Navigating Shared Custody With Young Children: A Qualitative Study of Fathers’ Experiences

Divorce and Shared Custody in the Portuguese Context

Despite divorce being more frequent and accepted in society in recent decades, it is still described as a stressor event for the family system (Amato, 2010; Lebow, 2019, 2020), with the potential to generate psychological distress for parents and children (Emery, 2016; Härkönen et al., 2017; McIntosh et al., 2014). The way parents deal with custody issues and parenting practices during the separation process is crucial for the child’s adjustment (Baude et al., 2016). For example, when the post-divorce father actively engages to be involved in the daily routine of the children (e.g., taking them to school, preparing meals, grocery shopping, helping with homework), it results in benefits for the child’s development (Augustijn, 2021; Baker, 2017; Fagan, 2023; Neppl et al., 2019). Thus, what becomes most relevant for the child’s well-being are the factors related to the context of divorce, rather than the fact of divorce per se (Bauserman, 2012; Härkönen et al., 2017), such as the different forms of involvement of the divorced father in childcare (Fagan, 2023).

In Portugal, the legal framework of divorce seeks to promote shared custody as a resource to minimize the negative consequences of divorce on children (Coelho & de Oliveira, 2016). Shared custody can be defined as equality in responsibilities between men and women in caring for their children, which establishes the child’s residence and the rules for interaction with the other parent, foreseeing that the child spends at least 30% of their time with each of their parents (Decreto de Lei n.° 65/2020 de Assembleia da República, 2020). The shared custody agreement also covers other conditions related to the child’s interest, for example, school selection, organization of vacations, and management of extracurricular activities (Botelho, 2015; Ribeiro, 2019).

Unlike other European countries (e.g., Sweden, Belgium), where shared custody has been established for a longer period and is prevalent in most divorce cases (Hakovirta et al., 2023), shared custody in Portugal is relatively recent. It was first introduced in 2008, but only the 2020 revision to the law emphasized shared parental responsibilities as the preferred arrangement (Decreto de Lei n.° 65/2020 de Assembleia da República, 2020). However, despite this legal preference, shared custody is only present in 20% of cases, partly because the decision still depends on judicial discretion and whether the case proceeds to court. Additionally, societal adaptation to this model has been gradual. Given the recent nature of these changes, we aim to understand how these fathers perceive and navigate shared custody, with a focus on the transition to a new way of coparenting and the reorganization of their routines.

Involvement of the Divorced Father in Childcare

Divorced fathers with shared custody face unique challenges and opportunities in redefining their roles as active caregivers in post-divorce (Bauserman, 2012; Lebow, 2019). While traditional fathering roles often emphasize discipline and authority, contemporary expectations extend to logistical and relational aspects of childcare, requiring fathers to show presence, affection, and active engagement in their children’s lives (Cabrera et al., 2018; Diniz et al., 2021; Doucet, 2006; Palkovitz, 2019). Father involvement, particularly in the context of shared custody, can be divided into three components: (a) direct interaction, which represents time spent directly with the child in activities such as feeding, helping with homework, and playing; (b) accessibility, which corresponds to activities with less direct interaction, but where fathers are accessible for direct interaction with the child, such as preparing dinner in the kitchen while the child plays nearby; and (c) responsibility, which is characterized by the responsibilities the parent assumes regarding the child and their well-being, such as scheduling pediatric appointments and ensuring their presence at those appointments (Pleck, 2010). These components provide a framework for understanding how divorced fathers balance caregiving responsibilities, offering insights into the dynamics of shared custody and their impact on paternal involvement. However, this model was later revised by Cabrera and colleagues (Cabrera et al., 2014). The updated model describes how fathering is influenced by personal (e.g., motivation), relational (e.g., coparenting), and social aspects (e.g., socioeconomic resources). Accordingly, the motivation to be involved in the child’s life (Grzybowski & Wagner, 2010), and the quality of the relationship between the father and the child’s mother (Adamsons & Pasley, 2013; Rejaän et al., 2022) are crucial to father involvement. Moreover, social aspects, like balancing work and caregiving responsibilities without a coparental partner are critical to fathering (Gatrell et al., 2015, 2022; Philip, 2013). Another relevant social aspect can be socioeconomic status (SES), since divorced father’s involvement is very related to their income and educational level (Fagan, 2021; Kulik & Sadeh, 2015). Parents who are more educated and economically advantaged tend to spend more time caring for their children across various cultures (Furstenberg, 2014; Henz, 2019; Parke & Cookston, 2019), while low-income divorced fathers often report that their full involvement is hindered by economic circumstances (Waller, 2009). The interplay between individual, relational, and social factors offers a nuanced lens to explore how fathers adapt their roles in response to changing circumstances, such as divorce and shared custody, while maintaining their involvement with their child.

Coparenting Challenges in Divorced Parents

Following a divorce, parents transition from being romantic partners to engaging as coparental companions (Lamela & Figueiredo, 2016). Coparenting emerges as a concept to define how parental figures organize themselves as caregivers regarding issues related to child-rearing and decision-making (Feinberg, 2003; Margolin et al., 2001). The development of a cooperative relationship—that is, regular and quality communication between parents who support and respect each other—between divorced parents is essential to ensure a better quality of life and well-being for the children (Kalmijn, 2016; Rejaän et al., 2022). However, in the first years after a divorce, parents are often involved in resolving issues related to the end of their marital relationship, such as individualization of financial resources and housing, stabilization of routines, stress, fears, and feelings of hurt due to the end of a relationship (Adamsons & Pasley, 2013; Bauserman, 2012). These challenges can lead to conflictual coparenting—characterized by regular but hostile and competitive communication, where parents act as adversaries rather than a team—or triangulated coparenting, marked by poor communication about child-related issues, potentially resulting in a breakdown of coparenting and the formation of parent-child alliances (Margolin et al., 2001). A poor coparenting relationship can affect the quality of parenting (Neppl et al., 2019; Schoppe-Sullivan et al., 2022; Sturge-Apple et al., 2017) and demands emotional adjustment from the children (Kalmijn, 2016; Lizarazu & Cracco, 2021). Ideally, parents should be able to establish a cooperative coparenting, which protects the child’s development, promoting higher levels of well-being, greater self-esteem, fewer emotional symptoms, better health status, and fewer internalizing and externalizing problems (Neppl et al., 2019; Nielsen, 2011; Oliveira & Crepaldi, 2018).

Building on this foundation, we aimed to explore the dynamics of coparenting among divorced fathers with shared custody. Specifically, by analyzing their narratives, the study seeks to gain a deeper understanding of fathers’ experiences in their fathering role and in reorganizing the post-divorce coparenting relationship.

The Present Study

Given the complexity of the paternal role in contemporary families, specifically in divorced couples, it becomes important to understand the father’s perspective regarding his involvement in childcare and the impact of non-conjugal coparenting in this new reality. The divorce of parents can be a critical period for the entire family, with a special impact on children, who are developing their socioemotional capacities, and thus are more sensitive to the emotional state of their parents (e.g., Olson et al., 2017).

Quantitative studies show that father involvement is of utmost importance for child development (Diniz et al., 2021); however, there is a gap in the literature regarding qualitative studies focusing on the father’s perception of adapting his parental role in the post-divorce period (Diniz et al., 2023). The paternal figure as the primary caregiver has only recently been the subject of study, resulting in the predominance of methodologies developed with a focus on the maternal figure (Volling & Palkovitz, 2021). Thus, qualitative studies allow for a better understanding of concepts and experiences related to parenthood in divorced fathers, which are not easily captured by quantitative studies and may be overlooked by the scientific community (e.g., Abdullah Kamal, 2019). Therefore, this study aims to add literature on how divorced fathers experience the share custody arrangement. Specifically, it will investigate (1) how fathers perceive their role in shared custody; (2) the transition to a new way of coparenting; and (3) the challenges to reorganize their routine in the context of shared custody.

Method

Results and Discussion

From the analysis of the interviews, four themes were identified: (1) Gaining multiplicity in the father’s role; (2) The decision of shared custody and children’s socioemotional adjustment; (3) The ideal of cooperative coparenting; and (4) The emotional overload of fathers in shared custody. Each of these themes will be presented below, illustrated with participants’ statements.

Conclusion

The present study aimed to understand how divorced fathers navigate shared custody, through individual interviews. Findings contribute to existing theoretical models (Cabrera et al., 2014; Pleck, 2010) by providing empirical evidence that underscores the multifaceted nature of father involvement. First, fathers demonstrate responsibility for their children’s care and recognize the benefits of having both parental figures present during children’s development. We observed that these divorced fathers were involved through direct interaction, accessibility, and described sense of responsibility concerning their children routines and well-being (Pleck, 2010). Additionally, fathers offered a great emphasis on cooperative coparenting for the well-being of the children, underscoring the crucial role of a supportive environment in their development (Cabrera et al., 2014). Finally, the shared custody arrangement was shown to be a source of reinforcement and renewal in post-divorce paternal involvement, despite the challenge of emotional overload.

Fathers revealed how the separation process introduced changes at various levels, involving redefinitions of parental roles and coparenting, and identified some of its challenges (Pardo et al., 2020; Westphal et al., 2014). They described how shared custody compelled them to transform their daily routines, particularly by investing more in various aspects of childcare, accumulating them with professional responsibilities.

Even though the balance between work and family is often presented as disruptive for parenting, this was not emphasized among our sample (Burnett et al., 2013; Gatrell et al., 2015, 2022). These differences may be due to the specific characteristics of our participants, who typically had some degree of flexibility in their work arrangements. Flexible work has been addressed as an important aspect of decreasing parental burden (Fagan, 2021; Kulik & Sadeh, 2015). However, we may also think that during interviews fathers may want to focus on emotional aspects related to care, rather than professional aspects, due to the increasing value men are putting in family care (Gatrell et al., 2015, 2022). While the effort of these fathers to be involved in childcare must be recognized, it is also important to remember the external aspects that facilitate these fathers’ involvement, such as work flexibility (Gatrell et al., 2015, 2022; Philip, 2013), and a high socioeconomic status (Fagan, 2021; Kulik & Sadeh, 2015), that may enhance their involvement as fathers. Thus, these results should be interpreted with caution, as fathers in different socioeconomic contexts may face additional challenges to active involvement, namely by lack of time and housing conditions (Furstenberg, 2014; Henz, 2019; Parke & Cookston, 2019).

Another relevant finding was how fathers valued cooperative coparenting (N. Cabrera et al., 2014; Neppl et al., 2019). The interviews suggested that despite the coparenting challenges, establishing positive forms of coparenting emerged as a goal of all parents, but some were still limited due to communication barriers between ex-spouses (Fagan, 2021). However, fathers who were divorced for longer periods revealed a gradual ability to separate the marital sphere from the parental one to ensure cooperative coparenting (Amato, 2010; Härkönen et al., 2017). The fathers from our sample seemed to be aware of the negative consequences of negative forms (e.g., conflict) of coparenting can have on their child, and thus try to develop a cooperative coparenting with the ex-spouse.

Finally, fathers reflected on the burdens and challenges related to being a single parent, in full charge of their children, even if for shorter periods (typically, one week). Their descriptions uncover some of the emotional states related to shared custody, namely by missing their children and being worried about the consequences of a “half-period parenting” to the quality of the relationship with their children. These reflections uncover how these fathers reflect a “new fatherhood” (Cabrera et al., 2018) by embracing aspects typically associated with mothers. This finding offers a deeper understanding about the multiple emotions and experiences that may be involved in shared custody, that may not be easily captured by quantitative studies. By exploring them we ensure that they are not overlooked by the scientific community (Abdullah Kamal, 2019).

In conclusion, the four themes provided novel insights about fathering in the context of divorce, specifically shared custody. Participants highlighted the multifaceted roles and emotions they assume as single parents during their custodial times, underscoring the broader and more complex demands they face (Brandth & Kvande, 2018; Miller, 2010). We believe that these findings provide valuable nuance to existing literature and offer a fresh perspective on the evolving roles of fathers in shared custody arrangements (Cabrera et al., 2018; Abdullah Kamal, 2019). One of the key theoretical contributions lies in broadening the qualitative understanding of paternal experiences (Volling & Palkovitz, 2021). Our findings highlight how fathers begin to experience aspects traditionally associated with mothers, such as mental load and concerns about the child’s development (Brandth & Kvande, 2018; Miller, 2011). This perspective challenges traditional gendered assumptions about parenting roles and contributes to the theoretical discourse by suggesting that fathers, too, navigate these dimensions of caregiving. Such insights can inform future research and theoretical frameworks that aim to integrate a more inclusive understanding of parental experiences across genders.

Limitations and Implications

Despite the relevance of the results, some limitations should be mentioned. Firstly, the homogeneity and reduced size of our sample may reflect the limitations of recruitment. Snowball sampling was employed to recruit participants; while this method was effective in reaching suitable informants, it limits the diversity of the sample and may also introduce potential biases in participants’ selection (Stratton, 2023). Furthermore, the time constraints associated with this research, as it forms part of a Master’s thesis, limit the time to reach additional participants. Nevertheless, we believe that, despite sample size, our sample allows to deeper the understanding about fathering in shared custody, aligning with the principles of information power, which suggests that the adequacy of a sample is determined by the richness and relevance of the data rather than its size (Malterud et al., 2016).

Also, the four interviewed fathers belong to the same socioeconomic status, as they were predominantly parents with a higher level of education, living in Portuguese metropolitan areas, and professionally employed with above-average income. The homogeneity and size of the sample limit the generalization of the results to other contexts. This is particularly important as divorced fathers with low income may be less involved with their children due to several challenges: economic constraints and housing instability can limit their ability to provide a stable environment (Fagan, 2021; Waller, 2009); work demands often require long hours or multiple jobs, reducing available time (Futris & Schoppe-Sullivan, 2007; Linnenberg, 2012); legal and custodial issues, compounded by financial difficulties, can further restrict their involvement; transportation barriers, social stigma, and a lack of support systems; and stress, mental health issues, and limited access to educational resources hinder their capacity to engage effectively with their children (Coley & Hernandez, 2006). Thus, future research should explore shared custody processes in parents from different socioeconomic backgrounds, especially those less privileged.

Second, all interviewed fathers proactively established shared custody and alternate residence arrangements at the onset of the separation process. This joint initiative for shared custody could have minimized conflicts during divorce and fostered the development of positive coparenting dynamics. Future studies should explore involvement in parents whose shared custody decision was not a parental initiative but rather legal. A third limitation is interviewing fathers at a single time point. It is important to understand how paternal involvement, coparenting, and shared custody evolve during the child’s development through longitudinal studies.

Fourth, the interviews duration was relatively short for qualitative research, and this can be attributed to several specific factors. First, we aimed to keep the discussion concise and respectful of the fathers’ time, given their busy schedules and personal circumstances. However, during the interviews fathers explicitly said that they had never reflected on these issues before, which made it difficult for them to elaborate during the interviews. This may reflect how little space they had to talk about their experiences, limiting their ability to communicate. Additionally, the interviews were conducted via video call during the COVID-19 pandemic, which in some cases seemed to hinder the creation of a more open and comfortable environment. It is also important to note that some participants were in a particularly sensitive phase, such as after a recent divorce, which may have affected the depth of their responses. Despite these limitations, we believe that the material collected was rich enough to address the research questions.

Our findings allow us to uncover how divorced fathers with shared custody are engaged in their parental roles, being aware of its benefits for the child. This type of parenting reflects a decrease in gender roles in performing parental functions (Allport et al., 2018). It is worth noting that, besides father involvement being important for the child, fathers also benefit from feeling greater well-being in participating in their children’s development. The study enriches the literature by offering a nuanced understanding of fatherhood, emphasizing the importance of context in fathering roles, and suggesting pathways for fostering positive coparenting and greater paternal engagement. The results are important for raising awareness among families, health professionals, and legal practitioners, as well as for promoting public policies that strengthen paternal responsibilities after divorce.