Abstract
In Career Confidential, Phyllis Fagell gives career advice to educators. In the September 2022 column, a principal wants to know how to respond when teachers get angry about unpopular decisions. And teacher who received an automated rejection letter when applying for a leadership position in her district wonders how she can help improve the process.
When I signed on to be a principal, 17 years ago, I knew I had to let go of the need to be liked, and I’ve managed to do so, by and large. But in its place is deep resentment and chronic frustration that I find myself in frequent stand-offs with teachers who are bent out of shape because of some decision I’ve made. This has been more of a problem during COVID, as I have had to make controversial decisions. I’ve also had to enforce my supervisors’ often-unpopular decisions. I know people are not OK, but I can’t get over how rude some staff members are to me when they’re displeased with my actions. These are formerly polite staff members who have lost their filter entirely in recent months, and it’s downright shocking at times. I’m not big on hierarchy, and I strive to be a servant leader, but I’m not OK being disrespected. I am still their supervisor.
How can I continue to make tough decisions without getting distracted by the prospect of specific teachers going off the rails? And how can I shut them down when they make me their punching bag? If I’m lucky, they lose their mind during a one-on-one meeting with me, but sometimes they’re belligerent during a staff meeting. It’s even worse to be publicly criticized and feel like your reputation is getting wrecked (not that I like getting yelled at in private either)!
You’re struggling with two different challenges. The first problem is internal and more personal: You want to tune out the “noise” so you can make difficult decisions without getting in your own way. The second problem is interpersonal: You want to extinguish others’ poor behavior. It’s a lot easier to work on yourself than it is to change anyone else. Start by recognizing and accepting that you’re going to make some bad decisions. Even experienced, excellent principals will make a mix of stellar, “meh,” and downright bad calls. The goal is to stack the deck in favor of making as many smart decisions as possible.
One way to tune out the noise — including the fear that you’ll take a hit to your reputation or get treated like a punching bag — is to use a decision-making framework. A principal I admire, Jessica Donovan, the head of Sheridan School in Washington, D.C., asks herself three questions before she makes a tough choice: “Is it aligned with the school’s mission?” “Is it right for kids?” and “Is it aligned with my sense of integrity?” If she can answer “yes” to all three questions, then she proceeds. Generally speaking, she told me, she makes the right call, but when she gets it wrong, she has fewer regrets because she understands why she made the decision.
Similarly, focus on making decisions that are consistent with your values, rather than trying to preserve your reputation. Character relates to your integrity, whereas reputation relates to others’ subjective interpretation of your character. And as I pointed out, you can’t control anyone else’s thoughts or behavior. Which leads me to your second question.
While you can’t “make” anyone treat you with respect, you can establish clear boundaries and expectations and outline any potential consequences. You can be a servant leader without becoming a punching bag. To that end, have a direct conversation with your staff about the appropriate time and place to contest a decision you’ve made. You can explain that you value staff members’ opinions, but there will be times when you need to make a call on your own. Talk about the respectful way to initiate a discussion, too. For instance, you might say that you’re happy to have a civil discussion, answer questions, and share your thinking, but you’re not willing to engage with anyone who acts belligerent, yells, or lobs ad hominem attacks.
To ensure you’re modeling the behavior you hope to elicit, don’t engage with someone who pushes your buttons when you’re feeling tired, short-tempered, or frustrated. Stay calm and treat the staff member with the same dignity and respect you want for yourself. I work with a 3rd-grade teacher who will tell an argumentative student, “It’s a direction, not a discussion.” She looks the child in the eye calmly and confidently. It’s an effective approach with 8- and 9-year-olds, and the same calm, assertive approach is likely to help a disrespectful staff member self-regulate, too.
Teacher received a robo-rejection letter from their own employer
I decided to look for a leadership position in my own school district. I spent a lot of time preparing for this interview and then spent days on pins and needles, replaying the interview in my mind while waiting to hear back. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the position, but that’s not why I’m writing. While I’m disappointed, I can accept the outcome. I’m struggling, however, with how I was rejected.
As background, I’m an experienced, effective, hard-working, tenured teacher who has worked in the same district for more than 20 years. Yet after a week of waiting, some stranger in human resources sent me a robo-rejection letter thanking me for applying to [insert fiscal year, position name and number, a jumble of numbers and acronyms, and the name of the school district] and wishing me luck in my job search. I know it was an automated form letter, and I’m sure it’s the same one the district sends to external candidates, but that’s my point. Instead of making me feel like a valued, respected, long standing employee, my district made me feel like a serial number. I got this letter in the middle of the school day, when I still had classes left to teach.
I don’t blame the person who signed the robo-rejection. I don’t even know the person, and I’m sure my district uses a software program that automatically generates these letters as soon as a position is formally filled. I also know there’s not much I can do now, but I’d like to prevent this from happening to anyone else in the future. It seems so unnecessary, and with a few small and simple tweaks, human resources could make the application process far more personal. Is there any point in sharing this with anyone in my district, and if so, what’s an effective way to get my point across without jeopardizing future job prospects? I still hope to obtain a leadership role in my own school district.
While you’re right that you can’t undo the experience, I think your desire to transform pain into something positive will give you a sense of agency and help you feel less powerless. It’s a protective instinct. At the same time, I think you’re smart to consider the most effective and diplomatic ways to offer feedback, particularly since you still hope to be promoted in this district.
I know you don’t know the person who signed the robo-rejection letter, but you could start by requesting a meeting with them. I’d reiterate what you told me in your letter — that you don’t blame them and suspect you got the same automatically generated letter as everyone else. Tell them you’d love to discuss ways to possibly improve the process. The individual whose name is on the letter may not even realize that the district sends the same form letter to current and prospective employees. Or even if they do, they might not have considered how that might offend current staff members. And at a time when educators’ morale is low, teachers are resigning in droves, and retention is a real issue, I can’t imagine any official in your district would want to offend a current staff member.
Plus, you’re right that a few small changes could greatly improve the process. I don’t know the limitations of the software program they use, but I wonder if they could generate a different — preferably warmer, acronym and number-less letter — for internal candidates. Or perhaps they could stop sending robo-rejections at all to current employees! If that’s not possible, then maybe they could put safeguards in place to ensure that internal candidates would first get the news from someone who actually interviewed them. That would be a far kinder approach.
You mention that you’ve been in your district for two decades, so I also wonder if you could tap any contacts, either for advice or help connecting with someone in human resources. I worry that if you simply reach out to someone you don’t know and they choose to ignore your request to meet, you’ll end up feeling even less valued. And ultimately, I think that’s what you need most right now — to process this demoralizing experience with people who know you well and can remind you that you’re a skilled teacher and a wonderful colleague. If all else fails, you can always forward this column to someone in human resources!