Abstract
‘Do not ask me why he is my friend: it is because he is he and I am I.’ Montaigne’s encapsulation of the genius (and mystery) of friendship is memorable in M.A. Screech’s lapidary translation. For Montaigne there is a givenness – even a romantic randomness – about friendship that is hard to account for.
Dana Robert would take a somewhat different view. For her, friendship is intentional and to be achieved by effort, and sometimes by sacrifice, especially when constructed across social and cultural barriers. Reluctant to offer a philosophical definition of the concept, Robert’s approach is instead to relate a series of stories of friendships across such divides through which what she would term friendship with God and the Gospel itself are experienced and communicated. The stories ‘do not have to resolve anything . . . Their meaning is that they exist.’ While some readers will be frustrated by this lack of definition, or even reflection on what might be the content of many of the friendships described, it is worth persevering with the book. True, rather too often Robert records that one or other of her heroes ‘befriended’ or ‘became friends’ with a counterpart, without unpacking these terms fully, but the narratives are, in the end, enabled to carry the point. After an introductory chapter addressing the theme of friendship within the mission and approach of Jesus, the central section, recording her chosen friendship stories thematically arranged under headings of ‘remaining’, ‘family’ and ‘struggle’, is followed by a reflective final chapter entitled ‘Mustard Seeds of Hope’. Here Robert draws conclusions that do in effect offer a kind of composite picture of what missional Christian friendship might look like, and the priorities for building it.
Central to these is the need to get over inequities of all sorts. True friendship exists between equals and is mutual (here Robert, Montaigne and the classical authors would agree) and it is a recurrent theme of Robert’s stories that they describe relationships forged across improbable divides and in unpropitious circumstances such as civil or international strife, colonial and missionary power imbalance or (most movingly) between Henri Nouwen and the severely disabled young man – incapable of movement or speech – for whom he cared in the last months of his life.
So missional friendship requires the characteristic of humility, perhaps above all else, and Robert is realistic about how challenging this is, both politically and personally. As an American she has sharp things to say about US neo-colonialism that also make uncomfortable reading for post-imperial British readers. Some of her cultural references – for instance to ‘Captain America’, a superhero from the Marvel comics – may be a little more challenging on this side of the Atlantic, but the book is accessible and attractive both to students of cross cultural mission and to the more general reader wanting to reflect more personally on how to reach out and make friendships, especially with people of very different backgrounds, sympathies and belief systems.