Divorce and Domestic Violence Among Syrian Refugees in Germany

Introduction

Syrian refugees are the biggest refugee group in Germany. In 2016 for instance, numbers of asylum applicants were 722,370 in Germany, and 266,250 or 36.9% of them were Syrians. The majority of Syrian refugees in Germany are male (63.6%) and under 30 years of age (73.8%; Federal Office for Migration and Refugees, 2016, pp. 20–21). This is mainly due to huge difficulties and the high costs of the asylum journey. In addition, gendered cultural limitations prevent women from traveling alone. Therefore, one of the family members, usually the male, comes to Germany first, then he helps other members come to Germany or he sends them remittances. After being granted asylum, married men apply for reunification with their families, and many succeed in bringing their children and wives after waiting over a year. In addition, some Syrian families succeed in arriving to Germany together and asking for asylum.

Despite the high costs and huge difficulties that Syrian families face when they travel together or during the long wait until family reunification, many Syrian refugee couples end in divorce shortly after their arrival to Germany. Moreover, in most of the divorce cases, women are the ones who take the initiative to divorce. Divorce among Syrian refugees in Germany usually does not end peacefully. Wives often complain to the police, accusing their husbands of being violent, in some cases even to their children. Therefore, divorce cases among Syrian refugees often go to German courts where the divorce cases take years and are expensive. Furthermore, several divorce cases end up with murder crimes.

Although divorce and domestic violence, especially the murder cases, attract a lot of attention and debate on social media mostly among refugees themselves, there has been little coverage by the German media, except for some articles in online news journals. In addition, there are no statistics available that show the divorce rate among refugees and allow a comparison to divorce rates among migrants and non-migrants in Germany. Likewise, there are no academic studies, neither in English nor in German, on divorce and domestic violence among Syrians or other groups of refugees in Germany. To contribute to filling this gap, the current study addresses the question: What are the main causes of divorce and domestic violence among Syrian refugees in Germany, and how are these two phenomena interrelated?

The relation between divorce and domestic violence among forced migrants in general, and refugees in Europe and Germany in particular, is more complex than in migrant and native communities as this study will show. In the case of forced migrants, it is complex due to many factors such as the culture and religion of the refugees that are inapplicable in the host society in some respects. It is also entangled with differences in family legislation between the origin countries and the host countries of the refugees, the asylum law of the host country, and the kind of welfare benefits that are given to the husbands and their wives. In addition, it is entwined with the stresses of refugee life, which includes integrating into a different society, mostly without the support of usual social networks such as relatives and friends.

Marriage in Syria is a religious contract based on the Islamic religion and registered in the Sharia courts, where judges are religious men. The wording of this contract sets the marriage like this: a man marries a woman, not the man and the woman get married to each other. Consequently, the dissolution of this contract can only be by the willingness of the man, although by the willingness of the woman under very specific circumstances. The Arabic word for divorce is Talāq, which means to untie or to set free. According to Sharia law, Talāq needs to be pronounced twice by the husband to make the divorce become a fact, and it will forbid him to have sexual intercourse unless he formulates marriage again. Muslim jurists agree that the dissolution of marriage or annulment of its legality occurs by pronouncing certain words such as Talāq or the equivalent to it. Divorce (Talāq) is among the most abominable of legal actions permitted by Islam. Moreover, Islam considers divorce as evil (Abdulrahman, 2020). The marriage contract in Germany is a civil contract, based on the willingness of the couples in coexistence, it ends when the woman or the man do not wish to continue the marital relationship.

This study, after reviewing the literature, explaining the methods, and providing the theoretical background, will show how Syrian refugee women in Germany are freed of the socio-economic obstacles that hinder them from filing for divorce in Syria, such as the perception of divorce by the society as shameful and losing custody of their children. Then, it will show how Syrian women’s “gains” of divorce in Germany exceed the “gains” of remaining married to their husbands, and how that leads them to divorce their husbands. In contrast, the study will expose how the divorce is a big loss for the Syrian refugee men and their interests can only be in keeping the marriage. After that, it will illustrate how domestic violence results from this conflict of interest, in which Syrian refugee men resist their wives’ eagerness to divorce. Additionally, the men interpret the Islamic meaning of the marital relationship, especially the male guardianship of the woman, in the same way as they did in Syria, in order to maintain their patriarchal authority. In contrast, Syrian refugee women do not want the male interpretations of the marital relationship and realize that their gains in divorce exceed the gains of remaining married. This results in many forms of physical and verbal violence from both parties.

State of the Art

There are hardly any studies on divorce among forced migrants, and so far, no study on divorce among Syrian refugees in Germany. Studies on causes of divorce can generally be classified into two groups, studies on natives and studies on migrants. The studies of the first group can be classified into four groups according to the causes, although some of them indicate more than one factor.

First, studies focused on the demographic characteristics of divorcing individuals, such as age, educational level, income, and the length of the marriage. For instance, Kop (1976) found the highest divorce rates were among younger men, with a decrease from 40% if they were married at 19 years of age to 12% if they were married at 30 years of age. Spanier and Glick (1981) found that teenage marriages are particularly unstable. Marital disruption was found to be more likely if all the children are girls, especially among mothers with little education. Weed (1974) also found a relatively high risk of divorce among teenage marriages.

Second, studies explained divorce by women’s “gains” of divorce–especially economically–exceeding the “gains” of remaining married to the same man. The most famous studies in this aspect are the studies by Cary Becker. He used the concept of “marriage market” and discussed a number of significant implications about behavior in this market, mainly in the U.S. context (Becker, 1973, 1981; Becker et al., 1977). Ruggles (1997) also explained divorce due to economic factors. He found that the rise of female employment in non-farm type occupations was closely associated with the growth of divorce and separation in the United States. Ogawa and Ermisch (1994) concluded that Japanese married women who have contemplated divorcing their husbands are more likely to participate in the workforce as full-time paid employees. This finding suggests that an increasing risk of divorce has made a substantial contribution to the fast rise in Japanese women’s participation in paid employment, particularly full-time work. South (2001) confirms a positive effect of wives’ economic independence on the risk of divorce. Also, Brines and Joyner (1999) found that partners whose employment and earnings are similar face reduced risks of breaking up, but the effect is asymmetric: inequality is more disruptive when the female cohabiter earns more than her partner.

Third, studies have explained divorce by the change in family legislation, namely, moving towards no-fault divorce. For instance, Balestrino et al. (2013) suggested that a taboo against divorce was part of the informal safety net in a period when social protection was provided by the family. Once the state started offering suitable alternatives, the taboo was no longer expedient and was dropped. Marriage has become less popular for the same reasons. Binner and Dnes (2001) conclude that the law increased divorce by making it easier to divorce. The introduction of the liberalized, no-fault divorce law had a significant effect on the divorce rate in England and Wales. Friedberg (1998) noted that most states in America switched from requiring mutual consent to allowing unilateral or no-fault divorce between 1970 and 1985. Since then the national divorce rate more than doubled.

Fourth, there are a few studies considering culture as a cause of divorce. For instance, Furtado et al. (2013) argued that if divorce laws were the only explanation for why Italy has a lower divorce rate than Russia, all Russian/Italian divorce differences should be eliminated when we remove differences in laws by examining Russians and Italians living in the same city in the United States. Instead, if home-country divorce rates can explain divorce patterns of childhood migrants who have spent most of their lives exposed to the U.S. culture and norms, this may be interpreted as evidence that cultural variation is at least a partial explanation for the differences in divorce rates across European countries.

In migration studies, there are a few studies about the causes of divorce among migrants’ families. For instance, Kim (2015) in her study on divorces of married immigrants in South Korea mentioned several demographic causes such as immigrant’s age at marriage, couple’s age gap, immigrant’s education level, geographical area, couple’s previous marriages, length of marriage, and whether or not the couple has children. Darvishpour (2002) explained divorce among Iranian migrants in Sweden through the changing distribution of power between both genders. Iranian women became more self-supporting and economically less dependent on their husbands than before. Iranian women experienced that their husbands have no meaning in Sweden when they get custody of the children and economic support. Also, Liversage (2012) found that shifts in power hierarchies in the Danish context are providing Turkish women in Denmark with access to new resources, enabling them to challenge the established gender order and exit unsatisfying marriages.

Studies mainly addressed three reasons for domestic violence among migrants and refugees in different geographic contexts: cultural and religious traditions in the origin countries, the stress of adapting to a new cultural environment–including gendered power constellations–and the experience of political violence and torture in the origin countries. For instance, Wallach et al. (2010) showed that the prevalence of domestic violence among Ethiopian-born Jews in Israel is much higher than among Ethiopians and non-Ethiopians born in Israel. They conclude that the cultural environment in the host society and the level of integration strongly influence rates of domestic violence among migrants and refugees. Nilsson et al. (2008) found that refugee women from Somalia in the United States who speak good English reported higher levels of domestic violence than those women who did not speak English. They explain this by Somali refugee men being stressed by the growing independence of their wives. Wachter et al. (2019) argue that refugee women who newly arrived in the United States cannot make efficient use of services offered to protect them from domestic violence. Shiu-Thornton et al. (2005) found that domestic violence after migration decreased because in the United States laws against domestic violence exist as opposed to Vietnam. The same authors also found evidence that exposure to violence in the origin countries increased the level of domestic violence. Nam et al. (2017) argue that the cultural background of North and South Koreans is very similar but that the political system, in which they grew up is very different. Therefore, North Korean refugee men in South Korea who were exposed to political violence tend to be more violent against their wives than South Korean men. Rizkalla and Segal (2019) found for the case of Syrian refugees in Jordan that displacement and war-related factors have impacted married refugees’ intimate lives.

There are very few studies so far addressing the relationship between divorce and domestic violence. These studies mainly address divorce as a consequence of domestic violence, as for instance the study by Molina (2001) about divorced African American women. Other studies have addressed the institutional response to domestic violence, which often lacks a cultural understanding of the context and the meaning of domestic violence in different cultural contexts (Bent-Goodley, 2004, 2005). Adelman (2000) showed how violence against women in Israel continued during the divorce process and even after. According to her, domestic violence, namely, the battering of women, happens in Israel because social and cultural institutions, such as the family laws and ideologies, prevent women from exiting unwanted marriages. The present study demonstrates how the domestic violence resulted from conflicts of interest in marriage and divorce between Syrian refugee men and women. This relation has not been addressed by previous studies.

Theoretical Background

This study uses the economic theory of marriage and divorce by Cary Becker to analyze the causes of divorce and domestic violence among Syrian refugees in Germany. For Becker, people marry when the “utility” of marriage exceeds remaining single, and they compete with each other to have the best mate. He uses the concept of “marriage market” and considers marriage as practically always being voluntary, either by the persons marrying or their parents. The theory of preferences can be readily applied, and persons marrying (or their parents) can be assumed to expect to raise their utility level above what it would be if they remained single. Since many men and women compete as they seek mates, a market in marriages can be presumed to exist. Each person tries to find the best mate, subject to the restrictions imposed by market conditions (Becker, 1973). Becker determines that the utility or the marriage “gains” also depends on traits, such as beauty, intelligence, and education, that affect nonmarket productivity as well as perhaps market opportunities. Presumably, this helps explain why, for example, less attractive or less intelligent persons are less likely to marry than more attractive or more intelligent persons (Becker, 1973).

However, since what can be considered marriage “gains” cannot be controlled, this results in “uncertainty” and “marital instability.” For instance, the probability of dissolution might well increase because the gain from marrying someone else could be even higher than the gain from remaining married to the current mate. For example, a more educated, attractive, competent, or healthy mate would be selected if a person anticipated that his earnings, personality, or health would turn out as well as it did. His actual mate would try to maintain their marriage by giving him a larger share of their full wealth. But beyond a point, their combined wealth from dissolution would exceed their wealth from staying together (Becker et al., 1977). In addition, the dramatic change in the incidence of voluntary dissolutions has major implications for many kinds of family behavior. Couples are reluctant to invest in skills or commodities “specific” to their marriage if they anticipate dissolution: having children and working exclusively in the nonmarket sector are two such marriage-related activities. That is, the rise in women’s labor force participation rates and the fall in fertility rates in the past decades have partly been caused by, as well as being causes of, the rise in marital instability (Becker et al., 1977).

In this study, Becker’s theory of marriage and divorce is used to explore how Syrian refugee women’s “gains” of divorce exceed the “gains” of remaining married to their husbands, and how that leads them to dissolve the marital relationship. In contrast, Syrian refugee men’s “gains” of marriage exceed the “gains” of divorce. It shows how this conflict of interest in marriage and divorce between Syrian men and women leads to many forms of verbal and physical domestic violence.

Methodology

This study was conducted in Germany in late 2019 and early 2020. It includes 14 qualitative interviews with divorced Syrian refugee men and women. Nine of the interviews are with divorced men, all of them Muslim with different economic backgrounds from urban and rural areas in Syria. Their ages at the time of the interviews were between 32 and 61 years old. The duration of these men’s marriage until the divorce was between five and 27 years. All of them have children with their ex-wives. The number of children is between one child and nine children. All of them were married in Syria and they got divorced after their arrival to Germany. The duration of the interviews with the divorced Syrian refugee men was between one hour to two hours and a half.

Five of the interviews were conducted with divorced Syrian refugee women, all of them Muslim with different economic backgrounds from urban and rural areas in Syria. Their ages at the time of the interviews were between 21 and 40 years old. The duration of the marriage was between three years to 20 years. All of them have children between one child to three children. All of them were married in Syria then got divorced after their arrival to Germany. The duration of the interviews with the divorced Syrian refugee women was between 45 minutes to one hour and a half. None of the interviewees were married to each other.

Snowball sampling was used to recruit participants. All the interviewees gave their consent before the interviews. In this study, open and closed questions were used and the interviewees were given enough time to explain their experiences. All the interviews were conducted in Arabic, tape-recorded, transcribed, anonymized, and translated into English by the author of this article. The data were analyzed and coded following Mayring’s (2004) guidelines for content analysis.

Getting access to the members of the sample was not easy, especially the women, due to cultural concerns. In addition, many people have a hard time recounting the divorce. Therefore, the size of the sample is limited to 14 respondents. However, sharing the same cultural background and the same kind of legal status made them trust me more and share their experience with me.

Syrian Refugee Women’s Divorce Gains Exceed Marriage Gains and Cause Divorce

In this study, divorced Syrian refugee women and men demonstrated that Syrian society’s perception of divorce as “shameful” was the main reason that prevented women in Syria from asking for divorce. According to the interviewees, Syrian society considers a divorced woman as a “defect thing,” thus, a divorced woman loses her chances of remarrying a man in her age, with the same level of education, or with an equal social status, etc. Therefore, divorced women usually end up remarrying a much older man, or as a second wife to a man with children, or to an infertile man. Furthermore, the shame of divorce might extend to other members of the divorced woman’s family. For instance, the shame of divorce negatively influences the chances of any single sister to get married. The following quotations reflect this:

Divorce would affect the future of my sisters, you know Eastern society, it is a catastrophe. I said to myself, for sure, when my sisters get married, I will never stay with this man. But after, it was hard for me to live with my mother and my brother’s family all in a small flat. (Woman—Interview 1)

This result corresponds with what Abu-Ras (2007) in her study on Arab immigrant women in the United States found; Arab attitudes toward female behavior focus on the concepts of shame and honor. Therefore, Arab women are expected to accept their marital problems to avoid divorce, which is a source of shame and dishonor.

In addition, divorced women in Syria lose custody of their children. Although “Sharia courts” there usually grant custody to the divorced women, the state does not give divorced women neither money nor any kind of accommodation. In a society in which the male is often the only source of income, divorce usually means losing custody of their children. Moreover, keeping their children limits divorced women’s chances to remarry, because very few men can afford children, and many simply do not want to marry a woman with children. If a divorced woman chooses to stay at her parents’ house, her parents usually do not accept the children in their house, not only due to economic reasons but also due to the societal view that the children belong to their father and not to their mother. The following quotations reflect this.

If we were in Syria or any other Arabic country, what woman can say that she works and pays rent? No one. With any separation that happens in Syria, the woman says to the man, take your children and leave me. She goes to her parents because she does not have a financial resource other than the man. Her family says these children are not ours, they are their father’s children. (Man—Interview 2)

This result corresponds with the study by Carl Goran Svedin and colleagues found that filing for divorce in their native country—primarily concerning the couples from the Middle East—had often been prevented for social and or financial reasons. A woman’s possibilities to support herself and the children after a divorce were very limited. Under these circumstances, it could have been rational to continue the marriage, even without a basis in love.

Yet, the situation in Germany is fundamentally different in comparison to Syria. Syrian refugee women in Germany not only are freed from the social and economic restrictions that prevented them from asking for divorce, but they also become familiar with German family legalization, which enables women to leave an unwanted marriage, namely, “no-fault divorce.” Moreover, Syrian refugee women become familiar with the opportunities they have as refugees in Germany, such as participation in language courses for free, continuing their studies at the university, starting their own businesses, and becoming independent of their husbands. This plays a significant role in making them divorce their husbands, who usually try to deter this independence as the female respondents reported. The following quotations reflect that.

Here in Germany, I have an opportunity, the woman here does whatever she wants. So, why don’t I go to language school, open my business, and rely on myself? These are natural rights of a human being. I think it is a mistake that a woman’s life only has to be devoted to the home and to the raising of children. (Woman—Interview 3)

Thus, Syrian refugee women in Germany become free of the usual “costs” of divorce or losses, such as the society’s negative attitude towards divorce, namely, that divorce as shameful and that divorced women are “defect things” who bring shame to her and to her whole family. However, when society’s attitude towards divorce is different, it encourages women to dissolve the marital relationship. This is applicable for Syrian women in Germany and corresponds with what Svedin et al. (1994) found; attitude towards divorce plays a role in encouraging Iranian women to divorce. In Sweden, women have an identity in society that is not just based on their role within the family. The conditions for divorce and the opportunities to build a new life afterward are comparatively better in Sweden than in Iran. Also, Anne-Marie Ambert found that “when divorce lost its stigma and became more socially acceptable, these cultural and legal factors have made it easier for people to be less attached to marriage as an institution and consequently to turn to divorce as a solution” (Ambert, 2005).

Moreover, the welfare system in Germany plays a significant role in making Syrian refugee women’s “gains” of divorce exceed the “gain” of remaining married to their husbands. When a family is granted asylum in Germany, they receive different types of support from the state, such as free health insurance for the parents and their children, payed accommodation, the right to participate in language courses, free professional training, etc. The most important element is the unemployment benefit that the refugee family receives as long as both parents do not have work. For the parents, the unemployment benefit amounts to 389 euros per person monthly in 2020. The exact amount of child welfare support depends on various factors, such as the number of children and the age(s) of the child(ren). However, children in Germany receive a welfare contribution of no less than 200 euros per month, which is a large amount of money for people coming from a country like Syria where, for example, the salary of an employee before the war was about 150 Euros.

Yet by law, when one of the partners has a job with a sufficient salary, both partners do not receive this financial support anymore, because the working partner should support the unemployed partner. However, the children still receive benefits in the form of “Kindergeld.” Due to the high costs of the asylum journey to Germany, usually, the man arrives first, then he requests to bring his wife and his children to Germany, based on the German “family reunification” asylum law. However, this process often takes around one and a half years, and this period is usually enough for the refugee men to learn the language and to start their jobs around the time their wives arrive.

However, when their husbands get a job, refugee women usually receive less money from them than they would receive from the German state as unemployment benefits. This is the case for several reasons, such as the need to pay back the debts from financing the asylum journey, or the need to help the parents or siblings who were left behind in Syria. In addition, the right to custody of the children is often given to the woman and not to the man in Germany. According to the economic theory of marriage and divorce by Cary Becker, this means that the “economic gains” of divorce of Syrian refugee women exceed the “economic gains” of staying with their husbands. According to the law, the ex-husband must pay alimony. For instance, a divorced woman with three children, two of them aged 5–11 and one under the age of five, receives 866 euros welfare, from which the alimony provided by the ex-husband is deducted. For instance, if he receives a net salary of 2,000 euros, he has to pay 600 euros alimony for the children. In addition, she gets her unemployment benefit of 389 euros and rent. If she finds work later, her children will still receive the 600 euros of alimony from her ex-husband and the 618 euros of “Kindergeld” from the state. However, in that case, she will not receive the unemployment benefits and has to pay rent from her own salary. The following quotation from the perspective of a divorced man reflects this:

By law, after the divorce, I have to pay her 350 euros alimony every month. In addition, she gets 389 euros “salary” (Meaning the unemployment benefits) from the state and 500 euros “salary” for her two children, as well as rent for her house. And everything is perfect. Now she gets more money than I do, even though she is home and I have to work! That is why she wants custody of the children, although ultimately, she wants more freedom, to go outside and return whenever she wants, and to sit with her friends in a café. (Man—Interview 2)

Hence, all employed divorced men in this study reported that problems with their ex-wives escalated directly after they got their jobs. In addition, all unemployed divorced women in this study complained that they do not get enough money from their employed ex-husbands.

After two months of starting work, the situation was intolerable. She was literally telling me that I was no longer needed. (Man—Interview 3)

However, the result is the same when a refugee woman has work and her husband does not. In this case, the “economic gains” of divorce for the working refugee woman also exceed the “economic gains” of remaining married to her unemployed husband. According to German law, unemployment benefits of the man will be cut as soon as the wife earns a salary that is sufficient to maintain the family. In addition, she should pay rent. Therefore, employed refugee women often choose to dissolve the marital relationship to be free of their husbands, who are the reason for additional costs. In this study, two unemployed men were interviewed, one of them could not work due to an illness. In the other case, the man’s wife came to Germany with her children two years earlier, and then she applied for family reunification with him. Both of them reported that the fact that their wives were employed, contributed to the destabilization of their marital relationship.

My “salary” from the job center stopped because according to the law I get it from her. Here is when the trivial problems started. What gave her the most power was that she had a work contract. I mean, she became independent and didn’t need a man. And this was one of the most important reasons, when the woman feels that she does not need her husband, either she leaves him or she makes him live her way, based on her will and thoughts. (Man—Interview 4)

This finding corresponds with the economic theory of marriage and divorce by Cary Becker that indicates that the probability of divorce is smaller, the greater the expected gain from marriage is (Becker, 1977, p. 1143). Therefore,

welfare conditioned on the household’s income is the poor woman’s alimony and, like a higher wage rate for women, reduces the gain from marriage by increasing the expected income while unmarried. Consequently, welfare would reduce the gain from remaining married. The fraction of both white and black households headed by females is strongly related to the size of welfare payments. (Becker, 1977, p. 1170)

The negative income tax system or aid to mothers with dependent children raises separation and divorce rates among eligible families in that the incomes of divorced and separated persons are raised relative to the incomes of married persons. These programs, in effect, provide poor women with divorce settlements that encourage divorce (Becker, 1981). Also, other researchers, such as Honig (1974), found that the aid to Families with Dependent Children program contained incentives for family dissolution (Honig, 1974). Likewise, Alan Booth found that increases in female earnings significantly increased divorce rates, because the woman in an unhappy marriage found herself capable of sustaining herself and possibly her children on her own wages (Booth, 1999).

Furthermore, the asylum laws in Germany made Syrian refugee women’s “gains” of divorce exceed the gains of remaining married. As mentioned above, due to the high costs and danger of the asylum journey, in most cases, men come first alone, and after they are granted asylum, they apply for reunification with their families. Therefore, the residency of the woman becomes related to the residency of her husband, and in this case, she gets subsidiary protection, not asylum like her husband. Therefore, when a refugee woman divorces, she needs to apply for asylum and thus “gains” residency not related to her ex-husband with a clearer path to permanent residency and afterward to German citizenship. These quotations reflect this.

This contract in which he brought me to Germany is a comprehensive bond of slavery. They told me that with this contract, he can send me back whenever he wants, I am forbidden from opening a bank account, and I take pocket money from him. (Woman—Interview 1)

The previous quotation also shows that ignorance of German asylum law plays a role in the women’s decisions because some of them believe that their husbands can send them back, although, in reality, Germany has not returned any Syrian citizens since the writing of this article.

He affected my social life, my economic life, my residency in Germany, and everything negatively. Therefore, the divorce was very positive. (Woman—Interview 2)

In addition, the structure of the refugee “community” in Germany also makes Syrian refugee women’s “gains” of divorce exceed the “gains” of remaining married to their husbands. As mentioned in the introduction, according to the statistics, the majority of Syrian refugees in Germany are male and under 30 years of age. That means there are many young male refugees who cannot find women in their age group and inside their communities to marry. In addition, according to the law, refugee men cannot return to their countries to marry because this would result in a loss of residency. This increases the chances of divorced women remarrying a younger man.

You may not know that here a woman in her forties can be asked for marriage by a young man in his mid-twenties, even if she has children. Why? Because there are so many young men and so few women here. (Man interview 3)

Thereby, the “gains” of divorce for Syrian refugee women in Germany exceed the “gains” of remaining married, hence, women in this study always initiated the divorce.

Syrian Refugee Men’s Marriage Gains Exceed Divorce Gains

In this study, all divorced Syrian refugee women received custody of their children. Moreover, where they live is the main residence for the children or what they call in German (Hauptunterkunft), while the ex-husbands only have the right to see their children on the weekend every two weeks. Furthermore, divorced Syrian refugee men were prevented from seeing their children for the first three to six months, during this time when the divorce case is not yet finalized. Usually, the divorce cases issued by refugee women include accusations of violence towards the women themselves and even the children. Therefore, to the Syrian refugee men, divorce means losing custody of their children, and as they reported, this is the biggest loss for them. The following quotations reflect that.

The problem that broke my back is my children, and if they return to me, I will be a thousand times better. (Man—Interview 5)

Hence, new initiatives to support fathers’ engagement with their children might reduce aggression toward the wife/ex-wife during the phase of divorce, and also reduce the risk of suicide.

Moreover, divorced Syrian refugee men, especially in older age, have reported that the loss of family life due to the dissolution of the marital relationship is one of their biggest problems. Some were married for 27 years then were forced to live alone in a foreign country where most of them have no friends or relatives. This hard situation made some of them think about committing suicide, as they reported.

I escaped a disaster that was going to take my life. Because of the pressure that I experienced and the things that happened to me, I thought about committing suicide. Things with me have reached that level, I said to her I am ready to be just like a chair at home, to do whatever you like, to kiss the feet of the children, just leave me with you, I cannot live without you, but she refused. (Man—Interview 4)

In addition, divorce for Syrian refugee men means a big “economic loss.” They usually had to sell valuable property or to borrow money to finance the asylum journey and the costs of family reunification. They did that to rescue their family from war and to have a better life in Germany. Yet, their wives left them as soon as they arrived, took the children, and left them struggling with debt. Therefore, they feel their wives exploited them and just used them to safely enter Europe. However, some tried to get reimbursed for the costs they had paid for their wives, but none of them succeeded, because there is no law forcing divorced women to compensate their ex-husbands. This in turn contributes to making them feel that their acts of violence towards their ex-wives are ethically legitimized. For some violence is a tool to restore their rights as reflected in the following quotations.

How come after a person who fought horrors and crossed the sea with his family, his wife with all coolness of nerves divorces him! (Man—Interview 7)

Thereby, Syrian refugee men have no “gains” of divorce like the women do, rather it costs them a lot. They lose custody of their children, family life, and a large amount of money.

Syrian Refugee Men Resist Their Wives’ Eagerness to Divorce, Causing Domestic Violence From Both Sides

Syrian refugee men tried hard to resist their wives’ eagerness to divorce. In addition, they interpreted the marital relationship, especially men’s guardianship of women, in the same way as in Syria and according to Islam religion and Arabic traditions. In these traditions, they are given a higher position in comparison with German family legislation that gives men and women equal rights. Consequently, they perceive their wives’ behavior as going against religion and tradition, and as exploitation of the situation in Germany where law enables women to leave their husbands even if the man does not want “no-fault divorce.” Therefore, the men in this study considered the divorce initiated by their wives as an encroachment of their role as men and Muslim husbands. The following quotations show this.

She must respect the customs and traditions that she was brought up with and she should adhere to what’s in the marriage contract, according to which I have married her. (Man—Interview 2)

However, women have perceived their husband’s behavior not for keeping the Islam religious principles or the Arabic traditions but just for controlling the women and maintaining their old patriarchal authority. The next quotations expose this.

He refused to let me go to school so that I would always be under his supervision. He refused to let me go because he knows that I will meet people there and I will learn the law of the country. (Woman—Interview 4)

Thus, Syrian refugee men and women have different sources of judgment on how the marital relationship should be, and on the types of rights and obligations of a wife and a husband in a relationship. For men, Islamic religion is the basis for their behavior and judgment on their wives’ behavior, especially the right of guardianship as well as the traditions. Women have interpreted these differently, especially the guardianship aspect, which they refuse because it gives men a higher status than women. This conflict of interest creates the need for understanding differently the traditional basis of the judgment of the marital relationship. The following quotations illustrate this.

I blame myself, I sat with myself and reviewed my behavior. Did I do something wrong with her? But I can’t see any mistake. This is a psychological struggle. But I find that as long as I act within God’s law and logic, within our traditions and customs, there is no justification for what she did. (Man—Interview 4)

Furthermore, Syrian refugee men and women perceive German family legislation regarding divorce differently. Refugee Syrian women perceive it positively and consider it fair. The following quotations reflect that.

Men object to laws that run the best society in the world! Laws that made this society the best society! What is the thing that was given to women and detracted from the man? Why is it disturbing if a woman has rights? And the law here does not give the woman the right to beat her man or cheat on him. (Woman—Interview 1)

However, divorced Syrian refugee men consider German law biased towards women by encouraging them to divorce their husbands. The following quotations expose this.

I said to the lawyer and the judge, when you say equality, give her the children for a week and leave them with me for a week. Why do you give her the right to prevent me from seeing my children? This means there is no justice. The most that divorced men can get from the courts is every two weeks on the weekends. (Man—Interview 2)

This result corresponds with what Darvishpour (2002) found. Iranian men feel most dissatisfied in Sweden, and many of them believe that they have a lower status than women. For the majority of the women, the opposite is true. Women’s positions are improved in many respects despite certain difficulties after immigration. Therefore, they have more positive attitudes towards the new society and its rules and norms, especially concerning women’s rights.

Moreover, because divorced Syrian refugee men consider the marriage contract a religious contract made in Sharia court in Syria, some of them view the divorce decisions by German courts as unlawful and believe that their wives are not yet divorced. This matter contributed to making divorced men more violent towards their wives because they believe their wives’ divorce is against religion.

These women who dare to act against the Lord of the worlds and their religion do not know what they are doing to themselves, meaning when a woman gets a divorce without the consent of her husband, she does not know that this is an unlawful divorce, so she is still married to her man. The German state can divorce her from me, but according to the Sharia, she is not divorced. (Man—Interview 4)

Syrian refugee women, after realizing that their “gains” of divorce exceeded remaining married, put a huge amount of pressure on their husbands, who understood their “gains” were in staying in the marriage, and to divorce would mean a big loss. Therefore, Syrian refugee women had to push hard so their men would accept the divorce. Consequently, this conflict of interests is the main source of many kinds of verbal and physical domestic violence committed by both, Syrian refugee men and women.

She was provoking me a lot to divorce her. With words insulting my mother, my family, and my father. She was provoking me in every way, to force me to hit her and then she complains to the police. She had a plan that would end in divorce, and German law allowed her. (Man—Interview 3)

Men in this study interpreted the violence differently; what the women considered “violent” was defined by the men as a “quarrel,” or a “way of educating their wives,” which makes the violence morally legitimate. Yet, according to German law, this behavior is criminalized. Therefore, men’s violence towards the women leads to a faster dissolution of the marital relationship.

I slightly beat her, I mean we fought each other, she even hit me, she is stronger than me. (Man—Interview 8)

The findings presented above, particularly the reasons for the violence of the men, confirm what Bent-Goodley (2004, 2005) found in her studies in the United States about the importance of understanding the cultural context of domestic violence.

Discussion

This study illustrated the complexity of divorce and domestic violence among forced migrants through the example of Syrian refugees in Germany. Factors such as religion and traditions of the forced migrants, asylum law and family legislation of the host society, the difference in gains from divorce and marriage and the conflict of interests between women and men, as well as the special structure of the refugee “community” in the host country all contribute to divorce and domestic violence.

This complexity makes the causes of divorce and domestic violence among refugees a unique phenomenon when we try to understand it according to what migrants and non-migrant studies suggest as causes of divorce. An example of this is the approach that explains causes of divorce by the demographic characteristics of divorcing individuals, such as age gap, childlessness, previous experience of divorce, length of the marriage, and so on. As this study shows, many aspects of this approach are inapplicable in the case of refugees. For instance, Kim (2015) found that having children tends to make couples rethink the effects of divorce on their children and this should act as a deterrent to divorce. Yet, the present study found a positive relationship between having children and divorce. As I showed, German family legislation gives the right of custody of children to the divorced mother. In addition, according to the welfare system in Germany, the state gives every child welfare benefit, which means that a divorced woman receives the money. Therefore, in this study, the children increased the refugee women’s tendency to divorce.

Also, Amato (1996) argues that parental divorce sets in motion a series of events and processes that affect each of these general determinants of offspring marital instability. Bumpass and Sweet (1972) demonstrate a relationship between religion and instability of marriage. Also, they found that women whose parents had experienced divorce or separation have a disruption rate that is 10 points higher than that of women who lived with both parents. Kim (2015) also found that married migrants are more likely to get divorced again if they were married previously, and those who maintain a long-term marriage have enough time to acculturate and to develop a stronger family relationship.

Yet, this study found that the demographic characteristics of divorcing individuals did not play an important role in causing divorce among Syrian refugees in Germany. All interviewees in this study are from the same religion, and most of them were married for more than 10 years, and in four cases even more than 20 years. All of them have children, and none of them has a divorced parent, and none of them or their partners were married before. Only one man reported that his wife was married before. In addition, none of the interviewees except one man reported his/her health or the health of the partner had changed significantly since marriage. The age gap in all cases was under five years, except for two men whose wives were more than 10 years younger, and that contributed in instability of the marital relationship, as they reported.

Moreover, divorce among Syrian refugees cannot be explained according to the culture theory. Members of the sample all are from the same country and have the same religion and cultural background. Therefore, the cultural theory can be useful for understanding why different culture groups who live in the same society have different rates of divorce. This is what Furtado et al. (2013) tried to understand, namely, why Russians and Italians living in the same city in the United States have different divorce rates. Yet, based on the culture theory, we do not find an answer to the question: why do people from the same cultural background, like Syrian refugees in Germany, have a different tendency towards divorce? Consequentially, the homogamy theory that predicts a higher degree of dissimilarity in marital unions in terms of values and lifestyle is related to a higher divorce risk (Andersson, 2015) is not enough to explain causes of divorce among refugees.

The economic theory of marriage and divorce by Cary Becker is a good basis to understand the causes of divorce among refugees in Europe. According to this theory, to a man and a woman, the gains from marrying compared to remaining single is shown to depend positively on their incomes, human capital, and relative difference in wage rates (Becker, 1973). Becker also assumes that persons marry when the utility expected from marriage exceeds the utility expected from remaining single (Becker et al., 1977). Thus, the gain from marriage has to be balanced against the costs, including legal fees and the cost of searching for a mate, to determine whether marriage is worthwhile (Becker, 1973). Therefore, “a husband and wife would both consent to a divorce if, and only if, they both expected to be better off divorced” (Becker, 1981, p. 331).

However, in the case of Syrian refugees in Germany, we need to extend the meaning of what can be considered as “gains” of divorce or marriage for a man and a woman, in order to include not only the “economic gains,” but also other kinds of “gains,” such as having a better residency status in the host countries, or more opportunities for work and study and establishing friendships, especially for women.

This study explained that Syrian refugee women in Germany become free of the socio-economic constrictions that prevent them from filing for divorce in their origin country, such as society’s view on divorce as shameful, and losing the custody of the children. In contrast, in Germany, Syrian refugee women become aware of the German family legislation, especially, no-fault divorce. They understood that their “gains” of divorce exceed the “gains” of remaining married to their husbands. As refugees in Germany, Syrian women have opportunities, such as learning the language for free, continuing their studies at the university, learning a profession, getting a job, and becoming independent of their husbands. In addition, their “economic gains” after divorce exceed their gains of remaining married. Through the German welfare system, they receive welfare benefits, instead of staying married and having to be economically dependent on their husbands. Moreover, through divorce they can “gain” a better kind of legal residency. In addition, after divorcing their husbands, and due to structural specifics of the “refugee community” in Germany in which there are many unmarried young men, divorced Syrian women, if they like, can remarry a much younger man. These factors made Syrian refugee women initiate divorce in this study.

In contrast, Syrian refugee men are aware that they have no “gains” of divorce. Through divorce, they lose the custody of the children, family life, and all the money that they spent to rescue their families from war and poverty.

Domestic violence between Syrian refugee men and women is derived directly from this conflict of interests between them in marriage and divorce. Therefore, Syrian refugee men desperately resist their wives’ eagerness to divorce them through keeping the same religious understanding to the marital relationship, especially the guardianship of the man about the woman. However, men’s interpretations of the marital relationship are not only inapplicable on the German law but also unwanted by their wives.

This conflict of interests causes a lot of verbal and physical violence from both sides. However, Syrian refugee men resist as much as they can until their wives are forced to complain to the police and resort to German law, accusing their husbands of violence.

Conclusion

The current study reveals that the causes of divorce and domestic violence among forced migrants in some regards are unique in comparison with natives and migrants. That means that we need more studies on this topic in different socio-cultural contexts. However, the results of the current study relate to Syrian refugees who are of Arabic Muslim background. They have different educational backgrounds, some of them are college graduates and others did not pursue higher education. In addition, they come from different rural and urban areas in Syria. The results cannot necessarily be generalized to refugees from other countries who might have a different religious and cultural background. Likewise, unmarried refugees, or currently married refugees who do not wish to divorce, might have different perspectives on divorce and the economic benefits related to it. Moreover, this study is related to the situation in Germany, in which the family legislation and the welfare system makes the gains of the divorce—as explained in this study—for the women higher than keeping the marital relationship with their husbands. Yet, this cannot necessarily be generalized to other countries where the family legislation and the welfare system are different from Germany.