Radical Empathy in the Private Studio

Emotions Wheel

Emotions wheels (see Figure 1) are colorful visual aids that list and sort common emotions (Roberts 2015). Displaying this tool in your studio sets the expectation that emotional expression is welcome, and that you expect students to think metacognitively about their emotions. When students are able to communicate clearly about their emotions, we can efficiently and accurately provide for individual emotional needs, which results in improved instruction. At the beginning of each lesson, consider asking the student to identify how they are feeling by choosing a word on the wheel. This will help them build the habit of checking in and articulating their emotions. Many feeling wheels organize words by complexity; younger students can choose from simple words in the center circle, whereas high school and adult students can explore specialized words in the outer circles. As teachers, we can utilize the emotions they express to cater the lesson to their emotional state. For example, students feeling sad or defeated may benefit from more positive reinforcement. Students feeling angry may benefit from having more freedom to choose activities during their lesson. Students feeling excited or motivated may respond better to direct critique of their playing. When prompted about their feelings, students may default to expressing happiness, either because they are genuinely happy or because they believe that is the socially acceptable answer. If you run into a student who regularly responds with nondescript happiness, consider asking them to choose two emotions from the wheel. However, as teachers we should be comforted to hear if students are generally happy on a regular basis, and welcome that repetition, because on the days where they are struggling emotionally, they will already have practice with sharing their feelings. When a student expresses negative emotions, allow them to fully express their experience without interruption. Offer empathetic responses such as “I hear you; that seems frustrating! I am sorry you are experiencing this. What can I do to help?” If you encounter a student who is reserved with their emotions, you can use the emotions wheel to share with the student how you are feeling. This demonstrates your trust and comfort with them. Expressing your own vulnerability will create a safe and reliable space for students to share their inner lives, building invaluable trust between yourself and your private students. Being emotionally connected with our students inevitably leads to improved instruction.

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Figure 1.

Roberts (2015).

Another way to use emotions wheels in the private studio is for improvisation. Consider allowing your student to choose an emotion they have felt in the past week. Ask them to improvise a melody based on that feeling. Listen for their key, register, dynamics, phrasing, and so forth. If students are not practiced improvisers, you can ask them to improvise a rhythm on an open string, or just use notes in a given major scale. After you listen, consider asking them questions about their improvisation such as “why did you choose to play loudly?” or “why did you choose to play lots of high notes?” These questions are open-ended and philosophical, which will allow them to communicate whatever they feel comfortable sharing. You can expect a variety of answers, such as “happiness feels like a loud, fast song” or “low pitches sound sad to me.” This activity paves the way to talking about emotional expression while playing. Correlating emotion with different aspects of their improvising will translate into their repertoire.

Objective Language

When a student becomes frustrated or discouraged, use objective language. For example, “I notice you may be feeling frustrated. Is there something that is upsetting you today?” or “You deserve to be happy and confident in your lesson. What can I do to help you clear your mind?” Avoid using accusatory language. For example, “You keep disobeying; why are you so frustrated?” or “If you don’t focus harder, you are not going to become a good violin player.” Placing blame or shame on students often results in them shutting down and feeling emotionally unsafe to express themselves. Feeling emotionally unsafe results in distraction and distress, which takes away from the overall mindspace available for learning. When a normally obedient student is acting out and is questioned respectfully about their actions, they often share something that happened at school or home that upset them. Letting them get this frustration out of their system will allow them to focus on their lesson for the remaining instructional time. According to Mimi Zweig, emotional stress and discomfort also lead to tension in the body, whereas “[playing] with the natural physical motions of the body, devoid of tensions that might be caused by worry or stress” will result in a more effective lesson, and overall healthier playing (Sciaroni 2018, 7). When talking with students about their emotional experiences, consider avoiding yes or no questions. By asking open-ended questions, we invite students to give full, honest responses and encourage collaborative communication.

Reassurance

When students act out or refuse to follow directions, it is important to consider what options we have in our reactions. Consider reassuring students that you still believe in them and care for them, despite the fact that they are not acting appropriately. Students who are angry or unruly are often acting out a cycle of receiving negative reactions from adults that may be present elsewhere in their lives. Even in generally healthy home settings, children may develop the habit of breaking rules to get the attention of their guardians. The American lifestyle is extremely fast-paced, and even the most well-meaning guardians can get so caught up with their endless responsibilities that their children resort to acting out to receive the attention they need. In the private studio, we have the unique privilege of offering our students our full attention. By expressing unconditional support, students will realize, over time, that you will not interact with their cycles of disobedience, and that they can have your full attention without disobeying. Based on the motivation behind their misbehavior, we can choose to react in many different ways, outlined in Figure 2 (Choices for Children 2015). For example, if a student becomes passive in their attempts to perform a certain musical passage, consider giving them a moment to recuperate before trying again, and offer them encouraging words: “We’re going to get this; I know we can do it!” When communicating about goals, using “we” instead of “you” communicates that you are working collaboratively to improve their playing. This solidarity shows the student that you will not give up on them, even if they continue to struggle with the skill at hand. When a student challenges your authority, consider ignoring the call for conflict and continue to stay on track pedagogically (Choices for Children 2015). Confronting negative behavior can sometimes feed into confrontation; consider waiting until after the student’s frustration is no longer activated to communicate that your boundaries or expectations have been broken. Most importantly, remember that students act out because of their own internal struggles. Their misbehavior is not a reflection of you; refusing to take their behavior personally will allow you to react with empathy. With kindness and a refusal to argue with students, we show them that their emotional needs can be met without conflict. Being a supportive, caring ally in our students’ lives can be invaluable to their music learning and their overall quality of life.

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Figure 2.

Choices for Children (2015).

Exploring Local Resources

When we open ourselves up to our students’ emotional lives, we must accept the reality that we will not always possess the insight or training necessary to help them. For example, due to my own identity and personal experiences, I feel prepared to support students who are facing hardships at home, but I feel less prepared to support students who are facing food insecurities. However, being familiar with what local resources are available to children with extraordinary needs can prepare us for these moments. A quick Google search will likely display local youth programs for LGBTQ+ children, social skills groups, state Department of Mental Health programs, and other resources for students who may require assistance with understanding their sexuality, gender identity, social interactions, mental health, or other socio-cultural identities. With the student’s permission, it may be beneficial to point guardians in the direction of these programs, or all have group conversations about how to seek out further support. However, it is important to assess if communicating with a student’s guardians about these topics is safe. For example, if a student comes to you with concern about their safety at home, reaching out to their guardians could put them in more danger if their guardians are the ones endangering the student. In this situation, it is important to report their concerns to the proper authorities, such as your state Department of Children and Families, instead of directly intervening. Alternatively, some students do not come to their guardians with topics such as identity and sexuality out of insecurity or embarrassment, and it is important we respect their privacy as little individuals, to avoid breaking their trust and respect their decisions. If you are unsure how serious the student’s accusations or concerns are, you can also encourage them to reach out to their school counselor who may know how to respond properly. However, if you take this route, be sure to follow up with the student during their next lesson; suggesting they reach out to someone more qualified does not negate our responsibility to protect our students.

If students are too young, unable, or unwilling to advocate for themselves, another quick Google search may help you find training programs for supporting students with extraordinary needs. Many universities offer professional development courses related to student wellness; the University of New Hampshire currently has workshops available on trauma-informed instructions, teaching students with attention deficit disorder/attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and executive dysfunction, mindfulness in the classroom, managing anxiety and depression, and social and emotional learning (University of New Hampshire 2022). Many of these training courses are online. There are private training programs available online as well; I completed an online training program called Darkness to Light last year as a requirement for a new teaching position, which prepared me to spot signs of abuse in students (Darkness to Light 2022). Although this training program is specifically oriented toward understanding and preventing sexual abuse, it thoroughly covers mandated reporting and how to appropriately ask questions and intervene if you believe a student may be in danger, and I highly suggest it to anyone working with children.

Weighing Risk Factors

In my Darkness to Light training, I also learned that to protect our students to the fullest extent, sometimes we must take personal risks (Darkness to Light 2022). One of my middle school students recently told me he was disappointed in himself because he did not successfully practice. He told me that it was impossible for him to focus at home, but he was too nervous to tell his mother he needed help. Over the next few weeks, I slowly introduced to him the idea of telling his mom about his struggles with me by his side as a supporter. When he agreed, I collected some online resources and we had a conversation with his mother. Within a few weeks, this student was in counseling to find ways to work with his attention span. When we open ourselves up to our students’ emotional lives, we risk receiving reactions from guardians. I prepared myself in advance for the possibility that this student’s mother may lash out at me; she could have felt I was questioning her parenting, felt teamed up upon by the student and I, or felt embarrassed. Weighing my options and referring back to my training, I ultimately decided that supporting my student was worth the risk of initial backlash from this parent.

Assessing and accepting the personal risk of intervening in potentially difficult situations is endlessly important for our own emotional health. As educators, I believe we must accept that our students’ well-being is more important than our reputations. In many communities, guardians may find it unacceptable to address them about their child’s mental and emotional needs. They may find it unacceptable to report suspected danger to the proper authorities before first confronting the guardians directly. I believe we must trust that by prioritizing our students’ well-being, our communities will develop trust and respect for us. In addition, when our communities fail us and fall victim to gossip and ego, I believe we must radically accept the repercussions of standing up for our students’ well-being with quiet pride. At the end of our teaching day, we must live with our decisions and remember the massive impact we can have in our students’ lives if we nourish their whole being.

Self-Care

In the private studio, we are our students’ greatest resource. To provide for our students, we must always provide for our own needs as well. To avoid burnout from the weight of supporting our students emotionally, we must also practice radical empathy toward ourselves. It is vital to allow student disobedience and frustration to bounce off of you, and reassure yourself that their actions do not reflect you. Students are full, complex human beings with entire lives outside of the studio. It is often not your fault that they are struggling; refusing to internalize their experiences as your own failure will allow you to stay calm and provide the care they need and deserve. Seek out support from friends or professionals to process difficult lessons. Learning to identify and accept our mistakes as teachers is difficult yet crucial to develop trusting relationships with our students. If you do or say something that upsets a student, apologize to them and reassure them that you are here to be their supporter. For example, “Last week, I noticed I hurt your feelings when I said XYZ. I am sorry that I hurt your feelings, and I want to reassure you that I believe in you.” Showing them this vulnerability and kindness will further build trust in the studio. Students need role models who can apologize for their mistakes while still retaining authority. As we care for our music students, we create our next generation of musicians and teachers. By assessing our own strengths and biases as instructors and recognizing the ways we want to be different from our previous teachers, we directly impact the progress of our field and the success of our individual students.

Conclusion

As music educators, we are helping raise future generations. Taking time to talk about emotions with our students sets a foundation of trust and communication in the private studio. By utilizing objective language and loving reassurance, we create a unique space where our students can feel respected and honored, regardless of their experiences outside our classroom. Talking about our own emotions and providing opportunities for students to share theirs helps them build the communication skills that are vital to musical expression and collaboration. As teachers, we can use the information students share about their emotional states to cater their lesson to meet their musical and extramusical needs. When we cannot meet their needs, we can research local organizations that could help them, or pursue training that would allow us to better meet their needs. Last but certainly not least, as we try to incorporate new pedagogies into our private studios, we must remember to be empathetic with ourselves, remembering that caring for our students takes emotional and physical energy; as teachers, we deserve to take time to care for ourselves, so we can be our best for our students. By practicing radical empathy in the classroom, we are not only maximizing our students’ music learning, but also creating emotionally healthy humans who will soon be leading our field. Trusting, open relationships with students allow joy and learning to flourish.