Abstract
Not My Kid is a necessary addition to the sex education literature. Many debates about sex education in schools rely upon perspectives attributed to parents, without any proof that those ideas are actually rooted within a majority of communities. This book interviews parents and situates their varied perspectives into the larger narratives about sex education. Demonstrating that the debates over sex education are more intricate than one would think, Elliott shows that parents with strong political opinions face ambiguity with regard to how to discuss sex with their teenage children. While many parents want their children to abstain until marriage, they also question the viability of that option. This book helps to answer the question of why contemporary young adults, in light of increasing awareness, still rely on and perpetuate sexual stereotypes.
Elliott argues that binary thinking about teenage sexuality creates a false dichotomy of teenagers as either innocent and asexual, or predatory and promiscuous. This binary is reinforced through cultural narratives characterizing teenage sexuality as risky and dangerous. Parents have difficulty conceptualizing their children as sexual beings, since in order to consider themselves good parents, their children must be asexual and innocent, as any other possibility reflects poorly on their parenting. Yet in characterizing their children as innocent, parents deny their children sexual agency and subjectivity.
Elliott demonstrates how parents contribute to this binary way of thinking by engaging in a practice of Othering that separates their children from their peers. By positioning their children as different from Others, they can still feel confident about their parenting practices, but this contributes to a sexual dichotomy and perpetuates the danger discourse of teen sexuality. Elliott adeptly shows how notions about race, class and gender are embedded in this practice of Othering, as parents rely on stereotypes in an effort to protect their children. In the name of protection, parents also monitor their children’s time and book them into various afterschool activities. Here, the impact of social class is evident, as lower-income families struggle to provide these opportunities.
One of the most interesting sections of the book deals with the ambiguity parents feel about teaching their children how to be healthy amidst the climate of sexual danger and in light of their own sexual histories. This section shows the complexity of the decision-making process for parents, and the difficulties of providing realistic guidance to their children. Here, one can appreciate Elliott’s diverse methodology to inform her perspective and to contextualize her findings. Situating these families into the context of the sociopolitical debate about sex education helps to underscore the complexity of these parents’ thought processes.
While this book is a welcome addition to the discussion of teenage sexuality, it lacks cross-cultural comparisons, which Elliott addresses in a footnote and in the conclusion. Comparisons with other countries, such as Canada, which share many of the same cultural narratives with the United States, but also have differing approaches to health, would be pertinent to Elliott’s argument. Similarly, Elliott’s argument could have been reinforced by a stronger discussion of regional differences. Elliott demonstrates class differences in her sample of parents, and she makes reference to the environments in which these families live, but a deeper discussion of geographic area would add to the book, especially when Elliott describes observing the debates about sexual education. She mentions being in Texas, but does not specify whether the area is rural or urban. Possibly, the debates she witnessed may be different in another geographic area, so mention of these nuances would bolster her argument.
Additionally, I would have liked a stronger discussion of some of the other forms of sexual socialization for teenagers. Elliott describes parents’ opinions and monitoring of their children’s peers, but a deeper examination of peers as a source of sexual information is warranted. Furthermore, many of the parents in the book parent more than one child, so a discussion of siblings and their effects on sexual education is notably absent. While the book is focused solely on parents, mention of some of the other potential socializing forces would be helpful, for example, when Elliott discusses how school sex education can portray parents as ignorant about sex. Siblings are a potential intervening source of information, which could challenge or reinforce such a portrayal.
Not My Kid offers a fresh perspective on teenage sexuality that does not frame sexuality as negative; instead, it explains why these tropes are so common. Elliott points out how many of the ways that we conceive of and discuss teenage sexuality do not allow for a comprehensive picture of satisfying, pleasurable, agentic sex for young adults, instead reinforcing stereotypes and binary thinking. This book would enhance a variety of classes, covering families, sexuality, and inequality.