Self-regulation of the newlyweds in Taiwan: Goals and strategies

Abstract

The aim of this study is to explore the goals and strategies of self-regulation of the newlyweds in Taiwan. Through in-depth interviews with eight newlywed couples (N = 16), qualitative data were gathered and analyzed using thematic analysis. The findings revealed that, under the influence of their cultural values, the newlywed participants pursue the goals of genuine harmony and superficial harmony in their self-regulation for marital adjustment. Genuine harmony can be attained through people’s fulfillment of their role norms in in-law relationships and establishment of affiliations with spouses in marital relationships. On the other hand, superficial harmony can be maintained by people through keeping sketchy relationships with their in-laws and inhibiting anger to prevent open conflicts with their spouses. To achieve relational harmony, various strategies of self-regulation were used depending on the situations involved. Such strategies direct to the principle of zhong-yong (the Doctrine of Mean) involving holistic information processing and avoidance of extremities in implementation. Gender differences in self-regulation were found in both goals and strategies.

Keywords

Goals newlyweds in Taiwan self-regulation strategies value for harmony

No matter how rich or how poor we are,

I won’t complain.

I’ll still hold your hand tight,

because I am your wife.

— The song “家後 (Wife)” of 江蕙 (Hwei Jiang)

In marital relationships, traditional Taiwanese women endure all kinds of tribulations as shown in the above song lyrics of Hwei Chiang. However, in this modern era, more opportunities are being made available to Taiwanese women to attain higher level of education, and, as a result, the dynamics of marital relationships in Taiwan have been changed. The onus on maintaining a vigorous marital relationship is no longer solely dependent on women. Both husband and wife need to work on their marriage together (Hsiao, 2012). Therefore, besides being accommodating toward each other’s needs and emotions, the couple’s communication styles and mutual understanding of each other play vital roles in maintaining a healthy marital relationship.

In the early stage of marriage, both husband and wife must adjust themselves to live together as a married couple. For the benefits of the family, spouses should be able to regulate their emotions and behaviors to prevent conflict from occurring and thereby to keep their relationship healthy. The ability to self-regulate in times of relational conflict or partner transgression was found to result in better relationship outcome in many Western studies (e.g., Finkel & Campbell, 2001; Halford et al., 2007; Rawn & Vohs, 2006). However, little research has been done to uncover how married couples from collectivistic societies regulate themselves to cope with the challenges of relationship impediments. In comparison to Western societies which place more emphasis on independence and autonomy with the aim of changing the environment, married couples in collectivistic societies are inclined to favor interdependence and harmony that require adjustment of the self to fit in with various social situations (Trommsdorff, 2012). To fill the gap and advance the existing knowledge of relationship self-regulation for marital adjustment, this study seeks to explore the goals and strategies of self-regulation of the newlyweds in Taiwan, a collectivistic society.

Self-regulation

The terms of self-regulation and self-control have been used extensively and sometimes interchangeably in prior literature (Halford et al., 1994; Vohs & Ciarocco, 2004). For the purpose of the present study, self-regulation is a process that guides an individual’s goal-directed activities over time and across changing circumstances/contexts (Karoly, 1993; Shapiro & Schwartz, 2000). According to Karoly (1993), the process of self-regulation is initiated when routine activity is impeded or when goal directedness is otherwise made salient, such as the appearance of a challenge. Schematic depiction of the process of self-regulation has been broken down into three components: establishing a goal or desired state, engaging in appropriate behavior to obtain one’s goal, and monitoring progress toward the goal (Carver & Scheier, 2004).

Goals are the center of self-regulation. They represent reference values. By understanding the meanings of life goals, the probability of achieving one’s life goals may be enhanced. The complexity of goals and its effect have been described by prior researchers as being represented by a knowledge structure (Dillard, 2015; Shah & Kruglanski, 2000; Solomon et al., 2002). In the models of prior studies, goals are commonly thought to be organized hierarchically, with relatively few abstract goals (e.g., values) served by a large number of subgoals (e.g., principles, frames, plans, etc.) and lower-level strategies. Activation of a given goal would trigger specific frame (Solomon et al., 2002) or plan (Dillard, 2015) which may result in the use of relevant given means. These goal network models not only serve as useful tools for understanding individual goal pursuit but also provide insights into better understanding of our interpersonal relationships with others (Caughlin, 2010; Shah & Kruglanski, 2000).

Self-regulation and marital relationship

Prior studies have found that the formation and maintenance of strong social bonds are based in part on the degree to which people can achieve appropriate self-regulation (Vohs & Ciarocco, 2004). Self-regulation (or self-control) provides a means for people to improve their intimate relationships by suppressing their own selfish impulses for the good of their partners or the couple’s well-being (Finkel & Campbell, 2001; Rawn & Vohs, 2006). The hypothesis that an intimate relationship requires self-regulation arises from the idea that it is natural or habitual to defend the self in times of conflict by responding to an unkind act from one’s partner with a negative response. It takes self-control to override these self-centered responses and behave in a kind, selfless manner (Fitzsimons & Finkel, 2011; Rawn & Vohs, 2006).

Halford et al. (1994) proposed that relationship self-regulation is a useful means for partners to form the idea of working toward successful relationships. The idea of working at a relationship invokes the notions of partners’ attending to the influences on their relationship, setting a goal for self-change, and engaging in effective action to promote relationship satisfaction (Halford et al., 2007; Wilson et al., 2005). To explore the effect of individual self-regulation on marital relationships, Wilson et al. (2005) developed a measure to assess such process-based framework. The result of their study showed that, in the newlywed samples, each partner’s self-regulation effort was related to relationship satisfaction; however, for the long-term married couples, only men’s self-regulation effort was associated with relationship satisfaction. Post-2005 studies went further to reveal that self-regulation facilitates a wide range of constructive relationship behaviors, such as sacrifice and forgiveness (Karremans et al., 2015; Pronk & Righetti, 2015). Given the wide array of positive outcomes associated with self-regulation, it would make sense for relationship partners to strive for self-control or self-regulation skills (Pronk et al., 2019).

Relationship self-regulation of newlywed couples in Taiwan

In the early years of marriage, spouses discover new sides of themselves and their partners, and these discoveries may sometimes conflict with their prior expectations. In such situations, individuals may undergo the challenges of adapting and negotiating the newly adopted or modified roles that require self-regulation. In Taiwan, a collectivistic society with traditional Chinese cultural influence, marital relationships involve specific role norms, with husbands being the main breadwinners and wives being the homemakers. However, under the influence of industrialization and Western democracy, Taiwan has experienced tremendous political, economic, and social change (Yang, 1996). Confucian value for harmony and authority-oriented ethics are heavily accentuated in many domains of Taiwanese social life, along with the Western values of equality (Han et al., 2005). As a result, both traditional and modern cultural values have been shown to have an influence on people’s marital role divisions (Chang et al., 2018; Kao & Lu, 2006). Seeley and Gardner (2003) have discussed social orientation and self-regulation during interpersonal interactions and believed that people with high social orientation would be more inclined to self-regulate themselves. In Taiwanese society, the importance of others in defining self sets the norm for a person to act in accordance with external expectation to achieve interpersonal harmony (Gao, 1996; Shen et al., 2018). Attending and responding to others’ needs and wishes appear to provide the foundation for a viable relationship.

Taking an emic approach, Huang’s (2005) model of interpersonal harmony and conflict proposed two modes of interpersonal harmony, that is, genuine harmony and superficial harmony, and stressed the important role of relational context (type of relationship) to Chinese people’s conflict resolution behavior. According to Huang (2005), genuine harmony could be attained through fulfilling one’s role obligations (role-fitting) or through mutual understanding of the two parties (affiliation). On the other hand, superficial harmony may be maintained by keeping a distant relationship with the other party (alienation) or through inhibiting negative emotion to prevent open conflict (inhibition). Huang’s theoretical conceptualization of harmony may serve as a guiding framework to address self-regulation behavior of Taiwanese people with culturally Chinese background.

In terms of substance, previous models of self-regulation tend to focus on delineating the steps taken in self-regulation process. Unlike previous models which posit types of activity occurring in different regulation stages, this study aims at uncovering the content of each stage, particularly the specific goals pursued and variety of strategies used to reach such goals to provide a holistic picture of self-regulation. We propose the following research questions to guide our investigation.
RQ1: In which aspects of marital relationships that require self-regulation of Taiwanese newlywed couples?

RQ2: How do Taiwanese newlywed couples attend to self-regulation for marital adjustment?

Method

Most prior studies of relationship self-regulation have used quantitative methods to measure self-regulation through surveys and laboratory experiments with manipulation of self-regulatory strength depletion (e.g., Finkel & Campbell, 2001; Wilson et al., 2005). Unlike previous quantitative studies, this study uses a qualitative approach that focuses on in-depth descriptions of the contents of self-regulation of the newlywed couples (Sandelowski, 2000). The use of a qualitative approach in this study has enabled us to best capture the essences of Taiwanese married couples’ self-regulation through the stories they shared during interviews, thus allowing us to have a better understanding of their experiences of self-regulation.

Participants and procedures

Ninety-nine newly married couples were recruited through snowball sampling and invited to participate in a 3-year longitudinal study of marital adjustment (started from August 2007 to January 2011). The participants were from different areas of Taiwan, namely the northern, central, southern, and eastern parts of the country, to better reflect the representation of population.

In the second year of the study, 15 couples (30 individuals) were interviewed with regard to self-regulation for marital adjustment based on the consents that they had given for the interviews. The interviews with husbands and wives of the selected sample were conducted separately at various places, such as the participants’ homes, cafes, and so on. Each of the participants who took part in the interview was given a shopping voucher, worth NT$500 (equivalent to approximately US$16) from a local convenient store. The proposal for this study was approved by three academics who were members of the reviewing board for ensuring that the study complied with the ethnical requirements and standard procedures for conducting psychological research in Taiwan.

A semi-structured in-depth interview was employed as a data collection method for this study. Each interview lasted for 35–70 min, and the interviews were conducted by the primary researcher together with her four research assistants. Prior to the formal interviews, the interviewers underwent a 10-hr training session to familiarize themselves with the interviewing process. A pilot study was conducted to identify possible problems that might arise from the actual interviews. Each interviewer was given an interview schedule, which contains a list of questions to be asked. For clarity, a sample of the interview questions focusing on self-regulation in marital adjustment is displayed below:
What aspect of your marriage do you think you need to self-regulate for marital adjustment? Have you ever encountered problems in marital adjustment? Can you give examples?

What were your beliefs, feelings, and reactions to these adjustment problems or challenges?

How did you address marital adjustment problems, for example, major goals, guiding value, and principle of problem-solving? What were your thoughts back then? How did you feel? What did you do?

What happened after you took action(s)?

What happened afterward? Did you have any other thoughts or took any other actions?

What are your overall feelings about marital adjustment process?

In addition to the above interview questions, the interviewers conducted on-site probes based on the responses of the participants. All interviews were tape-recorded and transcribed verbatim.

Turning to data analysis, despite the interviews with 15 couples, only the data gathered from a subsample of 8 couples (16 participants) were analyzed and presented in this study since they provided richer and more in-depth information on self-regulation for marital adjustment.¹ The demographic information of the eight couples is presented in Table 1 as above.

Table 1.
Demographic information of the participants.

Code number Residence Family members Duration of marriage Number of children

011H, 012W New Taipei None 1 year, 8 months 0

021H, 022W New Taipei Husband’s sister 1 year, 3 months 0

031H, 032W Taipei Husband’s brother 11 months 0

041H, 042W Tainan Husband’s parents and a child 1 year, 11 months 1

051H, 052W Taipei None 7 months 0

061H, 062W New Taipei Children 1 year, 10 months 2

071H, 072W Hualien Children 1 year 1

081H, 082W Taichung None 1 year, 4 months 0

Thematic analysis approach proposed by Braun and Clarke (2006) was used to analyze the interview data. It is a method for identifying, analyzing, and reporting patterns (themes) in the data. At the first stage, the researchers familiarized themselves with the data by reading and re-reading the transcripts, while marking ideas for coding at the same time. Once the researchers had familiarized themselves with the data and generated an initial list of ideas about the contents of the relevant data, they began to generate initial codes from the data in a systematic manner across the entire data set and collate data relevant to each code. The next phase involves searching for themes by sorting the different codes into potential themes and collating all the relevant coded data extracts within the identified themes.

Once a set of themes and subthemes had been identified and devised, the researchers began to review and refine those themes in relation to the coded extracts and the entire data set. The next phase involves the ongoing process of reviewing and refining the themes to generate a thematic model. Finally, the researchers carried out an evaluation on whether the temporary thematic model was commensurate with the data at large.

Results

Our analysis of the collected data revealed that the newlywed husbands and wives unanimously expressed their hope for relational harmony when they were confronted with the issue of adaptation in marriage. Irrespective of the circumstances involved, the ultimate goal for self-regulation of most newlywed participants is to achieve “harmony” in their marriages and families. The participants’ value for harmony echoes the study of Huang (2005) which proposed that individuals pursued different types of harmony, namely, genuine and superficial harmony along with their subtypes.

The findings of this study revealed two major areas of marital adjustment which require self-regulation of the participants: adjustment of the couples to the lifestyles of their in-laws, and adjustment between the couples. To proceed with such adjustments, the value for harmony serves as a guide in the participants’ pursuit of the common goals of genuine harmony and superficial harmony in their in-law and marital relationships respectively, along with principles and strategies. Value is a standard of behavior regarded as important in one’s life. A goal can be defined as an aim or a desired result. A principle is a proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior. A strategy is a general plan or action intended to achieve goal.

Since harmony in in-law and marital relationships involve different dynamics, we employ two models to depict the participants’ adaptive self-regulated behavior (see Figures 1 and 2). The findings will be organized and centered on the common goals for “genuine harmony” and “superficial harmony” at the second levels with the guiding value for harmony placed at the top levels, followed by the principles placed below at the third levels, and strategies used to attain the goals at the bottom levels. Details of the findings are presented below in a hierarchical order with the relevant interview excerpts or paraphrases.

Figure 1.
A model depicting adaptive self-regulated behavior of newlywed couples in accordance with the lifestyles of their in-laws.

Figure 2.
A model depicting adaptive self-regulated behavior of newlywed couples.

Participants’ adaptive self-regulated behavior to the lifestyles of their in-laws

Goal to achieve genuine harmony through role-fitting

In Chinese societies, wives are expected to adapt themselves to the lifestyles (or ways of living) of their husbands’ family members. Establishing harmonious relationships with their in-laws is seen as an essential obligation or responsibility expected of women after marriage, as illustrated in Figure 1. According to Huang (2005), when a wife is able to establish harmonious relationships with her in-laws, she has achieved “role-fitting harmony,” which is one type of genuine harmony (p. 548).

Pleasing in-laws as the basic principle

Participant 032W, a 30-year-old newly married wife who lived with her in-laws, described her credos when she interacted with her husband’s family as follows:
I wished for perfect harmony and happiness with my in-laws. ‘Harmony and happiness’ meant that there is no conflict in the family and everybody is happy…. I highly regard the elderly of the family. My main concern is familial harmony and happiness.
This narrative reflects the participant’s value for harmony and her ultimate goal for achieving harmony with her in-laws through pleasing them or making them happy.

Strategies of self-regulation to achieve genuine harmony

The findings showed that the participants used the following strategies to achieve genuine harmony.

Changing self

For the sake of familial harmony and happiness, most married women are willing to change themselves to accommodate the needs of their in-laws. Participant 042W, a young wife who lived with her parents-in-law, indicated that she would take an initiative to change herself because it is more difficult to change others than oneself. So long as everyone in the family is happy, she would be willing to change herself to meet the needs of other family members, regardless of whether it is fair or not. As she put it,
I just murmured in my mind. That’s all that I could do to please others in the family. I just let it be because nothing would change even if I were to speak out. When it was difficult to change others’ habits, I would first change myself to suit the needs of others.

Carefully evaluating the situation

Although most women in our study expressed a willingness to change for the sake of family harmony, they did not entirely accept the prevailing views on a daughter-in-law’s traditional roles, including the need to be silent, hard-working, and compliant. They would check to see whether the requests of their in-laws are reasonable before deciding whether to adapt themselves or not. As participant 042W put it: “When it comes to the issue of child rearing, I would follow my mind even if my parents-in-law have different opinions….”

Goal to achieve superficial harmony through alienation

When the goals for genuine harmony cannot be achieved, the individuals will pursue superficial harmony instead. It is especially true for men. When husbands encounter adaptive problems with their wives’ families of origin, they tend not to change like wives. Instead, they change their goals to keep distance from their wives’ families and maintain an “alienated harmonious relationship” with them. This alienated relationship is one type of superficial harmony as defined by Huang (2005) in her theoretical framework (p. 549).

Being polite as the basic principle

In one’s interaction with others, politeness is a principle that an individual would adhere to in order to maintain superficial harmony in a relationship. After realizing how difficult it was to elicit any change in behaviors and thoughts of his parents-in-law, a newly married husband, 041H, tried to be courteous when he visited his in-laws with his wife in an attempt to maintain superficial harmonious relationships with them by saying:
Frankly speaking, regarding my relationships with my in-laws, even though I am not used to their way of life, I would not speak out or make any comments because they do not live with me and my spouse permanently, and we only visit them occasionally.

Strategies of self-regulation to achieve superficial harmony

Detachment

Maintaining genuine harmonious relationships among family members is paramount to Taiwanese/Chinese culture. However, in situations where genuine familial harmony is unattainable, the best approach that one could take is to turn a blind eye to the fact that it is impossible to elicit changes from a member of the family. In doing so, a superficial harmonious relationship can be established and maintained among family members while achieving genuine familial harmony appears impossible. As participant 041H enunciates, “the best strategy is to ignore the real issue by not being involved in the conflict situation so that a harmonious relationship can be maintained.

Participants’ adaptive self-regulated behavior to their spouses

Goal to achieve genuine harmony with spouses through affiliation

Nowadays, most Taiwanese couples no longer live with their parents and, as a result, they have more time for each other. The ongoing processes of mutual adaptation and regulation are requisite for the maintenance of a healthy, loving relationship between couples. The findings of this study revealed that the meta-goal of couple relationships is to achieve harmony, as illustrated in Figure 2. The newlywed couples would like to achieve genuine harmony characterized by intimate affection and well-balanced interaction. This type of harmony is defined by Huang (2005) as “affiliated harmony” (p. 548).

Getting along and avoiding conflict as basic principles

The ultimate goal for newly married couples is to achieve genuine harmony in their marriage. For a newlywed couple, an ideal relationship is to care for each other and be willing to adapt themselves to the needs and lifestyles of their partner. Although they may have arguments with each other, their ultimate goal is to talk things out and restore harmony and equilibrium into their relationship. This study discovered that the two specific principles for attaining the goal of genuine harmony for the participants are getting along and avoiding conflict with each other, as reflected in the following interview excerpt of Participant 011H (husband).
I think the premise is not hurting the harmonious feeling between the two of us. If she is really upset, I’ll stop complaining or insisting on my opinion. It is important to maintain good atmosphere and avoid getting into quarrels.

Strategies of self-regulation to achieve genuine harmony

Indirect expression

To achieve genuine harmony in the marital relationship, a couple would avoid direct confrontation because it always leads to conflict. As a young wife with twin boys (062W) put it, “to enact change in my husband, I would use an indirect and tactful expression to let him know the details of the event that took place.” Likewise, participant 011H indicated that “the use of indirect expression was a more effective strategy when I tried to communicate with my newlywed wife” after several fights and quarrels with his wife.

Accommodating partner’s needs

Besides indirect expression, positive responsiveness to a partner’s request induces more readiness for change of attitude by the partner.² Participant 062W said that the sacrifice she made in giving up her career was in response to her husband’s request for her to stay at home to look after the children while he is at work during the day. She indicated that: “Since my husband does his best to change himself for the sake of the family, I would be willing to give up my career so that I could stay at home to look after my children.” Likewise, Participant 011H accommodated his wife’s needs with concern and support by indicating that, “I would like to show my concern for her. I often helped her with housework. It was a different scenario from my childhood, whereby I only had to do work for myself.”

Yielding

When there are conflicts in their relationships, the couple would avoid getting into a win–lose situation. Yielding is the strategy used to resolve conflicts between couples. Participant 082W related her experience by saying:
For a long time, we can’t find a common ground in terms of dividing the household chores between us. Later, I decided to take a step back for I had no longer held on, unyieldingly, to my own opinion. Even if I had won the argument, both of us were unhappy.
Echoing similar sentiment, participant 051H, a young husband, tried to avoid conflict by stating: “You don’t win or lose a quarrel against your partner. When one wins this time, the other holds grudges in his or her heart…. I would concede and follow her wish when it’s necessary.”

Goal to achieve superficial harmony through inhibition

When the goal of genuine harmony is unachievable, one will change his or her goal to attain superficial harmony. Even though there may be animosity in the relationship between a couple, both husband and wife must try to find ways to keep their marital relationship intact. Under such circumstances, an individual would set concrete goals to achieve superficial harmony through suppressing negative emotion and dissatisfaction. This scenario is defined by Huang (2005) as “inhibited harmony” (p. 550).

Releasing stress and repressing anger as basic principles

Releasing stress and suppressing anger are the basic principles for newly married couples to attain the goal of superficial harmony and keep their relationship functioning. Participant 031H chose to compromise after failing to change his wife’s “bad” habits by stating: “…because of her temper, there is no way I can change her…. So I compromise, trying to maintain a harmonious relationship and not to let things get out of hand.”

Strategies of self-regulation to achieve superficial harmony

Letting go

Letting go is a stress-releasing technique used by participant 031H to relax and restore his equilibrium when he was stressed out with his wife. As he put it,
After encountered numerous setbacks, it seemed to me that all I could do was to give up on trying to change my wife’s bad habits and would no longer interfere with her way of doing things.

Shifting attention

When Participant 031H realized that he was losing his patience, he would go outdoors to calm himself down “by partaking in mountain-climbing activity.” In doing so, he was able to release his negative emotions and gained positive energy for the coming week.

Likewise, when participant 032W could not resolve the problems in her marital relationship, she would tried to shift her attention by playing with her cats to eliminate (or neutralize) her negative emotions arising from anger. After she had calmed herself down, she could then reflect upon herself and discuss the issue with her husband diplomatically.

Tolerance

Whenever the couple was not able to resolve their conflicts, tolerance seems to be the strategy used to repress the arousal of negative emotions to maintain a superficial harmonious relationship between husband and wife. Participant 032W chose to repress her anger as elaborated below.
…oftentimes my husband would push me beyond my personal limits to the point that I was no longer able to put up with his attitude and behavior. To keep our marriage intact, I tried to repress my anger on several occasions for fear that, if I had not learnt to control my anger and emotions, my marriage would have been collapsed one day.

Discussion

According to Halford et al. (1994, 2007), individual self-regulation is highly correlated with marital satisfaction. In Taiwanese/Chinese societies which value harmony in relationships, the motivation of self-regulation is stronger than in Western societies (Seeley & Gardner, 2003; Shen et al., 2018). Analysis of the collected data showed major goals and strategies of Taiwanese newlyweds’ self-regulation. Specifically, the participants pursue the goals of genuine harmony by abiding by their role norms of making their in-laws happy and adhering to the principle of establishing affiliations with their spouses through getting along and avoiding conflicts. When it is difficult to attain genuine harmony, the participants would seek superficial harmony instead by following the basic rule of politeness to their in-laws and inhibiting anger to prevent open conflicts with their spouses. There are different regulatory strategies to achieve the goals of harmony in the contexts of in-law and marital relationships. It was found in this study that most of the participants avoided using direct confrontational strategies and preferred indirect strategies, such as changing self, using indirect expression, shifting attention, or tolerance.

The importance of harmony to ethnic Chinese can be traced back to Confucius who advocated that the cultural value for internal harmony should be treasured as the highest value within a family. Such a value system was gradually formed and sustained by the agricultural ecology of traditional Chinese society (Hwang, 1997-8). To distribute limited resources among members of a group, it was necessary to emphasize the value of harmony (Hwang, 1997-8). Once the value system was formed, it became the hard core of Chinese culture and was resistant to change. The findings of this study echo Huang’s (2005) theoretical conceptualization postulating that, to understand relationship self-regulation of people with Chinese cultural background, it is essential to take into consideration their value of harmony and the specific context of interpersonal relationships involved.

The findings of the study are consistent with the prior study which characterized people with collectivistic cultural background as high motivator of self-regulation (Shen et al., 2018). These findings also suggest that “zhong yong (中庸)” or the Doctrine of Mean serves as the guiding principle for self-regulation of the culturally Chinese interpersonal relationships. Interpersonal harmony is the primary goal of “zhong yong” which involves not only self-awareness and adjustment but also taking appropriate actions according to external situations (Chiu, 2000). People with “zhong yong” thinking are less likely to take extreme perspectives and tend to seek proper ways to resolve conflicts when encountering opposing ideas (Cheung et al., 2003). The participants’ use of indirect and flexible strategies to achieve the goal of harmony during marital adjustment, such as wives’ careful evaluation of the situation for proper adaptation decision-making found in this study, can demonstrate how “zhong yong” thinking has been influential to Taiwanese in daily life.

In Taiwanese society, people’s marital lives are strongly linked to their extended families. The practice of the patriarchal family system in Taiwan expects a newly married woman to fit in with her husband’s extended family (Wu et al., 2010). Based on these social norms, Taiwanese women are expected to adjust themselves to be in accordance with the lifestyles of their in-laws during marital adjustment, while the same would not be expected of men. These gender differences are supported by the findings of this study revealing that female participants take proactive actions to achieve genuine harmony with their in-laws by fulfilling their role norms, such as pleasing their in-laws and changing themselves to fit in, whereas male participants simply adhere to the basic rule of politeness and choose a distant way of interaction with their in-laws (Gu, 1990; Worley & Samp, 2019). Since the resources of self-regulation are limited, this long-term and ongoing self-regulation may deplete Taiwanese newlywed women’s cognitive resources, make them lose control of their temper and behavior, and put them at risk of physical and mental problems (Fitzsimons & Finkel, 2011; Gilbert et al., 1988).

On the other hand, along with industrialization and globalization, equality-related values of Western origin have penetrated into various aspects of people’s lives, thus making Taiwanese culture become a hybrid of the East and West (Han et al., 2005). The findings showing that some women in this study refuse to self-regulate themselves to meet the social expectation of submissiveness may serve as a reflection of such social change.

Limitations and suggestions for future research

While this study has gathered in-depth data relating to the goals and strategies of self-regulation for Taiwanese newlyweds, the nature of the qualitative research method somewhat confines the findings to marital relationships and the research context of Taiwan. This confinement suggests that the findings of this study may not be applicable to the experiences of self-regulation of people in different cultural and relational contexts. Owing to the Taiwanese focus on relational harmony and their tendency to use indirect self-regulatory strategies, the findings of this study may not be applicable to self-regulation of newlyweds from Western societies with different cultural backgrounds. Despite so, the findings of this study suggest goals and strategies for self-regulation of the newlyweds in the Taiwanese/Chinese context that may be useful to Westerners who may come into contact with ethnic Chinese. The findings may also provide guidance for family members or marriage counselors/therapists who work with ethnic Chinese for problems in their relationships.

As for suggestions for future research, since this study is highly qualitative, it is recommended that quantitative studies be conducted to substantiate the findings of this study through measuring the proposed constructs and investigating whether the pursuit of the goal for harmony through the stated strategies can contribute to satisfaction of marital relationships (Halford et al., 2007; Wilson et al., 2005). In the study of Chen (2009), it was found that most Chinese couples value harmony in their relationships and would avoid conflicts in their marriages so that they would be able to enjoy many years of marital bliss. It was also found in the cross-cultural study of Oetzel and Ting-Toomey (2003) that, in time of problem-solving, members of individualistic cultures were reported using direct statements of their preference, while members of collectivistic cultures tend to be obliging toward the other party in an attempt to resolve conflicts. In view of the aforesaid, it is recommended that future studies be conducted to not only substantiate the results of this study but also uncover the cultural differences (e.g., between American and Chinese) in term of goals and strategies of relational self-regulation of married couples.

Conclusion

Empirical studies that focus on relationship self-regulation in collectivistic culture are scarce. This study has uncovered the goals and strategies of Taiwanese newlyweds’ self-regulation processes to shed light on the relevant experiences of ethnic Chinese population. The findings of this study can advance the existing knowledge on self-regulation by providing models that focus on self-regulatory goals and strategies that guide Taiwanese couples to cope with adjustment problems they encounter at the early stage of their marriages. In addition, the findings have implications for professionals who are helping ethnic Chinese couples with marital adjustment problems.

Code number	Residence	Family members	Duration of marriage	Number of children
011H, 012W	New Taipei	None	1 year, 8 months	0
021H, 022W	New Taipei	Husband’s sister	1 year, 3 months	0
031H, 032W	Taipei	Husband’s brother	11 months	0
041H, 042W	Tainan	Husband’s parents and a child	1 year, 11 months	1
051H, 052W	Taipei	None	7 months	0
061H, 062W	New Taipei	Children	1 year, 10 months	2
071H, 072W	Hualien	Children	1 year	1
081H, 082W	Taichung	None	1 year, 4 months	0

Footnotes

Funding

The authors disclosed receipt of the following financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article: The authors would like to express their gratitude to the Ministry of Science and Technology in Taiwan for its funding to this research project.

Open research statement

As part of IARR’s encouragement of open research practices, the authors have provided the following information: This research was not pre-registered. The data used in the research are available. The data can be obtained by emailing: scchang@cc.shu.edu.tw

ORCID iDs

Szu-Chia Chang

Jenny Hsiu-Ying Chang

Notes

References

Braun

Clarke

(2006). Using thematic analysis in psychology. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3(2), 77–101. https://doi.org/10.1191/1478088706qp063oa

Carver

C. S.

Scheier

M. F.

(2004). On the structure of behavior regulation. In Boekaert

Pintrich

P. R.

Zeidner

(Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation (pp. 41–84). Academic Press.

Caughlin

J. P.

(2010). A Multiple goals theory of personal relationships: Conceptual integration and program overview. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(6), 824–848. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510373262

Chang

S. C.

Hsu

S. C.

W. H.

(2018). “Good new men” and “good new women?” Role obligations in contemporary Chinese marital relationship [in Chinese]. Indigenous Psychological Research in Chinese Societies, 50, 209–261.

Chen

P. H.

(2009). A Counseling model for self-relation coordination for Chinese clients with interpersonal conflicts. The Counseling Psychologist, 37(7), 987–1009. https://doi.org/10.1177/0011000009339975

Cheung

T. S.

Chan

H. M.

Chan

K. M.

King

A. Y. C.

Chiu

C. Y.

Yang

C. F.

(2003). On Zongyong rationality: The Confucian doctrine of the mean as a missing link between instrumental rationality and communicative rationality. Asian Journal of Social Science, 31(1), 107–127. https://doi.org/10.1163/156853103764778559

Chiu

C. Y.

(2000). Assessment of Chong-Yong (Dialectic) thinking: Preliminary findings from a cross-regional study [in Chinese]. Hong Kong Journal of Social Science, 18, 33–55.

Dillard

J. P.

(2015). Goal-plans-action theory of message production: Making influence messages. In Braithwaite

D. O.

Schrodt

(Eds.), Engaging theories of interpersonal communication: Multiple perspectives (2nd ed., pp. 63–74). Sage.

Finkel

E. J.

Campbell

W. K.

(2001). Self-control and accommodation in close relationships: An Interdependence analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(2), 263–277. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.81.2.263

10.

Fitzsimons

G. M.

Finkel

E. J.

(2011). The effects of self-regulation on social relationships. In Vohs

K. D.

Baumeister

R. F.

(Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation: Research, theory, and applications (2nd ed., pp. 407–421). Academic Press.

11.

Gao

(1996). Self and other: A Chinese perspective on interpersonal relationship. In Gudykunst

W. B.

Ting-Toomey

Nishida

(Eds.), Communication in personal relationship across cultures (pp. 81–101). Sage.

12.

Gilbert

D. T.

Krull

D. S.

Pelham

B. W.

(1988). Of thoughts unspoken: Social inference and the self-regulation of behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 55(2), 685–694. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.55.5.685

13.

(1990). Politeness phenomena in modern Chinese. Journal of Pragmatics, 14(2), 237–257. https://doi.org/10.1016/0378-2166(90)90082-O

14.

Halford

W. K.

Lizzio

Wilson

K. L.

Occhipinti

(2007). Does working at your marriage help? Couple relationship self-regulation and satisfaction in the first 4 years of marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 185–194. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.185

15.

Halford

W. K.

Sanders

M. R.

Behrens

B. C.

(1994). Self-regulation in behavioral couples’ therapy. Behavior Therapy, 25(3), 431–452. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0005-7894(05)80156-X

16.

Han

K.-H.

M.-C.

Hwang

K.-K.

(2005). Cognitive responses to favor requests from different social targets in a Confucian society. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(2), 283–294. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407505050952

17.

Hsiao

Y. L.

(2012). The nature and predictors of changes in marital satisfaction over the first 3 years of marriage [in Chinese]. Chinese Journal of Psychology, 54(4), 433–450.

18.

Huang

L. L.

(2005). Interpersonal harmony and conflict [in Chinese]. In Yang

K. S.

Hwang

K. K.

Yang

C. F.

(Eds.), Chinese indigenized psychology (pp. 521–566). Yuan-Liou Publishing.

19.

Hwang

K. K.

(1997-8). Guanxi and Mientze: Conflict resolution in Chinese society. Intercultural Communication Studies, 1, 17–42.

20.

Jiang

(2001). The lyrics for the song “家後 (The wife).” https://www.kkbox.com/tw/tc/song/EQXVI5504QG61Ht45Ht450P4-index.html

21.

Kao

S. F.

(2006). The relationship of congruence in psychological traditionality/modernity to marital adjustment [in Chinese]. Indigenous Psychological Research in Chinese Societies, 25, 47–100.

22.

Karoly

(1993). Mechanisms of self-regulation: A systems view. Annual Review of Psychology, 44, 23–52. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.ps.44.020193.000323

23.

Karremans

J. C.

Pronk

T. M.

van der Wal

R. C.

(2015). Executive control and relationship maintenance processes: An empirical overview and theoretical integration. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 9(7), 333–347. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12177

24.

Oetzel

J. G.

Ting-Toomey

(2003). Face concerns in interpersonal conflict: A cross-cultural empirical test of the face negotiation theory. Communication Research, 30(6), 599–624. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650203257841

25.

Pronk

T. M.

Buyukcan-Tetik

Iliás

M. M. A. H.

Finkenauer

(2019). Marriage as a training ground: Examining change in self-control and forgiveness over the first 4 years of marriage. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(1), 109–130. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517721065

26.

Pronk

T. M.

Righetti

(2015). How executive control promotes happy relationships and a well-balanced life. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1, 14–17.

27.

Rawn

C. D.

Vohs

(2006). The Importance of self-regulation for interpersonal functioning. In Vohs

K. D.

Finkel

E. J.

(Eds.), Self and relationships: Connecting intrapersonal and interpersonal processes (pp. 15–31). Gilford.

28.

Sandelowski

(2000). What happen to qualitative description. Research in Nursing & Health, 23, 334–340.

29.

Seeley

E. A.

Gardner

W. L.

(2003). The “selfless” and self-regulation: The role of chronic other-orientation in averting self-regulatory depletion. Self and Identity, 2(2), 103–117. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309034

30.

Shah

J. Y.

Kruglanski

A. W.

(2000). Aspects of goal networks: Implications for self-regulation. In Boekaerts

Pintrich

P. R.

Zeidner

(Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation (pp. 85–110). Academic Press.

31.

Shapiro

S. L.

Schwartz

G. E.

(2000). The role of intention in self-regulation. In Boekaerts

Pintrich

P. R.

Zeidner

(Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation (pp. 253–273). Academic Press.

32.

Shen

J. J.

Cheah

C. S. L.

(2018). Asian American and European American emerging adults’ perceived parenting styles and self-regulation ability. Asian American Journal of Psychology, 9(2), 140–148. https://doi.org/10.1037/aap0000099

33.

Solomon

D. H.

Dillard

J. P.

Anderson

J. W.

(2002). Episode type, attachment orientation, and frame silence: Evidence for a theory of relational framing. Human Communication Research, 28(1), 136–152. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.2002.tb00801.x

34.

Trommsdorff

(2012). Development of “agentic” regulation in cultural context: The role of self and world views. Child Development Perspectives, 6(1), 19–26. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1750-8606.2011.00224.x

35.

Vohs

K. D.

Ciarocco

N. J.

(2004). Interpersonal functioning requires self-regulation. In Baumeister

B. F.

Vohs

K. D.

(Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation: Research, theory, and applications (pp. 392–407). Gilford.

36.

Wilson

K. L.

Charker

Lizzio

A. J.

Halford

W. K.

Kimlin

(2005). Assessing how much couples work at their relationships: The behavioral self-regulation for effective relationships scale. Journal of Family Psychology, 19(3), 385–393. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.19.3.385

37.

Worley

T. R.

Samp

J. A.

(2019). Dyadic power, marital status, face concerns, and politeness in the context of relational complaining. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1367–1391. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518765988

38.

T. F.

Yeh

K. H.

Cross

S. E.

Larson

L. M.

Wang

Y. C.

Tsai

Y. L.

(2010). Conflict with mother-in-law and Taiwanese women’s marital satisfaction: The moderating role of husband support. The counseling Psychologist, 38(4), 497–522. https://doi.org/10.1177/0011000009353071

39.

Yang

K. S.

(1996). The psychological transformation of the Chinese people as a result of societal modernization. In Bond

M. H.

(Ed.), The handbook of Chinese psychology (pp. 479–498). Oxford University Press.