Cook it,eat it,Skype it: Mobile media use in re-staging intimate culinary practices among transnational families

Co-presence in polymedia contexts: intimacy and proximity

The use of communication technologies by migrants is not a recent discovery in migration studies (Appadurai, 1996; Schiller et al., 1992; Vertovec, 2004). Throughout history, migrants have creatively shaped, adopted and negotiated ways of maintaining emotional and material connections with home and with other diaspora members, from letters (Borges and Cancian, 2016) and telephone calls (Vertovec, 2004) to internet and social media use (Dekker and Engbersen, 2014; Diminescu, 2008). In exploring ICT transnational use, scholars have highlighted the fundamental role that new media have played in building and sustaining familial intimacy through the recreation of a sense of distant co-presence (Baldassar, 2016). More importantly for the present study, ethnographic studies of migratory contexts have also observed the different ways migrants creatively use a variety of platforms ‘to balance distance and intimacy in communication’ (McKay, 2018: 137). As Madianou and Miller (2012) have noted, new media have radically transformed the experience of migration by providing opportunities for ongoing connectivity while mitigating the problem of physical and social separation. In their comparative ethnography of Filipino and Caribbean transnational families, anthropologists Madianou and Miller observed the emergence of a ‘polymedia’ environment where migrants decide which communication tool they should employ in any given situation and in response to different social and emotional needs. In this particular context, Madianou and Miller’s theory provides an interesting framework for understanding the rationale behind my respondents’ creative use of media technologies. In particular, the theory proves valid insofar as it focuses on the social, emotional and moral consequences of media use, which will be discussed here in relation to how Skype is used by migrants in order to stay ‘present’ to their family.

As McKay points out (2018) the ever-expanding role of social networking sites and the advent of polymedia in transnational contexts have contributed to the emergence of creative ways of sustaining intimacy at a distance. In observing long-distance parenting between the UK and the Philippines, she described polymedia as at the centre of a theoretical and methodological shift in global migration studies, and she also discussed the intersection between questions of visibility and intimacy in transnational contexts. The present research engages with such questions by highlighting two specific aspects that emerged with particular vigour during my interviews. First, visibility on Skype intersects with different kinds of emotional attachment to a sense of family that has lost its everyday nuances but remains nevertheless at the very centre of migrants’ practices and discourses away from home. Second, as Nicolescu (2016) observes in his study of social media use in south-east Italy, the enhanced visibility provided by social media allows migrants to recreate different layers of intimacy.

Of particular relevance for this study is Baldassar’s (2008) extensive work on tactics of co-presence among Italian migrants in Australia and their distant kin. Co-presence is defined as ‘the emotional support experienced as a sense of emotional closeness or “being there” for each other’ (Brownlie, 2011, in Baldassar, 2016: 145). Baldassar (2007) documents how platforms such as Skype, FaceTime and social networking sites have made virtual co-presence possible while reinforcing the sense of ‘being there for each other’. To a certain extent, the content of communication is not important per se, compared to the opportunity to see each other whenever and wherever needed (Licoppe and Smoreda, 2005; Wilding, 2006). On a similar note, Mirca Madianou defines ambient co-presence as a ‘peripheral, yet intense, awareness of distant others made possible through the ubiquity and affordances of polymedia environments’ (2016: 199). In the context of my research, the ‘always on’ pattern that Madianou has observed in her research is contradicted by my respondents, who confirmed using Skype only at the end of the day and before going to bed. Yet, the intensity of poly-mediated experiences creates new geographies of diasporic life that involve migrants as well as parents, who often need to acquire digital skills. Among others, Wilding confirms how this ‘mediated intimacy at a distance’ (2006: 133) has very practical and tangible consequences for all parties involved. This is further reiterated by Baldassar, who argues that ICTs provide ‘new possibilities for sustaining intimacy across time and space, providing revolutionary and ever more sophisticated avenues for the exchange of emotional support and for delivering a sense of emotional closeness or “being present” across distance’ (Baldassar et al., 2016: 135). As this article will argue, emotions are at the very centre of a sense of transnational intimacy that is renewed every time a call is made. This is supported by King O’Riain (2015), in her study on Skype use among transnational families in Ireland. Here, a transconnective space is created through processes of ‘emotional streaming’, where families negotiate ‘micro and highly intimate interpersonal understandings and practices of love’ (2015: 262). In the discussion that follows, I expand this concept further to emphasize how routine Skype-calling accounts for the creation of an everyday reality where the process of ‘doing family’ takes on a very tangible form.

Food practices, intimacy and transnational family life

The theme of food, and its cultural significance for migrant communities and identities, has been the object of numerous sociological and anthropological analyses. Among others, Fischler (1988: 280) emphasized the extent to which food is located at the very centre of migrants’ sense of national and collective belonging as they ‘mark their membership of a culture or a group by asserting the specificity of what they eat’. Culinary practices have been described as an element of personal and social identification (Zontini, 2004), as drivers of nostalgia (Vázquez-Medina and Medina, 2015), and at the centre of community building processes (Marte, 2007). Brah (1996) discussed how food can provide transnational identities with a sense of continuity with the past, which might alleviate the sense of disjointedness that migrants often experience when living in a new country (Bhugra and Becker, 2005; Locher et al., 2005; Philipp and Ho, 2010). In observing the centrality of food in diasporic contexts, scholars have paid attention to questions of authenticity (Petridou, 2001) and to the malleability of food as recipes are adapted to suit the availability of ingredients (Fonseca, 2016; Hegde, 2016). Other authors have emphasized the emotional and ‘sensory’ qualities of food (Vázquez-Medina and Medina, 2015). Along these lines, Lupton (1996: 30) has observed how food ‘stirs the emotions’ precisely because of its physical nature and sensual affordances, which ‘call the continuity of identity through a vivid nostalgic experience’ (Vázquez-Medina and Medina, 2015: 137).

As I have argued elsewhere (Marino, 2017) these theories can well be adapted to the study of the role of food within the Italian diaspora. However, an additional dimension should be considered, which is how the experience of commensality takes on new material nuances when it is recreated at a distance. For Italians, sitting at the same table and consuming the same food is a celebration and a moment of joy that reinforces intimate bonds within the family (Cinotto, 2013; Counihan and Van Esterik, 1997; Ochs and Shohet, 2006). Hence, food should be considered as a visceral experience that connects host and home countries by blending together familiar and new tastes, smells and textures (Locher et al., 2005; Longhurst et al., 2009). This is confirmed in many studies on previous generations of Italian migrants moving to the UK (Fortier, 2000; Sprio, 2013). In this respect, food not only acts as a personal, cultural and collective identity marker; at the same time, food is at the centre of circuits of love that connect the community together.

My contribution to this already solid literature is twofold: first, I am interested in exploring how mediated conversations and practices about food bring this relationship between food and migration to a whole new level of complexity. As Vázquez-Medina and Medina (2015) have noted in their research on Mexican food markets in California, the awareness of dislocation is instrumental in encouraging families to ‘get together’ around common (food-related) reference points. Second, I am not only discussing the power of mediated performances of food, which I have discussed elsewhere (Marino, 2017), but also the role of Skype in re-staging – on a more sensory-based level of imagination – typical family routines that enhance a sense of emotional proximity. While contributing to existing literature on food and migration, this research hopes to address a gap in existing literature on the Italian migration. As noted, while first and second generations of Italian migrants have been observed quite extensively in the UK and in the US already, we still know very little about how Italians ‘do family’ through digital forms of connectivity. The remaining part of this article is organized as follows: first I discuss how transnational family connections are rekindled through sharing recipes and cooking at a distance; then, I look at how transnational culinary practices enable the circulation of social capital, which I here interpret as another form of ‘doing family’ by engaging with ‘fictive’ kin such as friends. Lastly, I will conclude the discussion with a reflection on the technological asymmetries and communicative tensions emerging as part of these transnational communicative patterns.

Re-staging family rituals at a distance

At the beginning of their journey, Ilaria (27 years old, from Sicily) and MJ (a 24-year-old hairdresser from Turin) used to call their parents almost on a daily basis. Their conversations were mainly focused on their new life in London and the challenges of living abroad for the first time while working as au-pairs in the city. Within the walls of their new home in London, Skype was used to ask for support with the preparation and cooking of food, as the following quote from MJ demonstrates:

When I moved here, I used to call my mum almost every day on Skype. I usually asked her how to cook specific recipes, and she was happy to help. Now I don’t do that very often. I still do it sometimes, but not as often as at the beginning.

I asked Ilaria, who seemed to be more passionate about food, to describe a typical situation involving the use of Skype:

Sometimes I am desperate because I don’t know what to cook. I then text my aunts and my mum ¹ and I list the ingredients I have in my fridge. They then come up with different options, and I decide which one I would like to make. Only after this initial conversation I call my mum on Skype ² so that she can explain how to cook it.

Ilaria’s words deserve further considerations. On the one hand, she – like many migrants – uses a variety of different devices depending on what is more convenient or more appropriate for a particular purpose. Among other scholars, Madianou (2016: 186) explains that ‘when users have access to dozens of different applications, platforms and devices, they can easily exploit the qualities of each to compensate for the limitations of other platforms’. In Ilaria’s case, WhatsApp supports more immediate patterns of communication that are then followed by richer forms of connectivity, thus supporting the common view that sees migrants as protagonists of creative media adaptations and negotiations (Madianou and Miller, 2012).

On the other hand, Skype seems to be associated with a sense of ‘need’: a necessity that the migrant articulates in order to ‘get on’ with the new domestic life. Ilaria draws from a family patrimony – the ability to invent a recipe with the ingredients available randomly in the fridge – that she, perhaps, has not yet acquired. In participating in the conversation by suggesting potential recipes, the entire family takes care of the migrant, while showing empathy and understanding. From here, we can see how the process of ‘doing family’ in a transnational context seems to follow a linear route: first, there is a very practical need that the migrant voices; second, the family gets involved thanks to its knowledge and expertise in running the household; third, a creative mix of technologies is used to make the most of such expertise.

The significance of a food-related cultural capital is also called into question by Anna, a 50-year-old professor from Calabria. She says that her conversations around food have less to do with the practical need that Ilaria’s quote displays, and more to do with intimacy.

Recipes are an excuse; actually, we are not particularly obsessed with food. At a personal level though, this is a way of staying alive, a necessity to remember what’s good about Italy, which is mainly food and art. I combine this necessity to see and call my family with good food. I call if I want to bake a particular type of bread, a focaccia for example, and they are happy to help. They are incredibly happy to share their knowledge.

Here, we can see how Skype fulfils a visceral necessity to recreate a sense of family through conversations around what is, for Italians, a very typical cultural and linguistic code: food. By recreating family moments such as cooking together or sharing traditional recipes, the transnational family stays alive, renews its bond and creates a bridge that both parts can easily navigate thanks to the ‘comfortable’ memories that food inspires and re-creates. It then becomes clear that Skype suits a very particular function that is the creation of a transconnective habitus, a term I use here by merging King O’Riain’s (2015) concept of transconnective space and Nedelcu’s habitus (2012). Skype not only creates a space where emotions and intimacies are streamed, it does so while providing the conditions for a transnational everyday reality. Here, old and new practices are negotiated and re-staged: previous routines such as cooking together and new necessities such as preparing food from scratch take on new forms that reflect the migrant’s new life and the need for the family to acquire digital skills in order to remain present. This is mentioned by MJ in the following quote:

My parents did not know what Skype was. Sometimes they like it and they’re happy to see me, other times they would rather have me home.

As I will discuss later on, media use comes with tensions and ambiguities. Here, I want to focus on the practicalities of maintaining family connections at a distance. As Baldassar notes, these relationships are affected by ability, cultural expectations and negotiated commitments (2007: 392–3). Family rituals cannot take place without the ability to use and switch platforms, the prospect/commitment that the family will provide support when needed and finally the expectation that the migrant will call – more or less frequently – in order to maintain the relationship alive. The emotional proximity enabled by Skype has an impact on the whole transnational family dynamic. MJ, for example, points out the following:

Distance has improved our relationship. Since the moment I left, the relationship between my mum and my aunt has also improved, maybe because they found something in common, which is not having me around any more.

This is confirmed by Anna, who says that ‘through sharing recipes, our relationship is somehow confirmed and strengthened, a confirmation that this relationship is alive and necessary’. On a similar note, Ilaria says that she always had a good relationship with her parents, but this relationship has also been transformed by the distance. When in Italy, she cooks new recipes that she has invented while living in London, thus creating new experiences and memories that make food an intrinsic part of family time. The way transnational relationships acquire new meanings is then twofold: first, distance reinforces the necessity to be there and to ‘prove it’ in tangible ways; second, it also affects the way such relationships are lived when in physical co-presence. Distance, as many have argued, can bring people closer. On this issue, Madianou and Miller (2012: 146) point to the potential of new media to create the ‘“ideal distance” necessary for a relationship to flourish’.

This is further corroborated by Anna, who recognizes that since her family started to use digital media, and Skype in particular, relationships have improved:

We now know each other a little bit better. We grew closer by talking about food. For example, when I ask for a traditional Christmas recipe […] the emotional aspect is very important. It’s not just the recipe, it’s about our identity as well. Food is part of your identity, it’s what connects us to our memories, for example when I cook the same biscuits I used to eat while I was little, using the same recipe my mum used to follow.

Without discussing the theme of memory, which is beyond the scopes of this article, it is important to stress how food becomes an object that brings old memories alive and creates new ones. This is confirmed by R, a 34-year-old sales assistant from Emilia Romagna.

It does help a lot. Sometimes I feel like I never left as I more or less do the same things I used to do back home. Cooking together, eating together, sharing moments of daily life around the table. The only difference is that I do this on Skype. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.

In this poignant quote, R brings forward a new element to the discussion: the centrality of commensality. The next section delves deeper into that.

Commensality and transnational social capital

In facilitating the formation of mediated co-presence, video-based platforms allow migrants to perform and experience different ways of ‘doing family’ in a transnational context. I will here discuss two interesting examples that allow us to reflect more deeply on the centrality of mediated commensality within wider practices of familyhood. The first example considers Skype use in relation to the circulation of social capital among migrants living in London and between migrants and their families. The second example specifically addresses the importance of eating together in a once common physical and social setting.

In observing the complexity of doing family work in a transnational context, this research has revealed how Skype is used by migrants to recreate a sense of family with fictive kin such as friends. This is evident in the following conversation between Ilaria and MJ:

A number of interesting aspects emerge here. First, Skype is used to record important socializing activities among migrants; here, food acts as a catalyst for new forms of friendship and cooperation around the table. By preparing, cooking and eating the typical food that relates to the migrant’s culinary patrimony and heritage, a very tangible bond is created. Second, the shared values and understandings that surround the centrality of food and of commensality help Italians to perceive themselves as distinct from other migrants who do not share the same traditions. Third, the circulation of social capital does not seem to stop here; in calling home, families are invited to participate, to acknowledge and to share the connection that migrants have created around food discourses and practices. Food becomes, once again, an easy conversation-starter between people who do not know each other well. In this new networked environment, when multiple Skype conversations are activated at the same time, thus connecting different geographies and households together, new understandings of familyhood seem to emerge.

The second example specifically addresses the importance of commensality in situations of digital togetherness. The experience of eating and drinking together is deeply rooted in the Italian culture. For example, the ritual importance of the Sunday meal is accounted for by scholars such as Cinotto (2013), Gabaccia (1998, 2000) and Mancina-Batinich (2009). Cinotto, for example, talks about a ‘Sunday ceremonial’ among Italian migrants in the US that is characterized by ‘abundance and conviviality’ (2013: 53–4). Among my respondents, L, a 23-year-old hospitality management graduate from Campania, makes a similar argument:

the Sunday lunch, for example, is a typical Italian tradition of which I am particularly proud. I have never been able to re-experience the same emotions I used to experience after spending hours at the dinner table with my family. It’s amazing to see how everyone makes an effort in order to make this lunch special: those who have worked very hard during the week, those who have been cooking for days, those who cannot wait to share some good news, those who are just happy to be together. It’s a very fulfilling experience.

While migrants cannot experience commensality in co-presence as they were used to, Skype seems to provide a valid alternative. In line with the concept of online mealtime socialization that I have outlined elsewhere (Marino, 2017), I asked my respondents if they used Skype to re-stage situations of ‘physical commensality’ by consuming their lunch or dinner at the same time as their families gather around the table. Although my respondents confirmed that time lag and work reasons make it difficult to recreate this habit, they tend to be more flexible on special occasions such as birthdays or festivities, as the following quote from Ilaria demonstrates:

I usually eat with the kids and we also eat at different hours, which is why I don’t have dinner with them while we chat on Skype. However, on special occasions like birthdays, they [her parents] video call me when the whole family is at the table, so that I can see everyone and talk to them while they are eating. This happened recently for my dad’s birthday: they called me when they cut the cake.

We can see how Skype enables the transnational family to experience a sense of emotional proximity that is particularly desired during special moments of celebration. It is then not surprising that food is again at the centre of such emotional practices: for Italians, commensality is a very intimate experience of togetherness and love, it is a pleasure of the senses, a ritual of companionship, a way of reinforcing relationships through conviviality. Nedelcu and Wyss (2016) call it an ‘ordinary co-presence’, an attempt to reproduce the ordinary. By allowing migrants to co-celebrate occasions such as birthdays and festivities in virtual presence, Skype actively provides migrants with a sense of ‘at-homeness’. It is argued that this is fundamental for the wellbeing of the migrant: the family is a central node of security and stability, it represents what is ‘familiar’ and well known as opposed to the challenges of living in a new environment.

That being said, it must also be noted that it is especially on these occasions that the problematic aspects of Skype’s emotional streaming materialize with particular intensity. As familial expectations of physical co-presence are not fulfilled, migrants feel the additional burden of not being able to celebrate with the family, and Skype becomes insufficient to bridge the distance. This is corroborated by Madianou and Miller (2012: 119), who observe how ‘webcam as well as phones can be accused of giving only an illusion of co-presence and being an even more poignant reminder of separation’. This aspect will be discussed in the following section.