Abstract
Nos, The Nos, Nosness
You decide to have friends round for supper. One says ‘I’ll bring some chicken’ ‘I’ll bring wine’ ‘Me – a curry.’ All lovely ideas. How to get it co-ordinated? ‘Come to my house’ ‘No - come to mine’ ‘Wednesday’ ‘Can’t make that… the weekend?’ Suddenly a good idea becomes un-manageable. The workshop felt a bit like that. A fascinating idea but so many threads. So many concepts. So many different strands. At moments I lose concentration as I feel more and more overwhelmed. I understand one bit but then another idea is offered. Never mind. Study day tomorrow. That will make sense of it. Tomorrow will bring clarity.
Study day. The original idea is re - presented. Then there is another speaker. A delight of sound. The musicality of communication. I am captivated but how does it relate to the original idea – to the idea of Nos? Then another explanation. Apologies for a talk in wonderful English but even more thoughts on the original idea. More possible tracks to follow. More food for the party. We pause. Lunch. Talk to each other. Other attempts to explain. Thoughts and explanations are abandoned to the relief of light talk. Then the afternoon and more offerings.
This is what it is about – is offered. Another tempting dish but by now I am satiated. I cannot take in any more. In between times there is respite. The small group. Here I ground myself. Stop thinking and just digest. Knowing nobody, I am free to make up my mind about my fellow group members. Is this the Nos? The familiarity of sitting in a circle knowing that whatever it is, something will come out of this experience and even if I don’t know it now, my belief that it will be growth. We grapple, we spar – a little, we flirt. We discuss. Gender is referred to. Raises the heat but this is an area we are familiar with. At moments there is clarity. Then another contribution and once again we are on the road to muddle. Perhaps overfull and frustrated with the task, a small spat erupts. We know it is not about Nos but are too full to work with it. It fizzles out in some hurt and retreat.
Finally the large group. Here behaviour is more predictable. It is a difficult forum but perhaps somebody will be able to give us the explanation. They do not. There is difficulty in hearing each other. Requests for clarity – of language and content. Who dares speak? Will the idea’ s originator be scarred, damaged by the lack of understanding turned to hostility? His bravery is in no doubt but will he be wounded? Reference to previous similar happenings. There is loss too. This is the end of this day. Long, muddled, delightful, frustrating but engaging. Time to say good-bye. What has been the task? To understand. We have not. To think – to grapple. Certainly that. To move – to change? Perhaps. To unite – belong? I think so. Not comfortable at times but worthwhile. Later in the week, I am facilitating a group. A peace descends. A warmth. We are working. I look around. Is this the Nos? Tom talked about a genetic possibility - a vacancy for Nos? Is it a sort of calm, a peace, necessary for Nos to develop. What of discord? Can it only happen when things are positive? Apparently not but could an anxious, aggressive state get in the way of Nos? For Nos to happen, is it necessary to be available to it – to be receptive? Is this what propels us to spend time with each other. To bear the difficult times in a belief that with enough work the difficulties can be understood to arrive at – Nos? Is any of this Nos or is all of it Nos? I doubt I’ve understood but I have shared the process and in trying to understand it has made a sort of sense.