Smartphone mothering and mediated family display: Transnational family practices in a polymedia environment among Indonesian mothers in Hong Kong

Abstract

Steady demand for migrant domestic workers from developing countries continues to normalize an intriguing form of geographically dispersed families from which the mothers migrate and become the breadwinners. Despite the distance, migrant mothers remain committed to the preservation of intimacy by utilizing communication media to perform and “display” family practices. Using polymedia and displaying family as theoretical frameworks, this ethnographic study examines how smartphones shape family practices among migrant mothers. Through participant observation and in-depth interviews with 30 Indonesian mothers in Hong Kong, it illustrates how smartphones transform the configuration of mothering practices and power structures underpinning family interaction in the process of mediated family display. Smartphones, as polymedia, enable migrant mothers to assert authority over the display of maternal roles, relationships, and rituals, both materially and discursively. Given that their relationships are experienced almost exclusively via smartphone communication, directing the communication effectively means defining the shape and characteristics of the family. The findings problematize the depiction of migrant mothers as victims of communication technologies, highlighting their authorial privilege when displaying family. This article also presents a critical reflection on mediated family practices by illustrating cases of failed display.

Keywords

Displaying family polymedia smartphones migrant mothers Indonesian domestic helpers

Introduction

Against the backdrop of unequal global economic development, steady demand for domestic workers from the global south continues to normalize an intriguing form of geographically split families from which the mothers migrate and become the primary breadwinners. The literature recognizes these women as migrant mothers, based on their performance of maternal caregiving across borders, forming a unique population of transnational families headed by women (Cabanes & Acedera, 2012). Hong Kong, the ethnographic site of this study, is home to more than 386,000 domestic workers, most of whom come from the Philippines and Indonesia (Census and Statistics Department, 2019). Their impact on the Hong Kong economy is substantial, because they relieve women of most domestic responsibilities, thus allowing them to work and increase household incomes (ENRICH, 2019). The Indonesian government laud migrant helpers as pahlawan devisa (heroines of remittance incomes), because of their decisive contribution to the country’s economy (Chan, 2014). Despite their vital economic roles, migrant mothers are confronted with the irony of female migration: although they are employed for their caregiving skills, they struggle to compensate for their absence from their own caregiving duties at home, exposing them to the stigma of being absent mothers (Chib et al., 2014).

The relationships between migrant mothers and their families exemplify contemporary relationships that are fluid and practices-based. The practices approach to family studies theorizes family as consisting of ritualized activities that people who consider themselves to be a family do, contrasting it with the traditional definition of family as households and blood ties (Morgan, 1996). Aligned with this approach, Finch (2007) proposed “displaying family,” a conceptual and analytical framework for understanding how families enact relationships and obtain validation from relevant others that their ritualized practices are, indeed, constitutive of a family. In Finch’s words, “families need to be ‘displayed’ as well as ‘done’” (p. 66). The urge to display family is more intensely felt by nonconventional families such as migrants (Cabalquinto, 2020; Walsh, 2018) and lesbian couples (Dempsey & Lindsay, 2018).

Returning to migrant mothers, their performance of family practices is problematic because of geographical distance and extended separation. However, research on migration has illuminated the profound transformation ushered in by mobile phones and the internet with regard to the meanings and practices of distant family intimacy. For example, migrant mothers can nurture and supervise their children from afar through text messaging, thus allowing them to reclaim a maternal identity (Uy-Tioco, 2007). Smartphones, a technological fusion of mobile telephony and the internet, have the potential to supercharge the performance of transnational family practices by generating a holistic environment of connective modes known as polymedia (Madianou & Miller, 2012). Within polymedia, migrant families navigate through multiple communication platforms including social media and instant messaging applications that conveniently converge on one device. Therefore, it is of timely significance to examine how family practices, specifically displaying family, are enacted by migrant mothers via smartphones, especially given their emotional attachment to their home community (Chib et al., 2014). Aligned with the practices approach, this study adopts a ritual perspective to understand everyday communication practices using smartphones as a conduit for enactment and presentation of family relationships in a transnational context.

The contribution of this study is twofold. Theoretically, it expands the concept of displaying family by exploring it in the context of mediated communication. This study proposes the term mediated family display to capture the technological mediation of the process whereby family members reflexively affirm their relationships in an integrated and mobile new media environment. Building on studies of displaying practices via transnational communication (Cabalquinto, 2018; Share et al., 2018), this study shows that family display is done not only through visual displays (e.g., Skype or mobile photography) but also through family narratives. This study also examines differentiated experiences of mediated family display, highlighting unsuccessful practices that we can call failed display. It argues that understanding failed display is crucial because it helps us understand the operating boundaries of effective contemporary migrant families.

This study also contributes to the literature by examining the consequences of smartphone communication for relationships and the identity of Indonesian migrant mothers, most of whom engage in domestic work. Although growing in number, Indonesian migrant mothers remain marginalized in the literature of mediated relationships, compared with their Filipino counterparts (Cabalquinto, 2020; Madianou & Miller, 2011; Kim, 2017; Uy-Tioco, 2007). Indonesian migrant mothers in Hong Kong possess distinctive sociocultural characteristics such as patriarchal family values rooted in Islamic virtues (Ho, 2015). Examining their communicative practices can enhance our understanding of smartphone use in different sociocultural contexts. Given the lack of literature on Indonesian migrant mothers’ communicative practices (with notable exceptions such as Chib et al., 2014), this study draws on the more advanced literature of Filipino migrant mothers. This is reasonable considering that Indonesian mothers are faced with the same kinds of gender-based stigma as their Filipino counterparts. These arise from the fear in the home society that the mother’s absence from home will lead to a generation of delinquent children (Constable, 2014).

The following section outlines the theoretical frameworks informing how this study conceptualized mediated family display via smartphone-mediated transnational communication.

Literature review

Mediated family display: A ritual perspective

Displaying family refers to “the processes by which individuals, and groups of individuals, convey to each other and relevant others that certain of their actions do constitute ‘doing family things’ and thereby confirm that these relationships are ‘family’ relationships” (Finch, 2007, p. 73). Aside from direct interactions, displaying family may also include visual presentations such as family photographs, and symbolic displays, for example, surnaming (Dempsey & Lindsay, 2018). Displaying family may also be performed through narratives, which are “stories which people tell to themselves and to others about their own family relationships, which enable them to be understood and situated as part of an accepted repertoire of what ‘family’ means.” (Finch, 2007, p. 78). Narratives help family members understand their relationships by establishing communicative rituals and nuances such as family talk (Morgan, 1996). Understanding narratives as being part of family practices is crucial because they trace alternative versions of the story told by different members, thus highlighting the power dynamics and authorial privilege: whose version of family gets to dominate and how it is told (Langellier & Peterson, 1993).

Displaying family has engendered scholarly debate, especially about the notion of audience. Finch (2007) asserted that the audience is the person actively participating in family life. However, other scholars have argued that family is not lived in a social vacuum; therefore, other social entities including schools (Haynes & Dermott, 2011) and bureaucratic institutions (Walsh, 2018) can also become the audience. Responding to this, Finch (2011) reiterated that the audience were people within the family and distinguished them from observers. She wrote, “where there are criticisms of the concept of display, authors tend to be writing about the process of observing display, utilizing examples of audiences which are external to families” (p. 204, emphasis in original). This article focuses on displaying family to internal members of the family including children, husbands, and parents. However, it should be noted that although the audience is within the family, their reaction toward the display might be influenced by the social environment outside of it.

Although displaying family was not limited to face-to-face settings, as apparent in Finch’s (2007) allusion to phone calls and text messages, early evidence came mostly from copresent families. Recent studies on Skype communication (Share et al., 2018) and mobile photography (Cabalquinto, 2020) have illuminated the possibilities for displaying family on mediated communication. This is particularly relevant to contemporary migrant families whose experiences of distant relationships are characterized by ever-increasing communication tools and channels within a one-stop communication device such as a smartphone (Madianou & Miller, 2012).

To appreciate how users select a certain mix of media and the consequences of such decisions for relationships, Madianou and Miller (2012) proposed the theory of polymedia based on their ethnography of transnational families. The authors observed that when the economic and technical barriers were removed, media choices become a matter of emotional and moral considerations. In a polymedia environment, each communicative act is reflective of how users experience a given relationship. Smartphones, the focus of this study, function as polymedia because users can decide which platforms to use (or avoid) based on their emotional concerns and intention with regard to the relationships (Madianou, 2014). Polymedia has been applied to various empirical contexts such as Mainland Chinese students in Hong Kong (Peng, 2016) and Taiwanese mothers participating in birth tourism in the United States (Kang, 2018).

Aside from the online environment within which mediated family display is enacted, this article also considers the processes of displaying family as a form of interaction ritual within the family sphere (Collins, 2004). This is consistent with the theorizing of intimacy among migrant families as a result of “routine rhythms of family life” (Parreñas, 2014, p. 429). By taking a ritual perspective, this study offers evidence of unsuccessful display by drawing on Collins’ idea of failed ritual. According to Collins, interaction rituals take the form of engrossing conversations in which there is a mutual focus and shared understanding of the meaning of the situation. They enhance solidarity by displaying a mutual sense of belonging and establishing barriers to outsiders. A ritual may also fail as in the case of boring parties and embarrassing conversations. When a ritual fails, people feel disappointed and socially detached. Failed rituals also expose people to “interaction fatigue” (Collins, 2004, p. 51), which makes them want to escape the conversation.

Drawing on Collins’ interaction ritual, Ling (2008) proposed that “rituals are not only enacted locally; they are also mediated” (p. 117). Ling (2008) noted that mediated rituals may also fail as in the case of awkward phone conversations and missed calls. Ling (2008) further argued that mobile phones are becoming a sine qua non of contemporary social relationships, altering the ways in which we socialize, express solidarity, and demarcate in-group boundaries. In the context of migrant families, Parreñas (2014) opined that rhythmic communication rituals comprising phone calls, daily texts from the Bible or Qur’an verses, and goodnight texts, generate emotional security for geographically dispersed families.

Migrant mothers and mobile phones

Mobile communication technologies have profoundly altered the circulation of care among migrant families by “de-demonizing distance,” that is minimizing the effects of time and space on caregiving (Baldassar, 2016, p. 161). Research has also shown that mobile phones generate transnational simultaneity, which enables migrant parents to overcome spatiotemporal barriers, thus allowing them to partake in family rituals from miles away (Paragas, 2009). Consequently, Paragas argued, migrant parents can perform parental duties with greater influence. Recent theorizing on transnational family relationships distinguishes between intimacy among copresent and migrant families (Parreñas, 2014). The former, Parreñas argued, is premised on the immediacy of contact, whereas the latter relies on routinized acts of communication. This distinction clarifies the indispensable role of new media in facilitating cross-border communication as a form of intimate labor.

The intimate labor of transnational family communication has implications for gender dynamics. For example, mobile connectivity has been criticized for being a conduit for the reproduction of normative gender roles (Kim, 2017). Parreñas (2005) noted that female migration defies gender conventions in patriarchal societies such as Indonesia by separating the mothers from the family so they can be the breadwinners. However, intensive caregiving via mobile phones effectively means the mothers are resuming stereotypical feminine roles, thus subverting their empowerment (Kim, 2017). Mothering via mobile phones requires women to maintain a “rhythmic pattern of communication” (Parreñas, 2014, p. 439). Failure to do so, Parreñas observed, results in accusations of parental neglect, more so toward migrant mothers than migrant fathers. Furthermore, even when the left-behind husbands agree to perform homemaking duties, the expectation remains that the mothers will use mobile phones to assist from afar so as to avoid bruising their husbands’ egos (Cabanes & Acedera, 2018).

Recent studies have acknowledged the complexity of constituting intimacy and identity through mediated communication, suggesting migrant mothers’ use of mobile phones is not mere acquiescence to traditional gender expectations. Based on their observation of Filipino mothers in the United Kingdom and their children in the Philippines, Madianou and Miller (2011) found that mobile phones facilitated the performance of child-rearing duties from afar. Instead of taking this as indicative of thwarted empowerment, the authors argued this performance of mothering is crucial for addressing “the ambivalence that is deeply ingrained in their decision to migrate or even prolong migration” (p. 467). Madianou (2012) further commented that although distant mothering via mobile phones is a bitter solution to separation, it accentuates the ability of migrant mothers to be in charge of their children’s upbringing and obtain respect for their financial contribution. Similarly, Chib and colleagues (2014) found that Indonesian migrant mothers in Singapore used mobile phones to resist the stigma of being an absent mother and cast them as active agents with the ability to learn, adapt, and respond to the demands of their social environment. The findings of these studies essentially relieved migrant mothers from the role of passive victims of communication technology as they are often characterized.

The discussion of migrant mothering should also take into account the availability of resources to foster mediated intimacy. Mediated communication does not happen in a social vacuum, and this is evident when looking at how various sociocultural factors influence the extent to which migrant families cultivate relationships through media. These factors include social class (Parreñas, 2005, Madianou, 2014), gender norms (Cabanes & Acedera, 2016), and age of parents (Kang, 2012). Cabalquinto (2018) found asymmetries in mobile intimacy among older migrants in Australia who tended to be less adept at using mobile phones, making their participation in family online activities reliant on the mediatory presence of other people. Madianou and Miller (2011) also found that the children’s age and the strength of the preexisting bond influenced the outcome of distant mothering. Against the technologically deterministic views of mediated intimacy, Madianou (2014) cautioned that “polymedia can enhance already existing relationships, but they will not simply solve problems associated with prolonged separation nor will they create relationships when there are none” (p. 677).

As a whole, research has established that mobile communication plays a critical role in the performance of family practices among migrant mothers, with the potential to reconfigure intimacy, identity, and domestic power structures. Therefore, the analysis of mediated family display among Indonesian migrant mothers in this study is guided by the following questions: How do smartphones shape the ways in which migrant mothers display family? What are the consequences of smartphone-mediated family display for the mothers’ identity and family power dynamics? Given the varying degrees of success in mediated relationships, what are the characteristics of unsuccessful mediated family display?

Method

This study is part of longitudinal ethnographic research into the impact of smartphones on migrant workers in Hong Kong and their families back home. The analysis presented here is based on participant observation and in-depth interviews with 30 Indonesian women working in Hong Kong as domestic helpers. Previous studies have shown the importance of an ethnographic approach for understanding new media among migrants because it allows us to “identify and understand their uses of media in the context of their everyday situations and life histories” (Lorenzana, 2016, p. 2194). This method generates opportunities for critical reflection on the migrant helpers’ differential experiences with new media for family communication and identity formation (Uy-Tioco, 2007). It has even been argued that investigating a new media environment necessarily requires an ethnographic approach to “unearth the nuanced ways in which people navigate the environment of social and other media and how this is shaped by relational dynamics.” (Madianou, 2015, p. 2).

Access to the migrant community was obtained through the leaders of two Hong Kong-based migrant organizations, the International Migrants Alliance and the Indonesian Migrant Workers Union. I volunteered to teach English to their members every Sunday in a shaded corner of Victoria Park, a large public area popular with Indonesian helpers at the weekend, and helped them with the translation of legal documents. In exchange, they often invited me to join their events, for example, Eid Al-Fitr 2020 and birthday parties. On two occasions, they invited me to be one of the judges for their singing competitions and Muslim fashion shows. This immersive participation helped me understand their lived experiences with media technologies and migration, most of which might escape surveys or structured interviews.

The interviews were conducted between July 2019 and June 2020 and took place in the park or a coffee house. They were conducted in Bahasa Indonesia after the respondents had signed a written consent form. Several respondents were interviewed more than once. On average, the interviews lasted for 90 min and were audio-recorded. They were then transcribed in Indonesian, and later translated into English. The interviews probed into the participants’ motivation for migrating and current family caregiving arrangements, as well as the history of their family communication. The latter allowed for a comparison between their current family communication and that during the time they relied on landlines and prepaid phones. They were also asked about their experiences with mediated intimacy and their postmigration plans. For privacy purposes, all names indicated here are pseudonyms.

In terms of demographic characteristics, the respondents’ ages were in the range 24–49. The majority had only completed middle school, but one had a bachelor’s degree. All but one respondent self-identified as Muslim. All 30 respondents were or had been married: 20 were divorced at the time of the interview; two had married more than once, and both marriages had ended in another divorce. All respondents had at least one child and the children’s ages were in the range 2–27. Most respondents earn HK$630 per month (minimum wage for domestic helpers in Hong Kong in 2020), but some have other income sources such as online shops and small catering businesses. On average, the respondents had been using smartphones for 5 years before the interview. Twelve respondents had had to take out loans to buy smartphones for themselves and their families when they first arrived in Hong Kong.

The analysis began with a thorough reading of the field notes and interview transcripts to get a broad understanding of the narratives. I then critically read the transcripts again to identify emerging themes based on previous studies discussed earlier, themes such as “symbolic communication,” “resisting stigma,” and “downsides of communication.” Subsequently, I used the constant comparison technique developed alongside the grounded theory approach (Glaser, 1965) to compare emerging themes in each individual respondent’s transcript and across the respondents. At this stage, key dimensions of mediated family display emerged.

Findings and discussion

The analysis revealed the processes and politics of mediated family display, illustrating how smartphones transformed the configuration of family practices as well as the power structures underpinning the interaction between Indonesian migrant mothers and their families. First, smartphones facilitated the display of maternal roles in a flexible, but highly selective manner. Displaying religiosity emerged as an important aspect of smartphone mothering, because adherence to Islamic virtues during migration symbolizes an unfaltering commitment to motherhood. Second, migrant mothers asserted authority over the structure of mediated family display, both materially and discursively. Third, smartphone communication materialized as a venue where migrant mothers display family rituals on the basis of their emotional motives and moral consideration. Finally, rather than being a foolproof practice, mediated family display as a ritual may fail and complicate relationships. This can be due to various sociotechnical factors including misinterpretation, lack of focus, and imbalance in technological competence.

On becoming smartphone mothers

The respondents’ recollections of family communication before the advent of smartphones were instructive in helping us to appreciate the characteristics of mediated family display. When they had used landlines, migrant mothers’ communication resembled a rigid family spectacle. Each phone call had to be arranged in advance and everyone in the family had to be present, if only to say hello or slip in a request for money. Yanni, a mother of one, narrated the story of her typical communication when she first arrived in Hong Kong without a smartphone:

That time I called my family once every two weeks. I told them what time I would call and everyone will be home. My parents would also come to my house to say hi. Then before we hang up, we’d determine when our next call will be.

Because phone calls were rare, they became special events that the family anticipated. Consequently, in most phone calls, the mothers were addressing the family as a group. This limited the opportunity for a private conversation with specific family members. Vero, a mother of two, said she could not confront her husband about their marriage problems because her in-laws and daughters were always around the phone in the living room when they talked. She said, “I had to show my parents I’m a good wife when I talk to my husband.” Even when using prepaid mobiles, the device was considered to be family property; children were not trusted to have their own phones because they might abuse the phone credit. Therefore, use of the family phone was usually supervised by the husbands who functioned as gatekeepers.

In contrast, migrant mothers’ display of maternal roles and responsibilities through smartphone communication was more flexible, direct, and intentional. Some respondents even took out a loan with a 64% interest rate to buy smartphones for their children just so they could talk to them directly. By gifting smartphones to their family, migrant mothers essentially created virtual stages on which they could display family from afar.

Displaying religiosity emerged as a key strategy to validate maternal identity. Indeed, migrant mothers often drew upon their religious convictions to rationalize their smartphone dependency. They perceived smartphone mothering as a practice aimed at renewing familial bonds. In Muslim philosophy, this is known as silahturahmi. Specifically, they regarded smartphone mothering as a privilege that allowed them to reclaim religious identity as a mother despite the distance. The wide selection of communication platforms within smartphones essentially brings them closer to the fulfillment of this religious aspiration.

An example of fulfilling maternal duties through a display of religiosity was found in Nia’s story. Nia, a mother of two, watched her youngest son practice his Qur’an recitation at night on WhatsApp. She said that through her smartphone she could take part in her son’s preparation for Khatam Al-Qur’an, a test of complete recitation of the Qur’an. She watched and listened to him as he recited the verses, correcting his breathing and pronunciation. When her son finally passed the test, she announced it on Facebook, via which many of her relatives, including her son’s guru mengaji (Qur’an recitation coach), congratulated her. She explained:

Being a mother is a privilege. Not all women can have children. In my religion, a mother must help her children grow into devoted Muslim individuals. They must be filial, able to recite Qur’an, practice Salah (daily prayers), and fast during Ramadhan. I don’t see this as a duty, I see it as a privilege.

Her son’s success in passing Khatam Al-Quran was Nia’s achievement as a Muslim mother. Aside from allowing Nia to perform her maternal duties, smartphones also offered a virtual stage on which she displayed these spiritual achievements through social media. These displaying acts helped solidify her relationship with her son as a fulfilling and religious mode of family. This rich interaction would have been inconvenient and unaffordable through a landline or prepaid mobile phone.

Directing mediated family display

A critical reading of the respondents’ communication structures revealed their elevated status in the family. Migrant mothers had the privilege of managing the logistics of family communication, highlighting their symbolic role as the directors of mediated family display. This is possible because smartphones offer multiple modes of connectivity, which means there are decisions to be made with regard to the time and place of communication, as well as in relation to the individuals for whom the mothers wish to be available. As noted, this was not an option when using landlines. Consequently, smartphone-mediated family interaction is more flexible but also highly selective; the mothers were constantly online, but were in touch only with a select few, mostly their parents and children.

Directing family display comprises material and discursive aspects. The former entails imposing rules of connection, whereas the latter involves framing family separation through narratives.

Imposing rules of connection

Migrant mothers directed mediated family display by imposing several rules of connection that family members in Indonesia must follow to accommodate the mothers’ needs for privacy, as well as their working and living conditions. These arrangements included the schedule, duration, and modes of communication. At times, when the mothers wished for some privacy, they used their work as an excuse to refuse to talk. Sonia explained the rules of connection she imposed:

They must only text me, not call. It’s not nice if my boss (the employing family) hears my phone ring. If I’m busy, I will reply to them “will call later.” They know I’m usually available on Sunday. But not in the afternoon, because I’m busy with the organization. They can’t force me to answer a call if I say I’m with my boss. So sometimes when I’m tired or lazy to talk, I’ll just say “I’m with my boss.”

The selection of individual members who are to be included in family communication is also part of the connection rules. Migrant mothers prioritized calling their parents, especially their mothers, who are in charge of childcare. Notably, the husbands’ presence in the family communication is marginalized compared with the time when landlines or prepaid mobile phones were the mode of communication. Indeed, most respondents said they limited their interaction with their husbands when they started to use smartphones, lending support to previous research showing access to smartphones does not equate to a tighter conjugal bond (Acedera & Yeoh, 2019). Some respondents said their conversations with their husbands often felt flat and boring. Others framed their scarce spousal communication as a form of everyday resistance to traditional norms in Indonesia that command the wife to “report” to her husband. Arianti, a migrant activist, said “We both make money, we are equal and I’m busy. I don’t need to tell him when I move around.”

The selectivity in family communication via smartphones is symptomatic of the migrant mothers’ ability to negotiate identity and power dynamics during migration. Leveraging their economic power, migrant mothers tactfully regulate family communication by deciding when and how to talk, as well as who to call. Given that their family life is lived almost exclusively via smartphone communication, determining these factors effectively means defining the shape and characteristics of the family.

Framing family separation through narratives

Smartphones also facilitated the framing, delivery, and maintenance of family narratives as a form of display. Narratives are an important part of family relationships because they allow the members to give meaning to their experiences collaboratively (Finch, 2007). The analysis revealed that migrant mothers have the authorial privilege (Langellier & Peterson, 1993) of crafting family narratives, allowing them to (re)define what family means. There are two distinct goals associated with this practice: normalizing the distance and upholding key family values.

First, through their conversations, the mothers framed their migration as a self-sacrifice for the benefit of the family. A common remark from the respondents with regard to their separation was “mau gimana lagi?” (what else can I do?), establishing their departure as beyond their control. During smartphone interaction, the mothers use this form of speech as a buffer against accusations of being a negligent mother.

Santi said that her daughter often asked her why they did not live together like their neighbors. She responded by reminding her daughter that it was a difficult decision to leave but she had to for the family: “I told her ‘I can stay there, but then what will we eat? Who will pay for your school? This is also for you.’” This narrative was perpetuated through their daily conversation; through their stories and promises, they reaffirmed each other’s commitment to the pursuit of family goals. The mothers promised they would return soon, and in exchange, the children promised to work hard at school. As these narratives became part of their family stories, it gave them hope for the future and reasons for their separation.

Second, migrant mothers displayed their family values through the strategic distribution of daily responsibilities, particularly those related to buying presents and disciplining the children. To do this, the mothers intentionally deferred some decisions to their husbands and parents. Saini asked her son to persuade his father to buy him a new laptop, even though she had already decided to buy it. She said, “I’m still the one who sent the money for the laptop. But we must teach the children to respect both parents.”

On average, the respondents earned twice as much as their husbands, a fact which afforded them stronger bargaining power in the family and invalidated the husband’s efforts to discipline the children through withholding resources. However, although the mothers could decide to buy graduation gifts or punish the children for misbehaving, they still asked them to talk to their fathers or grandparents first as a display of filial piety. By doing so, the mothers also displayed respect to their family and deflected possible accusations of arrogance. This is despite the fact that in the end, the mothers decide.

Displaying family rituals in a polymedia environment

Mediated family display was characterized by the establishment and maintenance of family rituals performed in a polymedia environment. Family rituals enable migrant mothers to crystalize their version of family at a given time. Smartphones, as polymedia, revealed how migrant mothers strategically use (and avoid) certain media platforms to display family to a particular audience, for example, parents, children, or husbands, depending on their perception of a given relationship.

Being able to video call is a distinguishing feature of smartphones, and it also offered the most intimate experience. Mothers usually used this facility to talk to their parents and children. Lily used WhatsApp video calling as part of her nighttime ritual with her son. During the fieldwork, the Indonesian government implemented large-scale social distancing, suspending all classes because of the COVID-19 outbreak. Lily took this as an opportunity to establish a new ritual with her 10-year-old son. She video called him every night and helped him with his schoolwork during the “study from home” period. At times, Lily had trouble answering her son’s mathematics questions given that she had only completed middle school. Nonetheless, their nightly video chat enabled her to display the integrity of her family in the face of a global health crisis.

Yes, sometimes I forget the answer, you know. I hired a private tutor for him because I’m not good at math. But now his teacher can’t teach him so I have to. But it’s fun and I think it’s important to show him we will be okay in this pandemic.

Importantly, migrant mothers believed that when it came to talking to their children, they should use video calls whenever possible. Surinem, a mother of two, said ever since she had had the facility to make a video call, it was her responsibility to “check on her children with eyes, not ears.” This sentiment attests to polymedia as moral accountability (Madianou & Miller, 2012) because migrant mothers demonstrate their maternal considerations when selecting a video as opposed to a voice call or texting when the situation permits.

Texting, particularly using WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger, emerged as a form of mediated interaction used as a tool for display. Mobile messaging is considered more flexible and it embodies symbolic value as a gift that crystalizes shared meanings and memories (Ling, 2008). Therefore, migrant mothers’ instant messages with their children were often seen as digital gifts that reminded them of their mutual involvement in each other’s life. Vero was interviewed during the holy month of Ramadhan when texting became part of her family morning ritual. She started her day by texting her daughter at the time of sahur (the last meal of the day during Ramadhan that is eaten before sunrise). Although her daughter rarely replied to her messages immediately, she said it was important that her daughter woke up to her words of encouragement because fasting is extremely difficult for young children.

Texting is not new for migrant mothers who have previously used prepaid mobile phones (Uy-Tioco, 2006). However, in polymedia, texting can be a form of resistance, because texting when video calling is possible symbolizes the intention to control information. Migrant mothers texted their husbands infrequently, and mostly for instrumental purposes such as informing them about remittances and business matters. Lily invested in a small grocery shop in Indonesia run by her husband. Although she video called her son every night before bed, she only texted her husband to manage inventories and the cash flow of their shop. By only using text messages, some mothers said they could be more in charge of what bits of information to share, including their whereabouts and what they had chosen to wear that day. Video calling her husband would, in Lily’s words, “reveal too much unnecessary details.”

Migrant mothers in this study agreed that voice and video calls are more intimate, but many of them chose texting for emotional reasons. Mulyanti, a mother of one, was hard on herself when asked to judge how she is as a mother. She said “I’d give myself zero marks. Maybe even minus. I wasn’t there to feed her or change her diapers.” Mulyanti had worked as a helper in Taiwan for 20 years, leaving her then 3-year-old daughter in the care of her sister in Indonesia. After working for 6 years, her visa renewal application was rejected. However, she continued to work illegally in the country for the next 14 years, during which she lost contact with her family. In 2016, she was arrested and deported by the Taiwanese immigration authorities. After 2 years in Indonesia, she left again, this time to go to Hong Kong.

Mulyanti was among the respondents whose familial bond had suffered severely because of years of separation. Interestingly, when she started to reestablish a relationship with her now 27-year-old daughter, she preferred to use text messages rather than voice or video calls, which she saw as being too emotional and confrontational. She feared the possibility of being confronted with her illegal stay in Taiwan, a topic she considered highly sensitive. Given their weak bond, emotion-laden interaction could do more harm than good. She said:

What is the point of talking every day? Talking is exhausting; you have to talk about a lot of things. I’m not good at chitchatting. Anyway, I know they always talk about my years in Taiwan, but I don’t want to. Texting is better. I don’t have to reply immediately.

Mulyanti’s story challenges the assumption that voice calls and video chats are always superior to text-based communication. In some cases, when emotions are harder to manage, mobile messaging proves to be a more effective tool for displaying relationships. This also attests to polymedia as emotional management (Madianou, 2014); some respondents chose texting because they believed they would be more capable of handling the emotional consequences of the interaction.

Failed display

The preceding sections have demonstrated how smartphones provide migrant mothers and their families with symbolic spaces and resources to validate relationships across borders in the processes of mediated family display. However, mediated family display is not a guaranteed success. It can also be unsuccessful. This means the goal of showing “this is my family and it works” is not achieved. The analysis revealed three sociotechnical factors that may undermine displaying practices and lead to failed display: misinterpretation of intention, lack of focus, and imbalance of technological competence. In sum, if successful display validates the mothers’ belief that their distant relationships are effective, failed display creates misunderstandings that widen the emotional gap between them and their family. Failed display may also create stressful encounters that are rife with conflict and hurt feelings.

First of all, because display involves communicating meanings, there could be a misunderstanding as to what those meanings are. For example, the mothers’ desire to be involved in their children’s lives via regular phone calls and text messages could be construed as an intention to impose surveillance. Nani said her teenage daughter had recently accused her of “asking too much information.” Her daughter also accused her of buying a smartphone just to nag her. Nani was saddened by the comment because she had taken out a loan to buy her daughter that smartphone. To her, inquiring about her daughter’s whereabouts was to display her maternal responsibility. It was, however, misconstrued by her daughter as stifling her independence. Nani said “My mother did that to me, always asked where I was. But kids these days, if you call them often, they think you are suffocating them.”

Another respondent, Elvi, recalled how her intention to show love to her daughter by buying her a smartphone and motorbike backfired because her daughter was bullied by her friends for having “nice things.” She narrated:

Only a few weeks ago she started sharing with me, but only a little bit. She said, “You know what, since you left abroad when I was small, my friends always bullied me.” In my community, not many people go abroad. Her friends called her “kemayu” (spoiled). “Ah, you are ‘kemayu’ because your mother lives abroad.” In actuality, she never did anything different . . . But her friends always treated her differently. This is what she finds hard to accept.

Elvi’s experience suggests that although the audience might be the internal members of the family, their reaction is not detached from their immediate social environment. Elvi intended to display her relationship with her daughter, but it was perceived differently by other people (her daughter’s classmates). This, in turn, affected how her daughter perceived it. Instead of bringing them closer together, Elvi’s displaying strategies complicated her relationship with her daughter, causing her to feel unappreciated.

Displaying family can fail because of the lack of mutual focus during smartphone communication. This is usually because the children are reluctant to participate in the display of relationships. Martina, a mother of one, lamented the fact that her son never called her proactively unless he needed money. She only talked to him if he happened to be home when Martina called her husband. Even then, her son sounded like he wanted to escape the conversation. She said: “He doesn’t like talking on the phone with me, he will just say ‘hm.. ya.. ya.. huh?’ He can’t take his eyes from video games.”

A mutual focus during mediated family interaction is important to ensure the success of family display. According to Collins (2004), rituals require “cooperation in keeping the momentary focus of attention and thus giving respect to both the persons who properly take part and to the situational reality as something worth a moment of being treated seriously” (p. 24). Interaction with an uncommitted audience, including distracted children, undermines the symbolic values of phone calls as rituals through which the mothers establish family rhythms.

Mediated family display may also fall flat because some family members are not sufficiently skilled to use the tools for display and play their roles effectively. There was a pronounced generational gap in technological competency between the respondents and their parents in Indonesia. Most respondents entrusted their young children to the care of their aging parents, many of whom did not use smartphones other than for making and receiving calls. The grandparents’ lack of digital skills not only limited the choice of tools they used to display solidarity but also created interactional stutters that prevented the interaction from flowing swiftly. Rosana said her parents were not comfortable with video calling, so she could only use voice calls. She felt helpless that she could not share her daily life through pictures and videos with her aging parents like most other people even though they had smartphones.

Conclusion

Drawing on ethnographic fieldwork and in-depth interviews, this study has illustrated the consequences of smartphones for the meanings and practices of transnational families among Indonesian mothers in Hong Kong. Guided by the concepts of polymedia (Madianou & Miller, 2012) and displaying family (Finch, 2007), the analysis presented here contributes to the literature by describing the processes and politics of mediated family display. Aligned with the practices approach (Morgan, 1996), this concept assumes that it is through the everyday and routine mediated encounters that social actors ascribe meanings to their activities as symbolic markers of “family.” Therefore, Vero’s seemingly mundane morning texts to her daughter and Nia’s nightly video chats with her son can be reflected upon as their intimate ways of mutually affirming their relationships at a given time. Although the concept is illustrated here through ethnographic vignettes of migrant mothers, mediated family display may also be relevant to other contemporary family contexts, especially given the increasingly mediated nature of our social relationships (Ling, 2008).

During mediated family display, migrant mothers used smartphones to perform and display their maternal roles creatively through the practice of smartphone mothering. Importantly, as far as Indonesian women in this study were concerned, smartphone mothering revolves around the performative acts of religiosity. Migrant mothers also have stronger bargaining power vis-à-vis other family members, something that results from their economic empowerment. Consequently, migrant mothers are able to direct mediated family display both materially, by determining the logistics of family communication, and narratively, by crafting family stories and displaying family values. Furthermore, the flexibility of smartphone communication highlights the intentionality of family interactions whereby rituals are enacted based on the mothers’ emotional and moral considerations, as opposed to there being technical and economic barriers as in the case of mothering via prepaid mobile phones.

The practices of mediated family display are subject to the constraints imposed by sociotechnical factors. This may lead to failed display. As with other performative communication, mediated family display is prone to misunderstanding what the mothers are displaying. Lack of focus also detracts from the legitimacy of the interaction, whereas the imbalance in technological skills frustrates the mothers and exacerbates their helplessness with regard to educating their aging parents in smartphone use. The cases of failed display are emblematic of the social embeddedness of mediated communication, reminding us that relationships cultivated via communication media are inalienable parts of the larger social reality and, as such, their development is subject to unequal symbolic resources (Madianou, 2014).

The idea that migrant mothers’ directed mediated family display, as emerged from the analysis, problematizes their depiction as passive victims of communication technologies (Kim, 2017; Parreñas, 2005). The victimization narrative might have arisen from the assumption (and expectation) that migrant mothers use mobile phones to establish intimacy by emulating the relationships of copresent families (Baldassar, 2016). However, as the evidence suggests, migrant mothers defined their family based on the rituals they perform within the context of their migration and the acknowledgment from relevant others, not on how closely they resemble traditional households. This article contends that the mothers’ ability to say “this is my family and it works” (Finch, 2007, p. 69, emphasis added) is indicative of an agency to use smartphones as a tool to resist the inferiority narrative surrounding their family arrangements.

The findings presented here should be considered within several limitations. The study relied on the mothers’ accounts of family communication and, thus, the voices of other family members were excluded. Future studies may adopt a transnational approach comparing the families abroad with those at home. In addition, future studies could further explore the idea of audience as opposed to observers (Finch, 2011) by looking at displaying family on social media where family and public life might intermingle.

Footnotes

Acknowledgements

I am indebted to Dr. Marko Skoric, Professor Tien-Tsung Lee, and Jeffry Oktavianus for commenting on the earlier drafts of this manuscript. I am also grateful to the three anonymous reviewers who generously provided feedback that helped improve this article. Finally, I would like to thank the International Migrants Alliance and the Indonesian Migrant Workers Union for warmly welcoming me into their communities.

Funding

The author disclosed receipt of the following financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article: This work was supported by a research expenses grant awarded by the Department of Media and Communication, City University of Hong Kong.

ORCID iD

Barui K Waruwu

Author biography

Barui K Waruwu is a PhD candidate in the Department of Media and Communication, City University of Hong Kong. His research examines the consequences of mobile communication technologies on the performance of various social rituals such as relationship maintenance and news authentication. He also studies how gender, race, and religion influence the digital practices among transnational families.

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