Abstract
This book will appeal to a wide and varied audience, from people living with dementia to the wide range of health and social care practitioners, organisations and academics who support them. The focus of the book is clear from its title insofar as the book charts Keith Oliver’s experience of being diagnosed with and living with dementia for over 8 years. While the term ‘Dear’ is generally one of affection, Keith Oliver has a reluctant relationship with his dementia, which is personified throughout the book and which reflects the wide range of emotions experienced by people who live with the condition. The diary begins in 2010 when dementia is an unexpected and unwelcome acquaintance but soon both the author and the reader realise that this relationship is not one that can be easily dismissed but rather one that is there to stay, not just for Keith Oliver but also for his wife and family.
Above all else, the book is, as the names suggests, a diary of living with dementia. The chapters are constructed in the form of diary entries and punctuated by letters to dementia which provide the reader with a synopsis of the authors thoughts and feelings and how his relationship with dementia, although resolutely defiant, changes over time. Throughout the book, the relationship remains confrontational and competitive. While the author becomes more resigned and accepting of his dementia, he continues to struggle to accommodate the needs and demands of his new relationship, referring to himself as an unfaithful host and signing his final letter to dementia with ‘frosty regards’.
This aspect of the book, that is, the concept of dementia as an unwelcome companion who is always there, is very effectively threaded throughout the book. While approaches to dementia support often focus on accepting the diagnosis, here we see a man who continues to live his life (and a very full life it is!) and who challenges his dementia to the very end, drawing on his faith and his determination to ‘stay a while longer in the sun’.
Having retired from his teaching role, Oliver went on to become a major force of change and a key influence in dementia care, research, policy and practice. In highlighting this, the book sends a very powerful message to readers that a diagnosis of dementia is not synonymous with the end of something but rather can trigger the beginning of a different way of living, working and contributing to society.
The strength of this book lies in the way in which the author captures the highs and lows of his own personal dementia experience and there are sobering examples of the stigma that still surrounds dementia. What is clearly articulated in the book is the author’s willingness to engage with individuals and organisations who are there to support him and his family. From his initial diagnosis, Keith Oliver knew when he needed help and was willing to accept it as a key determinant in enabling him to make the best of living with dementia. With many people reluctant to come forward for help in the early stages of the condition, this book is an important lesson in the benefits of seeking appropriate and person-centred help and support in a timely way.
Reading about a person living with dementia and its impact on a family is not easy. However, this book is not written to elicit feelings of sadness or sympathy in the reader. Instead, it is a revealing and at times a raw account of the realities of living every day with dementia. It is a fitting tribute to a man who has done so much to raise public awareness of dementia and to improve the care and support provided to individuals and families. It has, with great ease, earned a well-deserved place on my bookshelf!
