Suicidal ambivalence, the co-occurring desire to live and die is widely discussed in clinical practice yet remains understudied in empirical research. This qualitative study explored how young adult suicide attempt survivors understand and experience suicidal ambivalence. Using a phenomenological approach, in-depth semi-structured interviews were conducted with 19 young adult suicide attempt survivors between the ages of 18 and 29. Data were analyzed using thematic analysis. Five themes emerged across two areas. First, participants described suicidal ambivalence as a (1) internal conflict (2) a dynamic process, and (3) a source of comfort. Second, their experiences were characterized by (4) conflicting desires between life and death and (5) feelings of numbness. Suicidal ambivalence was seen as a dynamic psychological process that holds the tension between life and death. Future research should investigate how suicidal ambivalence can serve as a protective factor to serve as a potential entry point for crisis intervention.
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