Abstract
Through autoethnographic poetry, I take the reader on a journey through my experience of moving to Laramie, Wyoming, to become faculty at the University of Wyoming. As a gay male who is still haunted by the 1998 brutal murder of Matthew Shepard in Laramie, I engage in storytelling: relaying my personal experiences of living in modern-day Laramie, showing the reader my fears, obstacles, and revelations through prose.
Laramie (Wyoming) is (was?) synonymous with the murder of Matthew Shepard. — I think ever so slowly the is is becoming was in my mind? — But 17 years of the association is hard to toss. I find living and working in Laramie to be . . . Therapeutic? Yes! I think so. It’s as if my mind needed this. — It’s interesting . . . Somehow . . . In the back of my mind I always knew I would end up . . . Living . . . and working . . . in Laramie. I would often dismiss this premonition . . . A mind’s trick . . . surely. Needless to say I’ve been an assistant professor here for two years. I am not afraid? I am not afraid. I am not afraid!
I only visited Laramie once before. I remember that first drive well . . . Two hours from my home in Colorado. First, an hour to Cheyenne; another hour to Laramie. 2002 when the murder was still fresh . . . in my mind? I was 19 I just came out. I was more than fearful of visiting the town. Sure . . . I grew up in an extremely conservative area of the country . . . in Northwest Ohio . . . but isn’t the Old West different? Wyoming is cowboy country.
The Laramie Project
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I had to see this place for myself. — I was 15 . . . In high school. Matthew Shepard Brutally attacked! Beaten! Killed!
Twelve years later and a second visit to Laramie for an interview. University of Wyoming Rush of negative emotions. What would this place be like now? I drive north, up I-25 then to I-80. “I can’t see you wearing cowboy boots!” A student tells me. “Neither can I!” I say in my head.
A job offer in Laramie . . . Wyoming?! I am afraid . . . excited at the same time. — Excited Nervous Cultural assimilation? Stark contrast to Colorado . . . Only an hour away. — Pleasantly surprised. Did I really think the students . . . the faculty . . . would be different? Laramie . . . a safe haven in the conservative NIGHTMARE.
Safe? Yes, I feel safe. Safe! Welcoming GLBTQQA+ center. Safe Zone training. Annual symposium on social justice . . . named after Matthew Shepard. — I proudly hang on my office door . . . My HRC equality sign . . . My Safe Zone pink triangle . . . My pink bucking bronco!
You need to read! READ! all of the old newspaper articles and do the groundwork before conducting GLBT research here one faculty member tells me after I present my research agenda. You’re just going to sensationalize . . . the murder all over again . . . for a publication! No way! Not here!
Gay issues? Not here. Oh, no you don’t! Full board review! A safety risk . . . Study . . . Denied.
1998 Matthew Shepard Pistol whipped Tied to a cattle fence For being gay 2015 7–2 vote Laramie City Council Will protect gay and transgender people From discrimination . . . At work . . . In housing . . . Public places . . . Why 7–2? The air is still stuffy? A similar bill . . . Defeated statewide. The air is still stuffy!
Hold my hand . . . dude We do. First time in public . . . In our twelve years together. He pulls away . . . This feels weird. The air is still rife . . . With hatred . . . In our minds! In our minds. In our minds?
Footnotes
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The author declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Funding
The author received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.