Suffering in Silence,Shame,Seclusion,and Invisibility: Men as Victims of Female Perpetrated Domestic Violence in Trinidad and Tobago

Abstract

In Trinidad and Tobago, not much is known about males who are victims of domestic violence (DV) between intimate partners. As a result, the current study was designed to answer three research questions, namely: (a) How do the men experience DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?, (b) How do the men cope with their DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?, and (c) How do the men disclose their experiences of DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago? “Thematic analysis” was used to chart several salient themes that emerged from a series of semi-structured interviews with 10 male victims of DV on the island. Findings indicate the prevalence of DV victimization perpetrated by females against males, involuntary disclosure of DV victimization and the use of wide-ranging coping strategies to deal with spousal abuse.

Keywords

domestic violence intimate partner men’s health support services coping strategies Trinidad and Tobago

Introduction

Men too are victims and women too are perpetrators [of Domestic Violence]; neither sex has a monopoly of vice or virtue.

—David Thomas, 1993, as cited in Pandora, 2009

Internationally, a key premise in academe is that domestic violence (DV) is a complex human, social, criminal, and mental health problem (Barfod, 2016; Galarneau, 2018; Nagassar et al., 2010; van Wijk, 2012) that is limitless in nature and scope. Further, it is well known that DV victimization is not the sole province of any gender, ethnicity, nationality, and/or socio-economic group (Kaur & Garg, 2008) and that it causes misery to thousands of women, men, and children throughout the world. As DV perpetration and victimization is not limited by gender, ethnicity, nationality, and socio-economic group (Kaur & Garg, 2008; Thomas, 1993 as cited in Pandora, 2009), its research should not be assumed or imperiled to conjecture but should be subjected to inclusiveness and empirical scrutiny on an equal gender basis, however, this is not always the case.

In Trinidad and Tobago, a common perception is that DV is a heteronormative and gendered experience and that men are improbable victims of DV. Further, DV discourses and research on the island are subjected to restricted analyses based on stereotypical views of what the victims and abusers look like. Hogan (2016) argues that for many DV activists, the idea of male DV victimization is controversial as well as a fraught proposition and this applies to Trinidad and Tobago. As a result, what is needed in Trinidad and Tobago to debunk notions of DV victimization as a male perpetrated phenomenon are studies that clearly articulate the nature and extent of male DV victimization and its disclosure. Instructively, an emerging question within academia in Trinidad and Tobago is, “What about the men who are victims of DV?” As researchers, it was deemed important to understand the experiences of male victims of DV from a gender-neutral perspective and not automatically assume that all DV perpetrators are male and victims are female as to make such an assumption would be to re-victimize male victims of spousal violence.

Internationally, there are several studies that explore men’s experiences of female perpetrated DV and its disclosure (Barber, 2008; British Psychological Society, 2011; Dutton & White, 2013; Hogan et al., 2012; Huntley et al., 2019; Kimberg, 2008; Lambert, 2014; McCarrick, 2015; McCarrick et al., 2016; NCADV, 2015; Sorenson & Taylor, 2005; Sorenson & Thomas, 2009; Wallace at al., 2019), however, narrative studies on male victims of DV are rare (see Allen-Collinson, 2009a, 2009b; Corbally, 2011, 2015; Joseph-Edwards, 2016 as exceptions). This rarity of narrative studies on males as victims of female perpetrated DV and its disclosure is a lacuna in the academic literature. Despite the rarity of narrative studies on male DV victimization, the limited available research has indicated: (a) perpetrators of violence against males are mostly female (NCADV, 2015), (b) men find it incredibly difficult to talk about and disclose their experiences of DV because of the shame and emasculation they feel (McCarrick, 2015), (c) when men speak out about DV victimization, they are viewed as “the minority man” (McCarrick, 2015), and (d) there is a lack of recognition within society that men can be affected by DV (Hogan et al., 2012).

For many reasons, it is important to study men who experience DV victimization from women and their disclosure of this internationally. First, the issue of male DV victimization has been described as a “greatly overlooked” and “critical issue” (Zverina et al., 2011). Second, DV is frequently framed in the context of an aggressive male perpetrator and a victimized female partner (Dutton & White, 2013), with the victim being depicted “as female, small, timid, oppressed and the abuser as male, large, brutish, aggressive” (Pandora, 2009) or that of “a man physically beating/abusing a woman/female partner” (Verma & Raina, 2014, p. 20). In this restricted framework of “gender asymmetry” (Dobash & Dobash, 2004), men are therefore stereotyped as sole perpetrators of DV victimization (Hearn, 1998). These stereotypical views are frivolous, vexatious, damaging, and dangerous as they leave one group of individuals (males) in a marginalized state, usually at the expense of the “other” victimized group (females). Third, there are many researchers, policymakers, and other individuals with particular ideological leanings who obdurately refuse to admit the presence of female perpetrated DV. They also refuse to take in the full panoramic view of DV, which includes female-on-male violence (Elam, 2016) and a multiplicity of other dyads of DV (see Nelson, 2017). Fourth, further research is required to understand men’s experiences of DV victimization and disclosure as the development of support systems and policies to address men’s needs are dependent on having a clear understanding of abused men and their experiences (Ansara & Hindin, 2010).

In light of the foregoing, this study addresses the gap in the existing literature on male victims of DV victimization and its disclosure by conducting a qualitative study of men as victims of female perpetrated DV in Trinidad and Tobago. From a “family violence” perspective, this included verbal, physical, and sexual aggression and coercive control. The study utilized a qualitative approach as most studies on DV victimization are quantitative and facilitate very little exploration of individual experiences (Laskey et al., 2019). The qualitative approach also facilitates an enhanced understanding of the context of male DV victimization and provides much-needed insights into disclosure and non-disclosure of spousal abuse suffered by men. Instructively, the study aimed to understand how men in Trinidad and Tobago experience DV abuse from their female partners as well as their disclosure of that abuse.

Background

Trinidad and Tobago is a relatively small nation of 1.35 million people (Government of Trinidad and Tobago, 2017). The nation is a twin-island Republic and is the most southerly of the Caribbean islands. As it relates to gender norms on the island, though the Trinidad and Tobago society is patriarchal in its ontology (Wallace et al., 2019), suspected female offenders are treated in a similar manner to North American criminal justice systems that treats women in a chivalrous manner (see Jeffries et al., 2003; Sorenson & Taylor, 2005). Males in Trinidad and Tobago are generally socialized from an early age to respect females and this respect extends to non-violence as well as non-retaliatory violence towards females. In terms of the cultural context and gender, one of the main problems in Trinidad and Tobago is the cultural tendency towards gynocentrism or the tendency where the needs, wants, and desires of women are continually put ahead of all others (Elam, 2016). Unfortunately, the effect of gynocentrism is that it creates a cultural default on the micro and macro level where women’s DV victimization is a call to action and a man’s DV victimization is seen as a distraction and a taboo (Elam, 2016). In the context of Trinidad and Tobago, the authors of this article submit that gynocentrism pervades the CJS and the society, hence the lack of understanding in the jurisdiction of the male DV experience and the rationales behind its disclosure/non-disclosure.

Domestic Violence

DV is referred to as battering and intimate partner abuse (IPA), however, within recent times, the term DV has been supplanted in some quarters by the term “intimate partner violence” (IPV) so as to explicitly include people who are in non-marital relationships (Sorenson & Thomas, 2009). In this article, the authors use the term DV as it is extensively used in Trinidad and Tobago by both police and victims to describe forms of relationship conflict, additionally, “DV” is a household term. Legislation guiding the offense also refers to this form of violence as DV. In Trinidad and Tobago, DV is defined by the Domestic Violence Act Chapter 45:56, Act 27 of 1999 as amended by 8 of 2006 to include “physical, sexual, emotional or psychological or financial abuse committed by a person against a spouse, child, any other person who is a member of the household or dependent.” In this article, the term DV will be used to refer to spousal violence and violence of a domestic nature between intimate partners, but excludes violence against persons with familial relationships with the abuser such as children and/or older family members.

Importance of the Study

As a topic of inquiry, male DV victimization and its disclosure has garnered little attention from researchers in Trinidad and Tobago, and typically, where it is acknowledged, it is only done so cursorily as a passing reference (see World Health Organization, 2002, 2006, as an example). This limited nature of research on male DV victimization is highlighted by van Wijk (2012) who points out that “there have been some efforts to identify DV prevalence rates in the Caribbean, but unfortunately, only DV against women and children has been studied and that virtually nothing is known about DV against men in the Caribbean, or its consequences” (p. 21). Due to the lack of empirical studies on male DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago, there is a false premise that DV only affects women on the island. This false premise has facilitated the growth of notions of DV victimization in a gender-biased manner as discourses on DV in Trinidad and Tobago are generally framed, conceptualized, understood, and responded to on female-gendered lines, while male victims of DV suffer in shame, silence, and seclusion (Shuler, 2010; Webster-Roy, 2016). However, just as treatment decisions ought to be based on sound empirical assessments, our understanding of DV victimization and its subsequent disclosure should be wide-ranging and limitless, without regard to gendered considerations or gendered inequalities.

Methods and Materials

Approval for the conduct of the study was received from the Ethics Committee of The University of the West Indies, St. Augustine. To ensure that valid pictures of the lived experiences of male victims of female perpetrated DV on the island were obtained, a phenomenological approach was used to capture the actual situations as perceived and lived by the men as phenomenology describes the phenomenon, rather than explain it. Further, phenomenology is very effective in bringing to the fore the experiences and perceptions of individuals from their own perspectives (Stanley & Wise, 1993). As DV is a pervasive social issue, it is important to understand common experiences for the development of practices and policies or to develop a deeper understanding about the features of the phenomenon (Creswell, 2007; Lester, 1999, pp. 1–4). The study utilized an inductive approach that is generally associated with qualitative research where the researchers began with an open mind, without any preconceived ideas of what will be found. The inductive approach was used to avoid imposing external points of view on the study’s results (Entilli & Cipolletta, 2017). Three research questions (RQs) sought to make sense of men’s experiences with DV victimization and disclosure in Trinidad and Tobago, namely:

RQ1. How do the men experience DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?

RQ2. How do the men cope with their DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?

RQ3. How do the men disclose their experiences of DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?

Sample Technique

Recruitment flyers inviting men to participate in the study were posted in community establishments such as groceries, parking lots, police stations, barber salons, business places, men’s support groups, places of worship, and agencies that dealt with familial issues. A contact number was provided on the recruitment flyer to allow prospective respondents to contact the primary researcher. Those individuals who responded were screened for eligibility by the primary researcher prior to being interviewed to ensure that they met study’s criteria. The inclusion criterion was: (a) be a male citizen of Trinidad and Tobago, (b) experienced at least one act of DV victimization in the past 12 months by a current or former partner (spouse, common-law union, girlfriend or mother of their child), and (c) be 18-years-old and older.

In order to attain a sample of male victims of DV for this study, a non-probability sampling technique using purposive and snowball sampling was utilized. Participants were selected from sites due to the specific characteristics or phenomena under study (Devers & Frankel, 2000). Several men who initially volunteered as participants in the study subsequently recommended other males who were known to them as victims of DV (snowball sampling). Snowball sampling was utilized due to its applicability to the current effort based on the sensitive and hard to reach nature of the population under inquiry—male victims of female perpetrated DV (Berg, 2004; Lee, 1993). The sample consisted of 10 male victims of DV and the data gathered through a series of semi-structured interviews. Although the sample size may appear small, the study is qualitative in nature, focusses on rich contextual data and not the number of participants, and used a sample size comparable to studies conducted by Bates (2019; N = 13), Entilli and Cipolletta (2017; N = 20), Migliaccio (2002; N = 12), and Morgan and Wells (2016; N = 7).

Data Collection

Based on the nature of the study, the researchers set out to recruit men who were harmed by female partners within intimate relationships. The study was advertised through social media (e.g., WhatsApp, Facebook), however, a great majority of the participants were recruited through a service organization catering specifically for men in Trinidad and Tobago (The Single Father’s Association). The primary researcher conducted semi-structured, face to face interviews with each participant during eight months in 2016. A semi-structured interview sheet containing 20 open- and close-ended questions was utilized to guide the data collection process. The interview sheet included questions on demographics as well as on DV victimization. Some of the key questions included, but was not limited to:

Has your partner ever hit you, hurt you, or threatened you? If yes, how and how often?

Have you and your partner ever had physical fights?

Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you did not want to?

Has your partner ever injured you? If yes, did you seek medical attention for your injuries? If no, why not?

Have you suffered any physical or psychological health effects, economic, social, or other effects due to abuse by your partner?

Have you ever reported your victimization to any state agency? If not, why not?

How did you do to cope with the abuse by your partner?

As the interviews were semi-structured, the participants were allowed to tell their stories in an unhindered manner. Prompts were used by the primary researcher and this encouraged the participants to provide detailed responses (Rubin & Rubin, 2005). The interviews were audiotaped, with two hours allotted for each interview and the last 15 minutes used for debriefing. Before the semi-structured interviews began, the primary researcher and the participants were informally introduced to each other in order to reduce the tension associated with sensitive research, such as DV. To ensure authenticity of the research, the primary researcher provided the participants with an introductory letter from The University of the West Indies, St. Augustine indicating the nature and purpose of the research. Informed consent and non-disclosure forms were signed by the participants and counter-signed by the primary researcher.

In attempt to protect the identity of the participants, they were assigned numbers for coding purposes. Only the primary researcher was privy to the numbers that matched the names of the participants. The participants were informed of confidentiality, anonymity, and protection of their rights as participants in the study and that they would not be judged by their responses. Participants were also informed that if at any time during the interview they felt overwhelmed, they should notify the interviewer and that they could take a break or end the interview without any penalty. At the conclusion of the interview, participants were thanked for their participation in the study, debriefed and provided with a list of organizations that are affiliated with the restoration of health and well-being to assist the participants if they needed any form of assistance (benefits assistance, mental health therapy, and substance abuse treatment).

Data Analysis

Audiotapes of the interview conducted by the primary researcher were transcribed verbatim and analysed by both authors using thematic analysis. This method is an approach used by qualitative researchers to identify, analyse, and report patterns and themes (Braun & Clarke, 2006). The six-step guide developed by Braun and Clarke (2006) informed the basis of analyses and after the analyses were conducted, several themes emerged. The themes were identified, categorized and codes developed within each theme. Following the interpretation of data from other transcripts, coded themes were collated and placed in a data table. Thereafter, the information under each of the themes for the entire sample were evaluated and analyzed in terms of the emerging themes. Quality assurance checks were carried out on the recordings and matched with the transcripts. This was done in an effort to ensure credibility of data and that the transcriptions were representative of the audiotaped conversations. The researchers also conducted rigorous comparison between the transcripts and specific themes that were highlighted during the data analyses. Importantly, notes and themes from the analyses were kept by the researchers and this provided an audit trail from the recorded narratives to interpreted themes and this demonstrates reliability (Shaw, 2010). Both researchers also classified patterns between categories with the aid of axial coding, followed by a presentation and interpretation of the data.

Results and Discussion

The participants’ average age was 38 years. Other demographic data of the 10 participants are listed in Table 1.

Table 1.

Participants’ Demographics.

Ethnicity	Religion	Highest Level of Education	Employment Typology	Area of Residence	Residential Typology
African (N = 3)	Christian (N = 6)	University degree (N = 6)	Fulltime, permanent (N = 7)	Central Trinidad (N = 3)	Renting (N = 4)
East Indian (N = 5)	Hindu (N = 2)	Vocational training (N = 3)	Self-employed business owners (N = 2)	East Trinidad (N = 4)	Homeowner (N = 3)
Mixed/Caucasian (N = 2)	Muslim (N = 2)	Secondary school (N = 1)	Part-time (N = 1)	West Trinidad (N = 1)	Residing with parents (N = 2)
				South Trinidad (N = 1)	Marina (N = 1)
				North Trinidad (N = 1)

Source: Fieldwork (2016).

Main Themes

The researchers created themes from the participant’s narratives for each RQ (refer to the Section “Methods and Materials”). The themes that emanated from the data are discussed in the following paragraphs.

RQ1. How do the men experience DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?

Main Theme 1: Aggression

Sub-theme 1: Impact and regularity of physical abuse, physical aggression, and violent behaviors

The 10 participants reported having experienced physical abuse within the past year. The majority reported major abuse such as being hit with an object or attacked with a weapon (electric iron and kitchen pots), being choked and bitten and one even reported having a scalding pot of food thrown at him. Four of the respondents reported having experienced abuse involving pushing, shoving, or slapping. Three reported being abused in the presence of small children. For three of the respondents, the abuse resulted in physical injuries that warranted a visit to seek medical attention. One respondent went to a health facility but left without seeing the physician as he was too ashamed to report that his female partner had injured him. Another participant who was struck on the neck by his abuser and who was too ashamed to seek care got a neck brace from a sibling that he wore for weeks. For these men, the regularity with which they were physically abused became part of their daily regimen of life and formed an integral part of their existence. For example, Participant #1 stated, “I would allow my wife to physically abuse me until she was satisfied”, while Participant #3 pointed out that:

The physical abuse started within the first three months of the marriage and escalated by the sixth or seventh month when my wife would fly into a rage, rip my shirt and tear it away from my body while punching, slapping and kicking me.

Participant #6, who had been married for 20 years quipped:

I was hit on the lip with a blunt object because my wife was angry that I was spending too much time with my friends and she wanted to travel with her friends. When I refused to respond to her request, she hit me with the object.

According to Participant #6, the DV incident mentioned earlier occurred in the presence of their children and other family members, however, he did not retaliate, left the marital home, and stayed with friends and family members for night as he thought that he could reason with his wife later on. However, on returning home the following day, he met his wife ironing some items of clothing, and without warning, she placed the hot iron on his chest. Participant #6 stated:

My wife stamped [placed] the hot iron on my chest one day while she was ironing. All because I hung out with my friends and family. I bear a lifetime scar on my chest due to this burn. (Participant #6)

Participant #5 pointed out that he was married for three years, however, the relationship was marred with issues of trust and physical abuse. This participant indicated that it was his second marriage and that his present wife was his ideal soul mate until her two daughters from a previous relationship began residing with them. He stated that both his wife and he worked on a shift system and that at times he would be at home alone with the two minor girls aged were four and six. Participant #5 painfully stated:

On my wife’s arrival from work, she would glance at me in a suspicious manner, grab me by the collar, push me in a corner, slap me across the face, and demand that I relate to her something that she assumed I did to the girls.

Participant #5 stated that his wife would hit him repeatedly and choke him by pulling his shirt or vest around his throat for him to say that he did something to her two daughters. Instructively, this participant’s wife would physically abuse him in front of the crying children. Participant #5 also submitted that he was humiliated on every occasion that he suffered DV victimization at the hands of his wife, however, he could not leave her. In a soft tone he muttered:

There was no reason for her abusive behavior towards me, she never trusted me with her daughters. I told her that I loved the children as my own, but she never believed me.

The finding of DV victimization by way of physical violence perpetrated by female partners against male partners in Trinidad and Tobago is consistent with that of Galarneau (2018) who pointed out that men are likely to experience severe forms of physical violence from their female partners. This finding is also complemented by that of Ansara and Hindin (2010) and Drijber et al. (2013) who submit that male victims of DV are often physically (as well as psychologically) abused by female (ex)-partner perpetrators.

Sub-theme 2: Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse

A sub-theme that emerged from the dataset was emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse suffered by the study’s participants. The 10 participants reported having experienced the undermining of their confidence, name-calling, and being insulted. Most of the participants intimated that they felt emasculated and betrayed because they did not expect to be emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abused within their marriage. Three of the respondents questioned themselves as to whether they were as bad as their partners made them out to be or whether their wives were simply impossible to please. One respondent stated: “It was easier to accept being struck than being insulted.”

Participant #7, a married male of four years, was educated at a technical school, while his wife was tertiary level educated. This participant pointed out that whenever he and his wife were in the company of her friends and he spoke, she would look at him with scorn and derision because his grammar was below her acceptable standard. This participant indicated that on return to their marital home after evenings of socializing with her friends, his wife would call him names and insult him by saying, for example:

You are a “dunce,” you should restrict your conversations to the home and not embarrass me when we are in the company of my friends.

This individual sighed while telling his story and added that he felt worthless and lacking in self-esteem due to the emotional abuses he endured from his wife.

Participant #4 was married for five years, resided at the home of his in-laws and was the father of a son who was named after him. Before he told his story, Participant #4 stated:

I would have preferred if my wife had beaten me every day rather than have to go through the psychological abuse that I endured for the past three years.

Participant #4 indicated that his intention was to stay at his in-laws’ house for a short while, save some monies, and then purchase his own home together with his wife. He intimated that the DV victimization came in small doses but that he did not realize it until he began therapy. He said that his wife would taunt him and talk about the shape of his head and his broad nose to hurt his feelings and would often mention that she prayed that their son never looked like him and would taunt him by saying: “You sure he is your child?” He explained that his wife targeted his feelings, emotions, and “soft spots” which she knew he had. Participant #4 maintained that his marriage was never given a chance to blossom and remain stunted. Participant #4 pointed out:

whenever I returned home from work that I had to clean up after my wife and her family while they relaxed looking at soap operas and playing video games.

Participant #4 indicated that he expressed his feelings of disgust to his wife but that she refused to listen and was never interested in letting anyone intervene in their domestic affairs. He felt that he was married to her family and that he was the ultimate domestic worker. Participant #4 also pointed out that several illegal thoughts crossed his mind, however, he never acted upon them and eventually found a small apartment and left the “martial home.” He related that his wife told him hurtful things about the size of his feet and his inability to provide a home for her, etc. According to Participant #4:

I could not explain what was happening until my employers recognized that my productivity level had fallen and decided to send me for counseling.

The finding of psychological and verbal forms of DV victimization meted out to male respondents in this study by their female partners in Trinidad and Tobago is hardly surprising and is consistent with the finding by Galarneau (2018) who submits that men were more likely to be the victims of psychological abuse and verbal abuse in the absence of either physical or sexual violence.

Main Theme 2: Coercive control

Sub-theme 2: Controlling behaviors

In this study, several of the male respondents reported that their wives controlled them by threatening to take away custody of their children, threatening to kill themselves, falsely obtaining restraining orders, questioning their sanity, and withholding affection. Participant #2 claimed that he questioned himself about his manhood as his partner continuously harassed him about not being a man. He indicated that on many occasions his wife told him: “You are just a sperm donor and a poor white dog,” while on other occasions his wife informed him openly “You are a waste of time. I would pack your things send you back to your mother’s house.” This respondent indicated that he accepted the abuse because he could not do better.

Participant #3 stated that before marriage, his wife did not care how religious he was or how he dressed. However, after the marriage, she demanded that he wear religious clothing every day as an indication of his religious belief. This participant pointed out that he had a social life before they were married and that he was accustomed to wearing casual clothes even when they were courting. Participant #3 pointed out that his wife instructed him that since they were now married, he had to abide by the new rules that she had set. This participant also indicated that his wife was very controlling and aggressive as she would slap and punch him to his chest and head when he failed to conform to her “rules.” He also pointed out that his wife prevented him from socializing with his young female relatives and friends.

Participant #8 indicated that his hearing was challenged and that he came from a family of short people with humble beginnings and did not do academically well in school. As a means of income, he washed and polished vehicles every day and had many customers as he did a good job. He indicated that he became attracted to an older woman who lived in his community, and after a few months, they began dating and eventually living together as husband and wife. Participant #8 indicated that within the first three months of living together, his female partner asked him to stop washing vehicles and informed him that he should stay at home to assist her with the chores. Participant #8 revealed that he stayed at home and conducted domestic duties inclusive of cleaning the house, washing dishes, doing the laundry, and maintaining the surroundings. According to Participant #8:

One day my partner arrived from work, suddenly pulled out my hearing apparatus, shouted in my ear causing me to lose my balance, and fall to the ground unconscious.

Participant #8 indicated that his wife attempted to revive him by throwing a bucket of water on him, however, he was not taken for medical attention but was administered smelling salts so that he could regain consciousness. Participant #8 also recalled an incident when his female partner returned home unexpectedly while he was clearing some rubble in the yard. He indicated that she shouted at him to get into the house immediately, an instruction that he complied with; only to be pushed against a wall and stared at menacingly as a dirty teacup had remained unwashed in the sink. The respondent stated that his spouse shouted at him:

Since you are a washer by trade, you should ensure that the dishes are washed at all times and not left dirty in the kitchen sink.

This participant explained that he felt belittled, advantaged, and humiliated and wondered if the abuse meted out to him was because of his height or whether his wife simply wanted a “house husband.” He felt it unmanly to verbally attack or even retaliate, but instead contemplated his next move. This participant stated that one day after his spouse had left for work, he moved out of the home because by then the neighbors knew what was happening and started laughing at him.

The academic literature on males as victims of DV has detailed the extent of controlling behaviors by female partners towards their male spouses and this study was no different as some men experienced controlling behaviors from their female partners (see Bates, 2020; Bates & Graham-Kevan, 2016; Hines et al., 2007; Tilbrook et al., 2010 for support).

Main Theme 3: Sexual aggression

Sub-theme 3: Sexual abuse

Only one respondent admitted to having been sexually abused by his female spouse. Participant #1 seemed ashamed to recount the details of his sexual abuse and he struggled to find words to explain what his wife had done to him. He intimated that on several occasions, his wife would take out her anger on him through sexual encounters and if he was not willing to have sex with her as often as she wanted:

she would force me to turn around and use a sex toy on me, which was painful and sickening to me.

This respondent also stated that on occasions, his wife would demand that he perform sexual duties on her, even though it was degrading for him to do so. Participant #1 said that he hated himself because he did not marry to be a “sex toy” and this behavior had not been part of their courtship. He also indicated that if he had known that he was being married to become a sexual object, then he would not have gotten married. According to this participant:

She could do me what she wish during sex and I couldn’t complain, I had to comply. Sex was very upsetting, no love at all.

The finding of sexual abuse in this study, though limited to one participant, is supported in the international literature by Ansara and Hindin (2010), Bates (2017), Machado et al. (2016), and Morgan and Wells (2016) who found the existence of sexual abuse by females against their male partners which included forced sexual encounters, insertion of vibrators into the anus of their male partners, and complete control of their sex life.

Main Theme 4: Financial abuse

Six of the men in the study reported having experienced financial abuse by their wives. Every dollar had to be accounted for and when there was a lack of accounting, emotional, and even physical abuse ensued and they were forced to endure the consequences. For example, Participant #9 said that his wife counted five weeks into every month of the year as a way of getting extra money from him. According to Participant #9:

My wife would steal my bank slips and would overprice any and everything she bought just to scam me of my money.

Participant #9 also indicated that his wife would use his money to pamper herself at the beauty parlor, purchase expensive clothes, and dine out at high end eating places. Participant #9 stated that the only time his wife would call him and send him pleasantries was on the day he was being paid his salary. He indicated that his wife would force him to give her extra money by being physically loving and saying complimentary things, however, he recognized that he was being played but that he loved her unconditionally. This participant claimed that he worked hard and gave his wife most of his money just to make her happy while he remained financially strapped. Participant #9 stated that he felt something was wrong with that arrangement but did not know what it was and never interpreted it as abuse until he read about it on the internet. This participant stated that he felt trapped and alone because he had no one to speak to about the financial abuse so he decided to speak to his wife about the extravagant spending. He indicated that his wife listened for a short while and then told him calmly,

There are other people out there who are willing to give me what I want.

Participant #9 said that on hearing his wife’s response he froze and became speechless, while she stared at him with a blank face and a smirk on her lips. After a few seconds she said to him:

Yuh cyah make love on hungry belly, and I am high maintenance.

Participant #10 intimated that although he worked in a prestigious organization, his wife of 11 years was a professional who had reached the highest rung of her professional career. He explained that while he was proud of her achievements, he remained confused about her financial contributions towards the home. He stated that he never understood why he had to pay all the bills, purchase home furnishings, and still give her and the children money to meet their daily financial obligations. According to Participant #10:

I worked outside of Trinidad and Tobago and would return home every other month. On my arrival, I would be greeted with bills and personal financial requests.

Given the circumstances, this participant pointed out that he remained calm and took a keen interest in what was happening until he realized that he was being taken advantage of financially. Participant #10 stated that on one occasion, his wife left several of her bank statements on the kitchen counter and he saw the amount of money she had accumulated in her bank accounts.

Participant #10 said that he was in a state of disbelief on seeing the value of wealth that his wife had amassed over the years. He admitted that he consumed large quantities of alcoholic beverages which allowed him to cope and hide his feelings. He said he felt used and abused by his wife, decided that there had to be a win-win result, but was unsure of how to address the situation. In his search for answers, he confronted his wife who went pale in color when she was unable to defend the financial abuse, she committed against him. She managed to say that she never liked spending her money and preferred to spend his earnings. In the same breath, she admitted that she had a problem and would be willing to seek help. Participant #10 explained:

It was happening a long time ago. I never expected such behavior from my wife, she forgot how I struggled to reach where I got, to me she was selfish and uncaring in that respect but we will try to work together and sort out our problem. It was a lesson well learnt.

Another study’s participant explained that his wife made harsh demands for him to earn more money to the point that he began working three jobs to satisfy her financial demands. He indicated that no matter how much extra monies he earned, his wife spent it on frivolous items for herself and denied him any access to the money. This finding of financial abuse of males by their female intimate partner is consistent with the international literature (see Bates & Graham-Kevan, 2016; Drijber et al., 2013).

The participant’s narratives of victimization by their female intimate partners highlight different typologies of victimization suffered by the male participants in this study. Of much importance is the data indicating that the violence suffered by the male victims appeared to be intimate terrorism violence (Safariolyaei & Amiri, 2017) or the situation where one partner seeks to control the other through physical violence, manipulation, intimidation, isolation, and psychological abuse, and not common-couple violence where both parties are equally violent. This can be explained as a function of gender norms that possibly led to the female perpetrated abuse as elicited from the participant’s narratives. As discussed earlier, the socialization of males in Trinidad and Tobago is premised on respect for, and non-violence towards women and the lack of retaliation by the study’s participants towards their female abusers may be as a result of their socialization. Further, the gynocentric nature of Trinidad and Tobago’s society might have also accounted for the abuse suffered by the males in the study.

RQ2. How do the men cope with their DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?

Main Theme 1: Avoidance

Five of the study’s participants indicated they avoided their abusive female partners so as to avoid confrontations and either returned home late or stayed out late (avoidance). One participant stated that he stayed away from his home and gambled slot machines, while another coped with his abuse by staying on his yacht and visiting the matrimonial house unexpectedly in order to reduce the household tension. Participant #5 stated that in order to reduce the tension at home and to cope with his DV abuse:

I would park my vehicle on any taxi stand where there were people waiting to travel and take them to their destinations. If there were no people traveling, I would simply drive my vehicle for hours and play reggae music for entertainment until I feel that my wife asleep before returning to the matrimonial home.

Another male victim of DV submitted that he sat in his car, sometimes for hours, listening to inspirational messages and music to soothe his mind before going home, while Participant #6, a male who had experienced major physical abuse, stayed away from the marital home as a coping strategy and made a living wherever he felt comfortable.

Main Theme 2: Alcohol consumption

Two male participants in the study indicated that they consumed alcohol to mask their problems and ease the emotional pain caused by their female perpetrated DV. According to Respondent #8:

If it had not been for alcohol, I would have lost my cool and do something real stupid.

Participant #7 indicated that he relied heavily on alcohol in order to cope with the stresses of DV abuse from his wife. This individual sighed frequently while telling his story and added that he regularly consumed alcohol to help him to cope with his emotions as he felt worthless and that the alcohol would take away his sadness and made him feel more relaxed. According to Participant #7:

Ah drink alcohol to help deal with my emotions, it wasn’t easy, feeling numb was better. Ah feel unwanted, worthless, and used. The alcohol stopped my sadness and helped me to cope and put me in a relaxed mind. If ah didn’t drink alcohol, ah don’t know what would have happened. Ah keep up for my daughters who needed me.

Main Theme 3: Physical exercise (Yoga)

One male victim of DV victimization stated that he had tried “everything” including yoga, which he would access through YouTube for instructions as it helped him to release his stress, pain and allowed him to think clearly.

Main Theme 4: Acceptance

At least two male victims of DV victimization perpetrated by their female partners indicated they remained quiet in the face of their abuse and accepted their fate due to embarrassment, love, and commitment to the relationship. According to Participant #4:

I coped by staying quiet in face of abuse by my wife, but I eventually snapped after she [wife] woke me up one night and tell me that I cannot sleep until I complete some housework.

The finding that some male victims of female perpetrated DV in Trinidad and Tobago develop coping mechanisms, remain in abusive relationships and do not seek help for their spousal abuse for reasons such as love and commitment to the relationship, is in congruence with international literature, for example, by Tsui et al. (2010) and Huntley et al. (2019) who pointed out that some men remain in abusive relationships due to commitment to the relationship in spite of being victims of spousal abuse, rather than seeking help.

The finding that men in this study coped with their DV abuse in several ways, inclusive of retaliation, crying, praying, leaving the house, exercising, consuming alcohol, staying away from home for extended periods, and engaging fully in their work is consistent with research findings of Walker (1985) who described these coping mechanisms as placatory techniques to appease the abusers and reduce potential conflict, even assuming “self-blame,” and asking what have they “done wrong” to “provoke” the abuse. Additionally, the coping strategies employed by male victims of DV victimization by their female partners in Trinidad and Tobago were emotion-focused (Heckhausen & Schulz, 1995; Kemp et al., 1995) rather than problem-focused and are consistent with the findings of Tsui et al. (2010) who submit that very few males cope with DV victimization by seeking help from social services, a problem-focused coping approach.

RQ3. How do the men disclose their experiences of DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago?

Another aim of this research was to determine the rationales for disclosure of DV victimization to persons within the victimized males’ social network or state agencies. While the other RQs were fully explored, this RQ was not fully answered as the male victims of DV were more willing and focused on sharing their life experiences as victims of DV and the manner in which they coped with their DV victimization. However, a consistent thread that ran throughout the interviews was that the male victims of DV were mortified and embarrassed to disclose their victimization to individuals within their social support system as well as to the Police and other state agencies for fear of emasculation or being viewed as “less than manly.” With this in mind, the main theme for non-disclosure of DV victimization as espoused by the male victims of DV in Trinidad and Tobago was embarrassment.

In spite of the participant’s reluctance to discuss their disclosure of DV victimization, at least three of the males indicated their rationales for disclosing their victimization to persons within their social network in the following manner:

Participant #3: “I shared by DV victimization with my father because he was aware of what was happening and he asked me to seek religious counsel.”

Participant #4: “My DV victimization was discovered by my employers as they found that my productivity levels had dropped significantly.”

Participant #8: “One day a customer saw my demeanor and asked ‘short man you are not looking like your normal self. . .is something wrong?’ I broke down in tears and told the customer what was happening to me.”

Based on the narratives proffered by Participants 3, 4, and 8 regarding their DV victimization disclosure, the disclosure about their DV victimization was not done willingly. In fact, based on their narratives, their DV victimization was discovered by others and the participants simply acquiesced and spoke of their victimization. These finding of non-disclosure by the study’s participants are supported in the international literature by the works of Huntley et al. (2019), McCarrick (2015), Tsui et al. (2010), and Wallace et al. (2019) who submit that male victims of DV do disclose their victimization (and thus not seek help) for fear of being viewed negatively by police officers and the public, shame and embarrassment, denial, stigmatization, and fear and commitment to relationships, and fear of emasculation.

Implications for Practice and Policy

The data emanating from the study is an indication that studies on DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago should not be restricted to prior research and activism where men are primarily cast as perpetrators and women as victims, that spousal violence should be viewed as a “human issue” in the context of psychological supremacy, rather than through gendered lens of femininity and masculinity, and the importance of enhancing and contemporizing our views and theoretical understandings of male DV victimization. The findings of this study have implications for practice and policy as the findings can be utilized by professionals, service providers, legislators, educators, NGOs, and community residents to better understand male DV victimization on the island. The findings can also be considered when formulating policies on DV victimization and lay the groundwork for further research on males as victims of DV as conventional wisdom suggests that there is a problem of silent, ashamed and invisible male victims of DV in Trinidad and Tobago. The study’s findings can also be utilized to sensitize the public on issues surrounding male DV victimization, thus fostering greater understandings of the experiences of men and encourage a more balanced, gender-informed perspective of DV. From a policy perspective, the current research effort highlights the need for further gender-inclusive research and for policymakers on the island to consider whether their services are fit for practice based on the research.

Limitations of the Study

A major limitation of the current effort is that pre-existing data on male DV victimization in Trinidad and Tobago was unavailable and this precluded the attainment of a sample frame for the researchers. Another limitation of the study was the use of snowballing sampling (the referral of participants to researchers) that leads to a breach in anonymity between participants and may cause potential participants to hesitate or even refuse to participate in studies of a sensitive nature. There are also innate methodological problems with retrospection, emasculation, and recalling lived experiences of individuals (Kimmel, 2001) and this affected the current research. For instance, several participants in this study were unable to fully recall information. Further, male victims of female perpetrated DV are quite likely to downplay the frequency with which they were abused by their female partners because it would be too emasculating to admit (Kimmel, 2001). In fact, while the participants appeared genuine in their conversations and disclosure of their prior DV victimization, at times, the effect of emasculation appeared to be an undercurrent as was evident by their tonal quality and timidity. Findings from the sample of 10 participants was another of the study’s limitation as the findings cannot be generalized, nonetheless, it offers a rich source of data and provides a valuable base on which to build (Procter et al., 2010). Despite the study’s limitations, the analyses offer unique and important views into the lives of male victims of DV in Trinidad and Tobago, contributes to an underdeveloped area of research, adds to a limited qualitative knowledge base on male victims of DV, its disclosure, and male coping mechanism in the face of DV victimization, and offers future practice considerations.

Conclusion

The research set out to examine the under-acknowledged issue of men as victims of DV in Trinidad and Tobago and aimed to understand how men in Trinidad and Tobago experience spousal abuse and disclosure of that abuse from female partners. Each participant’s experience was different and provided a rich contextual description of the type of abuse, the context in which DV victimization occurred, coping mechanisms utilized to assist with the DV experience and their experience of disclosure of victimization. The findings suggest that there is a body of males on the island who reside in silence, shame, seclusion, and invisibility as victims of DV perpetrated by their female partners. For these men, reporting their DV victimization is an exercise in embarrassment, and the idea of being viewed as less than manly by reporting agencies serves to dissuade them from lodging official complaints about their DV experiences. The authors of this article are anticipative that the data emanating from the research will illuminate the plight of men as victims of DV and inform debates on what occurs behind “closed doors.” By perusing this heuristic article, the doors to enhancing our capacity to understand and possibly meet the needs of male victims of DV will slowly open. Further, by viewing men as victims of DV, we can disentangle underlying anti-male agendas and prejudices of some existing DV researchers.

Footnotes

Acknowledgements

The authors of this article would like to acknowledge the 10 male victims of “domestic violence” in Trinidad and Tobago who participated in this important study. The authors also acknowledge Dr. Linda Hadeed for her invaluable work on the uncut version of this article.

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The authors declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding

The authors received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

ORCID iD

Wendell C. Wallace

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