The Untimely Death,Fall of the Male Figure and Disintegration of Family in Albee’s A Delicate Balance

Introduction

A Delicate Balance is a full-length realistic play that highlights the traumas and pressures within an upper-middle-class family and the mechanisms they adopt to keep the psychological and social balance of the household intact. The play shows a suburban couple who pretend to be a family and refrain from facing the bleak realities and emotional setbacks, which threaten their sham stability, echoed in the title. They lost a son when he was young and that loss has ever since created a fear not of death as much as its aftermath. As such, the unmentioned fear of death is the source of marital dysfunctionality and the catalyst for deterioration in A Delicate Balance.

Set in ‘the living room of a large and well-appointed suburban house’, the events of A Delicate Balance opens with Agnes speaking with Tobias and speculating on the possibility of her going mad: ‘I might very easily … lose my mind one day’ (Albee, 1966, p. 13). Meanwhile, Harry and Edna, their close friends, pay them an unexpected visit, followed by their daughter Julia, returning home after the breakup of her fourth marriage. The arrival of the trio tilts the scale towards chaos.

Though it may seem that trouble commences with the arrival of Harry and Edna along with Julia, it in fact dates back to earlier times. Tobias and Agnes’s household is shaken violently by an earlier event represented by the death of their only son, Teddy. For years, the family has been balanced on fake assumptions, goodwill and Agnes’s tenaciousness. This family only needs a teeny weeny mishap to lose its delicate balance, collapse and disintegrate. The unexpected arrival of their long-time friends and Julia storming back home after what looks like her fourth divorce make up the rub that seemingly sends the entire household toppling down. As such, it is argued here that the family’s suffering starts after Tobias and Agnes bury Teddy, more than 30 years ago. His death scars both parents as well as Julia, being the sister who stayed alive while the only male descendant of the family who was supposed to carry on the legacy passed away. It inflicts great pain on the entire family, alienating husband and wife, and crippling Julia who must have felt both lonely and unwanted. Hence, Teddy is the catalyst for change in the family that creates a dysfunctional familial environment, which is itself a terror the couple has to gloss over. Albee pictures the anxious and empty life of couples who hide troubles behind a thin veneer of civility and modernity.

The play also focusses on the denial of emotions and of reality, loss of love and compassion among the members of the family and illusions of freedom and choice. As Harry expresses it: ‘There is so many … disappointments, evasions, I guess, lies maybe … so much we remember we wanted, once … so little that we’ve’ (Albee, 1966, p. 100). Characters fear to confront the reality of their troubled psyches. Therefore, most of them try to escape through alcohol, which is an accomplice in almost every fiery conversation characters have. Besides, A Delicate Balance reflects a sense of loss of opportunity and possibility to change and a regret over paths not taken before. As Edna explains at the end of the play: ‘It’s sad to come to end of it, …, nearly the end; so much more of it gone by … than left’ (Albee, 1966, p. 104).

After the loss of Teddy, Tobias hands his responsibilities over to Agnes, thereby he sacrifices his masculine pride. Having reached menopause, Agnes loses forever the opportunity to have another son. Claire has taken to alcohol and hedonism, and hence loses the chance to get married, and have love and family. Having failed to save her many marriages, Julia has lost the opportunity to have children and a secure life. Albee comments on the loss of opportunity and lack of choice, emphasising ‘as time keeps happening options grow less. Freedom of choice vanishes. One is left with an illusion of choice’ (Kolin, 1988, p. 92). It seems that the family’s loss of their son has narrowed their options and drained their potentiality. Thereupon, they have given in to despair, idleness and ennui, making no, or very little effort to enliven their existence and attain happiness.

Tobias: A Shabby Patriarch

Tobias is a wealthy, retired businessman around 60 years of age. He seems to be quiet, well-mannered and tolerant of people around him. Unlike other characters in the play, Tobias recognises his weaknesses as well as the emotional paralysis, and has learnt to accept them. He sees his true image in the eyes of other characters and through their lives, this is why, he seems to be anxious to please others and make compromises. Though Tobias is ‘the central figure and the hub, around which the play’s circularity revolves’ (Porter, 1979, p. 399), he is rather anaemic and even negative. As a patriarch, he cuts a poor figure and seems to be uncomfortable in his patriarchal robes. His existence pivots on an axis made up chiefly of his family and old friends, preferring to live in the past. As the head of the family, he is supposed to act as an asylum of peace and love as each and every one of his acquaintance demands him to be, yet he would rather shirk responsibilities. If he has a choice, he would rather be left alone. Alternatively, he is constantly called upon to intervene in the household’s affairs. His wife, Agnes, nags him to preserve equilibrium in the house. His only daughter, Julia, seems to have pleaded in vain for his attention and help as it happens when she urges him to expel Harry and Edna. His sister-in-law, Claire, never stops throwing innuendoes about their old fling and the potentiality of its revival. In contrast, Harry and Edna, the friends he has known for 40 years, seek ‘succour and comfort’ in him (Albee, 1966, p. 63) as if he were capable of offering them to others. Thus, all of the characters burden Tobias with their demands through his different roles as a husband, father, ex-lover and best friend although he is woefully inadequate to meet their needs (Porter, 1979).

Tobias’ failings all seem to date back to his son’s death. Though he is the central character, his fixation on his son’s loss and lassitude makes other characters, surrounding him, outshine him because they are more energetic than he is (Gross, 2005). Burying his only son, Tobias has also buried any sense of urgency regarding his family’s affairs. He would not even attend to any of their demands because of his desperate need to maintain his peace of mind. Tobias enacts his preferred role of the bereaved father who ‘exhibits a pronounced passivity that arises from loss’ (Gross, 2005, p. 65). As a result, he is apathetic, indecisive and tends to eschew anything confrontational or emotional. Claire calls him ‘predictable, stolid Tobias’ (Albee, 1966, p. 21) due to the fact that he has been acting the same for decades, that is, since his son’s death. His psyche is stunted by his loss, and it makes no progress from thence on. Feeling contentment with a superficial, successful life, he makes no effort to repair the emotional damages Teddy’s death has caused. He is torn apart by his loss and could not care less for any more losses to ensue. It seems to mean nothing to him if the entire household goes tumbling down as, for instance, in the case of the estrangement between him and his daughter. His son’s untimely death has inflicted him with ennui, which makes him isolate himself from people and avoid any commitment to society, or anything else that threatens the quasi-stability of his household (Adler, 2005).

Once a rich man and a model of masculine perfection, Tobias has been paralysed, both emotionally and sexually, in the wake of his son’s death. As such, he contracts a sort of phobia about emotional involvement. Experiencing heartbreak once, he is scared of being heartbroken again. Ultimately, his bruised psyche enlists coldness and indifference as a self-defence mechanism against heartache. Tobias acts coldly with the remaining members of his family. He even goes as far as violating the ethics that bind the family together by cheating on Agnes and with none other than her very own sister, Claire. The incestuous affair with his sister-in-law marks his desire to have a clean break with his wife. It is a ruinous point of no return in his marital relationship. He risks sabotaging his marriage beyond any salvaging. However, Agnes’s forbearance saves the family; she looks the other way, sacrificing both her pride and even sanity, which she often talks about losing if not having lost it already.

Consulting and seeking permission from nobody, Tobias resigns from his role as a patriarch. Much to his distress, the spot remains unoccupied in spite of Agnes’s heroic endeavours to fill in the gap. On her part, Agnes has no choice but to go along with his emasculation, occupying his place as the head of the family. Tobias is also intellectually emasculated as he relapses into a child-like status of inability to make a decision on his own without Agnes’s support. Accordingly, he is portrayed as ‘weak and subservient’ to his wife (Nagtegaal, 2013, p. 28). In the Tobias household, a matriarch holds the reins, makes all the decisions and steers the family towards a false balance and fake security. Tobias has embraced the position of a helpless man who simply follows the lead, set by Agnes. Harry cogently speculates: ‘You don’t know what old Toby would do without her’ (Albee, 1966, p. 102). Too afraid after Teddy’s death, Tobias relies on Agnes and hides behind the hesitant and the ineffective husband he chooses to become. He almost turns his back on his family, devolving his responsibilities over to Agnes. As a result, ‘the mountain of the family’s burdens’ is placed on Agnes’s shoulders as she herself reflects (Albee, 1966, p. 15).

Failing to cope with the psychological pain of his son’s loss, Tobias regresses to an earlier stage of childhood. With little or no self-confidence, he is unwilling to address reality or handle unpleasant situations. He behaves like a child in that he becomes utterly dependent on Agnes who thinks and acts on his behalf. She takes care of him as well as solves his personal problems. While Agnes emerges as a dominant partner within the family structure, Tobias is infantilised and turns into a child-like figure. Agnes ends up becoming a default mother-figure to Tobias and like a mother, she nurses and looks after him the way she takes care of their children. In other words, the development of Tobias’s ego is disrupted or arrested the moment his son died. He regresses to the behavioural patterns of children who are too carefree to dwell on losses, such as death and their egos are less burdened by the vicissitudes of life. According to Schultz and Schultz (2005), a person under stress looks for the comfort of childhood and relapses into earlier stages of life, displaying dependent behaviour because it is safer and ‘free of frustration and anxiety’ (p. 60).

On her part, Agnes tries to wake up Tobias’s ego, calling upon him to step in as when she argues with him, for instance, against Harry’s and Edna’s demand to be taken in, describing their presence as ‘a disease’ (Albee, 1966, p. 96). In her opinion, even though as a matriarch she has shouldered the responsibilities of this family, there are still some tasks that men only can perform. Therefore, when she states helplessly that ‘We don’t decide the route ….We follow. We let our … men decide the moral issues’ (Albee, 1966, pp. 84–85), she makes clear her position. In so doing, she declines to help Tobias, emphasising his share in the responsibility: ‘You decide, my darling’ (Albee, 1966, p. 97). Nonetheless, it is Agnes who sets the course and Tobias is only recruited to execute the decision. Even then, Tobias manages to do a botched job. It is Harry and Edna who decide to leave on their own as they realise that they are not as welcome as they have hoped to be. Edna and Harry are the only two persons Tobias has not yet disowned. He clings on to their friendship when he forgoes almost everything else. He abides by the rules that friendship entails. Yet, he has to worm himself out of friendship’s responsibilities and let them go so that his family might survive the crisis.

Having ‘never recovered from Teddy’s death’, Tobias lives ‘as an exile within his own home’ (Gross, 2005, p. 67). He is obsessed with the fear of having to deal with death again. He keeps on worrying about death to the extent that he gives up sexual relation with Agnes in order not to risk conceiving another child who might also die. Thereby, he thinks he is defending his ego against the pain of separation and loss. He lives in a state of self-inflicted isolation and dissociates himself from his family to escape the bitter reality of his son’s loss. He prefers to suffer alone in his private world silently: ‘I have sat here … in the cold, in the empty cold, I have sat here alone’ (Albee, 1966, p. 85). This suffering pushes him towards self-alienation. Miner (as cited in Kaibr & Jingjing, 2018) says that if people dedicate their life to caring for a certain person and link their roles in life to him/ her, they will suffer from the death of that person to the extent that they cut themselves from life totally. Instead of expressing his sad feelings, Tobias holds on to his grief. He retreats from paternity and avoids sexual intercourse with his wife only to guard his ego against the woes of losing a child. His image as a mourning father looms large in his mind, clouding his vision and hindering his recovery.

Psychologically scarred by Teddy’s death, Tobias has slipped into stasis, lethargy and melancholia, which Sigmund Freud (2009) diagnoses as ‘a profoundly painful dejection, cessation of interest in the outside world, loss of the capacity to love, inhibition of all activity’ (p. 20). As Agnes expresses it, Tobias does not live at home, but in ‘the dark sadness’ (Albee, 1966, p. 84). He cannot adapt himself to his loss and is overwhelmed by melancholy (Gross, 2005). Tobias is incapable of participating actively with others, or channelling his affection to any other object of love. He turns his back on life and retreats into his own shell. In terms of Freud, Tobias enters into a state of pathological mourning and lets himself sink into a deep depression.

As a melancholic person, Tobias has a poor self-esteem, which is a hallmark of melancholia. He withdraws from consciousness into the unconsciousness, leading a marginal existence. More importantly, he sees himself, to borrow Freud’s words (2009, p. 22) as ‘worthless, incapable of any achievement and morally despicable; he reproaches himself, vilifies himself and expects to be cast out and punished.’ He belittles himself before his family as he confesses his own limitations and spiritual poverty: ‘THOSE ARE MY LIMITS! NOT YOURS! … . well, that’s my poverty’ (Albee, 1966, pp. 102–103). So Tobias’s life takes a slight downturn and moves to the margins.

To find peace and to escape the sad reality, he indulges himself in drinking and other distractions. Tobias takes refuge in the comfort of drinking and renders himself an alcoholic. Knafo (2012) affirms that isolation leads to alcoholism that serves as a companion. He says that ‘alcohol is a loner’s disease’ (p. 52), thus Tobias diagnoses his problem as loneliness, skirting around the fact that it is a self-imposed alienation. Rather than confronting reality, he gulps anisette, gin and brandy all day long. Tobias plays the barman who is ‘proud of his wines’ (Albee, 1966, p. 57), offers and serves everyone drinks. In so doing, he sets a bad example for the rest of the family, which already has Claire as its veteran alcoholic, along with Julia who seems to have recently joined the club as Agnes complains: “Well, I would seem to have three early-morning drinkers now. I hope it won’t become a club. We’d have to get a license, would we not ? (Albee, 1966, p. 107).

Tobias’s alcoholism is a palliative to relieve his suffering, release his tension and calm his nerves. Alcohol puts his consciousness into a trance and helps him maintain his tolerance and equanimity. It reduces his deep anxiety and blanks the feelings of sadness. It also provides Tobias with an escape from the boring routine of life or ‘the pressures’ of ‘the daylight’, and a relief from his distress as he himself reasons about the ‘grateful delight’ of having ‘a drink or two, very late, in the quiet, tired, the mind … lets loose’ (Albee, 1966, p. 83).

Uncontrollable Eroticism

To maintain and defend his emotional detachment, Tobias distances himself physically from his wife. After Teddy’s death, he gradually stops sharing the same bedroom with Agnes. His avoidance of intimacy is motivated by his subconscious fear of loss. Tobias considers bearing another child as a threat to his security. So, his motto in life becomes: ‘nothing ventured, nothing lost’ (Kolin & James, 1986, p. 169). Tobias’s ‘sexual withdrawal from Agnes … [becomes] therefore emblematic of his withdrawal from any of life’s risks’ (Porter, 1979, p. 399).While he thinks that he is taking measures against grief and heartbreak, he has been in fact thwarting his own healing. Forbearing from intimacy, he has assigned himself to not only an estranged, lonely life, but to an existential cul-de-sac. Edna diagnoses the wretchedness of estrangement most pungently, saying: ‘It’s sad to know you’ve gone through it all, or most of it, without … that the one body you’ve wrapped your arms around … the only skin you’ve ever known … is your own? and that it’s dry … and not warm’ (Albee, 1966, p. 105).

Tobias’s decision about not having another child leaves Agnes with no choice but to resign and wait patiently. She comes under her husband’s thumb: ‘Whatever you decide … I’ll make it work; I’ll run it for you’ (Albee, 1966, pp. 85–86). She denies her sexual needs and motherly instinct and pretends to lead a perfect, happy marital life. She locks away her heart and conceals her passionate emotions for Tobias. As a consequence, Agnes becomes emotionally drained as Tobias is sexually so. Her son’s death and her husband’s disregard have so hardened her to the point that Tobias could not help but admire her stoicism: ‘Agnes has … such wonderful control I haven’t seen her cry in … for the longest … no matter what’ (Albee, 1966, p. 25).

By evading sexual contact with Agnes for fear of producing another child, Tobias ‘has built a family on his fears’ (McCarthy, 1987, p. 94). His detachment and passive attitude have hurt Agnes psychologically. After Teddy’s death, Agnes is devastated: ‘It was an unreal time … for a number of us, for me. [brief sorrow clearly shown] Poor little boy’ (Albee, 1966, p. 68). She must have sought solace and emotional support in her husband, but Tobias lets her down. Before their sex life comes to a halt, their sexual encounters must have felt offensive to Agnes. Tobias tends to withdraw from Agnes’s body prior to reaching orgasm in an attempt to avoid inseminating her. Agnes recalls with regret how they ‘could have had another son; we could have tried. But no … those months - or was it a year?’ if not for Tobias spilling himself on her belly. Agnes is keen on pointing a finger at Tobias due to his constant denial: ‘No, you wouldn’t even say it out: I don’t want another child, another loss. “Please? Please, Tobias?” And guiding you, trying to hold you in?’ (Albee, 1966, p. 88).

Ever since their son’s death, their marriage is in turmoil and there is an emotional barrenness in their relationship. Tobias’s conduct exhibits his ‘refusal to grant that respect of attention’ to Agnes’s needs (Jenckes, 2005, p. 19). Agnes entertains strong doubts that Tobias no longer loves her the same way he used to before their son’s death and that he is, one way or another, through with marriage: ‘I thought Tobias was out of love with me - or rather, was tired of it, where Teddy died, as if that had been the string’ (Albee, 1966, p. 68). She also suspects that Tobias has cheated on her with her sister. Discussing the reasons of the failure of Julia’s marriages, Agnes mentions the unpleasant times her own marriage went through: ‘Oh, my dear Tobias … my life is gone through more than hers. I see myself … growing old each time, see my own life passing’ (Albee, 1966, p. 72). Evoking the bitter memories of her son’s death, Agnes ponders on the unreal time she endures when she doubts Tobias’s love and faithfulness to her. She asks Harry, Edna and Claire if Tobias has really cheated on her, but all three dispel her suspicion. Ironically, doubt is her only ally saving her from insanity: ‘Ah, the things I doubted then: that I was loved-that I loved, for that matter!- that Teddy had ever lived at all-my mind, you see. That Julia would be with us long. I think – I think I thought Tobias was unfaithful to me then. Was he, Harry?’ (Albee, 1966, pp. 68–69).

Agnes is barely relieved by the fact that she cannot confirm her doubt that the mourning Tobias cheated on her ‘that hot summer, with Julia’s knees all bloody and Teddy dead?’ (Albee, 1966, p. 69). Sharing again one bedroom with Tobias for the first time in many years and tormented by doubt or even jealousy, Agnes throws innuendoes about him sneaking to Claire’s bedroom, to which accusation, Tobias emphatically replies ‘I never go to Claire at night, or talk with her alone - save publicly’ (Albee, 1966, p. 82). Agnes cannot help but realise the gap widening between her and Tobias and agonise over how he and Claire are like-minded: ‘We must always envy someone we should not, be jealous of those who have so much less. You and Claire make so much sense together, talk so well’ (Albee, 1966, p. 82).

Being no longer sexually attracted to Agnes, Tobias has opted to be impotent. His impotence is proved once again when he has to share the bedroom with Agnes. Though Agnes looks soft, sensual and she welcomes Tobias back to her bed, he is unwilling to have sex with her. Rather, he seems to be so confused and shy that he leaves the bed at the crack of dawn. Agnes comes down looking for him in ‘a dressing gown which could pass for a hostess gown. Her movements are not assertive, and her tone is gentle.’ Her ‘it was nice to have you there’ is met by ‘a slight smile’ and a cold ‘Hm’ (Albee, 1966, p. 81). Tobias and Agnes’s relationship has reached a deadlock that is not acknowledged by either one of the couple, but it is manifested in every facet of their relationship. The absence of love, emotions and intimacy is evident in their icy dialogue, which lacks warmth and passion.

Nonetheless, sharing one bedroom brings matters to the forefront again. It makes Agnes’s emotions and expectations rise and provides her with an excuse to reminisce about their intimacy before the death of their son. She muses on their marriage, invokes past memories and stumbles on the truths. Agnes laments the happy past and she compares their marital relationship in the past with the present:

AGNES: I remember when it was constancy, how easily I would fall asleep, pace my breathing to your breathing, and if we were touching! What a splendid cocoon that was. But last night - what a shame, what sadness - you were a stranger, and I stayed awake. TOBIAS: I’m sorry (Albee, 1966, p. 81).

To deal with the painful reality of their son’s death and their subsequent alienation, Tobias and Agnes have developed a platonic relationship, which has further separated them emotionally from one another. Moreover, they have lived so far unconsciously and never been awakened to face the nightmare of their reality. However, the appearance of Harry and Edna sparks a sort of self-examination and enforces Tobias and Agnes to face ‘the spectres of their own fears’ instead of escaping from them (Bigsby, 1968, pp. 224–225). After Teddy’s death, Tobias and Agnes have lived in an emotional disarray. They become afraid of death and they have surrendered to stasis, leading ‘a death-in-life existence’ (Adler, 2005, p. 82). Tobias rebuffs over and again Agnes’s suggestion to have another child and submerges himself in his own world, leaving her with nothing but the sense of void and despair (Gabriner, 2007). So, the distance between them increases, leading to infidelity and personal guilt complex.

Tobias is unfaithful to Agnes as he and Harry have betrayed their wives and had an extramarital relationship with the same woman who is thought to be Claire. While Harry is a constant cheater, it seems that Tobias had one fling right after his son’s death. According to Matta (2006), ‘the sexual act is a biological solution to a psychic problem’ (p. 113). Tobias’s grief was too much for him, so he ended up seeking a distraction. However, Tobias’s conduct implies that he stopped loving his wife, probably, even before his affair with his sister-in-law. When Claire asks him: ‘Why don’t you kill Agnes?’, the only response Tobias has to this suggestion is that: ‘But it would have to be an act of passion—out of my head, and all that’ (Albee, 1966, p. 20). Tobias and Agnes do not ‘function as a loving couple’, but as friends (Pero, 2006, p. 184). They seem to be more like housemates, who cannot help living under the same roof or even worse business partners, making of the family a not-going-so-well corporation. They have not shared the same bed for many years and their marriage seems to have become something of a habit. And their conversations with each other show superficial emotional contentment. To satisfy his childish id, Tobias’s libido is directed briefly toward Claire, committing adultery as well as incest. Dominated by the id, he surrenders to the animal inside of him and cheats on Agnes. In so doing, Tobias challenges propriety and breaks marriage vows. According to Freud (1960), the id strives to fulfil its needs regardless of taboos, norms or ethics. It is thoroughly irrational and dominated by the blind quest for satisfaction. In its temptation to do whatever that achieves pleasure, it looks like ‘the devil figure’ (Dobie, 2011, p. 57). Claire, who appeals to Tobias’s id and lures him into having an affair, represents the devil figure. She is the personification of an id not hindered by the restrictions of ego and superego.

Nevertheless, Tobias’s passion for Agnes may not have died, but rather changed its direction. Rather than satisfying his needs through Agnes, he replaces her with her sister. Claire is the ‘alter ego to Agnes’ (McCarthy, 1987, p. 85) and ‘a substitute-irresponsible-wife’ (Porter, 1979, p. 401). She supplies Tobias with the sexual excitement ungratified in him and which he no more demands from Agnes. Claire appears to be closer to Tobias than Agnes is and Tobias feels more comfortable and relaxed with Claire than with Agnes (Hayman, 1971). He even gets annoyed when Agnes expresses her discomfort with the presence of Claire in their home, leaving the place of his sitting beside Agnes because ‘It’s getting uncomfortable’, a reply that makes Agnes taunt him with ‘Things get hot, move off, huh? Yes?’ (Albee, 1966, p. 15).

Feeling unable to provide Claire with the affection she needs, Tobias terminates his sexual escapade. He turns his back on Claire and resumes his role as the submissive husband of Agnes, maintaining their sexless marriage (Porter, 1979). Under the influence of alcohol, Claire reminds Tobias of the girl he has shared with Harry years ago, sabotaging the image of the devoted, loving husband. Claire opens fire on the Tobias-Harry friendship, forcing Tobias to dwell on a shameful memory. What exists between Harry and Tobias is not friendship according to Claire, but the coincident camaraderie of wrong-doing and guilt though Tobias ‘had the wanton only once, while Harry! Good friend Harry, …, was on top for good and keeps twice, with a third try not so hot in the gardener’s shed, with the mulch’ (Albee, 1966, p. 23). Having an incestuous relationship with his sister-in-law though only once, Tobias transgresses the rules of kinship, and flouts the constraints and taboos of the superego. He feels a pang of guilt for his infidelity and for breaking the moral canons of the society. Thus, he experiences moral anxiety as a result of the conflict between the ego and the superego.

Tobias is haunted by his past debauchery. To keep his present self-concept intact, he blots out all memory of the one-night stand with Claire from his conscious mind. He adopts isolation as a form of self-defence against past misdeeds by mentally isolating thoughts and activities associated with them. For Freud (as cited in Kronström, 2011), isolation is a split between the conscious and the unconscious usually adopted by indecisive personalities. Isolation operates by creating a mental gap between thoughts and feelings connected with them. So, Tobias pretends to forget the name of the woman with whom he commits adultery, shouting ‘I don’t remember’ (Albee, 1966, p. 23). Smith (2003) claims that forgetfulness is a mechanism adopted by the ego; an unconscious motive drives a person to forget about unpleasant past experiences. Above all, Tobias disregards Claire’s open invitation to have sex with her when she tries to resuscitate their adulterous affair. Lighting her a cigarette hesitantly, Tobias brushes away the temptation of Claire lying on the floor and stretching her arms towards him after declaring that she needs ‘A smoke, a sip and a good hard surface’ (Albee, 1966, p. 24).

Unable to carry on with adultery, he isolates himself in a room ‘upstairs where he practices masturbation’ (Kingsley, 1973, p. 78). Out of loneliness, desperation, Tobias turns to masturbation as an isolating means of self-comfort. From Klein’s viewpoint (2014), masturbation is regarded a taboo and a deviant sexual behaviour. Since the ego cannot satisfy the id’s desires through normal actions like marital sex, it regresses to deviant behaviour like masturbation. As a result, Tobias is at the mercy of his id, which is controlled by the biological system; he succumbs to the temptations of self-pleasure. Tobias has been for years narcissistic, egoistic and inconsiderate of his wife’s marital needs. While the revival of sex is essential to saving his marriage, Tobias is more interested in his own body. Alternatively, Blos (1991, p. 424) says that ‘masturbation was used to ward off the painful effects stimulated by abandonment, loss of object, and loss of body integrity’. According to this view, Tobias uses his body as a mere instrument of pleasure to fight back the painful feelings caused by Teddy’s loss. All in all, the death of his son baffles Tobias and makes him lose direction. He is neither happy nor able to make his family happy either.

Tobias: A Father no More

The traumatic experience of Teddy’s death is so fixed in Tobias’s mind. It has so unhinged him that he decides to abandon not only Agnes’s bed, but he also abandons his existing child Julia. Tobias relinquishes his responsibility as a father. He detaches himself from his only daughter and does not care about her troubled marriages or recurrent divorces. Ironically, Tobias admires his choice of detachment, considers it wise, and elevates himself to a godlike status: ‘it’s rather … Godlike, if I may presume: to look at it all, reconstruct, with such detachment’ (Albee, 1966, p. 83). Aided by such reasoning, he refrains from interference and feels satisfied, while watching his daughter suffer silently and passively. His motto in life is ‘We do what we can’ (Albee, 1966, p. 16) and thus he does not force himself to act in his daughter’s best interest. To feel secure and protected as well as to avoid confrontation, Tobias plays ‘Tune-Out’ or ‘the avoidance game’ (Szeliski, 1970, p. 126). He even seems unable to give Julia any attention, focusing on Edna and Harry rather than seeing to his disappointed daughter who needs ‘consolation or a great cuffing around the ears I [Agnes] don’t know which to recommend’. Agnes alludes to Julia’s need of disciplining which as a child she did not receive from her father. When he finally lends a hearing ear, he stutters and his speech trails off into ‘[To Julia rather timid] what was … all about?’ (Albee, 1966, p. 46).

When Julia is driven to hysterics in defence of her own room because it is occupied by Harry and Edna, Tobias lends her deaf ears as well. Julia’s numerous SOS calls are ignored by her very own father. Rather than attending to her, he asks Agnes to console and calm her, devolving the task to Agnes as usual: ‘[a kind of wondrous bewilderment] Don’t you think you should go tend to her?’ (Albee, 1966, p. 72). It seems that Tobias has built high walls around himself, allowing access to nobody. Julia’s homecoming disturbs Tobias since this may force him to play his leading role as a father and fulfil his obligation to his daughter (Hull, 1975), whereas he seems to be genuinely indifferent to her. He never listens to her and constantly withdraws from her. When Agnes proposes that he talks to her, Tobias seems undecided and anxious lest he would not be able to make any difference or even say anything reasonable. He might seem to be fishing for excuses, but the fact is that he really has nothing to say to her as he has long since drifted away from Julia. Tobias’s rationale reflects his helplessness as he justifies ‘If I saw some point to it, I might … if I saw some reason, chance. If I thought I might … break through to her and say, “Julia …, ” but then . .;what would I say? “Julia …” Then, nothing’ (Albee, 1966, pp. 30–31).

Agnes indirectly attributes the failure of Julia’s marriages to Tobias’s ineffectuality. He is no role model and even inadequate in the father’s role. Julia has been craving his attention, love and support, which Tobias has denied for years, probably since her brother’s death. As a young girl, she must have wanted to impress him and make him proud, but Tobias would not give her the chance because he is too afraid to get emotionally involved. As a father, he fears to attach any hope to his remaining child lest he should get hurt again. In the long run, her many marriages, return to the family, and shameless hysterics are all ways through which Julia imposes her presence on her father. Nonetheless, his detachment proves useful as it helps him to be oblivious to Julia’s many downfalls. While she sinks deeper and deeper in her endeavour to capture her father’s attention, Tobias becomes more senseless and indifferent. He has not been completely unaware of his daughter’s despair though. Rather, Tobias chooses to watch nonchalantly and is loath to interfere lest he should get scalded again like it happened when Teddy passed away. So marrying and divorcing Tom, Charlie, Phil and recently Douglas, Julia intends to provoke her father into arguing with her, probably even hating her. She would rather antagonise than become a nothing to him.

Conclusions

In A Delicate Balance, Teddy’s death is a turning point that precipitates the family’s emotional disarray and transforms the family from a place of security and warmth to one dominated by gloom and exaggerated grief. Teddy’s death leaves an indelible imprint on Tobias’s consciousness. Tobias could not handle the loss of his son and, instead of trying to bring the family together, he selfishly isolates himself away from them. Thus, Agnes bears the brunt of the new situation, as she is implicitly called upon to play the role of the patriarch of the house. Agnes clearly has no choice in the matter and so with a great deal of stoicism, she accepts her double role of husband/wife.

Tobias is self-aware of his personal failure as a husband, a father and a friend. He fails as a husband because he is not strong enough to face reality, continue his life and console Agnes after their son’s death. As a father, he cuts a poor figure because he does not listen to Julia’s agonies and help her to come to grip with her marital problems. As a friend, he lets down Harry and Edna, his closest friends, when he does not provide them with shelter. Tobias cannot fulfil any of these roles; he only defers decisions and avoids commitment. He ascribes failure to his own imperfections and apologises to his family over and over again: ‘I’m sorry. I apologize’ (Albee, 1966, p. 108). In the long run, it seems that Tobias’s negativity has been triggered by the traumatic experience he has undergone upon the death of his son and which he could not overcome.