to good care at the end of life. One of my father's son-in-laws became a surgeon who specialized in colorectal procedures. Having cared for his father-in-law, he has helped patients with colorectal cancer experience good quality of life. On my dad's memorial day, I would like to express my sincere thankfulness and my love to him.