Abstract
You see the heading violence and I bet you are thinking something physical, I am heading in a different direction and have viewed some extraordinarily mentally and emotionally violent people that have inflicted untold damage to many. The violence people experience mentally during incarceration is individual to all, but I propose that not a single person leaves incarceration without the additional and possibly more damaging scars of mental violence. The mental violence that occurs in prison and the damage inflicted, regardless of their mental and emotional strength is a paramount story to why many things happen here. The mental damage and anguish on the loved ones of those inside is also immense and is something I will discuss later in this essay.
The mental violence experienced by everyone that grace the walls of incarceration varies. To be isolated from family, friends, social interactions and depending upon the facility often, daylight, exercise and fresh air takes its toll. I understand that people who commit crimes are inside due to their actions, but getting through each day requires the strength of Hercules as the toll of the mental violence being dispatched upon them takes its toll. Nothing can be simulated to explore this violence and the damage from it and more importantly the only way it can be shared and explored is through lived experience and ethnographic pieces like this.
The large majority of staff encountered while incarcerated and also many of the inmates come across as respectful people that treat you the way you treat them. There is however a small amount of both who do not and use whatever physically and mentally violent means possible to try and assert their will over you. The ways in which this mental violence occurs is often barbaric and takes an immense toll on your mental and emotional wellbeing.
The stress from this mental violence from officers and inmates on top of being incarcerated is often overbearing and is highlighted by the reality that you can’t just slip away for some time to yourself to process as you could on the outside. No matter where you go there is always noise, people and others who are suffering as well. Don’t get me wrong there are places in which you can try and escape such as the garden or gym but with these places so few and far between and the access times available to visit them being limited often the noise makes it busier than what you’re trying to escape from. Some others try and escape this mental abuse by heading to their cells, and in a strange way it is the pure existence of cells that actually magnify the mental violence and are often the place where the most damage is done.
There are many different people inside who come from a myriad of backgrounds and who have committed many crimes; the one common thing amongst all of them is that they are somehow damaged from the mental violence they have experienced both prior to and while incarcerated. The longer the person has been inside the more institutionalised they seem to be with set routines and processes ruling their movement, thinking and behaviours. This mental violence delivered to incarcerated people is then increased if anyone dare break one of these rules or vary their own routine to something that doesn’t meet the expectations of an officer or staff member. Additional acts of mental violence may include isolation, removal of some of the minimal privileges that exist inside or removal of visitation or phone call rights thus furthering the damage on the individual and in some instances, their families.
The mental and sometimes-physical abuse can trigger from something as simple as an incorrectly dried dish or a TV that may be deemed a little loud. On further reflection and questioning of a few of the guys serving larger sentences or had been inside before, they mentioned that the need to abuse, hit or mentally torment people because of these types of things are ‘burnt into their psyche’ and that they had to learn these things the hard way in previous jails where they were mentally or physically assaulted or punished.
The men I spoke to felt that the use of this type of mental and physical violence came from being institutionalised and having to ‘look after their space’ and ‘make sure I am respected’. Institutionalisation is a common word used by ‘lifers’ and others who have served large sentences and the academic in me cannot shy away from the question ‘is institutionalisation a result of mental violence experienced while incarcerated and does this mental violence ‘break’ a person before they go back to the community?’
I was lucky enough not to serve a large sentence, however, I was constantly concerned as to how the mental violence I had experienced during the build up to my case through the media, through peers, through family and through the investigators would affect my life moving forward. All of this before I even had to see the mental violence of incarceration. Speaking to many others, they shared similar lived experiences and the fear of how the mental violence of charges and then incarceration would affect them and their loved ones when they returned to the community. I can’t even fathom how someone who has done significantly more time than me at higher security prison can go back into the world after the mental violence they would have experienced during their time.
The most confronting type of mental violence I experienced while incarcerated was showing emotion. Emotion was hidden away and looked upon negatively and often left many those showing emotions as targets for mental violence and abuse. I remember one of the first few days I spoke to my kids on the phone (which was heaven and hell at the same time), I shed several tears and was told in no uncertain terms by one of the old timers that tried to help first timers, to wear my sunglasses to the phones so that it wasn’t seen by those that would see it as a weakness and target you. It only took until the next day to see a young father on the phone to his young children and upon hanging up he broke down sobbing and was automatically set upon by a group of men with a tirade of verbal and mental abuse, that saw him retreat quickly to his cell where I’m sure the mental violence continued and probably escalated and permanently scarred in his own mind and heart.
This whole concept was somewhat of a challenge to me as I am an emotional person who wears my heart on my sleeve, a dangerous trait while inside. I am proud of the love I have for my kids and my ability to show emotions, but I do worry about how my time incarcerated, where mental violence and emotional torture were so prevalent, is and will further affect my ability to share love with them and guide them emotionally moving forward. Scarily, this is a question that many other previously incarcerated fathers who have experienced this mental violence ask and continue to ask themselves daily.
I am an avid reader and throughout many years of study I refer to mainly academic papers, research and study to help build arguments. This case is a little different with the most poignant words about mental violence in jail, from his own lived experience, and the results on people who experience it, is from famed Australian criminal Mark Brandon ‘Chopper’ Read. Read, has a famed real and fictional criminal history in Australia and has been the focus on numerous books and in a mainstream movie called ‘Chopper.’
In the book, The Popcorn Gangster: Chopper 10.5 1 , Read talks about the stress and mental violence that prisoners experience, and his own and the lived experiences of others. I am not comparing the time I have done to anything that he has done, but the feelings and sentiment is the same and I couldn’t think of any better words to say it how he is saying it.
‘Prison inmates are the only people who suffer from no known or medically diagnosed forms of stress disorder. Even prison inmates don’t really recognise it, why? Because both the inmate and society know that the inmate placed himself in that situation and, as a result, no complaint is or will be recognised, regardless of how much permanent mental or emotional damage is done.’
‘I offer no excuse or reason or pardon mes. I’ve my own self to blame for my own life and no one else but me. All I’m saying is what I didn’t know when I was younger was that the human brain can simply not take on the sheer weight of mental and emotional stress that it has to take on to survive that life.’
‘I have been damaged. The scars and the tatts on the outside are easy to see but the scars on the inside are just as visible if you really look.’
‘It’s like holding onto a tightrope a mile high above the ground with one hand, with the weight of your whole life is hanging around your feet trying to pull you down.
The human heart screams ‘Let go, let go, you’ve had enough’. You can’t take it any longer but the mind says ‘Hang on, hang on, don’t let go’ and the reality becomes a dream or, in the case of the seriously brain stressed – the dream becomes a permanent nightmare.’
The damage of emotional violence is unique to everyone and I honestly don’t know how badly I have been damaged by this experience. My emotions and mental strength were challenged daily and I had to develop protective, silo type skills to hide my emotions and deal with the mental violence, unfortunately many of those skills remain with me today and lock me off from many emotions.
For the large majority of incarcerated people there is simply no one to talk to in a safe and inclusive manner. To discuss with a psychologist or officer inside could be perceived as a weakness, not only by other people inside but also by the parole board that don’t want to return psychological threats to the community, resulting often in parole being denied due to the stigma that rolls with mental fragility. While inside, everyone is fighting their own battle of survival and damage minimisation from mental violence in every sector of the system everyday of existence in here. A long serving acquaintance inside once told me that ‘You will be damaged mentally in here and your emotions messed up, if you can leave here with ways to survive the violence you will be able to go home with something salvageable for your family and friends to see the old you.’
I can only talk for myself here but years after coming home I still have nightmares, deja vu moments and sometimes cry for no reason. I have tried to block out every part of the mental violence I experienced and developed skills to try and do this. I can’t say I have done this well, but what I do know is that the only people that ‘get it’ and understand ‘it’ are others that have lived through the same experiences. Mental violence is real and often has longer lasting scars and cuts than physical violence.