Online Discourse and Gender Roles in Parenting: Evidence From Mothering.com Forums

Motherhood and Fatherhood Ideals

The concepts related to motherhood and fatherhood have changed over time as society has shifted and new ideals have emerged. Historically speaking, definitions of motherhood have referred to care, nurture, and love, while definitions of fatherhood have been expressed as protection, financial support, and discipline (Chodorow, 1978; Valiquette-Tessier et al., 2019). Society's expectations for gender roles are a result of societal expectations and they play into the idea that women are natural caretakers while men are the breadwinners (Connell, 2009).

Research reveals the enduring salience of these traditional ideals, even in contemporary Western societies. Recent research has shown that women disproportionately bear the burden of caring for children and doing housework, while men are often expected to prioritize their careers (Boye & Evertsson, 2014; Pinho & Gaunt, 2021). This division of labor can result in stress, resentment, or feelings of inequality within families (Wong et al., 2021).

Contemporary research, however, also identifies a shift in the ideologies of parenting to more equal ideals, particularly in countries with well-developed social welfare systems and greater acknowledgment of gender equality (Grunow et al., 2018). There is evidence to support that younger generations, especially males, may be more open to shared parenting responsibilities and are accepting of a more equal sharing of domestic work (Maume, 2016). This change is thought to be a result of various factors, including increasing female labor force participation, heightened awareness of gender equality, and the influence of feminist movements.

While these are all encouraging signs, the persistence of traditional gender norms severely impacts parents. Sometimes, mothers are generally expected to prioritize the needs of their children over their own, and fathers are criticized when they express emotion or participate in caregiving (Diniz et al., 2021; Williamson et al., 2023). What this seems to perpetuate is the idea that women are supposed to provide emotional care and nurture, while men are the sole financial providers and disciplinarians.

It is essential to understand the historical and social context within which the ideals of motherhood and fatherhood emerged to examine how these ideals are expressed and contested in online forums such as Mothering.com. Through an examination of the language used and the perspectives shared, it becomes possible to understand to what extent conventional norms of gender are maintained, challenged, or transformed in the digital age.

Conflict Between Work and Family

The struggle parents face in meeting responsibilities for work and family life, known as “work–family conflict,” is a key issue for parents, particularly in societies valuing hard work. This is when the demands of paid work and responsibilities for child care or housework conflict (Wöhrmann et al., 2020). Studies frequently show that it generally affects women more than men due to the uneven gender division of labor in a household (Grunow & Evertsson, 2021).

While women are increasingly entering the workplace, the traditional gender ideology often places women as responsible for home and children caring, even when they are also employed, forcing them into a “second shift” where they are overburdened with dual responsibilities, making them extra fatigued and stressed (Syrda, 2023). This divided tasking can increase psychological distress, weariness, and anxiety and might have a significant impact on women's mental health, job prospects, and development (Wong et al., 2021).

Another manifestation of the work–family conflict is restrictions on women's career opportunities. In many societies, and within many workplaces, it is still the case that men's requirements take precedence because men supposedly have a greater commitment to their jobs and are supposedly the ones less involved in family life (Cinamon & Rich, 2002). This might also lead women to make career choices that do not require as much commitment as other career opportunities, or to leave paid work altogether, (Grunow & Evertsson, 2021) which, in turn, can reinforce the gendered division of labor and sustain the gender imbalances.

To confront the work–family conflict, gender equalization, and fair pay need to be promoted along with flexible work arrangements, and affordable childcare. Also, it is essential to examine societal attitudes and expectations that underwrite gender roles as the work–family conflict will require a shift in these cultural dialogues (Chen et al., 2022). Forums like Mothering.com provide a place to discuss and manage these tensions by detailing how individuals are experiencing and addressing the tensions between home and family life.

Parents’ Written Interaction Online

The advent of the internet and social media has transformed the ways in which parents communicate and engage with one another. Nowadays, parents use online spaces, such as parenting blogs, social media groups, and online forums, to share their stories, seek guidance, and create communities. These online spaces offer parents the opportunity to interact through writing in ways that they may not engage in face to face, and often anonymously, which facilitates openness and vulnerability (Fidan & Seferoğlu, 2020).

Previous studies suggest that online forums could be a valuable platform to provide support and resources for parents who are experiencing the challenges of parenting (Lupton et al., 2016) and show the benefits of online platforms such as learning from others, sharing advice and ways of coping, and obtaining guidance from experts and other parents (Xie et al., 2021). This can be particularly valuable for parents who may be feeling isolated and lack family support more generally (Niela-Vilén et al., 2014).

However, online interactions can also present challenges to parents. One of the difficulties is that the anonymity of online forums can lead to negative comments and hurtful remarks. Without the use of nonverbal cues or intonation, the tone or intention of the comments is often difficult to interpret (Livingstone, 2008). Additionally, the constant flow of information and opinions online can become overwhelming for some parents, leading to feelings of anxiety and inadequacy (Wilde, 2021).

Despite the limitations of such communities, platforms such as Mothering.com offer an opportunity to observe and learn how parents discuss and negotiate their parenting roles in the contemporary context. By conducting an analysis of the online comments and postings, we can better understand what types of parenting practices are most valued, what parents find challenging about being a parent, and how these same parents use both insider and outsider communities for advice and support.

Theoretical Lens: Understanding Gender in Online Parenting Discussions

West and Zimmerman (1987) “doing gender” theory, and Connell and Messerschmidt's (2005) gender theory provide a comprehensive theoretical framework for understanding how gender is enacted in parent-to-parent online discourses. Thus, this study draws on both of these key theoretical frameworks to examine how gender is constructed and performed within online parenting discussions on Mothering.com.

West and Zimmerman (1987) “doing gender” theory suggests that gender is not a fixed biological trait, but something that is done through social interaction. Individuals “do gender” by reproducing and complying with societal standards of femininity and masculinity using language, behavior, and communication. These performances can be both conscious and unconscious, and they impact how participants manage their behavior in relation to online discussions about parenting.

Social construction of gender is a primary concern of “doing gender” theory. As the comments users leave demonstrate, we can use them as examples to observe how gender is constructed within the online parenting community, as they might reinforce or challenge societal norms or expectations as they relate to gender. For example, users performing this gender might express traditional viewpoints of mothers as nurturers and expressing emotions, while other users may show a preference for shared/re-balanced childrearing and contesting the constraints of traditional gender roles. Additionally, the theoretical framework helps to highlight that gender is also actively done among users as they interact with one another. This would include the social media user's choice of words, what topics they bring up, and the ways they choose to express themselves, all of which are reflective of social constructions of gender and gender identity happening online.

Connell and Messerschmidt's (2005) gender theory, expands upon “doing gender” by introducing the concept of “gender order,” which refers to the social structures and power relations that shape and maintain gender inequality. This theory highlights how gender is not only performed but also embedded in social institutions, cultural practices, and power dynamics.

Connell and Messerschmidt's theory adopts a significant concept, “hegemonic masculinity,” describing the dominant form of masculinity in a given society (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005). Hegemonic masculinity, which outlines gender domination by the aggregate of masculine traits such as strength, violence, and authority, frequently perpetuates traditional gender stratification and confirms male dominance (Yang, 2020). When using Connell and Messerschmidt's theory to contemplate how hegemonic masculinity is represented in users’ thoughts about parenting and the division of family work, we might see parents define fathers as the primary breadwinners and mothers as child-caretakers. In this example, parents understand what fathers and mothers do in a family the same way traditional gender roles suggest they should manage their work and personal domains.

This study seeks to enhance our understanding of how gender is interacted with and demonstrated in online parenting conversations by merging these two theories. Utilizing “doing gender” theory, we will dissect the presentation of gender within online engagements, while also drawing on Connell and Messerschmidt's theory to grasp the societal context and dominance structures that influence these displays. Through this integrated strategy, we will investigate how participants maneuver expectations, potentially contest conventional gender roles, and participate in shaping developing notions of gender.

Identified Gaps and Research Questions

The reviewed literature makes a convincing argument that traditional gender norms have a significant impact on parenting ideals, centrally focusing on the standards placed on mothering and fathering. There is constant reference to “work–family conflict,” which is argued to affect women more acutely leading them to be engaged in a “second shift” in terms of unpaid labor and to limit their career horizons. Additionally, online forums, as support systems for parents, may also contribute to reproducing normative gender ideals because of the language and interaction between users.

While previous research has offered valuable insights into the complex interplay of these dynamics, a gap persists in understanding how these concepts are displayed in online parenting discourse. This study seeks to fill this gap by exploring how participants accounted for and discussed parenthood ideals and considering whether and to what extent traditional gender norms were being maintained, disrupted, or challenged on Mothering.com. To guide this analysis, we propose the following research questions:

RQ1: How do users of Mothering.com reinforce or challenge traditional gender roles in their discussions about parenting?

Research Design

This study uses a qualitative research design, which is particularly suited to researching the multifaceted and intricate nature of social interactions and cultural narratives. Qualitative research allows for a detailed examination of the performance and negotiation of parenting ideals on Mothering.com. Specifically, thematic content analysis was selected as the primary method of analysis. This method provides a way to identify and make sense of the themes and patterns in the data and allows insight into the underlying beliefs and attitudes around gendered parenting roles (Anderson, 2007).

Thematic content analysis involves the systematic coding of data, as well as its categorization into themes that are derived from the data taken from the participants’ statements (Anderson, 2007). This method is well suited to textual data taken from online forums, as it provides the chance to appreciate at closer inspection the context and content of how users’ thoughts are structured and communicated. This method was chosen since it allows us to maintain the richness of the interaction of online participants, as well as its flexibility in its use for a range of qualitative data.

Sampling

The sample for this study was composed of the Mothering.com discussion threads that addressed research questions relevant to the study about parenthood, gender roles, and the division of labor within families. A purposive sampling method was employed to select threads that are most relevant to the research questions. Given the sampling strategy, it should be seen as more appropriate to use a purposive sampling method in qualitative research, as it allows for a more informed respondent selection to the entire complete and detailed cases.

The sample was chosen based on threads displaying high user engagement, as evidenced by post and view counts, and those focusing on gender roles in parenting. This method guaranteed a comprehensive and pertinent dataset encompassing diverse viewpoints and experiences. A total of 105 discussion threads were included in the final sample collected between October 2023 and January 2024, ensuring a robust dataset for analysis purposes.

By focusing on highly engaged threads, the study aims to gather diverse viewpoints and in-depth discussions that reflect the complexities of parenthood ideals. The purposive sampling method, combined with the selection criteria, ensures that the sample is representative of the broader discourse on Mothering.com, while also being manageable for detailed qualitative analysis.

Data collection

The data for this study was collected from Mothering.com, one of the largest online forums dedicated to parenting. The primary focus was on discussion threads that addressed themes related to parenthood and gender roles. The data collection process involved several steps to ensure the relevance and comprehensiveness of the dataset.

First, an initial survey of the forum was conducted to identify key sections and threads where discussions about parenthood ideals and gender roles were most prominent. Here, multiple categories were scanned and searches were conducted using specific keywords such as motherhood, fatherhood, gender roles, parental leave, and work–life balance to locate the six threads that related to the broader project agenda. To this end, one hundred and five threads were identified and downloaded based on their relevance to the research questions, richness of content, and level of user engagement.

Second, the chosen threads were saved for examination. This entailed manually copying the content of each thread, encompassing all user contributions, into a digital file. To uphold the authenticity of the data, posts were duplicated in full, keeping intact the original language, spelling, and grammar employed by the forum users. Furthermore, the timestamp of each post was documented to offer perspective for the conversations.

Third, ethical considerations were addressed by anonymizing the data. Although Mothering is a public forum, measures were taken to ensure the privacy and confidentiality of the users. Usernames and any identifying information were removed or altered. Additionally, consent was considered implicitly given as the data was publicly accessible; however, the study adhered to ethical guidelines by focusing on content analysis rather than personal data.

Finally, the archived data was organized and prepared for analysis. This involved creating a database where each thread was categorized by topic, and each post was assigned a unique identifier. This organization facilitated systematic coding and thematic analysis, ensuring that the data could be easily navigated and interpreted during the analysis phase.

Data Analysis

The data analysis involved a thematic content analysis to identify and interpret patterns and themes within the discussion threads from Mothering.com. Data analysis was systematic and involved several stages to provide a structured approach to the interpretation of parenthood ideals and gender roles presented within the forum discussions.

First, an initial reading of the data was conducted to familiarize with the content and context of the discussions. This preliminary review helped identify recurring topics and notable variations in the conversations. Key themes and patterns began to emerge, providing a foundation for more detailed coding.

Second, the data analysis utilized a blend of deductive and inductive methods. Initial codes were established from the existing literature and research questions, encompassing categories like “motherhood responsibilities,” “fatherhood involvement,” “work–life balance,” and “gender equality.” Subsequently, an inductive strategy was applied to unveil new themes within the data. As the coding process unfolded, supplementary codes were generated to encompass the intricacies and nuances of the dialogues.

Third, the coded data were organized into broader themes. This involved grouping related codes together and identifying overarching patterns. For example, codes pertaining to “balancing work and family responsibilities” and “societal expectations for mothers” were categorized within the broader theme of “work-life conflict.” This method of grouping helped enhance comprehension of how ideals of parenthood and gender roles are shaped and debated in the forum.

Fourth, thematic maps were crafted for visualizing the connections between themes and subthemes. Through the development of these maps, the researchers could discern the central themes and their interconnections, offering a visual depiction of the core concepts. The utilization of thematic maps in this study proved valuable for adopting a more iterative analysis method and guaranteeing the comprehensive consideration of all pertinent data elements.

Finally, the themes were interpreted in the context of the research questions and theoretical framework. This involved linking the findings to existing theories on gender roles and parenthood, as well as considering the different aspects of the research questions. The analysis highlighted both the persistence of traditional gender norms and the emerging trends towards more egalitarian parenting practices.

Ethical Considerations

Ethical considerations were paramount in this study. Although Mothering.com is a publicly accessible platform, all user identifiers were anonymized to protect privacy. Consent was considered implicitly given due to the public nature of the discussions. The study strictly followed ethical guidelines by only conducting thematic content analysis and refraining from tracing or contacting forum users. Research was carried out in compliance with institutional ethical review procedures to uphold participants’ rights and privacy.

To address potential research biases, personal beliefs regarding parenting and the division of labor were reflected upon. It was acknowledged that personal experiences and views could influence the research process. To mitigate this, a reflexive approach was employed, with awareness of positionality maintained throughout the research. Additionally, a rigorous process of data analysis was followed, ensuring that interpretations were grounded in the participants’ discussions and not shaped by preconceived notions.

Reinforcement or Challenge of Traditional Gender Roles

The analysis of threads on Mothering.com unveiled an intricate balance between reinforcing and challenging traditional gender roles in parenting. Users often exhibited a mix of conforming to and rebelling against conventional notions of motherhood and fatherhood, showcasing a sophisticated navigating of gender norms.

Division of Labor Within Families

The examination of the Mothering.com discussion threads demonstrated several key themes regarding family labor division. The themes identify both the ongoing negotiation and redefinition of household responsibilities and the ongoing struggle with achieving an equitable division of duties between parents.

Reflections and Contestations of Hegemonic Masculinity

A nuanced and complex engagement with hegemonic masculinity emerged in the analysis of the discourses on Mothering.com. Discussion of fatherhood and of mothering roles suggested continued adherence to traditional masculine ideals, but more recent discourses were influenced by more inclusive and equitable frameworks of masculinity.

Implications for Theory and Practice

This study provides insight into how online parenting communities perceive and negotiate gender roles. Utilizing the “doing gender” framework by West and Zimmerman (1987) and gender theory by Connell and Messerschmidt (2005), the study portrays the performative nature of gender roles and the social arrangements that reinforce them. Although traditional gender norms still tend to be prominent, there are traces that indicate a shift to more parity forms of parenting practices.

The study makes a call for policies that promote joint responsibilities toward parenthood. Enabling parental leave and flexible work arrangements should ease work–family conflict, especially for women. Furthermore, altering social norms can be facilitated by promoting positive media representations and public dialogue that questions traditional gender roles, to help back this proposed change.

The findings indicate a possible trend towards shared parenting practices, which contradicts the assumption that childcare is the responsibility of the mother. Utilizing positive accounts of involved fathers and fostering dialogues surrounding gender inequality can re-signify masculinity and promote a more inclusive, nuanced interpretation of fatherhood.

Effective communication and negotiation are two concepts that are important in order to have a more balanced division of household labor. This can benefit the whole family and make parents less stressed and more satisfied. By demonstrating partnerships of negotiation and cooperation, children are also able to learn about fairness and cooperation.

Implications for Marriage and Family Counselors

The results of this study have implications for marriage and family counselors. Traditional gender roles continue to stick and this, in tandem with the push for gender equality, creates a unique environment for couples in managing parenting. Marriage and family counselors can be useful by supporting couples to recognize and challenge implicit biases and expectations that might be influencing how they look at values and navigate parenting. This may be done by having open conversations with partners about gender roles and expectations and discussing possibilities for more equitable partnerships. Counselors can empower couples to mutually establish their roles and responsibilities within their partnership by facilitating such dialogues. Marriage and family counselors may offer couples strategies for handling challenges associated with work–family conflict, support the promotion of flexible work environments, and help advocate for family-friendly policies that support shared parenting. Ultimately, by acknowledging the landscape of contemporary parenting and gender roles, marriage and family counselors are able to support couples in establishing more equitable and healthier family dynamics.

Limitations and Future Research

This research has some limitations that should be considered when interpreting our findings. The first limitation is that the data were collected from material posted at one online forum, Mothering.com, and may not be representative of all parents, or parenting communities. The participants on this forum may hold specific views and perspectives that are not shared by all parents. The second limitation is the use of textual data, which may not fully capture the variety of experiences and perspectives of the users. Future work with different types of data, such as interviews and surveys, would allow a more thorough exploration of gender and parenting in contemporary society. Third, by focusing on discussion forums, the study did not take into account actual, real-world parenting practices. Future research could be designed to follow through on the discussion forums by seeing how these discussions actually translate into practices with children and also considering what online and offline factors influence these practices.

Future research could extend this study by comparing discourse across multiple parenting forums, including those specifically targeted at fathers, such as Dad.info or Fathercraft. This could provide insight into how gender norms are discussed and possibly contested in male-dominated spaces, compared to the predominantly female-focused discussions on Mothering.com. Additionally, a comparative analysis of forums from different cultural or socioeconomic backgrounds could uncover how parenting ideals and gender roles are shaped by varying societal expectations. Despite these limitations, this research is valuable because it offers a first look at how conversations about gender operate in online parenting forums and can be seen as a first step to exploring and further analyzing these complicated dynamics.