Abstract
More than two centuries have elapsed since Jane Austen famously quipped, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife” (See Jane Austen, Pride and prejudice, London: T. Egerton, 1813). Yet, according to Lawson and Carr's recently published research on the experiences of single people in ministry, this “truth universally acknowledged” persists in the modern American church, where it is usually assumed that a single ministry staff person “must be in want of” a spouse. The notion that singleness is frequently approached by the Church as something “abnormal” is just one of the insights that come from Lawson and Carr's focus groups and individual interviews with nearly 50 single ministry professionals (23). With decades of experience working in and alongside ministry, the authors note that while “marital status patterns have been changing in Western society … over the past few decades” and “an increasing number of adults are currently single” (45% of the U.S. adult population, per recent census data [2]), attitudes about singleness in the church are still struggling to catch up (23ff).
To better understand the experience of single people in ministry, Lawson and Carr built their phenomenological study around three core questions: “What is it like to serve in vocational ministry while single? … What are the opportunities and joys of ministry as a single person? … What are the challenges of ministry as a single person, and what helps in managing these challenges?” (6–7). The introduction raises these questions, while the chapters offer answers. Collectively, they paint a picture of the experience of those who serve in vocational ministry as single adults. Chapter 1 focuses on the opportunities and joys (and how to maximize them), while chapters 2 through 8 focus on the challenges (and how to minimize them). Each “challenge” chapter centers on an overarching theme raised by participants: singleness in a “family church” environment (chapter 2), dating (chapter 3), finances (chapter 4), landing a job and leading in that role (chapter 5), loneliness (chapter 6), work relationships (chapter 7) and burnout (chapter 8). (Research-oriented readers might find it most helpful to read Appendix 3 before Chapter 1, as it provides more details on how the study was conducted.) In keeping with the conventions of qualitative research, the work continued until they “were not hearing any new perspectives, issues or themes (theoretical saturation)” (146). And, per the aims of the research methods, the themes and subthemes represent the range of participants’ experiences (146). Not every participant has every struggle, but each of these challenges were raised by some.
Given the sheer number of “challenge” chapters, one might expect the book to feel discouraging. However, opening the book with “joys” sets a hopeful tone and encourages the reader to lean into the opportunities associated with serving while single: “freedom,” “focus,” “relationships,” and “rest” (9–19). We implicitly understand that, though there are challenges, ministering while single is still worthwhile and by tackling the difficulties that lie before us we are becoming a healthier church or ministry.
Lawson and Carr deftly balance descriptive and prescriptive, providing the reader with a work that is well-researched but not jargony, practical but not patronizing. Every chapter foregrounds the experience of singles in ministry by providing direct quotes from the focus groups and individual interviews. And each chapter also includes practical tips, based on the research findings, to help single ministry staff maximize the opportunities and navigate the challenges of their role. In addition to these tips, the authors provide two sets of questions at the conclusion of each chapter: one for “reflection and discussion” and another for “discussion with your ministry supervisor” (21–22). The format of sharing stories, making recommendations, and encouraging self-reflection and discussion makes this book exceptionally practical. It illuminates the experience of those serving in ministry while single, but also gives the reader, regardless of marital status, empathy-building tools for better understanding the experience of others and considering what changes might need to be made in the church to make it more supportive of single members and ministers.
Thriving as a Single Person in Ministry is well suited to both the classroom and the board room. It could easily serve as a textbook in a course on ministry preparation or staff development, raising important issues about the ecosystem of a ministry staff team, as well as the blessings and demands of life in ministry. It could just as easily serve as a jumping off point for church staff teams, elder boards, denominational leaders and advisory committees to consider how they might better support the single people with whom they minister (or whom they oversee). The reflection and discussion questions may be helpful for governing and advisory boards to consider, as they have the potential to uncover areas of inequity in the church and parachurch organizations, especially regarding treatment of those who are ministering while single (the sections related to compensation [59ff] and hiring [73ff] seem especially helpful for such conversations). These questions encourage the reader to interrogate policies and practices that may be supported by incorrect assumptions about the needs and desires of single people in ministry.
Beyond those in ministry, anyone who has a heart to see the church be more inclusive and unified could benefit from reading this work. The reflection and discussion questions encourage any reader to consider the experiences of single people in ministry, and in the church more broadly, and respond with care. I read this book through multiple lenses, informed by my own experiences: former church and parachurch ministry staff member (9 years while single, 3 while married), qualitative researcher, congregation member, and wife of a ministry director. Sitting in the pews with this research in my mind, I was stirred to think about the experience of the single woman sitting next to me. It heightened my awareness of how many times the teaching pastor made reference to his own marriage or used marriage as a metaphor. It made me wonder how she was receiving that message, and made me want to find out more about her experience as a single woman in our church. I felt invited to extend Lawson and Carr's research in my own context, by listening and learning so I can better understand and support.
As with any qualitative research, there are a couple of limitations. First, qualitative research has limited generalizability. The authors rightly note that their findings represent the range of participants’ experiences, rather than making claims about the universality of single ministry staff experiences (146). Second, sampling for qualitative research may also limit the generalizability of findings. In this case, Lawson and Carr admit that while they were seeking to have geographic, racial/ethnic, gender and denominational diversity in their sample, “the sample has a high percentage of people serving in larger church contexts, maily in Southern California, with a stronger representation of evangelical congregational settings than mainline church contexts” (148). Thus, they encourage others to “build on this research” in other contexts (148).
As stated above, there is also an implicit invitation for the reader, regardless of their context, to informally extend the research by asking the questions provided and listening carefully to the responses. Each reader, church, denomination, parachurch organization, and seminary classroom may ask the core questions of themselves and those around them. “What is it like…? What are the joys….? What are the challenges…?” Perhaps the final question we should add is, “How can we help?”