Theological Reflection on Suffering: Overcoming Anxiety and Depression during the COVID-19 Pandemic

“I was very anxious and falling into depression.” I was in this situation just a few months ago in the midst of the COVID-19 outbreak. The pandemic has had a harmful effect on public mental health which can even lead to psychological crises ¹ like anxiety and depression. The emergence and rapid spread of the virus have exacerbated anxiety in populations globally. ² Anxiety is the body’s natural response to stress. It is a feeling of fear or apprehension about what is to come. Anxiety about this virus can hyperactivate the amygdala—the gray matter of the brain which acts like a trigger-happy alarm and keeps people awake at night, lying in bed worrying about contracting the virus. ³ Depression, on the other hand, is viewed as a state of disinterest in daily activities. It is surmised that people facing a pandemic with no vaccination would result in fear of the unknown making them anxious, stressed and depressed. ⁴ There are different factors related to the pandemic that amplify depression—trauma from widespread disease, grief over losses of life, fear of getting sick, unprecedented physical distancing, financial concerns, loss of community, reduced access to caregivers, and others. ⁵ I am currently in a depressing situation which is aggravated since I belong to the immunocompromised due to previous illness which makes me more unfit to battle the virus fairly. With this, I started questioning the God of goodness, “why do I suffer?”

John Paul II’s apostolic letter Salvifici Doloris (On the Christian Meaning of Human Suffering) reiterates that to understand suffering and pain, one should look at it as inseparable from human existence as it is presented in different forms or dimensions. ⁶ In short, suffering seems to belong to humanity’s transcendence: it is one of those points in which in a certain sense they are “destined” to go beyond themselves, and they are called to this in a mysterious way. This clarification implies two significant themes or realizations. First, the suffering that we experienced from COVID-19 originates from humans’ own making. The brokenness of creation, and systemic/personal sin, are contributing factors in the rise and spread of things that endanger us all. God has created a world where all things are interconnected, and there are natural consequences when those connections are broken. ⁷ Second, suffering for Christians is characterized as beneficial. It is beneficial because it can unleash love in the human person, that unselfish gift of one’s “I” on behalf of other people, especially those who suffer. ⁸ Suffering can motivate a person for rehabilitation, turn away from evil, thus leading to renewal and conversion. I believe that suffering and pandemic are not what God has intended for all of us. In relation to these two views, I was able to overcome my mental health issues by translating and applying these themes to my own situation.

I have instilled to my whole system combined ways of overcoming suffering which are grounded on both realizations as reflected in Salvifici Doloris—acceptance, regular conversation with loved ones, and meditation. On the first realization, since suffering is an unavoidable part of human affairs, the attitude of “acceptance” became my initial step. I realize that I cannot move on towards my recovery if in the first place I cannot accept the fact that I am facing a real mental issue. The numerous sleepless nights, sweating while the air conditioning system is on, speedy heartbeat rate, always feeling afraid of contracting the virus, and many other unusual experiences validate that indeed I am suffering from a mental problem. Accepting my condition does not mean I will remain helpless and not try anything to overcome it. As Kabat-Zinn emphasizes,

acceptance does not, by any stretch of the imagination, mean passive resignation. Quite the opposite. It takes a huge amount of fortitude and motivation to accept what is—especially when you don’t like it—and then work wisely and effectively as best you possibly can with the circumstances you find yourself in and with the resources at your disposal, both inner and outer, to mitigate, heal, redirect, and change what can be changed. ⁹

Fostering acceptance helps one achieve important behavioral changes, such as overcoming depression or anxiety, coping with psychotic experiences, or sticking to a diet, which in turn may lead to an enhanced quality of life. ¹⁰ Being mindful that I have this unstable mental state helps me to systematically plan my next steps. For the second realization which focuses on the usefulness of suffering, that it can bring rehabilitation and renewal, I designed my daily schedule by having a regular conversation with my loved ones such as family and friends (face-to-face and online) and end the day with a relaxing meditation. Being more open with my emotions and what I am going through in general to the people around me helps me unload the heavy burden that I carry emotionally and mentally. The good fruit that I have gained from such revitalized social engagement is having renewed and stronger social ties which was an impossibility before the pandemic due to work commitments. The feeling of having a closer bond to the people around me enabled me to discover the uniqueness and mystery of being social beings. Yes indeed, we are social beings. Humans are inherently social. We are not special in this way; it is hard to think of any animal for whom the regulation of social behavior is not important. ¹¹ With this, I have not really noticed time passing so quickly. Unlike the previous scenario where it seemed like I was pushing every minute to pass just to reach night time for another battle with sleep, this time I felt more relaxed. What is more restful is when I end the day by undergoing a spiritual meditation. After a tiring and fruitful day of engagement and swapping stories with my family and friends, I prepared my sleep routine every night by listening to online podcasts. These podcasts promote biblical messages and are usually accompanied by reflective liturgical music/songs. Meditation is a universal spiritual wisdom and a practice found at the core of all the great religious traditions, leading from the mind to the heart. It is a way of simplicity, silence, and stillness which can be practiced by anyone, wherever you are on your life’s journey. ¹² I utilized the inspiring lyrics of the songs as a guide for starting as well as concluding the meditation process. Repeating these habits regularly enabled me to become a healthier person mentally and emotionally. I can say that they helped me greatly to overcome anxiety and depression.

In conclusion, suffering is the result of a fallen world and COVID-19 is a part of it. Instead of blaming God for allowing such an unfortunate reality or other people for abusing his freewill and disrupting the order of nature, the more sensible attitude is to find concrete ways of facing it. We are all called to live an authentic life. It is a life that, despite being in the midst of suffering, we remain composed for it will bring out the best in us. After all, we are created in God’s image and likeness, capable of goodness and love.