Abstract
The children’s ministry world has countless resources equipping children’s ministry leaders, pastors and parents to engage children with new information, better biblical literacy and more interesting or fruitful conversations. However, even with scholarly research and ministry leaders over the last two decades emphasizing the importance of coming alongside children as co-pilgrims in faith, few books share practical methods for approaching children foremost as companions on the spiritual journey. Lacy Finn Borgo’s Spiritual Conversations with Children: Listening to God Together masterfully guides adults in the important task of listening to God alongside children, helping them engage with the already-present Holy Spirit and experience God’s presence together.
Borgo opens Spiritual Conversations with Children with a robust explanation of the nature of spiritual formation particularly as it applies to the lives of children, continues with an exploration of key elements that adults should be mindful of when listening to God alongside children such as power dynamics, and spends the latter half of the text sharing a series of case studies that illustrate various approaches, obstacles, and practices from her own work as a spiritual companion for children living in transitional housing.
In her earliest professional work with children, as a classroom teacher in an American public school, Borgo began spending extra time each day with a student who was displaying difficult behavior. As their relationship grew over daily lunch times together, her listening and intentional conversations led to emotional and relational healing and growth, a change that manifested both in how the student viewed himself and interacted with his community. It was this experience that launched Borgo into considering how to companion children intentionally as they journeyed with and toward Jesus.
As a Christian attuned to the continued work of God in the life of each person, Borgo considers the importance of her relationship with each child in light of God’s love. She seeks to explore a better theology of the relationship between God and children, recognizing that the stories of Jesus in Scripture emphasize both how children were drawn to Jesus and Jesus embraced the presence of children. Borgo notes that children are being drawn toward God, and that God is already at work in the lives of children who may not know or recognize God’s work or presence in such a way as to name or identify it. Even when children lack the language or theological understanding to label the work of God, they may still engage in spiritual formation.
Borgo defines spiritual formation as “the process of living into relationship with the triune God” (19) that takes into account a child’s nurture including outside influences such as teaching, the child’s nature or genetic disposition, and personal agency. Spiritual formation may include the tools and programs generally understood as discipleship such as Bible studies, devotions, times of prayer, reading, but it expands beyond discipleship to encompass the work of God and the disposition of the child. In the following chapter, she explains that her understanding of spiritual formation includes four main elements: God’s self, human living including relationships and experiences, the life of Jesus, and spiritual practices. These elements include positive experiences such as a good friendship or a beautiful sunset, negative experiences such as a significant loss or trauma, and practices like engagement with Scripture, prayer, meditation, or worship.
Borgo next explains how this unique task of journeying alongside children requires attentiveness to power dynamics and intentional presence. The world of children is one of inherent vulnerability: they lack the physical stature, cognitive and emotional maturity and personal agency that many adults enjoy. In order to communicate to children that they are embraced as co-pilgrims, adults seeking to enter into spiritual conversations may communicate their respect for a child by sitting on the floor to equalize physical size, inviting the child to direct the conversation or activity, and respecting their boundaries or preferences. By listening when a child calls an activity boring or redirects conversation away from a subject, the adult shares power and gives the child agency. Borgo continues in this section to explain how the power of parental figures in a child’s life often shapes his or her perception of God, and how the spiritual companion is bound to a responsibility to protect children through reporting abuse even if it means breaking confidentiality. Children inherently have less power than adults, so by recognizing the power discrepancies and making deliberate choices to share power when appropriate, adults can create spaces that are safe for children physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Once the adult creates a safe and equitable space for a child, he or she can focus on becoming more fully present both to the child and to God. Intentionally attending the presence of the Holy Spirit, the body language of the child, the words left unspoken, and questions or doubts voiced allows the adult to welcome and care for the whole child. The task of the adult is to listen both to the child and to God, a listening that reaches beyond audible words. Borgo provides a list of sample questions that may lead into richer conversation. She also guides the adult on how to navigate the questions and doubts that children may voice. In many Christian contexts, adults try to lead by correcting misguided theology or counteracting worries. However, Borgo encourages the adult to allow the child to work through questions, fears, or doubts gradually and even to listen with a humility marked by an expectation of learning something new.
Throughout the remainder of the book, Borgo shares rich stories and examples of sessions she has participated in with children. She demonstrates through these case studies how to come alongside children of different ages, personalities, fears, and spiritual backgrounds. Each of the children she works with in the transitional housing facility has experienced the loss of a home, a significant trauma for a child to navigate, and will undergo an additional inevitable change when they leave the housing facility. By engaging in prayer, play, story, and exploration with these children, Borgo shares with them tools that they can use to intentionally listen to the stories of Scripture and the presence of God’s love with them in any setting. Children learn how to engage purposefully with God and learn God’s person and presence through experience rather than focusing on learning facts about God or behaviors approved by God.
Alongside each case study, Borgo elaborates on the reasoning, research, and spiritual realities behind her methodology. By walking the reader both through the situation she encountered as well as the reasoning behind her approach, Borgo helps readers consider how they might mindfully navigate their own spiritual conversations with children. The reader slowly learns the array of resources available for engaging with children within a sacred space and intentional rhythm, but not a procedure or set of specific steps. Borgo shares her experience in preparing the space to be physically and emotionally safe, entering the sacred space alongside children, engaging with multi-sensory tools such as wooden figures, a finger labyrinth or bubbles, talking about God’s work through prayer or Scripture, and closing with the child’s choice of a type of blessing. Even when the same space, tools, Scripture reading, or blessing are used, the session will vary because every child, and the work of God in the life of each child, is unique. Furthermore, each adult learning to companion children in spiritual formation is unique and will bring distinctive gifts to this task.
Borgo closes the text with a set of appendices with practical tools such as written prayers and guides for inviting children to engage in prayer with their whole bodies. Of note is the information and permission form for written consent. This type of intentional spiritual time with a child invites the child with inherent vulnerabilities into a space of trust. Throughout the text, Borgo emphasizes the importance of creating safe boundaries for children, and this must include consent from a parent or guardian.
Most Christian communities have children, and most take seriously the task of teaching children the fundamental framework of knowledge about Christian theology and Bible stories. While biblical literacy and theological understanding are vital components to the Christian faith, Borgo provides an innovative and practical resource to help adults come alongside children as they personally engage with God in prayer, worship, and wonder. Borgo believes that God is already at work in the lives of children, but many children, and the adults who care for them, can benefit from resources to intentionally discern and respond to God’s work.
Borgo’s understanding of spiritual formation will appeal to a wide swath of Christian traditions and her work is applicable across sacramental, conversional, and covenantal contexts. However, her broad understanding of spirituality and openness to mystery and wonder may prove difficult for readers whose tradition or convictions values firm answers and clear objectives. In various case studies, Borgo makes clear that she does not enter into a conversation with children with a single objective or goal to achieve, aside from coming alongside the child and God together. This may prove too open-ended for some readers who desire to set a specific objective such as a doctrine to understand or a story to tell.
In a similar way, some adults may have difficulty watching or talking with a child who is using their imagination to retell a Bible story with new or changed facts, a play-process which may seem important to the child. While many readers will be able to understand this in the context of a child seeking to make sense of the Scriptures, others will find it irresistible to correct the misguided telling and ensure the child leaves the conversation with the correct story sequence and biblical facts. Borgo does address how to come alongside a child who may be interpreting theological questions to destructive ends, so there is no reason for a reader to assume they must leave the child influenced by heretical or harmful views.
Finally, some readers may be concerned that Borgo sometimes uses non-personal terms for God such as “Love”. This language may prove too nebulous for some readers, but there is no reason a reader cannot hold firm to a tradition’s theological commitments by intentionally using language specific to the tradition while also utilizing the tools shared in the text. For those working in secular settings, these non-religious terms may prove invaluable for readers seeking to engage children spiritually within the boundaries of their role.
While reading Spiritual Conversations with Children, I ordered a copy to be sent to each of the rotating volunteer teachers in both the preschool and elementary ministry at my church, knowing their understanding of the work of God in the lives of children would deepen from the text. I have recommended it to parents of children with learning differences who struggle in traditional church teaching settings as well as to parents of children working through loss or other trauma. Parents, teachers, children’s ministers, church volunteers, pastors, and para-church ministry leaders will all benefit from her insight, and many of the tools she shares are applicable to groups as well as one-on-one interactions. It will prove helpful both for those seeking to come alongside children in intentional settings, like Borgo models in the stories she shares in her text, and also for adults seeking to have richer spiritual conversations with children in other contexts.