Who's the Boss? Parents' Failed Attempts to Influence the Outcomes of Conflicts between their Children

Using home observations of 40 families with two preschoolaged children, we examined sibling conflicts in which parents intervened and yet the outcomes were discordant with their positions. Our specific interest was to discover the processes by which young children influenced the outcome of these conflicts. We found that in 30 percent of conflicts in which parents became involved, the outcome of the conflict was discordant with the parents' position. In such conflicts children were more engaged (such conflicts were nearly twice as long) and justified their positions more often while ignoring their opponents less often than in conflicts that ended in accord with their parents' positions. Three patterns by which parents failed in their attempts to influence the outcome of sibling conflicts were identified: cases where parents Persevered (48%), Abandoned (29%), or Changed (24%) their initial position. We argue that conflicts in which parents Changed positions provide the clearest example of sophisticated bidirectional processes of conflict resolution by all family members.