An Ecocultural Perspective on Eating-Related Routines Among Low-Income Families With Preschool-Aged Children

Establishing a mealtime routine

In approximately half of households, all adults and children living in the household regularly ate dinner together. Another common scenario was that children ate dinner with one adult, usually the mother, and the other adult living in the household ate dinner later or in a different location. This scenario usually occurred because children were hungry for dinner before dad got home from work. Regular weekday dinnertimes rarely included individuals who did not live in the household, except for two families that prepared dinner and ate with nearby relatives most evenings.

According to the information that parents reported during the interviews, the most commonly reported location for the dinner meal was at the kitchen or dining room table. Other eating locations included the couch or coffee table in the living room so that families could watch television while eating. A few families reported that parents and children did not eat dinner in the same room because of space constraints (e.g., not enough space at the table for all family members). In all these cases, children sat at the kitchen table and parents sat in the living room.

Regarding family interaction at mealtime, parents reported that during dinner their families “can talk more at peace,” “talk about what we did during the day,” “have conversations together without fighting,” and “enjoy each other.” However, some parents reported that family dinner conversation with preschoolers was difficult. Barriers to interaction included family members eating in different rooms, children constantly getting out of their seat, parents prioritizing getting children to eat or stay at the table, and having a parent at work when children were hungry for dinner. While parents felt that the television and tablets should be off during dinner, a few participants described using screens with meals to manage children’s behavior or for entertainment. Two mothers commented “we’ll start the meal with her conversing, but when Jenny’s done kind of talking about her day, then she’ll put on Netflix” and “we are mostly in the living room. It is sad to say ‘Yes, in front of the TV’ but that is us.”

The timing of the dinner meal varied widely across families and was influenced by parent perceptions of when children were hungry, the timing of afternoon activities, children’s bedtimes, and what time parents got home from work. One mother said,

Growing up we always sat together at the dinner table and we always ate together. That is something that has been really hard for me as a mom to do since there are a lot of different people . . . They are being picked up by the babysitter and then my husband gets home late. I am hungry, I have to eat. I can’t wait for him until eight o’clock. But, I think that is one of the things that is very important to me. But, we haven’t been able to follow through with it just because of the crazy schedules.

To reduce the chaos associated with getting dinner on the table, some parents planned meals or cooked several days in advance or served pre-packaged, convenience foods for dinner. Parents reported that they “do something like cereal for dinner because there just isn’t time for anything else,” “make something really simple or I’ll pick something up,” “use the crock pot a lot” “more or less plan it [dinner] during the week, when I go shopping for groceries,” and “[prepare] an easy casserole that we can make the night before and pop it the oven when we get home.”

Ensuring intake of an adequate volume of food

Most parents reported that they regularly used different strategies at dinnertime to encourage children to eat a greater volume of food. This included (a) verbal coaxing and pressuring with phrases such as “you need to eat” and “sit down and finish your food,” (b) rewards and bribes (primarily dessert), (c) rules, such as not allowing children to leave the table until they are finished eating, and (d) catering to the child’s likes and dislikes. For example, parents reported routinely “bribing” their children: “you have to eat everything and then you can have a cookie” or “take three more bites or we can’t play after dinner.”

Short-order cooking, in which parents prepared separate or modified meals for their children based on the child’s preferences, was a commonly reported strategy to encourage intake. The primary driver of short-order cooking was parents’ fear that children would not consume an adequate amount of food in the evening. Short-order cooking routines ranged from habitual daily preparation of separate “back-up” meals for children to short-order cooking only under specific circumstances. These circumstances included short-order cooking only if children didn’t like or rejected the primary meal, children ate at least some of the primary meal first, the primary meal was not perceived to be appropriate for children (e.g., too spicy), or the child preferred to eat something that the parents perceived to be healthier than the primary meal. In response to a question about whether she prepares separate meals for her daughter, one mother responded,

Sometimes I will, if she doesn’t like anything we eat. I will fix her something she likes just so I know she eats. Which I don’t see the harm in that. I’m not gonna sit there and force her to eat something.

In contrast, a few parents reported that they do not short-order cook as part of their daily routine, especially if parents were serving meals that children had consumed on previous occasions.

You don’t just tell your mom one day that you don’t like chicken when she knows she has given you chicken before. Yes. You are going to eat this or if you don’t, you are going to be hungry.

Some parents planned family meals around their child’s preferences and only prepared meals for the family that they knew their children would eat. Yet parents did not perceive this as short-order cooking because everyone in the family was consuming the same meal.

Ensuring intake of a variety of foods

To encourage children to eat a greater variety of food, parents reported that their routines included (a) verbal encouragement and pressuring with phrases such as “just try it” and “don’t you want to be healthy,” (b) rewards (primarily dessert), or (c) modifying or “hiding” the food (e.g., serving vegetables in a smoothie). However, most parents were satisfied if their children took one bite of a new or less preferred food, and parents subsequently suspended their efforts.

Sometimes when I offer him new food, he will look at it and be like, “No, I don’t like it.” I try to encourage him like, “You haven’t tried it. You don’t know if you don’t like it.” I try to remind him that he needs to try it first to see if he likes it or not. Sometimes it takes coaxing if it is something really green or really abnormal for him, but he will generally try it. If he doesn’t like it, I am like, “That is fine. You don’t have to eat anymore, but thank you for trying it. That was really brave.”

Many parents reported that children would eat a small amount of the dinner meal, and then request “second dinner” later in the evening because they were still hungry. Some parents set rules that children were not allowed to eat between dinner and bedtime unless they consumed the primary meal, but then subsequently provided food later in the evening, even if children did not consume the primary meal.

When asked about variation in the daily routine between weekdays and weekends, participants reported significant variation in eating habits. Weekends were characterized by more frequent intake of convenience foods and restaurant meals; two meals a day (brunch and dinner) or all-day snacking instead of three meals; and less frequent intake of meals at the table. Even though many parents worked for paid employment on the weekends, some participants reported that weekends were “the only time we all eat together.” This variation reflected the pervasive view that weekends are an opportunity to recover from the stressful week and take a break from usual eating routines. Specifically, participants described weekends as “lazy,” “cheat days,” “free-for-all,” “less pressure,” and “fend for yourself.”

Fostering good nutrition

Parents valued good nutrition. For parents, good nutrition was characterized by diets high in fruits and vegetables and low in sugars and fats, and consumption of locally produced foods and fresh versus “processed foods.” Attitudes about sugar and fat were shaped, in part, by parents’ own experiences with chronic illness or a family history of obesity, diabetes, or cardiovascular disease. Many families reported consuming vegetables from gardens and eggs from chicken coops located in their backyard.

Fostering a good relationship with food

Parents described wanting their children to have a good relationship with food. This included wanting their children to eat without being bribed (despite reporting heavy use of bribes), make healthy choices, develop good habits early in life, respond to hunger and satiety cues, and avoid constant snacking or requesting food in response to boredom.

Value of family togetherness at mealtime

Parents had goals and values related to the social aspects of mealtime. Parents placed a high value on eating together as a family in the evening and saw dinnertime as an opportunity for family togetherness.

Mealtime norms

All parents had some ideal image of what family mealtimes should be like and how preschoolers should eat. For most families, this included enjoyable conversation (even though this was reported to be challenging) and having everyone eating the same food, in the same place, at the same time. Several parents introduced the topic of television or other technology devices at mealtime into the interview. A few families had rules about not engaging with screens during meals, or only using screens under special circumstances. Of the parents who mentioned television or device use at dinnertime, all but one perceived it as a negative practice because it interfered with family interaction.

Expectations of preschool-aged children

In terms of how children should eat, most parents felt that preschoolers were either “good eaters” or “picky eaters.” Parents distinguished good eaters from picky eaters based on the volume and variety of food consumed and whether children were “easy to feed.” Participants provided examples of good eating among children: eating without being pressured, consuming foods they do not like, eating whatever is served, willingness to eat multiple cuisines, eating less preferred foods before more preferred foods, and trying new foods. In contrast, children were considered picky eaters if they only ate “basic” foods or a narrow range of foods, ate small quantities, needed to be bribed to eat, readily ate snacks but not meals, or regularly refused new foods.

Parenting norms related to children’s eating

One area where participants did not have consensus was related to “who’s in charge” at dinnertime. Some parents felt that adults should set the rules regarding eating location and the foods that are served and manage the amount and type of food that children eat. Parents who ascribed to an adults-in-charge point of view reported that, “I make the rules,” “I don’t give options,” “You need to do what I say,” “I wouldn’t let him protest,” “They are not your choices,” and “My house is not a restaurant.”

For those who felt that children’s wishes should dictate decisions about dinner, their perspective was based on the idea that the types of food served at dinner should be primarily driven by children’s food preferences, and the timing of children’s food intake throughout the day should be dictated by their hunger cues. Parents reported that, “I’ll offer him something and if he says no I won’t even bother,” “If she wants something different she will tell us, and we will give it to her,” “We stay around what he likes,” and “I just wait for him to tell me when he’s hungry.” One mother said,

So, I don’t make him eat what I made. It’s him telling me what he wants to eat. Probably that’s not a good thing to do, but because he’s such a picky eater, that’s the reason why I let him, because I can’t force him to eat.

Family dinners

Participants reported feeling positive when the actual family routine was consistent with participants’ goals. This included a sense of accomplishment when children accepted new foods or enjoyed foods that were served for dinner or when the family could sit down to dinner together. In fact, in response to questions about the best part of mealtime or the part of the day that makes them most happy, many parents reported that they most enjoy family togetherness at dinner. This may be because, for parents who worked outside the home, dinner was one of the few opportunities they had on weekdays to eat meals as a family. Parents’ motivation to eat dinner as a family was also shaped by nostalgia parents had for how they were raised themselves and, among a few parents, the feeling that eating as a family at dinner was in the best interest of their children.

Social isolation

Mothers reported feeling socially isolated, especially in the context of parenting young children. In reference to living in Eastern Colorado mothers said, “it is very lonely,” “I was really depressed when we first moved here,” “I don’t have a lot of friends,” and “I don’t know anybody around here.” In reference to parenting or being a stay-at-home parent, mothers said, “nobody really understands,” “finding my place within the school is difficult,” and “staying at home is very challenging, you don’t get your friend time.”

Parental response when goals were not achieved

In contrast, when the actual family routine did not match participants’ goals, participants reported feelings of sadness or failure. One example is when children rejected food or when parents felt children weren’t consuming an adequate or healthy diet.

[My son says] “I don’t want anything, so I’m not going to eat,” and I tell them it’s okay, if you don’t want to eat, that’s okay. And that as a mother, for your child not to eat makes you worried. Even though I tell them that it doesn’t bother me or I don’t care, but it makes me feel bad.

Several parents felt conflicted about pressuring their child to eat. Some parents reported that rewards were effective in managing children’s eating behavior, but parents hoped that children would eat without being “bribed” or pressured to eat. When asked about her hopes for her preschool daughter’s eating, one mother said,

To continue to eat because she is one that I have to be, like, push her to eat because if it was up to her she would take a bite and run and be done. And then come back two hours later and ‘I’m hungry, I’m hungry’. Like even now, if I tell her she can have a piece of candy when she’s done eating, she will clean her plate. But if I don’t offer that candy she’ll take one bite and be like, ‘I’m done.’ So I want her to continue to eat and not have to be bribed to eat.

In addition to the feelings associated with feeding their children, mothers described feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and anxiety associated with their overall parenting. Mothers reported feeling guilty about being separated from their children when they were at work, and most mothers would have preferred to work fewer hours to spend more time with their children. Though several mothers reported that paid employment provided a sense of self-worth and purpose, most women with paid professional responsibilities felt overwhelmed by the dual responsibility of earning the income they needed and fulfilling their role as mother. Mothers said, “I tend to get anxiety when I need to work but the kids need me too,” “you have so much on your shoulders that you have to worry about,” and “sometimes I feel like they [children] don’t get the attention or what they need from me because I’m not present.”

Despite their dedication to their children, women gave examples of how their deep investment in supporting their families’ needs over their own needs led to a diminished sense of self, including sacrificing their own interests or professional ambitions. One stay-at-home mom said,

Two sons is a lot of work, especially when they are small, they are a lot of work. There is hardly any time for ourselves, almost as if being a woman, you forget about yourself and you dedicate yourself more to the food, to your husband, to your kids, and that’s how a lot of women are. I mean it doesn’t have to be, but it does happen that we forget about ourselves.

Many women also described feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and anxiety about not fulfilling their role as a mother. During the interviews, mothers posed questions such as, “What am I doing wrong?” and “Why can’t it just be smooth sailing for once?” To describe their parenting, mothers used words and phrases such as “nagging,” “easily frustrated,” “impatient,” “anxious,” “super nervous about everything,” “worry too much,” and “helicopter mom.” These self-assessments related to both eating-related routines and overall parenting.