Music and the closet: The roles music plays for gay men in the “coming out” process

Homosexuality, homosexual identity formation, and “coming out”

Warren (1974) describes homosexual identity as a complex set of components of same-sex sexual activity, same-sex sexual attraction, self-identification as homosexual, involvement in the homosexual subculture, and same-sex romantic attachments. Homosexual identity is formed during a long and sometimes painful process. This is described by different models (e.g., Cass, 1979; Coleman, 1982; Minton & McDonald, 1984; Troiden, 1989), all of which describe the process of realizing and coming to terms with homoerotic feelings and desires. This process requires a change in one’s self-concept and action. It also requires that one accepts his identity, feelings and desires, and adapts them to his life.

Cass (1979) was the first to publish a comprehensive model on homosexual identity formation, which integrates both psychological and sociological elements. This model laid the foundation for other models to be established in the field of sexual identity formation and the “coming out” process. Although many other models had been formulated (e.g., Coleman, 1982; Troiden, 1979), and although there are other approaches to the ideas of homosexual identity and homosexual identity formation (e.g., Riggs, Clarke, Ellis, & Peel, 2010), this model continues to be the standard model and is frequently cited in the literature (Clarke et al., 2010; Marszalek, Cashwell, Dunn, & Heard, 2004). ¹

This model includes six consecutive stages: (1) Identity Confusion, where the question of “Is it possible that I am homosexual?” begins to surface and create confusion. The person might start seeking information about homosexuality, or, if they live in a less accepting environment, might try to deny these threatening feelings; (2) Identity Comparison, where the person is in conflict between understanding that he is homosexual and thoughts such as “it is just a phase…” or “I may be bisexual…” This is an inner dialogue and it might result in feelings of loneliness and social isolation; (3) Identity Tolerance, where the person accepts the possibility that “I am probably homosexual…” and they might seek homosexual friends and companions and tighten connections with the homosexual community. Still, unhealthy emotional connections, negative sexual experiences, or disappointing relationships might hinder contact with the gay community and hinder the “coming out” process; (4) Identity Acceptance, where the process of homosexual identity formation is completed and the person is unambiguous about their homosexual identity. Relationships with the gay community are tightened and “coming out” to a close friend and/or family members is considered; (5) Identity Pride, where pride of the homosexual identity sprouts. An awareness of homophobic experiences that were encountered in the past and present results in viewing the world as a dichotomous “them” (straight people) and “us” (gay people); (6) Identity Synthesis, where the “them vs. us” dichotomy relaxes, and one’s homosexual identity is integrated with other identities, such as religious and professional identity. Feelings of anger towards the world abate, and one may see the general picture of how his homosexual identity is a part of one’s life and the world around one. It should be noted that more contemporary theories refer to the concept of Sexual Fluidity, which argues against the underlying assumptions of stage models (such as Cass’s) that there is a simple heterosexual/homosexual binary, and that “coming out” is the expected normal and successful way to deal with the identity struggle that preceded. These stage models do not take into account the notion of bisexuality and the possibility that gender and sexuality might intersect, forming different shades of trans-sexuality (Clarke et al., 2010; Cohler & Hammack, 2007; Savin-Williams, 2005).

A key concept in the process of homosexual identity formation is “coming out,” the act of revealing one’s homosexual identity to others (Fontaine, Hammond, & Nancy, 1996). This is a continuous process in which the gay person reveals their homosexuality to others with whom they feel secure. This might be a close friend, a family member, or a colleague. Over time, “coming out” might expand to other social and familial circles (Cramer, 1995). According to Cramer (1995) there are different factors that drive a person’s decision to “come out.” These include being fed up with social isolation, being unable to keep “the secret” anymore, and sometimes, being forced to “come out” due to external circumstances. For many, “coming out” is a very difficult stage and it requires tremendous effort and mental energy. In relation to Cass’s model, “coming out” will occur somewhere between the third (identity tolerance) and fourth (identity acceptance) stages.

Homosexual identity formation and “coming out” occurs, in many cases, during adolescence (Fontaine et al., 1996). Although homosexual identity formation may not necessarily be associated, at that period, with actual homosexual contacts or “coming out,” questioning one’s sexual identity and sometimes identifying as a gay person often occurs during this stage of life. It is well known that adolescence is a challenging period of life in which identity formation is one of the major tasks (Erikson, 1975; Marcia, 1980). The gay adolescent, therefore, is required to deal not only with the regular challenges of identity formation, but also with the complex challenges of homosexuality (Fontaine et al., 1996). Hetrick and Martin (1987) explain that because homosexuality is regarded as taboo in many cultures, the gay adolescent might find himself in complete isolation, trying to cope with his perplexing thoughts on his own.

Music, adolescence, and homosexuality

Much has been written about the centrality of music in adolescent life (e.g., Arnett, 1991, 1995; Laiho, 2004; Larson, 1995; Lull, 1987; North et al., 2000; Tarrant, Hargreaves, & North, 2001; Tarrant, North, Edridge, Kirk, Smith, & Turner, 2001; Tarrant, North, & Hargreaves, 2000). Laiho (2004) comprehensively reviewed the literature that refers to the roles that music has in adolescence and the meanings that adolescents give to it. She found that music functions in four main fields: The emotional field (music can regulate the ever-changing moods of adolescents; through song and lyrics, music can legitimize emotions that are perceived as unacceptable or extreme; music can serve as a refuge for adolescents to practice extreme emotions that they can later openly express); the identity field (music can give a reflection of the self and subsequently help to define oneself; music makes each adolescent feel unique and helps in distinguishing one from others; choices of different musical styles, singers and bands give the opportunity to experiment with different identities); the interpersonal relationships field (music is an important element in defining who your friends are; music and idols serve as transitional objects to support the process of separation from the family; music can be perceived by the adolescent as a good friend that provides companionship and decreases loneliness); and the agency field (music, in contrast to other pre-defined fields in life, can enhance feelings of personal control, competency and responsibility; feelings of control can enhance positive self-esteem). Apparently, there is a strong connection between the developmental tasks in adolescence and the role music plays during this period. Music can help adolescents safely endure the hardships of this complex stage of development.

Despite the clear links between music, adolescents, and identity issues, not much has been written about music in connection to homosexuality and “coming out.” Lewis and Seaman (2004) give a very general account of gay people’s attraction to the arts, such as music, in the 1960’s. They describe how opera houses became a place for covertly “coming out” and meeting other gay men. Kivel and Kleiber (2000) discuss music’s ability to enable gay adolescents to understand themselves in a new context relative to gender and different sexual norms. Through different genres of music, lyrics, and musical styles, they are able to “try on” various sexual identities.

Other studies show how musical activities help to form and strengthen homosexual identity. Henderson and Hodges (2007), for example, researched a unique exclusively homosexual choir. This phenomenological study showed how participation in the choir helped to form a community and reach out to other communities. This connects nicely with a larger phenomenon documented by Hayes (2008), in which many American lesbians, homosexuals, bisexuals, and transexuals were keen participants in choirs where music provided a sense of unity and community and bridged between homosexual and heterosexual communities. According to this study, membership in the choirs also gave an opportunity to express a political point of view and feel safe and secure about the homosexual identity.

Lemish (2004) addressed a widespread phenomenon in Europe, where the Eurovision Song Contest plays a major role in the construction of individual and collective homosexual identity. Participants in this study described how the broadcasting of the contest was celebrated in clubs and private parties throughout Europe, thus empowering their homosexual identity. Notably, the stage at which gay men consume Eurovision music is usually after they have already “come out” and when they already feel as part of the gay community. It is less clear, however, whether music plays roles before and during the actual “coming out.”

The present study

In the present study, we wish to explore the roles that music may play with gay men before and during “coming out.” In the scope of the current study, we focused on gay men and decided to leave lesbians, bisexuals, and trans-genders to future research. Seven gay men of varying ages and cultural backgrounds were interviewed. They were asked to describe their musical preferences during different stages of their lives, the formation of their homosexual identity, and if relevant, to refer to connections between their homosexuality and their music. They were also asked to elaborate on the specific music and songs that helped during the formation of their homosexual identity and to compare them to other media (e.g., books, movies, fashion) that might have helped them cope with the challenges of homosexual identity formation. The research question that we examined was: Does music play roles in the process of “coming out”? If yes – what are they?

Method

Participants

There were seven participants in this study, all of whom identified themselves as gay men. Participants were sampled according to two types of purposive sampling (Given, 2008): criterion sampling (all participants were gay men) and maximum variation sampling (we addressed participants with diverse life stories, from different age groups and cultural backgrounds). Table 1 summarizes participants’ details in alphabetic order. ²

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Table 1.

Participants’ details.

Name	Age	Profession	Additional information
Andy	25	Interior design student	Began “coming out” at the age of 16
Artem	25	Journalist	Began “coming out” at the age of 16
Douglas	25	Art student	Began “coming out” at the age of 22
Edgar	75	Theater professor	Cannot recall a process of “coming out;” never felt “in the closet”
Harry	29	Graphic designer	Studied in a religious boarding school (yeshiva), and “came out” at the age of 19
Jordan	18	Musician	Learned music in high school. Began “coming out” at the age of 16
Max	18	Volunteer in the LGBT community	Studied music for several years in the local conservatory. Began “coming out” at the age of 17

Results

In general, the interviews showed, in different ways and in different social environments, that music played a significant role in the lives of the interviewees and in their “coming out” process. Compared to other media such as TV, books, movies, and the internet, music emerged as the most powerful and relevant medium. We will now present an elaborate report of the roles that music was found to play in the lives of the interviewees.

Discussion

The purpose of this study was to examine whether music played special roles in the “coming out” process of gay men and, if so, to discover what they were. Evidently, music played several roles in the “coming out” process for the majority of our interviewees. Three central roles were found: “music as a companion,” “music as a means for concealing and exposing,” and “music as a means for making change.” If “coming out” is considered a chronological process, these roles could be referred to as representing three consecutive stages in the process (see Figure 1).

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Figure 1.

The roles of music in the “coming out” process: A three-stage model.

In the first stage, which to some extent overlaps Cass’s Identity Confusion stage, the gay person is not yet convinced regarding his sexual identity and is overwhelmed with feelings of confusion. What makes this phase especially difficult is the fact that it is usually experienced in complete isolation and loneliness. At this stage, music’s central role is to be a companion, assuming functions that are usually carried out by friends and close family members. In the second stage, which to some extent overlaps with Cass’s Identity Comparison stage, the gay person negotiates whether to present his true sexual identity or his false one. At this stage, music’s central role is to serve as a means by which one can practice concealing and exposing his sexual identity. As we saw before, this can be done using deliberate musical choices that announce to the social surroundings whether one is a homosexual or heterosexual. In the third stage, which to some extent overlaps with Cass’s Identity Tolerance stage, the gay person decides to “come out.” This is a gradual process in which the secret is revealed to growing circles of acquaintances. At this stage, music’s central role is to serve as a means by which one can execute the change. Later, when the “coming out” process has reached its conclusion, it seems that music ceases to affect gay people in these unique ways. They reported that after “coming out,” the music they used to listen to became useless, and in some cases, ridiculous.

Perhaps after “coming out,” music plays different roles that are directed at strengthening homosexual identity in a more collective and communal way. Indeed, it seems that this study’s findings complement those of previous studies (Hayes, 2008; Henderson & Hodges, 2007; Lemish, 2004). The present study focuses on the roles music plays while in the closet (the left part of Figure 1), while previous studies referred to music while out of the closet (the right part of Figure 1). Accordingly, the roles that music was found to play in the present study were all personal and carried out in intimate environments (e.g., one’s room, one’s personal MP3 player), while in previous studies, music was found to play more collective roles (e.g., choirs, watching the Eurovision) and it was carried out in public with the aim of forming and strengthening the sense of communal identity.

It is questionable, however, whether the three-stage model presented here is relevant in all contexts and to all people. Firstly, some gay men may never actually experience being “in the closet” and subsequently do not undergo a dramatic “coming out” process or, as one of our interviewees put it, “the door of my ‘closet’ was quite transparent…” Similarly, the argument of more contemporary LGBTQ researchers is that for some people sexuality is not experienced in a “heterosexual/homosexual” dichotomy but in what they term as Sexual Fluidity (e.g., Amestoy, 2001; Clarke et al., 2010; Cohler & Hammack, 2007; Savin-Williams, 2005; Weinrich & Klein, 2002). In such cases, it seems that music does not play a major role in gay people’s lives before “coming out.” Indeed, as we previously noted, the two interviewees who did not report a significant role that music played in their homosexual lives were the ones who reported a very easy “coming out” process.

Another factor that might be connected to music’s involvement in “coming out” is the access to information and more specifically, to the internet. It is questionable whether adolescents with a developing homosexual identity still need a companion such as music today: Information is much more accessible and communities can easily be formed with guaranteed anonymity. Indeed, Clarke et al. (2010) and Savin-Williams (2005) note that young people today are more likely to disclose their LGBTQ identity partly due to a greater exposure to issues of sexuality including homosexuality. Other studies have showed the important role of the internet in the identity development and coming out of gay men (e.g., Hillier & Harrison, 2007; Thomas, Ross, & Harris, 2007). The internet provides a space in which people can feel more confident to be themselves and to explore what it is like to be gay, thus, in a sense making music’s contribution somewhat redundant. The sample in this study was mostly comprised of interviewees who “came out” a decade or two ago, when the internet, forums, and Facebook did not yet exist, or were not as accessible. Therefore, it is important to examine music’s role in the “coming out” process of younger gay people to see if things have changed as a result of technological progress.

A third factor that could predict whether music is important in one’s “coming out” process is the individual’s cultural environment and more specifically, the culture’s attitude to homosexuality. Indeed, Clarke et al. (2010) have mentioned that “socio-historical factors may be responsible for considerable differences in experiences of identity development between cohorts” (p. 157). In the present study, interviewees who came from cultures that were inherently opposed to the idea of homosexuality, such as Artem (Russian culture in the 1980s) and Harry (religious culture) were the ones who relied most heavily on music. Apparently, their cultural environments led them to complete social isolation, hence, the increased need for music.

These assumed factors are tentatively presented here on the basis of our explorative study and they should be treated with caution. Further research is required to examine the model and the factors that might influence it. We recommend several directions of inquiry. First, larger samples of interviewees should be addressed to determine whether they also experienced music in similar roles during their “coming out” process. Perhaps other interviewees, from different cultural backgrounds and age groups, will highlight other roles that music may play. Based on the findings of such a process, a second direction of inquiry would be to construct a questionnaire to measure the extent to which music was relevant in the “coming out” process. Third, a larger scale survey study could be conducted to examine possible factors that influence the relevancy of music during “coming out” such as the extent of difficulty presented by one’s “in the closet” stage, the extent to which one has access to the internet, and the extent to which one’s culture is homophobic. Another issue that emerged from the present study and that requires further research is the “gay music” genre, which was repeatedly mentioned. This issue was discussed in Lemish’s (2004) study in the context of “camp music,” that is, music that challenges aesthetic assumptions of the mainstream. According to Lemish, Eurovision music, like other forms of music associated with gay people, is over-dramatic, exaggeratingly feminine, or at times, cross-gendering, grandiose, and over-sentimental. We therefore recommend continuing to explore the characteristics and social meanings of “gay music.”

The findings of this study might be very useful to people who come in contact with gay people at the final stages of their “coming out” process, such as parents, siblings, teachers, and psychotherapists. Knowing how meaningful music can be to a person “in the closet” can help one better understand the complexities involved in being gay and be better attuned to a gay friend or relative. Music therapists who heavily rely on music in their clinical work have already taken interest in LGBTQ clients and formulated best practice guidelines for treating them (Whitehead-Pleaux et al., 2012). In line with this it is suggested that the insights presented in this study further develop music therapists’ sensitivity to gay clients and improve their understanding of the roles music might play in gay people’s lives.