Experiences of separation and divorce among foster and adoptive families: the need for supportive responses

Abstract

Separation and divorce are realities faced by many families. Yet in the case of foster and adoptive families, only a small number of studies have looked at the way such experiences affect them. This article seeks to fill this gap by exploring the nature and consequences of separation and divorce among foster and adoptive families in Australia and the United States. A thematic analysis of primary and secondary data collected by the authors identified three dominant themes: (1) that divorcing foster families experience variable responses from service providers; (2) that some adoptive parents perceive that relationship breakdowns compound adoption-related losses; and (3) that some adoptees challenge the assumption that the nature and experience of separation and divorce among adoptive families is unique. The article concludes by advocating for the provision of clear guidelines for foster and adoptive families experiencing separation or divorce, and highlights the need for supportive community responses to help those affected.

Keywords

Divorce separation foster care adoption

Introduction

As practitioners and researchers in child welfare, we are aware that separation and divorce can have significant implications for foster and adoptive parents and the children they look after. With the significance of this topic in mind, a literature search and a review of our professional experience identified a gap regarding practice guidance and research findings on this issue. Given the challenges in identifying an appropriate target population and the difficulty of accessing it, a small exploratory study was initiated. Understandably, there are limitations to this investigation due to its restricted size and scope; nevertheless, the findings should help to identify gaps in knowledge and suggest directions for the development of future practice and research concerning breakdowns in family relationships.

Background

In many countries, increasing numbers of children are growing up in foster or adoptive families. Potential carers are subject to stringent screening processes and training prior to approval and in the case of foster care, are expected to provide a safe, stable and nurturing environment for the children without being their legal guardians. Consequently, they are subject to ongoing scrutiny by government or private foster care agencies (Blythe, et al., 2012; Riggs, Bartholomaeus and Due, 2016). In the case of adoption, the parents do have legal guardianship but are not necessarily free from government or third-party scrutiny, particularly in cases of open adoptions.

As the majority of foster or adoptive parents are married couples (Rodger, Cummings and Leschied, 2006) ‒ indeed some jurisdictions make this a requirement for approval ‒ it is likely that they will be just as vulnerable to separation and divorce as anyone else. In Australia and the US, population statistics indicate that approximately half of all marriages end in divorce (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2014; Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2012), yet this phenomenon has been largely overlooked in research on fostering and adoption. Beyond citing relationship breakdown as potential reasons for placement disruption (e.g. Blythe, Halcomb and Wilkes, 2014; McArthur, 2014), there is virtually no research to date charting the experiences of separation or divorce among foster and adoptive families (Andersson, 2001). In the following section we review the small body of research that is available.

Previous literature

Although not specifically investigated as a topic in its own right, the occurrence of separation and divorce among foster and adoptive parents is frequently noted in the literature. For example, in Blythe and colleagues’ (2013) study, 20% (n = 20) of the foster mothers were divorced and O’Connor and colleagues (2000) found a similar rate (13%, n = 188) among a sample of adoptive families. These proportions appear relatively low when compared to the general population (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2014; Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2012) but as Andersson (2001) warns, it may be unwise to assume that the foster care and adoptive family relationships are inherently stable and fulfilling.

Research studies have provided some insight into the experience of separation and divorce among adoptive families and there is evidence to suggest that the effects may not inevitably be damaging. In order to compare the effects of divorce on biological and adoptive children, O’Connor and colleagues (2000: 435) examined the adjustment, social and anti-social behaviour, substance use, self-esteem, social competence and achievement of adopted and non-adopted children, and found that those in the former group scored significantly higher on a range of positive adjustment measures than those in the general population. In particular, they showed a lower incidence of internalising and externalising behaviours. In another comparative study, Amato and Cheadle (2008) observed an increased incidence of behavioural problems among children of divorced parents but did not find any significant differences between adoptees and non-adoptees in this regard.

Method

Materials

A survey focusing on Australian foster carers was designed by the authors and hosted on SurveyMonkey. As this is a ‘hard-to-reach’ group who receive frequent requests to participate in research, we decided that a survey approach was likely to produce a greater number of responses than a call to participate in interviews. The survey included questions about (1) household demographics, (2) awareness of Australian foster care guidelines specific to separation or divorce and (3) experiences of support following separation or divorce. It was conducted from March 2015 until January 2016.

Despite the expectations of greater participation using a survey method, the number of responses was low. Therefore, to supplement the information obtained, a Google search was conducted to identify first person accounts of separation or divorce among foster or adoptive parents in Australia and elsewhere. One open access forum thread on foster care and divorce or separation was identified (happy2bjustmommy, 2012) along with one open access blog post on adoption and divorce (and the accompanying comments made on it) (Philyaw, 2014). Both of these sources of data were from North America.

Procedure

The Flinders University Social and Behavioural Research Ethics Committee granted ethics approval for the survey and a flyer advertising it was then circulated among foster care agencies in South Australia, New South Wales and Victoria and via social media and the authors’ personal networks. In January 2016, all responses were downloaded from SurveyMonkey for analysis.

Participants

Despite extensive attempts at engaging survey participants, only 10 people completed the survey: six men and four women. Their average age was 45 and they had on average been foster carers for seven years, looking after an average of two children on a long-term basis. In terms of separation or divorce, four of the respondents were married at the time of separation and four had formed new partnerships subsequently. None was aware of any guidelines about separation or divorce specific to foster care.

In terms of the blog and forum data, a total of 61 comments were made on the blog and 17 on the forum post. With regard to the former, only comments from contributors who self-identified as either adoptees or adoptive parents (n = 8) and for the latter, only from foster carers who had something specific to say about service responses (n = 5) were included in the analysis.

Analytic approach

In order to analyse the information, the survey responses about the experiences of support and the forum comments from foster carers were analysed together, given that they focus on similar topics. The blog comments about adoption were scrutinised separately.

A thematic analysis was then applied, following the procedure outlined by Braun and Clarke (2006). This involved reading the information, coding it into its different forms and identifying dominant themes. The one theme identified from the foster care data was labelled ‘variability of service responses’ and the two salient themes in the adoption data ‘divorce as compounding adoption-related losses’ and ‘divorce as no different for adoptees’. These three themes are now explored in more detail.

Findings

Variability of service responses

This first theme focused specifically on service responses, highlighting the variability that was apparent across both sources of data. While not all respondents mentioned the term variability, it was apparent that help for carers who separate and divorce varies both according to geographical location and the views of agency workers. Three respondents highlighted its potential impact:

It really depended on who we spoke to. Some workers really normalised the experience and offered whatever support we wanted (or didn’t want). Others almost seemed to discredit us as carers, to the point where we felt concerned about whether they might end the placement.

I'm sure it varies drastically agency to agency. I know a couple of circumstances in our area where they removed the kids immediately as soon as [the agency] found out about the pending divorce. Here, you have to be a year distanced from a ‘life changing event’. So, they don't allow any future placements until a year after the divorce is finalised

Here if you get divorced they revoke your licence. I know of a specific couple that informed their worker they were looking to divorce and their kids were moved two days later.

In all of these extracts variability is not simply a cause for anxiety but associated with a very real risk that children may be removed from the placement.

Other respondents did not specifically mention variability but implied its significance in practice and for the ways their divorce was handled:

They listened and were understanding to a certain degree or on a superficial level, though more broadly they appeared to be driven by risk management.

At no point did anyone offer to speak with the children, which we thought was odd. Not that we necessarily wanted this, but it is noticeable that it did not occur.

I was really happy with how the agency responded. They supported us through the separation, there didn’t seem to be any judgement, we never felt that the placements were under review.

Only one of the responses from foster carers was unilaterally positive, the rest being much more ambivalent about how agency workers engaged with them during the process of separation. In the first extract above, support appears to have been provided but largely in order to ‘risk manage’, while in the second case the children were deliberately ignored. This variability has serious implications as a focus on risk management potentially fails to attend to the emotions associated with separation or divorce and the indifference to the children’s need reflects a conscious decision to exclude them.

Divorce as compounding adoption-related losses

Turning to the blog post about adoption, one woman – an adoptive mother – wrote that she was deeply concerned about the potentially compounding effects of divorce upon children who are adopted and acknowledges that the experience may be especially difficult for some adoptees. However, she argues that adoptive parents must accept the dissolution of a relationship if it is best for the family. Despite acknowledging this, she still struggled to manage what she refers to as her ‘mother guilt’, as is clear in the following extract:

To have been adopted and then become a child of divorce has added another layer of complexity to my daughter’s struggles … What I can glean from my daughter, she not only questions whether she belongs in our family, there’s also the logistical question of which of her parents she belongs to on any given night. Which home is home this weekend? And even though she shares the experience of our divorce with her older sister, to her it’s different, because her sister is our biological child … This a lot for a child. And on my worst days, I think, ‘I did this to her’. I worry that I’ve failed my daughter; that by getting divorced, I’ve further undermined her already fragile sense of belonging as an adoptee. Is her forever family somehow diminished because it exists across two households?

It is notable that comments on the blog post, mostly from non-adoptive parents and children, largely fell into two camps. The first affirmed that in some cases separation and divorce are necessary, and that parents do the right thing for the sake of the children. The second, in contrast, admonished parents for not ‘sticking to it’ for the welfare of the children. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation, it seems inevitable that separation and divorce are highly likely to compound the stressors associated with being adopted:

I'm the mother of an adopted daughter and her father and I are divorced. (We have a good collaborative relationship, but that doesn’t change the fact that we're divorced.) I am really just writing to say what a relief it is to hear that someone else has these same concerns; the two issues definitely overlap and cause complications for our family. We belong to a community of adoptive families in our area and we are the only divorced family. It can really feel very isolating for all of us, but of course it affects our daughter the most.

For this mother, there is concern primarily for her daughter but also for her family, which now feels isolated in the network of adoptive families as they are the only one that is fragmented. This highlights that support for separating adoptive and foster families needs to come not only from agencies but also from other carers, friends and relatives.

Divorce as no different for adoptees

There were different opinions expressed on the blog about whether or not divorce compounds the issues faced by adoptees by virtue of their adoption status. Of those who responded, two challenged the assumption that divorce was uniquely different for them, as can be seen in the following extracts:

I was adopted at birth, an only child and my parents divorced when I was 12. Yes, it was extremely painful, but my status as an adopted child didn’t enhance my pain or make it somehow different. If I was different in any way, it was because it was the 1960s and we were Catholic and not a single kid I knew had divorced parents. I am always puzzled at the characterisation of adopted people as uniquely damaged and broken because of the fact of adoption. Why is this?

Wow, I never knew I was such a minority. Adopted child (at birth) and a child of divorced parents here! Both my parents and I are white (as is my younger adopted brother), but I felt, and do still feel, that missed connection of having any blood relative. That doesn’t make me love my parents any less. And going through a divorce when I was 12 and my brother was six, I don’t think it felt much different as an adopted child than did my other friends who were going through the same thing with their biological parents.

Both of these accounts suggest that what might be significant for children whose parents separate or divorce is whether or not the phenomenon is common in their social circles. In the first case, divorce was atypical, while in the second it was more frequent. Importantly, this is not to suggest that some adoptees do not encounter difficulties associated with being adopted and that for some of them divorce may compound these, but to emphasise that it is not the case for all adoptees and that their experiences are shaped more by how others respond to their adoption status and/or their parents’ separation or divorce.

Discussion

Drawing on a small sample based on primary and secondary data, there is a common thread running through the evidence reported in this article, namely that other people’s perceptions play an important part in foster and adoptive families’ experiences of separation or divorce. In the case of foster care, it appears that carers’ experiences are shaped by the extent to which agencies feel they should be bothered about parents’ separation and divorce and whether they feel any responsibility to offer support to the entire family. Likewise, with regard to adoptive parents and their children, the responses from community members and broader social circles determine whether or not the initial adoption and the subsequent separation or divorce are met with support and inclusion or disapproval and marginalisation.

Obviously we must be cautious in making bold claims from the limited amount of data reported here and the extent to which they are representative of broader foster and adoptive communities. It is likely that those who responded to the survey or who commented on the blogs or forum are relatively invested in the subject matter. Further, the findings reported here do not provide an adequate indication of how common separation or divorce are among foster and adoptive families and more research is required to establish precise rates, to canvass a broader range of viewpoints and involve different types of carers.

Nonetheless, the findings do suggest that foster care agencies, both in Australia and the United States, would better serve foster parents by providing clear and reasonable guidelines about what they can expect during and following separation or divorce. The Brighton & Hove Fostering & Adoption Service (2016) in the UK provides an example of these for carers and agency workers. They include a requirement for an interim report to be made at the time of separation and an annual review conducted within six months afterwards. Guidelines may also usefully include information about when a placement may be terminated following a relationship breakdown as this minimises anxiety among foster carers and reduces the risk that they might avoid separation (or avoid reporting it) in order to keep the placement going. But while guidance is helpful, it can never be rigid and one message from the examples discussed is that it needs to be applied with an understanding that each family circumstance is different and requires an individualised rather than a formulaic response.

Moving beyond agencies, it would seem important that foster and adoptive communities, and the friends and families of foster and adoptive families, understand the importance of providing support if separation or divorce occur, and that such support should be non-judgemental. Separation and divorce are typically difficult experiences for all family members, which may be compounded if family members experience disapproval or marginalisation from their support networks.

In conclusion, the findings from this study suggest that, on the one hand, there may be aspects of separation or divorce that are relatively unique to foster or adoptive families (i.e. assessments and interventions) but on the other, for some foster or adoptive families, the experience in terms of the personal family emotional and psychological journey is largely the same as for anyone else.

Footnotes

Acknowledgements

Funding for the analysis reported in this article was provided as part of an Australian Research Council Future Fellowship, FT130100087.

Damien W Riggs is an Associate Professor in Social Work at Flinders University and an Australian Research Council Future Fellow, Adelaide, South Australia.

Stacy Blythe is a Lecturer in the School of Nursing and Midwifery, Western Sydney University, Australia.

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