Abstract
John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples. New York: W.W. Norton, 2011. 496 pp. US$39.95 (hb), ISBN 9780393705959.
John M. Gottman’s latest book briefly reviews the literature on trust and offers a perspective based on more than 40 years of research on couples. As a couples’ therapist, Gottman also offers his own approach to help couples save their marriages. The book is written for professionals, whether researchers or clinicians, but is accessible to a wider audience. The theme of trust, though central, shares the spotlight with other variables such as positive and negative emotions or power balance in relationships. One of the most interesting aspects of Gottman’s work is that he studies real interactions between couples, which contrasts with the vast majority of experiments that are often ecological only in principle. These interactions are videotaped and couples can watch themselves and rate their own behaviors, second by second, depending on the purpose of the experiment. Gottman has spent his life analyzing relationships in the “lab apartment” he developed in order to have a naturalistic setting for his research. The result of which is a theory about couples known as the “Sound Relationship House.” He is to be admired for the decade he spent doing nothing more than observing couples interacting; these observations form the basis for his theoretical model.
As Gottman has a passion for mathematics, he developed matrices, which incorporate couples’ rating of their own interactions. For example, Jane will evaluate to what extent her behavior has a positive outcome for her, and to what extent her partner’s behavior has a positive outcome for her. Her partner rates the interaction as well. These matrices have proven excellent predictors of couples’ happiness, unhappiness, and the likelihood of divorce. Trust is another variable extracted from the matrices, as a higher-order measure of these interactions. In line with a behavioral definition of interpersonal trust, Gottman conceives it as a state that reflects how much Jane can “count on her partner to change his behavior for her interest,” and vice versa.
The study of trust leads logically to that of untrustworthiness and betrayal. After a very interesting overview of some of the most influential game theorists of the last century, Gottman defines untrustworthiness as acting in one’s own interest independently of the partner’s interests, whereas betrayal is defined as acting in one’s own interest at the partner’s cost. Untrustworthiness can thus be “upgraded” to betrayal. For Gottman, betrayal arises when alternatives to the current relationship appear more favorable and when there is no response to the partner’s demands for connection. He proposes a cascade of steps that lead to distrust and betrayal; each of these steps is a possible research variable as well as a precise target for therapy. The last chapter dives into the details of the mathematical model, but is written with enough humor and clarity to captivate the reader.
Gottman’s findings are nicely used in couples’ therapy. He gives practical and detailed information about the state of a relationship and the variables that can predict the future of the relationship. For example, it seems that the way people remember their own story as a couple is more predictive of a good future together than the accuracy of the memory. Another example is that people who have an “emotion-coaching” style – they try to listen empathically and understand their partner – have a better chance of making their relationship work. A sort of cognitive-behavioral approach is thus possible to help couples stuck in recurrent “nasty” conflicts, the best predictor of divorce. Gottman proposes that building attunement, a mix of the emotion-coaching style and being responsive to the partner’s demands for connection, is an indispensable step to building trust and to having a long-lasting happy relationship.
Although the book is clearly written, some points are frustrating for the reader. The recurring claim that “flooding,” or being emotionally overwhelmed, leads people to process information inaccurately is not supported by reference to the relevant literature. Even though it is widely accepted that affect influences information processing, exactly how information processing is inaccurate in this context needs clarification. In addition, Gottman’s review of the physiology of trust is confusing. For example, he writes (p. 134) that promiscuous voles become monogamous when vasopressin receptors (V1aR) are artificially expressed in their brain, citing Gobrogge and colleagues’ study (2009). However, this study does not mention voles’ promiscuity, but explores their aggressive behavior toward pair-bonded or novel females. There are also numerous mistakes in the references of this chapter. For example, he reports on a study where participants view frightening faces, but the reference supporting this claim is to a study evaluating the effects of the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin on the amygdala of rats. However, these inaccuracies seem to pertain only to these couples of pages and not to extend to the rest of the book.
In conclusion, Gottman has produced an interesting perspective on relationships in couples, showing how 15-minute interactions can predict whether or not a marriage will last. These 15 minutes are a sort of window into the couple’s future, which can be altered by manipulating the attitudes described throughout the book. Trust, distrust, betrayal, and untrustworthiness can be characterized and evaluated using Gottman’s models, especially the trust metrics, and can be worked on during therapy. His model also opens a new perspective on other types of relationships, such as friendships or professional relations. Both researchers and clinicians will benefit from this impressive summary of decades of work on relationships.