Abstract
Dorothy P. Holinger, PhD, spent over 23 years as an academic psychologist at Harvard Medical School and maintained a private psychotherapy practice for over 15 years. As noted in the preface of her book “not many books focus on the changes that happen to the human self of the bereaved…rather than offering strategies and ways to overcome grief, this book is informative and descriptive”(pg ix–xi).
Throughout the book, Holinger weaves and integrates clinical cases, academic and scientific research, psychoanalytic theory, and the arts to take the reader on a journey of depth and pain and of resilience and growth. As thanatologists, death educators, researchers, and clinicians we know all too well that there is no quick fix to grief; no one manual or ‘how-to’ book of grieving. However, Holinger provides one of the most robust, descriptive, and informative texts on the lived experience of grief.
Rooted firmly in contemporary research and theory, yet linking foundational psychoanalytic thought, Holinger scaffolds the reader's experience by describing and interpreting the works of Winnicott, Freud, and Bowlby. Holinger takes these foundational theories, which at times can be dense and challenging to read and understand, and writes in a way that allows for the true meaning of the work to shine through.
Holinger then touches upon foundational theories such as the neuroscience work of Mary Francis O’Connor (2008) and new understandings in trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. Though this book is written primarily for the bereaved, Holinger states, “In describing the totality of what grief does to the human self, my goal is to give the bereaved confidence not to fear grief, but to let sadness run its course without familiar or societal constructs. For it then that the nature of grief can change…”(p.xiii).
The book is comprised of three distinct sections, Part I, “Grief Described,” Part II, “Physiology of grief,” and Part III, “Lost Loved Ones.” Each chapter flows in a lyrical sense, fusing the lived experience of grief in Part I chapters: “Evolutionary Origins, Forms of Grief,” and “Language of the Bereaved.” Part II, “The Physiology of Grief” breaks down the somatic and felt human experience of grief in the “Grief-Stricken Brain, The Broken Heart of Grief,” and “The Grieving Body.” In Part III, Holinger takes the reader on an intricate journey describing the way in which grief touches upon the attachment relationships and fundamentally alters the way in which we may relate to others with chapters, “Mothers, Fathers, Children, Siblings,” and “Life Partners.” Holinger concludes the book with an epilogue titled “A Bittersweet Alchemy.”
Holinger writes with lyrical prose yet captivates readers with a well-described and easy-to-understand way of translating theory, research, and practice into tangible and very relatable content. Any reader, whether a bereaved person, a clinician, or a researcher, will benefit from reading this book.