Abstract
I am a palliative care doctor. After speaking for 10 minutes with a patient, he looked at me and told me: “You know doctor…you're pretending. Pretending that I don't have cancer, that I don't have limited time to live. So, don't fake, don't pretend, don't hide your feelings, your thoughts—share them. You know?…I'm not a child.” I will follow his advice and share my “across the ocean” experience.
This is my second trip as a visiting Portuguese doctor at the Pain and Palliative Care Service at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, Boston, Massachusetts. Each year I take a 2-week observation period. I want to learn, to see other patients, to get closer to other feelings. I took the opportunity last year and did it again this year. I learned scientific palliative care, but I also acquired a new insight on life. Since then I have so many thoughts, so many lessons.
Yesterday, I revisited the patient's words: “Don't hide your feelings, your thoughts.” So I will put those on paper because “the written word is sometimes easier to say.” I leave you with the exact transcription of my personal reflection, written on a piece of paper.
“I am blessed to be here, to know people, to hear about other experiences. What have I learned? It is not hard if I look inside: Human faces look the same when facing disease and the unknown that comes along with it. If you look close enough you can discover common signs in their faces. There is a profound look in their eyes. Patients' eyes are full of answers and questions. If you look closer, human eyes look the same facing uncertainty, disease, and suffering. If you look closer, human eyes look the same facing reassurance, comfort, and humanity.
Human eyes…the same across the ocean. I sense an invisible line connecting us all. Life, death, feelings, fear, hope, laughter, tears look the same across the ocean, they belong to a common, universal pathway, moving towards a point I yet discovered.
There is no difference in suffering. Suffering follows the same mysterious path; it is built of the same complex material. Suffering happens, suffering exists. Suffering is there if you are 2 feet or 500 miles away from home. Patients are not Portuguese or American when they suffer, they are just humans. Suffering…the same across the ocean.
I discovered that when you provide palliative care you share the same true vision of life. Life looks the same; you fight for life and you share it with your patient until the last second of their lives. We are so tight together—patients, doctors, relatives, Portuguese or American—until the last second of life. Life…the same across the ocean. Relief, comfort…the same across the ocean.
Two years have passed between Boston and Lisbon and I feel grateful. I have learned. I have seen. I have experienced. I have heard. I have reflected and I have grown. I lived. I feel at home with all my Dana-Farber colleagues. They are family, because every family teaches you something important about life.
Every time you encounter a patient, in Boston or in Lisbon, life gives you a chance. A chance to catch that invisible line and give it a meaning.
Across the ocean patients are just humans. Across the ocean doctors are just humans. Across the ocean we celebrate life through humanity, science, laughter, and palliative care. Deep inside, across the ocean, we share humanity until the last second of life.”