Abstract
Unclenching Our Fists was written by an activist in the battered women’s movement with more than 20 years of experience with shelter programs and batterer intervention groups. She has ran groups for abusive men for over 10 years in Amherst, Massachusetts, and has decided to write this book because she believes that stories of abusive men who have become nonviolent are important and need to be more widely known. The transformation these men make is among the most underreported stories in the field of domestic violence.
The book unfolds in four large chapters with a huge variety of subchapters not very well organized. This is not an academic work with theoretical perspectives, but rather a practical guide on how to deal with domestic violence from the perspective of the batterers. It is primarily written for abusive men in the journey to nonviolence and women survivors of domestic violence. But it can also be considered a very important reading for researchers in the field of gender violence.
Sara Acker describes stories of 11 men from diverse class and racial backgrounds, who were abusive to their female partners and have made a long-term commitment to end their physical and emotional abuse and controlling behaviors. The stories were gathered over 8 years. She began by interviewing men from the batterer intervention program where she worked in the 1990s—Men Overcoming Violence—then reached out to other programs across the country. Most of the interviews were conducted over the telephone and some were face-to-face. These men tell about the abuse they perpetrated on their families, their experiences in violence intervention programs, and the ways their thinking and behavior started to change. Many of them ended up getting involved in a larger effort to end violence against women and became public activists. They were successful in the journey to nonviolence.
The first chapter, entitled “Working with Abusive Men,” is the most extensive and covers very broad topics, including how is the work with batterer intervention programs in the United States, the complexity and dimension of domestic violence, the author’s journey from being a victim advocate to a batterer intervention counselor, the academic researches about whether batterer intervention programs work, and the 11 testimonials of men who have committed to nonviolence. The author emphasizes very important points in relation to working with domestic violence and the main one relates to the fact that no matter how many battered women’s programs were established, the plague of domestic violence would continue unabated until abusers stopped perpetrating their violence. This fact lies in the importance of working with men, in order to interrupt the cycle of violence and abuse and teach alternative behaviors through clear and objective strategies.
After the transcription of the 11 personal stories, the second chapter explores the stages men take as they come to terms with their abuse and want to transform their behavior and beliefs. The author describes in more detail the most critical steps of the journey to nonviolence, sharing all the difficulties they face in the long-term process of change. In this long road, the most important step is to admit they have an abuse problem and examine thinking errors and dysfunctional beliefs. The author wants to show that batterer intervention groups can potentially be a place where men can start to get new ideas about being a man, without surrendering to sexist patterns of masculinity. The comprehension of attitudes about masculinity, the accountability, and the complexities of repairing relationships are discussed in details. But this book does not present any kind of discourse analysis in theoretical perspectives, following only a descriptive line.
The next chapter, “When the man you love is abusive,” was written for women partners and synthesizes the essential elements women hoping for change should consider. This part presents some ways women who are involved in situations of domestic violence can address the problem and assess whether their partners are really committed to change. The author warns that the first thing to consider is that only a small number of men with abuse issues make substantial changes. Most of them do not enroll in batterer intervention programs or seek any kind of help. Even the successful program completion is never a guarantee that there will be no more violence. In order to help these women, this chapter also presents a checklist with the most important signs that show if the abusers are really changing or not changing and discusses important ways to get support and take care of themselves.
The book finishes with the voices of domestic abuse survivors and shows their feelings and reactions when they read the stories from the 11 abusive men. The author organized a focus group of seven domestic abuse survivors and three long-term activists and invited them to read a selection of the men’s stories and share their feelings and concerns. After reading the stories, they shared feelings as sadness, hope, skepticism, and caution. Many considered that would be great for men who are abusive to read this book and look what they need to do to change. Another part expressed hopeful because there are some men who are willing to change their lives. At the same time, others became sad because the men in the book represent such a small percentage of men with abuse problems.
This is an essential source of research for domestic violence activists and researchers in gender violence issues. It shows that violence against women is a problem with many faces, and the attention to the recovery of abusive men is one of the most important steps to break this cycle. The perspective of this book is innovative in addressing the batterer’s point of view in relation to domestic violence. The author tries to show that batterer intervention groups can potentially be a place where men can start to get new ideas about being a better man. At the same time, points out that there is a long and winding road to nonviolence that takes perseverance, humility, and support.