Approaches to Marital Conflict Resolution: A Perspective of Democratic Republic of Congo Migrants Living in Durban,South Africa

Abstract

The aim of this article is to expound on existing approaches to marital conflicts resolution among Congolese migrant families, their functioning, and their effectiveness. The theoretical framework within which this study is constructed is conflict transformation theory. This is a qualitative study involving in-depth interviews with 16 migrants comprising 8 men and 8 women from Democratic Republic of Congo living in Durban as well as two church leaders and two church counselors from where the participants were selected. Participants were identified in two selected Congolese migrant churches. The study found out that there are several approaches to marital conflict resolution. Negotiation and mediation were considered the most significant approaches used in resolving marital conflict among Congolese migrant families living in Durban. Culture matters in marital conflict resolution. Because of patriarchy, negotiation becomes a less effective approach to marital conflict resolution because the men believe they have the upper hand in marriage. Power is embedded in relationships, and negotiation has connotations of power relations and how power is distributed and dispensed in a given society. In circumstances in which women are emancipated, equality between men and women can be eventuated.

Keywords

approaches to marital conflict resolution migrants Democratic Republic of Congo Durban marriage family

Introduction

Worldwide, there is growing concern about the growing level of marital conflict and its serious impact on the functioning and sustainability of the family and society as a whole (Bacallao, Smokowski, & Rose, 2008). Studies conducted in the field of marital conflict demonstrate that it has spread out more in recent years as a result of a number of factors, which include migration. With increased migration, families are struggling to adjust to the host country’s lifestyle, while maintaining family cultural values and norms (Hyman, Guruge, & Mason, 2008), and this creates tension and frustration at the family level, thereby increasing marital conflicts (Olaoba, Anifowose, Yesufu, & Oyedolapo, 2010).

The extent of marital conflict differs from one country to the next and is explained by different factors. Among these are culture and economic conditions (Dawes, De Sass Kropiwnicki, Kafaar, & Richer, 2005; Firmin & Castle, 2008; Ho, Yin, & Wu, 2014; Mahrdad, 2002). Similarly, Mahrdad (2002) and Firmin and Castle (2008) show that despite some progress that has been made in developed and developing countries to fight and eliminate domestic conflict and marital conflict, marital conflict and violence in the household are high in many nations. This is a source of concern in many countries. Marital conflict is perceived as a threat to the stability and sustainability of the family, and numerous approaches have been developed in resolving marital conflict (Agbaw, 2009; Bendall, 2010).

In the country of origin, the extended family and the elders, who are the experts in conflict resolution and peace-making, have a big role and influence on family structure as well as marital conflict resolution. They are invited to play a mediatory role by putting an end to marital conflict and reconciling both conflicting parties. These key personalities use different methods to resolve marital conflict. The methods they use include mediation, dialogue, and reconciliation for peace building, and they have been found to be successful (Emanuel & Ndibwa, 2013; Olaoba et al., 2010). Separated from their extended families as result of migration, migrant families develop new methods of dealing with daily challenges, including marital conflict. One of the approaches, which the migrant families develop to deal with daily problems including marital conflict, is to increase migrant networks. Here networks are understood to be a set of social ties formed based on kindship, friendship, and common origin (Curran & Saguy, 2001).

Central to this article is investigating existing approaches to marital conflicts resolution among Congolese migrant families in terms of how they function as well as their effectiveness. In this case, marital approaches are investigated in connection with migration. The next section presents the literature review.

Literature Review

Marital conflict exists when one partner threatens another partner by using manipulative aggressive and violent behavior to control his/her partner. Valente (1995) argues that a batterer may abuse his victim by controlling her behavior. For instance, a husband may stalk his wife and watch her every move to prevent even casual social contact and may control her financial assets so that she may not access them.

In exploring different types of marital conflict and violence, let us briefly look at a few that are very common in societies: physical abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, and psychological abuse. Physical abuse can be seen as the use of physical violence by one partner against another (e.g., beating, yelling at one’s partner, etc.). In many countries, men use these types of violence as a means of controlling their partner. Physical abuse has been linked to culture for a long time (Kim & Emery, 2003). Culture has promoted that men are heads of households and that women may only take orders. In other words, men have the right to subordinate and violate women (American Bar Association, 2005). This assertion is supported by the findings of a study conducted in South Africa. American Bar Association (2005) states that 25% of women in South Africa have been physically abused and greatly disadvantaged, especially those who live in rural areas where gender role stereotypes are practiced (Vetten, 2005).

Numerous studies show that marital conflict is prevalent in many countries, both developed and developing, but the extent of marital conflict differs from one country to the next due to the many factors influence the differing extent of it (Dawes et al., 2005; Emery & Kim, 2003; Firmin & Castle, 2008; Forste & Flake, 2006; Ho et al., 2014; Jewkes, Levin, & Penn-Kekana, 2003; Kwon, Rueter, Lee, Koh, & Wha Ok, 2003; Luke, Schuler, Mai, Thien, & Minh, 2007; Naved, Azim, Bhuiya, & Persson, 2006; Naved & Persson, 2005). Mahrdad (2002) and Firmin and Castle (2008) show that despite some progress that has been made in developed and developing countries to fight and eliminate domestic conflict and violence in the household, marital conflict is high in many nations. In countries such as United States, Italy, and Korea and in African, European, and Asian countries, marital conflict is prevalent (Drachman, Kwon-Ahn, & Paulino, 1996; Lamb & Bougher, 2009; Straus, 2010). For instance, in the United States, a sample of 1,000 households was surveyed and the results of the study demonstrated that domestic conflict exists within families (Straus, 2010). In Italy, a study conducted by Ferro and Vignoli (2007) indicates that marital instability is very high in the society. The findings demonstrate that there are a number of factors influencing marital instability in Italy. For instance, for women, having high socioeconomic status become a pivotal aspect that destabilizes marriages, as well as high education, qualified occupational activities, and greater independence from the roles of mother and wife. The findings demonstrate that women born in more recent decades run a higher risk of experiencing marital instability (Ferro & Vignoli, 2007).

Naved et al. (2006) summarized the literatures from 15 societies around the world on the extent of marital conflict and grouped them into four levels. The findings conclude that South Asia falls in the high category of spousal physical abuse, particularly against women. The study also states that many studies from South Asia show that 40% of women reported physical abuse by their husband. The results from seven Indian cities reveal that 40% of the women witnessed at least one form of physical abuse in their lifetime. In Pakistan, 35% of the women in rural Punjab and 55% in highly developed peri-urban sites reported being beaten by their husbands. In Sri Lanka, 32% of physical abuse against women was reported (Naved et al., 2006). The same study reveals that in Bangladesh, 40% of urban and 42% of rural women reported to have experienced physical abuse by their male partners. In addition, the study has shown higher levels of wife abuse by husbands who had either been beaten themselves as children or witnessed their mothers being beaten by their father. This may occur as a result of the lack of emotional development or simply as a consequence of learning physical strategies to cope with conflict (Naved & Persson, 2005).

The South African Police Service estimated that 80% of women living in rural areas are victims of marital conflict (Vetten, 2005). Abrahams, Jewkes, Hoffman, and Laubsher (2004) point out that although women commit some abuses, domestic violence is most commonly perpetrated by men against women and cuts across class, age, religion, and ethnicity.

According to the Commission for Gender Equality, domestic violence in South Africa is prevalent amongst all racial and socioeconomic grouping but tends to be more severe amongst Black communities, which are also plagued by other social problems such as crime, unemployment, and poverty and the loss of civil identity (Kubeka, 2008).

Bendall (2010) further contends that both females and males can be victims as well as perpetrators of domestic conflict. Violence disrupts family life, affecting both males and females. Evidence shows that females often fall victim to marital violence at the hands of their own husbands. Marital violence is violence experienced within the confines of some marital arrangements and is inflicted by either spouse against the other.

The study conducted among Vietnamese by Luke et al. (2007) reveals that the number of factors influencing the use of marital conflict is numerous. These factors include traditional gender roles and lower resources or status (e.g., husbands with lower resources or status than their wives are more likely to abuse their spouses). Furthermore, the results from the same study demonstrate that violence in marital relationships is a socially acceptable behavior in Vietnam, perpetrated by men with the objective to enforce traditional roles. This has been shown in the findings where about 80% of women and 63% of men reported that in some situations, violence against women is justified. The situations were identified by both men and women as disrespecting or talking back to a husband or his family, disobeying a husband, or being unfaithful to a husband (Luke et al., 2007). Forste and Flake (2006) observe that there are many factors influencing the use of marital conflict and violence: Family size might be an important factor influencing abuse because of the high fertility rate; alcohol use, which means that alcohol has negative effects on people’s perceptions and judgment that interact with a complex set of social and psychological factors to result in violence in certain cases; economic status, implying that families who are poor are more likely to experience violence than families who are not; decision-making power, regardless of whether the man or woman dominated the decision making, the study demonstrated that outbreaks of violence are most prevalent among nonegalitarian couples; and education, the study demonstrated that educational attainment of men or women influences the use of violence (Forste & Flake, 2006).

For instance, women who have more education than their partners have a high risk of abuse because gender roles require that husbands have more education than their wives. However, men with higher levels of education than their wives are also more likely to become violent, which means that men with higher levels of education possess more resources, which means they have ability to use force (Forste & Flake, 2006). It can be deduced that either way—whether men have more education than their wives or vice versa—women bear the brunt of male violence.

Kim and Emery (2003) add that many societies around the world have a strong tradition of patriarchal families. Within the household, the husband is considered to be the head/breadwinner of the family and has the authority to make decisions about all matters. The role of a woman is to concentrate on the home and be obedient to her husband. Therefore, when a woman breaks this traditional norm or neglects her responsibilities within the family structure, the husband’s use of violence to correct her behavior is considered to be legitimate (Kim & Emery, 2003).

Studies conducted in the field of migration and marital conflicts show a close relationship between migration and marital conflicts. Hyman et al. (2008) conducted a study on married, divorced, and separated Newcomer Ethiopian immigrants in Toronto with specific reference to the impact of migration changes on marital relationships. Their research uncovered “high rates of marital conflict, divorce and intimate partner violence in the migrants and refugee community” (pp. 150).

Espin (2010) adds that immigrants often experience higher incidences of marital conflict and violence than nonimmigrants because their relationships are often marked by severe distress due to previous trauma and the stress of relocation and isolation from families (Espin, 2010).

Literature on migration and marital conflicts shows a number of factors causing marital conflicts among migrant couples. For instance, migration can lead to identity crises among immigrants. Additionally, the culture shock that migration creates can lead to great strain and stress. Migration creates frustration, and family members will come into conflict with one another (Richter-Devroe, 2008) because of instability between a man and a woman, which affects their marriage (Hyman et al., 2008). Economic conditions can also aggravate marital conflict (International Dialogue on Migration, 2014).

Marital conflicts among migrant families have been found to have social, psychological, and educational effects on the children of divorced parents. Divorced spouses also experience loneliness, stress, and strain that can affect their psychological well-being and economic state (Hakizimana, 2014). Heavey, Christensen, and Malamuth (1995) advanced that marital conflict among migrant families has longer term effects for the couple. Noller, Feeney, Bonnell, and Callan (1994) found that in addition to these negative effects on couples, marital conflict increases negative behavior, which decreases marital satisfaction for both spouses, which in turn creates divorce and separation (Noller et al., 1994).

Different approaches have been developed in dealing with violent and nonviolent conflict and these include conflict resolution.

Conflict resolution is a complex field, which attempts to achieve the resolution of many kinds of conflicts, including marital. Based on their causes and negative consequences, it is suggested that practical steps must be applied to work on their resolution regardless of the level and nature of the conflict. Conflict resolution as defined by Mayer (2000) deals with attempting to end the conflict in such a way that both parties are satisfied with the outcome and stop all violent actions against each other. In the context of traditions in African countries, which do not necessarily apply to all global countries, the extended family has great influence and control on family structure and gender responsibilities. Due to separation from the extended family as result of migration, the role of a woman may also change, leading to greater “freedom and autonomy of women” (Hugo, 1987). As migrant women feel that they are moving away from the immediate traditional and often patriarchal control, this may generate behavioral changes that increase tension and conflicts because men still hold on to their positions of control (Hugo, 1987). In the country of origin, conflicts are settled through extended family structures. The head of the family initiates the process for resolving domestic conflict by playing the role of facilitator. He talks to both sides, listens to their concerns, uses his wisdom to convince each side to stop fighting, and advises them on how to resolve their differences (Olaoba et al., 2010). In the event of any difficulties, he calls on a clan meeting, led by the head of the clan, to play the role of reconciling conflicting parties (Emanuel & Ndibwa, 2013).

The elders, who are the experts in conflict resolution and peace-making, are invited to play a mediatory role by putting an end to marital conflict and reconciling both conflicting parties. These key personalities use different methods to resolve marital conflict. Methods include mediation, dialogue, and reconciliation for peace building (Emanuel & Ndibwa, 2013). Dialogue, mediation, and reconciliation methods of resolving marital conflict were found to be successful. They help the mediator to listen to and provide opportunities to meet the needs of all parties, and adequately address their interests so that each party is satisfied with the outcome (Emanuel & Ndibwa, 2013; Olaoba et al., 2010).

Separated from the extended family, migrant families develop new methods of dealing with daily challenges. Modern and traditional approaches are also employed to resolve marital conflict. One of the approaches, which families develop, is to increase migrant networks. Networks are sets of social ties formed based on kinship, friendship, and common origin. These become the source of reliance in times of difficulties.

Migrants use different methods of dealing with family conflict in the host country. These include the assistance of family members. The method is used by migrants as an important source of economic support and viability, especially for families that have limited financial resources. This method is found to be helpful in reducing family conflicts and in uniting all family members (Johnson, 1998). It includes sponsoring family members, even distant and less known ones, to ascertain that kin are available to help out in the future, and forming kin networks in which in-laws are treated as substitutes for siblings or parents. “Reciprocal help, inherent in kin-based households, is expected in these variant households” (Kibria, 1993, p. 5).

Hugo (1987) advances that migrants create social networks between the host country and their country of origin by maintaining a flow of communication with their extended family back home. Social networks between countries created by migrants assist them in resolving their family conflict. Extended family members back home advise them on how to resolve conflict between them in the host country. These networks are influenced by migrants themselves and can be “carried back home by the migrants themselves when they return periodically or permanently to their country of origin, or they can flow back to their country of origin through letters, phone calls and other means” (Hugo, 1987, pp. 22-29).

Most migrants establish these networks, which play an increasingly important role in bringing about change among migrant families and their communities in host countries. By virtue of their accessibility, social media such as WhatsApp are connecting families within and outside the host countries through the relaying of messages to resolve conflicts. The same platforms have the potential to exacerbate and worsen the situation especially if the issues are unfounded and based on rumors. Therefore, such platforms can make or break relations as much as they can assist in resolving conflicts. Their main advantage is the quick flow of information from person to person irrespective of location depending on connectivity.

Theoretical Framework

This study is guided by conflict transformation theory. This theory tries to build and restore a good relationship between two parties in conflict, or to build one if there was none (Fisher et al., 2003). Lederach (1995) argues that social conflict started by two persons engaged in relationships and the transformation of such conflict will involve the need to change and transform the mindset of both parties involved in the conflict. In a similar vein, Best (2006) argues that conflict transformation goes beyond conflict resolution because it builds longer lasting relationships and takes conflict away from violence and toward personal development.

Conflict transformation theory helps us understand how a conflicting relationship between individuals and groups can be transformed from a hostile to a peaceful relationship. Theorists such as Burton (1990) and Lederach (2003) argue that conflict transformation theory is important in addressing the issue of conflict. Conflict transformation theory focuses on change and the processes of the conflict rather than on explanations about why conflict occurs. Conflict transformation theory focuses on changing relationships between conflicting parties, changing expectations and shifting the environment in which they exist, as well as building and rebuilding the relationship between conflicting parties to create an enabling environment for forgiveness and reconciliation (see Galtung, 1998; Isenhart & Spangle, 2000).

The theory aims at ensuring the restoration of order and harmony in the community. In the context of this Durban-based study, transformational theory will assist in understanding approaches used by migrant families from Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) in solving marital conflict and how such approaches help in transforming conflict into positive or constructive relationships.

Research Methodology

This is a qualitative study, employing an interpretive approach. The target group for this study were men and women married, divorced, or separated, from Congolese migrant community living in Durban. The participants in this study were selected because of their own experiences in marriage using purposive sampling.

In this study, face-to-face in-depth interviews with eight men and eight women married, divorced, or separated, from Congolese migrant families were undertaken. Equal representation of men and women was considered appropriate to allow an equal proportion of the voices of men and women to be heard. The voices of men and women are reflected in the results of this study. Respondents in this study were identified through two churches. These churches were selected because of the large number of Congolese men and women among the congregants. As participation was voluntary, the number of participants from each church was determined by the availability and willingness to participate. In addition, interviews were conducted with people who are involved in assisting or advising individuals who experience marital conflict, such as the leaders from the two selected churches and two counsellors within these churches. In-depth interviews with participants in this category helped to understand respondents’ views with regard to marital conflict in the context of migration, not only as member of the migrant community from DRC but also as people who deal with the challenges of marital conflict. Open questions gave the participants the opportunity to speak their minds and thoughts on marital conflict.

The interviews were conducted in English, French, and Swahili. Ethical clearance was granted by the Ethics Committee of the University of KwaZulu-Natal, and its strict guidelines were followed throughout the project. All protocols were followed to ensure sound research is undertaken.

Findings

First, this section provides the findings of the study on the existing approaches to marital conflict resolution among Congolese migrant families living in Durban, and second, it reflects on the effectiveness of those approaches. Findings show that there are a number of approaches and methods in resolving marital conflict that were found to be successful such as mediation, negotiation, “forgetting” about the issues, and communication and dialogue methods of resolving marital conflict. These approaches are discussed in more detail in the following section.

Mediation as Method for Marital Conflict Resolution

The findings show that mediation was mostly considered as the last option when both partners have not been able to solve their differences on their own. As indicated by Fisher et al. (2003), mediation is used when two individuals have a disagreement and a third person such as family member or friend intervenes to help them clarify the problem and talk about it rather than fight over it. Mediation is assistance by third party where the parties to a conflict admit that they have a problem, which they are both committed to solving, in which the mediator manages a negotiation process but does not impose a solution on the parties (Best, 2006). Mediation is similar to seeking a third opinion based on the mediator’s perceived experience in this matters and the respectability and reverence accorded to him/her by the disputants. The mediator is assumed fair with no vested interest in the matter. If that condition is broken, the results of the mediation maybe disregarded by the disputants, thus throwing the matter back to the conflictual status quo. Thus, the credibility of the mediator will be at stake, that is, questioned by one of the parties.

Mediation must be free and fair, which implies that disputants must engage in mediation of their own free will and the “judgment” by the mediator must be viewed by both parties to be fair. Fairness implies not favoring any party and being impartial. The so called judgment is not binding; hence mediation is a voluntary process to solve a problem initiated by disputants themselves or by third parties should they come to know about the conflict between parties with whom they are in some form of friendship or familial or collegial relationship.

Examining how the mediation works among Congolese migrant families living in Durban, the findings have shown that there are different levels of mediation and participants had different choices of the mediator. Most of the participants indicated that when a marital conflict has reached a deadlock where a couple have not been able to solve conflict on their own, they mostly approach a church leader or church counsellor.

Church leaders have been indicated as the most trusted people to mediate in marital conflict by both men and women who participated in this study. Many of the participants believe that church leaders not only provide support in ending marital conflict but also give psychological and emotional support to couples. This is encapsulated in the following excerpt:

When a wife and her husband are not able to solve their own problem. They need help if they want to continue with their marital relationship. You will find that most of them have already children together and it is difficult to separate. For mediation, as you know, in a foreign country you have no uncle or grandparents to whom you can run to, but the church is there for everyone. In most of the cases, if a husband and his wife cannot resolve their differences, they then seek help from a church leader. You know, church leaders are more confidential. They do not only help deal with your problem with your wife or husband, but at the end of the problem, they also give psychological and emotional support to both the wife and the husband. The only problem is when you find that the wife is going to the church while the husband is not going. In that case, it becomes a challenge to have a solution to the conflict. Church leaders do not only solve the problem, but they also make sure that they make a follow-up and always invite couples for meetings and they do home visits and this helps the couple to rebuild their relationship and move forward with their lives. (Participant 4, female, aged 45, married)

Different forms of associations for men or women have been implemented at the church level:

You do not deal with the problem when it occurs while you know that it can happen at any time. In our church, we have established an organization and it is chaired by a church counsellor to deal with social issues including family and marriage in particular. As you know most of our congregants are refugees and are facing many problems. The best solution is to put preventive measures. That is why we have established this organization for men or women to discuss family issues. (Counsellor 2, male, aged 48, married)

Both church leaders and church counsellors add that they are always approached by members of the congregation when there are unresolved misunderstandings between couples. Counselling was also provided after a couple has undergone the mediation process; this is used as means of following up, and keeping in contact with the couple in marital conflict, to assist them restore their relationship.

There are many ways in which you can assist people restore their relationship. One of them is to bring them together so that they can discuss their own problem and find a solution, but this does not end there, you need to make follow-ups, to see if this conflict does not occur again. We also involve them in prayers and different activities of the church, so they feel reconnected again. (Pastor 1, male, aged 58, married)

Beyond, mediation, follow-ups are carried out to ensure that couples do not regress in their relationship. They are important to ensure that the same problem does not recur in the future. In the circumstances of Congolese migrants in Durban, the church has taken over the role of aunties and uncles within an extended family context as a new form of mediator emerges in a host country based on need. This is does not mean that in countries of origin churches do not play this role. This represents an extension of the role of the church in a host country. The church becomes the platform or center for marital conflict resolution.

Negotiation as Method for Marital Conflict Resolution

Added to mediation, negotiation also was considered by the participants in this study as another method used in marital conflict resolution. Miller (2003) states that negotiation is “communication, usually governed by preestablished procedures, between representatives of parties involved in a conflict or dispute” (p. 25). The goal of negotiation, according to Mayer (2000), is an “interaction in which people in conflict try to meet their needs by reaching an agreement through joint decision making” (p. 142).

Examining how negotiation is used in resolving marital conflict among Congolese migrant families living in Durban, the findings from face-to-face in-depth interviews show that respondents believed there is a little space for negotiation between wife and husband. Participants believed that while there are social and economic issues affecting the couple, the distribution of gender power between men and women remains a challenge. On one hand, in some cases, a man does not want to negotiate with a woman believing that due to cultural reasons, the man has nothing to negotiate with a woman on matters that are perceived to be within his control. According to a participant,

As a man, you do not negotiate with a woman in all matters. Our culture does not allow us to negotiate with a woman. As a man and as head of the household, you do not ask your wife for permission on when and how to do things. Too much negotiation makes you lose your responsibility as head of the family. (Participant 5, male, aged 50, married)

Culture has a role to play in marital conflict resolution. Because of patriarchy, negotiation becomes a less effective approach to marital conflict resolution because the men believe they have the upper hand in marriage if not the final word in marital arrangements. Thus, negotiation has connotations of power relations and how power is distributed and dispensed in a given society. In this case, context matters. It is necessary to unpack circumstances in which negotiation can be futile as in this case. On the other hand, women have a different position with regard to negotiation. Because of the economic conditions, most women among Congolese migrant couples are financially independent. Therefore they felt that is not very important to negotiate with men on issues concerning economic disputes, around money. In circumstances in which both men and women as migrants and refugees are excluded from the mainstream economy and all of them have to find ways to survive, a situation has developed in which women have taken up jobs that were meant for men and have taken up men’s responsibilities in the house and beyond. The income-earning capacity of women has put them in a different position with regard to negotiation between men and women on issues affecting their relationship.

Things have changed. Woman, now can do what man used to do. Men can no longer dictate to a woman what to do while a woman is no longer dependent on him. A woman can make money as a man does. Yes, I agree that negotiating in the family is crucial, but no one can dictate what to be done, because you believe that your culture has taught you that. You can negotiate with a man on some issues, but others not. That is why many families among Congolese migrant families are burning down. Men still believe that they can dictate women but now women are standing their ground. Women can look after the families and make money as men do. Negotiating should also be 50-50. (Participant 6, female, aged 40, married)

When women feel emancipated economically, they tend to believe that they can negotiate on an equal footing with men. Due to their economic independence, women have also reclaimed their social independence. Social independence is made with reference to the new freedom from cultural entanglements and imbroglios, which relegated them to a subordinate status to men due to patriarchy. Social independence reaffirms the equality that exists between men and women.

Communication and Dialogue

Added to negotiation is communication and dialogue. As noted by Best (2006), communication is an essential ingredient of peace-building. It has also become a key strategy of conflict management. Most of the nonviolent methods of conflict management, such as collaboration, negotiation, mediation, conciliation, arbitration, and adjudication, are largely dependent on effective communication. According to Mayer (2000), when two or more people try to initiate voluntary dialogue about meeting their needs, there is a need to communicate. Communication opens the space for conflicting parties to hear the views and concerns of the other party so to allow a climate of understanding and late cooperation. Better communication and dialogue can open up avenues for collaboration between couples.

Isenhart and Spangle (2000) assert that collaboration process means, “the way people work together with one another in a mutually beneficial manner” (p. 45). Collaborating also means working together on a number of identified common issues, which intensifies communication and activities between them. The researcher was interested in understanding how communication or dialogue is used as a method of resolving marital conflict among Congolese migrant families living in Durban.

The method I use to resolve problems is to calm down when I am angry after our disagreement. I then communicate with my wife what can be the solution, then try to meet her needs in order to prevent the conflict to happen in future. (Participant 8, male, aged 41, married)

Communication is important as it underpins both mediation and negotiation. There cannot be mediation and negotiation without communication. The findings from the interviews also have shown that there is little communication and dialogue among many couples. The researcher was further interested in understanding why there is limited level of communication and dialogue. There were mixed responses to the enquiry. Some of the participants believed that stress associated with living conditions makes it difficult for effective communication and dialogue. Others believed that the power struggle between men and women makes it difficult for them to communicate effectively. All 16 participants interviewed from both selected churches with both church leaders and church counsellors agreed that the use of dialogue among couples to resolve their marital conflict is important and effective because partners find a common way to resolve such issues and learn how to avoid such issues in the future. As such, conflict resolution is dialogic.

Other Methods of Conflict Resolution: Forget About the Issues

Methods of marital conflict resolution enumerated by a few of participants were to forget about the issues and move on, not to be stubborn with the person you love, and to reconcile with your partner after conflict by asking each other’s forgiveness. Other methods provided by participants were to pray to God to assist them in their marriage, to be patient about all problems occurring in their family, and to continue to do good things in order to build harmony between them.

Sharing of tasks by several members of the household and creating social networks were the other methods used by migrants in the host country as a solution to difficulties. Migrants use this method by marrying to create kinship ties that are helpful in difficult times. It includes sponsoring relatives, even distant and less known ones, to ensure that relatives are available to help in the future. Reciprocal help is inherent in kin-based households and is expected in these variant households (Kibria, 1993).

The findings from this study revealed that they are persons who intervenes in cases of marital conflict; these include church leaders, members of the extended family, friends, and community leadership, including the police. The intervention of the police in solving marital conflict is accorded little importance within Congolese migrant families and is not considered as an option in marital conflict resolution. The following excerpt is illuminating:

Some people say, if a man beats you, you have to report to the police. Why report to them. The police cannot make my relationship with my husband happy. If we do not agree between us, I better leave him in peace. (Participant 8, female, Aged 38, married)

Discussion

Evidence from this study is suggesting that people in a desperate situation look upon the church and church leaders as solution. Personal interviews with participants showed that church leaders are seen as most trusted persons who can give lasting solutions to marital conflict. Not only are they able to provide advice, but also according to the participants, they also offer counseling and follow up on progress of marital relationship. According to participants, they believed seeking advice and help from a church leader makes one feel good because of the prayers accompanying the advice. It is important to note that from both churches from which participants were selected, structures focusing solely on building families and marriages have been established. These services bring together married couples and those who are planning marriage, advising how to undergo skills transfer on becoming a better wife or husband. Here, communication skills and relationship building are important and are at the center of the discussion.

Furthermore, the majority of Congolese migrants living in Durban are Christian: Thus, the Christian church plays an important role in the lives of migrant communities in general and Congolese in particular. Apart from seeking help from church leaders most of the participants, all being Christians, explained they all have what they called Godmother and Godfather who may be living in South Africa or back home in DRC: when they face marital challenges, they turn to them.

The personal interviews done with all categories who participated in the research indicated that friends also intervene in the case of marital conflict. It is worth noting that some members of the migrant community from DRC living in Durban have established associations and these mostly are organized under the church umbrella where members meet and share different views and problems.

Most of Congolese migrant living in Durban has at least one relative or more.

During the informal conversations with some respondents, they indicated that they have extended family members. They continue to keep contact with their extended family back home in DRC, and this communication continues to play a critical role in their daily decision making. Community leaders in Durban also play an important role in mediating between wife and husband. Most of the respondents had one or more members of their ethnic group on whom they rely.

In responses to whether the methods used in solving marital conflict among Congolese migrant families living in Durban are effective, the comments from the respondents showed that mediation was identified as the key method to marital conflict resolution. For instance, one of the church leaders recited the case of couples who were on the verge of divorce because the husbands were sending money home without the partner’s consent. Those marriages were restored due to the intervention of church leaders. Now the couples are living peacefully. On one hand, most of the participants indicated that they have been involved in or have heard of mediation and how it was useful in solving marital conflict. Brand-Jacobsen and Jacobsen (2002) state that the role of mediator is to serve as medium, helping to facilitate dialogue, act as go-between to the involved parties to the conflict, and bring them to a resolution. The solution to the problem must be one that comes from the conflicting parties themselves. On the other hand, participants indicated that while mediation has been effective in settling marital conflict among Congolese migrant families living in Durban, it also faces some challenges. One of the challenges is the acceptance of both parties involved in the conflict to opt for mediation as a means to resolve their differences. One party may refuse. As Brand-Jacobsen and Jacobsen, (2002) indicate, mediation is possible and effective when the two conflicting parties are willing to participate in the process and conflicting parties agree upon the choice of the mediator.

While mediation proved to be useful in resolving marital conflict among Congolese migrant families, the findings from the study indicated that resolution through negotiation by the couples themselves was also effective. They believed in finding their own solution, and if they were not able to do so on their own through dialogue, they could seek mediation and counseling from a trusted person—in most of the cases, a friend, a member of the extended family, or a church leader.

Approaches in solving marital conflict are not different from those for any other form of conflict.

In order to resolve marital conflict, it is important to turn negative conflict to a positive one. This resonates with the theory of conflict transformation. Marital conflict like any other conflict must be transformed into a harmonious relationship if the family or society has to function and play meaningful roles.

While conflict transformation practitioners and academics applaud the theory of transformation, they all share the same view that its application is complex and differs from community to community. For instance, traditional society differs from modern society in the way conflict is resolved. On the other hand, conflict transformation practitioners and academics share the view that in both traditional and modern societies, conflict resolution and transformation involve three critical stages and these include mediation, negotiation, and arbitration (Brand-Jacobsen and Jacobsen, 2002; Olaoba et al., 2010).

Arbitration has not been emphasized in this case because it involves a third party whose ruling should be binding on the parties involved. It is clear that arbitration in relationships may be difficult to implement because it lacks the force of law. Importantly, relationships such as these involving love cannot be regulated by law. As such, it can be surmised that arbitration is inappropriate because it appears legalistic, as its outcome should be binding. This may cause estrangement if one of the parties remains aggrieved by the ruling.

For mediation to take place, we note, the following necessary conditions: It must be voluntary, involve give and take, and be mutual, uncompetitive, reciprocal, and cohesive. In other words, the process must not be divisive and fragmenting. It involves being open-minded and factual. It will always involve two parties. In the context of Congolese migrant families in Durban, mechanisms have been established to resolve marital conflict.

While marital conflict resolution is settled through extended family structures headed by the head of the family in the country of origin, church leadership has replaced this in the host country. During the analysis of the findings, it was apparent that the church as an institution plays a very critical role.

Conclusion

It is shown throughout this study that there are several approaches to marital conflict resolution, but mediation, negotiation, and communication were considered as the key ones. Concerning the person who intervenes in solving marital conflict among Congolese migrant families in Durban, the church plays an important role, meaning the church leader or any trusted person within the church. The church is important among the Congolese migrant community in Durban. Members of the extended family also play an important role in mediating between wife and husband. Most of the respondents have one or more family member and have established more social networks that help them deal with different problems including marital conflict. In this article, they were not mentioned at all.

Footnotes

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my postdoctoral supervisor Professor Oliver Mtapuri for the strength, mentoring, inspiration, patience, and advice you provided me. I thank you so much for your time, encouragement, wisdom, guidance, and support. My appreciation also goes to the University of KwaZulu-Natal, for having afforded me the opportunity to develop and advance academically.

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding

The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

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