“Leftover Women” or Single by Choice: Gender Role Negotiation of Single Professional Women in Contemporary China

Introduction

As the improvement of the status of women, in today’s Chinese society, we can see more and more women having higher educational and professional attainments. However, despite contemporary Chinese women’s high percentage of labor force participation, the traditional definition of “femininity,” such as physical attractiveness, docile temperament, obedience, and good housekeeping skills are still highly valued, particularly in the marriage market (Chang et al., 2011). For many men, an ideal wife is defined as docile, submissive, and dependent. Yet women who are considered as too intelligent and successful in their career might no longer be regarded as “women” (Zhou & Zhu, 2004). As a widely spread Chinese popular saying goes: “There exist three genders in the world: man, woman, and woman who has earned a doctoral degree.” Single career-oriented women are facing a new kind of discrimination as they are not seen as “women,” because femininity has been traditionally associated with subordination and sacrifice.

Contemporary Chinese women have much more control over their lives than previous generations. At the same time, however, they are also facing more complicated circumstances. Modern Chinese society requires women to be working and independent; yet, when many career women work hard to pursue a life that their mothers and grandmothers could only dream of, they suddenly realize that they are still expected to well play their traditional roles, such as being submissive wife and nurturing mother.

Mao’s famous saying that “women hold up half the sky” has long been used as a slogan promoting gender equality by the Chinese government. Nevertheless, discrimination against single career-oriented women reminds us that gender equality remains a slogan in today’s Chinese society. Entrenched traditional gender values have never been eliminated. In 2013, China’s President Xi Jinping delivered a speech at a meeting at the All-China Women’s Federation emphasizing women’s “central role in the family,” and calling women to “actively take responsibility” to provide for elders, educate children, shape family values, etc. The notion that “men belong in public, women belong at home” is an old saying that has regained popularity in Chinese society. Women’s efforts in education and the workplace are reconsidered as less important than their traditional roles as wife and mother. Career-oriented women who remain single in their late twenties and beyond are also experiencing intensified pressure and discrimination.

In this circumstance, how do these women respond to these pressures? What have they been through while living within contradictory social expectations and value systems? How do they themselves perceive gender, marriage, and career? All these questions deserve further research and will be explored in current article.

Women and Singlehood

As more and more contemporary women postpone their marriage in both Western and Eastern countries, singlehood has become an option that is increasingly open to many women. However, since marriage remains a mainstream expectation in most societies, people who remain single at a “marriageable age” still face various discriminations and stigmas, especially women.

According to DePaulo and Morris (2005), single adults in today’s American society are the targets of negative stereotyping and discrimination. Although life cycles are becoming more fluid today, “people are still at risk of being judged harshly if they do not reach developmental milestones on the timetable set by the social clock” (2005). Other scholars also point out that singleness is often regarded as a deficit identity, which is associated with lack (Reynolds & Taylor, 2005). According to Reynolds and Wetherell (2003), the privileging of marriage and long-term partnerships contributes to the marginalization of single people, especially single women. From their studies with single women, they found that single women are faced with a difficult set of dilemmas. For instance, while many single women can talk “unashamedly about their desire for a relationship,” they are at risk of being perceived as deficient and “desperate for men” (2003); while new resources allow many single women to be active and empowered, they continue to draw on traditional gender expectations of women, which emphasize getting married and having children at an “appropriate age” (2007). Many single adult women are going back and forth between their personal aspirations and traditional gender role expectations.

In East Asian cultures that have been dominated by Confucian philosophy, family and marriage are highly valued because of their procreative function (Fei, 1992). Historically, early marriage had been practiced for thousands of years. As an ancient proverb goes: “There are three unfilial actions, the worst is not having descendants,” getting married and having children at an early age are seen as a “filial” act stressing one’s obligation to parents and kin. Hence, people who remain single at a marriageable age encounter even more prejudice and stigmas. Since women’s identity in East Asian cultures still must be realized through marriage and childbearing, single women face more discrimination than single men. In recent decades, due to expanded educational and professional opportunities, marriage has become a less attractive option for many women in East Asian countries such as China, Japan, and South Korea. Women’s marriage choice has also become a popular and controversial topic in these countries.

A number of recent studies on single women in Japan have been conducted. For instance, Rosenberger’s (2007) study on long-term single women in Japan reveals that in East Asian cultures, women’s adulthood is acquired through marriage. For women who remain single in their 40s, the transition into adulthood is “elongated and ambiguous.” Furthermore, women who remain single in the 30s are considered as useless and even called “loser dogs (makeinu)” or “demon hags (onibaba)” (Yamaguchi, 2006). These women tend to be highly educated as well as financially independent. However, in recent years, with the growing number of always-single women as well as their effort in constructing single women’s identity, this group of women has become less “nonnormative” and more accepted (Maeda & Hecht, 2012).

Career vs. Marriage: A Real “Choice” for Women with Higher Educational and Professional Attainments

In the Second Shift: Working Parents and the Revolution at Home (1989), Hochschild and Machung pointed out that even as increasing numbers of women enter the labor force, working women still undertake the majority of household and childcare responsibilities. This gender role traditionalism also shapes partners’ career decisions within the marriage, especially for women. Professional women often have to face the dilemma between work and family devotions. As Blair-Loy (2003) explained, there is a shared belief that for high-achieving women, career is a calling, and so are homemaking and motherhood. These women are expected to shoulder the double burden from both workplace and family. Undoubtedly, as more and more women enter the public sphere and participate in social production, they also become increasingly important sources of household income. However, due to the deeply rooted, gender-based division of labor, women are expected to take on more domestic responsibilities, and face many obstacles in attaining both career and family (Green & Ferber, 2003).

A number of scholars have argued that the feminist movements of the 20th century in fact did not make much change in family life, but mainly focused on the public sphere. According to Joan Williams (1999), the second-wave feminist movements did not contain a family-friendly philosophy. They criticized the cult of domesticity, calling for women’s independence and fulfillment in paid work, but did not solve the problem of who should perform the housework. This “career-first feminism,” as Williams has called it, leaves families cold; since it did not push men to take more domestic responsibilities, working women encountered more pressures from both the public and private spheres. Crittenden (2001) also has argued that feminist movements did not sweep away women’s traditional roles, instead, today’s mothers are working harder than ever.

Paradoxically, many men expect women to be both independent and submissive, they would like less family financial responsibility; but they still hope to be the “boss” of their family. Modern societies become more and more demanding toward women. They expect women to be working and financially independent but at the same time caring for others (Gerson, 2002). The incompatibility between traditional and modern expectations often put professional women into a dilemma. Young women particularly face more ambivalence between their high career aspirations and family commitments (Gerson, 2004). In addition, women’s traditional roles as mother and wife are still valued over their professional attainments: women’s employment is questioned if they earn more than their husbands, yet childcare and other household chores are still considered as their essential nature (Coltrane, 1989).

Delayed Marriage in China and Emergence of “Leftover Women”

In recent years, women’s postponed marriage has also been noted in China and is associated with women’s improved educational and professional opportunities. For instance, according to a study that analyzed the timing of marriage among women in Hong Kong, those who were more committed to their education and career tended to postpone marriage. Another study using China General Social Survey data found that educational attainments significantly postpone both men’s and women’s ages at first marriage; however, higher education encourages men’s but reduces women’s marriage odds at older ages (Tian, 2013). Tian (2013) suggested that beauty and youth are more valued for women than their socioeconomic attainments in China’s marriage market. Another study revealed that due to the gender-based employment pattern and income differences in urban China, wives and mothers face significant disadvantages in the job market and they spend much more time than their husbands on household chores (Zhang et al., 2008). This situation makes many well educated and financially independent women feel reluctant toward marriage.

In 2001, the term “leftover women” first appeared in China’s newspapers, referring to working women over 30 years old, who are well-educated, well-paid, and independent but remain single (Liu, 2010). In the following years, the media and public opinion started to pay more attention to career-oriented women who postponed their marriage. In 2006, the term “leftover women” was included in China’s Ministry of Education’s “Chinese language situation report.” With this “recognition,” “leftover women” became an official label for urban professional women who remained single in their late twenties and beyond. The media discussion, TV shows, and movies about “leftover women” emerged in an endless stream since the mid-2000s.

This phenomenon echoes Faludi’s (1991) classic work regarding the late 1980s media driven “backlash” against the American feminist advances of the 1970s. According to Faludi, there was an antifeminist movement led by the media and popular culture in the United States. This backlash proposed that women’s emancipation movements were the source of the “misery” that women faced in the 1980s and created a generation of unhappy single and childless women. The late 1980s American media and popular culture often posited that single professional women’s lives were “miserable,” as they were “suffering ‘burnout’ and succumbing to an ‘infertility epidemic’.’’ Faludi argued that this position was based on a “divide-and-conquer strategy: single versus married women, working women versus homemakers. . .” (p. 14), it assumed that marriage and motherhood were the only pathways that women should follow, and that those who did not fit the mold would be marginalized.

With the emergence of single career women in China, many scholars have also called for a reflection on marriage, family, and gender role expectations. Accordingly, this new phenomenon has generated a series of academic studies in the recent decade. Some studies have discussed the reasons why more high-achieving women are delaying their marriage timing in China. Many of these studies criticize China’s traditional concepts of love and marriage and male-dominant relationship patterns (Li, 2010; Tang, 2010; Wei & Zhang, 2010). The mainstream male-dominant values are challenged by progressive ideas (Li, 2010; Wei & Zhang, 2010). Delayed marriage for working women has become a common phenomenon in recent years. Many scholars consider that this phenomenon reflects modern women’s rejection of traditional androcentric values (Li, 2010). For these Chinese single career women, their delayed marriage reflects the diversification of the concept of mate choice and the fact that women have more autonomy and economic opportunity (Tang, 2010; Wang, 2010; Wei & Zhang, 2010).

Some studies have demonstrated single professional women’s struggle between traditional and modern values. Ji (2015) argues that in contemporary China, these single career-oriented women are navigating between tradition and modernity. While pursuing romantic relationship and marriage, they often encounter a series of problems such as parental pressure, a gender double standard of aging, forced socioeconomic hypergamy, efforts to balance women’s independence with support for family and men, etc. In this circumstance, these women try to use a modern way to deal with many traditional issues, such as being independent and competent in the workplace, and carry on the double burden of work and family. Gaetano’s (2014) interviews with 14 highly educated professional women indicates that today’s Chinese women encounter more opportunities and choices, as well as new expectations and desires. However, obtaining both a successful marriage and career is hard within a patriarchal environment. These women’s aspirations often conflict with a social reality “characterized by inflexible and unequal gender norms, relations, and roles, as well as a dearth of support for career women’s double burden” (p. 124). This study also showed that although these so-called “leftover women” encountered negative judgments, they still held positive attitudes toward career and marriage, and “constructing meaningful lives by attaining educational and career goals, building social networks, and playing important social roles in their families of origin and elsewhere” (p. 146). They are also gradually challenging patriarchal constraints.

Methodology

In order to understand what kind of pressure that single career women encounter in their lives, and explore how these women respond to these pressures as well as how they themselves perceive marriage and gender roles, I conducted in-depth interviews with 30 never married career women in their late twenties or beyond living in Beijing in July and August 2014. Since “leftover women” was a term originally used to describe successful single white-collar women, I chose to interview white-collar workers in large government-owned, or foreign companies in Beijing. In China, women who have not married by the age of 27 or 28 are often seen as late marriers; hence, I recruited participants over 28 years old. Participants were recruited through a snowball sampling strategy. At the time of the interviews, August 2014, the youngest participants were 28 years old, and the oldest was 44. The average age of these participants was 30.6. Fifteen had a bachelor’s degree, thirteen had a master’s degree, and two had a Ph.D. degree.

All of the participants originally came from China’s urban areas and were born in dual-income families. Twenty participants were the only children of their parents, 10 had one to two siblings. All of their parents were employed, and some of them noted that their parents were now retired. All interviews were conducted in Chinese and tape-recorded. Before the interview, each participant singed an informed consent. The average duration of the interviews was roughly 45 minutes. The interviews were transcribed and analyzed through a grounded theory approach. Using in vivo codes, I coded the key points in each interview. After finishing the initial line-by-line coding, topics and categories emerged from the transcripts. I then sorted these topics and categories into themes and conducted further analyses. Four major themes have been analyzed in the present research: (a) participants’ perceptions of career, (b) working women’s career/family articulation, (c) China’s unequal marriage market, and (d) participants’ responses to the emerging prejudice and discrimination against single, career-oriented women. To protect the privacy of participants, I used English pseudonyms.

To Be or Not to Be Career-oriented, that is the Question. . . but Only for Women

Before broaching the topic of women’s delayed marriage, my participants discussed their views of women’s status in contemporary China as well as work/family articulation. According to my participants, gender stereotypes and discrimination are still persistent in every aspect of their social lives.

Most of my 30 participants reported that their career is “indispensable” or “paramount” in their lives, because it brings autonomy and economic independence. Furthermore, several participants emphasized that paid work is significant “especially for women,” because living in a relatively conservative society, paid work is a “particularly important means of maintaining autonomy for women.”

Despite their achievements in the workplace, most participants noted that their identity as “the weaker sex” brought them different levels of constraints. Twenty-five participants reported that while pursuing a career or advanced education, they received different kinds of negative feedback, such as gender stereotypes from friends and relatives and gender discrimination in the workplace. According to these participants, as the singleton children of their families, their parents had invested great resources in them. Some mentioned however, that their friends, coworkers, and relatives had told them that “as a woman,” it is not necessary to be successful in a career, because “to be a woman successful in career is not as good as to be a woman successful in marriage.” For instance, Charlotte, a 28-year-old young woman who was working in an international recruitment company noted that she received her bachelor’s degree from a top tier university in China. As a French language student, she worked in a government-owned enterprise after graduating from college, and then relocated overseas. Two years later, she decided to quit her job and get a master’s degree in Canada. Her parents were supportive, but several relatives told her not to “take the risk”:

Some of them said that as a woman, a master’s degree is not necessary for me at all. Since I already graduated from a good university, had a good job, and a high salary, they thought I should stay in that company. They also told me that what I needed to do was get married and have a child rather than go to Canada and continue my study. But marriage and children were not what I wanted at that time, so I quit my job and went to Canada.

Among my participants, three were working in international recruitment enterprises as recruitment consultants. According to them, the majority of employers would specify that they preferred male job candidates. In terms of female candidates, “unless she already had children or she is a celibatarian, otherwise it would be very difficult for her to find a good job.” As these three recruitment consultants informed, when recruiters interview female candidates, questions such as marital status and whether or not have children are “inevitable,” while male candidates “were never asked this kind of questions.” Although such questions are prohibited in many countries, China’s lack of laws and regulations against gender discrimination lead to such phenomena often considered the “norm” in the workplace.

Through the conversations with my participants, it can be noticed that the strongest disadvantage that women suffer on the job market is based on motherhood. According to China’s Labor Law, female employees are entitled to 98 days of fully paid maternity leave, and the cost is paid by both their employer and government. In addition, it is illegal to dismiss female employees during maternity leave and the breast-feeding period. In this circumstance, many employers are not willing to recruit young women who have not had children yet. One recruitment consultant noted that most of their clients were foreign companies, and many large companies from Western developed countries also required male candidates or female candidates who already had children: “Of course it’s illegal in their own countries, but since there are no laws against gender discrimination on the job market in China, they would not run into trouble here.”

Career vs. Family, Modern Women vs. Traditional Women

While discussing women’s status in contemporary China as well as work/family articulation, all of the 30 participants expressed that today’s Chinese working women need to face the dilemma in choosing between or balancing work and family, 28 of them believed that working men do not have this problem or have “much less pressure,” and two expressed that today’s Chinese men are facing more work/family dilemma than they did in the past. Many participants pointed out that current Chinese society still adheres to the traditional gender role expectations, expects women to be homemakers, even if they work full-time outside the home. Then men “have more free choices” than women. As one participant said:

Yes, I think most working women have to face the work/family dilemma, but their male counterparts don’t have to. Most men take their “breadwinner” identity for granted, and believe that women should shoulder the domestic responsibility, even if they work full-time outside home. Employers are the same: they think that childrearing is women’s duty. So for working women, once you have children, it will be hard for you to get promotion. Men also take their wives’ sacrifice for granted.

Some women indicated that in recent years, as the Chinese government reversed its population policy from controlling fertility to encouraging fertility, working women are facing more discouragement in the workplace, being regarded as “potential reproductive units” and pushed back to home. As one participant said, she felt an obvious backlash in the workplace:

I think women in our generation are less career-oriented than previous generations. From my observation, I found that women born in 60s or 70s work harder than today’s young women. Because you know, the government at that time encouraged women to work outside home. But now, things changed. At least most of my female colleagues in my generation are family-oriented, and don’t have many career aspirations.

Many participants expressed that in a traditional society based on Confucianism, gender is still a critical factor that determines an individual’s social role. Though a large number of women entered the workforce since the World War II, they are still expected to play their traditional roles well. In this case, women are both breadwinners and homemakers. Several participants deplored that women “have no choice,” because “society already made the decisions for them.” Their narratives express some sense of helplessness in the face of these contradictory social expectations. Hence, while describing their ideal modern woman, the most frequently mentioned terms are “independent,” “having more freedom,” “having more choices,” and “balancing work and family life well.” Some participants expressed that their ideal “modern women” could gain support and understanding from family. As an example, one said:

I think a modern woman should be independent, both financially and psychologically. If a person gets married, his or her life would probably be influenced by some family responsibilities, but I hope women could obtain more support and understanding from family, especially from their husbands.

Furthermore, the most frequently mentioned female role models of my participants are Marie Curie, Hillary Clinton, Sheryl Sandberg, Angela Merkel, Yi Wu ¹ , Lan Yang ² , and Liyuan Peng ³ . Thirteen participants noted that they admire women who are independent, determined, and competent; ten participants expressed that they admire women who can balance career and family well and are successful in both spheres. Despite their dissatisfaction towards Chinese society’s rigorous expectations of women, several participants still reported that their ideal modern women were those who could balance work and family well, or rather, shoulder the double burden well. As one participant said:

My ideal modern women are those who have successful career outside home, and at the same time fully perform their responsibilities at home, as good wives and mothers. I know it is hard, because everybody’s energy is limited. But I hope I can in the future.

During our communication, the great majority of participants expressed their discontent toward the unequal gendered labor division. However, from time to time, many of them demonstrated some inclination to gender stereotypes. Roughly half of the participants noted that if they could choose their gender, they would still like to be a woman because men “have to face more pressure to earn money and be successful in career,” and “take more responsibilities than women,” as one of them said:

I would still choose to be a woman. I think in China, women face less pressure than men. As women, we don’t have to be successful in career or to earn a lot of money. But men have these pressures. If a man were less competent than his wife, people would look down upon him. Besides, as women, we could receive some help from men, because they are the stronger sex.

This point of view was expressed by several participants during the interviews, and these women appeared to simply ignore their previous statements that most contemporary Chinese women are facing a double burden from both workplace and family.

When discussing gender role perceptions and work/family articulation, many of my participants navigated back and forth between traditional and modern ideologies. This cognitive dissonance is caused by the inconsistent information that society sends to women. Connidis and McMullin (2002) proposed the concept of structural ambivalence to describe the situation when personal choices are constrained by structural arrangements. According to Connidis and McMullin, these “structurally created contradictions” lead to considerable stress and ambivalence for individuals. As my participants noted, today’s Chinese society is “too demanding” toward women. Despite women’s dramatic entry into the workforce, society did not lower its traditional expectations of women. Women are now required to be both breadwinners and homemakers. Hence, different social norms and value systems send contradictory messages, which place women in an ambivalent and uncomfortable situation caused by the dissonance between integration and rejection.

Single Career Women on the Unequal Marriage Market

According to my participants, gender inequality is also persistent in China’s marriage market. Due to their age, they often encountered pressure for marriage from friends, family, and the society in general.

Several participants expressed that for women, education and income are also two important factors that make one a popular mate on the marriage market; however, being “too educated,” or “too successful in career” would become disadvantages. A factor in the desirability of women working in today’s China, where prices have risen dramatically in the past decades, is that most urban families need a double income. At the same time, respondents noted that a wife’s higher education or income would probably “hurt” her husband’s “self-confidence,” and make the latter “lose face.” Some of my participants noted that in China’s marriage market, men prefer women who work as teachers, public servants, or nurses, because these occupations are “stable,” and people who work in such occupations also have some skills to provide care and service for their families. A 30-year-old participant who was working as a research analyst in a big energy company informed that she was not satisfied with her job and wanted to quit, but her ex-boyfriend did not support this because her job was “stable.” She said:

My dream is to be a fashion designer, so I want to quit my job and take some training. But my ex didn’t support me; he always said: “Your job is very stable and cushy, if you quit, probably you will never find one like this.” I feel like most men just want women to find a cushy job so they could have more time to take care of their families. But this is not what I want. I want challenge and adventure. So I broke up with him (her ex-boyfriend) because we are not suitable for each other.

Traditional gender role expectations have not changed much with Chinese women’s high level of employment. Despite their economic independence, women are still primarily regarded as caregivers or even reproductive units, who are expected to take care of the family and support their husbands behind the scenes. This instrumental/expressive role differentiation between women and men (Parsons & Bales, 1956) is still entrenched in Chinese young people’s mate selection activities. Hence, women’s dramatic entry into the workforce did not bring them equal status as men in the marriage market. Even if the great majority of women work full-time outside home, men still regard themselves as the main breadwinner of the family, and regard caregiving as “women’s issue.”

When talking about their own ideal future spouse, the most frequently mentioned characteristics were “honest,” “responsible,” “optimistic,” “caring,” and “hardworking.” In addition, many respondents also noted that they hoped they could find a “soul mate” who had similar values and interests with them, and preferred men who were open-minded and respectful. For example, one of them said:

I think the most important thing that maintains a relationship is similar value. I had a boyfriend years ago. At the beginning, everything was fine. Then I found that we had different values, so we argued a lot. In the end, I thought we should break up. After that, similar value becomes my first criteria for looking for boyfriend.

The great majority participants reported that they did not mind if their future partners’ educational level and income were lower than theirs. As some of them noted, since their own financial situation was good, they did not mind having a partner who had a relatively lower income than themselves. According to several participants, they were dating or had dated men who had a lower socioeconomic attainments than themselves. Three of them reported that this situation had become an issue in their relationships. For instance, Michelle was 28, and worked as a customer service manager in a bank. She had been in a serious relationship with her ex-boyfriend for several years, but her higher income had been an issue in her relationship:

He earned less than me. I can’t say that he was jealous of me, but I knew that he was not happy with this. For example, we were very familiar with each other’s families. Every time when his parents complimented my competence or accomplishments at work, he became unhappy. Once he told me that he would get some certificates and change his job, because I earned more than him, so he thought that it made him “lose face.”

Having a masculinist complex, “many men would feel inferior if marrying a woman who is more competent than themselves.” Some participants noted that even if the man did not mind, he would still face pressure from family, friends, and coworkers. In addition, several participants pointed out that with growing financial and work pressures, men become “paradoxical”: they expect women to be simultaneously independent and submissive because on one hand, they would like to bear less financial responsibility, but on the other hand, they still hope to be the “boss” of their family. These conflicts between men and women’s different perceptions on marriage, as well as between traditional and modern definitions of marriage were frequently mentioned by my participants. Despite the necessity of having a double income in most Chinese families, women’s higher socioeconomic achievements are still regarded as a threat by most men.

A number of studies have suggested that marital power is more closely related to gender rather than to income or status (Bittman et al., 2003; Tichenor, 1999, 2005). According to Tichenor (2005), marriage as an institution is still highly gendered, and established on the basis of the traditional gendered labor division. Hence, in marriage, money usually does not equal power. Higher earning does not give wives power, but rather may lead to embarrassment, anxiety, and conflict with their husbands. To render themselves “accountable” for their gender roles, wives with higher achievements often need to perform more traditional behavior in order to “neutralize the deviance” (Bittman et al., 2003, p. 192), such as performing more housework and being more submissive to their husbands.

Through the participants’ narratives, I can see their aspiration for an egalitarian relationship and their discontent toward the persistent traditional gender role expectations in China’s marriage market. Several participants reported that they hoped in the future, men could be more understanding and supportive to women. But since age and economic hypergamy is still the norm, these women’s older ages and higher socioeconomic attainments could become obstacles when searching for Mr. Right. Studies show that although China is facing a considerable surplus of males in the marriage market, among populations with higher socioeconomic status, women’s marriage odds substantially decrease more than men’s as they age (Tian, 2013), and the older the man is, the more likely that he would marry down in education and economic status (Qian, 2012). A 29-year-old participant noted that she was currently in a serious relationship with her boyfriend who was six years younger than her. Although she and her boyfriend’s parents eventually accepted their relationship, they had “struggled long against their parents’ disapproval.” According to her, if she and her boyfriend’s genders were reversed, this age gap “would not be a problem.”

“Leftover Women” or Single by Choice

Facing the intense pressure for marriage, most participants reported that they reacted passively. According to many of them, they either “ignored what other people say,” or just responded to their family and friends that they would actively look for a marriage partner. Many participants noted that in fact, this pressure would cause some depression and anxiety in their daily lives. However, most of them still held a rational attitude towards marriage and relationships. For example, Lauren was 29, and worked in an energy company as an administrative manager. Since she was “not young anymore” and did not have a boyfriend, her parents were “very anxious.” She said:

I have many friends who are the same age as me and still single. I think delayed marriage is very common in today’s society. My parents are also worried about me, and I even considered that maybe I could just marry someone that my parents like. But I find that I really can’t compromise on this issue. I think marriage is a lifelong commitment, so I must find the right person that I love. I don’t think I’m old, so I won’t hurry. My parents were very anxious when I was 27 or 28, but now they are more relaxed. Maybe they are also worried that I would marry someone I don’t love because of pressure.

Besides the aspiration for an egalitarian and companionate marriage, several women said that they actually enjoyed their single lives because they enjoyed their freedom. For instance, as Wendy said:

My mother pushed me, but now she does it less. My parents are anxious, but they also know that their pressure doesn’t help. I don’t care about the external pressure. I’m not worried about it at all. If I could not find someone that I really love, I would definitely not marry. In fact, I really enjoy my current life. I’m free, I can do whatever I want in my spare time.

Since these women did not regard marriage as an economic and reproductive unit, marriage timing was less critical for them. In seeking respect and companionship, they were willing to wait or forego marriage rather than compromise.

As mentioned earlier, in China’s media, career-oriented women are often depicted as picky and fussy in romantic relationships and are “left” on the marriage market because of their stringent requirements toward a potential mate’s socioeconomic status (Tang, 2010). Most participants expressed that they did not expect to find a partner who had a better socioeconomic attainment than themselves but were looking for a “soul mate.” As a 29-year-old participant said:

I think the only reason to marry is that you met a right person in a right time. Marriage is not just living together. I can fully support myself, I don’t need someone to raise me. I’m not picky, and not looking for a person who earns more than me or who are more successful than me in career. But I must find someone who shares the same value with me and can make me happy. So I cannot compromise.

As my participants reported, being a relatively successful single career-oriented woman in China has both advantages and disadvantages. The advantages include that they are “more confident,” “independent,” “autonomous,” and “enjoy a higher living standard.” However, living in a patriarchal society, they also have to face a series of stigmas based on traditional gender role expectations, such as being perceived as “deviant,” “selfish,” and “irresponsible (toward family).” In addition, they faced more pressure and negative judgment than their male counterparts. Several participants also pointed out that since the identity of “woman” is always associated with marriage, motherhood, and family, people would still consider a single woman as deficient, no matter how successful she was in her career. As one participant said:

Being a successful single career-oriented woman is a double-edged sword. On one hand, people may think that they are independent, and admire their success. But on the other hand, people would also think that since they are not married, then their lives are deficient. I think the general social perception of single career women is negative, because in current Chinese society, people still assume that everybody should and is willing to marry, especially women.

While discussing the phenomenon of “leftover women,” most participants noted that postponed marriage is a general trend, but that there is too much focus on women’s postponed marriage. Some participants indicated that the phenomenon of “leftover women” is a “pseudo-proposition,” because there are in fact more single men than single women at marriageable age in China. Hence, they pointed out that the emergence of the term “leftover women” is due to gender discrimination, as one of them said:

The sex ratio in China is so imbalanced, so I don’t think there are more single women than single men. But if a man remains single in his thirties or forties, people won’t say that he is a leftover man, and are much less likely to say that he is “left” on the marriage market because he is picky. I think this is precisely a manifestation of gender inequality. Women are treated as objects, and the only criteria that people judge a woman by is whether she is married and has children, or even has a son.

There were several participants who held positive attitude toward this phenomenon and expressed that they did not care if people called them “leftover women.” They saw the emergence of “leftover women” as a manifestation of social progress, because more women were pursuing careers and advanced education instead of rushing into marriage, and women “have more control over their own lives.” A 28-year-old participant said:

I think the phenomenon of “leftover women” is a sign of social progress. Now, more women are pursuing advanced degrees and career. So women have more aspirations on their lives. Marriage is no longer the only thing for us. So I think this phenomenon is common. I don’t mind at all if others call me “leftover woman.” I think this term just means that I’m single, nothing else.

Many participants said straightforwardly that they are “leftover women” according to Chinese society’s definition, but they did not care what others thought. When discussing the issue of “leftover women,” only a few participants demonstrated a certain level of anxiety and depression about being an “old single woman.” Most participants showed self-confidence and optimistic attitudes toward life and marriage. According to these women, they were more independent, and had higher standards toward relationships and marriage, instead of seeing themselves as being “left” on the marriage market.

Discussion and Conclusion

Gender role is socially constructed. In a traditional society, the identity of woman is often the synonym of wife, mother, and caregiver. None of my 30 participants were married and had children, whereas all of them were assumed to become wives and mothers someday. In addition, the workplace also assumes that women would experience negative work–family spillover (Pleck, 1977), which would restrict their professional role. The family structure has changed as more women have entered into the labor force, but the traditional gendered ideology has not changed. The public/private sphere dichotomy is intertwined with the male/female dichotomy. Although today we have seen more female full-time workers in the labor force, the rigid gender role segregation still exists. As Ridgeway proposed, gender is a background identity (2009), the organizational structure that is organized by gender is not that easy to change.

Many Western scholars argue that the feminist movements in the United States during the 20th century focused primarily on the public sphere with less impact on family life. The same conditions were true of China. Chinese women’s emancipation movements in the 20th Century as well as the government’s gender equity policies have only formally pushed women into the public sphere, but sexist values and social practices have not been eliminated and remain entrenched in family life. As Marshall (2006) argued, while women’s entry into the public sphere has been dramatic, men’s entry into the private sphere has been gradual and slow. In this circumstance, the family is still considered as a “women’s world,” and accordingly, domestic responsibilities are still regarded as women’s duty. Despite their great representation in the paid labor force, women’s primary roles are still as mother and wife. Hochschild (1989) calls this situation the “stalled revolution,” in which the great change in women and the absence of change in much else has put women in an ambivalent situation.

In their narratives, most of my participants expressed contradictory ideas. On one hand, they demonstrated their aspiration for autonomy and independence, as well as their discontent with gender discrimination in their daily lives; on the other hand, they expressed from time to time their adherence to gender stereotypes. Living within different value systems and social expectations, many of these career-oriented women are also trying hard to shoulder their traditional responsibilities and live up to traditional gender expectations. This mentality is similar to the “superwoman” myth in Western countries: “having it all” requires excellency in both work and family spheres. As one of them deplored, women have no choice, because society already made decisions for individuals according to different social expectations.

Gerson (2002) argued that modern societies reconciled the dilemma between self-interest and caring for others by dividing women and men into different moral categories. Women’s personal development is expected to be achieved through caring for others, yet men are expected to share the rewards of their independent work achievement. Today, however, changes in work and family lives put women in a new dilemma: women now are expected to seek economic independence even as they continue to bear more caregiving responsibilities. Hence, today’s working women are facing the double burden of being an ideal worker and at the same time also being an ideal caregiver. In my interviews, ironically, when asked if they could choose their “second choice” on their gender, many of my participants said that they would still be a woman because women “take fewer responsibilities than men,” and “face less pressure to be successful in career.” It can be seen that despite their consciousness of the unequal gendered labor division as well as women’s double burden from both workplace and family, they unconsciously believed that women’s unpaid domestic contribution should be less valued. Thus, they navigated back and forth between traditional and modern ideologies, and between their personal aspirations and contradictory social expectations.

While discussing about marriage and romantic relationships, I found that these single women placed less importance on the economic aspects of marriage and placed more importance on the emotional aspects. The myth of “leftover women” is based on the ideology of socioeconomic hypergamy, and a hidden assumption in this ideology of socioeconomic hypergamy is that today’s mate selection is still based more on the traditional gendered division of labor and rational calculation of economic cost and reward, rather than mutual affection. As breadwinners themselves, these women broke the traditional gender division of labor. With higher socioeconomic attainments, they also hold themselves to higher standards with regard to romantic relationships and marriage. As most of these women stated, despite the stigma surrounding single women and the pressure for marriage, they would still take time to look for a compatible partner who shares similar values and interests with them. Hence, rather than being “left” on the marriage market, most of the so-called “leftover women” stay single by choice.

During our conversations, the words “independent” and “autonomous” were frequently mentioned by my participants. It can be seen that most were proud to be independent, modern, and career-oriented women. As mentioned earlier, the majority of my participants were born after 1978, following the implementation of the one-child policy. As members of the only-child generation, these women grew up in a more open environment and were influenced by the rising individualistic culture. Therefore, they demonstrated stronger self-consciousness and aspiration for free choice than their previous generations.

The one-child policy is in fact a double-edged sword with regard to the gender gap. Although it indirectly exacerbated the female infanticide in China’s less developed and conservative areas due to the cultural son preference, it effectively enabled girls to obtain more educational and economic resources especially in urban areas, because as parents’ singleton children, girls were also treasured as boys. In this circumstance, young women became more confident and competent than their earlier generations. According to Fong (2002), the one-child policy effectively empowered women in urban areas. One reason is that without the competition of a male heir, parents have invested more resources and attention on their singleton daughters. The other reason is that low fertility allows mothers to get paid work while also having the ability to demonstrate their filiality by providing their own parents with more financial support, which empower working mothers and also set an independent role model to their singleton daughters. As most of my participants noted, their parents demonstrated strong affection and support. In this case, while enjoying more economic resources as well as education and employment opportunities, this new generation of women also developed different perceptions on gender, marriage, career, and family.

From their narratives, my participants exhibited an intense aspiration for egalitarian relationships as well as mutual understanding and respect between partners. However, as many of them stated, the society’s contradictory expectations, which expected women to be financially independent and at the same time perform well their traditional responsibilities, often putting them into a dilemma. Hence, on the “marriage market,” they were often judged by those traditional expectations. As stated earlier, since World War II, Chinese women have entered into paid employment in large numbers and made important contributions to the country’s economic development. However, discrimination against single career-oriented women and pressures for marriage indicate that traditional gender role ideologies are still entrenched today in Chinese society. The forced socioeconomic hypergamy, stigma surrounding single career-oriented women, and emphasis on women’s traditional roles demonstrate that women’s large representation in the workforce did not significantly change their disadvantaged social status and their traditional roles as potential reproductive unit and caregiver.

It can be observed that there is a gap between men’s and women’s expectations on marriage: women, especially those who are well educated and financially independent, aspire to a more egalitarian relationship, whereas most men still adhere to the traditional marriage pattern. Hence, women are still held accountable for how they “do gender”—still expected to adhere to traditional ideology and criticized for deviating. Even if both men and women wanted egalitarian relationships, the macro and institutional constraints still favor men’s economic success and traditional arrangements at home. As Gerson (2010) suggested, despite many young men and women having received modern education, the larger social and economic realities remain based on the conventional gendered labor division. In this context, while emphasizing the importance of paid work and financial independence, men and women have developed divergent strategies: Women emphasize self-reliance, which may entail a double burden between work and family; while men, in Gerson’s words, aspire to a more “neotraditional” arrangement, which “allows them to put work first and rely on a partner for the lion’s share for the caregiving” (2010, p. 11). Thus, these diverging strategies help account for continued gender inequalities in both private and public spheres. Gerson’s arguments resonate with my participants’ dilemma. For these single career women, the potentially available men are not necessarily compatible because of their different beliefs and expectations of marriage. This neotraditional work–family divide is just a continuation of the traditional unequal gender relation. In a society where gender has remained the primary cultural frame for defining self and others (Ridgeway, 2009), the breadwinner-homemaker ideology could still exert a strong impact on these women’s searching for Mr Right.

Future studies could be generated using more diverse sample. For instance, future research could study more women who were originally from China’s less developed areas, because these women must encounter even more obstacles based on gender stereotype while pursuing advanced education and career. Besides, the majority of my participants were in their late twenties and early thirties. Future research could include participants with wider age range, especially those in their late thirties and beyond. Furthermore, researchers who are interested in this topic could also include male participants, to explore Chinese men’s perception on marriage, career, and gender relation in contemporary China. Further research may also include some men and women of the same age but married, to examine how do they perceive marriage, gender, and singlehood. “Leftover women” as a new phenomenon also deserves long-term research. Since the Chinese government has reversed its population policy from controlling fertility to encouraging fertility, women’s delayed marriage and professional roles may receive more negative judgments in the following years. There is also a possible increase in neotraditional ideas, which emphasize on family and fertility. Thus, follow-up research is necessary to explore the influence of the policy change on women’s lives.