Having assumed the role of academic tourist/midnight robber from the Caribbean island of Trinidad and Tobago, I discover that I have never fully dealt with the emotional aspect of using academic discourses that came out of a Eurocentric frame. Academic habitus, conventions, laws, shame, guilt, and fear of the repercussions because of my dual status inhibit me. In this autoethnographic text, I make a bold move to become vulnerable as I critically explore the social, political, and cultural contexts of a dissertation culture that I experienced. I use methodological tools provided by specifically chosen tour guides, Carnival midnight robber talk, and a “layered account” to move from the outside to the inside and back out again of the experience of using academic discourses in an ethnographic study of Trinidad Carnival.
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