Abstract
Romeo Romeo is the heart-wrenching and humorous story of Alexis “Lexy” Casano-Antonellis and Jessica Casano-Antonellis as they try to become parents. The documentary starts with video from Lexy and Jessica’s wedding and reception, followed by Lexy saying, “We got married. We were so incredibly in love. At that moment it seemed like all the hard parts were behind us. It seemed like everything was perfect, but there was one thing missing. I want to have a kid more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in the whole world.” And so begins the journey of Lexy and Jessica as they try to navigate their pathway to becoming parents. Romeo Romeo chronicles the couple’s experiences with fertility treatments, infertility, and “family” in an emotional, amusing, and gripping way that would be relatable to both undergraduate and graduate students alike.
Lexy and Jessica live in New York City, where Lexy is a nanny, runs a children’s choir, and sings at a hotel bar in Manhattan on weekends and Jessica is an account manager with a public relations firm. Lexy is clearly enamored with children and, as illustrated by the quote above, wants to be a mother more than anything. Jessica, on the other hand, admits that she never even considered having children until she met Lexy, and even then, she still has no desire to carry a child. After a brief history of Lexy and Jessica’s relationship, as told by their mothers, the couple begin to narrate their plans for their path to parenthood. Lexy explains how at first they thought it would be ideal to have a friend be the sperm donor. However, as the friend began to ask more questions (such as “What if you throw a fifth birthday party and I’m not invited?” and “What if you never ask me to babysit?”), Lexy and Jessica decided to go with an anonymous donor because it would be “safer.” We then see Lexy and Jessica at the computer talking about the characteristics (i.e., hair color, sports he plays, that he is a lefty, etc.) of their chosen sperm donor, and Lexy soon finds out the she is ovulating and goes for her first insemination while Jessica is away on a business trip. On her way to the doctor, Lexy describes how she and Jessica have spent their entire savings, around $6,000, on sperm and that they have the “family plan,” which means they can have one or two babies. These first few scenes would be useful in classes to discuss the stratification and barriers to achieving parenthood for certain groups of individuals. It could also be useful to discuss the language used when it comes to reproduction and family formation and how this is different for individuals who use fertility treatments. Lexy even points out that it seems really strange when you talk to other people about the process but notes that “it is the only way you can do it.”
The audience is then taken on the roller-coaster ride that becomes Lexy and Jessica’s life. The film shows the excitement of Lexy surprising Jessica about being inseminated and taking the first pregnancy test and then the heartbreaking reaction to the negative result. We see the same cycle repeated two additional times, each time more heartbreaking than the time before. After three failed inseminations, Jessica calls the doctor to find out the next steps. He recommends a new course of drugs (costing between $600 and $1,500) to help Lexy produce an extra egg or two.
After beginning the drug, Clomid, the fourth time that we see Lexy taking the pregnancy test has a noticeably different feel. Instead of the typical routine of going to the bathroom together, timing the test, and running to check the result together, Lexy and Jessica stand in the kitchen, almost somber. Lexy says, “It’s like painful this time period right now because I know what it is going to say and it’s still I have this little inkling of hope.” Then Jessica explains how they have not received any money back from insurance, so the next insemination would fully have to go on a credit card. She also says how they have only two more tries before they have to stop and save $10,000 before trying in vitro fertilization (IVF). After this discussion, Lexy takes the pregnancy test and it is once again negative. Lexy tries to remain positive but breaks down because she feels people are looking at her like something is wrong with her. Jessica is visibly hard on Lexy for not being able to get pregnant and makes comments throughout the film about the fact that she is not or cannot get pregnant. The filmmakers ask Jessica how she thinks this process is different for her than for Lexy, emotionally, and she tries to play it off by saying she is not as emotional as Lexy so that is the big difference, but she feels equally frustrated and is giving up hope. However, after the fifth time trying insemination, once again with a negative result, Jessica shows visible emotions about the process for the first time and completely breaks down. While waiting for the pregnancy test, Jessica starts crying that “it’s really going to be hard this time because everybody is pregnant. And I want to be pregnant too.” Scenes like this one would be useful for discussing infertility and its effects in general.
After the fifth negative insemination attempt, Lexy and Jessica apply for, and receive, an IVF grant. The documentary then shows the different injections and drugs Lexy has to take to prepare for IVF as well as the rigorous schedules (for example, injections at 3 a.m.) that must be followed. Lexy then suffers from unexpected complications from all the medications (having the “top 1% of response” to the drugs) and ends up in the hospital with enlarged ovaries, retained fluid, and over 40 eggs. The doctors are able to get Lexy back down into normal ranges in time to retrieve the eggs, and while most women are hoping for around 10 eggs, the doctors end up retrieving and fertilizing 35 eggs. After checking the progress of the embryos, the doctor ends up giving back two to Lexy. However, Lexy and Jessica are heartbroken once again when the they get a call saying that although there is a positive read on the pregnancy, the levels of hormone are low so there is only a 50-50 chance it could be carried to term. The pregnancy ends up not continuing normally, and Lexy has to go to the hospital to get a drug that will “flush out” the uterus.
At this point Lexy and Jessica state that they have probably spent $20,000 to this point and that they are out of sperm and money and are totally desperate, when Jessica’s friend Christopher says that he would be willing to be a sperm donor and their child’s biological father. Lexy says how they “may just hop on a plane, pack a turkey baster, if you will, and give it the old college try.” When Jessica and Lexy approach their doctor about switching to a known donor as their next step, he explains, in great detail, the “absolute and unequivocal requirement” of a six-month quarantine when using fresh sperm and continues, “A fresh sample insemination from, in quotation marks, but it’s true, an ‘at-risk’ population, because the homosexual community is an at-risk population, is doing exactly what the quarantine rules were set up to protect you from.” Finally, he says, while wagging his finger, “I don’t advise you to do it.” Despite the advice of their doctor, Lexy and Jessica continue with plans to use Christopher as a donor and consult with friends of friends—another lesbian couple, Annie and Kim—who conceived both of their children using the “turkey baster method.” This couple is very supportive of Lexy and Jessica’s plans and gives them advice and details about how to use/do things at home using fresh sperm.
These scenes could lead to interesting conversations about the medical community and how certain populations are treated within the medical field and how individuals find alternatives to medical information through their own social networks and word of mouth. In addition, classes could have discussions about how inequality could affect access to different opinions and types of information. For example, Lexy and Jessica are clearly well-educated and connected individuals who have no problem questioning the doctor and even pushing back after he says he does not advise them to follow the plan they have chosen. They are then able to find individuals who followed the same path they want to and seek them out for advice. This type of knowledge and network is not available to all individuals and, obviously, could lead to different outcomes for different types of people.
Soon after their discussion with Annie and Kim, Lexy and Jessica are on a plane to San Francisco. In San Francisco, we see Lexy; Jessica; Christopher; and Christopher’s partner, JJ, drinking wine and talking as they prepare to try insemination at home, with fresh sperm, for the first time. First, Christopher and JJ go into the bedroom, then Lexy and Jessica go into the bedroom, and then Lexy lies on the couch with her legs propped up on a pillow. After Lexy and Jessica get home, we return to the familiar scene of Lexy taking a pregnancy test and Lexy and Jessica waiting for the result. Unlike other times, however, Lexy runs ahead of Jessica and then runs back out, saying, “You’re not going to believe this!” The remainder of the documentary is Lexy and Jessica progressing through the pregnancy, and the documentary ends in the hospital after the birth of their son, Romeo.
This emotional and contemporary documentary hits on the themes of fertility, family, and inequality and would be an nice supplement, either in its entirety or in parts, to graduate or undergraduate courses on family, fertility, social problems, medical sociology, and inequality. Perhaps the documentary’s most clear application would be in courses on, or including, fertility and infertility. Although Lexy and Jessica are a lesbian couple, the themes and emotions surrounding the inability to get pregnant are not exclusive to them. As is stated in the description of the documentary, “Over 6 and a half million American women struggle with infertility. Lexy and Jessica’s story echoes that of some many couples—both gay and straight—who are grappling with the medical, financial, physical, and emotional challenges of infertility.” Not only could the documentary be used to supplement discussions and readings on different fertility procedures; it also offers an interesting look into the effects these procedures and their results can have on couples and families. For example, there are many times when Jessica makes comments about Lexy not being able to get pregnant. For example, Lexy even remarks, somewhat jokingly, “Our marriage is falling apart.” In addition, both Lexy and Jessica are open about how much money this whole process is costing them. They state numerous times that they have used all of their savings for this and even had to apply for a grant that made IVF, in their words, “almost affordable.” At the same time, Lexy and Jessica are obviously somewhat well off since they live in New York City. This documentary could be used as an excellent example illustrating the effects of stratification and inequality on pathways to parenthood. In addition, it could be useful for discussion on the ethics and equality of fertility treatments in general and then specifically for sexual minorities.
Perhaps more interesting could be the application of this documentary to discussions and courses on family, especially what it means to be a parent and the meaning of motherhood. Despite being a lesbian couple, Lexy and Jessica still subscribe to heteronormative ideas of family and what it means to be a parent. For example, while they are at Christopher and JJ’s house talking, Jessica remarks that they will go through the adoption process and she “will become the dad.” In addition, before they start the IVF process, both Jessica and Lexy comment that it is their biggest fear that the IVF will not work and then Jessica “will be up.” Jessica discusses how she does not have “that maternal desire to carry a baby” and how she feels very negatively about the idea of having to breastfeed. Lexy also comments that she would be insanely jealous and heartbroken because “all [her] life that’s all [she] ever wanted . . . was to be a mom.” Jessica quickly reminds her that she will still be a mom even if she does not carry the baby. Lexy responds, “Yeah I know but I wanted to, I want to carry it, I want to carry the baby. Yeah yeah of course I’ll still be a mom too. I didn’t mean it like that.” So although Lexy backtracks in a way, it is clear her immediate thought is that to be a mom, one has to carry the baby. Even just this small clip by itself could spark interesting discussions about what it means to be a mom today.
Despite the numerous strengths of the documentary, there are a few weaknesses worth noting. First, the timing of events in the documentary is not entirely clear. Although the audience is aware that a considerable amount of time passes between the beginning and end of the documentary, it is not clear exactly how much time. For example, there are scenes throughout the film that allude to the passage of time, such as footage from Christmas concerts, Halloween, putting on sunscreen and going to the beach, and switching clothes from summer to winter. Still, it remains unclear over how many (if multiple) years this process took. In addition, the documentary pays very little attention to the adoption process or the structural barriers (such as restrictive laws) that can apply to sexual minorities living in certain states. For example, in most states, same-sex adoption is made on a case-by-case basis by a judge; however, currently only 13 states (and Washington, D.C.) have statewide nondiscrimination protections for sexual orientation in adoption (Human Rights Campaign 2016). This is an important point that instructors may want to highlight during their discussion of the film. Furthermore, since the documentary was not specifically made for educational purposes, instructors would have to be deliberate and mindful in how they incorporate the film into their classes and how they structure discussions. For example, students may have no knowledge of how fertility treatments work, and while the documentary gives some information, supplemental reading or background information may have to be provided depending on what the instructor specifically wants students to take away from the film. Finally, on a functional note, there are no “chapters” in the DVD, so if instructors wanted to show only certain parts of the documentary, they would have to know the exact timing of each of the clips.
Overall, I found Romeo Romeo to be an entertaining, gripping, and well-made film. The documentary includes likeable characters and relatable themes, such as the desire to have children, and could be used to illustrate examples and supplement discussion on countless different topics in a variety of both undergraduate and graduate classes.