Holding on and letting go: Memory,nostalgia,and effects of virtual possession management practices on post-breakup adjustment

Abstract

When people end their relationships, they must choose which parts of the relationship to remember and forget as they prepare themselves for future partners. This memory process is complicated by the recordability and permanence of mediated messages because individuals must actively curate their virtual possessions—such as pictures with a previous partner or online relationship statuses. Using the relational dissolution model framework, this study investigated the behaviors people use online to manage the end of their relationships and how these choices may influence the way they adjust to the breakup. College students (N = 234) were surveyed to examine how their keeping and deleting of virtual possessions are related to their post-breakup adjustment. Results suggest that keeping virtual possessions negatively relates to post-breakup adjustment. Participants who were more nostalgic were more likely to keep virtual possessions following a breakup, which mediated the relationship between nostalgia and post-breakup adjustment. The implications show how the persistence of mediated possessions has the potential to affect the breakup process as people struggle to manage their relational memories.

Keywords

Breakups communication communication and technology memory nostalgia personal relationships relationship dissolution model relational curation virtual possessions

Memories reside in our minds and are enhanced through the physical objects we keep (e.g., diaries, photographs, letters, etc.) and also through remembrance (Humphreys, 2018) in which memories are externalized and stored in virtual spaces made possible by new technologies (e.g., mobile phones, Facebook, Instagram, etc.). These spaces (both tangible and intangible) affect people’s ability to store and interact with memories by documenting, archiving, and concretizing their previous experiences through the assistance of technology (Pereira et al., 2014).

Unlike traditional face-to-face communication or physical forms, these new mediated contexts or virtual spaces give access to multiple audiences (Gudmundsdottir, 2014). That is, mediated and virtual spaces provide access for both private and public audiences to take part in the memory-making process (LeFebvre et al., 2015). For instance, consider people capturing snapshots of a recent trip and uploading those photos into a cloud-based storage system or other online virtual spaces. In this example, the photos represent private, individual accounts, or memories of a recent trip experience. Now imagine that additional trip photos were uploaded to mediated and virtual platforms. These photos are now semipublic, which allows other people (both known and unknown) to participate in the trip and subsequent memory-making process (Moncur et al., 2016). These interpersonal interactions create archives of memories that were previously maintained cognitively and often individually (Konrad et al., 2016). Now the shared memory-making process allows people to reminisce about the event or experience collectively in that shared mediated or virtual space. Individuals and their friends/partners can repeatedly return to interact with those memories. This process prompts questions about how these new spaces influence and alter components of the memory-making processes and subsequently the relationships represented in the memories (Sas & Whittaker, 2013). Furthermore, questions arise about how people interact with their archives—creating opportunities for exploring how the nature of rereading, replaying, viewing, and sharing possessions affects emotional states and recovery from relational challenges.

Several studies have begun to investigate how archival practices within romantic couples and after those romantic relationships end alter the way relationship events are processed (Fox et al., 2013; Frampton & Fox, 2018; LeFebvre et al., 2015). For example, becoming publicly committed—individuals are increasingly using technology to communicate with romantic partners, record important events in their relationships, and subsequently create objects that evoke relational memories for themselves and their larger social networks (LeFebvre et al., 2015). People’s conceptualizations about the end of romantic relationships may be influenced by being able to reconnect with specific events or conversations through different mediated platforms or virtual spaces (Blackburn et al., 2018).

Technology affords exterior traces of remembrance that occur through archives that provide digital footprints as artifacts, relics, or remnants (e.g., Fox et al., 2014; Frampton & Fox, 2018; LeFebvre et al., 2015; Wilson, 2009). People often create digital objects (such as tweets, photos, or comments) to help their future selves remember what it was like when it occurred (Humphreys, 2018). Specifically, researchers have argued that virtual possessions (e.g., the online, digital items and artifacts that individuals and couples create and retain throughout their relationship) have the potential to change the way people form memories of their relationships (Brody et al., 2016; Konrad et al., 2016) and even alter relationship processes (Fox et al., 2013, 2014; LeFebvre et al., 2015). For instance, LeFebvre and colleagues (2015) examined the relationship dissolution model (RDM; see Duck, 1982; Rollie & Duck, 2006), suggesting that it may be reshaped or altered to highlight the processes individuals often experience during the breakup process. One of the many findings in that qualitative study was that individuals engaged in a “cleansing” of their virtual possessions during a breakup. Their findings suggest that certain types of behaviors may be linked to delaying important processes people need to experience in order to prepare for new romantic relationships; the present research examines this process and connects it to the RDM more directly.

The present study examines how virtual possessions and the management of possessions following a breakup complicate the RDM. Although numerous studies have exposed several patterns in the way people engage in the management of their virtual spaces, minimal research has examined the consequences of behaviors on people’s relationship adjustment processes, or how dispositional characteristics (such as an individual’s trait nostalgia) relate to these processes. Specifically, the present study addresses these goals by investigating how the management of virtual possessions relates to post-dissolution adjustment. These findings offer insight into how virtual artifact management affects the way people experience the relational dissolution process.

Relationship dissolution processes

To understand how virtual possessions and the processing and management of possessions following a breakup complicate the RDM, a brief description of the model is provided. The RDM delineates the five processes individuals experience during the breakup process. These processes include intrapsychic, dyadic, social network, grave-dressing, and resurrection. The intrapsychic process involves a person engaging in internal dialogue about their relationship. This process includes the internal reflection about the state of the relationship (Rollie & Duck, 2006). The dyadic process highlights partners' discussion with one another either to work through relationship concerns or to end the relationship. If a decision to end the relationship is made, both people enter the social process, which involves communication with one’s social network about how and why the relationship ended. Often in the communication about the uncoupling to others, the breakup becomes official (Rollie & Duck, 2006). These first three processes describe the cognitive and communication functions involving the individual, partner, and network.

The next two processes, grave-dressing and resurrection, discuss the personal psychological and communicative processes surrounding memories from the previous relationship and attempt to hold on to specific memories while also allowing oneself to let go. Grave-dressing involves tidying up memories and account-making for the dissolution. In grave-dressing, individuals must work on retrospectively making sense of their relationship and what it means for their past, present, and future. This process involves reconceptualization of the relationship from beginning to end and facing up to the reality that the relationship is over in a socially acceptable way (Rollie & Duck, 2006). The resurrection process highlights a rebirth and readiness to begin new relationships. Resurrection involves preparation for a different future depending on the self-image constructed in and through the breakup (Rollie & Duck, 2006) These last two processes help concretize memories about their previous partners and relationships.

Importantly, these five processes do not always occur for every individual, nor are they sequentially experienced in the same order and fashion for each individual, relationship, or breakup. However, the RDM does highlight the commonplace order and the five processes individuals undergo during the dissolution process.

Relationship dissolution is akin to other forms of loss, which is broadly defined as a lost connection to a missing person resulting from personal transformation or structural contractions (Allen, 2007). As such, the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship has been associated with increased self-affirmation or intensification (Cumiskey & Hjorth, 2017). Affirmation and intensification refer to the ways in which loss allowed individuals to further extend their connection through the process of keeping or retaining specific objects that reminded them of the loss and by engaging with those objects. Online connection via virtual possessions enabled individuals to retrace their steps and recapture gaps in memory, thereby keeping the loss of their relationship fresh. In contrast, deleting virtual possessions removed the closeness and eliminated the ability to revisit memories (Cumiskey & Hjorth, 2017). As memories transcend physical reality in mediated and virtual spaces, individuals must struggle with choices regarding whether to construct, co-construct, and remember personal and relational narratives as well as expand representations of self, partner, and relationship (Cumiskey & Hjorth, 2017).

As part of this process, especially in post-dissolution, people must determine how to navigate their virtual possessions in public and private spheres. Past research has explored the act of maintaining, sorting, or deleting online possessions (Herron et al., 2017) and relational cleansing (LeFebvre et al., 2015). Decoupling and disentangling represented abandoning, deleting, hiding, or ignoring possessions related to or integrated as part of the relationship (Herron et al., 2017). In particular, the decoupling process emphasizes an end to the previous relationship in an attempt to disconnect, while disentangling operates to sort through systems and interfaces centered around their online identities. Similarly, relational cleansing (LeFebvre et al., 2015) refers to changes in relationship status, untagging or deleting possessions in an attempt to narrow, minimize, or remove the online existence of the previous partner and/or relationship to help bring closure. As individuals end their relationships, their virtual possessions are reminders of that relationships and should shift from present representations of the romantic connection to relationship representations of the romantic past. In turn, these possessions allow for relationship reminiscence, reflection, or existential proof of what was due to its persistence and replicability (Fox et al., 2014; Herron et al., 2017). Managing these virtual possessions is often one of the more difficult aspects of managing a breakup and navigating the aftermath (Moncur et al., 2016). Individuals must renegotiate their identity without their romantic partner, and this process includes the reorganizing of online self-presentation and possessions.

Memory function and archival management

A review of memory function and archival management provides a lens for understanding how virtual possessions may affect post-dissolution adjustment. Memory is an inherently reflective, dynamic process in which people situate themselves in relation to the past (Kuhn, 2000; Ricoeur, 2004). The function of memory is to provide individuals cognitive tools to make sense of events and experiences in order to store them in thought and memory (Walker & Skowronski, 2013). Much research has considered how time and attention influence the development and maintenance of people’s memories, particularly relational and social functions of memory. Given the importance of memory for various relational outcomes, these overall memory functions lead to questions about how individuals manage their virtual possessions—which can evoke specific memories—as romantic relationships dissolve. To note, given the large scope of memory research, the aim of this study is to examine the varying ways that virtual archival practices may influence people’s memories about their past relationship.

In this study, the term memory refers to autobiographical memories—the “organic system that encodes, stores, and retrieves personal memories from our lifetime” (Konrad et al., 2016. p. 392). Virtual possessions allow individuals to recall or revisit memories, however they are not autobiographical memories in and of themselves. Memory is heavily influenced by a set of biases. People tend to remember positive events more readily than negative events (Walker et al., 2009), they alter events in their memory over time to remember them more positively (e.g., rosy retrospection; Mitchell et al., 1997), and the emotional tenor of their memories tends to fade over time (e.g., fading affect bias; Walker et al., 2009). As individuals increasingly record and share not only their online identity and aspects of their romantic relationships online, they may recall and remember past events and relationships more accurately. At the same time, this recall effect could be negative. For instance, if people are able to recall a negative experience more accurately, this recall may evoke negative emotions.

When considering the effects of revisiting virtual possessions on the emotional tenor of memories, selective self-presentation could result in the revisiting of more positive memories than negative memories. For instance, ample evidence posits that individuals tend to share more positive aspects of their lives in mediated contexts or virtual spaces (Walther, 2007). In the realm of dating applications, for example, people tend to create and distribute profiles that showcase their best qualities, sometimes through photo management (Sedgewick et al., 2017). Individuals inflate positive aspects in order to present the most favorable self-impressions (Toma et al., 2008). People present positive impressions of themselves and often their relationships in online contexts for others, and thus their virtual possessions may collectively paint an especially rosy picture of their past—similar to the rosy retrospection effect (Mitchell et al., 1997). Revisiting these memories via virtual possessions likely does not provide a fully accurate picture of what occurred.

Memories prompted by online possessions are in many ways different than cognitive or organic autobiographical memories (Konrad et al., 2016). Both memory and the management of virtual possessions relate to various intrapersonal and relational outcomes. For instance, Saffrey and Ehrenberg (2007) investigated how various ways of thinking about a previous relationship can have differing effects on people’s post-breakup adjustment (although they did not examine virtual possessions). Their findings indicated that dwelling on a previous relationship—brooding about what went wrong as well as reflecting and thinking about what can be learned from past mistakes—predicted post-breakup adjustment in different ways. Brooding negatively related to adjustment, and reflection positively related to adjustment. Similarly, del Palacio-González et al. (2017) found that reflecting on a breakup can be related to higher levels of personal growth and lower levels of breakup distress, whereas brooding about a breakup can be related to higher levels of post-breakup distress.

Virtual possessions and memory

Previous research implies that revisiting and managing memories of past relationships can affect personal growth and recovery following a breakup; specifically, those investigations examines memories that were stored and accessed cognitively. The following section considers how virtual possessions might alter this process. In other words, how might the digital objects that people choose to keep and delete affect the way they experience memory?

Rollie and Duck (2006) provided an explanatory framework of relationship dissolution—ranging from questioning the livelihood of the relationship to the preparation of a new romantic interest. The RDM offers a simplified process by finding critical components that often occur in dissolution trajectories (Rollie & Duck, 2006). Although this model offers a substantial conceptual framework, understanding more nuanced processes such as relational curation can assist researchers in understanding how new technologies are used in the dissolution process. Relational curation captures the management of relationship memories through virtual and tangible relationship possessions (Blackburn et al., 2018). This newly identified process resides between grave-dressing and resurrection processes. Grave-dressing functions as a metaphor that prioritizes the public-facing nature of presenting a breakup to the world, but curation often occurs behind the scenes, privately (Blackburn et al., 2018). This new addition to the RDM highlights the management of virtual possessions and discusses tidying away residual artifacts from the previous relationship.

When individuals break up with their romantic partners, they are forced to grapple with troves of data accumulated during their relationships. Building off previous scholarship, Sas and Whittaker (2013) offered an investigation of how virtual possessions might affect post-breakup adjustment. They explored participants’ experiences who had recently dissolved their relationships. In analyzing the interview responses, they found that some people tended to keep their virtual possessions (e.g., posts on social networking sites (SNS), digital photos, and conversation archives), others tended to delete them, and others were selective disposers who disposed of most things but kept a few treasured possessions. Although they could not directly test the observation, Sas and Whittaker suggested that keeping virtual possessions can result in negative outcomes because they are often pervasive and appear across multiple contexts (such as phones, laptops, and tablets, both in online and offline contexts). The process of deleting can be painful because participants are forced to confront their memories when the breakup is still fresh (Sas & Whittaker, 2013).

More recently, Konrad and colleagues (2016) developed an application (app) that allowed participants to record and revisit virtual possessions that stir memories and events associated with close interpersonal relationships. After asking participants to use the application and assessing various outcomes associated with its usage, results showed that people who used the app to record and/or reflect upon emotional relationship memories reported higher well-being after a month of using the app than those in the control group. On the one hand, people had the ability to either reflect positively on the relationship experience by savoring or recalling positive interactions within the relationship. On the other hand, people could use the app to create emotional distance by reinterpreting the relationship experience.

Similarly, Hollis and colleagues (2017) designed an app for reflecting on moods in mediated environments. Participants were encouraged to reflect on experiences that evoked either a positive or negative mood. Those participants in the positive mood condition (but not negative) reported higher levels of happiness than those in the negative mood condition. These two studies demonstrated that reflecting upon past events in a mediated context is associated with close relationship memories; however, these previous studies have yet to explore how virtual possession-related behavior, specifically, might relate to adjustment post-breakup.

Previous research has demonstrated that various memory-related practices relate to post-breakup adjustment. For instance, reflecting on a breakup often positively relates to adjustment (Saffrey & Ehrenberg, 2007), but brooding about the breakup is negatively associated with adjustment (del Palacio-González et al., 2017). Even more, the management of virtual possessions can predict overall well-being (Hollis et al., 2017; Konrad et al., 2016). Although the effects of virtual possessions on breakup adjustment have not been directly examined, collectively these studies suggest that the keeping and/or deleting of virtual possessions are associated with post-breakup adjustment. Thus, this study examines whether virtual archival practices (i.e., the tendency to keep or delete virtual possessions) relate specifically to adjustment to a breakup:
RQ₁: How do keeping and deleting behaviors interact to predict post-breakup adjustment?

Nostalgia

People likely make their decisions to keep and delete items based on a number of dispositional factors. One memory-specific factor, nostalgia, is a sentimental longing for the past that is experienced relatively frequently and associated with memories of close relationships, memorable events, and specific places (Sedikides et al., 2008). Nostalgia is an emotion that likely relates to individuals’ keeping and deleting behavior. Often triggered by negative emotions (including loneliness), it can also be a prosocial emotion that can strengthen social bonds (Abeyta et al., 2015). In fact, scholars have categorized nostalgia as a happiness-related emotion (e.g., Johnson-Laird & Oatley, 1989).

Several studies have examined the role of nostalgia on individual and relational recovery. In one such study, participants who were primed to experience nostalgia reported higher feelings of positive emotions and self-esteem, less attachment avoidance and anxiety, and higher interpersonal competence than those in a control condition (Wildschut et al., 2006). Via nostalgia, individuals can draw upon past experiences to bolster their feelings of self-worth (Vess et al., 2012). In romantic relationships, nostalgia can serve to help couples overcome relational challenges. For instance, in one study, participants were primed to be nostalgic and when asked to reflect on a conflict with a close friend, they reported higher levels of optimism and increased ability to resolve the conflict compared to individuals in the control condition (Abeyta et al., 2015).

The previous research suggests nostalgia following a breakup may be tied to breakup adjustment. Nostalgia can be used in a prosocial manner to increase positive self-regard, attachment security, and confidence that relational challenges can be overcome. As individuals navigate the end of their romantic relationships, their nostalgia may prompt them to hold onto specific online memories in order to use them for prosocial purposes. For instance, after experiencing a hurtful breakup, individuals may choose to keep a photo of their first vacation with their previous partner to help them focus on the positive experiences in that prior relationship.

On the other hand, nostalgia may have a detrimental effect on people’s adjustment to the breakup. Although not directly investigated in the breakup context, a study of new undergraduate students transitioning to college found that nostalgic participants who also had low identity continuity (i.e., not seeing their past selves as connected to their present selves) experienced lower life satisfaction, higher levels of sadness, and less interest in new opportunities (Iyer & Jetten, 2011). This study provides some insight into how nostalgia might operate in breakups. In particular, individuals experiencing a breakup might have lower identity continuity due to the fracturing of a close relationship.

Further, Abeyta et al. (2019) found that individuals with avoidant attachment reported negative associations between nostalgia and interpersonal approach behaviors. Related to the present study, this implies that for individuals with negative experiences in past relationships, it may be more difficult for them to seek new relationships.

People experiencing breakups might also experience negative emotions, which can evoke nostalgia. Individuals might be lonely and prompted by their feelings of nostalgia to keep virtual possessions that remind them of their previous relationship (that very same first vacation photo), thus hindering the ability to move on. In sum, nostalgia can both assist and hinder individuals in moving on from a breakup.

The aforementioned studies prompted or primed nostalgic experiences by asking participants to write about a nostalgic memory. In these instances, individuals are strategically choosing memories that they might see as more positive or prosocial. However, due to the archival and storage potential of technology and mediated contexts, individuals must revisit the memories as they were initially recorded—not the overly positive versions they might create in such a task as described. Therefore, this study investigates how nostalgia relates to keeping and deleting virtual possessions and the subsequent effect on adjustment to a breakup. Therefore, the following research question is proposed:
RQ₂: How does keeping and deleting virtual possessions mediate the relationship between nostalgia and post-breakup adjustment?

Method

Participants

Participants (N = 234) were recruited from a large southern university. The sample was 77.4% female and 22.6% male and averaged 19.41 (SD = 1.67) years of age. Participants identified their ethnicity as 89.7% Caucasian, 6.8% African American, 6.4% Hispanic, 0.9% Asian/Pacific Islander, 0.9% Middle Eastern, and 0.4% Native American. Participants identified their relationship compositions as 95.3% mixed sex, 3.4% bisexual, and 1.3% same sex; their partners were 79.1% male and 20.9% female. Their previous relationships, on average, lasted 12.70 months (SD = 11.26, Mdn = 10) ranging from 1 week to 60 months, or 5 years. Participants reported on relationships that ended on average 7.08 months ago (SD = 6.40, Mdn = 5.25) ranging from 1 week to 24 months (or 2 years). Regarding the breakup initiator, participants indicated 46.2% self, 24.4% partner, and 29.5% mutual. Approximately 30.8% were currently in a new relationship.

Procedures

Participants volunteered by selecting the survey hosted by Qualtrics from available research projects hosted by the collegiate research database for course participation or extra credit. Participants were eligible if they were at least 18 years of age and had been in a romantic relationship that had ended within the previous 2 years (e.g., Koenig Kellas et al., 2008). Upon meeting eligibility criteria, participants first read the approved Institutional Review Board informed consent form and agreed to participate.

Participants first responded to a series of demographic questions (about themselves, their partner, and their relationship). Participants then answered a prompt and several open-ended questions about their virtual possessions in relation to their previous relationship (see Blackburn et al., 2018). These open-ended responses were collected as part of a larger project. Because participants were not familiar with the jargon of virtual “relics,” we provided more accessible language and asked about their digital “items.” To begin with, we defined digital items as:
Any item produced and stored in a digital/electronic version. Examples of digital items include digital documents, photos, social media posts and messages, presentations, videos, audio files, archived conversations, and the like. Following a breakup, people often choose to delete and/or retain digital items that relate to or represent their dissolved relationship.
After this prompt, participants answered a series of questions about their digital management in post-dissolution. Participants were asked about which items were most valuable to them and describe why. Also, they asked about the items in relation to their specific relationships and post-breakup management strategies for the future. These questions relate to a larger study. More specifically, for this study, participants then answered a series of scales regarding their emotions (nostalgia and rumination), management practices (keeping/deleting behaviors), and breakup adjustment (post-breakup adjustment). Upon completion, participants were thanked.

Measures

Nostalgia

Nostalgia was measured using a previously developed scale (Routledge et al., 2012) which assessed nostalgia as a meaning-making resource. Participants were provided with a dictionary definition of nostalgia (i.e., a sentimental longing for the past). Statements were adapted from the original measure using a 7-point Likert-type scale (1 = very rarely; 7 = very frequently). Sample items include “How often do you experience nostalgia?” and “Generally speaking, how often do you bring to mind nostalgic experiences?” Reliability was high (Cronbach’s α = .93; M = 4.86; SD = 1.30).

Rumination

This measurement was used as a control variable (Treynor et al., 2003) to assess the psychometric qualities on a ruminative response scale. Utilizing a Likert-type scale (1 = almost never; 4 = almost always), participants were asked to indicate “what they generally do, not what they think they should do” in response to 22 statements. Sample items asked how often participants think about: “Going someplace alone to think about your feelings?,” “How you don’t seem to feel anything anymore?,” and “How passive and unmotivated you feel?” Reliability was high (Cronbach’s α = .96; M = 2.05; SD = .72).

Keeping/deleting

Two indices were created to measure the keeping and deleting of virtual possessions. Items on the indices were derived from Sas and Whittaker (see Sas & Whittaker, 2013; Sas et al., 2016). Their items highlighted how people curate items following a breakup. Participants retrospectively rated (1 = none; 7 = all) what they kept or deleted following their breakup: photos, mobile phone contacts, SNS contacts, music collections, relationship status on SNS, e-mails, text messages, posts on SNS, messages on SNS, and memories on SNS. An index was created to get an overall measure of how often people tend to delete or keep things (Keeping: α = .91; M = 3.63; SD = 1.92; Deleting: α = .90; M = 3.59; SD = 1.90).

Post-breakup adjustment

Adjustment to the breakup (Koenig Kellas et al., 2008) was measured using the six 7-point Likert-type statements. Statements included “How difficult has it been for you to make an emotional adjustment to this break-up?,” “Since the break-up, how much has your typical everyday functioning and routine been disrupted?,” and “To what extent do you feel like you have adjusted to the end of the relationship?” Reliability was acceptable (Cronbach’s α = .84; M = 4.90; SD = 1.24).

Results

Research questions were tested using hierarchical multiple regression (RQ₁) and the Preacher and Hayes’ (2008) PROCESS macro (RQ₂). The interaction between keeping and deleting behaviors and its association with post-breakup adjustment was explored (RQ₁), and then the role of nostalgia as a mediator was examined (RQ₂).

How do keeping and deleting behaviors interact to predict post-breakup adjustment?

RQ₁ examined how keeping and deleting behaviors interacted to predict post-breakup adjustment. This question was analyzed utilizing hierarchical multiple regression. The predictor variables were keeping and deleting behavior. Additionally, the centered interaction term between the keeping and the deleting variables was used to assess whether there was a moderation effect. The criterion variable was post-breakup adjustment. The control variable was length of time since the relationship ended.

The first block of the regression included the time since breakup variable, along with keeping and deleting. The second block included the interaction term, created by multiplying keeping by deleting. The overall regression was significant, adjusted R² = .06, F(4, 233) = 4.74, p = .001. The addition of the interaction term resulted in a significant change, ΔR² = .02, p < .05. Figure 1 shows the interaction.¹

Figure 1.
Interaction of keeping and deleting predicting post-breakup adjustment (controlling for time since the breakup and rumination; N = 234).

The unstandardized simple slope for individuals who reported a high level of deleting behavior was −.24 (p < .001), the unstandardized simple slope for individuals reporting the mean level of deleting behavior was −.16 (p < .01), and the unstandardized simple slope for individuals reporting a low level of deleting behavior was −.08 (p = .13). Overall, the results suggest that when individuals reported a high or moderate level of deleting behavior, keeping behavior was negatively related to post-breakup adjustment. When they reported a low level of deleting behavior, their keeping behavior did not relate to adjustment.

Does keeping and deleting mediate the relationship between nostalgia and post-breakup adjustment?

RQ₂ asked whether the association between nostalgia and post-breakup adjustment operated through keeping and deleting behaviors. This question was analyzed using the Preacher and Hayes’ (2008) PROCESS macro (v. 2.16.3), which allows for the testing of indirect effects using bootstrapping. Keeping and deleting were entered as parallel mediator variables. Nostalgia was entered as the independent variable. Rumination and length of time since the end of the relationship were entered as control variables. Figure 2 illustrates the mediation procedures, which utilized 5,000 bias-corrected bootstrapped samples, and displays the results. Indirect effects were considered significant if the upper and lower bounds of the 95% confidence interval did not overlap with 0.²

Figure 2.
Mediating role of keeping and deleting (controlling for time since the breakup and rumination; N = 234). Model R² = .06, F (3, 230) = 4.58. p < .01. *p < .05. **p < .01.

A significant indirect effect between nostalgia and post-breakup adjustment through keeping behavior was observed. Nostalgia was positively related to keeping, which negatively related to adjustment. Nostalgia negatively related to deleting behavior, but deleting behavior did not relate to post-breakup adjustment, nor did it mediate the relationship between nostalgia and post-breakup adjustment (see Figure 2).

Overall, the mediation results suggest that although nostalgia did not independently predict how well individuals adjusted to their breakup, it was positively related to participants’ likelihood of keeping virtual possessions post-breakup, which in turn negatively related to their post-breakup adjustment.

Discussion

This study’s findings provide insight into how keeping and deleting virtual possessions relate to post-breakup adjustment. Keeping virtual possessions was consistently negatively related to post-breakup adjustment. Further, higher levels of keeping behavior were negatively associated with post-breakup adjustment, especially at moderate and high levels of deleting behavior. In other words, when individuals actively and strategically manage their virtual possessions—both by deleting some items and by keeping others, they were more likely to report lower adjustment to the breakup. Because of the way keeping and deleting behaviors were measured (i.e., as indices of distinct behaviors), it is possible that some participants purged some items and clung to other items, resulting in keeping/deleting scores that were both relatively high. For instance, someone might report high levels of keeping for photos, text messaging conversations, and music playlists but high levels of deleting for SNS relational statuses and SNS posts. This would result in high overall scores for keeping and deleting. This finding suggests that those individuals who both kept and deleted might experience lower adjustment to their breakup. This finding parallels and builds on research (LeFebvre et al., 2015) that found individuals who reported that their breakup did not affect their behavior on SNS reported higher post-breakup adjustment than individuals who reported changes in their SNS behavior post-breakup.

Participants’ nostalgia also played a role in keeping and deleting decisions and, subsequently, post-breakup adjustment. When participants were especially sentimental for the past, they reported higher levels of keeping behavior. In turn, higher levels of keeping behavior were negatively related to adjustment. Overall, the findings illustrate how the management of virtual possessions might help or hinder the breakup recovery process, as well as how disposition (i.e., nostalgia) functions to further prompt increased keeping-related behaviors.

Memory and relational dissolution

Previous research on memory and relationship dissolution indicates that both positive and negative effects result from revisiting memories. In the present study, keeping virtual possessions, such as digital photos, status updates, and text messages from previous relationships, was generally negatively associated with breakup adjustment. The fading affect bias view of memory provides one framework for understanding changing meaning in virtual possessions. The fading affect bias (Walker et al., 2009) holds that the emotional tenor of memories and people’s emotional perceptions about events diminish over time (Konrad et al., 2016) and, in particular, negative emotions will fade more quickly than positive emotions (Mitchell et al., 1997). This corresponds with the rosy retrospection phenomenon, in which individuals alter their memories of past events over time to reframe negative incidents as more positive. However, when people keep documented and recorded possessions of their previous relationship, they can engage them and relive the events as well as memories. Therefore, rosy retrospection may not occur in this context since although specific possessions may contain positive memories, when viewed in the context of a dissolved relationship the possessions may take on a negative connotation. Individuals can see that the possessions denote a positive experience, yet feel negatively toward the possessions in the light of their breakup and/or their negative feelings toward their previous partner and past relationship. Of course, memories of past relationships are not always negative, and nostalgia can evoke both positive (Vess et al., 2012) and negative outcomes (Iyer & Jetten, 2011). Even positive memories of a previous partner or specific memories might keep partners from moving on and adjusting to the breakup. The results show a negative relationship between keeping and post-breakup adjustment, but do not differentiate between positive or negative feelings toward the previous partner or specific virtual possessions.

Consistent with the fading affect bias and rosy retrospection effects, individuals often reframe past events to create a consistent narrative of the breakup and why it occurred (Rollie & Duck, 2006). The ability to keep virtual possessions often forces individuals to confront past relationships with more accuracy. Such accuracy has the potential to disrupt the traditional breakup process because the possessions allow for a reference point in which sometimes inaccurate memories (e.g., Mitchell et al., 1997) can be measured against a specific photo or documented text messaging conversation that more accurately captures a memory.

Researchers have argued that online intimacy transcends proximal and temporal limitations creating the ability to continue closeness and connectivity. LeFebvre and Haggadone (2018) explored the reasons why people kept or deleted specific voicemails and found that some of the most beloved retained messages were the oldest ones. They also found that many unwanted voicemails were soon deleted after their creation, thereby suggesting that people, at least in part, actively choose to distance themselves from reminders of negative events, experiences, or relationships. The results of the present study corroborate these findings in that people who choose to keep these possessions often may struggle to recover from the breakup.

On the other hand, online selective self-presentation (e.g., Walther, 2007) might temper the negative effects of keeping behavior because individuals were likely keeping possessions that presented their previous relationship in a positive light. When individuals digitally record more positive events than negative, perhaps revisiting those positive memories leads to better adjustment. However, given that keeping was negatively related to post-breakup adjustment even after controlling for time since the breakup, the present findings suggest otherwise. When people are trying to move on and recover from breakup but they (re)view photos from their previous relationship or old text messages, they might reflect on what was rather than what is. Perhaps the previous depictions spotlight fun, exciting moments in their relationship demonstrating commitment, intimacy, passion—their vacations together, expressions of commitment, and even relationship moments (e.g., first time events, engagements, wedding, etc.)—and their relationship highlights. Perhaps individuals were reflecting on those positive events and comparing them to their current life, which could help explain why keeping was negatively associated with post-breakup adjustment. Reviewing the past did not seem to allow participants to let go of their past and move on with their future.

Nostalgia as a predictor of keeping and deleting

Nostalgia is a sentimental longing for the past, and the present study showed that participants who reported higher levels of nostalgia engaged in higher levels of keeping behavior, which in turn related to lower post-breakup adjustment. Nostalgia alone did not have a direct effect on post-breakup adjustment, which corresponds with previous research that shows nostalgia by itself can have prosocial, positive outcomes (e.g., Wildschut et al., 2006). Rather, in this study, nostalgia operated through keeping behavior. This demonstrates the multifaceted role nostalgia plays in adjustment to breakups.

Although nostalgia by itself might be positive when individuals are constructively reminiscing about past events (e.g., Abeyta et al., 2015), when nostalgia prompts individuals to hold onto virtual possessions, there is a negative correlation with post-breakup adjustment. This finding also demonstrates how these results conflict with previous research that shows using virtual possessions for constructively reflecting on past relationships can have beneficial outcomes (Konrad et al., 2016). In this case, it is likely that individuals were not reflecting on possessions kept but perhaps mindlessly scrolling through or ruminating on them.

At the broadest level, these results highlight the deleterious effects that nostalgia can have on post-breakup adjustment when it leads people to hold onto their virtual possessions. That is, as people long for the past and revisit virtual possessions, they may inadvertently be delaying memory-making processes crucial for organizing thoughts about the end of a relationship. The RDM (Rollie & Duck, 2006) delineates how people prepare for future relationships in the grave-dressing process through their account-making. This account-making involves the creation of a story or narrative of their past relationship, previous partner, and their involvement in the relationship, breakup, and memory. Often these stories become concretized when discussing their dissolution with their social network and as they consider re-entry into the dating scene with new partners. Keeping virtual possessions may alter the account-making process and make stories less flexible and adaptable. Individuals’ accounts evolve and change over time (Rollie & Duck, 2006), but virtual possessions provide more concrete evidence that past events occurred in a specific manner.

The inability to adapt narratives may make it more difficult for individuals to engage in the resurrection process. Although the processes do not always occur in sequential order, resurrection may be slower if memories are readily available and accessible to themselves as well as other interested partners. The possessions could lead potential romantic interests to be cautious of beginning new relationships while previous relationship virtual possessions remain readily accessible, visible, and part of the mediated or virtual identity. Humphreys (2018) suggested that individuals come to know themselves and others through examining their media traces (i.e., virtual possessions). Thus, people who choose to keep possessions representing their previous relationship might be seen by others as still assigning value and importance to that dissolved relationship. Solidifying their memories of previous relationships may coincide with decisions surrounding the choice of what identity people want to convey, and subsequently when to keep and delete memories.

Conceptual contributions

The present study adds to the growing literature that demonstrates how virtual possessions and the processing and management of possessions following a breakup highlight new aspects of the RDM. Specifically, how does the curation of virtual possessions fit into the social, grave-dressing, and resurrection processes? These results complement other findings from this project that examine open-ended responses to questions regarding why individuals choose to keep or delete specific items (see Blackburn et al., 2018), thereby suggesting the inclusion of an additional process—curation—that differs in several ways from the previously articulated dissolution processes.

The RDM includes the grave-dressing process that commonly includes account-making for managing memories by recounting the stories and narratives; yet, grave-dressing does not directly account for more specific relationship objects or possessions left behind at the end of the relationship that might influence the narrative construction process. Memories are cognitive and may or may not be communicated, whereas virtual possessions (e.g., possessions, artifacts, relics, remnants) are tangible, present, and observable to others. RDM does not take into account how the breakup memory is curated using possessions, only that stories are crafted. Curation operates as a distinct process, although RDM processes can overlap for individuals, and objects can easily translate to stories and vice versa, the mindful process in which relics are archived and managed for themselves and others is conceptually different—raising new questions about how and what objects (virtual or physical) do within the RDM.

The curation process articulates relational partners’ active management of virtual possessions which may in turn affect how they remember and articulate the end of their relationship to their social networks (social), how they remember their previous relationship (grave dressing), and how they prepare for future relationships (resurrection). The RDM saw five processes as largely emphasizing the interface between partners and their social network conceptualizing both psychological and communicative approaches addressing the individual, dyad, and network as separate or integrated (Rollie & Duck, 2006). The curation process entails the active management of specific virtual possessions that communicate elements of the relationship to outsiders (network) and affects how people remember their relationship (individual). This study articulates the extension of curation by demonstrating a cognitive correlate (nostalgia) and examining how enactment of the curation process might help or hinder individuals in adjusting to the end of their relationship. Specifically, the present results imply that active curation seems to have a detrimental effect on post-breakup adjustment.

Limitations and future directions

As with any cross-sectional study, the present results do not test causal relationships. Although keeping and deleting behaviors predict post-breakup adjustment, it may be that individuals who are less adjusted to the breakup are more likely to cling to virtual possessions from their previous relationship. Similarly, individuals who keep more virtual possessions might also report being more nostalgic as a result of looking at and/or seeing those possessions. Future research should explore these associations either longitudinally or experimentally.

Moreover, this measurement of keeping and deleting behaviors was derived from Sas and Whittaker’s (2013) study, and the list of virtual possessions is not all-encompassing. The indices developed emphasized overall keeping and deleting behavior, but the relationships between behavior and outcomes might differ based on what specific possessions are being curated, whether the possessions were public or private, and whether they were stored in multiple locations (both off-line and online) and thus perhaps only partially deleted. In other words, keeping text messages might relate to adjustment differently than keeping photos, and deleting photos from a phone’s hard drive is perhaps different from deleting them from an online backup tool. Future work should examine nuances in the type of possession curated and how they relate to adjustment.

Participants were not directly asked how recalling relationship memories influenced their current or future relationships (since it was not the focus of this study). For instance, if people have the ability to continually recall their past romantic relationship, they may direct attention away from other possible romantic interests and potential partners. An important next step in understanding the ripple effects of recalling previous relationship memories is examining how this recall affects future relationships. Finally, the present study relied on a convenience sample in which younger college students were overrepresented. Future research should examine similar behaviors in more established relationships.

Conclusion

Initiating and maintaining relationships creates memories, and consequently the dissolution process calls into question what to do with the trove of virtual possessions from a dissolved relationship, how to manage the associated artifacts, and how these artifacts affect individuals’ ability to adjust to the breakup. This study sought to understand the influence that virtual artifact management has on people’s ability to recover from the end of a relationship, and the results provide insight into the effect virtual artifact management may have on the way people experience the varying relationship dissolution processes. The findings reinforce the possibility of a new process—relational curation—in which people actively interact with and manage their memories of a relationship vis-à-vis their virtual possessions. In sum, findings showed that the persistence of online memories has the potential to affect the breakup process as individuals struggle with how to frame the breakup and prepare for future relationships.

Footnotes

Authors’ note

An earlier version of this article was presented at the 2019 meeting of the National Communication Association in Baltimore, MD, USA.

Funding

The author(s) disclosed receipt of the following financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article: A portion of this work was funded by the High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group, Contract 15F06718C0002523 awarded to The University of Texas at Austin. Any opinions, findings, conclusions, or recommendations expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government.

ORCID iDs

Nicholas Brody

Leah LeFebvre

Open research statement

As part of IARR’s encouragement of open research practices, the authors have provided the following information: This research was not pre-registered. The data used in the research are available. The data can be obtained via email. Materials used in the research are available. The materials can be obtained via emailing author nbrody@pugetsound.edu.

Notes

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