Enduring uncertainty: the social and legal vulnerabilities of women in ambiguous marital situations

Abstract

The long-standing conflict in Jammu and Kashmir has resulted in the enforced disappearance of thousands of married men, which has left their wives with a new fractured identity as a ‘half-widow’. Uncertain whether their husbands are dead or alive; their status is in limbo, leading to pervasive economic, social, legal and psychological problems. This article builds upon interviews with fourteen half-widows, aiming to gain an in-depth understanding of their lived experiences and the social trauma they face, including economic hardship, social stigmatisation and psychological trauma produced by their unresolved grief – which fluctuates between anguish over the possibility of death, and hope that their loved one will return.

Keywords

conflict enforced disappearance First Information Report (FIR)half-widows Jammu and Kashmir psychological trauma stigmatisation waiting women

Introduction

The Kashmir conflict, between India and Pakistan, is one of the most long-standing disputes in the South Asian region.¹ Although it started after the partition of India, it was, however, in 1989 when the conflict took the ugly form of an armed insurgency, followed by efforts of the Indian administration to combat it.² Some rebellious groups of Kashmiri people saw this insurgency as a liberation movement from India.³ Such a situation has resulted in the violation of human rights, the exodus of the Pandit community from the valley and increased rates of crime.⁴ The conflict has also resulted in economic deprivation and the constraint of local forms of life.⁵ Many people have lost their beloved children, parents, siblings, and some women have lost their husbands, who were their only source of support.⁶ The violence of the conflict has also led to huge economic devastation, extensive social turmoil, mental health deterioration and acute helplessness.⁷ In addition, the disappearances of husband(s) and/or father(s) has created unique issues of vulnerability and insecurity for some women and children in Jammu and Kashmir.

Enforced disappearances

Enforced disappearances in Kashmir have given rise to a fractured identity of ‘half-widows’ and ‘half-orphans’ in huge numbers. Article 2 of the International Convention for the Protection of All Persons from Enforced Disappearance (ICCPED) defines enforced disappearance as

the arrest, detention, kidnap or any other form of deprivation of liberty by agents of the State or by persons or groups of persons acting with the authorization, support or consent of the State, followed by a refusal to acknowledge the deprivation of liberty or by concealment of the destiny or whereabouts of the disappeared person, which place such a person outside the protection of the law.⁸

Enforced disappearances affect a huge number of people worldwide, with thousands losing family members due to conflict.⁹ Enforced disappearances were used by the Nazis throughout the second world war, to deliberately instill fear among people and to curb dissent.¹⁰ It was a tactic used during the 1960s and 1970s by many Latin American military regimes in El Salvador, Guatemala, Brazil, Argentina, and in Sri Lanka.¹¹ In Syria, the Al-Assad government has employed enforced disappearances to generate terror among people since the 1970s, and during the apartheid movement in South Africa, large numbers of campaigners were subjected to disappearance after being taken into custody by defence forces. Enforced disappearances are used to secretly take out political rivals, with no eyewitnesses, survivors, or evidence¹² and to curb political dissent.¹³ Whilst those who are disappeared are the primary sufferers, the families they leave behind are victims too.¹⁴ Their lives are drastically affected as they are forced to live in limbo; unable to mourn due to the lack of any knowledge about their loved ones, whilst continuously tormented by hope of their possible return. Many spend years, and their savings, looking in vain for their relatives.¹⁵

Jammu and Kashmir has a distinct history in relation to enforced disappearances. With the onset of the armed insurgency, thousands of people were disappeared.¹⁶ Although there is no accurate data available on enforced disappearance in the area, the Association of Parents of Disappeared Persons (APDP) estimate that at least 10,000 individuals have disappeared.¹⁷

Half-widows: an outcome of enforced disappearance

Due to the conflict in Jammu and Kashmir, it is estimated that almost 20,000 women have become widows.¹⁸ The conflict has given thousands of women a novel identity, that is, half-widows. The APDP and Jammu Kashmir Coalition of Civil Society (JKCCS) estimate that there are approximately 1,500 to 2,000 half-widows in the Kashmir valley.¹⁹ Half-widows constantly struggle with their ambiguous status. Their emotional trauma lies in living and waiting; unaware of what is going to come next and consoling themselves with the hopes that their missing spouses may be alive and will return one day. Due to this ambiguity, these women are identified as ‘waiting women’ in the media. They live in an intermediate state that refuses them both the position of wife and widow, as they have no evidence that proves that their husbands are either alive or dead, which means they are unable to receive benefits from governmental schemes.²⁰

Moreover, their support base starts to dwindle as their position in the family and in society drastically changes, heightening their insecurity. Half-widows are left to look after themselves and their children, whilst dealing with the acute pain of losing their loved one with the added context of shame and stigma.²¹ The bitter experiences of their past and concerns around the future of their children restrict them from remarrying, and they often become targets of physical abuse and harassment.²²

Half-widows are forced to struggle between their new responsibilities on the one hand and their own helplessness on the other,²³ whilst also carrying the burden of searching for their husbands, often unproductively, for years.²⁴ Often, half-widows suffer from psychological trauma including anxiety and depression, and commonly exhibit symptoms of psychological and psychosomatic disorders affecting their physical, psychological and social life.²⁵

Research methodology

The study aimed to gain an in-depth understanding of the lived experiences of half-widows, focusing on the social trauma they face. We interviewed fourteen women in total between May and August 2018, using purposive sampling to recruit participants who were willing to take part in the study and met the criteria, and theoretical sampling to analyse the emerging data.²⁶ A socio-demographic questionnaire enquiring about the participants’ age, education, employment, residence, time since husbands’ disappearance, number of children, and other relevant details, was given at the beginning of the interview process (Table 1). Semi-structured interviews were carried out in the participant’s home, with questions designed to be as open as possible in order to obtain diverse and rich responses.²⁷ The recorded interviews were then transcribed and merged with observational notes captured throughout the interview process. The data was then analysed using Colaizzi’s²⁸ method of data analysis in qualitative research.

Table 1.

Background information of participants (n =14).

Name	Number of years since husband’s disappearance	Number of children	Residence	Children living with	Property received
Feroza	8	0	Paternal home	–	No
Haleema	11	3	Rent	Mother	No
Sakeena	13	2	In-laws	Mother	Yes
Foziya	7	2	Paternal home	Paternal grandparents	No
Asima	5	1	Rent	Paternal grandparents	No
Anjum	17	0	Paternal home	–	Yes
Rubeena	6	2	Paternal home	Mother	No
Saleema	8	3	In-laws	Mother	Yes
Afrooza	14	2	Paternal home	Paternal grandparents	No
Hajra	19	5	Rent	Mother	No
Khalida	10	1	Paternal home	Mother	No
Shamima	9	3	Rent	Mother	Yes
Fatima	13	4	In-laws	Mother	Yes
Nazima	7	1	Paternal home	Mother	No

Filing the FIR

The First Information Report (FIR), a document that the police in India are required to produce when they initially learn that an offence has been committed, is necessary for an enquiry to begin. However, lodging an FIR in cases related to human rights violations in Kashmir is not an easy task.²⁹ A refusal to file FIRs in disappearance cases has been an established policy resolution that every police station in Kashmir has followed, mainly during the early years of the resistance.³⁰ Under section 154 of the Code of Criminal Procedure, police officers are required to take the complainant’s statement in writing in cases regarding disappearance.³¹ In our study, however, we found that there was systemic disregard for filing a complaint about disappearance in Kashmir. In most of the cases, participants revealed that the police refused to file an FIR. For some of interviewees, it took years to accomplish this initial step towards justice. Fatima’s husband was arrested during a night-raid by the Indian army. She finally succeeded in her efforts to file the FIR two years after her husband’s disappearance:

While we were having dinner, army men barged in our house and forcibly took my husband. Next day, we went to the local police station to lodge the FIR. The police officer on duty refused to file the FIR. Before we could narrate our story, he claimed that Rashid was having some militant links and he might have gone to Pakistan for training.

Fatima was not the only one; other participants also faced the same problem. Even in cases where half-widows and their families were successful in filing the FIR after continuous visits to police stations, investigations were never followed up. Saleema, with the help of a few influential contacts known by her relatives, managed to file the FIR at the police station. But to her disappointment no investigation was done into her case:

When we filed the FIR for Javaid’s disappearance, we were assured that the investigation will start shortly. They all failed . . . Eight years have passed now . . . It appears that like my husband, our FIR was also subjected to enforced disappearance. Now we have lost the trust over them. We know no investigation will ever take place.

The half-widows interviewed described how it was not just administrative obstacles that inhibited them from filing an FIR. People are fearful of raising their voices against oppression due to the political atmosphere in Kashmir, which fills people with anxiety around the safety of their families, pushing them to keep quiet and suffer in silence. In such cases, the half-widows decided not to file the report of the disappearance of their spouses due to future security concerns. Feroza’s husband was taken away by masked men from his shop late one day. Terrified of the possibility of losing her children, she dropped the idea of filing a report. It was a tough decision for Feroza, but her love for her children pushed her to sacrifice her own wishes:

After my husband’s disappearance, I tried to file the FIR in the police station. However to my shock, my father restrained me from doing so. He believed that raising voice against the perpetrators will have immense consequences for me and my children. Few years back, the son of a disappeared person was shot at when he raised his voice against the people involved in his father’s disappearance. Thinking about the wellbeing and safety of my own children, I dropped the idea of lodging the complaint.

Several half-widows discussed how they remained committed to searching for their spouses, despite the obstacles. They narrated how, after failing to file the FIR, they filed a habeas corpus petition in the High Court of Jammu and Kashmir as a last resort to seek information about their husbands. Although notices were issued by registrars in every case, soon the process became time consuming and too expensive, resulting in a loss of trust in the judiciary. Nazima’s husband was taken away by the Indian army during a crackdown. When there was no sign of his return, Nazima approached police for help, but the police refused to file the FIR. The disappointment did not discourage her and she filed a petition in the court:

After police refused to lodge the FIR, we approached the High court in order to file a habeas corpus petition. Before admitting our petition, the High Court issued many notices to the state, for any objection. After eight months, our petition was filed and a notice was issued by the registrar for legal procedure. Several hearings were held in the subsequent years, however, every time the hearing was adjourned by the concerned judges. It seemed like they are hesitant to make any judgment or pass an order which goes against the state. Now we don’t go there, because we have lost our trust over court also.

Besides the lack of trust in the judiciary, few have the economic resources to sustain such lengthy judicial processes.

Disappeared men and searching women

Families of the disappeared start their search as soon as they can, visiting the offices of authorities, places of incarceration, combat zones, hospitals, searching among dead bodies, uncovering graves and looking for those involved in the disappearance. Most families do not stop their search, even after years.³² The half-widows in our study expressed a feeling of moral obligation, discussing how their efforts provided them emotional satisfaction of fulfilling their duty towards their husbands. As a devoted wife, Fatima’s interminable grief forced her to search for her husband incessantly:

It has been fourteen years since my husband disappeared. In these years I have never stopped searching for him. Searching for him is a reason for me to live. Last year we heard from someone about my husband being held in Tihar jail. Although I had been there many times, however, I still choose to go there. Like earlier times, I came back empty handed. But I still did not lose hope. I will continue searching for him to the last day of my life.

Despite frequent visits to government offices, army camps, police stations, interrogation centres and jails (in Kashmir as well as outside) the half-widows revealed how they were unable to obtain any information about their husbands. The authorities gave no information and denied having any role in the disappearance. This was the case even when families were sure that the person was taken by the Indian security agencies. Hajra’s husband was taken into custody by army men from a local market after a mass protest in 2004. When the family went to the army camp to get him back, the officers denied their involvement in his arrest:

When he was arrested, we went to the army camp to take him out of there. The commanding officer refused to take responsibility and denied their role in my husband’s arrest. We produced few men [who had witnessed her husband’s arrest by the army of the same camp] from the neighbourhood before the commanding officer, but he still out-rightly denied their involvement.

Families require sufficient financial resources to endure the long searching process for disappeared family members. Some half-widows with little money were forced to take out loans and/or sell property and other assets. Khalida, who was completely shaken by the disappearance of her husband, searched for him in jails, hospitals, morgues, camps and interrogation centers. Her continuous travelling to different places demanded significant financial resources, which was difficult to manage:

Initially I used the money we had saved for our daughters marriage to support my search for Wahid. After few months, there was no money left. Having no other alternative, I started asking for loans in order to continue search for my husband.

In the course of continuous searches, distressed half-widows are at risk of being financially exploited.³³ Half-widows in our study shared how they were asked for bribes in exchange for information about their missing husbands, and their desperation to get any minutiae of information led them to believe in the false promises of people who took advantage of their helplessness. Anjum belongs to a poor family. When her husband disappeared, she tried every way to trace him. Taking advantage of her helplessness, one of her neighbours offered his help in exchange of Rs. 20,000:

With every passing day hopelessness was overshadowing me and my enthusiasm. Suddenly when my neighbour offered me help, I was thrilled. I agreed to pay him the money he demanded in exchange of the help. I sold my cow [that was the only source of income to her family] for a meagre amount. With the exposure of his trickery, I begged him to return the money. Instead of paying heed to my continuous pleas, he threatened me of severe consequences.

In the process of searching for their husbands, half-widows approached politicians, legislators and policemen, visiting jails and detention camps,³⁴ which placed them in precarious circumstances in which they were exposed to people who could abuse their power and take advantage of them.³⁵ During their searches, the women often left their homes alone at night, and sometimes faced sexual abuse and harassment. We noted that women were mostly abused and harassed during their searches in police stations, jails and army camps. Assault (both physical as well as sexual) at the hands of men in uniform was the norm. Sakeena viewed army camps as frightening places that symbolise humiliation, torture, exploitation, killings, rape and abuse, which was confirmed when she went to an army camp to trace the whereabouts of her husband:

The memories of my first visit to an army camp are still fresh. At the first instance I was scared to take a step inside. But the movement of people inside provided me some relief. I had to travel a long distance from the gate of the camp to the commanding officers building. On the way, army men present in the bunkers were whistling and making personal comments about me. In the name of checking, few of them even tried to harass me. My legs were trembling and my heart was fluttering. That day I decided to never visit such places alone. But the tragedy that befell me again and again pushed me into such dangerous places.

Hostile relationships with in-laws

The disappearance of the husband leads to changes in the half-widow’s relationship with her in-laws. Sometimes, such relationships take an ugly turn. During the interviews, we noted that following the disappearance, in-laws often severed their relationships with the half-widows and their children. The half-widows were blamed by their in-laws for the disappearance of their sons and were even tortured and harassed. In such situations, half-widows left their in-laws’ home – either by choice or by force. After her husband disappeared, Rubeena’s mental health deteriorated as her family life began to shatter before her eyes. As she was grieving, she was tortured by her in-laws who blamed her:

When my husband disappeared in the year 2006, I was totally lost and was searching for him like a mad woman. As I was still in shock, my in-laws blamed me for his disappearance. They locked me in my room and tortured me. I was forced to leave my husband’s house.

The half-widows discussed how their natal home became their only source of refuge. However, returning to their natal home didn’t always help them, as in the long run, half-widows and their children are seen as a burden. A Kashmiri proverb used to describe a woman’s place in society is ‘yaa gour nati ghari’ which means ‘there are only two places for a married women to live in respectfully: either a husband’s house or a grave’. In cases where no one comes forward to help the half-widows and their children, they are rendered homeless.³⁶ Haleema was disowned by her in-laws as well as by her own brothers. They took away their support, adding to her grief and misery:

My father was the only source of support for me and my children. After his death, my sisters-in-law started humiliating us. One day in the evening, they asked me to leave the house along with my children. That incident shattered me from inside. The neglect at the hands of my own brothers was no less than a death for me.

In a number of cases, a hostile relationship with their in-laws resulted in the separation of the half-widows from their children. Several participants shared how the parents of the disappeared person decided to keep and raise the grandchildren, whilst throwing the mother out of their house. In order to avoid separation from their children, half-widows often decided to live at their husband’s house, even when they faced violence and harassment at the hands of their in-laws.³⁷ Afrooza, who has been living with her parents for the last fourteen years, remembered how she was forced out of her husband’s house:

Life crushed me with a dual tragedy. On one side, my husband disappeared and on the other side, I was forced by my in-laws to leave my husband’s home without my children. My condition is really miserable. I am fed up with this kind of life.

Economic impoverishment

The loss of a husband leads to economic insecurity, leaving the wife as the sole breadwinner of the family. In our study, most of the disappeared people belonged to economically disadvantaged sections of society, and were the sole earners in the family. Following their disappearance, half-widows suffered from a rapid decline in income, forcing them to be economically reliant on sources outside the home.³⁸ The half-widows were pushed into civic spaces dominated by men to take the responsibility of earning, all whilst providing for and looking after their children.³⁹ Most of the half-widows told us how their dependence on their husbands heightened the sense of loss and precarity after they disappeared. The struggle to manage household affairs, to grieve and to carry on searching for their husbands caused extreme distress. Fatima, an illiterate and unskilled woman who was dependent on her husband for every single need, assumed the role of her husband in order to sustain and take care of her elderly in-laws and four children:

This is a horrible experience for me. My husband’s disappearance has practically brought us to the level of begging. When he was with us, I hardly stepped out of my house. But now this has become a routine for me. With his disappearance we didn’t even had a proper meal. For the survival of my family, I started working as a domestic helper at neighbours houses and earned hardly Rs. 100 a day. Unable to satisfy the basic needs of my family with such meagre income, my eldest son dropped out of school and worked in a tea stall.

Like Fatima, many half-widows in Kashmir work as wage labourers, selling livestock or other products for meagre amounts of money, and some resorted to begging on the streets. As most of the half-widows in our study were illiterate, they relied on their physical capacities to provide for their families, often doing menial low-paying jobs such as stitching, embroidery work or working as domestic helpers,⁴⁰ which, with time, affected their physical as well as mental health. For those who couldn’t work, help from NGOs and local bait-ul-maals (committees), was their only source of sustenance. Rubeena, a victim of social trauma, was already suffering from multiple health issues before her husband’s disappearance. Following his disappearance, her condition worsened with each passing day:

When no one came forward to help me and my children, I was forced to take every responsibility on my own shoulders. I was not in good health due to the trauma I was going through. My in-laws refused to provide any kind of financial help to us. I went to many people and government offices for relief but everyone tried to get rid of me. Now I get some money on monthly basis from the local bait-ul-maal.

The prospect of being able to raise their children, and provide them with adequate food and a decent education, was beyond the expectations of the half-widows interviewed, as they lacked the resources and strength to secure the future of their children. However, their determination gave them the confidence to leave their homes and work with full enthusiasm, whilst also searching for their loved ones. The continuous searching further intensified the financial hardship of families.⁴¹ Anjum, whose husband disappeared only a few months after their marriage, devoted all the financial resources she had to searching for him:

I went from pillar to post to get any clue about my husband. I sold my jewelry to bear the cost of travels. But soon I ran short of money. I then asked for money from my relatives and friends, which I am not able to repay. When there was no option left, I used to wear burqa and beg on the roadsides.

Inheritance rights

In Islam there are guidelines for the distribution of property, including the share that a widow and her children are given. However, a half-widow (whose status is in limbo) and her children get nothing, until her husband is declared either dead or alive. They face enormous difficulties in obtaining their share in property, which often remains unsettled.⁴² In our study, we found that the majority of half-widows were denied their share in their husband’s property, thus making them socially and economically vulnerable. The majority of the participants approached their in-laws many times to ask for their share of property; however, every time they came back empty-handed. Like most of the half-widows, Nazima was deprived of her share in her husband’s property, which increased her social and economic vulnerabilities:

‘You have no right to live here.’ These were the words of my father-in-law when they turned out me and my daughter from my husband’s house. He didn’t give us our share in property in his life. When he died, I sought help from many people. But I was told that as my father-in-law has not given us our share in property when he was alive, we can’t claim anything now.

Half-widows whose husbands were government employees faced multiple challenges to transfer the pensions into their names and to claim the job, which is possible under SRO 43 of 1994 (compassionate appointment rules in the case of a death in harness due to a cause other than militancy related actions). Such participants mentioned that their in-laws managed to get their husband’s previous jobs as well as the pension by unfair means. Hajra experienced this when her brother-in-law managed to get her husband’s previous job under SRO 43 instead of her son, who was the rightful owner:

My husband was working in the health department. After many years of his disappearance, we somehow managed to get his death certificate so that my son can get a job under SRO. However, my brother-in-law managed to get the job by producing a fake medical certificate before the officials stating that my son is not mentally sound which makes him unfit for the post.

Hajra did not file a petition against her brother-in-law in court, due to her fear of losing her home provided by her in-laws and a lack of awareness about legal procedures.

The issue of remarriage

The remarriage of half-widows is a serious issue when, in the eyes of society, they are neither a widow nor a married woman. Islamic law permits widows to remarry after completing a waiting period of four months and ten days, but in the case of half-widows, there is a difference of opinion in Islamic thought around their waiting period and remarriage. Very few half-widows decide to get remarried, others restrain, due to the hope that their husbands will come back home. Most of the half-widows we interviewed mentioned how the issue of remarriage had an aspect of guilt attached to it, which was the main reason why most of the half-widows did not remarry. For Feroza, her remarriage would be a betrayal of her husband and his unconditional love towards her:

I never thought about remarrying. I still hope that my husband will come back to me one day. This hope is my only reason to live and no one can take this right from me. How can I betray my husband? Suppose if I remarry and he suddenly returns. How can I even live with this guilt then?

Although Islam encourages widows to remarry, social and cultural stigma around remarriage make it a difficult task in Kashmir, which is even harder for half-widows.

An additional barrier to remarriage, provided by half-widows in our study, was fears around the treatment of their children. In cases where a woman takes her children along with her after a new marriage, the children from the previous marriage are often subjected to callous behaviour from their new families.⁴³ Saleema was against the remarriage of widows and half-widows who had children with them:

My husband suddenly disappeared after the birth of our third daughter. After losing every hope of his return I started living again only for my daughters. My parents and in-laws asked me to remarry but I had the responsibility of three daughters. I have no assurance how the new family will treat my daughters. I am not even sure if they will accept them or not.

However, it must be acknowledged that some half-widows, particularly those who have no children and are economically stable, chose to marry again without any problem. They live happily with their new family, despite the social stigma.

Social isolation and stigmatisation

Enforced disappearances create an atmosphere of suspicion in the community. Visiting the families who have lost loved ones, providing them with any support or even the mere discussion of the disappearance is thought to put others at risk.⁴⁴ Therefore, in most cases, very few members of society offered any help to half-widows. The majority of half-widows interviewed revealed that their close neighbours, friends and relatives, out of the fear for their own safety, stopped visiting them, thus resulting in extreme isolation. This was apparent in the case of Shamima who lives with her three children in a rented room:

After the disappearance of my husband, the attitude of our relatives and neighbors towards us changed abruptly. Initially everyone used to come and offer support. With time they started neglecting us. I don’t know why but I feel that we have been socially boycotted and this feeling just adds to my trauma.

The absence of a man further exposes women to scrutiny in Kashmiri society.⁴⁵ They are watched with suspicion and scrutinised closely to ensure that they are practising purdah.⁴⁶ If they continue to dress as married women, or come out of their house too frequently, they are accused of trying to gain attention of other men and subjected to negative attitudes from the community.⁴⁷ Thus, the majority of the half-widows in our study avoided going to public places and limited contact with the outer world. Nazima imprisoned herself in her home because of the stereotypes about her:

During initial days people used to ask me lot of questions about my husband’s disappearance. Then I stopped going out and restricted myself inside the four walls of my house.

In the same way, Haleema revealed:

Whenever I went outside people used to start pointing that, ‘Is she is the one whose husband has been subjected to disappearance’ and then they would comment on my attire, ‘look, she is wearing a nice dress and jewelry, it doesn’t seem she is affected by his disappearance’. Now I hardly step out of my home. If there is a need, I wear a burqa before coming out. Women like me become easy targets of character assassination.

The most extreme case of social isolation and stigmatisation was experienced by Anjum. Her husband was accused of working as an informer for the army. On that ground, people refused to provide any kind of help because they were afraid that they would be killed if they helped the wife of an informer:

When my husband disappeared suddenly, I was totally shattered. But what was more appalling for me was that people accused my husband as an informer. When I approached people for help they refused at my face. They refused so that they may not be killed by the militants. I was left to live in isolation. Even my close relatives and friends were hesitant about visiting.

Unresolved grief

The ambiguity around the fate of the disappeared severely disrupts the life of the family left behind, whose feelings fluctuate between anguish over the possibility of death, to hope that one day their loved ones will come back alive.⁴⁸ In our study, we found that the wives were at the forefront of the search for their missing husbands, which made them vulnerable to feeling both hope and hopelessness, which added to their trauma and hindered their grieving process. A broken-hearted Afrooza had enjoyed many years of marital bliss with her loving husband Jahangir. Following his disappearance, memories of him haunted her perpetually. When we first met Afrooza, she brought an old album and her face was shining as she showed us her husband’s photographs:

We were very close to each other. He was an ideal husband. So loving and so caring. Whenever I close my eyes, his face is the only thing that I see. I have preserved his every memory. I often wash and iron his clothes, keep his room clean, and make his favorite dishes. All this makes me more confident that he is alive.

As many half-widows refuse to accept their husband’s death, they are depressed and experience mental health issues.⁴⁹ Hajra’s voice cracked and tears rolled down her cheeks when she narrated her story:

I carried out searches for my husband in forests, hospitals, army camps, police stations and wherever I could afford to go. Where is he? In what condition he will be? Is he being tortured somewhere? When will he come back? These questions make rounds in my mind and the possible answers haunt me like anything. Every time I hear a knock on my door, I ask my daughter to see if it’s her father. Now I have turned old. I am not sure if I can identify him now.

The continuous struggle between hope and hopelessness, together with the strain of carrying out routine household chores, and feelings of alienation and stigmatisation, ends in unresolved grief and mental agony.⁵⁰ After the disappearance of her husband, Sakeena’s life was so miserable that she felt suicidal:

Life is suffocating and miserable, yet I am living for my children. The disappearance of my husband has landed me in an everlasting psychological agony and despair. I never celebrate any festival. I thought of suicide many a times, but every time the motherly love restrained me from doing so.

Mourning rituals following a death enable grieving families to express their sorrow and to make the first steps towards accepting the reality of their loss and to begin the process of moving on.⁵¹ As these rituals were not carried out for the husbands of our participants, they were unable to accept the loss and their grief became perpetual. Being unable to bury their husbands or mourn for them properly added to the suffering of the half-widows. Foziya’s husband, who worked as a carpenter, left home for work and never returned:

When someone dies, women wail and cry for them. If my husband was dead, I would have also done the same. It would have been easy for me to accept that he is no more.

Anxiety and depression

Living in deprived conditions, the lives of half-widows are insecure; their anxiety and stress levels are very high, which makes them suffer from a myriad of physiological and psychological disorders.⁵² As Tawheeda Mukhdoomi writes,

Half widows are emotionally disturbed and socially unhinged. Suffering from post-traumatic stress disorders (PTSD) they sleep and have nightmares . . . They also experienced stressful events which led them to emotional instability and strain. With the result they are prone to addiction of tranquilizers, sedatives and anti-depressants. Most of the half widows are still waiting for their disappeared husbands which has stopped them from remarriage, but this status has also put grave impacts on their physical and mental health.⁵³

Most half-widows reported anxiety, nightmares, sleep disorders, palpitations and disinterest in daily activities. Rubeena’s life took an ugly turn following a horrific event in which her husband was abducted by Indian forces from his home. She believes that when suffering hits a person, the person does not die at once, but dies every day:

Since he disappeared, my condition is not good. I feel loss of enthusiasm, muscle and joint pain, palpitation and sleeplessness. I frequently consume medicines, which results in additional health issues. I even fear loud noise. If someone speaks loudly, I get afraid.

Ten years ago Khalida’s husband suddenly disappeared and she now lives with her only daughter. Being unable to come to terms with her situation, she was eventually diagnosed with prolonged grief disorder (PGD):

The stressful event of my husband’s sudden disappearance has led to my emotional instability and tension. Thoughts about my daughter’s future haunt me like anything. I am not even able to provide her proper food. How can I educate her and marry her?

Conclusion

Enforced disappearance is a critical consequence of the conflict in Kashmir, which has impacted the socioeconomic wellbeing of women. As our study revealed, the suffering experienced by women in conflict zones goes beyond violence, death, and molestation. Besides being the direct victims of rape, molestation, and killings, they also suffer indirectly from the killing and disappearance of family members. This indirect form of suffering experienced by women often remains unacknowledged. Half-widows are left in an ambiguous situation, uncertain whether their husbands are dead or alive, whilst also being left to deal with complex social, economic, legal and psychological problems. Whilst most people in Jammu and Kashmir wait for peace and an end to the ongoing conflict, for the family members of the disappeared, the loss of their loved ones is an issue that is beyond a politics of resolution. The government needs to make every attempt to trace information on the disappeared and inform the survivors so that they do not live under false hope; it should also introduce schemes to help such families financially so that they are not left in destitution. Half-widows are in constant need of emotional and economic support. Local committees need to come forward and provide moral support and counselling to the survivors of disappeared people to overcome their trauma and complicated grief.

Footnotes

Acknowledgements

We are grateful to all the participants for their valuable contributions, upon which this article is based.

Wasia Hamid is a research fellow in the department of Sociology, University of Kashmir, Jammu and Kashmir. Tanveer Ahmad Khan is a research fellow in the department of Sociology, Aligarh Muslim University, India.

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