‘Chocolates and Flowers? You Must be Joking!’ Of Men and Tenderness in Group Therapy

Men’s therapy groups can play an important role, long neglected, in facilitating emotional development in males. Society has long turned a blind eye to male psychology and has colluded with male emotional self-neglect by failing to create gender-specific services for men. ‘Male-only’ group therapy is particularly suited to the male psyche, and can help to counteract traditional masculine defences of shame and guilt. It is argued that the absence of women in a group therapy context can play a vital role in enabling males to access hidden parts of their personalities. We describe our experience of facilitating a men’s group in the NHS and outline our approach. Case examples are used to illustrate how, through the group process, destructive relationships are gradually transformed into something more tender. In psychoanalytical terms, split off ‘softer’ emotional aspects of men in group therapy are thus re-integrated into a new masculine identity whilst over-inflated cruel aspects can be attenuated.