Mission to ‘Those of Riper Years’

Introduction

I find it difficult to describe those people who I want to talk about, without sounding patronising or offensive. Do we describe them as old people? older? mature? old age pensioners? retired? seniors? senile? over 75s? I am not comfortable in using any of these titles. Recently I came across a name which I do like – for those of riper years! It occurs in the splendid Anglican Book of Common Prayer (BCP), written in the 16nth century and, among other wonderful prayers for church liturgy, it has a section headed ‘The order of Baptism for Those of Riper Years’. I like that and, as one of riper years myself, I will use it throughout this paper.

My contention is that much of the modern church, especially, but not exclusively, in the developed Western world, largely ignores the needs of those of riper years. As an illustration of this, whilst many churches have specific pastors for young people, few, none to my knowledge, have specific pastors for older people. I recently looked up the classified sections in an international Christian magazine and counted the number of advertisements for different groups in the church. In the latest three editions there were four for senior Pastors, there were two for music leaders, two for church administrators, 37 for youth workers and for those for those of riper years? – none! It is true that in many churches the main ministerial staff, being older and closer in age, feel less need for extra help with these folk of riper years, but it is all too easy for such folk to slip away and get lost as they get older.

In this paper I would like to spell out the specific needs and opportunities for those of riper years, to discuss their particular problems, problems which are greater now than in the past, to seek the biblical position and then to suggest ways forward for mission to those of riper years.

Why We Have a Problem with Those of Riper Years

The situation regarding folk getting to the end of their lives has changed radically over the last hundred years. The tradition would have been for older folk to live in multi-generational households, where parents, children and grandparents grew up, and lived, in the same house together. The younger generation, the parents, looked after the needs of the grandparents as well as the children. As they got unwell, and nearer to death, they would have been looked after by their children. Increasingly, especially in the prosperous West, social mobility has meant that the ‘children’ have left home after university and training, and moved to other towns, away from their families, often to other countries, to work. The family unit has been fragmented and the family dispersed. As those of riper years have grown older, and physically less well, they have become less independent and more dependent upon others and find that their families have moved away from them with other commitments. The problem has been exacerbated by the breakdown of local communities. Traditionally, local communities were mutually supportive, especially when they had been living in very tight, close, ‘back to back’ dwellings in industrial cities. Around the 1970s, in the UK, many of these ‘slum’ communities were raised to the ground and replaced by blocks of high-rise flats. Whereas previously everyone was able to look out for, and look after, their neighbours (young and old) living in close proximity, now they were looking out into space, rarely seeing their neighbours except in the central lift. Modern health services have prevented the diseases which would have proved fatal around the age of 70, and hence we have people living well into their 80s or 90s. Many of those of riper years find themselves living alone away from their family. A recent (2019) survey by Age UK estimated that ‘over 5 million older people (in the UK) say their television or pets are their main form of company’.

Ironically, many of the problems discussed here are largely confined to the ‘affluent West’. In the ‘South’ far more families still grow up in multi-generational units where the young necessarily look after their older relatives sharing their home together. Many do not have the luxury of a well-paid retirement where folk can stop working around the age of 60 and have no profitable occupation to keep them busy in their older years. Indeed for many, older folk do not have many years of retirement at the end of their lives but need to work up to, or close to, their death.

Problems for Those of Riper Years

As one gets older the physical problems and limitations become greater. In the poem As You Like It, Shakespeare speaks of the seven ages of man, of which the seventh, the last, is old age. There one becomes ‘sans teeth, sans taste, sans eyes, sans everything’. A depressing situation indeed, but even in these days of advanced medical care, it can become a reality for many folks in their riper years. Apart from the loss of physical health, bereavement can occur with the loss of a partner, loss of employment with the associated loss of status and self-esteem, loss of the capacity to fulfil physical mobility and exercise, loss of ability to drive a car and travel, even to go shopping and frequently the loss of the ability to take part in normal conversation. Those of riper years often are obliged to live very restricted and lonely lives.

Bereavement is very common for those of riper years. When we use this term, we initially think of a person losing a long-term partner or a member of their family. Such bereavement is very acute, especially for older folk whose reserves of mental strength are less; to have lost the love and support of a lifelong partner is, for many, sad and painful beyond description. People do not get over the loss of a partner, they have to come to terms with a life alone and rebuild a different life. But bereavement does not just apply to the death of a wife or husband, it also applies to the loss of self-esteem and self-image. In so much of modern society our own view of oneself is tied up with what one does, be it employment in a job or work in the local church or community. Our ‘status’ in society is tied up in what we do. When old age and lack of fitness prevent us from doing good things, we feel bereaved. Though we are human beings, society conditions us to think of ourselves as human-doings, and a real sense of bereavement comes with being bereaved of such worthwhile activities.

There is much in the Bible extolling that ‘the righteous will flourish like a palm tree’ (Ps 92 v12) and preachers readily seize on such optimistic verses. Many of those of riper years find this unconvincing; they feel more like withering than flourishing, causing them to doubt their righteousness, and find their faith weakening. The message of ‘now, . . . and not yet’ needs to be applied. The flourishing will occur later, ‘in the courts of our God’ (Ps 92 v13), in Heaven. Furthermore we are assured that ‘they will bear fruit in old age’ (Ps 92 v14), with fruits of the spirit, with the fruits of the lives of children and grandchildren, with fruits of all those who have been met and influenced through earlier years, and with fruit of money given to Christian charities who are able to meet the needs of the poor and needy directly, as Jesus did.

Opportunities for Those of Riper Years

Of course, there is the flip side of growing old, which can be a very positive factor. On retirement from work, one is released from many commitments and is freed from the pressures of work. Usually, in the early years of retirement, one has the freedom and the health to travel, and to pursue one’s hobbies or to develop new ones. One also has the freedom and time to cultivate friends, and to serve in the church or the community. With health and sufficient wealth from a pension and release from parenting responsibilities, the early years of retirement can be very liberating with new opportunities for voluntary and charitable work. Unfortunately as one gets older, these freedoms become less through lack of mental and physical health.

The Bible’s Approach to Those of Riper Years

The Bible, and many more traditional societies, found much less of a problem with old age than we do. It was common for families to grow up together in multi-generational families, and for families to look after those getting older and nearer death. Moreover, older folk, those of riper years, are given respect by the community as well as the family for the wisdom they have acquired over their lifetime. They are not seen as a burden, a problem to be resolved, but as a source of wisdom to be respected. Indeed there are many examples in the Bible of old people being closer to God and doing remarkable things in the service of God. Children are expected to respect, and look after, their parents, indeed it is one of the commandments. The Fifth Commandment instructs us to ‘honor your father and mother’ (Exodus 20v12) and this is taken up by Jesus (Matt15 v4) and by Paul (Ephesians 6 vv2,3). It is said that there are 91 verses in the Bible, which repeat this same exhortation! One way that this could, should, be done is for children to look after their parents in their old age. Indeed, where this is being done, the problem of looking after those of riper years does not exist.

One central theme in God’s world order is that, after death, the life of a Christian will be far better, more glorious, in Heaven, free from pain and sickness. It has been commented that the funerals of the poor, especially of the old slave communities are times of great rejoicing where the deceased is liberated from all the problems of this world and has headed for the glories of Heaven. On the other hand, the funerals of many wealthy, white Westerners are times of grieving as those dying have been leading a very comfortable life in their materialistic world and are more comfortable there than in an uncertain future. The old black slaves would sing with gusto and conviction ‘this world is not my home, I’m just a-passing through’. This should of course be the celebration for all Christians; I still remember the joyous funeral service for my grandmother ending with a rousing organ playing the triumphant tune from Handel’s Messiah ‘I know that my redeemer liveth’!

Approaches to Old Age

A normal literature review starts with an issue and quotes what various authorities have to say about this issue. I have consciously chosen to reverse this order as I find different Christian leaders stress different issues.

David Winter (2013) sums up his approach to old age in the title, and subtitle, of his book At the End of the Day, Enjoying Life in the Departure Lounge. He stresses the need to accept positively the opportunities that old age produces. His advice is to relax and, as far as possible, enjoy your old age. He even gives permission to watch television in the afternoon and evening! He discusses the lives of some of the older folk in the Bible. Moses who died at 120 years (Deut 34 v7) was spared many of the physical ailments of old age ‘yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone’. Though he did not have the opportunity of entering the Promised Land, he did have the satisfaction of seeing it and handing the leadership over to the next generation, Joshua. Abraham, 175 years old (Genesis 25v7), and Sarah, 127 years old (Gen 23v1), both lead very active and profitable lives well into their riper years. Life goes on and the fulfilment of them can give great satisfaction and fulfilment.

John Stott (2010), universally known for his life, inspirational example and prolific writing, had to learn hard, but profound, lessons in old age through his own experience of incapacity for the last three years of his life. Known for his active, inspirational, independent living throughout his life, he had a stroke whilst preaching at All Souls Langham Place. Thereafter he was highly dependent on other people to provide for his basic needs (see Chapter 7, Dependence, in The Radical Disciple). He learnt through his own experience that it is God’s ordained plan that we should be dependent on others at the beginning and at the end of our lives. Dependence both on others and ultimately also on God Himself is God’s plan for us all. The independence that we so much strive to achieve through our lives is a product of man’s secular world and keeps us away from God. He stressed the vital importance of accepting this dependence on others, and on His Lord, positively.

Billy Graham (2011), towards the end of his long and glorious life, wrote Nearing Home, Life, Faith, and Finishing Well and, with his characteristic optimism and faith, stressed the glory that lie ahead of him as he journeyed with his saviour. His life was not spent considering the cares of the present but looked to the future and the hope of meeting his Lord and his, previously deceased, much loved, wife, Ruth. He died, as he had lived, with the Bible in his hand and this gave him hope for the future.

Paul Tournier (1972) approached the problems of old age as a psychiatric medic and wrote a very perceptive book called Learning to Grow Old. Again, the very title emphasises a key principle that we do not naturally accept the problems of old age – they need to be learnt. He stresses again the principle of acceptance. First, we need to accept the change of condition as we become bereaved when we give up our professional work, and all the associated self-image that we so acquire. He devotes a whole chapter to Acceptance (Tournier, 1972: 169–214), and stresses the need to actively accept the new condition that old age brings. Those who have had an active and positive professional life, especially, find it difficult to give up the habit of fighting, seeking to change, the conditions that arrive as the ages develop. Contentment only comes as we learn to accept the inevitable.

Janette Davies (2017) has written a highly perceptive analysis of life in an old people’s home (Living Before Dying). One of the more depressing part of her book is when she describes the daily activity of the patients in the home who are very sick, some in an advanced stage of dementia. They have lost their mental and physical faculties, and have to be looked after and treated like a baby. Their situation has become very humiliating for them. No one likes being humiliated, but it is often the only way that we can become humble and discard our pride.

John Wyatt (Dying Well, Dying Faithfully, 2018), a consultant paediatrician, with much experience working both with those on the border of life and death, and their relatives and friends, in his excellent book argues that we should move away from the popular practice of avoiding discussion of the issues of death with those nearing the end of their life. He argues that to die well we should give life a positive closure, celebrate the life which is to come and say our goodbyes with family and friends. Traditionally, most people would have died at home surrounded by loved ones. Now, in the UK, only one in five does so whilst the majority die in hospital or a care home. Modern medical science makes the last days of life a battle to stave off death, with a consequent loss of dignity. He argues that the ‘medicalization of death should be resisted’. There is hope in the words of St Paul (2Cor 4, 16–18) ‘So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal’. Wyatt argues for a liturgy and prayers specifically aimed at, and to be shared with family and friends, for those approaching the later stages of life.

C.S. Lewis is well known for his prolific and perceptive Christian writing, and for the story of his love for Joy Davidson whom he married in the latter part of his life. When she died suddenly, of cancer, he was quite devastated and questioned his faith in a loving God. When he tried to talk to God, to seek comfort in His grief, he found he could not get through. When seeking God he found ‘ a door slammed in his face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside’. Many an elderly person in pain would share this feeling when they seek to get through to God. C.S. Lewis wrote a very personal, a very honest, story of how he felt in A Grief Observed (1961). What he eventually learnt was that, after a longish time, his grief eased. In it, God did not take away the grief, but He walked alongside C.S. Lewis in his pain. It is important to be honest with God about one’s doubts – He can stand it.

It is interesting that each of these writers point to one or more of the different fruits of the spirit, (Gal 5 v22-23) and the attitudes that Jesus extols in the beatitudes (Matt 5 vv3-19), and throughout the Bible. It is ironic that though many Christians strive in their working life to be independent, self-sufficient and to fight the circumstances they do not like. Thus we seek to be in control of our lives and become masters of the material world we live in. As we get to our riper years we are obliged, whether we like it or not, to accept more dependent values, to reject the materialistic values we had so much admired, and move towards the spiritual values that make us more humble, spiritual people dependent more on our Father God.

Dying Well

Since writing the early drafts of this paper, the country, indeed the whole world, has suffered the Covid-19 pandemic. Hundreds of thousands of elderly people have died in very unpleasant circumstances. Many have died alone, often in hospital wards or in old people’s homes. The introduction of social isolation has meant that, in the last moments of their life, the dying have been separated from their loved ones; they have died alone. Their professional carers, the nurses and doctors, have done remarkable and wonderful work and spend the last moments caring, consoling and comforting the dying. It has become doubly clear from the stories of these deaths that the comfort received by the dying is enormously precious and necessary, and where the sufferer is not dying well there is real anguish and sorrow. Fortunately most old people do not die in such a dreadful and isolated way, and those who are able to die at home with their family and friends are fortunate indeed. The medics have a very important role to play, but there is no substitute for dying well, in peace with their family and with God, at home.

The Problem of Suffering, and Unanswered Prayer

Much has been written, many theological theses have been postulated, about the problem of suffering (see C.S. Lewis (1940, 1961), R. Gill (2015), Philip Yancey (1997, 2010)). Very rarely has this been applied to the problems of old age, much more likely are the problems that younger people expected to be in their prime. But many of those in their riper years do suffer, especially with physical and mental deterioration, and they have to come to terms with their own suffering. They also have to live with the fact that their prayers to be relieved of their suffering remain unanswered.

For myself, I have come to terms with the problem of suffering, the problem of why an all-powerful, an all-loving, and all-knowing God allows suffering in the people He loves, through accepting the existence of two, apparently contradictory, irreconcilable, theories at the same time.

We do this in different areas of our faith already. We believe that Jesus was fully man and also fully God. We believe in a triune God but also that God is one. We accept both predestination and free will. We speak of God as a shepherd, but also as a King, and as a Father. Sometimes one of these theories, these theoretical models, these metaphors, gives the best explanation, sometimes the other will be more appropriate.

Even in the physical world physicists hold two contradictory theories at the same time in, for instance, the wave–particle duality. When considering the behaviour of light we can sometimes explain its behaviour as if it was a wave, in the interference of light waves for instance, but when we come to the photo-electric effect the wave theory of light cannot explain it. We then need to think of light energy being condensed as a particle. Sometimes we need to think of light as a wave, sometimes it behaves as a particle. Is either of these theories wrong? No, but one theory is better at explaining certain phenomena and the other theory is better at explaining the other. The trick is to apply the appropriate theory to the particular situation.

When considering events in the physical world we have two theories: (1) That an all-powerful, all-loving God, all-knowing is in operation and (2) ‘things happen’ in a world governed by physical laws, in a world created in the only way it could be to allow free will and moral choice to exist. If we drop a glass vase on the floor, it will fall down under the laws of gravity and smash, if we walk in front of a moving car we will be knocked down, have bones broken, and possibly killed, as we grow older our organs and bodily functions deteriorate and we get ill and finally die. Many mental handicaps, cancers, and deteriorations are caused by random, physical phenomena and explained by genetic deformations. Such physical phenomena are best explained by ‘things happen’ in the world in which we live. Science is giving us explanations of how things happen in physical terms. Other times, often in response to specific prayer, abnormal effects occur and these can best be explained by the intervention of an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God. Charles Simeon is reputed to have said ‘. . . the truth is not in the middle, and not in one extreme, but in both extremes’.

We often say God answers prayer and specific examples are often given from the pulpit. Preachers are less ready to preach about unanswered prayer, and yet this occurs very often, especially when older people pray that their physical infirmities be removed. We are told that prayers will be answered when they are asked in line with the will of God, and this is undoubtedly true. But how do we know what is the will of God?; if I thought that I could change the will of God by praying I would stop praying immediately! Always we must pray Jesus’ prayer, ‘nevertheless, not my will but thine be done’. God’s mind is not only all-wise, all-loving and all-powerful, it is also incomprehensible, being vastly superior to our own, puny minds, The more I know about the physical world and about God’s world and workings, the more I realise there is so much more I do not, cannot, know. And I am increasingly content with that. ‘The more you know the more you know you don’t know’ Socrates is reputed to have said. We can understand a little of God’s plan for our living and our dying, but there is so much that we cannot know, only humbly accept. Obtaining peace in one’s riper years will only come as we learn to accept our state, the result of physical, mental processes failing along with an all-knowing and all-loving God being alongside us.

At the end of the day, theoretical, theological and philosophical explanations of the problem of suffering will not suffice a person who is suffering. What they require is human, physical comfort. The answer to the problem of suffering lies not with theological explanations but in a good hug! This point has been emphasised graphically during the Covid-19 situation where those who want to show love and care for the sick and dying by physical contact have been brutally and heart-breakingly prevented from doing so by the insistence of social distancing – no hugs allowed.

How Should We, Those of Riper Years, Cope with the Problems of Old Age?

Much mental and spiritual distress occurs as we seek to resist the onslaught of old age, with all the limitations and physical and mental suffering that brings. We strive to maintain our youthful, mature life and fight against, even to pray against, the natural ageing process. John Stott, through personal suffering, teaches us that we should accept ageing, and dependency on others, as part of God’s plan for human life. As we are dependent on others at the beginning of our lives so we will be dependent on others towards our life’s ending. We should positively accept the constraints and the dependency that old age brings.

Becoming older and infirm necessitates the care by others, and this caring is a way of developing love and consideration in the carers.

Furthermore, the cessation of the ability and opportunity of older folk to do many tasks, both professionally and in church, provides the opportunity and necessity for others to take on these responsibilities, through which they in their turn can grow. The case of Moses is a good example of this. He leads the Israelites through the wilderness for 40 years, but then, at the age of 120, God ordained he should not lead his people across the Jordan. Instead He decreed that Joshua should take over and lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. God handed on the baton to the next generation. As those of riper years cease to have the ability to lead, for instance, the young people’s work in the church, so they should positively celebrate that the next generation should take over and, in their turn, have the joy and satisfaction of that work.

How the Church Should Address Those of Riper Years

The church is the ideal body to care for the needs of those of riper years. As one of the main problems of caring for the older folk has been the breakdown, and fragmentation, of the family so a solution is found in the family of the church. The church is a family, the family of God, gathered together to serve him, to care for those in need, both within their own fellowship and also in the community outside. Most of the social services in the past have been started in and by the church. Schools, hospitals, hospices and more recently food banks have all had their origin in the outward-looking church. The Order of St John’s runs many old people’s homes and advertises that they ‘have been looking after the elderly for over one thousand years’. The church is one of the very few bodies in society where folk of all ages meet together. The church is naturally a multi-generational institution. Sometimes, however, the very growth of young people’s work in the churches, and the emphasis on other particular age groups, means that young people grow up with no experience of old folk, and the older folk tend to be forgotten. Churches need to celebrate and develop their multi-generational nature. So, what specifically should churches do to address the needs of those of riper years? The following are a few tentative suggestions, many of which some churches are already incorporating.