Conflict in Skipped Generation Households in Thailand

Abstract

A common phenomenon in rural Thailand is that adult children migrate to find work and leave their children behind in the care of their grandparents. The resulting living arrangement is referred to as a skipped generation household. This arrangement can benefit the intergenerational family but can also be associated with conflict. This study explores different types of conflict between grandparents and their adult children in skipped generation households and how they manage these conflicts. In-depth interviews were conducted with 48 grandparents in rural Thailand. Using thematic analysis, conflicts including decision to care for grandchildren, how to raise and discipline grandchildren, where the grandchildren should live, grandchildren’s education, and inconsistent remittances from the migrant children to their parents were identified. The findings revealed the strategies grandparents use to cope by either trying to prevent or dealing with conflicts. Buddhist teachings play an important role in the way families react to conflict.

Keywords

conflict skipped generation households types of conflict styles of conflict management Buddhist

Introduction

Skipped generation households where adult children are absent and leave their children in the care of their parents (i.e., the grandparents of the children) have become a global phenomenon. In Asia, the primary reason adult children leave their children behind is to find work in other areas (Knodel & Nguyen, 2014). Caring for left-behind grandchildren tends to result in mixed feelings for grandparents in skipped generation households. On the one hand, grandparents may derive a sense of purpose from caring for their grandchildren, appreciate their grandchildren’s companionship, and anticipate the potential for more remittances from their adult migrant children (Baker & Silverstein, 2012; Ingersoll-Dayton, Punpuing, Tangchonlatip, & Yakas, 2018; Ingersoll-Dayton, Tangchonlatip, Punpuing, & Yakas, 2018; Ingersoll-Dayton, Punpuing, Tangchonlatip, & Yakas, 2017; Narongchai & Ayuwat, 2011; Thang, 2012). On the other hand, grandparents may feel trapped by their caregiving responsibilities, worried about their own health, and concerned that they do not have sufficient financial resources to raise their grandchildren (Ingersoll-Dayton, Punpuing, et al., 2018). Another dynamic that can contribute to grandparents’ mixed feelings about caring for grandchildren is intergenerational conflict. The focus of this article is on understanding the conflicts that occur between grandparents and their adult children in skipped generation households due to migration.

Thailand is a country that provides an ideal setting for this research for two reasons. First, there is a fairly sizeable proportion of skipped generation households in this Southeast Asian country. According to a recent national survey of older adults in Thailand, 10% of older persons lived in skipped generation households; these households were predominantly the result of adult children’s migration (Knodel, Teerawichitchainan, Prachuabmoh, & Pothisiri, 2015). Second, research indicates that Thai grandparents in skipped generation households experience considerable stress. Specifically, Kamnuansilpa and Wongthanavasu (2005) found in their study in Northeastern Thailand that grandparents felt forced to take responsibility for their grandchildren. They postulated that the grandparents’ insufficient income and subsequent financial strain contributed to their feelings of stress. This article builds upon the research of Kamnuansilpa and Wongthanavasu (2005) by investigating another possible source of grandparent stress: disagreements between grandparents and their adult migrant children about the raising of the grandchildren.

Literature Review

Intergenerational conflict in skipped generation families is a relatively unexplored area of research. As we seek to understand the context of intergenerational conflict, we turn to the broader literature on the relationships between parents and their adult children in Asia.

Types of Conflicts

One source of intergenerational conflict is differences in child-rearing practices and methods of discipline (Mehta, 2012). In a qualitative study of grandparents in five Asian countries including Japan, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia, and Hong Kong, Thang (2012) noted that many of the grandparents disagreed with their adult children’s disciplinary tactics. Some even went so far as to intervene when they felt their adult children were being too harsh with their grandchildren. In the study of five Asian countries, Mehta (2012) provided a case example of intergenerational conflict related to differences in child-rearing practices. A Thai grandmother, who was living in an intergenerational household with her son’s family, became angry when she learned that her son had scolded and hit her grandson. She said to her son, “ … From now on if I ever heard you scold or hit my grandchild again, don’t call me your mother anymore” (Mehta, 2012, p. 79).

Other grandparents in the study of five Asian countries experienced conflict with their adult children for the opposite reason. That is, they felt their adult children were being overly permissive and spoiling the grandchildren. To illustrate, another Thai grandmother who was living with her daughter’s family disagreed with the daughter’s tendency to give her granddaughter a considerable amount of spending money. She was particularly concerned that her granddaughter would become spoiled by being allowed to spend money on computer games (Mehta, 2012). In both of these examples, it is important to note that the grandparents were living with their adult children’s family. It may be that intergenerational conflicts about discipline are different when grandparents assume more responsibility for their grandchildren, as they do in skipped generation households.

Conflict may also occur when adult children do not send sufficient financial resources to support the skipped generation household. When adult children migrate, it is generally assumed they will send home remittances (Knodel, Saengtienchai, & Sittitrai, 1995; Knodel & Chayovan, 2009). This expectation is even stronger if migrant adult children have left their children behind in the care of grandparents (Knodel, Kespichayawattana, Saengtienchai, & Wiwatwanich, 2010). When remittances are inadequate, grandparents must try to support their grandchildren with their own resources. A study combining quantitative and qualitative methods conducted by Kamnuansilpa and Wongthanavasu (2005) in three communities in Northeastern Thailand hypothesized that grandparents’ financial strains contributed to their stress. The tensions that arise from this situation may lead to conflict between grandparents and their adult migrant children.

Conflict Management Strategies

In her discussion of conflict management strategies, Mehta (2012, p. 89) observed that Asian grandparents tend to use harmonization strategies to preserve family unity. One such strategy is to avoid conflict by not interfering. For example, when asked whether she gave advice to her daughter about how to bring up her grandchildren, a Japanese grandmother replied, “I refrained myself” (Mehta, 2012, p. 89). Similarly, a Thai grandmother explained that rather than interfering in family conflict, “Sometimes I have to let it go” (Mehta, 2012, p. 89).

Asian grandparents may also try to deal with family tensions by changing their perceptions of the situation (Mehta, 2012). Some individuals use primary control (actively changing one’s circumstances) strategies to change their external environment to fit with their needs and desires. In contrast, secondary control refers to an individual’s attempts to adjust to their life situation (Heckhausen & Schulz, 1995; Worsch, Heckhausen, & Lachman, 2000). According to Worsch et al. (2000), secondary control is the individuals’ attempt to “influence their own motivation, emotion, and mental representation” (p. 388). Previous research indicates that secondary control is more common in nonwestern cultures and among those who are older (Ashman, Shiomura, & Levy, 2006; Heckhausen & Schulz, 1995). Indeed, Mehta (2012) observed that a common conflict management strategy among Asian grandparents was the use of secondary control, particularly when grandparents were frail and dependent upon others. Mehta stated that “secondary control can help them to survive difficult situations with equanimity and intact self-identities (p. 91).” In addition, by changing their perceptions of the situation, grandparents attempt to avoid problematic intergenerational clashes.

This study adds to the small body of existing research on intergenerational family conflict by focusing on skipped generation households. In so doing, we seek to uncover both the kinds of conflicts that emerge between grandparents and their migrant adult children within these households and to identify the ways in which grandparents manage the intergenerational conflicts.

Methods

This study was conducted in three provinces of Thailand (Phitsanulok in the North, Khon Kaen in the Northeast, and Kanchanaburi in the West). All these areas have a high amount of migration (Jampaklay et al., 2012; National Statistical Office, 2006) and represent a diversity of economic, social, and cultural contexts (Jampaklay et al., 2012). Participants in this study were grandparents aged 50 years and older. They took care of at least one grandchild whose parents had migrated to work in other areas for 3 or more months and who left the grandchild(ren) to live with grandparents with no other adults from the grandparent or parent generation living in the household.

Recruitment of Participants

Research participants were recruited through Tambon (subdistrict) Health Promotion Hospitals (THPH). The THPH Directors and village health volunteers (VHVs) assisted in identifying potential grandparents who lived in skipped generation households. The VHVs introduced the researchers to the potential participants. The fieldwork was carried out after receiving approval from the Institute for Population and Social Research Institutional Review Board and the University of Michigan Institutional Review Board. The researchers interviewed grandparents in their homes. They first explained the objectives of the study to potential participants and asked for their consent as well as their permission to be audio-recorded. The in-depth interviews were conducted using semistructured and open-ended questions. These questions asked about positive and conflictual family dynamics and then probed for more information on a variety of topics (e.g., remittances, child disciplinary techniques). Interviews ranged from 28 to 104 minutes. One member of the research team took field notes related to observations during the interviews. At the end of the interviews, participants received a small tote bag in appreciation for their time.

Characteristics of the Participants

A total of 48 grandparents (36 grandmothers and 12 grandfathers) in 42 skipped generation households (14 households in each of the three provinces) were interviewed. Participants’ ages ranged from 51 to 82 years (average = 62.9 years). With regard to marital status, 29 grandparents were married and living with a spouse in the households, 2 were married but living separately from their spouse, 13 were widowed, 3 were divorced, and 1 was separated. More than half (29 grandparents) were in a couple and were caring for their grandchildren together. All were Buddhist. In relation to employment, 32 were working and 16 were not working. Most of the employed participants worked as farmers, food sellers, and basket/silk weavers. Half of the interviewees (n = 24) indicated that they had insufficient income. Grandparents lived with 1 to 5 grandchildren (average number of grandchildren = 1.9) who ranged in age from 7 months to 28 years (average age of grandchildren = 8.7 years). Generally, the older grandchildren were siblings of the younger grandchildren.

Grandparents indicated that they had up to 8 adult children who had migrated. In the 42 households in which we conducted interviews, an average of 2.7 adult children had migrated. The migration of the adult children who had left their own children in the care of the grandparents had occurred between 6 months to 23 years earlier (average = 9.9 years). These adult children migrants were now working at low- or semiskilled jobs (e.g., drivers, factory workers, merchants).

Data Analysis

The interviews were digitally recorded, transcribed in Thai, and subsequently translated into English. We used thematic analysis to analyze the interviews (Braun & Clarke, 2006). The analysis included several steps. First, the research team independently read a subset of the transcripts and discussed them to identify conflict situations. Second, NVivo 10 was used to code these conflicts and to identify the cases in which older parents and their adult children had conflicts. Next, two researchers independently read the transcripts of the cases that had been identified as conflictual and made preliminary judgments about the type of conflicts and how the grandparents managed the conflicts. The researchers then met to review each case and come to a consensus on the types of conflicts and conflict management strategies.

There are multiple ways to ensure trustworthiness and rigor when conducting qualitative data analysis (Padgett, 2008). The methods we used included data triangulation (i.e., analyzing the open-ended interview questions in Thai and English and comparing participant responses with the field observation notes) and observer/interdisciplinary triangulation (i.e., research team members included a sociologist, a social worker, and a demographer who independently read the research materials). In addition, team debriefing sessions were held in which the investigators talked regularly about their analytic decisions and interpretations. Finally, we maintained an audit trail to document the decisions made during our team meetings.

Results

Our analyses focused on two aspects of conflict: types of conflict and styles of conflict management. We organize our findings and present case examples in relation to these two aspects of conflict. Furthermore, we discuss whether our findings support previous research or represent new additions to the literature.

Types of Conflict

Our thematic analysis of the transcripts identified several key types of conflict that occurred between grandparents and their adult children in relation to the grandchildren. These conflicts focused on who would care for the grandchildren, how to raise and discipline the grandchildren, where the grandchildren should live, the grandchildren’s education, and remittances to care for the grandchildren. Of the 48 grandparents who were interviewed, 17 described conflicts that occurred between the grandparents and their migrant adult child. These numbers suggest that conflict occurs in some but not most skipped generation families. Although we need to understand the kinds of conflicts experienced by grandparents in relation to their migrant children, it is important to acknowledge that these conflicts are not normative.

Conflict about decision to care for grandchildren

In some cases, parents did not know that their daughters were pregnant. These grandparents felt blindsided by their daughters and conflict ensued when the daughters asked their parents for help with childcare. A married 75-year-old grandfather was angry at his daughter, a university student, who had a baby without telling him or his wife she was pregnant. The grandfather did not expect to be caring for a young child and initially told his wife, “… do not take the baby into this house.”

In a similar situation, a 59-year-old married grandfather was furious when his daughter called to say that she had a baby.

We didn’t even know she had a boyfriend, that she got pregnant and that she had a baby … I really hated her for what she had done. When we were down there to visit them, I didn’t even want to look at her.

Initially, his daughter quit her job to care for her baby; however, the grandfather and grandmother ultimately decided to care for the baby to allow the mother to go back to work.

These two examples illustrate how conflict can occur between grandparents and adult children when grandparents do not expect to care for their grandchildren. In both cases, the migrant daughters had gotten pregnant before marriage which impelled the grandparents to reluctantly accept responsibility for taking care of the grandchildren. These cases were similar to those of Kamnuansilpa and Wongthanavasu (2005) who reported that most of the skipped generation household grandparents whom they interviewed felt forced to care for their grandchildren. Our case examples lead us to speculate that one reason grandparents may feel forced to care for their grandchildren is that their adult children are single making it more difficult for them to manage both work and childcare. In such cases, grandparents may feel obligated to help their adult children by raising their grandchildren.

Conflict about how to raise and discipline grandchildren

Disagreements between grandparents and their adult children on how to raise and discipline the grandchildren was a source of conflict. Sometimes it was the adult child who felt that the grandparents were too harsh. For example, the adult children of a 67-year-old widowed grandmother complained that she reprimanded her grandchildren too much. The grandmother explained her position in this way: “They tell me not to scold their children too much. But I respond that if they don’t like it, they should take their children back.” At other times, grandparents felt that their adult children were too strict. A married 56-year-old grandmother objected to how often her daughter hit the grandson whenever she visited home during holidays:

I scold, “Why do you hit your son?.” She says her son gets stubborn and must be hit. His grandfather doesn’t live here because of his job in another province. But when knowing his grandchild is hit, he will call her scolding, “Your son is so small. Why did you hit him?”

Grandparents and their adult children also accused each other of spoiling the grandchildren. Some adult children complained that grandparents were not strict enough with grandchildren. For example, a 62-year-old widowed grandmother indicated that her son was not satisfied with how she disciplined the grandson. She stated, “He tells me to discipline the grandson. He says that I spoil the boy.” At the same time, grandparents had grievances about their adult children’s parenting style. A 78-year-old married grandfather felt that his daughter spoiled the grandson by buying him too many toys. The grandfather’s position was that playing with toys should be used as a reward for good behavior and stated, “The boy should be allowed to play with toys after he does well in school.”

Grandparents and their adult children also disagreed about the use of computer games. Grandparents generally thought that their adult children allowed the grandchildren too much freedom with such games. According to one 58-year-old widowed grandmother,

My daughter tends to spoil her son by letting him play computer games. The games shop is conveniently located right in front of his school. I told her not to allow her son to play games so much because that will ruin his eyesight.

We found that different child-rearing practices and discipline methods can lead to intergenerational conflict. Thang (2012) noted that a source of tension between generations can occur when older parents’ way of child-rearing is more traditional than that of their adult children. As one example of a newly emerging disagreement in child-rearing practices, our work supports Mehta’s (2012) in identifying a clash between grandparents and their adult children over how much to allow grandchildren access to computers and the Internet.

Conflict about where grandchildren should live

Another source of conflict between grandparents and their adult children centered on when the grandchildren should leave their grandparents’ home to return to their parents. In several instances, the adult children wanted their children to live with them but the grandparents disagreed. For example, a married 51-year-old grandmother protested when her son and daughter-in-law wanted to take their 2½-year-old son to live with them. The grandmother’s position was that her adult son and his wife would not have time to take care of the grandson given their work commitments. Although the son was willing to leave his son in the grandmother’s care, his wife wanted her son to live with them. The grandmother explained, “She misses her son. I told her to endure the feeling.” The grandmother felt strongly that the grandson was too young and that he should return to live with his parents when he was older.

In a similar situation, a married 59-year-old grandmother and her husband (the grandfather) cared for their 7-month-old granddaughter and had previously cared for the granddaughter’s older brother. However, their daughter insisted that she wanted her son back. Later, this daughter asked the grandparents to care for the granddaughter. The grandparents enjoyed her companionship and also anticipated that, as she grew older, the little girl could care for them. They felt strongly that this young granddaughter should stay with them. As the grandmother said, “I love her very much. I’ve asked her mother to please let her stay but I don’t know what she will decide. I want her to live with us, cook for us and keep us company.” Although it appeared that the grandparents’ daughter was willing to leave the granddaughter for a short period of time, it was likely she would decide to have her daughter return home in the future. If so, this would be a decision that would conflict with the desires of the grandparents.

These cases add to the existing literature on intergenerational conflict by highlighting an additional source of family tension in skipped generation families: Grandparents may enjoy providing care for their grandchildren, welcome their company, and appreciate their help (Ingersoll-Dayton, Punpuing, et al., 2018; Ingersoll-Dayton, Tangchonlatip, et al., 2018). Therefore, when their adult children ask the grandparents to give up their grandchildren, a dispute may result.

Conflict about grandchildren’s education

Grandparents and their adult children also experienced discord about where the grandchildren would attend school. In some instances, the adult children had higher aspirations for the grandchildren than did the grandparents. For example, an adult daughter wanted her son to attend a competitive high school, but the married 78-year-old grandfather wanted him to attend a vocational school. The grandfather reasoned that this grandson would be more likely to obtain a useful job after attending vocational school.

Controversy about the grandchildren’s education was also associated with the cost of schooling. The 58-year-old widowed grandmother and her adult daughter who clashed over how much time the grandson spent on computer games also disagreed about the grandson’s education. The adult daughter wanted her son to go to an expensive school, but the grandmother, who paid for the grandchild’s education, opposed her daughter, stating, “I don’t have that kind of money.”

Clashes between grandparents and their adult children over where grandchildren will go to school is a source of intergenerational conflict that has received little attention in the grandparenting literature. Our findings suggest that these clashes are related to the cost of schooling and different intergenerational aspirations. In addition, when adult children want their own children to enter more competitive schools, the schools may be at a distance from the grandparents and thus lead to a breakup of the skipped generation household.

Conflict about lack of remittances to care for grandchildren

When grandparents have few financial resources and their adult children provide insufficient remittances, intergenerational tensions can result. In our study, a widowed 72-year-old grandmother took care of two grandsons. She felt abandoned by her adult daughter who had promised to send remittances but had not done so for a long time. Instead, the grandmother had to provide her daughter with money for transportation when she occasionally came to visit and provide for her grandsons as well. The grandmother recounted her dire economic circumstances:

I can work for hire. Sometimes no one hires me. That boy has to go to school every day. For the bus fee, I have to pay 300 baht¹ per month. It’s 150 baht for half a month. I have not paid the other half at this month’s end.

We speculate that such economic hardship and lack of expected support likely led to a strained relationship with her daughter.

Another divorced grandmother, aged 59 years, cared for the two sons (ages 8 and 11 years) of her divorced son. The son traveled for his work, sent home very little money, rarely visited, and was often drunk when he came home. The grandmother had to work to cover the cost of her grandsons’ expenses. When the grandmother tried to discuss her need for more financial support with her son, conflict ensued. She said,

I think he is making good money but he doesn’t save much. I am hurt that he doesn’t give me more to help with the household and his sons. Last time he only gave me 500 baht. But he gets irritable if I complain that it is not nearly enough.

Both these cases support the research of Kamnuansilpa and Wongthanavasu (2005) pointing to the financial strain for grandparents when adult children do not provide adequate remittances. To the extent that remittances are a substantial source of income for older adults (Knodel et al., 2010), insufficient remittances from migrant children places an exceptionally heavy burden on grandparents in skipped generation households. Our research suggests that this burden can result in intergenerational conflict when grandparents’ expectations of financial support are not fulfilled by their migrant children.

Styles of Conflict Management

Analyzing the grandparents’ interviews, it appeared that they tended to manage intergenerational conflict by either preventing or dealing with it.

Preventing conflict with adult children

One of the ways in which grandparents prevented intergenerational conflict was to avoid arguments with their adult children. When they anticipated that disagreements would lead to conflict, grandparents sometimes kept quiet rather than expressing their own opinion. This strategy was illustrated by a 66-year-old married grandfather who did not approve of how often his adult son scolded his 13-year-old granddaughter. The grandfather explained that to avoid getting involved in an argument with his adult son, he did not say anything. He described his conflict avoidance strategy in the following way: “I try to stay out of it.” Similarly, in the earlier-mentioned case of the 59-year-old married grandmother who anticipated that her daughter would eventually want her granddaughter back, the grandmother made the decision not to disagree with her daughter. Instead, the grandmother reasoned that her own health was poor and she might not have much longer to live. She rationalized that, by the time that her daughter wanted her granddaughter back, “I will be long gone.” For these two cases, our findings are similar to those of Mehta (2012), who points out that a strategy of noninterference is used by older parents to maintain family harmony. She contends that Asian grandparents often use harmonization strategies to preserve family’s unity and equilibrium (Mehta, 2012). For a few of our participants, avoidance of conflict was a key family harmony strategy. It appeared that they kept quiet or avoided interfering with their adult children’s decision as a means by which to prevent tension and arguments with their adult children and to promote family harmony.

A second way in which grandparents prevented conflict was to accept their situation by changing their own expectations. This approach was used by the 72-year-old widowed grandmother, mentioned earlier, who was caring for two grandsons but received no remittances from her adult daughter. The grandmother expected to get money from her daughter once she migrated to obtain employment. The grandmother explained,

She left me for work and would get money after a while. So it’s OK for me to look after her children… . I would get money to ease burdens of our family. I thought like this and so I let her go.

In contrast to the grandmother’s expectations, however, the daughter had never sent any money to her. The grandmother’s way of dealing with her unfilled expectations was to change her expectations. She stated, “I’ve never thought of having hope that she (the daughter) will give me food or money for her children, I’ve never thought of it.” The grandmother summarized her overall reaction to her daughter’s lack of support very simply: “I feel nothing.” When reflecting on why she was in such a difficult financial situation, she explained, “It’s like I’ve been given karma.” Here, the grandmother seemed to be using the Buddhist belief in karma (i.e., the influence of previous actions on outcomes that occur in the present life) as a way of helping to understand and accept her present situation. Buddhist beliefs also appeared to influence the thinking of a divorced 59-year-old grandmother whose adult son left home, abandoned his own son to her care, and rarely sent home remittances. This grandmother accepted responsibility for her grandson with the belief that her caregiving responsibilities were the result of bad deeds in a past life. The grandmother explained, “… I accept my fate that I have to take care of his children … I let him go … it might be because I did some bad things in my previous life.”

As mentioned earlier, all of our participants were Buddhist. Religious beliefs can provide a framework of meaning that enables older people to have some reasoning for why they are enduring difficult situations (Jianbin & Mehta, 2003; Podhisita, 1998). Within Buddhism, acceptance of suffering is a key belief (Podhisita, 1998). For these two grandmothers, it appeared that their Buddhist beliefs about karma and suffering helped them accept their caregiving situation and avoid conflict with their adult children. It may be that for some Thai grandparents, their Buddhist beliefs provide a way of gaining secondary control. That is, by perceiving problematic intergenerational dynamics as a part of their fate, the grandparents change their expectations and prevent conflict with their adult children.

Dealing with conflict

One of the ways in which grandparents dealt with conflict was by changing their own behaviors to minimize intergenerational tension. The migrant children of a married grandmother aged 60 years, who had a number of health problems, complained that she was not strict enough with the grandchildren. One of her sons who left his two sons with her had told the grandmother that she was “too easy on the boys.” To keep the peace with her adult children, the grandmother addressed their criticisms by changing the way in which she dealt with the grandchildren. She acknowledged, “I have not spoiled them in over a year.” In this situation, the grandmother decided to change her child-rearing practice by becoming stricter with the grandsons. We speculate that she changed her behavior to avoid further tensions and arguments with her adult sons.

Similarly, the 75-year-old married grandfather, mentioned earlier, who was furious at his daughter when she became pregnant before marriage ultimately changed his own behavior. Initially, he was so angry at his daughter that he refused her request for help with childcare. After considerable coaxing from his wife, the grandfather finally acquiesced to having the grandson live with them. However, he warned his daughter,

Don’t let it happen again. If it happens again, she can’t say that I’m mean. I won’t let her in the house and I will not be responsible. I will cut ties with her. No need to call me Father anymore. I will only be ashamed once. There will not be a second time.

The grandfather was the one who looked after the 4-year-old grandson while his wife worked. He made a conscious choice to change his behavior due to his wife’s insistence that they care for their grandchild. For him, secondary control was not so much a motivating factor as was a desire to maintain family harmony. Our grandparents’ willingness to change their behavior to deal with conflict supports Mehta’s (2012) notion that Asian grandparents use harmonization strategies to maintain family unity. In this situation, the grandfather reversed his original position that he would not care for his grandson. After considerable discussion with his wife who wanted to raise their grandson, he decided to go along with the desires of both his wife and his daughter and, in so doing, preserve their family harmony. It is interesting to note, however, that in this case, although he gave into his wife’s insistence that they care for their grandchild, the grandfather maintained a degree of control by demanding that his daughter change her behavior in the future.

A second way in which grandparents dealt with conflict was to focus on changing their adult children’s behavior. In so doing, grandparents were exerting primary control to cope with intergenerational conflict. This approach was exemplified by a 59-year-old married grandfather whose adult daughter was initially reluctant to have her parents care for her baby. The grandfather reasoned that if he and his wife cared for the baby, the adult daughter could go back to work and send them remittances to cover the cost of caring for the baby. As the grandfather explained,

… they didn’t ask us to do it, but we told them that they couldn’t possibly raise their babies while they lived from hand to mouth like that. We insisted that they bring us the babies so they could work.

The daughter ultimately gave into her father’s arguments and left her son in the care of her parents.

Some grandparents changed their adult children’s behavior by threatening to return their grandchildren. The 58-year-old widow, mentioned earlier, who cared for her 9-year-old grandson used this approach after she and her adult daughter argued about the extent to which the grandson should be allowed to play computer games. The adult daughter was more lenient than was the grandmother who was adamant about this issue. The grandmother told her daughter that she would send the grandson back unless she agreed to stricter rules about the Internet. The grandmother reported, “She had to give in. No Internet at home, but her kid is allowed to play computer games once a week for 2 hours. No negotiations. She agreed.”

A similar conflict management strategy was used by the previously mentioned 67-year-old widowed mother whose adult daughter complained that her mother scolded the grandson too much. In this situation, the grandmother was unwilling to soften her strict approach. She handled this disagreement by telling her daughter that if she did not like her child-rearing approach, the daughter could take back her child.

These cases point to a distinction between our findings and those of Mehta’s (2012). Most of the grandparents in her study, which included grandparents living in three generational households, used secondary control to manage intergenerational conflict. However, many of our grandparents, all of whom lived in skipped generation households, used primary control. That is, they were willing and able to take a stand in opposition to their adult children. In these instances, it was often the adult children who needed to compromise and change their behavior in order to maintain family harmony and their parents’ willingness to care for the grandchildren.

Discussion

When migrant adult children leave their own children behind in the care of grandparents, intergenerational tensions may occur. This study identified several types of intergenerational conflict and uncovered strategies grandparents use to cope with the conflict. We highlight the main findings and their contributions to the intergenerational conflict literature, discuss the limitations of this study, and propose future research.

Types of Conflict

Some of the sources of intergenerational conflict we identified in these skipped generation families in Thailand were similar to those identified by other researchers who have conducted research on intergenerational families in Asia. Consistent with the research of Kamnuansilpa and Wongthanavasu (2005), who focused on grandparents caring for grandchildren in Northeastern Thailand, we found that grandparents experienced considerable stress due to lack of financial resources. In some cases, the grandparents we interviewed had conflictual relationships with their adult children because they were not sending sufficient remittances to cover the expenses of raising a child. Also similar to Mehta (2012) and Thang (2012), who conducted research on grandparents in several Southeast Asian countries, we found that adult migrant children and grandparents experienced conflict over the raising and disciplining of the grandchildren. In some instances, the adult children blamed the grandparents for spoiling or being too hard on the grandchildren and, in other instances, it was the grandparents who were critical of the adult children.

Other sources of conflict between grandparents and their adult children represent new discoveries that contribute to the literature on intergenerational families in Asia. One such discovery was the conflict that resulted from the unexpected pregnancies of adult daughters. Some of our grandparents were not anticipating the need to care for grandchildren, and they experienced considerable conflict with their migrant children who suddenly needed assistance with child-rearing. A second newly identified source of conflict centered on disagreements about where the grandchildren should be educated. In such cases, grandparents generally had lower aspirations for their grandchildren than did their adult children, especially when the grandparents were paying for the grandchildren’s education. A third discovery was conflict about the future living arrangements of the grandchildren. Several of the grandparents became very emotionally attached to their grandchildren and appreciated their assistance. These grandparents experienced or anticipated conflict when their adult children wanted their children to come home.

Styles of Managing Conflict

Our study also adds to the small body of literature regarding how grandparents manage conflict with their adult children. We found that one of the key approaches used by Thai grandparents to prevent conflict was to change their personal perspectives. This strategy is consistent with Mehta’s (2012) finding that grandparents used noninterference as a strategy to avoid conflict and maintain family harmony. As all our grandparents were Buddhist, their approach to contentious situations was likely shaped by Buddhist values. According to Podhisita (1998), Buddhist doctrine holds that, “Avoiding of open conflicts and control of one’s anger are considered to be not only an intelligent social response, but also a meritorious act” (p. 49). Furthermore, Buddhist beliefs about the law of karma hold that one’s existence in the present life is the outcome of one’s act in previous lives (Podhisita, 1998). Such beliefs are likely to help grandparents be more accepting of discord with their adult children while also providing hope that their situation will improve in the next life (Jianbin & Mehta, 2003). Buddhism’s focus on nonconfrontation and acceptance may have a considerable influence on Thai grandparents and may be one avenue by which they are able to prevent conflict with their adult children via secondary control.

Another key approach used by grandparents dealing with intergenerational conflict was to insist that their adult children change their behavior. In such instances, grandparents were using primary control. As such, our findings contrast with those of Mehta (2012) who found that grandparents dealt with conflict primarily through secondary control. There are at least two potential explanations for these contrasting findings. The first is that the grandparents in our skipped generation household study were in a more powerful position than were those in Mehta’s study, many of whom lived in a three-generation household, because their adult children depended on the grandparents to raise their children. Many of the adult children in our study also depended on the grandparents to pay for the care and education of their children. As such, grandparents in skipped generation households may have more ability to exert direct control on intergenerational relationships. The second potential explanation is that, based on Buddhist beliefs, the grandparents were counting on their adult children to change their own behavior. One Buddhist belief (called katanyu katavedi) is that adult children should be grateful to their parents and should have a sense of obligation toward them (Kespichayawattana, 1999). This expectation of gratitude and obligation would make it more likely that, if there was a disagreement between the grandparent and adult child, the adult child would change his or her behavior to maintain family harmony.

Limitations and Future Research Directions

Although this study resulted in a number of interesting discoveries, it also has some limitations. First, our study focused on understanding intergenerational conflict by interviewing grandparents. Future researchers should consider incorporating the perspectives of adult children as they seek to understand conflictual relationships between the generations. Second, relying on referrals from the VHVs to identify our sample may have skewed the sample in some ways. For future research, we suggest the use of multiple sources of referrals. Third, by including some conjoint interviews with spouses, it may be that the responses of one spouse influenced the other. Further consideration should be given to the benefits and costs of including spouses in conjoint interviews. Fourth, the variability in timing of migration of the adult children in our sample is quite large (from 6 months to 23 years). This variability might have an effect on the caregiving experiences of the grandparents. Future research should consider time since migration as a criterion in case selection. Fifth, we used qualitative methods to identify different kinds of intergenerational conflicts and styles of management. This methodology does not lend itself to making inferences about the extent to which these kinds of conflicts and management styles occur. Future research using survey methods could quantify how often these conflicts and styles of management occur. Finally, this study focused on identifying the range of conflicts but not on examining their consequences. We hope that others will continue this examination by exploring the relationships among intergenerational conflict, styles of management, relationship quality, and well-being. Understanding more about the dynamics of conflictual relationships is a critical first step in reducing discord and improving quality of life for older adults and their families.

Footnotes

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The authors declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding

The authors received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

ORCID iD

Kanchana Tangchonlatip

Note

Author Biographies

Kanchana Tangchonlatip is an assistant professor at the Institute for Population and Social Research, Mahidol University, Thailand. Her areas of interest are migration, urbanization, ageing and quality of life. Most recently, her research has focused on the impact of migration on the left behind, including older parents and children. In addition, she is interested in well-being and happiness. As a qualitative researcher, she focuses on understanding the socio-cultural context of her research participants.

Berit Ingersoll-Dayton is a professor Emerita of Social Work at School of Social Work, University of Michigan. She is interested in social support and clinical research with respect to families in later life. Her research focuses on interpersonal practice, mental health, family social support, gender differences, intergenerational relationships, elderly caregiver.

Sureeporn Punpuing is an associate professor at the Institute for Population and Social Research, Mahidol University. She is interested in longitudinal research designs which help understand the dynamic of migration relationship between migration, health and well-being for different population groups. Her research focuses on migration, ageing and labor issues.

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