Abstract
Vocational congregational ministry presents several unique challenges that test a minister’s fortitude and commitment. A considerable number of novice ministers who are gifted for the work and sense a calling from God embrace their first congregational positions with enthusiasm, but leave the ministry after only a few years. This raises an important question: What personal or communal practices and processes help support vocational ministry over a lifetime? This article addresses this question by considering specific challenges faced by congregational ministers and analyzing the stories of ministers who are flourishing in ministry over time. These stories are drawn from interviews with ten Texas Baptist ministers who have served in congregations for at least twenty years. The ministers spoke about personal and communal spiritual practices, lifestyle habits, vocational crises, the role of calling, relational dynamics, and characteristics of congregations. The author concludes that developing healthy relationships with God, family and friends, congregational members, and one’s own self is an essential foundation for thriving in congregational ministry over the long haul.
Keywords
Some time ago, several ministers gathered at Baylor University’s Truett Seminary for a series of seminars on spiritual formation for congregations and their leaders. They were asked to read and write about the topic in advance. The group gathered one afternoon to discuss the role of the minister as a spiritual guide for congregational members. A lively discussion ensued, and nearly every member of the group offered insights and stories. Mason, a seasoned pastor in his thirties, was the only one who remained silent. This was surprising because he usually shared freely and openly with the group. When Mason finally spoke, the rest of us had to pause for some time to consider his words. He stated that he agreed fully with the notion of a minister as spiritual guide, but one aspect of the idea troubled him. After serving as a pastor for about a decade, he could not think of even one person who regularly set aside time and energy to provide this kind of spiritual care for him. He shared these thoughts from his journal:
What I need the most is a spiritual director for myself … My struggle with finding a spiritual director is: who in the world has time for me? Other pastors are just as worn out as I am … I have pastor friends in the area, but I struggle finding the time to meet with them because of the demands of ministry in a large church. Recently, I wrote this text message to a pastor friend: “I only have a few short years that my girls want to run up to me for hugs and kisses, and tonight I yelled at them for it because I was in a deacons’ meeting when they did. I suck as a dad. I want that moment back so bad I want to cry … I am looking at pictures of my sweet little girls on my wall. What if one day [my girls] hate church and hate God because they took away their daddy, and then they hate their daddy as well because he allowed himself to be taken?” … [My pastor friend] never wrote me back.
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Mason was quick to say that the friend he texted was dealing with a significant family illness. He also recognized that reaching out for conversation via text message would not adequately meet his need for spiritual care and emotional support, but his story pointed to particular relational challenges in a life of ministry leadership. Mason was naming a desire for an accountability partner who would provide spiritual nourishment and encouragement over time. He longed for someone to hear his confessions so that he might not “cry alone” as he put it. Other ministers in the room expressed appreciation for his honesty, and they agreed that ministry can be lonely, isolating work. Mason’s narrative opened the way for discussion of many kinds of ministry challenges and the need for all ministers to tend to their own spiritual, relational, psychological, and physical well-being in order to thrive over the long term.
Studying longevity in congregational ministry
Seminar and classroom discussions like this one have provided significant motivation for Robert Creech and me to explore the topic of longevity in ministry. We know vocational congregational ministry presents several unique challenges that test an individual’s fortitude and commitment. A considerable number of novice ministers who are gifted for the work and sense a calling from God embrace their first congregational positions with enthusiasm, but leave the ministry after only a few years. They offer many reasons for leaving vocational ministry, often involving various forms of personal and congregational difficulties. Those of us who serve in congregational leadership or educate others who do face an important question: What personal or communal practices and processes help support vocational ministry over a lifetime?
We have been exploring this question by listening to the stories of a diverse group of men and women who have engaged fruitfully in vocational ministry in congregations for more than 20 years. We interviewed ten Texas Baptist ministers who hold a variety of congregational positions, some serving in one congregation for most of their careers and others serving in multiple congregations. 2 In our conversations, we paid special attention to variables that seem to contribute to their ability to stay engaged in the work over time. We raised various questions for reflection, addressing personal and communal spiritual practices, lifestyle habits, vocational crises, the role of calling, relational dynamics, and characteristics of congregations. The stories of these ministers provide practical wisdom about the potential for fruitfulness in congregational vocation ministry over the long haul. 3
Understanding the challenges
In order to lay the groundwork for exploring our research findings, it is helpful to consider the nature of particular challenges ministers frequently encounter. Some issues make it especially difficult for ministers to stay in congregational assignments. A large research project titled Pulpit & Pew was conducted to better understand health and well-being in ministry leadership. Dean Hoge and Jacqueline Wenger contacted over a thousand former Protestant ministers to ask them about their reasons for leaving local church ministry. The researchers presented twelve possible reasons for transitioning out of congregational ministry and invited the ministers to identify those they felt were important (the percentage of respondents indicating “great importance” or “somewhat important”). The responses named most often included the following: (i) I felt drained by the demands on me (58%); (ii) I felt lonely or isolated (51%); (iii) I felt bored or constrained in the position (43%); (iv) I was not supported by denominational officials (43%); (v) I found a better job outside of congregational work (38%); and (vi) I had marital or personal relationship problems (27%). 4
Hoge and Wenger also discovered that some ministers chose to leave voluntarily (31%), whereas others stated that they left partly or wholly involuntarily (53%). For those leaving at least partly against their wishes, ministers named conflict with staff, laity, or denominational officials as a primary motivation. They also cited emotional states described as burnout, frustration, a feeling of constraint, or a sense of inadequacy as a primary reason. The researchers found that ministers tended to associate conflict with a sense of loneliness and isolation, a fact that is worthy of further consideration. 5
Social isolation
The data reveal a number of potential issues for those who intend to serve in congregational vocational ministry over the long term. Several of the top reasons for leaving a position are clearly tied to relationships. If breakdowns of relationship are a significant reason for leaving ministry, it is easy to understand why about half of ministers felt that the decision to leave did not rest solely with them. Congregational leaders often feel isolated and drained by the needs in their communities or believe that they are without the support systems that are crucial for their well-being. Ministers generally have gifts for working with people; this is a large part of what makes them well-suited for the calling. Yet relationships can also make ministry difficult.
As part of the study, Hoge and Wenger asked former congregational ministers if they had any words of guidance to offer denominational leaders and pastors. What came up most frequently was the recommendation that ministers have consistent, supportive relationships in everyday life and in times of crisis. Although peers in ministry might seem the most obvious people to whom to turn, the researchers found that ministers can actually feel competitive toward one another. As a result, they may hesitate to go beyond positive commentary about the “good things” happening in their contexts to deeper questions, fears, and hurts in life. They are cautious about naming their problems with one another. The person to whom one talks about a weakness could have another professional role in your life at some point in the future. 6
Ministers usually prefer to show how they are living examples of God’s forgiveness, grace, and transformative power. They seek to appear successful and competent in their professional and personal lives. If they speak of struggles, they prefer to reference challenges in the past that have already seen significant improvement. If we think back to Mason’s story, we notice that he named social isolation as an immediate concern. He needed established relationships with others who would commit to being available for mutual support. He was looking for a safe place to share about his sense of failure and to process his discouragement so that he would not need to “cry alone.” Fortunately, Mason had the courage to share his story with a larger gathering of his peers in a way that few ministers are generally willing to do, and he found a warm welcome around the table.
The demands of ministry
Difficulties in relationships can often be tied to competing demands and expectations. Hoge and Wenger found that more than half of ministers who left congregations acknowledged that a primary reason was feeling drained by the demands on them. These demands may appear to arise from many directions at once, including family and friends, church staff and lay leaders, congregational members, community organizations, and even God, depending on how they understand their own relationship with God and God’s expectations of them. The demands may also arise from the minister’s own desire for personal excellence or perfection.
How congregational leaders manage these demands depends largely upon their understanding of the role of the minister in meeting the needs of others. In some cases, a minister’s “need to be needed” by others can be a driving force that shapes an inner conflict over competing expectations. As a minister gives generously of her time and attention to a congregational member, the member is likely to show gratitude and appreciation for this gift. This causes the minister to feel good about herself, stroking the ego, and sometimes sending the subtle message that she is the best or only one who can meet this ministry need. Although a certain amount of appreciation and self-satisfaction for a job done well is healthy, congregational relationships can become unhealthy when the minister builds her core identity upon the affirmations she receives for her service.
The balance of personal energies available for relationships can also be a source of strain. Mason’s experience certainly highlights the pull between the congregation and the family. Those who offer heartfelt pastoral leadership to people on a daily basis may find that they are spent emotionally and mentally when it comes time to invest energy in relationship to a spouse, child, parent, or close friend. It is easy to be pulled away from dinner with the family, a son’s musical performance, or a daughter’s sporting event when someone calls with a crisis or concern. Technological devices make it possible for ministers to be available almost constantly to congregational members and lay leaders. As much as we may think we can multi-task by giving our full attention to our families and concurrently to our cell phones, recent neuro-scientific research suggests that we are fooling ourselves. Our brains are not made to focus on more than one thing at a time. 7
Problems surface in a minister’s life when relationships fall out of balance and he invests the energy available for personal interactions outside of his most important reciprocal relationships—those people whom God has given him to love and be loved by most closely. These boundaries are difficult to set in place and even harder to develop after a minister is firmly ensconced in the life of a congregation. It is hardly surprising that about a quarter of the people who left the ministry in Hoge and Wenger’s study reported that a major cause was marital or personal relationships. In the most concerning cases, ministers may be drawn to build intimate emotional and/or physical bonds outside of a marriage relationship. These kinds of boundary-crossing relationships bring devastation to families and congregations.
Dealing with conflict
One of the most difficult issues for relationships in congregations is certainly interpersonal conflict. Every congregational system deals with differences, whether or not their practices support healthy conflict resolution. Ministers are often drawn into significant conflicts, even if they had no part in instigating the disagreement. Sometimes ministers who are new to their congregations find that they have stepped into a whirlwind of hurt and blame. At other times, a minister’s words and actions cause pain or difficulty for others and conflict ensues. Hoge and Wenger’s research suggests that conflict is a relatively common reason that the ministers they surveyed left congregational leadership (27%). Conflicts can occur with church staff members and with lay people. Even when ministers and leadership groups in the church know theoretically that conflict can be formative for the faith community, they may react as if it is something to avoid. Differences in the congregation may cause ministers to feel that they are failing in their leadership and are not managing the church well. Conflict certainly seems to go against the notion of the healthy body of Christ in which each part supports the others.
Conflict that involves the minister can be especially hard on family members. Critical comments in private and communal settings are deeply hurtful to spouses and children who feel an impulse to defend their loved ones. When a minister’s family meets most of their needs for friendship within the congregation, the pain of conflict can infiltrate these friendships, dividing people into factions and creating a genuine sense of isolation and lack of support. The situation is especially difficult in Baptist congregations and other church traditions in which ministers are chosen by the local church. In these cases, financial support depends upon the good opinions of those responsible for hiring and firing. All of these issues may create a cauldron of discontent for a minister’s family. Is it any wonder that ministers who have job opportunities elsewhere would prayerfully consider leaving when conflict begins to fill the life of a congregation? At times, ministers may leave simply to protect their loved ones from emotional and relational harm.
Experiencing burnout
The term “burnout” has become immensely popular in the last few decades. Western culture has latched on to psychological studies that identify burnout as a serious side effect of stress and working too much. Some ministers in Hoge and Wenger’s study certainly identified with the term. Exact reasons for burnout or related emotional states were not always clear, but ministers spoke of frustration and resignation over failing to achieve goals or to convince individuals in the church to invest their time and energy in congregational initiatives. 8 Some were discouraged by church members who seemed to lack commitment to their faith, and several felt blocked by other staff members or lay leaders when the minister proposed new ideas. Ministers reported that various struggles in the church caused personal distress and deep weariness. In some cases, ministers were encouraged to leave, and they did not seek new congregational positions.
Burnout is a very real issue faced by many people in various professions, including ministers, though the term is overused in popular culture. It is far too easy to say, “I’m burned out,” after a busy week, when in reality a good night’s sleep and a day off will restore our energies for the week ahead. Burnout is a condition that progresses over time and often involves chronic fatigue, anxiety, increased physical illness, depression, cynicism, detachment, feelings of ineffectiveness, lack of hope, and other related symptoms. In fact, Herbert Freudenberger coined the term in the 1970s. Freudenberger was attempting to describe the emotional damage caused by ongoing stress experienced in helping professions. He used the image of a building that is burning from the inside out to describe what happens when there is an over-emphasis on caregiving relationships that require individuals to maintain a professional distance. Burnout develops over time as helping professionals invest their energies in care for others but do not receive from others in a reciprocal manner. Essentially, they continue to empty out in relationship, but appropriate boundaries keep them from receiving the same kind of care in return. 9
Freudenberger’s metaphor makes a good deal of sense. When a fire begins inside a building, it is generally difficult to detect at first. As the flames spread, smoke becomes visible outside of the building and windows start to shatter. External walls are among the last parts of the building to burn up. In a similar way, ministers may begin to over-commit, giving and giving in service to others but not taking adequate time to invest in relationships with God and others who do not call them “pastor.” They learn to keep unwelcome feelings inside, and they struggle to find outlets for their thoughts. The weariness begins almost imperceptibly and can turn into full-scale burnout without the minister’s full awareness. Just as burnout begins in relationship, it is also healed in relationship. Freudenberger’s antidote is the development of close companionships. If we think back to Mason’s story, we can see that he has wisely identified some significant needs in his life—the gift of loving attention to the most precious people in his life, and friends with whom he can share his true self, weaknesses and all.
Naming the central concern
Although many more details about struggles in ministry could be explored, relationships are clearly the core concern. The ministers in Hoge and Wenger’s study overwhelmingly identified ministry problems as the reason for leaving congregational vocational ministry, and usually interpersonal problems. 10
As we consider these and other relational challenges, we might say that life as a congregational leader can feel a bit like being placed on a pedestal. As a rule, pedestals are used to highlight special items that are meant to be admired. These items are set apart and appreciated from a distance. Ministers and their families can be held in such esteem. They are called to serve as worthy models for others: people with strong faith, a dedication to God, and mature character who can discern God’s will and presence.
Ministers often respond to these expectations by genuinely seeking to be and to do what is required of them; they dislike disappointing anyone by revealing significant doubts, weaknesses, or failures. Unfortunately, living in community from the position of a pedestal can be a lonely existence. Longevity in ministry requires coming off the pedestal in appropriate times and places for the minister’s own well-being and for the benefit of family members, friends, and the congregation. One wise pastor who served as a spiritual director to several novice ministers put it this way:
I see a lot of pastors just succumbing to and yielding to the pressures … pastors who feel like they’re the lone dog, the lone ranger, [like] they can’t reveal their cracks or their warts, their shortcomings … I get ready for church the same way everyone else does and I’m subject to the same temptations they are … Some of them need a reality check that they are not God. It’s good for the church if the pastors are cared for.
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Every congregation and every minister must take the truths of this statement seriously. Ministers often feel compelled to reveal only godly perfection to their congregations and other people in their lives. This creates a great deal of internal pressure and a tendency to put on masks before others. In some cases, ministers are not cared for adequately through healthy and open relationships. Pastors must be “pastored,” not only because they can be better servants for the church, but also for their own sakes as dearly beloved children of God.
Attending to relationships in ministry
Although there will always be challenges to longevity in vocational ministry, many congregational leaders are learning how to navigate them. In our interviews with ten flourishing congregational ministers, we discovered a great deal of variety in practice and language for understanding what it means to thrive. At the same time, certain consistent themes can be identified like richly colored threads uniting disparate patchwork pieces into a beautiful quilt. After sifting through hundreds of pages of transcripts, it has become clear that our findings share similarities with the work of Hoge and Wenger, as well as that of Freudenberger. In every minister’s narrative, healthy relationships have been identified as critical for longevity and well-being. As a result, the research findings will be explored in terms of four essential forms of relationship: (i) relationship with God; (ii) relationships with family and friends; (iii) relationships in ministry; and (iv) relationship with oneself.
Relationship with God
Without a doubt, all of the ministers see their personal relationship with God as central to what it means to be an effective minister. One of the most consistent findings was a certain clarity about their invitation from God to faith in Christ and their calling to ministry. Several ministers gradually began to sense a calling to ministry through prayer and Scripture reading, along with the encouraging words of others and early experiences of serving in various ministry settings. Some describe a caution about accepting the call. Michael Evans, for example, notes that he struggled with the idea of congregational ministry. He had an opportunity to attend law school and strongly considered it, but he also believed he had a call on his life to preach: “I did not want to go into the preaching or pastoral ministry … I just didn’t want to do it … because I figured I’d be poor, broke, and hungry, and I had a wife to support.” He was also critical of televangelists and other ministers who decked themselves out in fine clothing and jewelry and focused on bringing money into their ministries. He went through a process of discovering that God was calling him to be a preacher whose primary role would be to serve others. He grew to understand and accept what he believed God called him to do, and he never looked back.
It is interesting to note that none of the ministers have truly doubted the notion that God has called them to congregational ministry. A few describe a temptation to quit or pursue another path at some point, but none question that God initiated a personal calling to ministry and invited their response. This invitation and response has become an important aspect of their relationship with God, a sense that God has created them for a purpose and will sustain them along the way. For Mike Fritscher, the unfolding of the calling has involved finding a rhythm of engaging in a life with God in ministry day after day, week after week, year after year, and so on. Holding on to the calling from God and returning to it as a “benchmark,” in the words of Barry Camp, seems to be a key to longevity for these ministers.
Every minister also speaks about growing in his or her belief in God, and some talk about dealing with doubts. Several ministers describe the importance of discernment, identifying God’s presence and activity in various personal and congregational circumstances and learning to trust God in many arenas of life. John Morgan tells of a season during which he believed God was calling his congregation to get out of debt and focus on building and mission projects. His leadership team became convinced that they must not focus primarily on backup plans, but seek God’s direction and trust in it. In 13 months they were able to pay off a large debt and begin investing in new initiatives. A commitment to seek and follow God’s leading lies at the heart of Morgan’s sense of call to leadership. In their own ways, each minister emphasizes the central importance of seeking God in life and leadership, convinced that God will indeed provide guidance.
Doubts and pain arising from hardships have had an important role in shaping the relationship with God. Michael Evans describes his need to come to God as a Father after growing up with a father who was rarely present. Candy Smith notes her anger with God when another church staff person suffered with cancer and eventually died. She acknowledges the importance of being honest with God, inviting God into the middle of a season of pain in ministry. Some of the most difficult aspects of working through faith and doubt arise when loved ones face painful circumstances, such as addictions or physical illnesses. Barry Camp lost a child in a drunk driving accident. He speaks poignantly about working through questions of theodicy:
You better nail down what you believe about God before you walk into a tragedy. Because if you don’t, you may come out the end of that tragedy with beliefs you never thought you could have. But I felt like I had nailed that down. I believe God [is] good. I believe he [is] the author of life, not the author of death. And so I knew his grace would get me through that. In fact, I led the drunk driver to the Lord the next morning in the hospital. And people said, “How did you do that?” and I said, “It’s called grace.”
Camp remembers asking the man if he was on “praying grounds with God.” The man admitted that he was not a person of faith. After some conversation, they knelt together and prayed. Camp recognizes that it was God’s will for him to begin a journey of forgiveness and allow God to minister in and through him in the midst of intense grief and suffering. He continues to minister to those facing significant losses and believes his own journey has enabled him to grow in compassion and understanding.
Ministers speak at length about the spiritual practices that are fundamental to building a relationship with God. Several identify prayer and Scripture reading as essential to staying connected with God and being sensitive to God’s guidance. One minister practices nearly constant prayer throughout the day; a few others pray and fast on a regular basis. Several pray together with spouses, and some schedule times for listening in prayer and quiet reflection in order to maintain consistent contact. It is clear that the demands of ministry can easily take over a minister’s attention from early morning until evening.
Several ministers communicate the importance of discipline in the spiritual life. Dorisanne Cooper describes the experience of growing the spiritual life over time as she learns to pray in new ways. She is one of a handful in this group of ministers who has visited a monastery to retreat. At the monastery, she was encouraged to incorporate new forms of prayer and other disciplines one at a time, choosing particular times of day for practice. She notes, “I remember thinking, oh, I’m going to try them all … I’m going to do it and be so holy! Well, it’s a lot easier to do that when you’re living in a monastery without all these responsibilities.” She is learning to pace herself. Like Cooper, Duane Brooks finds nourishment in various practices shaped by a variety of Christian traditions. Brooks has a deep appreciation for journaling, fasting, and contemplative prayer. It seems that growing in intimacy with God, however this is formed, is a lifeline for these ministers as they take on the leadership of God’s people. They are acutely aware that they cannot do what they do without ongoing spiritual growth in their own lives.
Relationships with friends and family
Those entering the ministry profession are not always sensitive to the impact upon their family members. John Morgan was the only child of a minister. He says that he cannot remember one night in his growing up years when he and his mother and father were all home at the same time. Both of his parents were heavily involved in caregiving and other leadership tasks in the church. When he became a minister, he instituted a “family day” for himself, church staff, and lay members. Every month with a fifth week was considered “family week.” During family day and family week, no evening church activities would be scheduled, allowing families to focus on time together. Morgan considers this to be one of the best decisions he ever made. He was able to maintain this practice in a large church for more than two decades.
In a similar vein, Steve Johnson emphasizes having dinner at home with his family every night. He appreciated the flexible schedule of the minister during his children’s early years, taking advantage of opportunities to spend time with them after school. Each of these ministers seems sensitive to the intensive nature of their work and the need to create space for attending to those God has given them to love and cherish. They describe serious commitments to scheduling time with their families, in most cases on a weekly and daily basis. One minister comments that it is much too easy to put the church first, and she makes an effort to invest herself in other important relationships. Most of these ministers take regular vacations with family, and some have been able to plan sabbaticals that allow for special family time.
Perhaps one of the most important insights about family life that arises from the research is the need for family members to define their own roles in congregations. Duane Brooks speaks about this at length, making the effort to know his wife and children well. He wants to understand what they need from him and how they can be involved in the church in ways that suit their strengths and interests. Brooks has gone so far as to analyze their family histories to better understand family systems and structures. He recognizes that navigating family life and congregational ministry is a learning process. His sensitivity to his family’s well-being was especially significant in a time of congregational conflict. In his words,
I’ve spent a great deal of time studying my own family … how to handle myself better when I’m with my family, [and] when I’m with my church members. And the great thing was for me, the people that were involved in that conflict—there were apologies, there was forgiveness, and we [moved] on … I’m going to work here and I’m going to work through this. But our families are not employed by the church … [Melanie] is a pastor’s wife, but that is not her primary role. So when she needed to be a mom and that meant disagreement with a church member about the way something was handled, I just needed to let her be herself in that, and work through that.
Phil Christopher also gives diligent attention to the well-being of his wife and children. He notes that they invited their children to get to know their adult friends when they were younger. He remembers distinctly one night when they all went out to dinner and his son Jeremy listened in on the adult conversation. As they walked out, he said to his father, “Man, you’ve got some neat friends.” Christopher treasures the “holy moments” shared with his children and friends, and he deeply appreciates how certain church members have made an effort to know and love his children. The families of these ministers thrive when they can choose to participate in church life according to their gifts and interests and can be themselves with others. When individuals in the churches treat the minister’s family with warm hospitality, they tend to flourish.
Like Christopher, several pastors are committed to building relationships with ministry peers and good friends. In some cases, relationships with people outside of the congregation have been especially life-giving. In the early years, mentors have been especially important to these ministers. They tell vivid stories about people who affirmed them in their personhood and gifts from a young age. In every case, the calling to ministry was also supported by people with significant roles in their lives and nurtured in congregations that provided love and encouragement.
Keeping up with good friends can be more challenging as time goes on, but several ministers emphasize the importance of these relationships. Sharlande Sledge calls to check on old friends regularly, keeping connections alive and well. She believes that gratitude toward others is a spiritual practice, and she sends thank you notes and other words of encouragement to friends. Conversations may be lively and fun, or they may deal with difficult issues that benefit from the listening ear of a spiritual friend. Sledge describes several remarkable friendships that clearly help her to thrive in ministry. Both Sharlande Sledge and Dorisanne Cooper remark that mentoring and peer relationships with other female ministers has been vitally important in a context in which most other ministers are men. They choose to bring to these friends the particular issues related to being a woman in ministry. It seems clear that healthy relationships both inside and outside of the church help to enable these ministers and their families to continue through times of loneliness or conflict in ministry.
Relationships in ministry
These ministers understand their work to involve developing connections with people. Some mention the calling to be pastors, not just preachers or teachers. They are communicating a commitment to love and serve people, investing in their lives in personal ways. John Morgan is quick to note that people must know you love them. Steve Johnson understands his call as a ministry of equipping the people of God. He has chosen to stay in a rural area, investing in the lives of people he has come to know and love rather than seeking out opportunities in larger churches elsewhere. Mike Fritscher speaks of the importance of praying for the people he serves. He willingly seeks God for guidance about investing himself intentionally in the lives of individual people, yet he also keeps in mind that they belong to God. There is no sense of entitlement or ownership. In fact, a few ministers specifically mention that they know the church and its people do not belong to them simply because they are leaders—each congregation is God’s congregation. As Sharlande Sledge puts it, “This is the church’s ministry, not my ministry.”
Relationships in ministry are not without conflict—something we discussed earlier. Every minister in the study addresses the issue of conflict in the congregation. Sledge once worked through a traumatic time in her congregation when the senior pastor had an affair with a church member and ultimately left. It was important for her to recognize that God is still present in the life of the congregation in spite of turmoil and failure. Duane Brooks talks about reconciliation in the congregation when relationships have become strained. He has been willing to apologize when he has made mistakes, making a commitment to healing the conflict and owning his part of the mess. In all forms of conflict, communicating care for those who tend to be difficult is essential to building strong congregational relationships.
Perhaps one of the most important things several ministers do habitually is to address conflict actively before it spins out of control. Dealing with opposition is difficult, especially for ministers who have an inner drive to “be liked” in their congregations, but it is necessary for health in ministry. Barry Camp recognizes that it is impossible to please everyone, and sometimes it is necessary to take action that is unpopular. A key to building positive relationships is to recognize that forming trust in a hurting church takes time, and it is better to avoid change when it is unnecessary. In difficult situations, Camp has made a practice of gathering congregational groups and openly responding to questions, clearing the way for honest expression and forthright conversation.
The process of building ministry relationships does not just happen inside the walls of the church. Rich connections are formed when ministers interact with individuals, schools, and other organizations in the community. Michael Evans is energized by getting out of the church on a regular basis and becoming involved in community organizations. Relationships with people in other denominations also encourage and enliven Evans’s leadership. Candy Smith remembers a remarkable encounter with a woman in a café when she was on her way to a monastic retreat center in another state. A young woman came and sat next to her, and they struck up a conversation. Smith soon realized that “this young woman was just broken … And after about an hour and a half—we were right there in the middle of this café with lots of people around, and she prayed to receive Christ.” Smith tells multiple related stories about opportunities to share the gospel in everyday circumstances.
What is especially encouraging about Smith’s encounter is the reciprocal nature of the experience. As she continued on her way to the monastery, she sensed God communicating to her that the meeting with the woman was equally important for both of them. Smith began to weep over her hunger for God and the remarkable way that even brief encounters with others are part of God’s gift of rejuvenation. As we consider these leaders’ relationships in ministry, we discover a significant finding. They generally give significant time and attention to building relationships inside and outside of their congregations, and strong relationships have the potential to encourage and rejuvenate both laity and leaders themselves.
Relationship with oneself
It may seem odd to suggest that people can be in relationship to themselves. What this category intends to communicate is that healthy ministers develop a significant level of self-awareness. In essence, they are cognizant of their own needs and practice self-care. The first thing to notice in the research regarding these ministers’ relationships to themselves is language about humility. The interviews overwhelmingly reveal that every minister has given significant thought to the role of humility in spiritual leadership. Humility has to do with acknowledging mistakes, confessing before others when necessary (even to those who might be called “enemies”), and learning from failure. In the words of Steve Johnson, this means having the integrity “to eat crow with grace at the table.”
The ministers reflect on the importance of vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency. At the same time, some private things need not be shared with everyone. A challenge in ministry is rightly discerning the boundary lines. One minister speaks about experiencing a brief marriage separation several years ago. The minister felt fearful about communicating the news to the congregation. The couple was surprised and encouraged by the compassionate care they received. This created a hospitable environment to continue in ministry and work toward healing the marriage relationship. The minister learned to share general details openly, seeking prayer support, but kept other details private.
Another major concern for ministers is Sabbath-keeping and other time off. Nearly all of the ministers are committed to taking a full day off every week. They find ways to let go of the demands of ministry and relish the opportunity to do things that do not require being in charge. Some find spending time in nature to be particularly rejuvenating. John Morgan reflects on getting out of town and into creation. Phil Christopher describes the beauty of observing rhythms in nature. Observing the wonderful rhythms of life, such as the waves coming onto the shore, brings rest and peace. Longer periods away from the church are fulfilled by sabbaticals. Some ministers have not had opportunities to take sabbaticals. Others have educated their congregations about the benefits of ministers taking time away for personal and spiritual growth. Lilly Endowment grants for ministers have helped to fill gaps in expenses, allowing for some memorable trips around the world.
Other forms of self-care are important for these ministers. Hobbies may fill time off, with rich opportunities for engagement in the arts and other activities. Some ministers pay particular attention to their own physical health, eating with care, and keeping up with regular exercise habits. Continuing education is an important outlet for ministers, providing a way for them to be stretched intellectually and professionally. Many understand that sustainable ministry involves the well-being of the whole person. Sometimes this is simply a matter of doing things that are enjoyable and life-giving.
Building life-long relationships
Much more could be said about every kind of relationship in which these ministers invest. Ultimately they worship and serve a relational God and recognize the importance of tending to their own needs for relationship. With this foundation in place, they are able to be healthier people who love God and others more effectively, even in the midst of weariness or pain. Their stories offer the hope that God continues to place clear and urgent callings in people’s lives to lead the church and makes it possible for ministers to follow in peace and joy.
One final story brings to light many aspects of relational well-being. More than a decade ago, Dorisanne Cooper began to gather with like-minded ministers annually to talk about sermon themes for the year ahead. About a decade ago, the current group of six ministers was set. They shared a vision for coming together to talk about worship planning and to share in the joys of friendship. They stayed connected every week during the rest of the year, providing listening ears and safe places for open conversation about life and ministry.
Because of scheduling challenges, they began to bring spouses and children to the annual event. The gathering at a lake house now included many fun activities. The children began building relationships with the other adults and fellow “preacher’s kids.” Spouses shared similar camaraderie. The event has come to be known as “preacher’s camp,” though much more than preaching preparation occurs. It is a time for work, sharing, food, play, and personal renewal. They hold one another accountable in their ministries and personal lives and have come to depend on each other. This remarkable gathering of ministers and families reminds us again of Mason’s story, and the need for all ministers who seek to thrive over the long haul to build the kinds of supportive connections that reflect the biblical image of relationship in the body of Christ.
Footnotes
1.
“Mason” is not his real name, and some minor details have been changed to protect his identity. He has given permission for this journal entry to be shared. A discussion of this encounter has also been explored in the following volume: Angela Reed, Richard Osmer, and Marcus Smucker, Spiritual Companioning: A Guide to Protestant Theology and Practice (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2015), 151–58. Some other issues addressed in this article are also discussed in the chapter entitled “Spiritual Companioning for Leaders.”
2.
We owe a debt of gratitude to these ministers who shared openly about their lives with us. We are also grateful to Baylor University’s Institute for Oral History that generously supported the project through a research fellowship in 2013–2014. Transcripts of the interviews are made available through the institute’s collections. The following ministers granted interviews: Michael Evans, Sr. (Bethlehem Baptist Church, Mansfield, TX), Candace “Candy” Smith (First Baptist Church, Richardson, TX), Mike Fritscher (Cottonwood Baptist Church, Dublin, TX), Duane Brooks (Tallowood Baptist Church, Houston, TX), Sharlande Sledge (Lake Shore Baptist Church, Waco, TX), Steven Johnson (First Baptist Church, Caldwell, TX), Phil Christopher (First Baptist Church, Abilene, TX), Barry Camp (Highland Baptist Church, Waco, TX), Dorisanne Cooper (Lake Shore Baptist Church, Waco, TX), and John Morgan (Sagemont Church, Houston, TX).
3.
We have taken a “best practices” approach to the research, including participants who are known for their long-term commitment to ministry and wisdom in leadership. Our research focused on the experiences of ministers from their own perspectives. We recognize that the research was conducted in particular locations with particular individuals and make no claim that the findings necessarily apply in all other contexts.
4.
Dean R. Hoge and Jacqueline E. Wenger, Pastors in Transition: Why Clergy Leave Local Church Ministry (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans, 2005), 36–39.
5.
Ibid.
6.
Ibid., 199, 207.
7.
Several recent books address the impact of technology on the human ability to attend well to others and to focus on tasks, including the following volume that was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in 2011: Nicholas Carr, The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to our Brains (New York: W. W. Norton & Co., 2010).
8.
Ibid., 36–39.
9.
Herbert J. Freudenberger with Geraldine Richelson, Burnout: The High Cost of High Achievement (Garden City, NY: Anchor, 1980), 123–24.
10.
Hoge and Wenger, Pastors in Transition, 36–39.
11.
Angela Reed, Quest for Spiritual Community: Reclaiming Spiritual Guidance for Contemporary Congregations (New York: T&T Clark, 2011), 55.