Parental Well-Being: Another Dimension of Adult Well-Being

Abstract

Since healthy parents are more likely to provide a fulfilling childhood to their children, it seems crucial to examine those aspects of parenthood that add to parental well-being. The present article discusses the theoretical relationship between well-being and parenting within the contemporary social and relational context by underlining how society and children play significant roles in determining parental well-being.

Keywords

parenting parental well-being parenthood attachment well-being

Background

There would be many reasons why people choose to become parents; however, it is widely accepted that being a parent is one of the major decisions that people make in their lifetimes. With a child, a couple becomes parents, and a new set of responsibilities is introduced to them. Parents are required to make certain adjustments in their lives to perform their parenting duties well.

In contemporary societies, where lives have become fast-paced, parents may find themselves pressured to teach everything to children at a very early age. They are expected to raise a child who performs well in academics and has extracurricular talents. Parents are also required to secure funds to fulfill their children's crucial needs (e.g., health-care, higher education, marriage). While parents often find themselves stuck with endless concerns in deciding what would be best for their next generations, news reporting increase in cases of suicide, unemployment, youths turning to drugs, and crimes make them more anxious. In this quest to protect their children from several miseries, parents often end up sacrificing their well-being. Since healthy parents are more likely to provide a fulfilling childhood to their children, it is important to understand various aspects of parenthood that add to parental well-being.

Concept of Well-Being

Well-being indicates the presence of positive emotions and having overall satisfaction with life. There is a growing body of research that suggests that well-being goes beyond the absence of mental illness. In a state of complete well-being, an individual desires a happy life (Diener, 2000) or emotional well-being and strives for excellence or psychological well-being (Ryff & Singer, 2008). Keyes (2009) proposes another model of well-being and adds a social component along with psychological and emotional components. The social component includes factors like social contribution, positive interpersonal relationships, and community integration and is referred to as social well-being.

In the psychological literature, mainly hedonic and eudaimonic approaches have been used to describe well-being. The hedonic approach conceptualizes well-being in terms of happiness and pleasure (Kahneman, Diener & Schwarz, 1999). The concept of subjective well-being represents the hedonic perspective. Here, well-being is experienced when positive emotions are more frequent than negative emotions and life is judged positively (Diener, Oishi & Lucas, 2009). Alternatively, eudaimonic theorists focus on the optimum level functioning in individuals and their social lives, which include a) realizing one's true potential, b) cultivating autonomy and environmental mastery, c) attaining personal growth and purposefulness, d) developing positive relations with others, and e) having self-acceptance (Deci & Ryan, 2008). This conception of well-being is also known as psychological well-being (Ryff, 1989).

A closer examination of these different conceptions of well-being reveals that these two perspectives also differ in determining the criteria for well-being. According to Kagan (1992), hedonic well-being depends on experiencing pleasure, which is determined at the subjective level. On the other hand, the eudaimonic approach of well-being emphasizes meeting needs, which are objectively good and contribute to one's growth (Fromm, 1947).

Defining Parenthood

Parenthood is seen not only as an important developmental milestone but also as a valued life goal of adult life (Gato, Leal, Coimbra & Tasker, 2020). Therefore, parenthood has been of great interest to researchers and mental health professionals. Among various definitions, two theoretical models have attracted much attention from empirical researchers for defining parenthood.

a) Integrative model

As per Cere (2013), the integrative model represents a traditional view of parenthood, which states that a parent-child relationship is founded on the biological connection or marital relationship between two adults. Whether parenthood is achieved through biological reproduction or legal adoption, this model emphasizes couple bonding. It believes in the traditional model of family where sex difference exists between parents. Thus, a mother and a father are required for the overall growth of the child. Moreover, the formal ties between parents protect the child's rights in society (McClain & Cere, 2013).

b) Diversity model

This model recognizes the growing changes in family formation and acknowledges various methods to fulfill parenthood aspirations (McClain, 2013). It embraces all forms of adult intimate relationships and accepts that parental aspirations and child-rearing are independent of sexual orientations. The model focuses on the psychological dimensions of parenting and depicts parental attachment necessary for the child's optimal development. As per this model, the intimate relationship between two adults often produces a child; however, it does not promise emotional intimacy between a parent and the child. It proposes that the attachment between parents does not always lead to parent-child bonding. According to this model, the definition of parenthood should be based on good parenting and healthy parent-child relationship, not on biological or formal connections. Most of the studies examining parenthood found that how children are raised often determines the quality of parent-child bonding. According to Darling and Steinberg (1993), every parent has their own beliefs regarding parenting, and these belief systems shape their parental behaviors or child-rearing.

Different strategies that parents use for raising their children are known as parenting styles. In parenting research, most scholars follow Baumrind's typological approach for conceptualizing and understanding parenting style. Baumrind (1971) suggested that parenting could be differentiated based on the degree of authority and affection involved in parental behavior. The authority level reflects the demandingness and parents’ tendency to control their children's behavior. On the other hand, the affection level indicates the degree of responsiveness to the child's needs and acceptance of the child's perspective.

Based on these two dimensions four parenting styles were proposed, namely, authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and neglectful. The authoritative parenting style includes high authority coupled with high affection. These parents are described as nurturers who also set clear rules and rational standard for their children's behavior. In the authoritarian parenting style, children are controlled using harsh punishment without providing any explanation to them. Such parents emphasize compliance rather than support and love. Thus, they show low affection and high authority. The indulgent style of parenting involves having a low level of authority but high affection. Here, parents provide sufficient love and care to their children; however, they neither provide any information regarding desirable behavior nor set any rules for disciplining children's behavior. The neglectful parenting style could be described as uninvolved parenting where parents show low authority and low affection. It is also known as parent-centered parenting. This kind of parents shows a lack of interest in raising their children and remains unconcerned about their children's lives.

Well-Being and Parent-Child Relationship

Parenthood is regarded as a ‘transformative experience’ seen as both rewarding and stressful (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2003). Therefore, the relationship between parenting and well-being is considered complicated, which is not that straight. However, it has been accepted that parenting practices have important implications for children's well-being, not only during childhood but throughout their lives. A cross-cultural study assessing the relationship of children's well-being with their peers and parents revealed that children who have affectionate relationships with their parents are more likely to have greater satisfaction with life. Although the nature of the relationship between life satisfaction and peer acceptance may vary across cultures (placing importance on family vs. friendship), children's well-being has been positively associated with parent-child relationships irrespective of cultural settings (Schwarz et al., 2012). A link between children's well-being and parenting styles is also found. Children, who have been raised using an authoritative parenting style, reported high subjective well-being and less psychopathology (Baumrind, 1991; Suldo, 2009). On the other hand, a parental practice involving harsh punishments and over control seems to co-occur with parent-child conflict and lower subjective well-being in the child (Yang et al., 2008).

There is another important observation stating a bi-directional link between the well-being of parents and their children. It means that parents’ level of happiness determines how much fulfilling childhood a child would have. Similarly, parents of happy and less difficult children would experience more positive emotions and satisfaction with life (Casas et al., 2008; Lloyd & Hastings, 2009).

According to Ben-Zur (2003), parental life satisfaction not only determines children's overall satisfaction with life but also contributes to their feeling of optimism and a sense of mastery. Parents with higher life satisfaction raise a self-confident and optimistic child. Similarly, |Marques, Pais-Riberio, and Lopez (2007) found a higher level of hope among those children whose parents or caregivers demonstrated hopefulness. In another empirical research conducted with 500 high school students to understand how subjective well-being develops among them, it was found that students with greater subjective well-being described their parents as happy and supportive (Suldo & Fefer, 2013).

Many clinical studies have also established that parental psychopathology, ranging from maternal depression to anti-social conduct, is more likely to cause mental health problems in children (Alenko et al., 2020; Goodman et al., 2011; Herndon & Iacono, 2005). Some genetic studies have also confirmed this familial transmission of psychopathology, where it has been found that most psychological disorders are genetically transmitted to children (Beauchaine & Hinshaw, 2008; Bornovalova et al., 2010). Further, some scholars maintained that those children who share the environment with psychologically ill parents are more likely to develop psychopathology later in life (Eley, 2001; Källquist & Salzmann-Erikson, 2019).

In sum, the existing research literature suggests a positive relationship between parents and children's well-being. Since the increased level of parental happiness may enhance the level of well-being of their children, improving parental mental health may act as an effective strategy for improving the functioning of children. Interestingly, the current level of parental well-being also influences their decision to have another child in the future. For example, people examine whether raising the first child was a smooth or exhausting experience. They also assess the financial burdens that may accompany bearing the second child and whether they have sufficient social support to deal with parental stress (Kim & Hicks, 2016).

Link Between Parenting and Parental Well-Being

In the past, many of the studies have correlated well-being with parenthood. However, it has been observed that this association varies depending on parents’ personal and household characteristics. Therefore, it seems important to understand those factors, which could influence parental well-being during child-rearing.

Joys of Parenting

It is commonly believed that people having children are happier as raising children is one of the greatest joys in life. The child strengthens the warmth and love between couples. Sometimes, children even save a broken marriage. Moreover, people with children feel more secure against the fear of loneliness and leading empty lives in their old ages. Many scholars have also supported the socio-psychological advantages of parenthood.

Durkheim (1951) highlighted the social implications of child-rearing and described how a child prevents extreme individualism in adults. He opined that a child brings a feeling of belongingness and social integration since parenting requires social support and connection. Further, parenting involves planning and goal setting so that parents can maintain a balance between their personal needs and child's needs. Parents may also be required to draw some rules and make certain behavioral choices for the child's healthy development. Through this ordering of activities, people seem to get structure into their everyday lives. Following a routine may provide predictability in daily life; therefore, parents may feel less anxious and more secure (Friedman, Hechter & Kanazawa, 1994).

Furthermore, parenthood may enhance family support and social connectedness since parenting is a social activity. A child's birth may help mothers identify their resilience, and fulfilling a child's needs may increase their feeling of self-worth (Yu et al., 2019; Zraly, Rubin & Mukamana, 2013). Parenthood may also have implications for the psycho-social development of adults. According to Erikson (1963), life progresses in stages, and during midlife, people deal with the stage of generativity versus stagnation. Generativity involves providing care to children and being valuable to society. It has been suggested that guiding and supporting the next generation make people feel useful to society; therefore, leading to a sense of well-being. Failing to do this may make them feel unproductive and disconnected from the world.

Some view parenting as a significant need, and its gratification leads many comprehensive benefits. It has been suggested that having children may satisfy the need for love, security, respect, positive self-image, purpose, and meaning in life (Kenrick et al., 2010). Further, for some people, children may help in realizing their true potentials (Population Council, 1997). For people who perceive parenthood as a crucial life goal, becoming parents is more likely to make them proud and satisfied. They may also view parenting as an elevation in their social status and a marker of their achievements.

Parenting as a Source of Suffering

Some studies have shown a negative link between parental status and well-being. In recent years, society has witnessed many significant changes ranging from economic to social. The increasing numbers of employed women, the growing number of dual-earners, and single-parent families have brought drastic changes in forms and family relations patterns (McLanahan & Adams, 1989). Based on theories of stress and well-being, many scholars have challenged the widespread belief that having children is necessary to have a happy and fulfilling life (Margolis & Myrskylä, 2011). For modern parents, parenting's emotional and financial costs seem to outweigh the psychological benefits of parenthood (Begall & Mills, 2011; McLanahan & Adams, 1989).

Various studies comparing parents with non-parents in terms of marital satisfaction reported a decline in satisfaction level after the child-birth, which was found further decreasing with the number of children. Moreover, this decline is more pronounced among working couples, mothers of infants, and parents belonging to a high socio-economic group and the younger generation (Twenge, Campbell & Foster, 2003). In many instances, this dissatisfaction goes beyond the relational level and affects parents’ overall life satisfaction, although they may experience more positive emotions resulting from the child's various activities later (Luhmann et al., 2012). Parenthood also seems less fulfilling when childbearing is viewed as interfering with parents’ career advancement or when children face behavioral problems. Some non-normative circumstances, such as being a single parent or having a child with medical or developmental needs, may make raising children more challenging (Nelson & Lyubomirsky, 2015).

Many scholars have also started to study the impact of childlessness on well-being since an increased interest towards delayed childbearing and being childless has been observed in recent decades. The childless young adults demonstrated better well-being and were less distressed than parents of the minor child (Nomaguchi & Milkie, 2003). In some studies, their level of distress was similar to parents of adult children (Pudrovska, 2008). Apart from being a married couple, childlessness seems also to have important implications for women. The education and social presence of never-married, childless women are higher than other women (Wenger et al., 2007).

Various Aspects of Parenthood

While studying the association between parenting and well-being, scholars have usually focused on certain aspects of the parent-child relationship that may influence the experience of parenting and well-being. In the following section, some of the important factors will be discussed.

The ‘Cost’ of Childbearing

Despite differences in views related to the psychological consequence of parenthood, scholars agree that becoming a parent is a major life choice. The decision impacts parents in various ways including career, finances and daily life. Couples become parents even before the birth of the child. When they psychologically prepare themselves for the arrival of a new member in their family and expect certain outcomes, the entire duration is described as the part of parenting. Therefore, the novelty and excitement related to the first child's birth may make the feeling of parenthood stronger for the firstborn than for other subsequently born children (Radó, 2020). Several studies have also tried to explain this decrease of positive parenthood experience for higher-order children using the concept of marginal utility and marginal cost. They proposed that usually, for parents, keeping the excitement with every child's birth is difficult. Moreover, additional children may also add to the cost of childbearing in the household (Kageyama & Matsuura, 2018). However, for some parents, life satisfaction is higher during a second birth than at a first birth (Mikucka, 2016). Similarly, other studies investigating the effect of parenthood on happiness highlighted that lowering child care cost increases all parents’ happiness. Raising a child in a family not only reduces parental workload but also decreases the cost of childbearing as other family members also contribute to child care. Moreover, sharing childcare responsibilities allows working mothers to remain continuously productive and employed; therefore, enabling them to contribute to family income and savings, consequently increasing parental happiness (Glass, Simon & Andersson, 2016).

Many social scientists suggested that parenting becomes more challenging when children are young or having any physical or mental disability. Children with disability and minor children, especially infants and pre-school, require constant care and depend on their parents for fulfilling almost every need. Therefore, this duration seems more demanding in terms of time, energy, and money. On the other hand, parents with grown-up children feel less distressed. With adult children, the exposure to significant stressors, such as juggling between work and career, lack of time to spend with the spouse, and being constantly involved in care giving seems to decrease. Therefore, parents with adult children tend to have a positive mental state and better relationship quality with their children (Nomaguchi, 2012; Olsson & Hwang, 2008).

However, a growing body of research has shown that the financial burden increases as the child ages because higher education is becoming more expensive. Parents are also saving extra funds to secure their children's future and living arrangements amidst the uncertainty of employment and the higher cost of living. Furthermore, usually, grown and independent children move out of their parental house, leaving their parents behind alone. It has been found that the reported well-being of such parents is not better than nonparents. These empty-nest parents’ well-being is more likely to deteriorate if their children fail to provide the required emotional and social support (Milke, Bierman & Schieman, 2008).

According to many scholars, the quality of intergenerational relationships depends on parents’ marital status and gender. Studies have shown that adult children are more cordial and supportive of their divorced mothers and have somewhat strained and conflicted relationships with their divorced fathers (Shapiro, 2003).

‘Other’ Forms of Parenthood

Generally, the idea of parenting involves two married adults taking care of their children. However, with the changing of times or due to other life circumstances, many new forms of parenting have been introduced.

There are many instances, when only mother or father is available for child care. Studies investigating single parents’ well-being indicated that childbearing for single parents is more distressing than for coupled parents. Single parents tend to face challenges like the inability to provide adequate care to give to children, bear high financial costs alone, and struggle to have a work-family balance. It has been observed that single parenting is more challenging for single mothers than single fathers. Along with being primary caregivers, they are also expected to perform those duties, which are usually assigned to fathers for the adequate development of the child. In those societies, where male members are seen as significant for the family's well-being, some mothers may feel guilty for not providing a complete family to their children (Avison, Ali & Walters, 2007).

Grandparents usually contribute significantly to child care activities; however, in recent decades, a trend has been observed where grandparents are direct caregivers of their grandchildren. It could be either co-parenting (sharing responsibilities with adult children) or custodial care (no parent is present). Studies found that custodial grandparents feel more stressed and lower well-being than co-parenting grandparents. However, grandparents belonging to collective culture usually believe in the tradition of intergenerational reciprocity. Therefore, custodial care may not seem an extra distressing responsibility for them (Goodman & Silverstein, 2002).

Recently, many other forms of parenting have been observed apart from parenthood resulting from natural conception and adoption, such as nonmarital childbearing, post-divorce co-parenting, step-parenting, assisted reproduction parenthood. Additionally, the flexibility in the law and gradual change in social perceptions regarding the LGBTQ community has resulted in many LGBTQ parents.

It has been observed that every form of parenting comes with its challenges and affects respective parents differently. For example, parents in post-divorce collaborative parenting tend to experience emotional and social adjustment-related issues when the other partner remarries or re-partners (Moore, 2020). Increased post-divorce life satisfaction and the inclusion of a new custodial parent may lead to less need for interaction between former partners. It could deteriorate the co-parenting relation, which further negatively impacts the well-being of another parent who is willing to be more involved in childcare activities (Christensen & Rettig, 1996).

Parental well-being in the context of stepfamilies seems more complex since its formation could vary. A stepfamily could include a stepmother/ father without children, or both parents could come together along with their children from a previous relationship (Dunn, 2002). Since step-parenting is infamous and remains under scrutiny, collaboration in childcare with the new partner becomes more stressful (Dunn, 2002; Maslauskaitė & Steinbach, 2020). Furthermore, if children from former partners also become part of the step-family, they put extra effort to maintain the parenting balance between their own children and step-children (Cartwright, 2010).

Well-being researchers have documented many mental health-related issues among LGBTQ parents since they have to navigate a less supportive environment for becoming parents and taking care of their children (Berkowitz & Marsiglio, 2007; Bos, van Gelderen & Gartrell, 2015; Goldberg & Allen, 2013). Despite the gradual increase in recognition and acceptance of LBGTQ parent-families, such parents still face stigma due to their sexual orientations (Moore & Stambolis-Ruhstorfer, 2013). In addition to their stigmatized sexual orientations, the potential threat of discrimination and rejection, which their children might face from society, makes LGBTQ parents more anxious and distressed (Bergstrom-Lynch, 2015). Further, the lower level of the economic status of single LGBTQ parents than non-LGBTQ single parents revealed the social and occupational discrimination towards the LGBTQ community (Gates, 2013).

Many empirical works have associated nonmarital childrearing with various negative consequences, including financial and psychological problems. Evidence indicated that unmarried mothers are more likely to experience lower psychological well-being irrespective of being lone or cohabiting mothers (Brown, 2000; Stanković, 2014). Unemployment, financial difficulties, housing problems, etc., are some of the major challenges they face while raising a child. Additionally, due to fathers’ less participation in parenting, unmarried mothers seem to depend either on their families and friends or perform most of the parenting duties alone (Stanković, 2014).

Researches on assisted reproductive technologies revealed that non-genetic and/ or non-gestational parents do not differ significantly from naturally conceived parents at the stress level, although their stress decreases as the child ages (Golombok et al., 2006). However, those mothers, who do not tell their children about their birth circumstances, may experience an increased level of stress (Golombok, 2017).

Gendering of Care Giving

Even though paternal participation in child-rearing has been increased over the past few decades, mothers still shoulder substantial responsibilities of child care and household work, even when they are full-time employed (Pettit & Hook, 2009). On the contrary, fathers usually spend time with children playing games and performing leisure activities (Katz-Wise, Priess & Hyde, 2010). Such arrangement ends up making mothers more stressed. Even among those couples, where each shares an equal amount of child care work, mothers seem more distressed by work-family conflict. On the other hand, fathers appear more stressed by the financial cost of parenting (Glass, Simon & Anderson, 2016).

The Puzzling Case of Parental Well-Being

Despite the abundance of research, findings remain inconclusive about the nature of the relationship between parenting and parental well-being. Nelson and Lyubomirsky (2015) proposed a conceptual model (Figure 1) for explaining why some parents report positive consequences of parenting, whereas some experience reduced parental well-being. They suggested that parents feel greater well-being when parenting provides both hedonic and eudaimonic benefits. Parents who could perform social duties effectively and satisfy their basic needs are more likely to experience frequent pleasant emotions. They may derive meaning from parental responsibilities and have a purpose in life, experience better well-being. In contrast, parents reporting lower well-being tend to experience physiological symptoms including sleep disturbance and fatigue, more negative emotion, financial hardship, and failure to recognize the purpose of life.

Figure 1.

Conceptual model for parental well-being (Nelson and Lyubomirsky, 2015).

Conclusion

“The birth of a child instantly changes how we define ourselves. Women become mothers. Men become fathers. Couples become parents. Our priorities shift in fundamental ways. Parenting may be the most rewarding experience, but it is also the hardest and most humbling.”

—Sheryl Sandberg, Lean in

Parenting is a process that not only involves performing parental behavior but also an ongoing revision of self-understanding. People tie their fates and aspirations to a ‘semi-independent person’ and prepare that person for life's journey to ‘make sense’ of their lives. Raising a child provides an opportunity to create a genetic narrative that will stay in this world after our death and give a sense of immortality. Possibly, by having children, we also try to fulfill our desire to outlive our physicality. Therefore, it could be said that children are more than genetic imprints.

It is also important to note that well-being has many implications for an individual because it generally associates with better functioning in health, work, and relationships. However, parental well-being has broader implications as it is not only benefitting for parents; children may benefit from parents’ well-being as well. Given the positive association between parents’ and children's well-being, it may be concluded that society and children play significant roles in parental well-being, and parents’ positive functioning is crucial for their children's mental health.

Footnotes

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding

The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

ORCID iD

Kriti Gupta

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