Familiarity and Separation in the Use of Communication Technologies in South African Migrant Families

Abstract

We explored the experiences of South African families across the racial divide regarding the burden of care of elderly parents of their emigrating children. The emergence of information and communication technologies has transformed these families’ abilities to stay connected despite distance and enables family members to maintain relationships of care in spite of physical separation. Total 23 families participated in the interviews of this qualitative study. We followed a family systems theoretical approached and analyzed the data according to the thematic analysis method developed by Braun and Clarke. The results reveal ambiguous relationships with technology, either positive or alienating and lacking intimacy. This article hopes to add to the emergent body of knowledge exploring the experiences of transnational families, as well as to underscore the manifold nature of human relationships in our increasing technological world.

Keywords

communication family processes global/international immigration/migration qualitative intergenerational

Introduction

The role of new forms of communication in maintaining family relationships across distance has been explored by a number of researchers (see, e.g., Baldassar 2007a, 2007b, 2008, 2016; Horst, 2006; Madianou, 2016; Marchetti-Mercer, 2012a, 2012b, 2016, 2017; Wilding, 2006). The focus of this research is the so-called “transnational” families, in other words, families separated by migration, but where those who have emigrated still maintain strong links with those left behind (Glick, 2010; Silver, 2011).

Bacigalupe and Cámara (2012), exploring the role of information and communication technologies (ICTs) and family relationships, highlight the limitations of the current psychotherapeutic approaches to the migratory experiences. They point out that clinical assessment and interventions based on the immigrant family literature have mainly focused on two specific psychological constructs. The first, more psychoanalytical, construct emphasizes the loss and grief experienced by migrants. This was later developed into the more comprehensive idea of ambiguous loss (as evidenced by the work of Boss, 2016). The second, social psychological, perspective focuses on the process of acculturation and the concurrent acculturative stress experienced by migrants (as illustrated in the work of Berry, 1997). These approaches have consequently led to a “deficit-based framework” when conceptualizing the psychology of migration. This resonates with the views of Palmary (2018) who also questions whether movement necessarily implies loss.

The latter, in her recent work exploring the relationship of psychology with migration studies, states that there is “very little work within migration studies that can directly be identified as psychology—with the exception of the trauma interventions with refugee communities” (Palmary, 2018, p. 4). Her argument may fail to take into consideration the extensive research on the impact of migration on families and their functioning which has been carried out in the field of family therapy (see, e.g., Falicov, 2005, 2007; Sluzki, 1979; Yahirun & Arenas, 2018). However, in her argument that psychology could make an important contribution within the area of research on transnational families, she does resonate with Bacigalupe and Cámara’s (2012) belief that exploring the role of ICTs in keeping families connected has the “potential for transforming the psychology of immigration” (p. 1435).

Our work highlighting South African transnational families will hopefully contribute to this important emerging focus of research. Consequently, this article will focus on specific results that emerged from a larger research study which explored the impact of emigration of adult children/grandchildren from South Africa on their elderly parents.

Theoretical Overview

The concept of transnationalism was first described by Schiller, Basch, and Blanc-Szanton (1992) referring to a new type of migrating population which has at its disposal networks, activities, and ways of life that reflect both their host countries and countries of origin (Marchetti-Mercer, 2017). Transnational families “live some or most of the time separated from each other yet hold together and create something that can be seen as a feeling of collective welfare and unity, namely ‘familyhood’, even across national borders” (Bryceson & Vuorela, 2002, p. 3). This conceptual framework is helpful in addressing the relationship between those who emigrate and those who stay behind. It recognizes the fact that “once migrants travel across the border, their families do not cease to be active influences in their lives” (Silver, 2011, p. 213). This is in contrast to many past studies in the field of migration and families which seem to have paid limited attention to the experiences of those left behind, while foregrounding the stresses associated with leaving one’s country of origin (Marchetti-Mercer, 2012b, 2016; Silver, 2011).

However, the impact of the emigration of adult children on parents left behind is far-reaching and encompasses both financial and psychological factors. A substantial aspect of this research has focused on the role of financial remittances, although this is not often prevalent in South African emigrant families (Marchetti-Mercer, 2012b).

Of more relevance to our research has been the negative emotional impact on those left behind, often evident in feelings of loss, loneliness, and isolation (King & Vullnetari, 2006; Knodel & Saengtienchai, 2007; Miltiades, 2002). This at times has been described by L. Grinberg and R. Grinberg (1989) as comparable to “a death” (p. 67). Moreover, this is often experienced as “an ambiguous loss” as those mourned are no longer physically close but still psychologically present (Boss, 1991, 1999) causing further stress.

Despite these far-reaching psychological impacts, researchers such as Baldassar (2007b) have argued that parents and migrant children can maintain “mutually supportive relationships across time and space” (p. 406). Baldock (2000) has also argued that physical separation does not necessarily limit the possibility of adult children who have migrated to perform caregiving duties toward their elderly parents. These are made possible, amongst others, by physical visits that have been made easier by the accessibility to international travel, as well as the development of new communication technologies as opposed to old ways such as writing letters and expensive telephone calls.

Our focus in this article is on the role of ICTs as they seem to be increasingly at the core of this experience of migration (Bacigalupe & Cámara, 2012; Hamel, 2009). Migrant families are now able to maintain transnational networks and retain relational ties across distances in ways that could not have been previously imagined.

Hertlein (2012) has a multidimensional framework for examining the role that technology plays in the lives of couples and families. This is based on the assumption that technology has the potential to both positively and negatively impact upon these relationships (Hertlein & Ancheta, 2014). This framework also holds value for those technology-related issues in couple and family relationships which seem to have arisen in recent years, such as online infidelity, online pornography, and internet addiction, amongst others (Francisco, 2015).

Overviewing some of the developments in the role of ICTs in the lives of transnational families, Marchetti-Mercer (2017) highlights the work of Wilding (2006) who suggested that ICTs may assist families in “constructing or imagining a ‘connected relationship’, which in a way enables them to overlook their physical separation by time and space—even if only temporarily” (p. 132). The ability to hear a person’s voice and to exchange communications in real time is experienced as paramount by migrants and their families in order to maintaining relationships (Horst, 2006).

This is what Baldassar (2008) calls a “virtual co-presence” (p. 252) that has been made possible, not only by enhanced communication but also by the possibility of visits. This has led to the possibility of mutually supportive relationships of care (Baldassar, 2007b).

Francisco (2015) raises the importance of the “visual” aspect of some of these most recent technologies in order to maintain relationships. This is in a sharp contrast to the days where letters were the sole means of communication, and “the infrequency of this type of communication left migrants feeling isolated and detached from their families” (Francisco, 2015, p. 6). New forms of family interactions are now allowing regular communication despite geographical separation (Nedelcu, 2012).

A transnational perspective automatically leads to a focus not only on those who emigrate but also on the whole family, including those left behind, acknowledging the “continuous relationship” that these families maintain (Bacigalupe & Cámara, 2012). Furthermore, by incorporating ICTs in family members’ lives, the limits of individualistic and simplistic models are highlighted.

However, some researchers have argued that human relationships still need some form of physical contact in order to be nurtured and this cannot be totally substituted by the use of technology (e.g., Marchetti-Mercer, 2012b, 2016, 2017; Mulder & Cooke, 2009). In fact, relationships maintained mainly through technology may create an “illusion of intimacy” (Marchetti-Mercer, 2016, 2017; Wilding, 2006) as they can never be a sufficient substitute for physical contact (Aguila, 2009). Pea et al. (2012) have argued for the importance of physical presence when it comes to face-to-face communication which, they believe, is strongly associated with positive social well-being. Their research found that technological interaction often makes it difficult to create and maintain intimacy, especially with girls. Bacigalupe and Cámara (2012) agree that although ICTs can provide a source of emotional sustenance, they are not free from potentially negative consequences. Some potentially problematic areas that families may encounter are around issues of “control and autonomy, privacy and boundary-making” (p. 13).

In times of difficulty, families may hide certain information so as not to unnecessarily burden each other (Baldock, 2003). Furthermore, grandparents may also be particularly impacted by their inability to provide adequately for their children and grandchildren. This resonates with Swartz and Marchetti-Mercer (2019) who have also argued that distance may become more alienating as bodies become less normative, as in the case of aging and/or disability, and these challenges are not easily overcome by technology.

In conclusion, Francisco’s (2015) words highlighting the absurdity inherent in exploring “technology as an instrument of intimacy” (p. 16) does emphasize the fact that “families’ technological dexterity in maintaining the family is both remarkable and depressing” (p. 17).

South African Emigration

In a number of works, Marchetti-Mercer (2012a, 2012b, 2016, 2017) has described the tortuous history of migration that has characterized South Africa. Of importance to our work is the outmigration following the first democratic elections in 1994. Reasons ascribed as to why people emigrate have been explored by Author and are often linked to the political uncertainty that prevails in the country, as well as more specifically to the prevalence of violent crime (Louw & Mersham, 2001). Goldin (2002) has also highlighted the negative experiences of White migrants regarding issues of corruption and poor service delivery, as well as affirmative action.

Crush (2000) has identified a number of destinations that seem to attract South Africans, namely Australia, New Zealand, Canada, the United Kingdom, and United States. Marchetti-Mercer (2016) also refers to the work of Höppli (2014) who highlights the recent popularity of the United Arab Emirates (UAE), especially Dubai and Abu Dhabi (Höppli, 2014). Despite a prevailing narrative that the recent outmigration is prevalently a White phenomenon, figures from the South African Institute for Race Relations (SAIRR) published in 2009 (SAIRR, 2009) suggest that this phenomenon affects both the White and Black populations (Marchetti-Mercer, 2012a, 2012b, 2016, 2017). One of the most frequently asked questions pertains to the extent of emigration from South Africa. However, because statistics are not systematically collected when people leave the country, this is not easily answered (Höppli, 2014; Marchetti-Mercer, 2012a). In 2014, Höppli estimated that by 2013 approximately 750,000 South African-born immigrants lived in 23 destination countries (Marchetti-Mercer, 2017). A key concern is that South Africa combines major skills shortages with large-scale outflows of skills (Kaplan & Höppli, 2017), resulting in a “brain drain” (Crush, 2000). On the social side, and relevant to our work, is the increasing numbers of elderly people left behind, with a reduced social support system, which has been identified by a number of researchers as a significant problem (see, e.g., Antman, 2010; Horowitz & Kaplan, 2001; Marchetti-Mercer, 2009, 2012a, 2016, 2017).

Methodological Approach

This article draws on data collected as part of a larger research study considering South African migration and the care of aging parents left behind.

The study was qualitative, with each individual family providing an individual case study. A qualitative methodology allowed for the “exploration of a phenomenon within its context using a variety of data sources” (Baxter & Jack, 2008, p. 544).

We followed a family systems perspective, specifically a transgenerational approach, as our theoretical framework. This is similar to the previous work of Marchetti-Mercer (2012a, 2012b) that conceptualizes emigration as a systemic event with the family as a network of interlocking relationships (H. Goldenberg & I. Goldenberg, 2012).

Sampling and Recruitment

We used purposive and snowball sampling in order to identify suitable families whose children had emigrated from South Africa. This also allowed us to obtain a satisfactory sample that would yield a comprehensive number of responses. According to Willig (2008), this allows the researcher to gain an exhaustive exploration of each case, in this instance the individual families.

Participants and Procedure

A total of 23 families participated in the study under discussion. They were diverse with respect to their social background. Interviews were carried out not only with the individual members of the family who had stayed behind, mostly elderly parents, but also with seven siblings who were much involved in the care of their parents, as well as adult children who had emigrated from South Africa.

A total of 24 semistructured interviews were carried out with individuals, and in one instance with coupled, older people in urban areas in South Africa. All interviewees were selected specifically as older people whose adult children and other family were currently living abroad. Participant ages ranged from 60 to 91 years. They were all from middle-class backgrounds, and the majority (21) had received some form of post-high-school qualification. They were all interviewed face-to-face.

Total 24 adult children, either living in South Africa or abroad, were interviewed. Of them, 8 were interviewed face-to-face in South Africa, 2 face-to-face in Australia, and the rest (14) were interviewed through Skype. Their ages ranged from 28 to 64 years, and they all had received some form of post-high-school qualification ranging from a diploma to a doctoral qualification. In some instances, more than one child from the same family was interviewed (seven families), and in some instances children living abroad could not be contacted (eight families). In total, 48 interviews were carried out between 2015 and 2017.

The majority of participants in both groups tended to be female, which may provide a skewed gendered perspective. In the case of those left behind, 87.5% were female, and in the case of the adult children, 79.2% of those interviewed were female. The greater propensity of women to agree to participate in research related to families that are culturally strongly associated with women having been recorded in the literature (Charles & Davies, 2008).

Design

Semistructured interviews were carried out in order to gain information from both those who had emigrated and those staying behind. This provided us with extensive data on the experiences of the different family members and the impact of emigration on the family system.

Data Collection

The semistructured interviews were carried out by three senior clinical psychologists and three graduate students in psychology. All participants completed a consent form before being interviewed (following the established ethical protocols of both our universities).

Interviews of about 90 minutes were conducted in English, primarily a single interviewer at a time (in some instances, graduate students conducted the interview; a qualified psychologist also sat in on the interview). The majority of interviews were conducted face-to-face, with some carried out over Skype. An interview schedule was developed prior to the interviews with questions, focusing on the different aspects of the interpersonal and social impact of the emigration.

Questions for those left behind explored the interpersonal and social impact that the emigration of their adult children (and often grandchildren) had had on their lives. The ways in which they maintained relationships were specifically focused upon. Those who had left the country were asked to reflect on the personal and interpersonal challenges they had experienced, as well as the ways in which they were maintaining relationships of care with their elderly parents back home. Those siblings left in South Africa were asked about the impact of their siblings’ migration on their family’s functioning and the change in roles that had taken place following their departure. There was some flexibility around the questions, as we often had to explore issues more broadly than could be reflected in the basic interview format. As interviewers, we used our clinical judgment in order to remain more flexible and explore relevant issues in more depth where necessary.

All interviews were recorded digitally and transcribed verbatim by a professional transcriber.

We endeavored to maintain inter-interviewer reliability through constant discussions between different interviewers. We kept comprehensive notes of all our interviews and clinical impressions. All the participants completed the relevant consent forms prior to their interviews as guided by the University A’s (anonymized for peer review) ethical guidance.

Data Analysis

As in previous studies (Marchetti-Mercer, 2012a, 2012b, 2016), the thematic analysis method developed by Braun and Clarke (2006) was chosen as the most appropriate methodology of identifying common themes in the families under study. It is a systematic method that offers researchers’ distinct steps so as to analyze the data collected during the interviews carried out.

The following procedure was followed according to their guidelines:

Phase 1: We familiarized ourselves with the data (interviews were transcribed, read, reread, and we noted the most prominent ideas).

Phase 2: We generated initial codes (this involved the systematic coding of interesting features using the entire data set as well as collating data relevant to each code).

Phase 3: We searched for themes (we collated codes into potential themes and gathered all data applicable to each potential theme).

Phase 4: We reviewed the themes (we checked themes to see if they worked in relation to the coded extracts [Level 1] and the entire data set [Level 2], and then generated a thematic “map” of the analysis).

Phase 5: We defined and named themes (this involved an ongoing analysis to refine the specifics of each theme and the overall story of the analysis. We also generated definite definitions and names for each theme).

Phase 6: We produced a number of articles focusing on different areas of interest to the overall research topic (this involved the selection of relevant responses from participants and the final analysis of the selected extracts from the data, as well as relating the analysis back to the original research questions and the existing literature (Braun & Clarke, 2006, p. 87).

The themes that were finally identified for this article were the most salient and those which provided us with the most comprehensive overview of the experiences of both those who had emigrated and who had stayed behind when it came to their experiences of technology. This is a recommended process, as supported by Huang and Mathers (2008). Morrison and James (2009) also propose the use of as many verbatim quotes from participants as possible in order to achieve credibility or referential adequacy (Marchetti-Mercer, 2012a, 2012b).

Results

This section focuses specifically on the results that emerged with relevance to the experience of ICTs.

The Possibilities Created by the Use of Technology

Creating closeness

Many participants commented positively on the immediate opportunities for communication created by those technologies linked to smartphones, such as WhatsApp and FaceTime. Some of those living abroad found this particularly useful:

. . .I don’t feel that far away from them and because I can talk to them and see their faces, I don’t feel. . .alienated. . .you can actually just check in with them you know, if you need to ask them a question. (Kim, daughter)

Mitchell (father) felt:

So that’s lovely, you know, if you think something then you can quickly WhatsApp and ask her what she thinks, you know.

Ambivalent experiences around former ways of communication

Older adults left behind often found these experiences to be in direct contrast to the difficult and slow communication of the past:

Uhm, the technology has changed communication over time, I would say in a positive way. Uhm, in fact with this moving out of house, I’ve come across letters, you know old fashioned letters, first it was letters and it was especially a lot of those blue air letters, do you remember them? (George, father)

Philani (daughter) described how:

I used to write to my mother, you know, get a letter every two months and she would get a letter every three months, you know, so yeah, I mean now it’s in your pocket you can instantly communicate, so ja, definitely shorten the gap.

Interestingly, some of the older participants commented on the fact that they still liked the “old-fashioned” feel of writing and receiving a letter:

And I love letters and writing. (Gogo, Grandmother)

Positive experiences of the more recent communication technologies

Technological advances have also resulted in cheaper ways of communicating, which was appreciated by those who had experience of the more expensive ways of communication in the past:

We Skype and then fortunately there is WhatsApp now because we had to use a landline which was expensive, so now we Skype or we use WhatsApp, we talk almost twice to three times a day. (Pearl, grandmother)

. . .because Skype is much less expensive I, ever since then, I would try to call back home once a week to my parents. The kids is a bit more intermittent but uhm we try to keep in touch via Skype. (Gill, grandmother)

Skype was a popular choice as it allowed for regular communication often set aside for a specific day or time:

Then we make a date and we sit on Skype, and then I’ll see the little girls again and uh, because when we Skype, they’re not always at home, you know. They’re at school when Yolandi and I Skype, but in school holidays, we make a plan and then we Skype with them. (Lidia, grandmother)

Whenever I need to and when we have a regular time through Skype and spend half an hour to an hour talking to each other. I keep them informed on the local, interesting politics. (George, father)

. . .like I Skype my mom, well we try to do it once a week. (Joan, daughter).

The visual importance of Skype was also emphasized by George:

Eye contact and the eye contact in Skype to me removes most of my problems. . .with the technology.

Gill described her mother’s excitement at being able to see her:

. . .and I just remember my mother was so excited when she could see me, and talk to me.

Those grandparents left behind often used technology in a creative manner in order to connect with their children and grandchildren. One example was the use of smartphones reported by Susan (grandmother) to connect people in different continents to be part of a family christening:

And my one little grandchild here had a, my mother did a blessing for her, instead of a christening and Lily in Australia is the godmother. So we put her on the Skype on the cellphone on the chair and the chair was empty but it had a cellphone on it with Skype on it and Lily attended the whole lesson and she made comments and was part of it, and she read a speech that she had written, well, a speech, something for her little goddaughter on the Skype.

Sharing important family moments such as waiting for the result of a pregnancy test between three sisters and the mother was also made possible through the use of technology:

I thought, isn’t that incredible, there are my three daughters sharing one of the most important moments even though they are so far apart. (Susan, grandmother)

Families also often formed WhatsApp groups so that they could instantly share information with family members in different continents:

. . .then we also have a family WhatsApp group as well. So if anyone needs to say something to all of us at once, it will be on that WhatsApp group. (Lindile, daughter)

. . .you know even if you go off do something with the kids you take a short videoclip you can message it across to them in few seconds. (Jane, grandmother)

. . .my sister-in-law in America started a family WhatsApp chat. Every time something happens in the family, you know, someone will post something on there. (Mary, grandmother)

Positive role of social media

Some participants also highlighted the role that social media played in terms of keeping in touch. Facebook seemed to be the preferred choice of a number of participants:

. . .and you have photos there and everybody can see, so you don’t see each other, but you feel like you know them. You feel like you know them because you see them all the time, how they change, you just don’t see them in real life, that’s all. (Gerry, grandfather)

Peter (son), who has been living in England for a number of years, also reflected on how the advent of Facebook had brought about a change in family interactions:

I think probably in 2008, no 2007, we had Facebook. . .became a little easier to post photographs of the kids and I think my mom and uhm family they got a bit closer to us and the children with posting video clips of rugby and gymnastics and what not, you know, so because [unclear] became more useful in they are capturing the moments and posting them instantly.

However, the superficial nature of this was also recognized:

. . .and social media I think that’s great for keeping in touch and keeping people informed. In a sort of a very superficial level almost, but it’s a nice way to get a lot of people up to date. (Peter, son)

Uhm uhh I think the, the only thing of technology is, you can’t always give the details. Corrina (daughter)

Older People’s Challenges with Technology

The practical struggles linked to the use of technology

Many responses seemed to indicate that older people often struggled to engage with the necessary technology. In some cases, their children had to buy them the relevant equipment in order to communicate with them:

. . .and the one from Australia he is the one who sent me the iPad. He said that this is what will keep you occupied. Slowly I learned how to use it. (Jai, grandmother)

This is the phone that Anny sent me from America. So I can WhatApp, save pictures of Danny and Simon. . . (Mama Maria, grandmother)

So what we did is we brought my parents as well as his parents each an iPad, so to make it easier to be able to Skype, and my parents have really gotten into the whole technology and getting in touch and stuff. . . (Mary, daughter)

We have, we try and help people, we helped one guy who didn’t know how to work a computer to get his Skype going so he can Skype his daughter in the UK. (Susan, grandmother)

Children’s frustrations with their parents

Furthermore, it was not always easy for the older people to use the technology to communicate with their children abroad, at times causing some frustration in their children:

Oh, but my dad is terrible with technology so with him it’s sms’s or I have to call him. (Lindiwe, daughter)

His mom not so much. . .Ja she’s not good at it. . .it doesn’t seem like she’s prepared to learn either. So it’s been really hard. . . (Mary, daughter).

General Problems Experienced with Technology

Connectivity problems in South Africa

Sometimes the limitations of the internet in South Africa caused frustrations:

It has a lot to do with the connectivity the, the bandwidth. . .the bandwidth is not good enough to carry the, carry the image well. But we always try to, to have a little bit of image and then a little bit of conversation. (Gill, grandmother)

Well, my biggest problem with Skype normally is the fact that it’s, our technology is not good enough so I battle. . . (Priscilla, mother)

The traumatic aspects linked to the use of technology

However, in some cases, participants disliked the technology which they experienced as exacerbating the trauma of the separation:

And as I say it’s, you say goodbye more often. (Carla, sister)

Matilda and John spoke about how they had not used Skype for two years to communicate with their brother and sister: It’s almost more upsetting. . .I find Skype being traumatic. Absolutely traumatic. (John, brother; Matilda, sister)

Frustration with time difference

Sometimes communication was made more difficult by the time difference:

The time zones is difficult. (John, grandfather)

Ja, eight hours ja. No the time difference I think often makes, because you can’t just you know pick up, you have to think, you know, are they still awake, what are their hour. (Ronald, father)

Lack of intimacy and closeness

As mentioned earlier, older participants left behind seemed to experience a sense of nostalgia for more traditional ways of communication. Gogo (grandmother) spoke about how:

We talk on the ‘YapYap’. It’s bad you know, I don’t like communicating that way. And I love letters and writing.

Similarly, Sophie (mother): Still writes letters. . .

The lack of intimacy experienced in relationships mediated by technology often created feelings of distress amongst participants. For example, Lesley (mother) lamented:

. . .it’s not the same as to have someone holding you and hello mum, I’m here for a cup of coffee. . .

This was also emphasized by Ruth (mother):

It’s not the same as talking to the person. . .you always feel you want to be with her. . . Love together.

Kim (mother) spoke of the inability to carry out mundane social interactions:

. . .I do miss the fact that you know, we can’t just go to a movie together or have dinner together or something.

Carla commented specifically on the inability to have physical contact with her sister living abroad:

And I am not very good at talking over a telephone especially with a delay. But you still can’t touch them, so there is that touch, that direct contact that you miss.

This absence of physicality was also hard for Mitchell (father):

. . .it’s actually sometimes can be even worse because you can see the person right in front of you but you. . .you can’t hug them and you can’t hold them and it just makes them feel even worse than if they were just talking over the phone.

In times of crisis when people usually need family support, the distance was experienced even more poignantly:

After death of grandparents. . .I felt so far removed from being able to comfort them and to share with them grief. . .and I think what I found was at times when I needed support and involvement from friends and others, ah, that’s when you miss the contact. (Peter, son)

Experiencing technology as intrusive

An intriguing finding was that, in some instances, participants abroad experienced the easy availability of technology as intrusive infringing upon participants’ sense of privacy. Kim recalled her interaction with her mother:

She used to get very emotional when I would tell her you call me too much and she didn’t want to hear but I needed to tell her so she got it.

Warwick described his mother’s attempts to constantly phone him:

Yeah, but it’s happened where she has tried to call me as I have been driving and it’s like you know, you put, reject the call and she is like, she is not having any of that and she keeps calling back and you are eventually, like listen I am driving. . .[laughing]. . . What are you up to?. . . You can run but you can’t hide.

Hiding difficulties and problems

Technology was also experienced as stressful when participants wanted to hide some difficult aspects of their lives from each other:

. . .if you talk to mother on the phone she will always tell you it’s going fine, and then when we start Skyping then I see, okay, she doesn’t stand up to come to the computer anymore, she just sits, then I know it’s not going well. (Cornelia, sister)

Coleen (daughter) also commented on the fact that families sometimes tend to hide things from each other:

What tends to happen is your family, they don’t tell you everything that’s happening to them, because they have a fear of worrying you, being so far away. So Skype will never change that, it’s a human thing. So, say for instance one of my parents got sick, they won’t tell me until it’s really needed to tell me.

Difficulties in Communicating with Small Children

One salient aspect that was highlighted in participants’ responses was the difficulties experienced by grandparents when using technology to communicate with younger children.

Ways of bridging the distance

Susan recalled how she used puppet shows to entertain her younger grandchildren who were not able to sit and talk for long periods of time. This communication with younger children often took on a humorous note as one child asked her mother when her granny was leaving to go back to South Africa:

Is Ouma (Granny) going back into the computer now? (Gill, grandmother)

Missing being part of one’s grandchildren’s lives

Susan missed being part of her grandchildren’s important activities:

I think the separation, the physical separation. Because I have a lot of communication, but I think the actual physical separation, not being able to go to children’s birthday parties.

Others missed touching the young children:

You know that longing just to put your arms around them and hug them. (Lauren, grandmother)

Ja, not really knowing, seeing the grandchildren on Skype is much different than handling a baby in your arms. (Cornelia, sister)

Gill (grandmother) also stressed:

Because of Skype, so she was a tiny little baby when I could see her on Skype, which is great, but then as she developed, uhm I realized that it is not always easy for the child of three, four years old to communicate via Skype, they, for them, the physical, the three dimensionality and the physical of being hugged cannot be replaced, so sometimes I was quite distressed about what, how the kid interacted with me, but I also reflected and realized that for her I am just a two, two dimensional image.

As a result, these children may also have missed out:

Well they will never phone them or contact them by themselves, and I don’t think. . .our parents only contact them on their birthdays, so I don’t think—it’s not like South Africa, where if you live in the same country, where the kids have a lot of contact with their grandparents, our kids have lost that, they didn’t have that. (Gerry, son).

This was reinforced by his wife Mary:

So they do know what’s going on but they don’t have a real relationship with them.

The importance of visits to overcome the separation

Having some real-time interaction with grandchildren through visits may have helped overcome some of these difficulties; according to Gill (grandmother):

I do think that uhm if you have not seen them at all in physical and only communicate with them through Skype that would be more of a challenge, because I do have at least once a year some interaction with them, they, whether we holiday together every two years, we all holiday together my family. Uhm that, it does make a difference, so they do have a memory of me in physical. So the Skype then is an add-on. If they did not have that physical memory, it might have been more challenging.

The importance of visits to mediate this relationship was also highlighted by Coleen (daughter):

[F]or instance, we went to visit South Africa, my mom and dad aren’t strangers to them, they’re part of their lives, but (breaking up). . .So if it wasn’t for things like that, it would be far harder, just to do the phone call and keep that relationship between especially the grandchildren with their grandparents. If you have that connection, you could use phone calls, but if you’ve never met a person, to form a bond, it’s far easier to do it that way.

Discussion

In summary, there were many benefits associated with the use of ICTs for these South African families—the communication was immediate, easy, and increasingly cheap, despite bandwidth being relatively more inaccessible and expensive in South Africa than in other countries. The changes that have taken place in the past decades were appreciated, especially by the older participants who still remembered older means of communication such as writing letters and the difficulties that these created (Francisco, 2015). The participants in our study clearly show that the concept of the transnational, interconnected family described by authors in other countries (e.g., Bacigalupe & Cámara, 2012; Baldassar, 2007a, 2007b, 2008, 2016) applies to families of South African emigrants.

It is also clear, however, that there are issues of concern for our participants and that the use of ICTs as a “cure” for distance is not entirely unproblematic. In this regard, there seem to be three major areas of concern that were highlighted from the themes brought to light from the data collected. The first of these may be termed “developmental,” the second deals with the reinscribing of trauma, and the third relates to broader emerging concerns about the way in which people interact with ICTs. We shall discuss each of these concerns briefly in turn.

Developmental Issues

From the results that emerged from our data, it is clear that both older people and much younger people may struggle with the easy ICT contact. Many older people are intimidated by the technology and find it difficult to adapt to: “Oh but my dad is terrible with technology” (Lindiwe). Not only does this not facilitate contact, but it may also lead to conflict and frustration on the part of the emigrant children who can see that there is what seems to them an easy way to communicate but that the older relative may not be able to use this apparently simple tool, “His mom. . .she’s not good at it. . .it doesn’t seem like she’s prepared to learn either. So it’s been really hard. . ..” So the availability of ICTs in this context may exacerbate loss and conflict.

At the other end of the developmental spectrum, young children may struggle to comprehend the complexity of computer-mediated communication and may not be clear on what copresence is and is not, “Is Ouma (Granny) going back into the computer now?” (Gill). This is, in general, probably an issue that will pass with time as children develop, but may prove to be a continuing issue of confusion in the context of ongoing developmental disability. In this regard, our findings recall the argument of Swartz and Marchetti-Mercer (2019) who suggest that issues of distance are less important for bodies which are considered “normal,” but that the distance is a real and practical issue for those living in bodies which need more direct physical care and assistance.

For grandparents, the possibility of having a meaningful relationship with their grandchildren was often denied:

This was often mediated by grandparents using creative nonverbal ways to communicate with their grandchildren, for example, having puppet shows for them over Skype; and in some cases through mutual visits:

For instance we went to visit South Africa, my mom and dad aren’t strangers to them, they’re part of their lives. . .. So if it wasn’t for things like that, it would be far harder, just to do the phone call and keep that relationship between especially the grandchildren with their grandparents. (Cornelia)

This resonates with Baldassar’s (2007b) views on the importance of visits to maintain mutual relationships of care.

The Possibility of Retraumatization

Following Boss’ (2016) views of ambiguous loss as an inherent part of the migratory experience, our results also indicate that this is a critical issue faced by transnational families. With constant virtual contact as a possibility, it may be that families that keep in constant contact do not have the opportunity to mourn the real losses involved in the migration experience, “And as I say it’s, you say goodbye more often” (Cornelia), and “I find Skype being traumatic. Absolutely traumatic” (Matilda). The constant contact may interfere with processes of developing new and more satisfying local, embodied relationships and networks.

On the other hand, the constant availability presented by technology may impede those who emigrate the opportunity to individuate from the family of origin and interfere upon issues of control and autonomy, privacy, and boundaries, as suggested by Bacigalupe and Cámara (2012). For example, Keara described her frequent calls received from her mother, “She used to get very emotional when I would tell her you call me too much and she didn’t want to hear but I needed to tell her so she got it,” or Warwick’s dry analysis of his relationship with his mother, “You can run but you can’t hide.”

Furthermore, some of the participants’ responses suggest that in time of distress technology becomes a way of restricting the flow of information between family members. It appears easier to hide difficult news from each other when only interacting in a virtual world.

Technology, Addiction, and Superficiality

Our data were collected at a time when there was considerable concern in the literature on ICTs in general, about the deleterious effects of continuous screen time, smartphone addiction, and failure to invest fully in embodied relationships in the context of constant distractions from these through technology (see Borcsa & Pomini, 2017; Carvalho, Francisco, & Relvas, 2015; Hertlein, 2012; Hertlein & Ancheta, 2014; Vossler, 2016). The easy contact with distant relatives may potentially impede local embodied relationships and may interfere with the development of local deep bonds, with all the complexity that close relationships imply. The mundane, comforting interaction inherent in close relationships was missed by many of the participants, “. . .it’s not the same as to have someone holding you and hello mum, I’m here for a cup of coffee. . .” (Lesley). The inability to physically touch loved ones was also experienced as distressing, “It’s actually sometimes can be even worse because you can see the person right in front of you but you. . . you can’t hug them and you can’t hold them. . ..” (Mitchell). This was particularly true when it came to young children, “. . .seeing the grandchildren on Skype is much different than handling a baby in your arms.” (Cornelia). These experiences are often exacerbated at times of crisis when the distance is felt more deeply, as described by Peter, “After death of grandparents. . .. I felt so far removed from being able to comfort them and to share with them grief.”

It is instructive that just as there is a growing international concern regarding the addictive qualities of smartphones and other devices, these same devices are touted as a solution to long-distance relationships. This echoes Francisco’s (2015) concerns of the dubious nature of exploring intimacy created by technology. Our data suggest that a more modulated approach to the use of these devices may be appropriate in the study of the impact of ICTs in the context of migration.

Theoretical Considerations Going Forward

At face value, our findings provide evidence for what may be viewed as obvious: ICTs facilitate contact, people miss physical contact, and older people find them more difficult to use than younger people. Whilst it is important to have data supporting this, the more interesting question to explore may be what the use of technology may do for how families are understood and how they may develop in future. In the field of family studies, we have already seen to some extent a rupture between ideas about biological ties and ideas about what families are and could be (Harris, 2008). This is perhaps most evident when observing the rise of “intentional families” amongst people who identify as LGBTQ (see Muraco, 2006). This is also the case with the obvious social markers that transracial and transnational adoptions commonly bring with them—where it is clear that children have different biological origins from their parents (Dorow, 2006; Lee, 2003). In some obvious and important senses, the rise of the use of ICTs begins to trouble another commonly accepted feature of what constitutes close and frequent family ties—that of physical proximity. These are interesting times to study families, because families are being redefined through a host of social upheavals, such as changing ideas about the nature of kinship, the rise in migration globally, and the increasing accessibility of ICTs.

At the same time, though, our data suggest, paradoxically perhaps, that as we embrace new ideas of personhood and family, we are also forced to return to fundamental questions of embodiment and personhood. A huge global shift affecting both richer and poorer countries is greater longevity, and when this is coupled with the rise in migration, this raises interesting questions for family researchers. Our study provides some very preliminary information on the complexity of care relationships across distance and how these may be negotiated in the context of increasing debility and need for direct bodily care. In this respect, we appear to modulate Baldock’s (2000) and Baldassar’s (2007b) views on the promising role of technology in maintaining relationships of care between migrant children and their elderly parents. Elsewhere, we have already discussed how physical presence may be more salient for people with nonnormative bodies (e.g., people with disabilities and people who are either very young or are aging) than for those with normative adult bodies (Swartz & Marchetti-Mercer, 2019). Our data suggest that there is an urgent need not just to show that technology and ICTs may have different meanings and uses to different people, but also to show that the meaning of the use of ICTs may change as people age and bodies change. What is clearly needed here is longitudinal research following families and their use of technology over time, exploring what it means to be distally connected and how this may change over the course of their life cycles. It is possible, for example, that when care needs are more prominent for some family members than for others, there may be increased conflict and dissent over the value or otherwise of virtual contact. We may not yet know this but we need more research to explore these intriguing family developmental questions, especially in different cultural contexts.

Conclusion

This study focused on a group of middle-class South Africans who had adequate access to technological and financial resources. Families without similar resources may have had very different experiences around the use of technology.

However, our data not only suggest that ICTs may indeed be very helpful in modulating the migration and care experience in transnational families, but also warn us that it may be premature to view them as a panacea or cure for the problem of distance. Both distance and the needs of the body are realities that deserve to be taken seriously as they are complex and multidimensional. More research is, therefore, needed to develop a more nuanced understanding of both the benefits and the challenges of ICTs for long-distance family relationships.

Supplemental Material

Appendix_JFI_10_June_2019 – Supplemental material for Familiarity and Separation in the Use of Communication Technologies in South African Migrant Families

Supplemental material, Appendix_JFI_10_June_2019 for Familiarity and Separation in the Use of Communication Technologies in South African Migrant Families by Maria C. Marchetti-Mercer and Leslie Swartz in Journal of Family Issues

Footnotes

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding

The author(s) disclosed receipt of the following financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article: The material is based on work supported by the National Research Foundation (NRF) of South Africa.

ORCID iD

Maria C. Marchetti-Mercer

Supplemental Material

Supplemental material for this article is available online.

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