Love Shouldn’t Hurt

Abstract

The healthy messages parents convey to their adolescents about risk behaviors may be related to better adolescent outcomes. Few studies have examined the types of messages or strategies caregivers use to discuss dating violence with their early adolescents. We conducted semi-structured interviews with 20 African American maternal caregivers of early adolescent girls. Interviews were digitally recorded, transcribed, and coded using an emergent process. Themes in dating violence conversations focused on the meaning of love, identifying red flags in relationships, and what to do when involved in a problem dating situation. Caregivers used teachable moments (e.g., watching a TV show) to start conversations, weaved dating violence topics into conversations about other sensitive topics, or included their young daughter in conversations with older siblings. The results of this study highlight strategies that can be implemented in family-based prevention programming and also the importance of helping caregivers communicate their values and expectations.

Keywords

dating violence parenting communication minority

Even though parents may not believe that dating violence is a problem or a concern for their adolescents because their adolescents are not dating (Rothman, Miller, Terpeluk, Glauber, & Randel, 2011), adolescents are exposed to violence in their dating relationships. Data from a nationally representative sample of adolescents in 7th to 12th grade indicates that 32% of adolescents reported experiencing psychologically or physically violent dating behaviors within 18 months of completing the survey (Halpern, Oslak, Young, Martin, & Kupper, 2001). Although their dating relationships are different from those of older adolescents (Connolly & McIsaac, 2011; Noonan & Charles, 2009), younger adolescents also report exposure to dating violence (Lormand et al., 2013; Simon, Miller, Gorman-Smith, Orpinas, & Sullivan, 2010). Finally, Breiding et al. (2014) reported that 23% of adult women who had experienced intimate partner violence had their first experience of partner violence during adolescence (i.e., before age 18).

The prevalence of dating violence exposure among adolescents is concerning given its association with a variety of negative health outcomes such as poor school performance, substance use, depression, eating disorders, and sexual risk behaviors (e.g., Ackard & Neumark-Sztainer, 2002; Banyard & Cross, 2008; Erickson, Gittleman, & Dowd, 2010). These associations have been found concurrently and longitudinally in diverse samples of adolescents and young adults. For example, Exner-Cortens, Eckenrode, and Rothman (2013) reported that exposure to dating violence during adolescence was associated with increased substance use, depressive symptoms, suicidal behavior, and intimate partner violence in young adulthood. Recently, Lormand et al. (2013) noted that these associations hold in a sample of urban middle school students.

Not all adolescents may be equally susceptible to experiencing dating violence. Past work has documented that racial/ethnic minority adolescents and females are more likely to experience dating violence than their peers (Holt & Espelage, 2005; Wolfe, Crooks, Chiodo, & Jaffe, 2009). For example, 10.3% of Black and 10.4% of Latino high school students reported having experienced physical dating violence compared with 9.7% of White students (Kann et al., 2014). Alleyne-Green, Coleman-Cowger, and Henry (2012) found that racial/ethnic minority adolescent girls appear to be at particular risk of experiencing partner violence in their dating relationships. In a recent qualitative study, racial/ethnic minority adolescents reported higher rates of acceptance of norms supporting dating violence (Reeves & Orpinas, 2012). Taken together, these studies highlight the pressing need to develop effective preventive interventions and to better understand factors associated with dating violence exposure, particularly for racial/ethnic minority adolescent girls.

To date, prevention programmers have focused on helping adolescents develop skills to identify and deal with dating violence in their relationships. Recently, teen dating violence prevention programmers have encouraged more involvement by parents in adolescent dating relationships and awareness of dating violence (Foshee et al., 2012; Tharp et al., 2011). Despite this attention from public health campaigns, less empirical work has focused on how we can help parents help their children. Yet, parents play an important role in their children’s development through parenting styles and practices. Darling and Steinberg (1993) define parenting styles as “a constellation of attitudes toward the child that are communicated to the child, and that taken together, create an emotional climate through which the parent’s behaviors are expressed” (p. 488). Parenting practices, on the other hand, are “goal-directed behaviors through which parents perform their parental duties” (p. 488). Parenting practices, such as parental monitoring, are associated with decreased exposure to dating violence (Brendgen, Vitaro, Tremblay, & Lavoie, 2001; Pflieger & Vazsonyi, 2006).

Some parenting practices have been explored as they relate to adolescent dating and romantic relationships. Kan, McHale, and Crouter (2008) studied parental involvement in romantic relationships and identified three types of involvement including positively involved, negatively involved, and autonomy-oriented. These types of parental involvement related to adolescent romantic relationships in the context of parent-child relationship quality. Another parenting practice, setting rules, was also found to relate to parent-child relationship quality, which mirrors results found in research on parental management of peer relationships (Madsen, 2008). It appears that parenting practices and parenting styles relate to peer relationships, and more specifically, to romantic relationships. A main distinction between parenting practices and parenting style is that parenting styles influence child behaviors indirectly whereas parenting practices have a direct influence (Darling & Steinberg, 1993). This distinction is important as it highlights a potential area of intervention for prevention programmers.

In this study, we focused on an understudied parenting practice in the field of adolescent dating violence. Relatively few studies have examined parent-child communication about adolescent dating violence, particularly in families of racial/ethnic minority and younger adolescents. Yet, the messages that parents convey to their adolescents about dating violence may influence adolescents’ beliefs and attitudes about dating violence and their subsequent behavior. Research on aggression in general, for example, demonstrates that parental beliefs about fighting and aggression are related to their adolescents’ aggressive behaviors (Copeland-Linder et al., 2007; Miller, Gorman-Smith, Sullivan, Orpinas, & Simon, 2009; Solomon, Bradshaw, Wright, & Cheng, 2008; Sullivan et al., 2012). In addition, work focused on parental communication about sexual topics has also demonstrated that open, repeated, and diverse discussions about sexual topics is positively related to adolescent sexual health (for reviews, see DiIorio, Pluhar, & Belcher, 2003; Jaccard, Dodge, & Dittus, 2002). Finally, a recent randomized-trial evaluation of a family-based adolescent dating violence prevention program (Families for Safe Dates) found that the program improved parents’ knowledge of adolescent dating violence issues and self-efficacy in communication with their adolescents and adolescents’ reports of physical dating violence victimization (Foshee et al., 2012). Together, this prior work provides a framework for understanding the relevance of parent-child communication about dating violence to adolescents’ experiences of dating violence.

Adolescent dating violence does not appear to be a common family discussion topic. In fact, Rothman et al. (2011) reported that parents were less likely to talk to their adolescents about dating violence than other sensitive topics including substance use, sexual behavior, and dating relationships in general. Parents may not focus on dating violence in their discussions with their adolescents because they do not believe this is an issue for their adolescents or they are unaware of their adolescents’ dating violence exposure. It is also likely that parents do not talk to their adolescents about dating violence because their child is too young or they do not believe their child is dating (Rothman et al., 2011) though research has shown that dating is common among adolescents and that they typically begin dating during early adolescence (Carver, Joyner, & Udry, 2003). During adolescence, dating relationships progress from mixed group dating to more intimate partner relationships, and early dating relationship are often less stable than older dating relationships (Carver et al., 2003; Collins, Welsh, & Furman, 2009; Connolly & McIsaac, 2011). Whether parents perceive more or less risk in the different developmental phases of dating behavior is unknown, yet their perceptions of this risk may influence the messages they communicate to their adolescents about dating violence risk. Parents may communicate messages about avoiding risk situations and staying safe to younger adolescents, whereas parents who know their child is in a dating relationship may focus more on identifying the signs of dating violence and what to do when faced with that situation. The types of topics discussed may become more nuanced as adolescents get older and share with their parents their relationship experiences.

It is clear that more research is needed that focuses specifically on the messages that parents communicate to their adolescents about dating violence. Akers, Yonas, Burke, and Chang (2011) conducted focus groups with African American caregivers and their adolescents (ages 15-17) to examine family messages about sexuality and found that discussions about dating violence emerged in the transcripts. Specifically, parents were motivated to speak to their adolescents about dating violence to prevent their children from experiencing dating violence, and that parents were particularly concerned about their adolescent daughters. Parents reported using different strategies, including giving examples from their own life, in discussing dating violence with their adolescents. Finally, they found that the messages that parents communicated to their children differed by adolescent gender. Whereas girls were typically told to “be safe,” their sons were often told to “respect their partners.” In the current study, we conducted qualitative interviews with urban African American maternal caregivers and specifically asked them about the messages they communicated to their early adolescent daughters about dating violence.

Method

Participants

Data for the current manuscript come from a larger qualitative study with 25 African American maternal caregivers and their young adolescent daughters (ages 11-14 years) that examined the influence of familial, peer, and media messages on adolescent sexual health. This manuscript focuses solely on the responses of 20 maternal caregivers because the dating violence question was asked as a probe that emerged after participants’ responses to other sexual behavior communication questions; so not all caregivers were asked about dating violence. The majority of caregivers (90%) were the adolescents’ biological mother, and the remaining were the adolescents’ grandmothers. Caregivers ranged in age from 30 to 64 years with a mean of 42.30 years (SD = 8.65). Thirty percent of caregivers were married with the remaining being single (45%), legally separated (10%), and divorced (15%). With respect to caregiver educational status, 27.3% reportedly received less than 12 years of education, 22.7% completed a high school level of education, 27.3% obtained some college education, 9.1% completed 4 years of college, and 13.6% did not offer a response.

Procedure and Semi-Structured Interview Questions

Data were collected from April 2010 to March 2011. Participants were recruited through flyers posted at local community centers, churches, and health clinics, and through word of mouth or snowballing techniques. In addition, the study coordinator described the project at registration events for a girls’ summer camp. If dyads were eligible (i.e., they self-identified as African American, adolescents were between 11 and 14 years of age) and agreed to participate, an appointment was scheduled. Meetings were scheduled at a time and location that was convenient for the participants and included the participants’ home, the research office, and a local community center. Caregivers were asked to provide consent to participate and permission for their adolescents to participate. Adolescents were asked to assent to participate. As part of the larger study, participants completed a short survey and also engaged in three interaction tasks prior to the semi-structured interview. Maternal caregivers and adolescent girls were interviewed at the same time but in different rooms.

The first author, a Latina and licensed clinical psychologist, interviewed the caregivers, and a graduate student researcher, an African American female health psychology doctoral student, interviewed the adolescent girls. The first author has extensive experience conducting qualitative research and trained the doctoral student interviewer. Training included reviewing the research protocol, strategies for engaging racial/ethnic minority families in research, interviewing strategies (e.g., open-ended questions), and role-playing. Both interviewers have also taken courses in qualitative methodology, interviewing, and coding. The interviews were digitally recorded to capture the exact words of the participants and field notes were taken at the same time to ensure accuracy of the data and record interviewers’ general observations. The entire study procedure, including surveys, semi-structured interviews, and caregiver-adolescent conversations, lasted approximately 1.5 to 2.5 hours. Each participant received US$25 cash to compensate her for her time and effort.

Caregivers provided information about their age, race/ethnicity, marital status, education level, and relationship to the target child in a short survey that was completed prior to the semi-structured interview. Adolescents provided demographic information about their age, grade level, grades, and race/ethnicity. Within the context of an interview that focused on influences of adolescent sexual behavior, some caregivers were asked whether they had ever talked to their adolescent daughters about dating violence, and if so, what they told them.

Data Analysis Plan

We conducted a thematic content analysis using an inductive approach coupled with grounded theory techniques (Strauss & Corbin, 1990). We chose a thematic content analysis because it allowed us to identify patterns within the data that represent social stories (i.e., dating violence discussion) and give meaning to a particular experience or phenomena (Braun & Clarke, 2006). Digital recordings were transcribed by research assistants (who were not the interviewers or coders) and transcripts were checked by independent research assistants to ensure consistency with the digital recordings. Transcripts were uploaded and managed with a qualitative data analysis program, which allowed us to link the themes to the text. Each transcript was put in line-numbered form and read and analyzed in detail using NVivo8 software. Inconsistencies were verified with the hard copy of the survey and changes were made accordingly.

Two coders read all the transcripts, identified themes, and explored the transcripts for fundamental patterns. The coders consisted of a female Latino psychology faculty member and licensed clinical psychologist (the individual who interviewed the maternal caregivers) and a female African American nursing faculty member and psychology nurse practitioner clinician. Both coders have prior experience with qualitative methods and coding, participated in the development of the code book, and came to consensus on the emergent themes through multiple discussions and transcript review. Grounded theory techniques were used to categorize the data into constructs while using a constant comparative method to identify emerging themes (Strauss & Corbin, 1990). As such, using open coding, initial descriptive codes were identified and then translated into major categories and/or subcategories. Then, axial coding was used to identify patterns of meaning between the categories; upon which selective coding was then used to develop critical themes within the data to present an overall perception of beliefs and communication about dating violence. Finally, our goal for establishing reliability in our coding process was conducted through intense and multiple discussions about coding and reaching consensus on the coding (Bradley, Curry, & Devers, 2007; Harry, Sturges, & Klingner, 2005). In addition, we used numerous techniques to ensure the trustworthiness and credibility of the study including memoing, using code lists, ongoing analysis meetings (Miles & Huberman, 1994), multiple coders (Denzin & Lincoln, 1998), and bracketing and setting aside our own personal experiences and prejudgments (Charmaz, 2000).

Results

Narratives revealed that 85% (n = 17) of the caregivers reported some conversations about dating violence. Seven themes emerged from the narratives, which were then grouped into three main domains: (a) Talking About Dating Violence: What Caregivers Say; (b) Ways to Promote the Conversation; and (c) Why Caregivers Don’t Talk to Their Daughters About Dating Violence. Table 1 provides an alias for the adolescent participants and some demographic information for the adolescents and caregivers.

Table 1.

Adolescents’ Alias, Age, and Relationship History, and Caregivers’ Age and Marital Status.

Adolescent alias	Adolescent age	Adolescent relationship history^a	Caregiver age	Caregiver marital status
Monique	12 years old	No	41	Legally separated
Marissa	14 years old	Yes	53	Married
Ali	12 years old	Yes	57	Divorced
Sherry	14 years old	No	44	Single
Kristin	11 years old	Yes	64	Single
Kameron	13 years old	Yes	44	Divorced
Janessa	12 years old	No	40	Married
Tammy	14 years old	Yes	38	Divorced
Jesse	12 years old	No	36	Married
Tiffany	14 years old	No	37	Married
Jada	14 years old	Yes	30	Single
Laila	14 years old	Yes	37	Single
Tanisha	14 years old	No	40	Married
Jasmine	14 years old	Yes	31	Single
Lisa	11 years old	Yes	47	Single
Leslie	11 years old	Yes	30	Single
Timika	14 years old	Yes	44	Married
Chloe	12 years old	Yes	48	Single
Desiree	14 years old	No	42	Single
Raven	12 years old	Yes	43	Legally separated

Adolescent response to question, “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

Talking About Dating Violence: What Caregivers Say

Love shouldn’t hurt

Responses from 11 caregivers revealed that caregivers believed they communicated the meaning of love, indicating that love should feel good and not hurt, and that abuse was a sign of disrespect. For example, Tammy’s caregiver told her daughter, “Don’t let no man put their hands on you, ’cause you know that’s not love.” Similarly, Sherry’s caregiver said, “If a man put their hands on you, that man don’t really respect you . . . You do not need that man . . . just let go and leave him alone.”

The responses of some caregivers reflected messages that focused on increasing their daughters’ awareness of psychological and physical harm, and that dating violence should not be considered an act of love. For example, Jasmine’s caregiver focused on emotional control when she said, “I told her that um ‘some men can get in your head.’ You know, ‘Tell you, um . . . if I love you, that’s why I hit you.’” She went on to say,

I don’t want her to think for any second that that’s okay. Cause it’s not okay. Because if he loves you, love does not hurt. Love does not have to hurt. And if he can’t keep or refrain himself from touching you, you don’t need to be with him.

Laila’s caregiver said, “Emotional abuse is a lot worser [than physical abuse or neglect] because there’s no real scars to show. And then women actually feel that they are bein’ loved by getting mistreated.” Finally, some caregivers did not communicate about relationship violence within the context of love and instead told their daughters that they should never let others hurt them. For example, Marissa’s caregiver said, “She’s always been told by her father you know ‘never let a man, you know, beat on you.’” Similarly, Ali’s caregiver shared, “You don’t see mommy or grandma or nothing like that lettin’ the man hurt them. And you don’t let a man hurt you.”

If he hits you, then you have to leave

Narratives from 10 caregivers revealed that they told their daughters that they should leave an abusive situation. For example, Chloe’s caregiver said, “When a man do that [hit you] you, then you know it’s time to go.” Some caregivers mentioned who daughters could talk to if they experienced an abusive situation (e.g., police, parents) and what might happen if they did not leave. For example, Tammy’s caregiver told her, “Call the police. Don’t let no man put they hands on you. Cause you know, that’s not love . . . and if you go back to him, he going to keep on doing it.” Leslie’s caregiver reported,

It’s not okay that a boy hit you, and if he hit then you need to leave. And, I tell her don’t put your hands on him either . . . you don’t want him to hit you back [so] don’t put your hands on him.

Finally, Timika’s caregiver said, “You have to run away. If you have phone call 911 or call me.”

Caregivers believed that the strong family bonds they shared would facilitate open communication and expression of fears or concerns. It was believed that if their daughters were in danger they certainly would know to come and tell them or to tell someone in their family. As Ali’s caregiver put it, “I feel as if somebody was hurting her, I think even if they threatened, the parent or grandparent, I think she would still come and tell . . . because that is what we have instilled in her.” In addition, Jasmine’s caregiver said, “any time you feel like you are in danger or you feel like you are being threatened . . . call me.”

Open communication was believed to be a key prevention tool to stave off dating violence. And, some caregivers felt that it was important for them to bring up the conversation for fear of their daughters not knowing who to tell or who to go to if they were faced with the situation of abuse. For example, in thinking about the possibilities of what could happen if the discussion was not initiated, Monique’s caregiver reflected that “[daughters] would probably just talk to their friends and that becomes a problem because then nobody knows what has happened and then [girls] may get accustomed to being treated that way.” In line with this feeling, she further expressed her desire for encouraging communication with the family when she stated, “If they feel they can’t turn to their parent, they probably would not want to turn to authorities. So they probably would not have anywhere to really go.”

Look for the red flags

Eleven caregivers also encouraged their daughters to develop an awareness of their surroundings and instructed them on how to recognize “red flags,” which may signal danger. Specifically, some caregivers expressed the importance of getting to know an individual as a friend before entering into a romantic relationship. Tiffany’s caregiver told her daughter,

This guy may look like a nice person and be a creep on the inside and you will not know that by you just dating him a couple of times, you have to get to know that person through friendship.

Additionally, learning more about an individual’s background and family emerged as a strategy to recognize red flags and prevent entering into an abusive relationship; as, Laila’s caregiver mentioned “If he comes from a family . . . and if they yelling and fussing like that too, it starts right there.”

Two caregivers used their own personal experience as victims of domestic violence as a tool to teach daughters about the warning signs of abuse and emphasized that it is not okay to stay in an abusive situation. For example, Lisa’s caregiver said, “I told her about the red flags. You know, and I talk to her about how to get away from the situation and no, it’s not okay.” Raven’s caregiver said,

The thing is to not let anybody invade your space, change who you are or what you believe in . . . This is your life . . . So, the violence thing . . . the first anything that you raise their voice the wrong way, any red flag that you see or feel, it’s time to get out while the getting is good . . . There’s a zero tolerance for it.

Ways to Promote the Conversation

Using media to start the conversation

Five caregivers reported watching movies or talk shows with their daughters as a method for initiating conversations providing the stimulus for the conversation. For instance, Tanisha’s caregiver used a television show as a primer to discuss dating violence when she noticed her daughter appeared hesitant to engage in the conversation. She stated, “[My daughter] was trying to shy away from it at first so that’s why I just dove into it with the rape scenario and then just led on from one thing to the next.” Similarly, Jada’s caregiver said,

We have seen shows with rape and all that . . . You’re supposed to tell stuff like that, and just like sexual abuse. Anybody does that, you’re supposed to tell it because that’s not right. Nobody can force you to do anything you don’t want to do.

Other caregivers reported that many of their discussions consisted of short bursts of information that could be shared during a prime opportunity, such as watching a television show or hearing a commercial. For example, Ali’s caregiver stated,

We haven’t got into details but we have watched movies . . . and then [the] Maury show has a lot of good programs about teen violence and then she asks questions, so that’s a good way of us communicating . . . Sometimes that’s what parents need to do, just sit down and watch a commercial or something and say, “Well wow this should be interesting for me and the children [to get] a better understanding.”

Talking about dating and other sensitive topics

Seven caregivers’ shared that their discussions about dating violence often happened during conversations about dating or other sensitive topics such as sexual intercourse. In some families, this included encouragement to avoid dating and vague references to negative outcomes. For example, Jesse’s caregiver reported talking very little with her daughter about dating violence but instead she had shared with her the possible negative consequences of dating. She noted,

I told her I don’t think dating is good for you because some girls want to be accepted so much so that they will allow a boy to do things to them that’s not good for them, that is hurtful. And you know, if you don’t date, you won’t even have to deal with that.

Similarly, Tiffany’s caregiver reported that she did not discuss dating violence in detail with her daughter, but that she has shared the following with her:

If you are doing things you should not be doing, there’s going to be consequences and you never know. . . . I do tell her lots of things take place when people are not careful and not doing things appropriately. You know, you’re left with situations that may lead to these violent situations.

Finally, when asked if she’s talked to her daughter about dating violence, Chloe’s caregiver said, “If anybody asking her to have sex with them and forcing themselves on her. About not being scared of letting me or somebody know.”

Talking with older siblings or other family members

Another strategy that seven caregivers used in discussing this sensitive topic was to include their younger daughters in conversations with older siblings. A few caregivers stated they allowed their younger daughters to be included in a conversation with older sisters about the topic, thus creating a prime opportunity to expose the younger daughter to the information. Desiree’s caregiver stated that sometimes while, “talking to the oldest and she’ll [the youngest] be sitting there so I just go on and ask her the same question.” She stated that although her daughter is not old enough to date, she believes it is beneficial to include her in the conversation because “she’s more developed and shaped like a woman, so with older people saying things to her, I just want to prepare her before [that happens].” This point was corroborated when Timika’s caregiver shared the following scenario concerning talking to her children about difficult subjects such as sex and violence,

I talk to my older one . . . and I call her [younger] sister and [say] this is important talking. And when I start talking about it they cover their ears. I said, “no don’t cover your ears, I want you to know.”

Marissa’s caregiver shared the fact that her daughter has overheard her talking about her sibling’s potentially violent relationship, which she then uses as an opportunity to further impart the importance of not engaging in a violent relationship.

Why Caregivers Don’t Talk to Their Daughters About Dating Violence

Reasons why caregivers had not talked to their daughters about relationship violence included that their daughters were too young for the conversation, their daughters were not dating or in a romantic relationship, and that dating violence would not be a problem for their daughters because they were sure of themselves. For example, Ali’s caregiver said, “. . . but with her as strong-minded as she is, I don’t feel as if she would ever let a little boy hurt her.” Tanisha’s caregiver stated that she often has not gone into great depths about dating violence beyond a small snippet of information. One reason for this included believing that her daughter was too young to engage in a purposeful conversation because at that stage in her daughter’s development she was more focused on peer relationships. For instance, she stated, “I don’t worry too much about it, ’cause she’s not there yet; her main thing now is, bein’ smaller than her other friends.”

Discussion

Relatively few studies have explored the messages African American maternal caregivers share with their adolescent daughters about dating violence. In this qualitative study, we identified themes related to the content of the messages communicated to adolescent girls, strategies for promoting these conversations, and reasons why caregivers did not talk to their adolescent daughters about dating violence. Although, our findings are based on interviews with 20 maternal caregivers (17 of whom reported talking to their daughters about dating violence), they are consistent with prior research in parent-adolescent sexual health communication and provide areas for future research, and potential insights for prevention implications.

We found that the majority of caregivers in our qualitative study reported having some type of dating violence conversation with their daughters. It is possible that the context in which these families lived is related to the maternal caregivers’ openness to discussing dating violence with their early adolescent daughters and also the topics they chose to discuss. Specifically, living in an urban environment with high rates of community violence or being exposed to socio-demographic disadvantage may increase an adolescent’s risk of being exposed to community and family violence (Banyard & Cross, 2008; Vézina & Hébert, 2007), which in turn is related to dating violence experiences and also adolescent’s attitudes about dating violence (Malik, Sorenson, & Aneshensel, 1997; Manganello, 2008; Windle & Mrug, 2009). African American caregivers living in dangerous communities may use different parenting practices based on the conditions of their community (Murry, Bynum, Brody, Willert, & Stephens, 2001).

Dating violence messages primarily focused on not mistaking aggression in dating relationships as “love,” identifying red flags for dating violence, and knowing what to do when faced with a problematic dating situation. The messages that “love shouldn’t hurt” may reflect the caregivers’ concerns that adolescents may be confused about what is and is not acceptable dating behavior. Johnson et al. (2005) noted that drawing the line between behaviors that are playful versus those that are abusive may be difficult for some adolescents. In addition, some adolescents may consider violence to be a common and normal occurrence in dating relationships. In fact, researchers have noted that adolescents may justify or accept the use of violent dating behaviors within certain contexts or as a means of expressing emotions (Helms, Sullivan, Corona, & Taylor, 2013; Sears, Byers, Whelan, Saint-Pierre, & The Dating Violence Research Team, 2006; Simon et al., 2010; Smith, Winokur, & Palenski, 2005). A recent study found that the acceptability of dating violence is higher for younger adolescents than for older adolescents suggesting the need to target this specific developmental stage (Orpinas, Hsieh, Song, Holland, & Nahapetyan, 2013). Despite this, many caregivers in the current study indicated that developmental concerns (e.g., girls were too young, not yet dating) had kept them from talking in greater depth to their early adolescent girls about this topic.

Caregivers also shared messages indicating that the adolescent girls should leave a relationship if it becomes violent. What seems to be missing from these messages, however, are strategies for helping the adolescent girls move out of a violent relationship while not disrupting other friendships that may be connected to that dating partner. This may be particularly hard for younger adolescents whose dating relationships may still be in the “group” dating phase and whose romantic partner is likely to be part of a larger mixed-gender friend group (Connolly, Furman, & Konarski, 2000). Sullivan and colleagues (2012) found that middle school students, 85% of whom were African American, reported feeling like they could better respond to problems in dating relationships when they received messages from their parents about healthy relationships or when their parents served as role models. However, it is noted that within our study of African American caregivers, two of the mothers did imply that their daughters would not allow perpetration of dating violence against themselves because their daughters would hit the perpetrator before they aggressed against her or in defense so that she could then get out of the situation. While this does not indicate actual condoning of dating violence, it may shed light on potential beliefs and values that caregivers may inadvertently communicate to their daughters about violence perpetration. Thus, our research suggests African American caregivers may benefit from learning strategies they can then teach their children about the nuances of the experience and how to maintain healthy friendships while leaving a problematic relationship. Our findings also highlight a need for more research on the types of topics that urban African American caregivers give to their adolescent daughters. Specifically, few caregivers reported that they talked to their daughters about adolescent girls as perpetrators of dating violence, yet that is not uncommon.

We also identified strategies that caregivers used to initiate and maintain conversations such as using the media as a teachable moment, including younger adolescent girls in conversations with older siblings, and weaving dating violence discussions into discussions about other sensitive topics (e.g., substance use, sexual risk behavior). In today’s society, many adolescents have access to multiple forms of media such as television, cable, computers, the Internet, video games (Rideout, Foehr, & Roberts, 2010). Television, the most prevalent form of media is watched by African Americans adolescents more than any other racial/ethnic group, about 5 hours a day (Ward, 2004). Using the media as a teachable moment is particularly important given that media depictions of violence are a risk factor for dating violence, especially among African American adolescents (Friedlander, Connolly, Pepler, & Craig, 2013; Henry & Zeytinoglu, 2012).

Given all the different types of media adolescents are exposed to, it is unfortunately not difficult to find a television show, music video, or movie that depicts or focuses on teen dating violence. Prevention programmers could help caregivers by developing a list of different types of shows that they can use to start conversations with their children. These media clips could focus both on developing and maintaining healthy relationships since it is not uncommon for young adolescents to want to start dating. The caregivers in our study focused their messages on helping their adolescents identify the “red flags” for dating violence, but they did not focus on aspects of healthy relationships. It is possible this did not emerge as a theme because the questions were focused on dating violence; however, communication about healthy relationships is just as important for adolescents’ dating behaviors as information about dating violence. They could also help caregivers learn how to directly address images of dating violence that their adolescents are exposed to in the media (e.g., learning media literacy skills). Media literacy helps adolescents understand and evaluate what they are watching thereby making them more active viewers rather than passive recipients of information and has shown some promise as an intervention approach (Austin & Johnson, 1997; Robinson, Chang, Haydel, & Killen, 2001; Wade, Davidson, & O’Dea, 2003). Most media literacy programs are youth-based, yet the results from our study show that caregivers of younger adolescents watch television shows with their children and use what they are seeing as a teachable moment for talking about sensitive topics.

Despite the sensitive nature of the topic, some mothers used their own personal experiences with dating violence as a way of communicating their attitudes and beliefs to their daughters. This is consistent with parent-child communication literature that focuses on other difficult topics such as sexual risk behaviors and HIV (Akers et al., 2011; Corona et al., 2009). For some parents, however, making the decision to share such personal information with one’s daughter can be difficult. Parents may benefit from learning communication skills to help them with this disclosure process, as well as strategies that take the focus off the parent and move it back to the decision the adolescent must make.

We also found that some caregivers said that they did not tend to have long, drawn out discussions about dating violence but rather shorter conversations. These types of conversations are important as they may set the stage for developing an open style of communication about dating violence while also allowing caregivers to focus the conversation based on the developmental level of their adolescent. It is not enough to have the “one” conversation about dating violence; instead, caregivers need to have multiple and more detailed conversations as youth get older and the contexts they find themselves in change. In fact, Martino, Elliot, Corona, Kanouse, and Schuster (2007) found that both the breadth and repetition of parent-child discussions about sexual topics were important. In addition, having an established pattern of open communication is related to moving conversations from neutral to more sensitive topics (Beckett et al., 2010; Hutchinson, Jemmott, Jemmott, Braverman, & Fong, 2003; Karofsky, Zeng, & Kosorok, 2001; Wilson, Dalberth, Koo, & Gard, 2010).

Caregivers who had older adolescents also noted the usefulness of pulling the younger child into conversations with older siblings. Typically researchers focus primarily on discussions between parent and one child in the family, yet we found that triadic conversations occur and may make these discussions easier to initiate. Other researchers have also reported that younger siblings are often present during conversations about sexual risk topics (Corona, 2010; Ford & Norris, 1991; O’Sullivan, Dolezal, Brackis-Cott, Traeger, & Mellins, 2005) and that older siblings are often considered a source of relationship advice for their younger siblings (Killoren & Roach, 2014; McHale, Updegraff, & Whiteman, 2012). Involving older siblings may be particularly relevant for African American adolescents given the important role extended family members (e.g., siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents) play in their development (Jones, Zalot, Foster, Sterrett, & Chester, 2007; Taylor, 2010). The findings from our study suggest that sibling-to-sibling conversations about dating violence are also important areas of future study given that younger adolescents can be influenced by their older siblings’ risk and protective behavior and peer group (Crouter, Whiteman, McHale, & Osgood, 2007; East & Khoo, 2005; Updegraff & Umaña-Taylor, 2010).

Limitations

Our findings contribute to an emerging literature on parent-child communication about dating violence and highlight strategies caregivers can use to initiate and maintain those discussions. In addition, our results highlight a need for future research to examine the relation between parent-adolescent communication about dating violence and adolescents’ experiences of dating violence. Studies that also explore whether adding family components to adolescent-based dating violence prevention programs change the types of messages that parents communicate to their children are warranted. Finally, it is clear that more work is needed that examines parental knowledge of adolescents’ dating behavior and its relation to parent-adolescent communication about dating violence.

Despite these contributions, the results are based on the perceptions of 20 urban African American maternal caregivers of young adolescent girls. It is likely that caregiver strategies and messages may differ when speaking with adolescent boys. For example, research has shown that parents talk about different sexual topics with their sons than daughters and that messages may differ based on the gender of the parent (see DiIorio et al., 2003 for a review). Messages may also differ based on whether a caregiver knows her daughter is sexually active or in a dating relationship. For example, few maternal caregivers mentioned discussions that focused on their daughter or girls in general as the perpetrator of violence, yet prior research has demonstrated that girls are both victims and perpetrators of dating violence. Future research that examines differences in messages by adolescent gender, age, dating status, and parent gender are needed and could help prevention programmers determine whether gender- and age-appropriate curricula are needed. In addition, more work is needed that explores the different types of messages provided given the different types of dating violence victimization and perpetration.

Obtaining the perspectives of adolescents is a crucial missing piece in this study, especially since adolescents do not often disclose their experiences of dating violence with their parents. More research is needed on what parents tell their adolescents about dating violence, how adolescents process that information, and whether or not they feel their parents’ suggestions are useful. For example, Farrell et al. (2008) found that urban middle school students did not necessarily agree that strategies for dealing with youth aggression as identified by research would be effective. Given this belief, it is likely that adolescents would not implement these evidence-based strategies when presented with a peer conflict situation.

It is also important to note that our analysis focused on maternal caregiver reports of the messages they communicate to their adolescent daughters. Future research using observational measures may reveal the messages maternal caregivers share with their daughters in conversations and the strategies they use in discussing this topic. Observational research would also allow an examination of communication style including communication dominance and whether some topics are discussed for a longer time than other topics and in greater or less detail.

Exploring dating violence messages in other racial/ethnic groups is also important given that racial/ethnic minority adolescents are at high risk of experiencing dating violence and that different cultural values and contexts may influence the messages about dating violence that are communicated to adolescents. For example, some Latino parents hold traditional norms around dating for their adolescent girls compared with boys and are more open to the idea of their son dating than their daughter (Bouris et al., 2012; Suárez-Orozco & Qin, 2006). This parenting difference is often associated with cultural values of marianismo and machismo and as a result, may influence the types of messages that parents communicate to their children. Finally, longitudinal research is needed to better understand how these types of messages change over time within the same family, the interplay between peer and parent messages about dating violence, and whether parental messages about dating violence are actually associated with adolescent behavior.

Footnotes

Acknowledgements

The authors wish to acknowledge and express gratitude to the mothers and daughters who gave their time to participate and share their experiences with us. We would also like to thank our community partners and the research assistants who helped with recruitment, data entry, and data coding including Angela Patton, Torey Edmonds, Divinda Augustine, Kyra Kiehna, Shanna Akanbi, Thomas Wooldridge, and Jasmine Abrams.

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding

The author(s) disclosed receipt of the following financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article: This research study was funded by an NIMH R25 training program grant, The HIV Intervention Science Training Program for Racial/Ethnic Minority New Researchers (HISTP), through a sub-award awarded to Rosalie Corona from Columbia University.

Author Biographies

Rosalie Corona is an associate professor at Virginia Commonwealth University. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles. Her research focuses on health promotion in African American and Latino families. She has also been involved in the development and evaluation of family-based prevention programs.

Melissa M. Gomes is a nurse practitioner interested in adolescent health promotion and risk reduction. She has a particular interest in understanding and preventing youth aggression.

Michell Pope is a doctoral student in the Health Psychology Program at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, Virginia, where she also received her bachelor of science degree in psychology. Her research interests focus on minority adolescent health and parent-child communication surrounding health-related attitudes and behaviors.

Carla Shaffer is a postdoctoral fellow at the Clark-Hill Institute for Positive Youth Development at Virginia Commonwealth University. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University. Her research interests include improving parent-adolescent communication about sensitive topics in racial/ethnic minority families.

Anna Yaros is a postdoctoral fellow at the Clark-Hill Institute for Positive Youth Development at Virginia Commonwealth University. Her research interests are in risk and protective factors for youth aggression. She is interested in social cognitive risk factors, hostile attribution bias, and the role of parents in child development.

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