The Role of Religion and Religious Leaders in Marital Conflict Resolution: A Perspective of Congolese Migrants’ Families Living in Durban,South Africa

Literature Review

In this section, researcher explained how marital conflict is defined and distinguished from other forms of domestic conflicts. Firstly, marital conflict is defined as “physical, psychological, verbal and/or sexual abuse, used to dominate and control an intimate partner” (Han et al., 2010, p. 372). Physical abuse includes biting, yelling, choking, pushing, stalking, intimidation, and damage to property (Bandall, 2010; Han et al., 2010). Merry (2009, p. 141) advances that marital conflict is “psychological and verbal violence includes insult, humiliation, name-calling, driving by a person’s house, threatening with knife or gun, harassment and calling out insulting words,” for instance, telling a women that she is fat and useless and other forms of verbal assault that affect one’s self-esteem. Similarly, Bandall (2010) advances that marital conflict in couples’ relationships does not only happen to women but can also happen to the men. Moreover, according to Smith (1989), marital conflict or violence is any crime committed in an intimate relationship which is characterized by acts of violence, power, and coercion in order to try and control the other partner’s behavior at home. Smith (1989) and Bendall (2010) further contend that both females and males can be both victims and perpetrators of marital conflict.

Marital conflict is distinguished from domestic conflict in the sense that domestic conflict is any act of abuse and violence that takes place at home to anyone. In other words, it means that any act of abuse and violence can happen to the children at home, parents, and other members of the family (Merry, 2009).

A study conducted by Han et al. (2010) reports that all the forms of behavior cited above are experienced by families worldwide including migrant families from a variety of cultures (p. 370). Studies conducted on family conflicts show that more women are victims of physical abuse than men. The findings from these studies also demonstrate that women are significantly more likely to report being victims of physical abuse than men (Arias & Corso, 2005; Espin, 2010; Han et al., 2010:371; Kiwanuka, 2010). Espin adds that immigrant women often experience higher incidences of interpersonal violence than nonimmigrant women because their relationships are often marked by severe distress due to previous trauma and the stress of relocation, isolation from families (Espin, 2010, p. 7). This information is supported by findings from a study conducted in the United States among immigrant families which shows that 95% of victims of domestic conflicts are women (Espin, 2010, p. 8).

Numerous studies have demonstrated that there is close relationship between migration and marital conflict. Guruge et al., (2010) argue that migration to a new country creates a major life change that can probably directly and indirectly affect the relationships of a given couple. However, there are two contradictory opinions.

Scholars, who support the argument that migration has negative effects on migrating families and couples, argue that migration can increase tensions between family members and couples, as a result of stressful situations in migrant families. Relocating to a new country comes with many challenges, for example, learning a new language, finding secure employment, and adjusting to a new culture. Therefore, migrant couples are expected to experience more marital conflict than nonmigrant couples (Agbaw, 2009; Hartman & Hartman, 1986; Lee, 2015).

In this study, it is apparent that the economic condition that Congolese migrant families in Durban have to endure is a major challenge. They have to contend with unemployment in South Africa, which they had also faced in their home country. It is believed that in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC), the level of unemployment is 80% (Barker & Ricardo, 2005). Despite higher levels of unemployment in their home country, Congolese families rely on the support from extended families and friends whom they do not have access in South Africa. The findings demonstrate that unemployment among Congolese migrant is not only defined in terms of the lack of financial means but also the lack of family support in terms of uncertainty. It is worth noting that the level of unemployment among Congolese migrants is not the result of limited level of education, but a result of exclusion embedded in the South African government legislative and institutional structure. As seen the finding of this study, the majority of Congolese migrant who participated in this study have formal education, are largely unemployed, and those who claim to work are employed in the informal sector or self-employed. This means that unemployment among Congolese migrant families in Durban is linked with their migration status and not their level of education. With regard to migration status, mostly of Congolese migrant who participated in this study are asylum seekers and refugees. Despite Congolese migrant being recognized as legal in South Africa, they have limited access to many opportunities including employment. Participant’s statement reads:

In our community, everyone is stressed. The head of the house is stressed, the wife is stressed, and children are stressed. You know the economic condition of refugees here in South Africa is very bad. You can wake up and you do not know where to get bread. From 20th of every month, the head start to get hot. You do not know where to get the rent. It is not like those people who are employed and you know month end you will get paid and pay rent, but for us nothing. When you are stressed, your husband is stressed and children are stressed, what else do you expect? What will follow will just be conflict, wife fighting with her husband, and mother fighting with children all because of the stress. (Congolese married man 3, 2018)

There are a number of factors influencing rebuilding new relationships among migrant families who weren’t united in their country of origin. These factors include adjustment in the new country, isolation from extended family, increase in intimacy, and mutual reliance (Guruge, 2007; Hyman et al., 2008). In the case of Congolese migrant families living in Durban and according to the findings from this study, it is important noting that migration does not only increase tension or marital conflict among couples, but in some cases, it brought couples together and enabled family solidarity and interdependence. For instance, a Congolese married woman participant expressed her gratitude in migrating to South Africa. She expressed that herself and her husband had experienced marital conflict in their home country, but since moving to South Africa, they now work together and are able to take care of the family collectively. This case shows that some of the participants have seen migration as being positive despite the economic and social isolation they have to face in South Africa. In the case of this woman, she believed that members of their extended family and friends influenced the behavior of her husband, and since her husband is no longer with these members of extended family and friends, he “can now make decision on his own” (Congolese married women 2, 2018).

Approaches to Marital Conflict Resolution in the Context of Migration

Migrants use different methods in dealing with family conflict in the host country. These methods include sharing of tasks by several members of the household. Additionally, assistance of family members is used by migrants as an important source of economic viability, especially for families who have limited financial resources. These methods are found to be helpful in reducing family conflicts and bringing about unity among members of the family (Johnson, 1998). Another method used by migrants in the host country as a solution to difficulties is creating social networks. These are networks created based on kinship ties that are helpful in time of financial difficulties “Reciprocal help, inherent in kin-based households, is expected in these variant households” (Kibria, 1993, p. 5). In the context of traditions in African countries, which do not necessarily apply to all global countries, the conflicts are settled through extended family structures. The head of the family initiates the process for resolving domestic conflict by playing the role of facilitator. He talks to both sides, listens to their concerns, uses his wisdom to convince each side to stop fighting, and advises them on how to resolve their differences (Olaoba et al., 2010, p. 37). Separated from extended family, migrant families develop new methods of dealing with daily challenges, including conflicts. One of the approaches which families develop is to increase migrant networks. Networks are sets of social ties formed on the basis of kinship, migrants’ churches organization, and common origin. These become the source of reliance in times of difficulties including conflicts. This article is focused on the role of religion and migrants’ churches in particular in marital conflict resolution. This has been chosen because religious systems of meaning include a variety of messages that religion and church holds for many aspects include marriage.

Roles of Religious Leaders in Marital Conflict Resolution

A number of studies state that religion and religious leaders played critical roles in marital conflict resolution. Over the last two decades, religious leaders have importantly been actors in resolving regional, international, and community conflict. Religious leaders also known as individuals who assist the religious communities in guidance of the theological believes and spiritual values, they also believed that the bible as the inerrant Word of God and the answer of the important human problems including family matters (Bercovitch & Kadayifci-Orellana, 2009; Vaaler et al., 2009).

Religious leaders, as the moral and spiritual guides in their communities, are highly respected and their opinions are generally held in high regard within their communities. These leaders know the history and the traditions of the parties, and they also know the physical and emotional needs of their communities. Therefore, they are better equipped to reach out to the people. Lederach (1997) argued that the third-party intervention as a mediator must be the person whom is trusted and seen as legitimate by both parties in the conflict and an insider who knows the conflict and the parties well. In the case of religious leaders as mediators in this matter, they are considered as persons well known in their communities and their religion or organization. These leaders may utilize religious texts, values, rituals, and prayers as strategies in their approach to mediation. Their activities may include religious services, guidance, and counseling on family matters for their faith groups or they may operate only among their own religious communities or their activities might not include religious services and they may be operating among communities regardless of their religious affiliation (Bercovitch & Kadayifci-Orellana, 2009, p. 190; Haynes, 2009). These religious guidance and counseling on family matters may help to address relationship problems, promote persistence, and constrain separation or divorce (Bercovitch & Kadayifci-Orellana, 2009). Haynes (2009) states that the intervention of the third parties such as a religious leaders assisted in family it may have a good result when both conflictual parties adhere to similar religious views of the above goals, and their relative priority over other purposes of marriage, this may facilitate harmony and be useful to the mediator than those couples in which partners are quite different from religious views. Vaaler et al. (2009, p. 921) found that individuals (and couples) who share similar religious views and attend religious services regularly may also “enjoy a richer spiritual life, seeking to internalize and enact religiously inspired virtues of love, altruism, caring, and self-sacrifice within their marital and family relationships. Bercovitc and Orellana (2009) and Blank et al. (2002) conclude that religion and religious leaders provide important role in family issue.

Bercovitc and Kadayifci-Orellana (2009) emphasize that the religion and religious leaders, its role in particular in the peace process, play the role of mediator. Blank et al. (2002, p. 1668) add that religious leaders and counselors provide critical role of prevention and treatment-oriented programs, which contribute importantly to congregants’ psychological and physical well-being of them. Furthermore, their paper state that these services provided by the religious leaders and counselors include substance abuse assistance as well as the health screenings, education, and support to underserved or marginalized persons associated with the association. The finding from the above studies shown that the support provided by religious leaders and counselors were effective in fostering positive change in receiver of services.

Research Methodology

This is a qualitative study, employing an interpretive approach. The key focus of qualitative approach was employed in data collection and analysis. The interpretative method assisted the researcher to grasp a clear picture and understand more fully the interpretation of experiences and variations in participants’ responses from their own context and experiences (Ulin et al., 2002). Neuman (2000, p. 207) explains qualitative research methods as,

Any social science research that produces results that are not obtained by statistical procedures or other methods of quantification. Some of the data may be quantified, but the analysis is qualitative. It can refer to research about people’s lives, their stories, and behavior and it can also used to examine organizations, relationships, and social movements.

Findings

The finding from this study shown that the religion and religious leaders play a very critical role in marital conflict resolution among Congolese migrant families living in Durban. In line with traditions in African countries, which do not necessarily apply to all global countries, the conflicts are settled through extended family structures. The head of the family initiates the process for resolving domestic conflict by playing the role of facilitator. He talks to both sides, listens to their concerns, uses his wisdom to convince each side to stop fighting, and advises them on how to resolve their differences (Olaoba et al., 2010, p. 37).

While marital conflict resolution is settled through extended family structures headed by the head of the family in the country of origin, church leadership has replaced this in the host country. During analysis of the findings, it was apparent that when people are in a foreign country they try to find people whom they can rely on, trust, and seek advice during difficult times such as in times of economic difficulties and family conflicts. The findings have shown that church leaders and church counselors were seen as most trusted persons who can give lasting solution to marital conflict. Not only that they able to provide advice, but according to the participants, they also offer counseling and follow-up on progress of marital relationship. Participant’s statement reads:

When a wife and her husband are not able to solve their own problem. They need help if they want to continue with their marital relationship. You will find that most of them have already children together and it is difficult to separate. As you know, in a foreign country you have no parents, uncles, or grandparents to whom you can run to, but the church is there for everyone. In most of cases, if a husband and his wife cannot resolve their differences, they then seek help from a church leader. You know, church leaders are more confidential. They do not only help deal with your conflict problem with your partner, but at the end of the problem, they also give psychological and emotional support to both the wife and the husband. The only problem is when you find that the wife is going to the church while the husband is not going. Church leader after assisted couples to resolve their matters, they also make a follow-up and always invite couple for meetings and they do home visits and this help the couple to rebuild their relationship and move forward with their lives. (Congolese married men 4, 2018)

Participants indicated that while mediation has been useful in settling marital conflicts among Congolese migrant families in Durban, it still also faces some challenges. One of the indicated challenges is the acceptance of both parties involved in the conflict to opt for mediation as means to resolve their differences. Brand-Facobsen and Facobsen (2005, p. 51) have found that mediation is possible and effective when the two conflicting parties are willing to participate in the process and the choice of the mediator is agreed upon by conflicting parties. Examining how communication was used by these religious leaders in resolving marital conflict among DRC’s families living in Durban, the findings from these respondents believed that there is a little space for communication between wife and husband. While there are social and economic issues affecting these migrant couples, the distribution of gender power between men and women remains a challenge. When these leaders communicate with the couples on their differences, they learnt that the man has nothing to communicate with a woman on their marital issues and how they can handle it. Therefore, communication was used by these leaders to assist the couples to resolve their conflict and share their concerns and guiding the couple to collaborate on how to resolve their differences smoothly.

As noted by Best (2006, p. 17), communication is essential ingredient of peace building. It has also become a key strategy of conflict management. Most of the nonviolent methods of conflict management such as collaboration, negotiation, mediation, conciliation, arbitration, and adjudication are largely dependent on effective communication. According to Mayer (2000), when two or more people try to initiate voluntary dialogue about meeting their needs, there is a need to communicate. Communication opens space for conflicting parties to hear the views and concerns of the other party so to allow a climate of understanding and late cooperation. Better communication and dialogue can open up avenues for collaboration between couples.

Isenhart and Spangle (2000, p. 45) states that collaboration process means “the way people work together with one another in a mutually beneficial manner.” Collaborating also means working together on a number of identified common issues, which intensify communication and activities between them. Parties work together on their own to resolve their problems through “integrative negotiation” or sharing other activities. Through these methods, trust, confidence, and mutual respect are built. Wilmot and Hocker (1998, p. 194) found that collaboration is management of conflict through effective negotiation which requires listening to the other party, indicating that you understand his or her concerns, expressing your feelings, stating your points in a firm but friendly manner, linking your points to points expressed by the other party, and working toward a joint resolution that builds on ideas of both parties and addresses all concerns.

Preventive measures, mediation, and communication methods to marital conflict resolution among Congolese migrant families were introduced by both church leaders and church counselors to be effective in resolving marital conflict among this community. With regard to preventive measures, participants believed that they are more effective. Their given reason was that since those programs were introduced, they have seen a big decrease in marital conflict and divorce among their congregants.

Conclusion

This article aims to explore and examine the role of religion and church in marital conflict resolution perspective of Congolese migrant families living in Durban. The paper interviewed the church leaders and church counselor from the two selected Congolese migrant living in Durban. It is shown throughout this study that the Church plays an important role in marital conflict resolution among this migrant community, concerning the methods used by the church leaders in assisting their congregants in resolving this matter. Preventive measures, mediation, and communication methods were identified by both church leaders and church counselors as one of the methods used to resolve marital conflict among their congregants.