Things Will Be Better in the Future! Emotion Work and Heterosexism in Parent–LGB Child Relationships

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ+) people in the United States have achieved several important legal and social gains in the recent past. These achievements can be seen in the legalizing of same-sex marriage, nationwide access to adoption, and more Gay–Straight Alliances. It is also the case that more LGBTQ+ people are maintaining relationships with their parents after coming out. However, these advances often obscure the reality of greater discrimination and violence against queer people compared to heterosexuals. This has led some commentators to suggest that the contemporary U.S. queer rights movement is incomplete. In this paper, we show how heterosexism and homophobia continue to operate in relationships between parents and their lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) children in the United States. We argue that preserving parent–LGB child relationships involves managing the meaning attached to time. More specifically, LGBs and their parents use “remedial emotion work,” a form of emotion work that involves diminishing, transforming, and thwarting noxious feelings—on behalf of oneself and others—by envisioning a future where the strained relationship is improved. Through remedial emotion work, LGBs and their parents are able to preserve their familial relationships, but at a cost: placing the emotional well-being of parents above those of LGBs and bolstering heterosexism.