Abstract
Interpersonal relationships are fundamental to learning and human development. To develop a positive and safe classroom environment with student motivation and learning, music educators need to learn to relate and connect effectively with others. This article looks at the importance of the interpersonal relationships in the classroom environment and provides tips for active teachers to improve these relationships and for preservice teachers to observe and reflect on during preparation. As music teachers, the manner in which we connect and relate to our students will teach them much about the art of music but also the art of being a compassionate and caring human being.
Music teachers share more than just musical skill; they also model supportive, empathetic behavior for their students and their communities.
Every spring, seniors in high school finish their finals and say good-bye to secondary education. Some students see it as a time of great excitement mixed with some sadness. At every commencement, students speak of how much they will miss music ensembles and music-making. I recently witnessed many tears as band, orchestra, and choir seniors sat dressed in caps and gowns as part of a combined ensemble performing for the last time during commencement. Students walked by the ensemble directors, giving hugs as they returned to the senior section to receive their diplomas and begin a new phase of life. After the ceremony, students spoke of the great experiences they had enjoyed in these ensembles, the music performances, the travel, the friends that were made, and particularly the special relationships with their teachers.
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These interpersonal relationships are fundamental to learning and human development. Philosopher and educational reformer John Dewey stated that there is an understanding that teachers need to support healthy, safe, and engaged relationships to provide the best situations for learning. 1 It is through engaged relationships that teachers and students connect, develop goals, and create strategies to attain these goals. 2
Outcomes of developing successful, positive interpersonal relationships with students can often be seen in students’ motivation, behavior, achievement, and retention. 3 If music educators fail to connect, students may leave music programs feeling discouraged and disillusioned. These feelings may be translated into a lifetime avoidance or dislike of music participation in general, and the music teachers may also fail to pass on an appreciation and love of music as well as a lifetime of music-making opportunities.
Interpersonal Relationships
It is difficult to concisely define interpersonal relationships because they are multifaceted and complex. Interpersonal relationships exist between any people whose paths cross intentionally or unintentionally. They are enduring connections between individuals, “uniquely characterized by degrees of continuity, shared history, and interdependent interactions across settings and activities.” 4
Trust and respect are foundational principles for any relationship.
Interpersonal relationships exist at different depths: Those with close friends differ from those between student and teacher, which also differ from those between a store clerk and customer. Relationships are made up of communications (verbal and nonverbal), perceptions, feelings, trust, empathy, and behaviors. They are ever-changing, circular, and reciprocal (each interaction affects the next one). They can evoke positive or negative experiences. And perhaps one of the most difficult and least predictable aspects of interpersonal relationships is that they are influenced by personality and past experiences. 5
Interpersonal relationships and communication are different and separate from personality. Although personality can influence perceptions, there are no constant or permanent aspects of personality that set beliefs or behaviors permanently in place. The information and recommendations that follow are focused on behaviors and communication, not personality.
Relationships are built through repeated encounters as well as clear boundaries and expectations, both of which allow individuals to come to know what to expect from one another. It takes time and effort to develop these relationships, but the payoff can be immense. Strong, encouraging relationships with teachers have been shown to positively affect students’ self-efficacy, motivation, behavior, and achievement. 6 According to psychologist and educational theorist Carl Rogers, learning doesn’t result from teaching skills, knowledge, or planning but is based on the personal relationship between the teacher and the learner. 7
Interpersonal Relationships in Education
There are multiple interpersonal challenges to tackle as educators. Music educators in North America face large class sizes, short and infrequent class periods, budget constraints, and high-stakes testing that have changed the atmosphere in many schools. There is also greater diversity in schools today than there ever has been, and often music educators do not reflect the ethnicity or background of their student populations. All these factors have created interpersonal challenges for educators. According to education scholar Philip W. Jackson, a typical teacher may engage in more than 1,000 interpersonal exchanges with students daily. 8 As a result, it may be helpful to better understand these relationships and how to improve them. For future music educators, these ideas can help you know what to watch for in classroom observations with experienced teachers and can help guide some skill development through clinical and student teaching experiences.
What Do Students Want from Their Teachers?
To learn more about students’ opinions regarding teacher interpersonal behavior, I distributed a survey in which music students were asked to indicate the interpersonal behaviors they most wanted and least wanted from their music teachers. Band, choir, and orchestra members completed a survey and were asked to indicate “teacher interpersonal behaviors” 9 they most and least wanted from their ensemble directors.
The behaviors students most wanted from their music teachers were the following:
The teacher should trust the students.
The teacher should have a sense of humor.
The teacher should be friendly.
The teacher should be enthusiastic about the subject.
The teacher should take personal interest in the students.
The teacher should have high standards.
The teacher should be willing to listen to students’ ideas.
The behaviors students least wanted from their music teachers were: (1) getting angry often in class, (2) being manipulative or impatient, (3) intimidating or scaring students, (4) allowing students to goof off in class, (5) being sarcastic or teasing the students, and (6) having “favorites.”
While many of these student responses might seem obvious and like common sense, there are times when routine, business, and calendars distract the focus of teachers. Asking for feedback in these areas from students and colleagues can be very beneficial as sometimes teacher intent is not perceived and actions differ from expectations. The next section offers a few tips, reminders, and observations to be considered and reflected on to improve relationships.
Improving Your Classroom Interpersonal Relationships
Tip 1: Know and Be Yourself
Understanding yourself and being self-aware can help music teachers be successful and build positive relationships. Healthy individuals tend to have consistent behavioral patterns that include daily habits and range from how one gets dressed to how one speaks and interacts with people. 10 Understanding yourself can also help you understand others. For example, do you react differently when various students approach you? Individuals often think personal reactions are private and unseen, but in reality, they are often public, visible, and more noticeable than is realized. Self-awareness can help you control your reactions and behaviors in a way that can lead to better, more positive interactions with others and set an appropriate example for all students.
At some point in your career, you’ll encounter a student in your classroom who misbehaves daily. The sight of this student entering the classroom makes your blood pressure rise as you remember the previous antics. As that student approaches you and smiles, how do you respond, and what does your body language say? Today, that student acts out again. Do you criticize, yell, or lose your temper? How do you respond, and what do you teach the other students through this response? Do you label this a “bad” child to yourself or aloud? Although difficult, it is good to keep your temper in check, take a deep breath, and move easily, without dramatics, into a predetermined response. While you never want to put on a front or façade, personal awareness can help you control your reactions and behaviors in a way that can lead to better, more positive interactions with everyone. Be who you are, but know who that is!
Tip 2: Know Your Students (and Colleagues)
In developing interpersonal relationships with students and colleagues, it is helpful that music teachers see others as individual human beings, each with thoughts, feelings, opinions, desires, and stories. Try to see students both for who they are now and who they are becoming. Even though this may seem obvious, music teachers sometimes forget to take time to see each student individually, especially when there are hundreds of students in music classrooms in a day or even in a single class. Students are never just a collection of instruments or voices in a class or ensemble, and overtly displaying that recognition can be beneficial in building relationships. While it is sometimes more efficient to speak to a particular section—“first sopranos,” “violins,” “trombones”—it is good to acknowledge students on an individual basis and use their names when possible. Try to make time for students before class, after class, during lunch, and after school. Although, do be cautious not to show favoritism by focusing only on a select few. Within the classroom, something as simple as saying, “Good morning, Jack,” could be enough to get his attention, make him feel important, spark the beginning of a new relationship, and maybe, as a result, develop a long-term ensemble member and lifetime musician—all because a music teacher noticed him and said, “Good morning.”
Remember that students are children (although sometimes very large children) who are still developing physically, emotionally, and cognitively. Teachers are in a special position to exert great influence on students. Good examples and good choices can be modeled every day in how to make decisions, handle conflict, manage time, and so on. Music teachers need to develop strong interpersonal relationships with students but never cross the line of professionalism: The students are not friends. This can be especially difficult for young teachers, who may be very close in age to the students. It may be wise to avoid social media contact and outside personal communications with students. Through musical opportunities provided in school, it is possible to help the students discover talents and unleash their potential as musicians, young leaders, scholars, and humans.
Communication and Listening Styles
Knowing yourself and others (Tips 1 and 2) can also include understanding communication and listening styles (these are not personality types; these are behaviors that are fluid and changeable). Many issues that arise between teachers and students, parents, colleagues, or administrators are often attributable to a breakdown in communication or misunderstandings. Understanding the most common communication styles can be beneficial to improving communication and avoiding conflict. 11 Communication educators and researchers Steven A. Beebe, Susan J. Beebe, and Mark V. Redmond describe communication styles in their book Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others, paraphrased here: 12
For the most part, people do not have just one style of communication, although many show preferences. The most skillful communicators and listeners are able to adapt to each circumstance. When you work with people, it can be helpful to be malleable as an individual and aware of the communication styles of others to promote greater communication and understanding. As mentioned previously, teachers should keep in mind the fact that these communication styles are behavioral actions and different from personality. For example, students should not be labeled as a “passive personality” if they show signs of passive communication. Drawing focus on styles in the classroom is intended to be helpful in connecting with students and improving the learning experience for all.
Tip 3: Be Aware of Perceptions
Perceptions are the result of the process of experiencing your world and making sense out of what you experience. Interpersonal perceptions are the process by which you decide what people are like and, based on perspective, give meaning to their actions. 14 As people, teachers constantly make inferences about others’ motives, personalities, and other traits, including behaviors. After spring break each year, high school students, especially seniors, often lag in motivation. A typically good student will start to be tardy or miss class; there will be less preparation and effort given to the class or ensemble. This can be viewed as disrespectful and irresponsible, or it can be viewed as a common (although not ideal) case of spring fever or “senioritis.” How the teacher chooses to view this student behavior will determine the response. Use caution because a perception can be deceptive, and a reaction can have long-term implications. Do you see what you believe, or do you believe what you see? Do you see malicious and irresponsible behavior, or do you see impulsive and immature adolescent behavior?
Teachers have the power to influence students and relationships in positive and negative ways.
Judgments associated with perceptions are also important. According to Horan and colleagues, first impressions may be the most crucial in a relationship. 15 People tend to make quick judgments, conscious and unconscious. Students will form an opinion of you in the first few minutes of your first rehearsal or class. What first impression do you want to make? In addition, you will make snap assessments of your students. Opinions that are made in these first few seconds can have a profound impact on and determine the course of the relationships. 16 However, care can be used to not judge too quickly for there is a need to see the whole person, not just the exterior.
Related to this, caution needs to be taken to avoid self-fulfilling prophecies. If you look for something hard enough, you are likely to find it. If you expect a student, section, class, or ensemble to misbehave, you will be carefully watching for it and will find it. If you think you are going to have an argument with someone, you probably will. Try not to let perceptions define behavior, and be careful—perceptions can be deceiving. Eyes and minds do not always see what is really there.
A few strategies that may help when interacting with others:
Be perceptive and open (interact with students and watch for signs).
Pay attention to details as well as the big picture (if a student has a change in performance or behavior, try to determine if there are life issues interfering with school).
Be slow to pass judgment (when a student misses a concert, that is not necessarily his or her fault).
Be cautious of overgeneralization or stereotypes (all percussionists do not cause trouble).
Focus more on positive than negative aspects (a student may make slower progress than others but still be moving forward).
Keep in mind that some people will misperceive your actions as well. For instance, have you ever had a student claim “you don’t like me” when it is completely untrue? What does the student see in your behavior, words, or face to give this impression? The best ways to avoid being misperceived is to ask questions, interact with others, and ask for feedback. Always make it a point to be “other-oriented” and focus your attention more on others than yourself. Behaviors are reciprocal, and students will reflect your behavior back to you.
Tip 4: Keep Your Emotions in Check
Managing your emotions means expressing them in a way that is appropriate to the situation. Everyone feels emotions—both positive and negative. Managing emotions does not mean that you never feel emotions; instead, it means that you find a way to control them rather than letting emotions control you. In the classroom, be honest with your students about emotions. If you are happy, sad, or angry, communicate that to the students. Let them know how you feel, but don’t get carried away. Music is one of the greatest outlets for human emotion, and a music teacher has opportunities to express and explore emotions through the content. This is a useful way for you to show your students your own humanity and demonstrate mature ways to manage emotions.
In addition to being aware of how you are feeling, you may also want to try to determine what caused those feelings. Everyone has emotional buttons (triggers), and students can excel at pushing them. As an adult and a professional, there is a need to remember and continuously model the ideal that all emotions do not have to be acted on. There will be instances in your classroom that make you feel angry. It is appropriate to talk to students about the fact that you feel angry, but it is not acceptable to act angry by insulting others, yelling, slamming doors, or throwing things. You can learn to anticipate and control situations that will result in a more peaceful and happy environment and greater student learning.
Tip 5: Be Understanding and Empathetic
Empathy is essential in classrooms. According to psychologist and author Daniel Goleman, empathy does not require sharing other’s feelings but an ability to understand or be able to take the perspective of the other. 17 Empathy requires some emotional distance and calls on “thinking” as well as “feeling” skills. 18 Students bring many experiences into the classroom that will affect their ability to relate, communicate, and learn. Try to create a space that is safe and accept students for who they are without analyzing or judging, focusing on the uniqueness of each learner. Music teachers should try to understand what students are feeling and see the world from their point of view. After all, teaching is first and foremost about the students.
When children get upset, frustrated, or angry in your classroom, it is helpful to try to understand how and why they feel the way they do instead of getting angry back. If a student feels understood by the teacher, he or she will feel more secure and safe and ultimately (if healthy) learn to share their feelings in a calm manner. 19 Also, try to see experiences from student perspectives. When a student is having difficulty with a musical activity, take a moment and ask the student, “Can you help me understand how you see this?” or “Can you help me understand what is causing the problem?” The teacher can be empathetic by taking an attentive role as observer and supporter, valuing students’ voices, and encouraging everyone to value them.
Tip 6: Understand Proximity
Proximity has had such an impact on interpersonal relationships that sociologists, anthropologists, psychologists, and educators have studied it. If you think about your classroom or ensemble, what kinds of distances exist between you and the students? Do these distances positively or negatively affect your relationships and connections in the classroom or ensemble? Do you have access to all your students? Can you easily walk up to any child in the classroom? Are your ensembles set up with aisles and rows that will allow you to move freely throughout the room? Are these distances consistent or constantly changing? As you would expect, the closer you are physically to someone, the easier it is to communicate, relate, and connect.
Tip 7: Trust and Respect Others
Trust and respect are foundational principles for any relationship. 20 The essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson stated that trust happens when “someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.” 21 Respect and trust inspire and motivate students to work hard and learn. People are all more willing to embrace opinions of those that are respectful and respected. Within a safe environment of trust and respect, there will be an increased willingness to take risks and be vulnerable, which can lead to greater musical experiences.
Trust in music classrooms can take on many different forms. At the most basic level, students want you to be honest, reliable, and fair. Allow students to participate in decision making in your classroom. Structure your classroom for students to succeed, providing appropriate challenges and assistance. Always deal with misbehavior in a consistent manner and use punishment as a teaching tool and never as revenge.
In music-making, trust is everything. The conductor trusts students to learn and perform the music. Students trust each other to always give 100 percent, and they trust the conductor to program high-quality, appropriate music and teach the skills and knowledge necessary to be successful. Music students need to be able to trust in the musical community so they can feel confident about taking risks, trying new things, expressing their emotions, and even making mistakes. It is through this sense of trust, cooperation, and community that truly beautiful music can be made.
Tip 8: Care!
As a teacher, I believe care for students comes first. Music is important and the reason many initially went into the field of music education. However, music teachers cannot ever overlook importance and value of the students. According to educational philosopher Nel Noddings, caring is a process and something that teachers do, not something they feel. 22 Showing students that you care about them helps create a positive, supportive relationship and helps build an environment where learning can take place. Educational research has shown that students with caring teachers engage more with content, take intellectual risks, and persist in the face of failure. 23 Teachers show caring through committing to help students succeed, focusing on their happiness and well-being, as well as showing interest in their lives outside of the music classroom.
American psychologist Carl Rogers wrote, “Interpersonal relationships are important because people count—the way we interact with others is key to releasing human potential!” 24 Both teachers and students contribute to interpersonal relationships in the rehearsal and classroom. Teachers have the power to influence students and the relationships in positive and negative ways. However, it is of value to remember this: You cannot change others; you can only change yourself and your actions. Other people will change as a result of your behavior and your example. 25