Competing Developmental Demands Among Suicide-Bereaved Emerging Adults

Abstract

This qualitative group case study was ascertained to conceptualize theory on the topic of grief and emerging adulthood. A literature review proved no research to this specific experience. The aim of this study was to understand the suicide grief experience in this developmental stage. Based on the exploration of 150 suicide-bereaved emerging adults, participants in the Catholic Charities Young Adult Support Group expressed common themes related to the their unique grief experiences. Criterion sampling was used, as all these individuals voluntarily attended this group after losing a loved one to suicide. The methodology was observation and recording of oral data, and participants were asked to provide quarterly program evaluations. The analysis of data was recorded based on observed themes of statements made by participants. The conceptualized grief experiences that underpin this stage of development appear to work in opposition with grief tasks. This population would benefit from further research.

Keywords

bereavement counseling grief loss suicide support groups emerging adults

Introduction

Suicide grief presents survivors with a unique set of challenges that drastically impacts one’s life and developmental process. A loss by suicide is not only devastating and painful, but survivors are left questioning the world as they once knew it. The suicide loss is almost always traumatic, and survivors may struggle with a sense of shame or embarrassment about how the person died. As a result, the survivor may experience social isolation and struggle with questions of why and self-blame. Survivors question what they believed they knew about the deceased, their identity, and oftentimes their worldview. A loss at any stage of development is extremely stressful, but this article hopes to shed light on the unique grief of emerging adulthood, a time of identity formation. The author’s clinical theory and intervention approaches with emerging adults affected by suicide loss are informed by literature, clinical experience, and her own personal experience of losing her father to suicide at the age of 20. After years of clinical experience with survivors and after processing her own loss, the author began to wonder if emerging adults do grief differently.

In industrialized nations, the conceptualization of adulthood has significantly changed in the past 50 years. More young people are seeking higher education while postponing marriage and beginning families at a later age. In 1970, the median age to marry was 23 for men and 21 for women; in 2015, the median age was 29 for men and 27 for women (U.S. Bureau of Census, 2015). This shift in demographics has impacted our expectations of development for individuals aged 18 to 25. Current brain research has also validated this shift. The social brain continues to develop structurally through the early 20s (Mills, Lalonde, Clasen, Giedd, & Blakemore, 2014) and is not fully developed until closer to the age of 25 (Giedd, 2004). As many have put it, “the rental car companies have it right,” alluding to psychological maturation at the age of 25 required to rent a car. As the demographic shifts and physiological differences were noticed, an updated theory of development for this distinct age-group was proposed by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett.

In 2000, Jeffrey Jensen Arnett conceptualized Emerging Adulthood (ages 18–25) as future oriented with an importance on building social relationships.

The years from 18 to 25 are a time of stunning accomplishments and chilling risks, as a roller coaster of internal and external changes, including brain changes, propels young adults from adolescence toward full maturity. Yet we are only beginning to understand how and why this all happens—and sometimes doesn’t. (Simpson, 2008)

Arnett developed a more detailed theory that built on Erik Erikson’s stage of identity versus role confusion (Erikson, 1950). Identity development is especially significant, and by the end of one’s 20s, most people’s life choices are setting a foundation for the rest of their lives (Arnett, 2000). Erikson believed that a consolidated ego identity included an understanding of one’s past, meaning in the present, and a sense of direction toward the future (Erikson, 1968). Because individuals experience milestones at a later age, the consolidated ego identity work thought to be done in adolescence is now completed in Emerging Adulthood. Arnett’s ideas about emerging adulthood have been widely accepted and adopted in the literature, despite critiques that its applications to middle and upper class adults do not fit for poorer communities (Cote, 2014).

Emerging adults face developmental tasks that are essential to developing a sense of self and healthy emotional regulation (Arnett, 2006). Commonly, such tasks include graduating college, completing graduate school, being part of a social group, developing spiritual identity, engaging in career development, finding a mate, and eventually reproducing. Arnett (2006) defined five characteristics of emerging adulthood that include (a) identity exploration in areas of work, love, and worldview, (b) instability, (c) focus on the self, (d) feeling in between, and (e) possibilities. Individuals work through these tasks to develop the skills needed for a successful transition to adulthood.

The tasks in emerging adulthood move one forward while grief requires a focus on the past. The concepts that underpin this stage of development appear to work in competition with grief tasks such as recollecting the past and allowing oneself to sit in the sadness to fully integrate the loss. Emerging adults express not only sadness but frustration and resentment when a loved one dies by suicide. This leaves some unable to navigate their grief experience within the context of normal development. There are events that occur during emerging adulthood that promote positive identity growth, and many expect their life to be a certain way. “In the course of emerging adulthood individuals are more likely to report positive well-being and a greater life satisfaction” (Schulenbery, O’Malley, Bachman, & Johnson, 2005). The emerging adult’s energized vision for the future can be impacted by the legacy of despair transmitted by the suicide. Some attendees conveyed feelings of disillusionment. As a therapist with the Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide (LOSS) program at Catholic Charities, the author has noted a unique set of clinical observations that are further explored.

Survivors of suicide often face alienation related to stigma of suicide, the trauma of the loss, and the sense of responsibility to their loved one. Because of these specific challenges that suicide grief presents, the LOSS program at the Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Chicago has been offering grief support to individuals and families that have lost loved ones to suicide since 1979.

The program started with three couples who lost a child to suicide. They formed a group and sought comfort and support from one another. These six individuals developed a bond due to the challenges related to losing a child by suicide. The LOSS program quickly grew as more survivors across the region requested supportive services. Today, LOSS provides monthly support groups, individual counseling, and weekly support groups to survivors. In 2012, the author began to notice that the demographic of the program tended to be middle-aged and older adults and questioned if younger people could be engaged in services. After working individually with a number of emerging adults, therapists noticed that this group of grievers posed a distinct set of clinical symptoms, and a group was initiated specifically for these individuals. From the outset, they expressed an interest in meeting with similar-age peers, stating that it was difficult to relate to older individuals when it came to issues of grief and loss. Since 2012, this Young Adult grief group has been well attended, and group leaders have noticed significant clinical issues that may be better addressed through a developmental framework on emerging adults.

Methodology

One hundred fifty suicide-bereaved young adults attended LOSS Young Adult group. The group was offered 59 times from 2012 to 2017, and 114 attendees were female and 36 were males. Group members were Caucasian (140), Latino (4), Middle Eastern (3), Asian (2), and African American (1). Individuals were grieving the loss of various relationships: 43 individuals lost a father, 14 a mother, 33 a brother, 11 a sister, 17 a partner, 10 a friend, 13 lost other relatives such as cousins and in laws, and 11 did not report the type of loss (two individuals experienced multiple losses). Most individuals attended only one session (76 individuals), and the median stay in the group was about six sessions.

The clinician of the young adult group began to observe common themes elicited from members of the grief support group and noticed different group content compared with general suicide-bereaved support groups. After a literature review where no other research about suicide grief in emerging adulthood was found, the author worked to theorize these unique characteristics of grief during this age range through a developmental lens. Jeffrey Arnett has conceptualized this stage of development as unique, and it narratively appeared to fit with the themes expressed in this grief support group.

Results

Many common themes arose throughout the 59 peer/professionally led support groups. This case study demonstrates that emerging adults experience suicide grief differently due to Western culture’s developmental demands. (a) The most dominant theme was that individuals expressed either needing to put their grief on hold to meet future milestones toward identity development or an inability to meet milestones due to the intense grieving. Grievers who were actively working toward developmental milestones also commonly expressed guilt due to moving forward. (b) Another core element observed in the grief in emerging adulthood was relationship issues. Most of the group reported a negative impact on multiple existing relationships. Individuals appeared to struggle in romantic partnerships, parental relationship, and with peers. (c) Emerging adults tend to experience more emotional instability and unhealthy coping that impacts the suicide grief experience. Many express volatile interactions and other drug and alcohol use. Based on these results, specific interventions are recommended when working with this specific population.

Discussion

Competing Demands in Identity Exploration and Grief Work

The main developmental task in emerging adulthood is individuation, figuring out one’s purpose and place in the world (Schwartz, Cote, & Arnett, 2005). Most of our identity exploration and formation happens between ages 18 to 25 (Arnett, 2000), and a traumatic suicide loss at this age can especially affect the ability to understand who one is in the world. After a suicide loss, survivors may experience an existential crisis where their worldview no longer makes sense (Jordan, 2011), and a suicide death during this life stage can muddle the multifaceted identity exploration process. As most emerging adults are entering a world of hope and possibilities, young grievers are often faced with the conscious decision to either continue on this path of hope and possibilities or put milestones on hold as they mourn the loss of a close loved one.

Sam was distraught in the initial weeks after her boyfriend’s death. She felt disabled and tasks such as eating and commuting to work took extreme effort. She came to counseling weekly and after 8 to 9 months got a new professional job and moved to the city, where she started to feel better and less in need of counseling. The excitement of a new career and new apartment allowed her to engage more with friends and new coworkers, and she spoke about not wanting her boyfriend’s death to be part of her main identity.

Many young grievers report similar experiences of leaving behind their intense grief as they make room for new and exciting transitions. Sam made a conscious decision not to talk about her loss to new coworkers because she did not want to compromise her new identity with the emotional baggage that she associated with her loss. This professional change marked a distinct shift in how much of her identity was to be consumed with grief. The decision to prioritize her work identity required a conscious sacrifice of energy that had previously gone into her grief process. She also expressed concern about having the emotional and physical space to express feelings related to her loss at work. In Sam’s previous job, it was acceptable to express emotion and cry in the bathroom at work, but in her new professional role, she no longer found this appropriate. This transition appeared to accelerate Sam’s grief process as she moved forward into her life.

Other clients speak about their grief experience temporarily holding them back from accomplishing desired tasks.

Amy was unable to complete her college coursework after her brother passed away. Her sadness and grief consumed her and left her with little energy for other things. Eventually she graduated, but the length of time it took was a source of embarrassment, and it affected her confidence in securing post graduate employment. This also fueled preexisting depression and anxiety. She expressed feelings of being stuck for several months with no energy to make plans for herself. Being able to remember her brother became an important piece of her identity and an important piece of her career development. After much processing, she enrolled in mortuary school, where she could use her skills and talents to help other grieving individuals. She identified this as a “calling” for her and felt like she was making meaning of her brother’s suicide.

The excitement of Amy’s career decision appeared to move her through her feelings of being stuck and may have actually pushed her grief process forward. We know that people do not just move on after loss, but observations suggest that people in this age range move into different areas of life that allow them to focus less on the grief issues. The pain seems no less intense, just briefer. This does not necessarily mean that they have successfully addressed or adapted to the loss, but for the moment grief work appears resolved as emerging adults continue to invest in school or work.

Many emerging adults speak about regrieving their loss at important future milestones. They speak of being confronted again with the grief by a triggering life event, such as beginning a new romantic relationship.

Mark commented that his fiancé encouraged him to come back to LOSS because as they prepared for their marriage he was frequently angered. Mark felt it must have been related to the loss of his father by suicide. He spoke about being sad that his father was going to miss his big event. He was frustrated with himself for having these intense feelings three years after he thought that he had successfully resolved his grief.

While his prior grief work did appear to be completed at the time, this new life event opened up deeper and more intense issues related to his father’s death.

As clients are attempting to explore identity through the areas of work, love, and worldview, many express feelings of resentment because the person’s suicide death has prevented them from completing these developmental tasks in their assumed time frame. Many talk about yelling and arguing with significant others at significant others, drinking too much with friends and losing control, and being stuck in a job that they hate. Some clients feel that the emotions related to grief are so intense that they have prevented them from attaining the next developmental goal. Holly describes her brother as being unable to maintain a relationship because he is so angry about the suicide loss of their father. Emerging adults tend to present for counseling when a problem related to relationship satisfaction or career development occurs.

It seems that the tension created by grief and identity expectations for emerging adulthood development pose a kind of developmental conundrum. With the grief and completion of developmental tasks working in competition, issues related to identity formation seem to either accelerate the grieving process, or the grief leaves people struggling to complete tasks of identity formation. Healthy emerging adult development is about moving forward, while grief often involves a life review, looking back and creating a narrative about what has happened. Emerging adult grievers can struggle with these two tasks: navigating issues of grief and exploring issues related to developing identity.

A common component of suicide loss is feelings of guilt. Usually, guilt is related to not doing something to prevent the person’s death or having failed or disappointed the deceased. Emerging adult grievers also speak about feelings of guilt related to continuing on a certain path of identity development. Many are concerned about what others will think of them and what it means to their loved one if they continue on. Emerging adulthood is seen as an exciting time with new possibilities and plans, and many grievers somehow get the message that if they continue to go back to school or continue with travel plans, they are not honoring their loved one or grieving appropriately. One client stated, “I was supposed to go to Oxford before my sister killed herself, and many people spoke to me as if I had to cancel this trip to take care of my parents.” Generally speaking, for middle- to upper-class emerging adults, many experiences are possible, with few commitments acting as barriers. For example, emerging adults do not have a family and young children preventing them from going to Europe or the Peace Corps. In this world of possibilities, many people have a hard time managing options while also grieving. Survivors wonder if others may question their attachment to the deceased if they are doing such fun things with life as opposed to being consumed by sadness. The possibilities can present a dilemma for grieving individuals. One example of this thinking could be the following:

I must stop what I am doing to be sad because that it what you are supposed to do, and if I chose to move on with my plans then I am not grieving and honoring my love to the person who died.

This idea of exploring possibilities appears contrary to the cultural expectation around grief and mourning. One client spoke about her boyfriend dying the day before graduation. She chose to walk in her graduation ceremony but immediately felt a sense of shame for doing this and worried about what others thought about her choice after her boyfriend’s death.

A component of Arnett’s (2006) theory on emerging adulthood is instability. A lack of demographic stability or a stable home base to go back to when feeling bad appears to affect the grieving process. Many emerging adults are in the process of seeking employment or may be moving from school and back home. Many are not in one place long enough to establish a relationship with a therapist or support group. The lack of time spent in one place to build a foundation may also affect their friendships, and the support and stability of their relationships. In the Young Adult LOSS group, clients are observed moving in and out of the group or changing therapists as they relocate. Clients would attend the group and announce that this would be their last month because they were moving or traveling Europe. One client moved to California and then came back to engaga in the process of grieving. It appears that clients start and stop their process of grief as they move back to school or other places.

In the Western world, our culture suggests that individuals meet certain milestones in an expected time frame. In emerging adulthood, milestones appear to happen at a swift pace, when compared with adulthood. Due to this swift pace, grievers appear to accelerate their grieving process for the moment and get caught up in onward track or feel like they fall behind when compared with their peers. This developmental grief conundrum appears to affect the loss experience, making grief at this age clinically unique.

Relationship Difficulties

Many survivors experience difficulty in relationships, and tension in romantic relationships is especially apparent. Dating and maintaining a committed relationship are difficult tasks for most individuals, but attempting to understand a suicide loss, developing a solid identity, and understanding who you are in the context of the loss can present complications for intimate sharing.

Grievers often find themselves feeling disconnected from the world, but especially in their relationships. Grievers involved in romantic relationships speak about feeling resentment because the death has highlighted dysfunction in their relationship. Some discuss how their present partners do not understand their grief process, like “he thinks that I should be over this by now.” Many find it difficult to communicate their grief-related needs to their partner and express disconnection, “they just don’t understand.” Some emerging adults report dissatisfaction but a need for the comfort that the relationships provide them. Heather learned of her partner cheating on her but stated that she needed to look past this because she couldn’t be without a partner at this time. The issues related to grief can create tension in existing relationships. As emerging adults are exploring new relationships and navigating new ways of communicating and collaborating with a life partner, grief can make the process of building a life with someone more difficult.

Other young people talk about not knowing how to date and find relationships. Logistical questions like “at what point do I bring up the dreaded conversation that my brother killed himself?” can be anxiety provoking for individuals. Not being sure when to share and how much to share is an issue that comes up in the group. Survivors, in general, feel the need to defend the person who died because of the stigma related to suicide, and many talk about not wanting to meet new people who did not know and love the person who died. These additional concerns can make dating an unpleasant experience for many.

Parental relationships

Emerging adults are not adolescents; they expect more freedom, but they also do not see themselves as adults (Arnett, 2000). Parents may expect their children to be more adultlike, but emerging adults are still very dependent on their parents for support and decision-making to help navigate their world (Schoeni & Ross, 2005). There may be a discord between the amount of emotional support young people receive versus expect from their parents, especially in cases where the parent is also grieving. Young grievers speak of anger toward their parent(s) (most often in cases of parent or sibling loss) because they are no longer able to continue as the parents that they knew before. In the case of sibling loss, the young griever can become the forgotten griever. Many are sent the message that they should be strong for their parents; one client stated, “many people came up to me at the funeral and told me that I needed to be strong for my parents; what about me?” Emerging adults are forced to maneuver new roles within the parent/child relationship, relying less on their parents for support than they would have ordinarily received.

Impact on peer relationships

A theme in emerging adult grief is disconnection from peers and their social life. Many grievers feel disappointed in their friends for not responding to them in what they believe to be a sincere and caring way. As opposed to adolescence, friendships in emerging adulthood tend to consist of more complexity and emotional depth (Arnett, 2007). This causes suicide grievers distress in that they don’t have friends who can understand them on the emotional level that they desire. Survivors may have difficulty maneuvering social interactions because they feel like their existing friends don’t understand and are not supportive, but they still rely heavily on these systems for support (Bartik, Maple, Edwards, & Kiernan, 2013; Begley & Qualey, 2007). “My friends just want to have fun; they don’t want to hear it anymore.” Some report having unsupportive friends but feel stuck in these relationships because otherwise they would have no one. Jen reported constant disappointment in her friend circle, with no one acknowledging the death of her father, but stated that if she expressed frustration with them she would have no one. Emerging adults, like adolescents, appear to relate better to a group of peers and report higher levels of support in a support group of peers. LOSS program evaluations state, “the group is a place where I can come and be around my peers who also feel the pressures of what it’s like being a young adult in 2017,” “I don’t have to explain myself in this group.” Meeting with peers who are also grieving can allow these individuals to feel connected and supported.

Emerging adult grievers reported isolation because they could not connect with any previous relationship. This concept makes the content of the group heavily focused on relationship issues, and emerging adults often report not feeling connected to other. The heavy reliance on peers and the felt need to maintain social normalcy is also a tenant that makes this grief unique.

Emotional Instability and Unhealthy Coping

Emerging adulthood, as well as grief, is likely to present emotional instability. Research has shown that emotional regulation and stability improve as we age (Cartensen, Mayr, Pasupathi, & Nesselroade, 2000; Kunzmann & Gruhn, 2005) and that personality stability and maturation are more complete as emerging adults reach later 20s (Hopwood et al., 2011). Individuals in the grief support group tend to struggle with emotional regulation and often relate specifically to issues of anger. Magai, Consedine, Krivoshekova, Kudadjie-Gyamfi, and McPherson (2006) found that young adults expressed more contempt than middle-aged or older adults, suggesting that anger and contempt seem to be accessible. Emerging adult survivors come to the group expressing anger at their loved one for choosing to die. Some will say, “I’m pissed that he left and put me in this position.” Jackie was so upset that she had to deal with the estate of her father after he died that she did not express feelings of sadness for quite a while. Her most accessible emotion was anger, and it impacted all of her relationships. Emerging adults also tend to use more vulgar language and talk about irritability related to ignorance of other people. “Can you believe that this person asked me about my dad when I was at school!” The topic of anger is brought up in most groups and seems to be an emotion that most survivors are able to relate to in the room.

A contributing factor to emotional instability is the use of alcohol and other substances to cope. Bartik et al. (2013) found risky coping behaviors, such as alcohol and other drug use to be one of four themes that came up for emerging adults suffering the loss of a friend to suicide. The topic of getting excessively drinking and losing the ability to regulate emotion is a common expressed experience. Kristen said, “I realized that I needed to come to counseling because I would drink too much and then become hysterical. It was embarrassing.” Because social normalcy is still very important at this age, alcohol use allows emerging adults to appear normal and also distracts from the pain. The alcohol use tends to be consumed in a peer setting and may serve as a distraction for the short term until the effects of alcohol trigger an intense buried grief reaction. According to Bachman, Johnson, O’Malley, and Schulenberg (1996), binge drinking peaks at the age of 21 to 22 and then sharply declines. LOSS members speak about drinking alcohol with friends and being embarrassed because they started a fight with a friend or started crying at the bar about their loss. This can be an issue of shame for many and also can be what brings people in the door for counseling services.

In an age of social media and ever prevalent internet distractions, it appears that emerging adults use more distraction and compartmentalization in their grief reactions. In their work with emerging adults who experienced the divorce of parents, authors noted coping isolation and tangible distractions as an effective short-term solution because it allowed them to avoid the pain and still manage their lives (Reed, Lucuer-Greer, & Parker, 2016). For millennials, this avoidance seems readily accessible. Britain’s Prince Harry recently spoke about how distraction and binge drinking were common ways that he regulated the highly painful emotional experience of losing his mother. One client stated that she would schedule time with herself to grieve; otherwise, she would distract and not cope. She made a date with herself on Friday nights to look at pictures of her father and cry.

Emerging adults stop attending the group for various reasons, but one that appears consistent and clear involves the birth of a baby. Arnett (2000) states, “those who have had a child tend to view becoming a parent as the most important marker of the transition to adulthood ….The explorations that occur in emerging adulthood become sharply restricted with parenthood, the focus of concern shifts …” They may no longer have the time to devote to the grief process or less of the client’s identity is taken up by the bereavement piece. Egocentricity tends to diminish as people reach the end of emerging adulthood, making room for another individual in a romantic relationship, working with a team in a career setting, creating life, and learning to give one’s entire self to another human being.

This increased tendency toward emotional instability and unhealthy coping oftentimes dominates discussion in this group. Grief support groups for younger individuals appear to be more directive than adult groups to address the specific unhealthy coping being used. Emerging adults appear to need psychoeducation about healthy coping.

Recommended Interventions

Working therapeutically with grieving emerging adults can be especially challenging but also rewarding. The therapist works to explore and guide the client through the process of identity formation. Grief forces individuals to rework their identity, and this coincides with what is expected of normal emerging adulthood development as well. The Young Adult LOSS group has served a vital need for young survivors because it connects individuals alienated by suicide loss. The LOSS model uses trained survivor facilitators coupled with a mental health professional and uses a support group format. Survivors can have their process normalized and hear specific ways that other individuals have coped with their loss. As mentioned earlier, grievers often feel disconnected, and the group is a place where they can feel heard, as well as develop social connections. Members commonly request each other’s contact information and get together outside of the group, as it can be refreshing to have a social interaction with someone who is going through a similar situation. For clients who appear to be working through issues of grief in a healthy way the group may be the only needed intervention.

The most valuable intervention seems to be the group coupled with individual counseling. As clients seek to explore identity and grief, topics such as relationships, guilt, and unhealthy coping are often addressed in more depth. Steinberg, Cauffman, Woolard, Graham, and Banich (2009) found that young people may have the same cognitive ability as adults, but psychosocial maturity continues to develop into emerging adulthood. Young grievers may lack psychosocial maturity that can limit empathy and insight, therefore negatively effecting relationships. Clinical interventions related to healthy relationships and assertive communication are often necessary. The therapist may start with psychoeducation about healthy relationships, boundary setting, and communication and brainstorm ways that the client can seek new supports, if the ones currently used are not working. Validating and normalizing aspects of the grief experience are also beneficial. For example, Mike spoke about the limitations to his lifestyle as a result of his sister’s chronic mental illness. His family did not travel and rarely left their home because they needed to care for her. After her death, the family planned a trip that exposed feelings of extreme guilt for Mike. He stated that it felt “sick” to be exploring new cities at the expense of his sister’s life. Normalizing the feelings of relief, due to no longer having to care for his sister, seemed to help ease feelings of shame.

It is also important that the therapist address risky behaviors. When emerging adults feel dissatisfied with life, they are more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as illicit drug use and sexual risk-taking (Schwartz et al., 2011). Grief can be a stressful time for emerging adults and can be coupled with the societal pressures to misuse alcohol. Many emerging adults minimize issues of alcohol and substance abuse due to cultural norms. Some report its negative impact on their functioning, but because drinking and peer socialization seem to go hand in hand in American culture, it is hard for people to think about simply not drinking. Discussing the negative impact of the substance and taking a harm reduction approach has been clinically effective. In cases of substance abuse, one specific intervention that has appeared helpful has been to develop a plan with the client, such as only having two drinks while out or going home after dinner. Many emerging adults tend to use avoiding and distraction as coping. The alcohol appears to lower inhibitions and clients report crying uncontrollably or arguing.

Amanda and her therapist came up with a plan before a wedding where she was worried she would drink too much and cry about the loss of her father. Her therapist suggested spending some time writing a letter to her father to process and express feelings of loss. Amanda stated that she felt connected to her dad as she cried and thought about how she would be dancing on his feet at her own wedding, as she did when she was a child. Amanda came up with a location she could retreat to and avoid the couple’s first dance and she said that this was helpful as it gave a minute to check in with herself. She also decided that she would not drink any alcoholic beverages until after this first dance (a grief trigger for her).

Because avoidance is also common among emerging adult grievers, one client shared that her weekly therapy was the hour that she dedicated to her grief process, and it kept her proactive in dealing with her emotions. Emerging adults seem to need guidance to understand their individual emotional expression and are often comforted when given the space to explore these feelings.

Conclusion

Suicide is a tragic and traumatic loss that requires emotional processing at all stages of development. The author explored this topic attempting to understand the clinical issues of her clients and the dilemma she herself experienced grieving the loss of her father at the age of 20. As emerging adults explore issues of identity formation, they may be faced with putting these tasks on hold while allowing the grief to unfold or putting their grief on hold and continuing forth with these developmental tasks. The LOSS program has identified grief in emerging adulthood as different due to the competing tasks of development and has found value in developing this specific grief group. The observations made make sense in the course of Arnett’s theory of Emerging Adult development. Understanding suicide grief through this developmental lens enlightens the clinical work and can create more positive meaning-making for the client.

Footnotes

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding

The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Author Biography

Jessica Mead is a clinical social worker at the Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Chicago. She graduated with her BS from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and graduated with her MSW degree from the University of Illinois at Chicago. She is a therapist and facilitates grief support groups for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one from suicide. Her clinical interests include children, adolescent and emerging adult issues.

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