Abstract
Day 1: Walking slow I am not in anyone's way. Many patients walk at this pace, and speedier walkers (mostly hospital personnel) are accustomed to automatically walking around you. What are utterly unforgiving are the elevators, who don't care how fast you walk—if you are not through in time some of them will munch you.
Day 2. Walking slow is the easy part. More difficult is leaving early enough so that I don't feel the need to rush. My colleague suggested that when I was walking fast I was already “at” my destination in my mind, and so it actually felt like I was wasting time until I physically got there.
Day 3. I am disturbed to discover that I am never late, and often early when I walk slow. Walking fast, I am almost always late. Walking slow I feel very comfortable allowing myself extra time to get where I am going; walking fast I would work up until the very last minute and often not allow myself any time.
Day 4. Walking slow, you notice a lot more because things come at you more slowly. Many patients and their families are very friendly, often notice you, and nod or smile hello. What is also striking is that you can see people's emotions written on their faces. It's not just patients and family members who are distressed. If their facial expressions are any clue, physicians are among the most distressed people in the hospital.
Day 5. Sometimes this feels like entering another world. Leaving the room of a patient I could not seem to help feeling despair. Walking slowly back to my office I felt the sunshine, saw the beautiful blue sky, the green leaves on the trees—these things have been here all summer but today they soothe my tattered neurons.
Day 6. After an argument with my wife I was reliving the disagreement in my mind thinking of all the reasons that I was right and she was wrong. I slowed my walking pace way down and all those thoughts and feelings melted away. I sped up and they came right back. Walking fast seems to better support anxiety and anger than does walking slow.
Day 7. People will slow down to talk to me, although it takes them a few moments to adjust to my pace. It is very pleasant to talk to them, and easier for me to take an interest in them and what they are doing.
Follow-up. A few years later, I haven't revisited my slow-walking. Instead, I have spent as much time as I can practicing mindfulness. If I am fully present, I can walk fast or walk slow and feel equally at ease. But when things get crazy, I am falling behind and I have a million things to do … I just go slower.