Doka,K. J.,& Tucci,A. S. (Eds.). (2018). Living With Grief: Transforming Loss: Finding Potential for Growth

Reviewed by: Katherine M. Piderman, Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN, USA

Transforming Loss: Finding Potential for Growth, edited by Kenneth J. Doka and Amy S. Tucci, was published as the companion book for the Hospice of Foundation of America’s 25th annual Living With Grief Continuing Education Program. Over the years, I have found these education programs and the related books extremely helpful in my ministry as a chaplain, as an educator, and a researcher. I was delighted to be asked to review this volume.

Like the others in the series, this book provides thorough and targeted information in a clear and straightforward style. It is prepared by experts in the field and its core message is one of hope. It does not diminish the challenges and suffering inherent in the experience of grief but emphasizes that grief can also serve as a catalyst for growth and new meaning.

Transforming Loss unfolds logically, reviewing historical, theoretical, and experiential perspectives on grief and growth. It provides in-depth insight into the potential for positive transformation in the midst of grief and practical guidance related to facilitating growth. It is comprised of three sections—Part I: Understanding Growth and Grief, Part II: Context for Growth, and Part III: Enabling the Potential for Growth in Grief.

Part I begins with two chapters written by Kenneth Doka and Richard Tedeschi, foremost experts in the areas of grief and posttraumatic growth, respectively. Each masterfully describes his primary area of study and experience and its interface with the other. Their perspectives unite to say that ultimately grief need not have the last word and that vitality and generativity are possible for those who grieve. Part I continues with a chapter about bereaved children and adolescents written by psychologists, Mayersohn and Triplett. They wisely caution that not all young people will experience growth in the midst of grief, but they encourage continued research in this population and the development of clinical application. Part I concludes with “the voice” of a young man, Evan Brohan who describes his experience of his father’s death when he was 10 years old and his subsequent grief and growth. His words put flesh onto the academic insights of the previous chapters. In summary, he states, “For me, it was important not only to focus on my loss, but to find ways to enjoy life despite my loss” (p. 50).

Spirituality is the theme of the first two chapters of Part II. Kestenbaum emphasizes that spiritual resources and communities can be a rich source of wisdom, healing, and hope for those who grieve. She and colleagues have crafted a spiritual assessment model called Spiritual AIM which highlights three basic spiritual needs and concerns: “reconciliation/to love and be loved, meaning and direction, self-worth/community belonging” (p. 56). Using a case study approach, Kestenbaum illustrates the value of this model in clarifying the spiritual needs and concerns of the dying and their loved ones and responding to them. In the next chapter, Doka emphasizes that the suffering inherent in grief can disrupt “the assumptive world” and “create an existential crisis” (p. 75). He describes ways in which spirituality can contribute to key meaning-making tasks such as “assigning blame,” “reconstruction of identity,” “benefit finding,” and “the reconstruction of the assumptive world and transcendental reconstruction” (pp. 76, 77). He states that spirituality can also be effective in affirming a continuing and dynamic relationship between the deceased and the bereaved. Doka also raises the sensitive issue of forgiveness in caring for the dying and the bereaved. He advises counselors not to view forgiveness as a goal for their clients and emphasizes that “forgiveness remains an option, never a dictum” (p. 80). Doka’s respect for the uniqueness of each person’s experience of grief is also apparent in his commentary about the use of spiritual resources, reminding clinicians to avoid “a one size fits all” approach. In a personal narrative, titled Focus or Fold, Michon Lartigue describes the painful loss of his father and his insight into the choice before him to “thrive” or just “exist” (p. 93). His inspiring choice was to thrive. Part II concludes with a chapter by Neimeyer, Bottomley, and Bellet on growing through complicated grief. The authors make specific reference to dealing with a loved one’s death by suicide. Through poignant quotations, they illustrate three aspects of growth, that is, knowledge of self, life view, and relations with others (pp. 100–104). They offer practical advice to clinicians, that is, respecting the unique journey of each person, allowing “the client to take the lead,” reverencing the client’s pain, and believing that healing and growth are possible (pp. 104, 105).

Part III begins with Moore’s chapter on “expert companionship” which is essential in facilitating the unpredictable journey to posttraumatic growth. Qualities of this role include listening, helping clients manage their distress, and encouraging self-disclosure in a way that can lead to a transformed self-narrative and a mission. As other contributors to this book have done, Moore emphasizes the importance of remaining respectful of and attuned to each person’s course. He states, “The post-trauma human psyche is much too complex for a manual” (p. 121). Part III includes a personal statement by Brandon Brewer, a hospice chaplain, encouraging those who care for others at the end of life as well as the bereaved to engage in personal reflection. He says, “How do we adequately minister … if we do not reflect on the meaning of life itself and its meaning for ourselves?” (p. 125). He indicates that the fodder of such reflection fuels insightful, compassionate, hopeful support, and guidance. Doka’s Practical Tips in this section boldly proclaim that clinicians can do more than facilitate coping in the bereaved; they can also facilitate growth. Specifics include reminding clients of their strengths and progress, encouraging the use of support systems, affirming the continuing bond with the deceased, and always keeping hope for growth alive. Finally, Anewalt describes the role of grief support groups in healing and growth. She provides critical insight into the complexity of such groups and the skill and structure needed to promote and assess effectiveness.

I expect that Transforming Loss will soon become a foundational and beloved resource for those who work with the dying and the bereaved. Its expertly honed content, based on research and professional and personal experience, gives it marked credibility. It provides invaluable inspiration and hope to those walking with others through the dark valley of grief, for even in the most devastating losses, grief can be transformed and growth can occur.