Abstract
The aim of this study was to identify the outcomes of parental bereavement and the changes in life experience that follow the traumatic death of a teenage child. The results of the study are aimed to assist counselors and educators who work with themes of grief and loss. From 17 in-depth interviews from parents bereaved by the Sewol ferry disaster of 2014 in South Korea, three main categories were found to capture the reality for parents after the sudden and traumatic death of a teenage child: (a) personal changes, (b) changes in close relationships, and (c) changes in social life. Recommendations for future research and potential implications were discussed.
In the spring of 2014, South Korea experienced one of its most high-profile maritime disasters, as a 6,825-ton ship capsized killing 304 people, 250 of which were high school students on a class field strip. This catastrophe tormented the whole country in grief and distrust toward the government’s disaster response protocol for failing to rescue the victims.
What made this event so traumatic was not just the number of deaths but the details of the day of the event. When the ship suddenly capsized, rapidly letting in sea water into the body of the vessel, the captain and crewmembers abandoned the ship without instructing the passengers to do the same. Rather, the passengers were told to remain down deck, which many of them did to their peril. Major news stations broadcasted live as the ship took more than an hour to completely disappear underwater, trapping in the hundreds of victims inside. Loved ones watched in vain as emergency dispatchers scrambled to rescue the few who jumped into the water with life jackets. During the sinking, many of the adolescents who eventually drowned talked to their parents on their phones via phone call or text messaging. The unexpectedness and absurdness of the event, the fact that these events had been witnessed at a distance by helpless parents via cell phones and news broadcasts, and bodies that are still missing add to the risk of severe traumatic after-effects of the bereaved.
The bereaved also had to face extensive exposure in the media during the following months, as they participated to varying degrees in the captain’s court trial, which concluded with a verdict for imprisonment for life. Furthermore, even as 2 years have passed since the disaster, still there are no clear answers as to why the ship suddenly capsized. An independent investigation commission was established by request of the bereaved parents, but it has been disbanded after 18 months of investigations to no avail. Many key executive members of the Korean coast guard have been let go and the President has made several public apologies, yet parents continue to demand for the active will of government, such as raising and recovering the ferry, which would lead to a more complete investigation. On the other hand, opposing groups urge them to give up and go home, arguing that further investigation is a waste of government officials’ time and tax payers’ money (Borowiee, 2016). Victims’ parents are also criticized by opposing groups who say that the families have already been fully compensated financially. They also criticize the temporary classroom memorial established by the bereaved parents’ committee. Classrooms where the deceased students once studied at Dan-Won High School are still kept empty, with desks piled up with notes, flowers, and gifts from parents and friends (Fackler, 2015). Parents are claiming for the preservation of the classrooms for commemoration purposes, an act that is considered stubborn by opposing groups, some school officials, and some of the parents whose children currently attend Dan-Won High School (Kyeong, 2016) who say that keeping the classrooms intact and unusable for lessons interferes with the education of the remaining Dan-Won High School students by distracting them from their studies. In this way, there is still much attention that needs to be given to the aftermath of the Sewol Ferry Disaster. There is room for meaningful implications from a research perspective regarding what is needed on a personal and national level for healing.
The purpose of the present study was to examine bereavement experiences from the perspective of adolescent victims’ parents 2 years after the death of their child. We aimed to explore how parents’ perspectives have changed in the areas of their lives and how the trauma was affecting their lives as the now highly politicized national disaster has become an unforgettable landmark of sorrow, guilt, and trauma in South Korean history.
Parental Bereavement Following a Traumatic Death
The grief after losing a child has been described as the most difficult and deepest sorrow that parents can experience (Arnold & Gemma, 2008; Davies, 2004). It is explained as a lifelong and changing process that is universal, but at the same time very personal and individual (Davies, 2004). Rubin (1993) found functional impairment and ongoing grief after 13 years postdeath. A study by Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, Greenberg, and Hong (2008) showed higher depression and health problems in bereaved parents up to 35 years following bereavement. The impact of surviving the death of a child may, therefore, endure for the parent’s whole lifetime (Harper, O’Connor, Dickson, & O’Carroll, 2011). Grief is a complex process that includes different dimensions: despair, panic behavior, personal growth, blame and anger, detachment, and disorganization (Hogan, Greenfield, & Schmidt, 2001; Hogan & Schmidt, 2002). It is common for grieving parents to experience regret or self-blame due to the feeling that they should have done something differently (Cacciatore, 2010; Dyregrov, 1999).
Social Implications Surrounding the Death of a Child
The death of a child, which negatively affects adjustment and physical well-being, also may have profound social implications in the home and work setting (Rando, 1993). Some marriages are strengthened, whereas others dissolve (Dijkstra & Stroebe, 1998; Lehman, Lang, Wortman, & Sorenson, 1989). Parents who are younger and healthier reported more marital relationship satisfaction (Joronen, Kaunonen, & Aho, 2015), and some parents reported becoming more empathic and responsive in relationships 6 to 19 months after the death of their child (Gilmer et al., 2012). Other studies have shown that bereaved parents have reported less marital satisfaction, less sexual intimacy, more frequent thoughts of separation, and higher divorce rates than nonbereaved parents (Lang & Gottlieb, 1991; Najman, et al., 1993). Parents also may be consumed by grief and “overlook” surviving children in the home (Rosen, 1985). Bereaved parents have reported more parenting stress than nonbereaved parents (Lehman et al., 1989), and bereaved siblings have reported less communication, availability, and support from parents after the death of the sibling (Gilmer et al., 2012; Rosen, 1985).
In regard to the larger social context, bringing grief or extensions of grief into the workplace is inevitable, as parents cannot be expected to leave their feelings at the door when they walk into their offices. Impairment in daily functioning has been found after bereavement (Li, Precht, Mortensen, & Olsen, 2003), which can be expected to damage performance at work. Functional impairment in the context of the ability to work or function in social activities has been reported by bereaved parents 1.5 years after the mass killings in Norway in 2011 (Joronen et al., 2015).
Current Study
To date, little work has examined parental life experiences following the sudden death of a child, especially from a public disaster. Concerns that the interviews with the bereaved should be sensitively conducted have led to most studies conducting their research through questionnaires (Wing, Clance, Burge-Callaway, & Armistead, 2001; Yang et al., 2015). In this study, we examined the changes that parents of children who died in the Sewol ferry disaster experienced in the various aspects of their lives using qualitative methodology in order to illuminate their bereavement experiences. The first general aim was to establish whether the parents experienced significant life experience changes after the death of their child. The second question concerned the detailed content of this change and asked how these changes presented themselves in the victims’ daily lives. Mass disasters causing loss of life, injury and emotional impact for survivors, grief for families and relatives, and socioeconomic consequences for communities and societies can happen anywhere in the world (Dalgleish, Joseph, & Yule, 2000). Therefore, there is growing need to understand the dimensions of grief and grief outcomes in multiple cultural settings.
Method
Participants
Seventeen bereaved parents (10 mothers and 7 fathers) took part in retrospective, open-ended interviews. Parents represented together 12 deceased children. Mothers and fathers averaged around 40 years of age. All participants were Korean in ethnical background and citizenship. All participants were living in Ansan, a mid-sized city located southwest of Seoul, where Dan-Won High School is located. Among all the parents, 12 mothers and fathers reported having jobs, but 9 quit their jobs after the disaster. Except for one participant, parents had at least one other child in addition to the deceased child. Interviews were conducted 23 months to 28 months after the experienced death. Ethical approval for this study was given by the institutional review board at the authors’ affiliated university.
Procedure and Data Collection
Bereaved parents held “college campus meetings” where they visited universities in Seoul during parliament election season to motivate students to vote for members of congress that supported the Sewol cause. We recruited two of the parents at one such meeting they held at authors’ affiliated university. Thereafter, snowball sampling was used to recruit a total of 17 participants where parents recommended other parents who they knew would be willing to share their experience. Not all participants who were introduced or recommended in the process agreed to the interview.
Interviews were conducted individually by researchers consisting of a professor in the counseling psychology program in the college of education and three master’s degree students. The first author mainly conducted the interviews while the other researchers took field notes and assisted the interviews (asked additional questions, etc.). Based on parents’ preferences, all interviews were conducted at the participants’ home, the city’s Youth Welfare Center, or at the Sewol Memorial Altar. A small compensation was provided to the participants for their time and transportation. Interview sessions were between 120 and 180 minutes long. Interviews were audio-taped and transcribed verbatim within the week after the interviews. Interview questions were developed by the research team before the interviews but were also changed or omitted depending on the participant’s account. Interviews started with the same lead-in question: Two years have passed since the Sewol ferry disaster. It must be a very difficult time for you. How did you feel at that time and now? Can you tell us what personal changes you have experienced as a result of your child’s death? How would you say you have changed in your relationship with family, friends, and others?
Analysis
A qualitative approach was used to analyze participants’ responses to open-ended questions. Based on digitally transcribed interviews and field notes, four researchers independently analyzed the data using a method of content analysis (Hickey & Kipping, 1996; Lo Biondo-Wood & Haber, 2006). The focus of the analysis was on the changes that parents had experienced after the traumatic death of their child. All interviews were read repeatedly and thoroughly to gain an overall sense of what the experience meant for the participants. In this process, key words and significant statements were highlighted and developed into major and minor themes, with major themes developing into descriptive categories and minor themes developing into conceptual themes. When disagreements between researchers occurred, they were discussed thoroughly during weekly meetings by elaborately reviewing, analyzing, and discussing the specific part of the transcript in question. Using a method of analyst triangulation, which involves having multiple analysts review the findings, we allowed for a check on blind spots that an individual may have had in the interpretive process in order to increase validity (Patton, 2001). In order to demonstrate further credibility and validity, auditing was performed by one professional in clinical social work with a PhD degree who has been involved with extensive and profound qualitative works as a principal investigator. The auditing was provided at three separate times regarding the coding process and conduct of study and allowed for greater neutrality on the part of the auditor by allowing this process to be made independently from the study (Given, 2008).
All interviews were conducted and transcribed in Korean. Translation of the text did not occur until after the analysis of the text was complete, because we wanted the meanings to be extracted within the context of the original text as a whole. This was to ensure conceptual equivalence in the data, which is achieved by translating how a word relates conceptually in a given context rather than a word-by-word translation (Squires, 2009). In fact, the act of translation itself allowed for researchers to further reflect on the meanings of the concepts being reexpressed in translation. All researchers were fluent in Korean and English. Because there was no language barrier between the interviewer and interviewee, the presence of a hired translator was unnecessary, and we felt confident translating the data ourselves. Since those who translated the text were also present at the interviews, details such as nuance and body languages were considered, to mitigate the challenges of cross-language research.
To gain a better understanding of the magnitude of the categories and a better understanding of which changes were experienced dominantly (Hickey & Kipping, 1996), three researchers independently conducted frequency counts of categories of changes. These results were compared, challenged, and reallocated, taking care not to force responses into categories in which they did not fit (Hickey & Kipping, 1996). Frequency counts were produced by counting the coded data manually. We also wanted to use frequencies to gain a fuller description of the data and to make it possible to write about these aspects by theme in detail (Hickey & Kipping, 1996).
Results
Parental Change as Perceived by Mothers and Fathers.
Personal Changes
All of the parents reported experiencing personal changes since the death of their child. These changes occurred in parents’ (a) emotion—feeling depressed, angry, and guilty; (b) physical state—illnesses and pain; (c) cognition—difficulties in cognitive function, (d) health behavior—drinking alcohol, eating poorly, and smoking; (e) perspectives—change in meaning of life and death; and (f) personality—changes in characteristic patterns in relating to others. Themes and subthemes are described later.
Emotions
Parents reported experiencing depressive moods (n = 17; 100%) that were in some cases accompanied by suicidal thoughts (n = 3; 18%). Depressive moods were related to hopelessness toward their irreversible situation—living a life without their child. The everyday reality of their child’s absence caused a looming sensing of a “lack” that transitioned into depressive moods with time. This is illustrated by one father who said about his wife: “She’s depressed … It’s internal. She pretends she’s not, but I’ve lived with her for 30 years. It shows. I feel like I shouldn’t leave her alone in the house.” Fathers also experienced intense emotions that lead to thoughts of suicide. As one father stated: If it was just me, and I didn’t have my wife, sometimes I wonder, to tell you the truth. I know myself. I wouldn’t have been able to notice [surviving child]. I would have just, killed myself.
At the same time, parents were angry (n = 17; 100%) that although their world had shattered, people were going about their everyday lives as if nothing had happened. This is illustrated by one mother who expressed her anger in the following way: When I see people just living life as if nothing has happened, I get so angry. Even yesterday … I have a niece who’s a schoolteacher. I mean I’m sure she’s sad about what happened to her cousin. But she doesn’t do anything about it. So I got so mad at her. I just sent her a text message out of the blue, telling her that the children wouldn’t have died if the teachers did their job. The thing is, they could have saved the children. That’s why we’re aggravated. If the school had just canceled the trip … The government and the guards could have rescued the children on numerous occasions. Why didn’t they? That’s why we’re so angry.
Another major emotion displayed by the parents was a sense of guilt (n = 8; 47%) and responsibility for the death of their child. “I feel guilty to be alive. I feel guilty to be breathing. Sometimes I think that I would feel less guilty if I could have died instead of him. Then I would feel less sorry.” Parents considered the safety of their children their responsibility. In particular, fathers reported feeling guilty for “not being there” for their child at the time of the disaster. Even after 2 years since the death, parents reported that they were unable to engage in entertainment or recreational activities such as going on vacation, because they felt sorry for their deceased child.
Physical
Physical changes were noted by all of the mothers and most of the fathers. Two years after the disaster, parents were suffering from sleeplessness, dental and gum issues, indigestion, loss of energy, headaches, hard of hearing, dim eyes, major illnesses, menstrual pain, and breathlessness. All of the parents (n = 17; 100%) experienced sleeplessness, as one father described, “I wake up about 3 times at night. I want to sleep. I lay down but my eyes are open. So I’m always tired. I was always thin, but I’m getting thinner.” In particular, most parents suffered from severe dental issues due to the weakening of the gums (n = 9; 53%). As one father reported: I have a lot of dental issues. Some mothers and fathers have had all their teeth fall out … There’s only one reason for that. You have to let the anger out. But you let it accumulate within. When we go to the hospital, they don’t have a diagnosis. They say nothing in particular is wrong. But that’s not what we feel. They say it’s stress. It’s a scary thought. Not knowing why you’re sick. It’s frightening that the anger just gets stored inside of you.
It is worth noting that many of the symptoms that the parents experienced were not diagnosable by doctors, which made their health problems more worrisome for the parents. Some parents did not expect their symptoms to be diagnosable, as they accepted physical pain and symptoms as a natural part of the grieving process. And we hurt all around. And the reason for that is because we are filled with anger. Then the muscles contract and the circulating system is clogged. And it comes in the form of pain or infection. Basically we don’t have a lot of energy. We can’t be active … A lot of parents have issues breathing. After the tragedy, we can’t breathe small breaths like normal. Breathing is hard and frustrating. It’s like there is a lump in my chest.
Cognition
Many of the parents reported cognitive changes such as issues in cognitive functioning that displayed itself in the inability to focus on tasks (n = 8; 47%) and memory deterioration (n = 7; 41%). Parents were distracted and unable to engage in mentally straining activities for long periods of time. One father who used to be a salesman said “When I was working I used to have 150 to 200 client phone numbers memorized. But now I can’t memorize numbers at all,” mentioning that it was very unlike himself to forget clients’ phone numbers. Words such as names of objects escaped their memories.
Another notable cognitive change were experiences in the supernatural. Parents reported witnessing their deceased child in visions or hearing and believing supernatural events surrounding their child. For example, one mother explained how she met a painter who drew her daughter’s hair to be straight when in fact the daughter had just had a perm right before the disaster. The painter said that when he had left the room, the hair in the painting changed into curls. The mother said, “He was too afraid to draw our children after that. I think the children still have something left to say.” Another mother said that she met her deceased son and had a conversation with him when he appeared in a vision in the bathroom. She said that this supernatural experience deeply comforted her because it showed her that her son was in heaven.
Health behavior
Parents engaged in destructive health behaviors such as drinking alcohol (n = 11; 65%), eating poorly (n = 7; 41%), and smoking (n = 5; 29%). Many were in the habit of regularly skipping meals. Some were too busy protesting and sharing awareness to eat. Others thought it a luxury to take care of themselves by eating well. Many reported that they did not have an appetite.
Most fathers described the inevitability of picking up unhealthy habits for no other reason than to cope with the pain and loss. One father started smoking. Those who did not drink before or drank occasionally began to drink heavily. Heavy drinking was found to be a way to appease the acute pain of missing the one they could not see. Fathers drank alone at home or gathered to engage in drinking within the group of bereaved fathers. Alcohol was used as a way to express their emotions. Many fathers reported not being able to sleep without the help of alcohol. Many parents reported that alcohol became their solace, saying, “I don’t know if I could have made it without the help of alcohol.” One father illustrates why he thinks he became addicted in the following statement: Mentally when I drink, I think less about the children. If I’m sober I keep thinking [about them]. But when I drink a part of my brain shuts down and the children get drowned out. Then I just pass out and go to sleep. And then I wake up in the middle of the night. In the morning I regret the drinking … But it’s a habit and an addiction. My brain keeps accepting the alcohol, and I feel more relaxed—my thoughts are more relaxed.
Perspectives
Parents displayed dramatic changes in perspectives in two areas: changes in life purpose (n = 6; 35%): centering their lives around their deceased child, and loss of the will to live (n = 4; 24%): displaying a wish to be dead. Parents’ whole lives revolved around the death of their child and their activist work regarding the Sewol ferry disaster. Many parents said that the purpose of their life is to figure out what happened to their child that lead them to their death. Parents said that they were willing to “give up their life” to get to the bottom of their child’s death. A mother said that she would devote the rest of her life to making sure something like this never happens again to another child in this country. Not only did parents change in their perspectives on life, but they also changed in their perspectives on death. A number of parents reported that they do not care about their own death, with some even saying that they looked forward to their death, because it meant that they would “be able to see their child again.” One parent even said, “When I hear about people who have died, I envy them. I think, ‘Well, I’m sure that that mother met her son.’” Death was seen as a means of reunion with their deceased child, but it also meant an end to the agony of living a life without their beloved child. Parents had no hope for the future, made no long-term plans such as saving money to move to a larger house or buy a better car. I’ve been sick for many years, and I went through a divorce. I thought I had my share of suffering in this life, and then this happened. I just want to get through this life and finish in the least ugliest way possible. That is my small desire.
Transformation of personality
The abovementioned changes in emotion, physical state, behavior, and cognition contributed to the overall transformation of personality that most parents experienced. Most parents were unsatisfied with the personality they developed after the death of their child.
Parents became self-conscious of other people to an extent that it was interfering with their everyday lives (n = 7; 41%). Parents were acutely self-conscious of their appearance when going out in public as bereaved parents of the Sewol ferry disaster. One mother said that she felt like she was “becoming a celebrity.” I want to be free. Right now I am not free. I am in bondage. People keep watch on me. … If I want to buy clothes, I can. If I want to buy a bag, I can. If I want to buy a car, I can. If I want to renovate my house, I can. But because I’m a bereaved, I find myself delaying those purchases … I feel self-conscious in a way. I’m becoming like a celebrity. We’ve become public figures. The people around us monitor us. When I walk around I have to purposely look pitiful. We’re public figures. You know, we call celebrities public figures. We’re just the same. We can’t get mad in public. We have to keep our mouths shut. Dress modestly. We can’t have a manicure or wear makeup.
Parents admitted that they had also become suspicious of other people (n = 3; 18%). This is illustrated by a remark from a father who said: “When I meet someone, I’m immediately suspicious. What does that person think of me? Does he know my child is a victim of the Sewol ferry disaster? I always think that.”
Parents also displayed disregard toward social norms (n = 2; 12%). Parents were unwilling to follow social norms and public order. As one mother reported: In the past, I used to think about the environment … so I would recycle. But now, I don’t … You don’t have to live by the rules. [Bad things] happen, even if you live by the rules. I don’t feel the need to recycle, or keep to traffic lights anymore … I have bad thoughts. I don’t try as hard to do everything right. When I see death, and bad things happening to other people in the news, I have no sympathy toward them. All I can think about is how bad I’ve got it in life, what I’m going through. Everything else seems bearable. My mother is way beyond her 80’s. My child died when she was 18. So I have no sympathy for my mom’s death. I don’t care if she’s sick. She’s lived her time. My daughter didn’t even get a chance at life.
Changes in Close Relationships
The death of a child was perceived to have changed parents’ relationships with their family members and other acquaintances. Overall, once close relationships became distant, as parents isolated themselves due to their pain. Parents reported that it was difficult to receive condolence from others, even from close and intimate relationships, such as marital relationships. Parents reported experiencing dramatic changes in (a) marital relationships, (b) parent–child relationships, and (c) relationships with relatives or friends.
Spouse
Parents reported negative (n = 16; 94%) and positive (n = 7; 41%) changes in the marital relationship. The most prominent negative change that manifested in marital relationships was the decline in verbal communication such as speaking about the child’s death. Mothers in particular found this frustrating, as illustrated by one mother, who said: “I don’t know what my husband is thinking. We don’t talk about [deceased child]. So I don’t know what he feels.” Husbands said that it was difficult to communicate with their wives, complaining that their wives were not as patient and kind as they used to be. There were more frequent arguments about minor issues. Emotional changes such as anger or irritability contributed to the change in marital interactions. “My wife used to be gentle. But now she snaps at me,” said one father. Another said: “I don’t want to spend time with my wife anymore. She’s become so irritable. Her words have become very hurtful.” In many cases, this mutual dissatisfaction with the relationship has lead to increased time apart. Parents find it difficult to receive from or offer condolences to their spouse, because they find it difficult to deal with their own pain. This is illustrated by one mother, who said: In the beginning, [my husband] used to come home drunk and cry every day. After a while it gets tiresome. I don’t want to hear it. I’m in pain, too. I try to cry on my own time. So the both of us, we have our own separate ways of coping. He tends to busy himself with his volunteer work, and I spend time with the other moms. Before the disaster, I said “No” a lot. But now I try to do everything for my wife. We have a greater appreciation for family now. We knew family was important before, but now we know more. We put in more effort.
Children
Parenting after the death of a child proved challenging, some parents reporting negative changes in the relationship (n = 12; 71%) and some parents reporting positive changes (n = 6; 35%). Mothers especially were faced with the challenge of having to both care for their remaining child and grieve their own loss. As one mother put it, “For a whole month I couldn’t cook or clean, or do anything. I felt sorry for [surviving child], because he wasn’t getting his meals.” Parents reported that tensions heightened as the child was dealing with his or her own loss. [Surviving child] wouldn’t even bring it [brother’s death] up. He wouldn’t even talk about the disaster … pretend it didn’t happen. When he would come home, he would just go to his room and shut the door. He wouldn’t talk to me. Even though he’s my son, I don’t know what he’s thinking or how he’s hurting because of his sister. I don’t know how he’s coping with his pain. Maybe he’s just enduring the pain. I don’t know. Even though I’m his mother. Sometimes I think that I want to go inside his head. It’s frustrating sometimes.
Parents also reported positive changes to the parent–child relationship (n = 6; 35%). Some parents displayed a greater appreciation for their surviving child. As one father stated, “In regards to [surviving child], I’m just thankful that she’s healthy and alive with me.”
Relatives and friends
Significant changes were reported in relationships with relatives and friends. All changes were negative (n = 15; 88%) with no positive changes reported. Parents were often hurt by seemingly friendly remarks, because they felt that the concerns implied the suggestion to move on with life and “leave the child behind.” Many parents said that they no longer keep in contact with their parents and parents-in-law. The reasons for this phenomenon were reported as the following: (a) family outings with extended family members did not seem appropriate overall, (b) family gatherings were a reminder of the empty space left behind by the deceased child, and (c) family members were not able to relate to the pain that they were experiencing and unintentionally uttered thoughtless remarks.
There were other instances of severed ties with relatives that resulted from the inability to perform “filial piety duties” after the death of a child. For example, one mother who was living with her mother-in-law suffered from extreme depression after the death of her son, which made her unable to do household chores such as cleaning and cooking. This created tensions with her mother-in-law, which lead to the couple moving out. Another filial piety duty that became difficult to perform was ancestral rites. Parents were no longer willing to perform duties to their ancestors because they “resented them for not saving” their child.
Parents also reported experiencing difficulties with their friends, who they thought were unable to empathize with their situation, because they could not understand what it meant to lose a child. Parents’ rejected their friends’ consolidations, sometimes explicitly displaying disdain toward their remarks, because they considered them insincere or uninformed. When I meet my friends—people I’ve known for a long time—they always say “Stop the protesting and move on with your life.” I don’t talk to them anymore, or pick up their calls. I think to myself, “Well, I hope your child dies, so you can know it’s not that easy.” I know I shouldn’t think that way, but that’s how I feel. I don’t talk with my friends anymore. One friend has a kid who’s going to college this year. One friend has a kid who’s still studying for college entrance exams. My friends talk about their kids, and I don’t have anything to say … I’m reminded of my daughter and how she would have studied for college if she were still alive. It’s distressful to think about such things.
Changes in Social Life
Parents struggled to return to their public lives such as their local communities and religious affiliations. Changes were also reported in parents’ employment circumstances. Employment was considered by many parents as a means to return to their previous way of living, and a tie that connected them to things that were not related to the disaster and the death of their child. Although most of the parents were dual-income families before the death of their child, with all fathers and most mothers holding full-time jobs and a few mothers holding part-time jobs, the majority of mothers and fathers either reduced their work schedule or took time off work after the death of their child.
Severance from local community
Parents experienced a severance from their local Ansan community (n = 11; 65%). Parents who used to have friendly relations with their neighbors in Ansan province felt that they were no longer able to go freely about their neighborhood because they felt self-conscious. Many parents wanted to avoid running into their neighbors as much as possible. One mother said that she now never walks around the neighborhood but always drives, even to the nearest places. This was due to the immense hostility that parents experienced from neighbors. Parents felt betrayed by neighbors when they did not join in with them in protest and truth ascertainment activities against the government. Parents were torn when some neighbors further disrupted or disapproved of such activities. As one father said: “The people in Ansan were the most uncooperative.” This betrayal is best illustrated by a remark bya mother who said: It really hurts. If it was someone from out of town, I can understand. But when the lady who lives below us, who used to dote on my daughter, was the first to want the temporary classroom memorial gone, it really hurts. It’s because now her child is attending the school.
Although some parents have completely “turned [their] back on Ansan,” some parents have made attempts to reunite with the community, but to no gain. As one mother stated: “We are trying to go back to the community. We tried to open up meetings here, but they wave dismissively. It really hurts. When we go, the atmosphere is stiff and uncomfortable. They have aggressive eyes.” Many parents have contemplated the idea of moving to a different neighborhood. There were still people outside of Ansan who were supportive of their cause, such as victims of similar disasters. But this too was not an easy decision. “I think about leaving Ansan. But all my memories with [deceased child] are in Ansan. And if they make a memorial park, it will be here. So I feel like I should stay in Ansan.”
Religious community
Many of the parents who were previously a part of a religious community such as a church organization reported falling away from the community. Many parents reported positive experiences with their religious community after the disaster (n = 5; 29%), although some reported negative experiences (n = 2; 12%). Some of the parents who had prior religious affiliations said that their faith helped them overcome their grief. Parents sang worship songs and prayed when they were in distress. One mother said that her hope in God was what kept her from committing suicide. One mother who worked at church wanted to share her faith with the other mothers who were going through the same grief. One father said, “My wife doesn’t drink [alcohol] at all. So she gets her solace from religious services. She has a good relationship with the Christian people [there].”
Some parents reported being hurt by church leaders who were not there for them. Many felt that the church was not attentive enough to their emotional needs as a grieving parent. One mother said that she was very disappointed with the church when they had celebrations with music, which resulted in her leaving the church altogether. One parent said, “One pastor of the church told me that I should stop doing the social activism work since my child has gone to a good place. He said I would be better off coming to church and doing church duties. It is really painful to hear.”
Loss of meaning of work
Parents who continued to work found that the meaning of work had become degenerate (n = 7; 41%). Parents were no longer fulfilled at work and many lost inspiration and passion to do better or achieve in the workplace. Parents continued to go to work just for the money, or as a distraction from the pain of their loss. Parents who used to be motivated to pursue their careers lost this goal, and therefore, the meaning of work for them was tarnished. Why do I have to work so hard? What am I going to do with my career? In the past, I was a perfectionist. I would think twice about my work. Now, I don’t want to work. I have no interest in it. I don’t concentrate when I work. I can’t focus on my job. When I get to work, I just sit there without a thought in my mind. My mind is blank. I think to myself, “Why am I here?” I know I have to work, but I just can’t. After about a month, I told my boss that I just can’t focus, and that I’m afraid I’ll just be a burden. I told them I was sorry, and I came home. I returned to my family.
Withdrawal from work
Parents who ran businesses shut down their business, and parents who had work quit (n = 5; 29%), because they were “emotionally unavailable” to work. However, parents who quit their jobs felt hollow and felt that they were worthless as a person. I closed my business after the disaster, because I was mentally disturbed and unable to do any work. I was a real estate agent. I have to work with other people’s money. I have a responsibility to my clients. But I couldn’t do anything with this kind of a mentally … After I lost my business overnight, I felt so discouraged and incompetent. I thought I had worked hard to make a good life for myself. I thought, now what do I do?
Isolation in the workplace
Parents who returned to work after the death of their child reported feeling isolated in the workplace among their coworkers (n = 5; 29%). Parents were self-conscious about their work performance, because they were worried that coworkers would disapprove of exemptions they received at work. They worried they would be perceived as unprofessional if they were to cry at work. They were not able to socialize with their coworkers like they did before. Some parents remarked that insensitive remarks made by coworkers made it difficult to keep working. One father said, “I know that my colleagues talk behind my back. It hurts my feelings. It wasn’t like this with them before.”
Discussion
The aim of this study was to explore the content of grief in the context of the Sewol ferry disaster. Two years after the tragic event, parents’ lives still revolved around the disaster as they searched for answers that would give them the keys to be able to fully grieve their loss. As much as the manner of death and surrounding events were complex, the bereavement experiences were also complex and diverse. Analysis of the interviews shows that parents who lost their child during the Sewol ferry disaster have experienced this loss as a significant turning point in their lives. The death of their child was not only grievous but also brought change in their mental and physical health, identity and personality, and relationships and social life. This change was dramatic and lasted beyond 2 years after the loss, with many issues even heightening with time. The following section is a discussion on the meaningful findings of the study.
Personal Changes Consistent With That of Previous Studies
A meaningful finding in terms of changes in the emotions of bereaved parents was that acute guilt was demonstrated in parents’ interviews 2 years after the death of their child. Previous studies show that a death of a child may cause parents to feel a sense of guilt and responsibility toward the death (Romanoff & Terenzio, 1998). This sense of responsibility for a death can heighten in situations where there is a lack of actual persons being held responsible (Freeman, 2004). It has been shown that in the absence of a responsible party, there is a tendency for the bereaved to blame themselves in an attempt to make the event more understandable and therefore easier to cope with (Freeman, 2004). It may be that the displayed guilt is a natural survival tactic that allows for them to feel that their circumstances are somewhat controllable. Therefore, the guilt reported by parents in this study may be understood in this context. The ambiguity of punishable persons may have led to parents punishing themselves for the death of their child. Further, getting to the bottom of what happened to the ferry on April 16 may be exactly what parents need in order to heal from the guilt-ridden conscience that has penetrated the nation.
Anger was also an acute emotion that parents were experiencing in their daily lives. It is common for parents to experience increased anger and hostility (Barrera et al., 2007; Rando, 1983) after the death of their child. Parents bereaved by homicide also report emotions of hostility and revenge, even as they report secondary victimization by the criminal justice system when trials regarding the death of their child deem unsatisfactory (Thompson, Norris, & Ruback, 1998). Since many parents perceived that their children were victims of a widespread apathy and ignorance toward the government’s safety protocols, parental results in this study were similar to that of parents whose children had been victims of crimes such as murder.
Another personal change of note were changes in (mental and physical) health and health behaviors. Parents displayed nine kinds of physical symptoms and illnesses. Some parents experienced multiple symptoms and most parents reported to experiencing health problems of some kind, although many symptoms had rather low frequency counts. Results implying increased health-related risks after the death of a child are consistent with previous studies. In a recent study on bereavement during the tsunami, loss of children was a predictor for higher risk of impaired mental health (Johannesson, Lundin, Hultman, Fröjd, & Michel, 2011). Sleep problems are also common after bereavement (Barrera et al., 2007; Buckle & Fleming, 2011; Currier, Holland, & Neimeyer, 2006). However, it is notable that health issues were not always reported in the form of a diagnosis in this study. Parents felt an overall lack of energy and a shutdown of functions in the body that were not necessarily directly linked to a medical diagnosis. These reports of symptoms were highly intuitive and reflected parents’ notions that their body was reacting to their grief. For example, dental problems, which was one of the more prominent physical symptoms, were reported by parents to be a result of the clenching of the teeth due to them bottling up their anger inside. Parents also speculated that physical discomforts were due to stress, anger, or heavy drinking, which has been found as a common coping mechanism for the bereaved (Rostilia, Saarela, & Kawachi, 2012).
Changes in perspectives were reported by a majority of the participants. Changes in perspectives refer to changes in parents’ perspectives on fundamental values such as life and death. Meaning of life shifted to center around the death of their child. Many parents were working full time as activists and considered this work the most valuable. Other priorities such as making a living and caring for surviving children were overlooked. The death of their child meant that their life purpose was going to change. This is consistent with a previous study by Talbot (2002), who found that some bereaved mothers experienced reintegration of their self-identity, which is illustrated through an integration of their parental role with new goals and purposes. Social activism replaced parenting as a way of caring for their deceased child even after their death. Parents strongly believed that this was the least that they could do for their deceased child. Protests and truth ascertainment work had substituted for the parenting role, as well as the conservation work of memorials that honored their child.
At the same time, meaning of death changed, as death was considered to be a desirable alternative to their painful reality. Other work has highlighted changes in the beliefs and priorities of bereaved individuals, such as a lack of purpose in life (Barrera et al., 2007). Sudden and violent death often creates a crisis regarding assumptions about the world, which leads to an intensive search for meaning (Gillies & Neimeyer, 2006). The death of a child can also shatter parents’ personal identity and self-concept (Uren & Wastell, 2002), which was also displayed by the parents of this study in their trivialization of their own mortality. This is consistent with Harper et al.’s (2011) study of 13 bereaved mothers, which showed that death was considered to be a desirable alternative to the agony of bereavement—first in the context of death as a release from the pain of loss, and second, as a means of reunion with the deceased. Many of the participants in Harper et al.’s (2011) study reported contemplating suicide, but none reported actually attempting suicide, a pattern that was identical to this study.
Disconnection in Close Relationships
In addition to personal changes, all participants reported experiencing changes in close relationships, especially in the intimate family setting. These changes were mostly negative, such as growing further apart or hostile, although some parents reported that they appreciated their family members more after their loss. Disconnection between married couples after the death of a child is common. It has even been suggested that parents say hurtful remarks to one another on purpose to achieve disconnection (Freeman, 2004). Parents may also be unwilling to speak to one another because they do not want to arouse more sadness in their partner. Couples who are in different stages of mourning may also be unwilling to communicate with one another. For example, a partner who has “gotten over” the death of their child may not want to see their partner continually crying (Freeman, 2004). With the exception of one participant, all participants were married at the time of the interview. However, married or unmarried, parents perceived themselves to be alone in their grief.
This disconnection was also prevalent in parent–child relationships. A recurring difficulty in parent–child relationships was that parents felt as though their children were hiding their emotions from them, therefore making it difficult for parents to communicate with their children. This may be due to children’s acute awareness of their parents’ grief. Children perceive hierarchies of grief (Talwar, Harris, & Schleifer, 2011), meaning that they perceive and understand that their parents’ grief is greater than theirs. Children, therefore, do not want to “bother” their parents grieving, which they perceive as “superior” than their own. Parent’s grief may also impede the parent’s ability to recognize their child’s grief (Talwar et al., 2011). Disconnection also arose due to the parents’ inability to care for, discipline or parent their surviving children, because of their preoccupation with the deceased child. This reflects other studies that show that bereaved mothers felt their parental role to be “burdensome,” as preoccupation with the lost child was far more salient than the need to care for their other children (Harper et al., 2011).
However, our results conflict with recent literature on parental bereavement that highlights positive relationship outcomes, such as the strengthening of relationships after the death of a child (Gilmer et al., 2012; Joronen et al., 2015). With basic physical, mental, and emotional abilities compromised, parents in the present study may have been unable to develop appreciation and empathy in their relationships. Also, the uncommon situation that these parents are facing of having to participate as full-time activists may have had some impact on the parent–child relationship as parents were physically unable to be with their children during these times. Further research on relationship outcomes after bereavement is needed.
Difficulties Returning to Work and Social Stigma
Parents experienced isolation in the workplace and in their local and religious communities. Isolation in the workplace was caused by parents willingly leaving their jobs due to loss of emotional availability or loss of a sense of a reason to work. This is consistent with a previous study that suggests that the shock of losing a child thrusts parents into questioning their reality such that earlier work might have no meaning, triggering a quest for meaningful work (Hazen, 2008). In the case of the parents in this study, activist work regarding the Sewol ferry disaster had become a significantly more meaningful work. Hazen (2008) has also discovered that within the context of losing a child, parents may also become a part of a new social network (Hazen, 2008). This was certainly the case with parents in this study as they created their own community to fight for their cause. With many parents working full time as social activists, concerns arise as to the future of these parents when truth ascertainment struggles are eventually resolved or become obsolete.
Bereaved parents also experience challenges in their position in social groups and within society for being identified as “the parent whose child died” (Gilmer et al., 2012; McBride & Toller, 2011; Riches & Dawson, 1996). Parents in this study felt that they were stigmatized as being “a Sewol Ferry Bereaved” in social settings. Parents felt betrayed and abandoned by their social communities and reported feeling hurt by hurtful and careless remarks made toward them. They felt that there was a societal norm as to how bereaved parents were to act, and this in turn, made them suspicious and self-conscious to the point of not being able to laugh in public. This is consistent with previous studies that show that stigmatizing attitudes are not unique to suicide and may also be directed at people bereaved by accidental deaths or preventable deaths (Chapple, Ziebland, & Hawton, 2015). People in the community or work place either avoided the parents or opposed them for their social causes. Regardless of the manner or reason, social stigma regarding one’s death can make it difficult for the bereaved to mourn (Freeman, 2004). How parents felt about other people’s reactions was important not only because reactions affected whether survivors felt stigmatized or tainted by association but also because other people’s reactions affected how the bereaved felt that they could grieve (Chapple et al., 2015).
The study by Chapple et al. (2015) showed that those bereaved by traumatic death were distressed, because they felt that their grief was only socially acceptable for a short time and then had to be suppressed. Their grief was soon disenfranchised; that is, they were not accorded the right to grieve. Their grief seemed to be prohibited, restrained, unsanctioned, and unsupported by society (Doka, 2002). Grief may be socially approved when many people recognize the event as a calamity. Such appraisal of an event will be determined by factors such as the perceived social value of the victim or victims, the scale of the disaster, whether the event could have been prevented or not, the degree of intentionality, and the predictability of the event (Chapple et al., 2015; Doka, 2003). Although the Sewol ferry disaster created great sympathy from the public, it was not to the extent that parents desired, as public interest died down after a period of time. Parents’ greatest fear was that their children or the disaster would be forgotten by the public. And the conflict of political interests further weakened public interest to the extent of the isolation and ostracism perceived by the parents in this study. It is also necessary to consider that trauma intervention is recently being conducted on a community level as well as on an individual level. In community-based interventions, it is important to understand the characteristics of the community involved. Ansan’s characteristic of being a relatively newly populated industrial city consisting of laborers moving in from other districts may contribute to the lack of empathy shown by the members of the community toward the Sewol bereaved.
Limitations and Suggestions for Further Research
In conclusion, this study describes a unique loss that caused changes in the private and public lives of the bereaved parents. The use of qualitative methodology was a source of strength for this study, as qualitative interviews provided a rich understanding of the experiences of bereaved parents. A major contribution of this study is that data were obtained from the bereaved mothers and fathers themselves. Limited research has examined the frequency and nature of changes experienced by bereaved parents after the death of a child. However, our findings should be considered in the light of the following methodological limitations. First, there are inherent limitations in cross-language research, due to the translation process. Recently, cross-language research has expanded its meaning to include not just research where there is a language barrier between the researchers and participant, but all research that involves translation at any stage of the research process (Sutrisno, Nguyen, & Tangen, 2013). Because the perfect translation of a text does not exist, some meanings may have been altered from their original meaning, although maximum precautions were taken as described earlier. Also, the sample consisted of volunteers who wanted to tell their story. This is unlikely to be representative of the population of bereaved mothers and fathers as a whole. Those who chose not to volunteer may have more negative outcomes or alternatively may have more positive outcomes and feel that they want to leave their experience in the past. Also, greater participation from the fathers would have strengthened the credibility of the findings. Finally, we interviewed parents of students from Dan-won High School. There were many other causalities during the Sewol ferry disaster, including teachers of Dan-won high school, other travelers, and divers who passed away during rescue operations. Therefore, the experiences of these parents cannot be generalized to all victims of the disaster.
These findings provide directions for future research with regard to parental bereavement. Understanding and predicting long-term outcomes of these different parental bereavement outcomes is crucial and will require further longitudinal investigation. Further research is needed to establish whether additional social support is needed in families who experience traumatic parental bereavement to ensure surviving siblings are not at risk of neglect.
Conclusion and Implication for Practice
In addition to the findings highlighted earlier, the results of this study provide unique insights, along with important implications for grief counseling following a public disaster. With respect to the unique findings, this study conducted an in-depth interview and examined specific experiences of parents following a public disaster and the long-term impact of their social and family functioning. The qualitative data derived from these interviews provide critical information on the long-term impact, whether positive or negative, the death of a child can have on a family’s functioning. This information is particularly unique considering the cultural context, where social stigma and isolation is common following the death of a significant person. Parents in this study were vulnerable and shared personal experiences, which have important implications when supporting grieving parents. Another unique aspect of the findings of this study is the in-depth focus on the complexity of emotions involved in a community disaster affecting multiple people. Grieving parents in this study had to deal not only with their grief but also with the reactions and comments of other community members who were affected by the Sewol ferry disaster. These findings have important implications for supporting communities as a whole and highlight the different levels of support that may be warranted following a disaster.
Along these same lines, the unique findings of this research also have important implications with respect to practice and grief counseling. There is a greater need than ever for professional interventions for grief counseling, as grief counseling is to a large extent taking the place of social and relational condolences. As the results of this study show, extreme death, such as the death of a child, carries with it societal stigma and social isolation. In these cases, the community is no longer able to mourn together with the bereaved. Grief is dealt with on a private level, as close relationships, such as marital relationships, cannot be counted on as a source of genuine comfort. Spouses are not able to fully understand each other’s grief. Even parents of the bereaved have trouble comforting their children, even those with the best of intentions. This finding shows us that the death of a child is unique and complex and cannot be treated like other forms of bereavement. Counselors and other mental health professionals need to be specially educated regarding this loss, the long-term effects it has on parents, and its physical and psychological implications. Professionals must have solid knowledge of loss and trauma and need to understand the mind-sets of the bereaved. As our bereaved parents have clearly demonstrated, knowledge of the cause of death and social support are necessary in order for parents to fully mourn and move forward from the death of a loved one. The results also imply a need for parenting education after the death of a child. Parenting after the death of a child can be difficult. The results of this study show that parents go through difficult psychological factors that affect how they parent, or do not parent, their remaining children. Therefore, parenting after the death of a child should not be taken for granted.
Footnotes
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Funding
The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Author Biographies
References
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