Steeped in Shame: An Exploration of Family Sexual Socialization Among Black College Women

Black Women’s Sexual Development and Black Feminist Thought

Explorations of Black women’s sexual development require us to first consider the historical backdrop of Black women’s sexuality in the U.S. One element to acknowledge is the systematic sexual dehumanization and violence against Black women’s bodies, which occurred during enslavement, such as rape and other forms of sexual degradation (Lomax, 2018). This systematic marginalization has remained a consistent part of cultural narratives on Black women’s sexuality, including racialized sexual scripts of Black women’s hypersexuality and promiscuity (i.e., Jezebel stereotype; Anderson et al., 2018; D. L. Brown et al., 2013). The “Jezebelian Black woman” imagery perpetuates the idea that Black women are more promiscuous and sexually aggressive than White women (Stephens & Phillips, 2003, 2005; Townsend et al., 2010), thus contributing to misperceptions that they are more responsible for their experiences of sexual assault and rape (e.g., Katz et al., 2017).

At the same time, patriarchal and heteronormative cultural norms within the U.S., which promote a good girl versus bad girl framework, ultimately tie girls’ sexuality to their morality (L. M. Brown, 2005). Within this ideological system, good girls are sexually naive yet pleasing sexual gatekeepers, and bad girls are provocative and lack sexual control (L. M. Brown, 2005; Fasula et al., 2014). The historical stereotyping of Black women as inherently promiscuous translates into contemporary sexual socialization practices, whereby Black girls are sexualized at a younger age than girls from other racial/ethnic groups (Epstein et al., 2017) and are categorized as bad girls regardless of their actual sexual behaviors (Townsend et al., 2010). Additionally, such stereotypical depictions may result in Black girls internalizing the tropes as a truthful portrayal of Black women’s sexuality (D. L. Brown et al., 2013; Few & Stephens, 2009; Ross & Coleman, 2011).

In order to deconstruct the undue influence of deficit-based narratives on Black women’s sexual development, the current study builds on prior work (Stephens & Phillips, 2005) and draws on Black feminist thought as a culturally specific, qualitative paradigm to examine sexual socialization processes within Black families (Collins, 2002; Evans-Winters, 2019). Black feminism engages with the historical and contemporary economic, social, and political lived realities of Black girls and women and centers on Black women’s agency in their meaning-making processes. Black feminist theorists highlight that while Black women share similar experiences of oppression in U.S. society, their diverse social locations across ethnicity, sexuality, social class, and religious orientation influence the experiences they have within the interlocking systems of race and gender domination (Collins, 2002). Finally, Black feminism provides an analytic framework to highlight how young Black women learn to “stand straight” in a “crooked room” of distorted images and painful stereotypes of Black women’s sexuality (Harris-Perry, 2011, p. 32).

Sexual Socialization and Black Women’s Sexual Development

Sexual socialization is a multi-faceted process in which individuals acquire beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors about sexuality and sexual relationships (Shtarkshall et al., 2007). This process is believed to shape how individuals think about themselves as sexual beings and pursue their sexual interests and desires (Evans & Dyson, 2015; Martino et al., 2008). Analyses investigating family sexual socialization have focused heavily on the role of parents, finding that receiving parental communication about sexual health behaviors (i.e., state of physical, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2016) is associated with increased protected sex and protection from human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), as well as a delayed onset of sexual activity (e.g., Flores & Barroso, 2017). Other studies underscore findings that suggest that engaging in more explicit conversations about contraception and sex relates to daughters feeling more prepared about bodily changes and perceiving less difficulty talking to partners about sexual topics (Robert & Sonenstein, 2010).

However, less of the family sexual socialization research explicitly considers the normative experiences of Black girls, with most studies instead taking a disease or risk-oriented approach (for exceptions, see Fletcher et al., 2015; Kapungu et al., 2010; Sidibe et al., 2018). Risks are indeed a part of the larger sexual context for Black girls. Data indicate that Black women experience the highest rates of HIV and STI infection (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2016) and face disproportionate social, psychological, and legal barriers in the health and justice systems when they are the victims of sexual assault (Black Women’s Blueprint, 2019; Katz et al., 2017). Accordingly, public health approaches have focused on reducing STI infections by trying to identify causal factors that contribute to risky sexual behavior among Black adolescent girls. For example, the national, longitudinal Pittsburgh Girls Study documented various factors that create a heightened “pathway of risk” for the higher STI rates among Black girls (early onset sexual behavior, substance use, and conduct problems; Chung et al., 2017).

Although this risk-oriented work provides a valuable foundation undergirding our understanding of Black girls’ sexual socialization, it excludes examination of normative, holistic, or positive sexual developmental practices for Black girls. Researchers have identified the benefits of using comprehensive, sex positive approaches with adolescents to increase safer sexual behaviors (Alexander, 2019; Barfield et al., 2016; Donaghue, 2015). Researchers characterize a sex positive approach as one that views sexuality as a universal human experience that supports overall mental and emotional health, relational satisfaction, and quality of life (Cruz et al., 2017). Within this approach, individuals and communities support open and nonjudgmental attitudes about sex and sexuality in relation to desire, performance, and satisfaction (Donaghue, 2015). Researchers of Black sexology suggest that moving toward a sex positive paradigm will reduce stereotypes of Black women’s hypersexuality and bring increased attention to Black women’s sexual pleasure (Collins, 2005; Morgan, 2015). For adolescents and young adults who are navigating emergent sexual feelings and decision-making, the receipt of sex positive messages may help emphasize that the exploration of sexual desire is normative and creative (Williams et al., 2013). Transmission of sex positive messages also decenters heteronormativity in relation to sexuality, monogamy, and procreation-focused sex (Mosher, 2017). A sex positive approach has seldom been applied to analyses of sexual socialization processes for Black girls (e.g., Hargons et al., 2018). Accordingly, the current study expands the scope of the current literature by exploring the diversity of sexual socialization in family settings, with attention given to the significant positive implications for Black girls’ sexual development.

Black Women’s Sexual Socialization in Family Contexts

Communication about sexuality, one component of sexual socialization, is a commonly studied predictor of youth sexual behavior, with the assumption that the more parents communicate with their adolescents about sex, the fewer sexual risks their youth will take (DiIorio et al., 2003). Emphasis on the quantity, but not the content, of sexual socialization messages is a major limitation of current socialization literature. In a typical approach, participants are asked to indicate how often their parents have discussed sexual risk topics such as birth control or sexual intercourse (Kapungu et al., 2010). Although there is support that more parent–adolescent sexual communication is associated with later sexual initiation and less sexual risk-taking behaviors, there are also mixed and null findings (Fingerson, 2005; Guzmán & Stritto, 2012; Holman & Koenig, 2015). Moreover, the effect produced is relatively small (see Widman et al., 2016, for a meta-analysis), suggesting the presence of additional associated factors. The examination of the content of parent–adolescent sexual communication may provide the needed context for understanding associations between sexual communication and sexual behaviors (Bleakley et al., 2018; Sneed et al., 2012) and may also reveal unique messages that Black girls likely encounter within family contexts related to the intersection of their race and gender identities (D. L. Brown et al., 2017; Collins, 2002).

In one of the few studies to quantitatively test the nature and impact of diverse sexual socialization messages, Fletcher and colleagues (2015) examined the extent to which 613 Black undergraduates (73% female) had been exposed to each of the 28 sexual socialization messages from their parents and friends. Among the Black women, parental messages promoting relational sex and abstinence were most plentiful, followed by messages promoting gendered sexual roles; few sex positive messages were received. Moreover, participants’ sexual behavior differed by the source and theme of the message. For example, exposure to parental abstinence messages predicted less sexual experience but also less consistent use of protection, whereas exposure to parental messages that highlighted sex as relational predicted greater sexual assertiveness and more comfort with one’s sexual experience level. To build on this work, we need more comprehensive investigations of family sexual communication messages to better understand Black girls’ sexual behaviors and beliefs.

Additionally, asking parents or adolescents to report on sexual topics they have explicitly discussed limits the examination of messages that may be communicated unintentionally or implicitly. Various studies have found that teens’ perceptions of their parents’ attitudes or values toward sex are associated with their sexual beliefs and behaviors (Flores & Barroso, 2017; McCallister et al., 2019). Fingerson (2005) found that beyond the effects of quantity of sexual messages, teens’ perceptions of mothers’ sexual values as more liberal than conservative were positively associated with teens’ later sexual engagement and number of sexual partners. Similarly, Sneed et al. (2015) found that adolescent girls held more negative attitudes toward sex when they believed that their parents would be proud and cared that they remained abstinent. In all, evidence suggests that adolescents’ perceptions of parental messages regarding sexual risk, sexual health, and other sexual and moral values are associated with teens’ subsequent sexual beliefs and behavior. However, there has been limited empirical attention to the content of sexual socialization messages that extend beyond sexual risk frameworks (i.e., the need to delay sexual initiation, use condoms, and avoid getting pregnant). Limited evidence exists regarding how Black women develop healthy and positive beliefs about sexual exploration (Crooks et al., 2019; Morgan, 2015; Stephens & Phillips, 2005), such as their comfort with their own sexuality or their ability to assert their needs and desires to a partner.

Instead, researchers suggest that familial discussions with Black girls tend to focus on warnings about protecting their reputation, the dangers of sexual involvement with boys, and boys’ singular pursuit of sex (Dennis & Wood, 2012; Parker, 2018; Townsend, 2008). Yet, by primarily focusing on abstinence or sexual risk messages, parents and other caregiving adults may reinforce the hypersexualized Black woman trope. Being a good girl is pitched as Black girls’ moral responsibility to subvert their gendered, racialized, and class-based hypersexualization, and failing to do so is perceived as an unacceptable lapse in personal responsibility (French, 2013; Johnson, 2013). Within these socialization models, options beyond good girl and bad girl do not exist, and Black girls’ attempts at sexual exploration beyond these confines may engender feelings of shame and betrayal to loved ones (Froyum, 2010). This framework does not leave space for the development of competencies needed to become a sexually healthy adult. Because sexual health involves being able to minimize sexual risk and maximize sexual comfort, expression, and satisfaction (Alexander, 2019), explorations are needed for the full range of sexual communications offered to Black girls, for some exchanges may emphasize risks but others may address themes related to sexual health and comfort.

Sexual Socialization and Body Image Beliefs

A key component of sexuality for women is looking sexually appealing, physically attractive, and beautiful. Researchers suggest that girls and women are socialized across various ecological contexts (family, school, and media) to value and prioritize their physical appearance and perceived level of attractiveness to others (e.g., Parent & Moradi, 2010). Besides Eurocentric norms of physical beauty (e.g., thinness, delicate features, long straight hair), Black women also contend with racialized norms that fetishize curvaceous body frames and lighter skin (D. L. Brown et al., 2013). Scholars suggest that growing up within a culture that views and treats women as sexual objects can contribute to body image beliefs that overemphasize external attractiveness and male approval (Parker, 2018). Whereas most of these studies involve heteronormative socialization (women seeking out male intimate partners), the results highlight how internalizing broader cultural norms of sexual objectification can undermine all Black girls’ and women’s self-esteem and bodily satisfaction (Crooks et al., 2019; French, 2013; Townsend et al., 2010; Watson et al., 2012).

For instance, Crooks and colleagues (2019) discussed how 16 Black women (ages 19–62, M _age = 31 years) came to understand their emergent sexuality and gain a sense of ownership over their bodies. The women reflected on how their sexual experiences during childhood involved early unwanted attention from same-age and older males, which negated their girlhood and left many feeling uncomfortable with their developing bodies. Participants also discussed how parents and other family members (typically older Black women) tried to provide protective messages about sex and sexual relationships by chastising the girls for “acting fast”—a label specifically used with Black girls who are perceived as dressing provocatively or being “too grown” (Parker, 2018, p. 3). Participants felt constantly bombarded with messages in media and broader society, which reinforced their sexual objectification. In order to develop safe emotional and sexual practices, the women believed it was necessary to challenge the idea that their worth was inherently tied to their physical beauty and ability to sexually gratify men. These findings highlight how family socialization messages contributed to women’s sexual and body image beliefs. Still, within this research, we know less about how societal narratives on appearance and physical attractiveness factor into Black families’ sexual socialization communications with their daughters or how these messages, in turn, motivate particular body image beliefs or sexual behaviors among Black women during emerging adulthood.

The Current Study

Extant literature addresses how sociocultural factors (racialized sexual stereotypes) influence Black girls’ and women’s sexual behaviors and body image beliefs (D. L. Brown et al., 2013). Findings also indicate that parental communication and family socialization exert significant influence on adolescents’ sexual behaviors and decision-making (Martino et al., 2008; McCallister et al., 2019). However, less is known about how Black girls interpret and internalize the diverse messages they receive from family members concerning their sexual health and body image. Thus, the purpose of the present qualitative study was to explore how Black college women described the sexual socialization they received from family members during adolescence. We considered how familial socialization during adolescence influenced their current beliefs and behaviors concerning intimacy and body image as young adult women, and we explored women’s discussions of their various social identities (ethnicity, social class, religious orientation) in relation to their sexual socialization experiences. Finally, we sought to amplify the multiple identities of the Black college women in our sample, who were raised by familial cultural norms from within the U.S. and across the African diaspora.

Participants

This study was part of a larger project aimed at investigating the childhood and adolescent socialization experiences of Black college women through 50 one-on-one, semi-structured interviews with Black undergraduate women (ages 18–24, M _age = 20 years; first–fourth year students), enrolled at one of two elite, public, predominantly White U.S. universities. Twenty-one interviews were from women attending an institution in the Midwest, and 29 were from women attending an institution in the Southeast. The women were ethnically diverse (e.g., African American, Nigerian, Ghanaian, Sudanese, Ethiopian, and biracial). All participants were naturalized citizens of the U.S., although a few mentioned that they had spent significant time in their parents’ country of origin during their childhood and adolescent years. The majority of participants reported middle class backgrounds (median household income = US$65,000–US$80,000), identified as heterosexual (n = 46), and were Christian (n = 36). See Table 1 for additional demographic information.

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Table 1.

Participant Demographic Characteristics.

Pseudonym	Class Year	Ethnicity	Religion	Social Class
Afyia	Sophomore	Eritrean	Muslim	Middle class
Akira	Sophomore	African American	Christian	Working class
Alexa a	Junior	African American	Christian	Middle class
Aliyah	Junior	African American	Christian	Middle class
Alyssa a	Junior	African American	Christian	Middle class
Amaya	Sophomore	African American	Christian	Middle class
Amber	Sophomore	Nigerian	Christian	Middle class
Angel	Senior	African American	Christian	Working class
Aniyah a	Sophomore	African American	Agnostic	Middle class
Brianna	Sophomore	West Guinea	Muslim	Working class
Brie	Junior	African American	Christian	Middle class
Brionna a,b	First year	Sudanese	Muslim	Middle class
Candice	Sophomore	Nigerian	Christian	Middle class
Carey	First year	Sierra-Leonean	Muslim	Middle class
Chloe a	Junior	African American	Atheist	Working class
Ciara	Junior	Biracial	Christian	Upper class
Danielle	First year	Somali	Muslim	Middle class
Dashawna	First year	Cameroonian	Christian	Middle class
Desiree b	Senior	Liberian	Christian	Middle class
Destiny	Junior	Rwandan	Christian	Upper class
Diamond	Junior	Nigerian	Christian	Upper class
Ebony a,b	First year	Lebanon	Catholic	Middle class
Farah a	Junior	Ghanaian	Christian	Middle class
Gabrielle	5th year	African American	Christian	Middle class
Gemma a	Sophomore	Ethiopian	Christian	Middle class
Grace a	Sophomore	Ghanaian	Atheist	Middle class
Hailey a	First year	African American	Christian	Working class
Hannah a	Junior	African American	Spiritual	Middle class
Imani	Senior	African American	Christian	Middle class
Indigo a	Sophomore	African American	Baptist	Middle class
Isis	Senior	African American	Christian	Working class
Jada	Sophomore	Biracial	Atheist	Middle class
Jayla a	Junior	African American	Christian	Upper class
Jaleesa a	Senior	African American	Christian	Middle class
Jordan b	Senior	African American	Christian	Upper class
Kaja a	Junior	Ghanaian	Agnostic	Middle class
Katrina	Sophomore	African American	Agnostic	Middle class
Kayla	Senior	African American	Christian	Middle class
Kennedy a	Senior	Biracial	Atheist	Middle class
Laila a	Junior	African American	Atheist	Middle class
Lakeisha	Junior	Nigerian	Christian	Working class
Madison	Junior	Nigerian	Christian	Middle class
Makayla	Fifth year	African American	Christian	Middle class
Neveah	Sophomore	Ethiopian	Christian	Middle class
Noelle	Sophomore	Ethiopian	None	Middle class
Sydney a	Sophomore	Senegalese	Muslim	Working class
Rickea	Senior	Ghanaian	Christian	Middle class
Taylor	Sophomore	African American	Christian	Working class
Tiana a	Sophomore	African American	Christian	Working class
Trinity	First year	African American	Christian	Middle class

^a Quoted in article. ^b Identified as bisexual—other women identified as heterosexual.

Procedures

At both institutions, researchers sent weekly emails to Black student organizations for 3–4 weeks until the target number of Black women were scheduled for semi-structured interviews. At the first institution, the targeted number of participants was 25, based on available funding and timing (needing to complete the interviews by the end of the spring semester). Twenty-one interviews were successfully completed by April, and the Principle Investigator decided to recruit an additional 29 women from the second institution for the data collection to have a total sample of 50 women. Saturation was met after interviewing these additional 29 participants (Saunders et al., 2018). Black women interested in participating replied to the email to schedule a time to meet for a one-on-one interview. Each interview included the participant and one member of the interview team and was conducted in safe, public locations that allowed for private conversations (i.e., reserved conference room and PI office). The interview team at each institution consisted of the PI, as well as an additional African American/Black woman graduate student, who was trained in qualitative interview techniques and had a strong conceptual background on Black women’s experiences as racial and gender minorities in the U.S. Interviews lasted between 45 and 90 minutes (M = 75 minutes). Before the interview, participants completed a paper survey that contained demographic items. Participants were compensated US$20 for participation.

Interview Protocol

The semi-structured interviews involved an interview protocol with a list of questions about race and gender socialization messages and awareness of stereotypes about Black women, which were covered in each interview, as well as supplemental questions that were asked based on the direction of the conversation (Cohen & Crabtree, 2006). This approach allowed the research team to collect reliable, comparative interview data on the topics of interest while also providing the opportunity to identify new understandings by asking probing questions that were not in the interview protocol.

In relation to the current study, participants were asked a number of open-ended questions such as “What messages do you recall hearing about how you should act with boys?” and “How did you incorporate or reject these messages into your sexual beliefs?” (see Appendix for interview questions used in this study). The audio recorded interviews were sent out for professional transcription. Once the transcriptions were returned, the interviewer who conducted the interview reviewed the transcript to ensure grammatical and semantic accuracy. Finalized transcripts were then uploaded onto a secure data server for coding analysis.

Researcher Positionality Statement

In order to contribute to and extend the discourse on how researchers’ social identities and status positions inform their theoretical and methodological inquiry and knowledge production (Milner, 2007), we offer insight into the authors’ positionalities as researchers. The lead author (S.L.) is a Black, queer woman from a working-class background whose research centers on Black women and girls’ healthy identity development. The second author (J.P.) is a graduate student who identifies as a Black American cisgender woman from the U.S. Deep South, whose research examines interpersonal factors related to sexual development in Black adolescent girls. The third author (P.G.) is a White, Jewish, heterosexual, cisgender woman who studies the associations between sexual socialization, body image, and sexual agency for Black and White women. The final author (L.M.W.) is a Black, cisgender, heterosexual woman who has been studying gender and sexual socialization for 24 years, mostly via quantitative methods.

At each institution, the interviewing team was composed of the lead author (S.L.), as well as one other African American/Black woman. The lead author intentionally recruited other Black women scholars to assist with the interviewing process, as she believed that the shared race and gender identities would create an “insider status” connection with the participants, which would allow them to talk more openly about their experiences (Collins, 1986). Finally, the coding team was comprised of the lead author (S.L.), as well as two African American women, both undergraduate students from working-class backgrounds in their junior year of college. Collectively, we believe that researchers’ identities and multiple roles are embedded in the process and outcomes of research (Evans-Winters, 2019), and we are committed to deconstructing deficit-based narratives of Black girlhood in psychological research.

Coding Analysis Approach

The present study used team-based consensual qualitative research (CQR) procedures outlined by Hill (2012) to investigate Black women’s sexual socialization in family contexts and their current sexual beliefs and behaviors as an emergent adult. CQR methods rely on the concept of consensus and the belief that multiple informed perspectives render a truer representation of participants’ meanings, and we engaged in a variety of review processes to ensure we highlighted the young Black women’s perspectives. First, four researchers (three African American women [S.L., J.P., and L.M.W.] and one European American woman [P.G.]) read through a subset of transcripts and highlighted statements (i.e., “chunks” of text) that addressed the research questions: (1) What types of implicit and explicit sexual socialization messages do young Black women receive during adolescence from family members? and (2) How does participants’ familial socialization during adolescence influence their current beliefs and behaviors on intimacy and body image as young adult women? In the current study, sexual socialization included messages regarding physical attractiveness and body image, intimate relationships, and sexual beliefs and behaviors. The research team did not include broader statements or reflections about participants’ gendered socialization (i.e., “I was expected to clean and cook but my brother wasn’t”) unless they explicitly tied it to their views on sexual beliefs or intimate partnerships (i.e., “I was expected to learn to clean and cook for my future husband”). The lead author and second author (S.L. and J.P.) jointly reviewed chunked statements from all transcripts to ensure consistency in the data that would be included for coding.

Once this initial chunking process was complete, full transcripts were uploaded into Dedoose (Version 4.12) for analysis. The coding team included the lead author and two trained graduate students who were familiar with the literature on Black sexology and qualitative analysis methods. Consistent with CQR methodology, the coding team independently reviewed transcripts (the lead author reviewed all transcripts and the trained assistants reviewed 25 each) and wrote out initial domain lists for participants’ sexual socialization messages. We then met as a team to review the domains and modify the categories, which yielded domain categories/themes that were supported in prior literature on adolescent sexual socialization (e.g., abstinence messages involved communications that girls should abstain from sexual activity, Fletcher et al., 2015).

We then reviewed the set of transcripts again and assigned codes in Dedoose using the “blind coding” setting. To engage in ongoing reflexivity, we participated in individual journaling and a series of group dialogues about our biases and expectations before, during, and after the coding process. These dialogues involved open communication about our social and cultural identities and the sexual socialization we received during adolescence. We met weekly as a team to review approximately 10–12 transcripts and discuss disagreements in the coding process. For each disagreement, we returned to the original interview data to reach a consensus. The lead author explicitly stated that the coding process should be an equitable group effort with input from all members and that dissenting opinions were welcome and integral to the research process.

Findings

Black women reported a range of sexual socialization messages from their family members, including messages about sexual acts, about how to engage with partners in intimate relationships, and about their physical appearance and sexual attractiveness. To highlight Black women’s internalization of these messages, we focused on the extent to which participants endorsed or rejected sexual socialization messages from family members in how they enacted their sexual desires and interests. As many of the women received different socialization messages from various family members (i.e., dad conveyed abstinence messages, while mom communicated deference messages), we provided integrated examples of how participants’ internalization of these messages related to their sexual beliefs and behaviors. The following themes emerged from the data: messages of discretion, negative messages about physical appearance, messages of deference, messages of abstinence, absence of sexual messages, messages of body positivity, messages of egalitarianism, messages of sex positivity, and messages of sexual distrust and dismissiveness (see Table 2 for definitions and frequency counts).

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Table 2.

Summary of Socialization Messages and Sexual Beliefs and Behaviors.

Theme	Excerpt Example
Messages of discretion (n = 46, 92%) Messages encouraging participants to exhibit sexual restraint and modesty in clothing choices; for some, it was considered a safety precaution against unwanted sexual attention or violence	I think my mom talked about it more as I grew up because I started going to work, and she was like, “You know you have to be safe and cover up.” I was like, “Oh, why would this be my fault? That’s not me.” I think she also had very traditional views where she’s like, “You know, if you have a lollipop, and you cover it up, no flies come to it. But if you take off the wrapper, all the flies are there.” And I was like, “How does this work? This doesn’t sound right.” (Brionna)
Negative messages about appearance (n = 37, 74%) Messages about women’s body, including height, weight, clothing, skin tone, and hair	I tanned a lot and my mom would say, “You can’t be in the sun, you have to wear sunscreen.” She’d be really strict with that—I didn’t care personally, but my mom cared a lot. On my dad’s side, he has a brother and his brother married a Japanese woman, so they’re also light-skinned. But because they were always in the pool, they would get darker and darker and darker. One day, my mom was like, “You don’t want to be like them. They started out so light and now they’re medium to dark-toned.” And I’m like, “Why does this matter? Why are we talking about this?” (Brionna)
Messages of deference (n = 24, 48%) Messages conveying the belief that women should submit to men’s desires and exhibit humbleness and respect for their male partner	In terms of how Black women should be in terms of domestically, I think that a lot of men and a lot of people who I’ve interacted with say that Black women should be able to cook for their husbands and should be able to make them a five-course soul food dinner. If you can’t do that, then you’re not wifey material. (Jayla)
Messages of abstinence (n = 23, 46%) Messages of how women should restrain themselves from sexual activity	Since your whole life you’ve been told you can’t—there’s this huge barrier that goes up. Once it goes down, there’s no undoing it. Maybe in other cultures you would be able to slide with it, but at least, I feel like, in Ethiopia—you can’t. There’s a different wedding ceremony for virgins versus non-virgins, and so everybody will know. I don’t really care, but my family cares, and I don’t want them to feel some type of way because I wasn’t married a virgin when I was married. (Tiana)
Absence of sexual messages (n = 19, 38%) Lack of communication about sexual activity	They didn’t really. I would say most of the sex education stuff, we learned in class. I think that’s just the difference of growing up and the culture they’re from. It’s really private and people don’t really talk about relationships and stuff like that. (Farah)
Messages of body positivity (n = 15, 30%) Messages communicating that all bodies have inherent value and beauty	My momma tells me I can do anything. She tells me I can be an actor. She tells me I’m pretty and that I can be a model. Sometimes I worry about whether my stomach is flat enough or whether I’ll make it in LA, but my mom would say, “You are a Black woman and you can do all of this.” She just speaks to me as her child and as two humans talking to one another, and she believes in me. (Alyssa)
Messages of egalitarianism (n = 13, 26%) Messages relating to the belief that women and men are equal partners in an intimate relationship	I don’t like the feeling of having to rely on a man to do anything I want. I want to freely make my own decisions without having to consult someone on my entire life. It’s not the same as getting married to someone you love, and we share the responsibility. Having to give up my entire person just to be with a man—it’s just something I don’t believe in. (Ebony)
Messages of sex positivity (n = 12, 24%) Messages encouraging self-acceptance and normalizing sexual exploration and sexual desire	I go to her [mom] for advice with everything—sex, love, grades, and friends—everything about my life. So, being on birth control and relationships and stuff, I talk to her about that. My dad’s like—I always do the hypothetical crazy stuff. What if I end up with a man who’s 20 years older than me? He’s like, “Whatever makes you happy, I don’t care.” He’s like, “It’s your life. Your marriage. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.” (Grace)
Messages of sexual distrust (n = 5, 10%) Messages conveying that the women were being dishonest about sexual activity	They projected that onto me—like, “Oh I know she’s out here doing this.” And I would be like, what? My dad would call me and be like, “You got a boyfriend?” I’d be like, “No.” He’s like, “Are you lying to me? I know you got a boyfriend.” (Hannah)
Messages of sexual dismissiveness (n = 4, 8%) Messages ignoring participants’ intimate partnerships or belittling their romantic interests	My dad is extremely hesitant to accept any of my significant others. I’ve had a boyfriend now for over 2 years, and my dad is still not where he should be with him. But my brother brings home a different girl every 3 months or whatever, and my dad’s totally fine with it. (Kennedy)

Note. Frequency refers to how many women mentioned this type of socialization message or a particular belief or behavior.

Messages of Discretion

A majority of the women in the sample (n = 46, 92%) indicated that they received sexual discretion messages from family members (i.e., don’t be too forward with men, keep your sexual business to yourself, it is a woman’s responsibility to limit their amount of sexual activity and perceived promiscuity). For example, Hailey, a first year African American student from a working class, Christian family, stated:

From my dad, the perspective is, “Oh, God wants you to do this. You have to wrap up. You can’t be out there being fast.” It always connects to being fast. Fast has always been for Black women. Even little things, like—my leggings aren’t tight, right? They’re leggings. They fit this way, and they fit my body. That’s just how it is. Just because my butt is this size doesn’t mean I’m trying to be fast. I’m still battling with it, so I’m still thinking about it. But in my dad’s mind, my body is something that needs to be covered because that’s what God says and that’s what women of virtue do. But in my mind, God gave me this body for a reason, and it’s just all about managing the things that you have.

Negative Messages About Physical Appearance

The next most frequent types of messages from family involved comments on the women’s physical appearance (body size, skin tone, and hair) and needing to be cognizant of how their bodies conveyed sexual availability to others (n = 37, 74%). In the current sample, physical critiques focused on the women’s body size, skin tone, and hair and mirrored broader Eurocentric norms of beauty (thinner is better, lighter-toned is prettier, and straighter hair is better). For instance, Chloe, a third year African American woman from a middle class, non-religious family, recounted tension between her and an older aunt:

When I got older, I would look at her and say, “I’m wearing clothes. You don’t say anything to Tia [sister] when she’s out here wearing shorts. You don’t say anything to any other woman in the family when they’re of smaller stature.” My aunt is really passive-aggressive, so she would say, “Oh you look fast,” when I was younger. Now that I’m older and I have my own voice, she just mutters it under her breath when I walk out in a sundress. I just look at her and ask, “Is there something you want to say, Auntie?”

Messages of Deference

Black women also described frequent messages promoting deference to male partners and other relationship expectations that prioritized traditional conceptions of marriage, child-bearing, and homemaking. Nearly half the sample (n = 24, 48%) received socialization around men acting as the head of the household and on preparing themselves for their responsibilities as a future wife (e.g., cooking, cleaning, and being demure). Tiana, a second year Ethiopian American from a working class, Ethiopian Orthodox Christian household, said:

I feel like times have changed…now men and women are considered more equal, but there’s still that underneath belief that the man will always be the man of the house. I feel like maybe in my generation, it will be different because we grew up in America. But they still trained me like, “If the husband says something, then it has to be done.” One other thing they still hold onto is men making most of the money. I was telling my mom about this guy who wanted to take me out on a date. She asked, “What school does he go to? Is he in school? You can’t be with anybody who you’re smarter than.”

Messages of Abstinence

Nearly half the sample (n = 23, 46%) recalled that the overarching message in their home was to avoid pregnancy and practice abstinence. For instance, Hannah, a third year African American woman from a middle class, agnostic family, recalled:

My dad was really big on that. I got in trouble—the worst whupping of my life for even saying I had a crush on a boy. I wrote in my diary all this stuff about it and he found it, and I got in so much trouble for that. In high school, my parents assumed that I was being sexually active because people that he knew when he was around my age were.

To avoid the shame or potential consequences of engaging in sexual exploration (being considered a “hoe” or getting pregnant), 13 women discussed how they hid sexual behaviors or intimate relationships from their families. Although some women were hiding a monogamous partner, two women in the sample discussed having to hide their sexual orientation. While not a major theme in the current predominantly heterosexual sample, Brionna, a first year Sudanese woman from a middle class, Muslim family, highlighted the cost of receiving abstinence-based, heteronormative messaging from her family:

I do [share my sexual orientation] with people that I know I can trust. I would say I’m fully out to basically everyone except my parents and my older sister—so I’m out with anyone who I think is not going to demonize me for it. In the private school that I went to, it [being gay] was very taboo, so thinking about it was not an option. I was like—I’ll think about it later. It doesn’t matter right now. I don’t want to be impure.

Absence of Sexual Messages

Despite the diversity of socialization messages women reported, 19 women (38%) asserted that these topics were taboo and absent in their household, forcing them to rely on sex education classes or peers for information. For instance, Kaja, a third year Ghanaian woman who was raised in a middle class, Christian household, shared:

There was never a door for that, and I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing because again a lot of my friends are also African and we all have the same comfort—like we talk to each other about our sex lives and our relationships and stuff—but then I’m like, would I tell my mom? Oh hell no! Oh God no! Sexuality is never talked about in African households. When you learn these things from an American point of view—it’s confusing.

Messages of Body Positivity

Approximately one third of the sample (n = 15, 30%) recounted that they received body positive socialization messages from family members, which bolstered their self-esteem and helped them learn to appreciate their physical features. Aniyah, a second year African American woman from a lower middle class, agnostic family, shared her mother’s body positive messages that challenged the sexualization she received in school:

I got suspended so many times, but she was not tripping. She just embraced me like it was nothing. She wouldn’t be mad at me and she would say, “Yeah, that’s what they do. They will try to sexualize you.” She would talk to me about that type of stuff and she just accepted me for who I was. When I heard these things in school, it did make me feel insecure because I was not really doing anything. I was being sexualized and I shouldn’t be—I was 14—why are you trying to make me into this person that I am not? So, she was very important and that’s why we’re so close today, because I can tell her anything.

Whereas Aniya’s example reflected the positive messages that some participants received, some women who received negative body image comments from family developed their own body positive beliefs. Kennedy, a fourth year biracial (Irish mom, African American dad) woman from a middle class, atheist family, noted a distinct shift in her thinking:

My position on a lot of things about my body and about myself have changed as I’ve gotten older. I’m not going to take off these knee-length shorts that I could wear to Catholic school because you think they’re too short. It doesn’t really make sense. My mom needed me to open her eyes to certain things because she only knows what she was taught. These messages affected me for a long time until I really thought about them. As a child, I was very susceptible if something was said to me, but not as much anymore.

Messages of Egalitarianism

Thirteen women (26%) discussed egalitarian messages from family members, which communicated that they should maintain their independence and personal goals within the context of an intimate relationship. Alexa, a third year African American woman from a middle class, Christian family, shared an exchange with her godmother:

She went to college and she’s a lawyer. She was like, “Yeah, why does she need to do that? Alexa is a college-educated woman. She’s not worried about making a pound cake to attract a man.” I think I see this generational shift in how my godmother and my mama did stuff, but didn’t stay anything to me about it, and me being like, “I’m not doing that. He can do it.” So that contrast has been a wide topic of discussion at home.

Messages of Sex Positivity

Approximately one quarter of the sample (n = 12, 24%) reported receiving socialization messages that went against traditional patriarchal and risk-based themes. Twelve women discussed socialization messages from family, which helped cultivate sex-positive beliefs for them during emerging adulthood, with some being as simple as “do what makes you happy” and others offering more comprehensive support concerning sex education, birth control, and the importance of supportive, intimate relationships. These messages were most frequently communicated by their mothers or an older sister. For example, Jaleesa, a fourth year African American woman from a middle class, Christian family, stated:

My family and my mom, specifically, is really open to everything. She was always like, “If you like girls, you could talk to me about that.” She doesn’t have a problem with any of that. I do like guys, but she’s very open and accepting of everything. My mom put me on birth control senior year because she was like, “You’re going to college. You should just have this.” She’s very open to talk about sex and relationships.

Messages of Sexual Distrust and Dismissiveness

Finally, a smaller group of women in the study discussed distrustful (n = 5, 10%) or dismissive (n = 4, 8%) socialization from family members. Distrustful messages focused on family members assuming that the girls were sexually active even when they were not. For example, Gemma, a second year Ethiopian woman from a middle class, Christian family, recalled, “She [mother] would doubt me and think that I’m actually having sex. There was a point where she thought I was pregnant. I was like—Mom, I’m literally a virgin.” On the other hand, dismissive messages involved parents writing off the girls’ romantic interests. Chloe, a third year African American woman from a middle class, non-religious family, shared, “When my mother noticed that I had a guy friend, she would say things like—is this your little friend?” Whereas the transmission of distrustful messages highlighted the concern that parents had over their daughters engaging in sexual activities, dismissive messages used a common colloquial phrase within Black communities to render the young women’s early intimate relationships as “child’s play.”

Sexual Socialization Within Black Family Contexts

Black families must prepare their girls to cope with the realities of experiencing intersecting oppressions (i.e., racism and sexism) in order to develop a healthy sense of their sexual self (Crooks et al., 2019). This preparation may include the desire to protect their daughters from racialized sexual objectification, unwanted teenage pregnancy, and experiences of sexual violence (Epstein et al., 2017). As the women discussed how their mothers and fathers demanded that they “cover up” and “avoid boys,” they communicated an understanding that their families’ underlying expectation was that these messages would keep their daughters safe and allow them to finish their education and grow into accomplished young women who were able to realize all of their dreams. Yet, these familial expectations on dressing modestly or avoiding sexual exploration did not support the development of sexual agency and body positive beliefs among young women in our sample.

Participants acknowledged that their family members’ messaging concerning sex and appearance revealed a clear commitment to keeping them safe from negative outcomes such as sexual violence, including when the potential perpetrator was a family member. However, common socialization messages about protection (e.g., physical critiques or discretion messages) also transmitted the belief that it was the women’s responsibility to minimize sexual victimization, sexual objectification, and associated risks such as unwanted pregnancy—all possible outcomes of their intersecting race and gender oppression. For example, the majority of the participants’ families placed the burden of preventing sexual violence onto the women themselves. In particular, family members communicated explicit messages to the young women on covering their bodies to make sure that boys and men did not “get the wrong idea,” as well as other safety strategies (i.e., don’t walk alone at night, don’t go to a man’s room by yourself, and change your shorts into pants when company comes over) that focused on the women’s behaviors. To adequately address and reduce the negative impact of sexual violence against Black girls and women, we must reject narratives that place the onus of responsibility on potential survivors rather than perpetrators (Gómez & Gobin, 2019; Simmons, 2019).

Rejecting Victim-Blaming Narratives of Sexual Violence

National statistics on rates of reported cases of sexual assault in the U.S. indicate that among racial/ethnic groups, Black girls and women are some of the least likely to report and among the most vulnerable to experience intimate partner violence and other sexual violence (Black Women’s Blueprint, 2019; Miller, 2019); sexual violence is a pressing social justice and public health issue within this population. Although participants’ family members may have communicated discretion messages of sexual restraint and clothing and body modesty in efforts to protect their daughters from sexual mistreatment, these messages ultimately reinforce rape culture and subvert participants’ bodily and sexual autonomy (Miller, 2019; Roach, 2020).

As Simmons (2019) wrote, “violence does not happen in a vacuum” (p. 17), and by providing this type of socialization to their daughters, nieces, sisters, and granddaughters, Black families echo the misogynistic logic that has undergirded the systematic exploitation and sexual violation of Black girls and women for decades in this country (Collins, 2005; Crooks et al., 2019; Griffin, 2019). Transmission of this messaging is not specific to Black communities; instead, it reiterates broader cultural discourses on victim-survivors’ responsibility in fending off sexual violence (Bock & Burkley, 2019; Miller, 2019; Simmons, 2019). However, the implications of the historical, cultural, social, and political realities of the racialized sexual violence specific to Black girls and women must be considered. For example, five women expressed the belief that Black women’s experiences of sexual assault and rape are not taken as seriously as White women’s, highlighting their awareness that local and national responses to sexual violence often occur in highly racialized ways (i.e., for a discussion on how this point was reflected in the #MeToo movement, see Gómez & Gobin, 2019; Taylor, 2019). Black girls and women “are always already mis/read as sexually illicit, hyper, animalistic, immoral, and more…which has everything to do with rape-ability” (Lomax, 2018, p. 55).

Respecting Bodily Autonomy and Promoting Body Positivity

The objectification of Black girls’ and women’s bodies that is reflected by racialized gender tropes such as the Jezebel stereotype suggests that even barring specific behavior or lack thereof, Black bodies are inherently sexually dangerous or risky for girls and women to possess (Lomax, 2018). Indeed, Black families intertwined messages about participants’ bodies in nearly all of the sexual socialization messages that they conveyed. Our findings demonstrate that these messages have significant implications for Black women’s sexuality and body image beliefs and that their negotiation is shaped by race, culture, and religious identity. For example, consistent with Odoms-Young’s (2008) investigation with Black Muslim women, participants discussed how family members’ body image socialization involved a greater emphasis on religious behaviors (in this case covering) instead of on weight. For some women we interviewed, placing less emphasis on external appearance and their physical body was freeing and allowed them to focus on school and work. Others, whose current sexual behaviors contrasted with family messages of discretion and abstinence, indicated feelings of bodily and sexual shame and guilt.

The results also underscore the prevalence of physical critique comments within family contexts. The majority of the sample recalled discourse with family members about their body size and shape, which often included discouraging messages that created a sense of body dissatisfaction and self-consciousness that the young women had to unlearn (don’t wear tight clothing, big girls can’t wear clothing that shows their body). Although the findings from earlier comparative studies highlight that Black women have a stronger sense of body satisfaction than White women due to racial and cultural norms that reject thinness ideals (e.g., Stephens & Few, 2007), a growing body of work suggests that the culture’s curvaceous ideal and intense focus on women’s physical presentation contributes to disordered eating and negative body image beliefs among Black women as well (Overstreet et al., 2010; Watson et al., 2019).

Consistent with prior work, participants’ narratives suggested that greater body dissatisfaction during adolescence leads to more overall body surveillance and body shame into emerging adulthood (Overstreet et al., 2010); however, the results also indicate that receiving body positive messages (you are beautiful, wear what makes you feel good) from family members can have positive, long-term implications for how Black women think about themselves. This finding was also true for messages regarding skin tone and colorism. Young women who received positive messages about their various shades of brown skin spoke more assuredly about their external appearance compared to women who received colorist messages from family members (don’t stay in the sun too long, men like lighter-skinned women). Beyond promoting body positivity in its own right, receipt of these messages may also empower young Black women to reject the racialized notions that their bodies are inherently sexual, dangerous, and meant for others. Thus, it is critical that Black families cultivate open communication on sex and intimacy with Black girls, including discussions on body autonomy and consent.

Limitations and Future Research Directions

The present study has limitations that should be considered. First, participants did not have a relationship with their interviewer before the data collection, which may have limited the types of information that they felt comfortable enough to disclose. Although the women were assured that their data would be de-identified, many consider women’s sexuality and pleasure to be a “private matter” that should not be made available for public conversation or consumption (Lomax, 2018). We did not include participants’ silences, pauses, or other nonverbal cues during the interviews, which may have held significant meaning in how the women processed the sexual socialization they received. Second, based on the reflective nature of the study, participants likely only discussed their most salient memories. Family members may have communicated other types of messages about sex and appearance that did not come up during the interviews. Still, salient memories are significant, in that these were the guiding messages or moments that participants internalized, endorsed, or rejected, as they developed their sexual beliefs and behaviors. Similarly, some women mentioned receiving multiples types of messages from different family members (e.g., abstinence from dad and body positive from mom). Although we accounted for each message in our frequency counts, a cross-analysis of sexual messages for each woman was beyond the scope of the current study.

Third, the present sample included mostly heterosexual women; thus, we could offer little analysis on the sexual socialization experiences of Black women from the lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LBTQ+) community (Bowleg, 2008). This limitation is consistent with a larger gap in the field of psychology, as the majority of studies focus on heterosexual, African American women, despite the documented sexual diversity of this population. Two of the bisexual women in the sample noted how they had to hide their sexuality from their families and were unclear about how they would address their family’s heteronormative assumptions. This was not a concern for the heterosexual women in the sample. Finally, the women in our sample were mostly from college-educated, middle-class families, which may have influenced how sexual socialization tied into their family’s educational and occupational goals for them. Adolescent girls from more affluent backgrounds are less likely to be teen mothers, which is likely related to a number of factors such as more access to comprehensive birth control options and the financial feasibility of abortion in the event of an unexpected pregnancy (Winters & Winters, 2012). Although many participants recalled socialization messages about avoiding pregnancy, it is likely that teenage pregnancies were rare in their schools and neighborhoods.

Despite these limitations, our study had several strengths. For example, the sample included Black women from diverse ethnic backgrounds and faith orientations, which allowed us to highlight cultural and religious differences in sexual socialization processes. Given that social identities (sexual orientation and social class) are not fixed aspects of a person’s identities but rather dynamic categories whose meanings continue to change throughout the life span, future research on sexual socialization should consider the heterogeneity of Black female populations. In addition, researchers should examine how Black girls’ networks of sexual socialization (i.e., peers, social media, family, and church messages) inform their developing beliefs about sex and sexuality. Similar to the growing scholarship on networks of predation in sexual violence (Lomax, 2019; Simmons, 2019), we need additional evidence regarding how family, school, and community settings impart sexual knowledge and cultural norms to Black girls.

Practice Implications

Although the sexual objectification and related sexual violence against Black girls and women are problems that cannot be resolved by familial socialization, we contend that Black families and communities can engage in radical forms of resistance, healing, and accountability by recognizing and calling out patriarchy, gendered racism, and rape culture. The women’s narratives provided additional evidence that sex negative approaches in Black family contexts are still common. Although these approaches are likely in response to the historic and contemporary sexual objectification and subjugation of Black girls and women (Lomax, 2019), our findings indicate that they may be ultimately unhelpful in supporting young Black women’s sexual development. We suggest that increasing sex positive practices within Black families may support young Black women in feeling empowered and agentic about their sexual development.

The conveyance of comprehensive sexual socialization messages that move away from focusing solely on sexual risk behaviors and disease and move toward fostering autonomous and informed decisions on sexuality and sexual expression may be particularly effective for promoting healthy sexual development for Black girls and women. Parents and other family members’ conveyance of sexual socialization messages that are characterized by more sex positive approaches such as having early conversations about consent, physical development, and sexual health may reduce young Black women’s feelings of shame, guilt, and dissonance as they explore their sexuality in young adulthood and increase feelings of empowerment, confidence, and satisfaction. We suggest that sex positive parenting involves multiple conversations with adolescents, which normalize sexual curiosity and encourage an open channel of communication. Black mothers and female caregivers may be able to offer helpful insights for young Black women about their own sexual experiences, but conversations with Black fathers and supportive male family members are just as important.

In addition, the use of sex positive frameworks among sex educators and within schools can help youth make safer sexual choices such as open communication regarding sexual desires and preferences (including abstinence; Alexander, 2019; Philliber & Nolte, 2008). Yet, sex positive approaches have not gained significant traction among most schools in the U.S., perhaps in part due to the belief that talking with youth about sex will lead to increased sexual risk-taking behavior. Instead, findings indicate that adolescents who receive comprehensive sex education, which includes open dialogue around sex-related topics, engage in less risky sexual behaviors than those who receive abstinence-based sex education (Barfield et al., 2016; Philliber & Nolte, 2008). Sex educators should be mindful of the cultural and historical contexts that shape Black families’ sexual socialization messages. Family-based sexual health interventions that support and acknowledge families’ concerns about Black girls’ receipt of sexual objectification, sexual violence, and other negative outcomes are needed. Care should be taken to teach family members how to convey accurate information related to reducing incidences of unintended pregnancy and STIs and increasing indices of sexual and interpersonal health, such as communication and autonomy. Doing so may help families better support the healthy sexual development of Black girls and the eventual women they become. Furthermore, educators more broadly must move away from inadequate discussions and school programming; exploring and understanding both peer and family influences on youths’ sexual development is an integral component of comprehensive sex education.

Finally, clinicians who work with Black girls and women should frame sexual socialization as a normative part of youths’ psychosocial development and well-being. For clinicians who work directly with families, this framing should include providing materials or training sessions on how parents can respond to their daughter’s questions and sexual interests, including masturbation, nudity and privacy, and developing healthy sexual and intimate relationships with others. Counselors might also encourage parents to consider their wariness on talking with their daughters openly about sex and sexuality, as their concerns may stem back to the socialization and messages that they received during adolescence. Given the risks that Black girls and women face as a result of racism and sexism (Collins, 2005), some Black families may struggle with providing messages to their daughter, nieces, and granddaughters, which simultaneously reject and resist racist and sexist tropes, prepare and protect them from negative racialized and gendered outcomes, and empower them to be confident, healthy agents of their bodies and sexual behaviors.

Conclusion

The current study adds to the growing scholarship on reframing sexual socialization practices to support the healthy and holistic development of Black girls (Hargons et al., 2018; Townsend, 2008). Despite the ethnic and cultural diversity of the sample, the women provided compelling narratives with common threads that revealed how Black women’s stories remain connected to a broader collective history rooted in the Black diaspora. In relation to sexual violence, Lomax (2019) asked: “Why are we okay with predatory sexual practices when used against Black girls? Why do we look the other way when Black girls are violated?” We contend that a necessary step in disrupting patriarchy and rape culture in Black family contexts includes more supportive listening practices and open communication concerning sexual health and bodily autonomy. As we work to dismantle dehumanizing tropes and structures that harm Black women’s sexual development, we hope that our findings offer insight into how families and researchers can better prepare Black girls to explore and embrace their sexual development. Studies should prioritize the voices and lived experiences of Black girls and women themselves, and more empirical investigations of the supports and barriers associated with the provision of sex positive approaches that address historical and contemporary influences on Black female sexuality are needed.